URBAN MEYER: "I'M NOT GOING TO NOTRE DAME. EVER."

According to the SunSentinel.com Florida head football coach Urban Meyer has all but squashed my wet dream of coming true:

At last weekend's Bob Dooley Invitational, a fundraising event put on by Gainesville Sun columnist Pat Dooley, Meyer announced "I'm not going to Notre Dame. Ever."

What an a-hole! How could he not want to leave hot and humid Gainesville for the bleak coldness of South Bend? It just doesn't make sense. Sure the Gators have more talent and he has won 2 National Titles in 3 years while playing in the toughest conference in the nation but it's Notre Dame. The Gipper played there. Jesus tailgates there. What is the world coming to when the most successful coach in college football no longer wants to coach at the most prestigious university not named Stanford?

Actually I think I know why Urban said he isn't going to Notre Dame. It's because Charlie Weis finally has a squad full of talent, depth and experience and with their weak ass schedule this year they have an outside shot at going undefeated. Sure this is coming from a Notre Dame fan but who besides USC is really that good on their schedule this upcoming season? Michigan blows. Not one other top 25 team is on their schedule. So stay put Urban and win your 3rd title in 4 years.

/wipes tears away

SAY IT AIN'T SO: TONY ROMO DUMPS JESSICA SIMPSON

I know it comes as a shock to all of you, but prepare yourself by sitting down and adjusting your Tampax. This is going to be rough for both of us. The inevitable has happened. Tony Romo, star choke artist quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys has dumped Pop Star/Reality "Star" Jessica Simpson a day before her 29th birthday. I know the horror of it all is really hard to take but there is some explanation according to the New York Daily News...

"She is heartbroken," says the source. "She loves Tony. But it's been difficult lately. He's busy with his career and she's getting ready to shoot her show (The Price of Beauty). They decided to part ways."

Wait a second here. Simpson has a show coming out called "The Price of Beauty?" Poor girl. It must suck to have enormous fun bags that have earned her so much more money than an actual talented ugly person would have. Think of the Kelly Clarkson's of the world and how they feel Jessica. I think Romo dumped her because she is approaching the big 3-0 in less than a year. When you are QB of the Dallas Cowboys, no matter how pitiful your post-November NFL record is, you don't settle for washed up Pop Stars nearing their 30's. You turn her in for better "Road Beef." It's the law of the Dallas Star.

BROCK LESNAR IS A BAD MOFO

Frank Mir's face looks eerily similar to unrefrigerated three day old pastrami. I would say Brock Lesnar won the UFC 100 fight fair and square. And by fair I mean gay. Too much men wrestling for my liking.

FORMER #1 PICK MATT BUSH IS DOING GREAT

This is what happens when you get drafted by the San Diego Padres. Your world starts to crumble as your baseball skills and ability to stay sober without crying vanish. Let this be a lesson to everybody that there is crying in baseball. Bush league move if you ask me.

KATE FROM JON AND KATE PLUS 8 IS DOING GREAT

Kate Gosselin Match.com Profile Video - watch more funny videos

I figured since I posted the Jon one a couple of weeks ago why not see how Kate is doing on Match.com. You got to love the backwards mullet guys. It's great to know a haircut derived from Alabama backwoods country can make it all the way to mainstream America.