Thursday, August 16, 2007

JOSE OFFERMAN ATTACK
Since apparently nobody really gives a shit about independent league baseball, here is an entertaining slide show of Jose Offerman attacking some poor sap. All it is missing is some Benny Hill music.

Oh, what the hell, here you go...


Holy shit, I think I just saw Carl Everett in both clips.


COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS AND NOTES

-USC has lost one of their 5000 five star runningbacks in Emmanuel Moody. According to the LA Times, Moody's decision surprised a lot of players and coaches within the program. Supposedly the Texas native is looking at transferring to Oklahoma State, although it's just a rumor at this point.

-Texas fans just let out a giant "Thank you baby Jesus" as it is now being reported that WR Limas Sweed will be back for the first game against powerhouse Arkansas State. Don't worry Texas Mike, I'm still looking at the 37 point spread and am leaning towards the Longhorns covering. Sweed knows I want my money and he assured me he will be playing and Tim Donaghy(who would be a perfect Big Ten ref because they all are on the take) will be the guest ref.

-Chip Towers of the AJC.com is reporting that Mark Richt is going to get backup QB Joe Cox in almost every game. I'm not sure why he would say such a thing other than the fact he might be afraid Cox is thinking about transferring. If I was Richt it would take a huge lead for me to pull Matthew Stafford in favor of Joe Cox. By huge I mean 70 points of course.

-Can Colorado get any worse? Well apparently they might, now that the head coach Dan Hawkin's son is the leading candidate to be named starting QB. It just makes you wonder if those hippies up in Boulder know anything besides what to pack in their bowl. I feel bad for the Buffaloes. Wait a second, no I don't. It's vengeance for the Rocket's phantom clip call and their 5 down's.

-The Gators are looking for help in the secondary. Maybe Urban Meyer should call up some of Notre Dame's recruits and see what is on their mind.

-Speaking of Notre Dame, it appears the Irish have found a new star on defense in LB Toryan Smith. The Irish haven't had a stud linebacker since Kory Minor was sporting the face shield but it sounds like Smith is going to be a good one come September 1st against Georgia Tech. If Toryan loves to hit guys like he says he does, I hope he goes in with a "fuck those nerds" attitude against the Yellow Jackets.

MARK TEIXEIRA TRIBUTE SONG

It didn't take long for Atlanta Braves fans to jump on the Teixeira bangwagon. After watching him play a flawless first base last night in the sweltering bitch of a heat known as Hotlanta, I must admit I got a little bit of a man crush on Teixeira .

Via Deadspin.

VINCENT CHASE NOW DATING PETRI DISH?

Paris Hilton, or petri dish as I like to call her, was photographed last night with Vinnie Chase from Entourage at the 11th Hour premiere. Now I'm sure half of Hollywood is infected with something, but come on Vinnie!

Paris Hilton? This the same girl who fucked Matt Leinart and then 28 Days Later the whole USC squad was infected with some terrible disease that doctors could only classify as the "Paris"ite. God have mercy on Entourage and USC. God. Have. Mercy.

BECKHAM FINALLY SCORES

What in the hell was the goaltender thinking? I don't watch a lot of soccer, oh wait, football as the communists call it, but even I knew he was going to kick it to the left corner.

STILL RECOVERING BUT HERE IS A RECAP
It was so piss hot last night in Atlanta it made a small little miracle happen. When you drink 8 beers in about 6 innings the law of gravity should make you have to stop and take a leak at least once. But I guess when you sweat more than a Hollywood coke whore all the beer just kind of drips off of you.

Last night's game was one of the most spirited and fun to watch. Yes, Barry Bonds made eye contact with me and my 756* shirt in left field as I stood and mocked him with my unoriginal "Balco" chant as he came limping out to left field in the first inning. The first thing I noticed about Barry is he is smaller than the last time I saw him in San Diego three seasons ago. I presumed he stopped using the cattle roids because I didn't hear him moo one time. Now that I think of it, even Barry would enjoy being a cow...

I have to hand it to Barry, he takes a lot of shit and doesn't let it faze him at all. But I guess we already knew this about Barry being Barry: he doesn't care what any of us think about him thus the disregard for actually caring about the integrity of the game.

Yes he hit a homerun and yes some stupid ass people cheered him as he rounded the bases. This is the Atlanta Braves fan factor. Adolph Hitler or Ty Cobb could have been rounding the bases and yet a pack of toothless, jean short wearing, Bass Hat leaning douchebags would be cheering because they have absolutely no clue. It's sad but once you expect it and experience it a lot you come to the realization that there is a small segment of our society which is made up of degenerate embryos that somehow survived. Again, this is a small portion of the Atlanta crowd. Most fans have some sliver of intelligence and just flat out booed because A)he plays for the opposing team, B)Bond's HR just tied up a game, C)the Braves need to win to stay in the playoff hunt, and D)it's Barry fucking Bonds, you can't cheer him.

The game also had 3 ejections. Bobby "The Lord of the Ejection" Cox gone thrown out early when arguing a Tim Hudson balk call. I don't know how anybody can not love Cox. Wait, that didn't sound right. Ryan Klesko got thrown out for arguing balls and strikes and I will be the first to admit he got screwed on the third strike. The pitch was near his chin. Towards the end I believe Bruce Bochy got ejected but I could be wrong, I was knee deep in empty beer bottles.

All in all the game was fun. I couldn't get too rowdy because I counted 4 cops and 5 security guys in our left field section alone. I guess the Braves officials were worried about people not enjoying the future Hall of Famer,greatest player ever visiting Turner field.

HMM, I wonder why?