OUR FINAL ALL-STAR BALLOT
By now you know all about the elected starters as voted by the fans. And you probably know that most fans are fucking idiots who vote for their favorite wet dream rather than vote for a guy who actually deserves to start. Example A: Jason Heyward getting voted in as a starter despite his stats being rather pedestrian. So let's get it right. These should be the starters and I picked only one player as their backup.
AMERICAN LEAGUE
First Base: Miguel Cabrera, Detroit Tigers-Putting up Triple Crown numbers in a ballpark that is not hitter friendly. His glove may be shit but his bat has been off the charts.
Backup: Justin Morneau, Minnesota Twins
Second Base: Robinson Cano, New York Yankees-The fans got this one right. Cano has been outstanding all year and is the Yankees MVP this season.
Backup: Dustin Pedroia, Boston Red Sox
Shortstop: Elvis Andrus, Texas Rangers-One of the main reasons why Texas has played above and beyond what they were expected to so far this season. His defense has always been excellent. Now his bat has caught up with everybody else at the shortstop position in the AL. Of course the fans voted Jeter as a starter because he bangs Minka Kelly. I would.
Backup: Derek Jeter, New York Yankees
Third Base: Evan Longoria, Tampa Bay Rays-One of these days I will give back Evan his hat. Longo is on a career pace to join the Schmidt's, Brooksies, Brett's, and Chipper's as one of the best ever at the hot corner. What I'm saying is the kid is a straight up stud.
Backup: Adrian Beltre, Boston Red Sox
Catcher: Joe Mauer, Minnesota Twins-The best catcher in the game and it's not even close. Mauer deserves every penny he makes.
Backup: John Buck, Toronto Blue Jays
DH: Vlad Guerrero, Texas Rangers-The future Hall of Famer has comeback from injuries and is again one of the most feared hitters in the game.
Backup: Nobody. There shouldn't be a backup for fucking DH so fuck off Big Papi fans.
Outfield: Josh Hamilton, Texas Rangers-Until he relapses (I'm calling 2013) old Joshy is one of the most talented outfielders in the game and continues to put up monster numbers in the first half until his body breaks down in the second half. Don't get mad. It's the truth.
Ichiro Suzuki, Seattle Mariners-I'm probably bias here because I have a raging rockhard for all things Ichiro and this year he still continues to be the best leadoff hitter in the game.
Carl Crawford, Tampa Bay Rays-I love watching Crawford play. He's the best defensive left fielder since....well, ever. He steals bases, hits line drives, gets on base, and scores a shitload of runs. And yes, it will absolutely suck balls to see him wearing pinstripes next year.
Backups: Torii Hunter, Anaheim Angels; Nick Swisher, New York Yankees; Brennan Boesch, Detroit Tigers
NATIONAL LEAGUE
First Base: Albert Pujols, St. Louis Cardinals-He is still King Albert when it comes to all-around MLB game. FWIW Votto did make it an extremely difficult decision with his outstanding first half though.
Backup: Joey Votto, Cincinnati Reds
Second Base: Martin Prado, Atlanta Braves-The fans really fucked up this one but in the grand scheme of things Prado will still be the starter with Chase Utley out with an injury. Prado has been the Braves MVP and leader. Plus he has to deal with Escobar every day. He should get a Nobel Peace Prize for not beating the shit out of him.
Backup: Brandon Phillips, Cincinnati Reds
Shortstop: Hanley Ramirez, Florida Marlins-The guy is a shitty teammate no doubt but he is still the best offensive shortstop in the game. He is Manny 2.0 without the dreads.
Backup: Troy Tulowitzki
Third Base: David Wright, New York Mets-Thank god the fans got this one right at the end. For a second there it looked like Placido Polanco might start and that would have been a travesty. Wright is his having a MVP season and deserves to start. Bravo fans. You got it right.
Backup: Scott Rolen, Cincinnati Reds
Catcher: Miguel Olivo, Colorado Rockies-Fuck the overrated Molina brother in St. Louis. Olivo has the highest OPS for catchers and deserves to be at the game even over Brian McCann.
Backup: Brian McCann, Atlanta Braves
Outfield: Ryan Braun, Milwaukee Brewers-Not a typical Braun season but he is still one of the most feared hitters in the game and I'm positive he will have a monster second half.
Andre Ethier, Los Angeles Dodgers-Andre the Giant has emerged as a superstar and even outshined Matt Kemp and Manny Ramirez in LA.
Andrew McCutchen, Pittsburgh Pirates-Only 23 years old and heading to elite status quickly. He has future 30/30 seasons on the horizon and could do 40/40 if he continues to develop.
Backups: Josh Willingham, Washington Nationals; Corey Hart, Milwaukee Brewers; Chris Young, Arizona Diamondbacks
And if I was going to pick two starting pitchers I would go with Ubaldo Jimenez of the Colorado Rockies and Cliff Lee of the Seattle Mariners.
Feel free to disagree in the comments section or you can email me directly at fukauf@sportscrack.com
