CFB DEFENSIVE ALL-AMERICAN TEAM
My apologies for the delay in revealing the Sportscrack defensive All-American team but the Mexican food down here in Atlanta is fighting an endless war with Bowel movements. Again I watched a lot of video, read a lot of articles, and got some insight from Youporn.com in between screaming at AT&T for their shitty customer service. Just another day in the life my friends!

DEFENSIVE LINE

Glenn Dorsey(LSU Tigers)-The big defensive tackle down on the Bayou has wrapped his mitt around almost every single defensive award this season and there is no reason to leave him off this one. His effectiveness was derailed during the Auburn game when some douchebag O-lineman tried to cut his future NFL whore loving life away by one chop block. But Dorsey never bitched and moaned and instead kept trying to play. I like those type of players.

Trevor Laws(Notre Dame)-Big Trev led the nation in defensive lineman tackles with 112. Playing with a motor that never stops, Laws was one of the few bright spots on the Fighting Irish this season. If the Irish had 21 other players play with the type of heart, hustle, and emotion that Laws displayed all season then they could have been a bowl team. Simply putting it: Laws was a blood thirsty beast among chickens.

Chris Long(Virginia)-A force at defensive end all season, Howie's son racked up 14 sacks and destroyed opponents QBs and RBs. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he hurt a lot of O-linemen's feelings and left them wondering if playing football is the best career choice for them. Long is a great one and will be a force at the next level.

George Selvie(South Florida)-Selvie came out of nowhere to lead the nation with 31 1/2 tackles for loss this season. Unstoppable off the end, Selvie played and hustled himself into a top draft pick in 2008.

Vernon Gholston(Ohio State)-Vernon made it impossible not to take 5 defensive lineman for the first team All-American. He was unstoppable all season and made Michigan's Jake Long look like a little school girl who just got her lolli-pop stolen. Oh yeah, he had 13 sacks this season to rank 4th in the nation. Only a junior, I believe he played himself up to a top 15 pick if he decides to leave Columbus early.

Honorable mention: Greg Middleton(Indiana), Bruce Davis(UCLA), Maurice Evans(Penn State), Greg Hardy(Ole Miss), Sedrick Ellis(USC)

LINEBACKERS


Dan Connor(Penn State)-Another link in the great Penn State chain of stellar linebackers. Connor proved he could take over a defense this season and has lived up to the hype he received coming out of high school. A sure fire first round draft pick.

James Laurinaitis(Ohio State)-A force to be reckoned with ever since he stepped foot on campus his freshman season, the Little Animal might be the best linebacker ever to play in a Buckeye uniform. It will be interesting to see if he comes back next season to play for a top 5 Buckeye team or leave for the NFL.

Jordon Dizon(Colorado)-This Hawaiian bred player has recorded 270 tackles the past two seasons in Boulder. A fast and fluid player, Dizon is a sure tackler who plays the position the way it should be played: 100% hustle all the time.

J Leman(Illinois)-A tackling machine, Leman again led the Illini in tackles with well over a 100 for the season. Maybe not the most gifted but the kid plays with a lot of heart on the field and is a big reason why the Fighting Zooks are playing in the Rose Bowl. And no, the Illini do not deserve to be playing there but that is another conversation.

Honorable mention: Erin Henderson(Maryland), Shawn Crable(Michigan), Curtis Lofton(Oklahoma), Jonathan Goff(Vanderbilt)

SECONDARY

Antoine Cason(Arizona)-The definition of a shut down corner, Cason won the Thorpe Award for the best defensive back in the nation. Cason finished with five interceptions, 14 pass breakups, two forced fumbles and a sack during his senior season.

Aqib Talib(Kansas)-A jack of all trades player, Talib played both cornerback and wide receiver for the upstart Jayhawks. This kid is a ball hog and one of the main reasons why Kansas played themselves into a top 10 team. That and playing a horrible schedule.

Craig Steltz(LSU)-A strong safety force for the Tigers all season, he is essentially the quarterback for their defense. The kid makes plays all over the field and is a big game player.

Jamie Silva(Boston College)-People in Boston and Massachusetts might not give a rat's ass about BC, but that doesn't mean Silva is not worthy of being regarded as one of the top safeties in the nation. Almost crazy to think two white dudes made the secondary but after this season nothing really makes sense.

Honorable mention: Alphonso Smith(Wake Forest), Malcolm Jenkins(Ohio State), Taylor Mays(USC), William Moore(Missouri)

SPECIAL TEAMS

Punter
Durant Brooks(Georgia Tech)-He kicks it the farthest and can directional kick it to pin opponents deep in their zone.

Honorable mention: Kevin Huber(Cincinnati)

Placekicker
Thomas Weber(Arizona State)-Only missed one kick all season.

Honorable mention-Louie Sakoda(Utah)

Kickoff Returner
Jeremy Maclin(Missouri)-Returned two punts and one kickoff for touchdowns this season as a freshman.

Honorable mention-Felix Jones(Arkansas)

Punt Returner
Leodis McKelvin(Troy)-Lead the nation with 3 punt returns for touchdowns.

Honorable mention-Desean Jackson(Cal)

CHRISTIAN NUT JOB KURT WARNER JOINS GANG

I always knew Warner was Lucifer's son. How else can one explain going from supermarket bag boy to SuperBowl MVP winning QB in a matter of years? And just to prove he plays on the dark side he is promoting gangs to kids. What a dickface! Stay away Warner and tell your psycho wife we don't take kindly to evil spiky hair lesbians down in these parts. At least that is what all the good wholesome Christians tell me when they think I'm a lady living with my girlfriend.

Video HT: Deadspin

GEORGIA TECH HIRES PAUL JOHNSON
The Yellow Jackets finally hit one out of the ballpark with this hiring. Johnson is a great coach and has made perennial winners out of Georgia Southern and the Naval Academy so the chances of him getting Tech over the 7 win a year hump is good. Johnson is suppose to be announced at 5:30 today with a contract of 6 years at a reported $16 million plus over the term.

If there was one thing fired coach Chan Gailey could do it is recruit athletes. Johnson will be entering a Tech program who desperately wants to beat their arch rival Georgia whom they have lost 7 straight.

It still baffles me that Michigan didn't try to get Johnson. Of course Michigan alumni and fans will tell you they never wanted him and while that may be true the person Johnson reminds me of is Jim Tressel coming out of Youngstown State. A lot of people thought Tressel couldn't succeed at Ohio State because he was going from 1-AA to D1 and he wasn't energetic enough for Big Ten football. Well, all I know is Tressel is one of the top 5 coaches in all of college football and I believe Johnson is on that path. If you can make Navy a winner you can pretty much succeed where ever you go.

By the way, I heard Michigan is still trying to hire the ghost of Bo after being turned down by Les Miles, Greg Schiano, Kirk Ferentz, and a slew of other candidates.