Tuesday, May 05, 2009

RICK ANKIEL STICKS HIS NECK OUT


Rick Ankiel aka Ricky Vaughn made this spectacular catch last night in Citizen's Bank Park against the Phillies. No need to worry about that jarring hit into the outfield padding. He is walking and in perfectly good health today. I forgot to mention that last week I got to see the St. Louis Cardinals play in Atlanta. I got down there kind of early so I could watch some batting practice, drink a cold beer(translation: beers in the parking lot before going in and dishing out $7 per) and beat the clusterfuck known as Atlanta traffic.

"The Ted" as I call is just south of the capital and unfortunately like most of metro Atlanta residents I live just north of the city. Three major highways converge in downtown Atlanta so you can only imagine how much of a headache I get just thinking about driving down to the Braves games. If people outside of Atlanta wonder why the Braves attendance can be poor at times they should note that traffic blows and Marta doesn't even drop off at The Ted.

On with the festivities known as batting practice. Our seats were on the visiting side dugout so I decided to go down near the Cardinals' dugout and watch the great MVPujols and perhaps get a picture with him and the shirt for the website. Pujols was of course bombing balls out of the park and joking around with teammates. You can see that his teammates really like him and now I can fully understand why the media gives him a pass when it comes to the steroid era. Anyways we are standing there waiting for Pujols when this cocky, arrogant piece of shit with sunglasses comes out of the dugout. You can already tell that this rookie is not very liked by his teammates because they tend to ignore him. He has this swagger and cock sure attitude that he is the shit. I don't want to give away his name for fear of embarrassing him. Let's just say his name is Colby Assmunch. Assmunch comes over to the side of the dugout and asks the kid behind me who is apparently one of his friends from Columbus I believe if he brought "the stuff." The guy nods yes and hands him this small brown leather bag that Assmunch quickly puts in his windbreaker pocket so no one can see it.

So my question is what could it have been? It was too small to be buttdarts but it could have been anal beads for Assmunch. HGH? Protein? I don't know what it was but Assmunch didn't want anyone else to know either so it makes me think it had to be something either illegal or incriminating.

Enough of that dickweed talk. The real treat was watching Pujols in batting practice. I didn't get a picture with the guy but I did get an autograph ball. And yes, I squealed like a little girl and soiled my pants immediately upon receiving. The moral of the story is Pujols cool. Assmunch not.

Video HT: WithLeather via The Fightins

GOOD MORNING, MEGAN FOX VIDEO


I got nothing else to say. Oh yeah...you're welcome.

SHANE BATTIER: WHERE AMAZING HAPPENS?


If bleeding is amazing then Shane Battier is your man NBA. He was known to bleed for five days while in college in Durham without dying so I guess that is pretty amazing. The Houston Rockets shocked the world last night by taking game 1 from the Kobe "No means No" Lakers in front of the glitz and glamour of soul less celebrities who think they are the shit. It must be pretty embarrassing to have the Duke Floppy outshine ya with his bloody gash.

OVECHKIN! OVECHKIN! OVECHKIN!


Yesterday the best player in basketball got his first MVP while the best player in hockey collected his first playoff hat trick. The Washington Capitals Alexander Ovechkin was absolutely sick last night putting the Caps on his back and carrying them to a 4-3 victory over Sidney Crosby's swollen labia (HT to Rivells).

"People kept throwing hats," Crosby said. "And I was just asking if he could make an announcement to ask them to stop."

Come on Crosby. Grow some fucking balls and shut the fuck up. Crosby did have a hat trick himself but seemed to be bothered by Ovechkin stealing his thunder and/or panties.

With the Caps up 2-0 in the series you would think they are in relative control but if you know anything about Washington hockey playoff history and I'm sure you don't they are known for blowing 2-0 leads. In a series with three of the best players in the game (Evgeni Malkin the other) expect the Penguins to bounce back in game 3 back in Pittsburgh.