2017 SportsCrack NFL Mock Draft

Finally after months of conjecture, rumors and talking heads with their hot takes we are here: the NFL Draft starts tonight.
Here is my mock draft which mocks all the rest while wearing moccasins because that's what Johnny Moxon would do at West Canaan.

1.  Cleveland Browns: Myles Garrett, DE
This is the day all Cleveland fans dread.  The NFL draft is just further reformation your franchise is in a never ending shitter.  But I will say Garrett is the best pick here and could be the most "safe" pick.  He's a day one starter.  Don't fuck it up Cleveland and draft a QB.
2. San Francisco 49ers: Jamal Adams, S
This pick right here tells you how bad of a QB draft this is.  The Browns and 49ers are both in desperate need of a QB and neither will touch one.
3. Chicago Bears: Soloman Thomas, DE
Don't laugh but from all the videos I've seen I think Thomas is the better pick over Garrett.  Bears get themselves another Richard Dent with this pick.
4. Jacksonville Jaguars: Leonard Fournette, RB
I'm not high on Fournette and personally I would rather have Dalvin Cook if I'm picking a RB but the Jaguars seem to be all in for BUGA.

5. Tennessee Titans: Mike Williams, WR
Titans need to get Marcus Mariota a legit receiver and if you watched the National Championship game you will have noticed Clemson's Williams dominate Bama's stellar secondary.
6.  New York Jets: Christian McCaffrey, RB
Ed's son can basically do it all on offense and will be called upon in the city that never sleeps.  No pressure... just don't fuck it up.
7. Los Angeles Chargers: Jonathan Allen, DE/DT
LA's newest team gets a bit of luck as Bama's Allen slips to them at lucky number 7.
8. Carolina Panthers: Malik Hooker, S
Some people have compared this Hooker to Ed Reed which seems a little call girlish and premature personally.
9. Cincinnati Bengals: Marshon Lattimore, CB
It's only a matter of time before Pacman Jones spits, kicks, punches, shoots or abuses some other person so you need a backup plan.  Lattimore grades out as the top corner in the draft.
10. Buffalo Bills: Kevin King, CB
The Bills want Lattimore to replace Stephon Gilmore but with him gone the pick before they go with the 2nd corner on their board in King.
11. New Orleans Saints: Haason Reddick, LB
Did you know that Reddick was a fucking walk on at Temple?  Crazy right?  Now here he is getting drafted in the first round.
12. Cleveland Browns: Mitchell Trubisky, QB
We finally get a QB picked and of course it's the Browns who do it.  Poor little Mitchell Trubisky has no chance of winning in Cleveland.  At least he will have a lot of money to drown those sorrows.
13. Arizona Cardinals: Corey Davis, WR
Fitzgerald is no spring chicken and Michael Floyd is still driving drunk somewhere so the Cardinals need to get Carson Palmer a player on the outside for his final season.
14. Philadelphia Eagles: Derek Barnett, DE
The Eagles need another edge rusher and the last time they drafted one out of Tennessee it seemed to pay off.
15. Indianapolis Colts: Charles Harris, OLB
Colts could be looking to trade down to get more picks but if they don't they take the best player available in Harris.
16. Baltimore Ravens: Reuben Foster, LB
Foster failed a drug test and was kicked out of the Combine because of his attitude.  Sounds like the perfect LB for the Ravens!
17. Washington Redskins: Dalvin Cook, RB
When all is said and done Cook will be the best RB in this class.
18. Tennessee Titans: Marlon Humphrey, CB
Titans are in desperate need for corners.
19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: O.J. Howard, TE
Jameis Winston gets himself another weapon.
20. Denver Broncos: Garett Boles, OT
Crazy to think the first offensive tackle taken in the draft would be this late but the Broncos get their guy in Boles.
21. Detroit Lions: T.J. Watt, DE/OLB
JJ's brother gets scooped up because the Lions are in desperate need of an edge rusher.
22. Miami Dolphins: Jarrad Davis, LB
Dolphins are looking for the best available LB and Davis fits the description.
23. New York Giants: Ryan Ramczyk, OT
The Giants want Boles so they could trade up to get him.  If not they take the next best offensive tackle in Ramczyk.
24. Oakland Radiers: Zach Cunningham, LB
25. Houston Texans: Patrick Mahomes, QB
Texans surprise everybody by passing on Deshaun Watson to take a local kid in Mahomes.
26. Seattle Seahawks: Obi Melifonwu, S
Love this kid at safety.  Athleticism is through the roof.
27. Kansas City Chiefs: Forrest Lamp, OG
The best guard in the draft gets scooped up.
28. Dallas Cowboys: Adoree Jackson, CB
Cowboys reach with this pick but even if Jackson never amounts to anything as a corner he could still be a hell of a returner.
29. Green Bay Packers: Joe Mixon, RB
The Packers got a puncher's chance here with Mixon.
30. Pittsburgh Steelers: DeShone Kizer, QB
The Steelers know all about Kizer and have been scouting him extensively, more than any other team reportedly.  He will get a chance to be Roethlisberger's backup or maybe a starter if Big Ben chooses to retire.

