WORLD SERIES PREDICTION
I figured I would do a bunch of research and see how the Boston Red Sox and Colorado Rockies match up in our annual Fall Classic but then I remembered I'm a lazy drunk with serious ADD problems. Seriously, I can't remember how many times I have forgotten where I put my beer only to pick up the one which one of my asshole buddies has left full of dip spit.
But anyways what was I talking about?
Oh yeah, the World Series. I'm not going to lie I didn't think the Red Sox would make the World Series let alone the playoffs when they signed JD Drew in the off season. And of course I had no idea the Rockies would be God's team and go on a Godly win streak just to make the playoffs. So here we sit with the hated Red Sox going against the upstart Jesus freaks out of Colorado. We have the self loathing, narcissistic butt plugs from New England fan base against the tree hugging, care less about baseball would rather be skiing with Buffy crowd from Colorado. So who wins?
On the surface it would appear the Red Sox have a clear advantage in regards to starting pitching, bullpen, and overall lineup. But seriously, throw all that shit out because it doesn't matter. If you think I'm an idiot just look at what the St. Louis Cardinals did last season. They were a really average if not bad team but somehow made the playoffs due to playing in a dickless division and yet they still won the whole damn thing despite Kenny Rogers blatant cheating and Jim Leyland's chain smoking fatties in between every pitching change.
So I looked for signs, you know, stuff that God tells you when you do too many shots of Jack Daniels so you start mixing Red Bull with Vodka and call yourself a "real drinker." Pussies drink Red Bull. I say this because I had a Red Bull one time and I shit worse than after eating a ten pack of Taco Bell shacos* at 1 am after drinking a case of Natty Light. Ah the good times of drinking away a good education. Searching for signs I figured I would look for the best looking chicks among their fan bases. Boston Red Sox fans are mostly dudes and the few women out there are straight Tabasco to the cornea. Colorado probably has good looking women but it's too fucking cold there so they all move to California by the time they are done with college.
I dug, I drank, I pissed, and I flipped the channels until my finger tips bleed looking for just one sign to give me an idea of who will win. It's the gambler's mentality in my head. Fuck logic, where has that ever gotten me besides blistering sores that shouldn't exist below the belt?
And finally I found it in the depths of what was once a baseball hell sitting with a jersey with the name of the guy who will make the difference in this series...
Nothing like a bulls eye on the lower back to tell everybody your game.
Red Sox in 7.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
WORLD SERIES PREDICTION
THE NFL IS SO HUGE...
even retards apparently watch it.
Must deny craving for Jewish food...ahhhh!!!
I don't even want to think of what this person did with her thumb when they won their last Super Bowl.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 12:11 PM
AMERICA'S BIGGEST DOUCHE ROOTING FOR THE RED SOX
You needed yet another reason not to vote for the guy, well here you go. Former New York mayor and all around douchebag Rudy Giuliani is rooting for the Red Sox in the World Series.
That's right folks, the self proclaimed biggest Yankees fan in the world is rooting for their hated rival.
"I'm rooting for the Red Sox," the Republican presidential contender Tuesday told a Boston audience, just a few T stops from Fenway Park.
"I'm an American League fan, and I go with the American League team, maybe with the exception of the Mets. Maybe that would be the one time I wouldn't because I'm loyal to New York."
If you are a serious fan of the Yankees there is no way you can root for the Red Sox under any circumstance. I'm an Orioles fan and I hope the Red Sox get their asses handed to them by the Rockies only because the Red Sux are in our division.
So stop with the "I'm an American League fan" bullshit Giuliani and stick to your New York roots. And please stop mentioning 9/11 every fucking time you have a speech. We know you were there. We watched. The real heroes are the firefighters, the policemen and women,the troops, and the citizens who didn't use the tragedy as a platform to go for a political seat but rather did it because they actually care for their fellow human beings.
And before I get the hate mail let it be known that I have hated Giuliani ever since he gave Jeffrey Maier a key to the city for cheating. I'm all about forgiving people but seriously, fuck those two douchebags.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 9:58 AM