31. Atlanta Falcons: Taco Charlton, DE
As a Falcons fans I would be ecstatic if Taco falls this far to them.  Atlanta is in need of edge rushers and Taco certainly fits the description.
32. New Orleans Saints: Deshaun Watson, QB
Saints need to find an eventual replacement for Drew Brees and Watson is the best available if they decide to stick with this pick and not trade down.

Chris Coghlan Pulls His Best Willie Mays Hayes Slide with this dive over Yadier Molina

In case you missed Chris Coghlan's dive into home plate last night... pic.twitter.com/cgnllS9m34

— Norm Kelly (@norm) April 26, 2017

I think it's safe to say Toronto Blue Jay's Chris Coghlan slide/dive last night in St. Louis over Yadier Molina is in the pole position for MLB play of the year.  If one of us mere mortals even attempted such a slide good chance we would end up with a broken neck.

Jim Harbaugh Gives Pope Francis a Pair of Air Jordans and a Michigan Football Helmet

I think it's safe to say we have reached peak Jim Harbaugh.  The Michigan football coach gave "His Holliness" Pope Francis a full size Michigan football helmet and a classic pair of Maize and Blue Air Jordans at the Vatican with his football team.

I'm actually more shocked Harbaugh didn't offer the Pope a warm glass of milk.

You gotta give credit where credit is due: Harbaugh is one of a kind.  Despite his winless record vs Ohio State he's getting people to talk about Michigan football around the world.  That in itself is a holy miracle considering they got one split national championship in the last 70 years!



Harbaugh doing God's work...



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2017 Notre Dame Blue Gold Game Highlights

Notre Dame football completed spring camp with their final practice, the 15th, in the annual Blue-Gold game at Notre Dame Stadium on Saturday.  After the long 4-8 season of 2016 it was refreshing to see Notre Dame not lose.

In all seriousness there were a lot of bright spots for ND.

The two QBs, Brandon Wimbush and Ian Book, while wearing no contact red jerseys both performed admirably.  Wimbush is the presumed starter and he showed off some NFL throws to WR Chase Claypool.  Wimbush was a little inconsistent with a couple of turnovers but I think a large part of that was the red jersey messing with his routine.  Book was excellent and the rising sophomore looked very capable of handling the back up duties this fall.  I had to do a couple of double takes because I thought Johnny Manziel decided to come back to college and be the backup QB at ND.  Book was that good with his throwing (much better arm than I anticipated) and accuracy along with reading the defenses and making quick decisions.  The backup QB spot is in good hands with Book.

I also thought the RB trio of Josh Adams, Tony Jones Jr., and Dexter Williams provided a much needed balance to the offense.  All three ran with purpose and had individual highlight plays.

I was also extremely impressed with the receiving core.  Claypool, Equanemious St. Brown, and Miles Boykin all started at the X, Y and Z positions and caught everything from what I recall.  Each one of them is over 6'4 and I'm starting to get 2005 flashbacks with Brady Quinn throwing the ball up to the likes of Jeff Samardzija, Maurice Stovall and Anthony Fasano.  The tight ends also looked tremendous with Alize "Return of the Mack" coming off his academic suspension and basically being unstoppable.

The defensive line to my surprise provided consistent rush to the QBs accounting for 9 sacks total.  Remember the QBs had no contact red jerseys so as soon as the defender was close it was ruled a sack.  Rising sophomore Daelin Hayes was a monster and looked like the 5-star prospect coming out of high school.  Daelin had 3 sacks and Jay Hayes (no relation) also had a couple from what I recall.

The linebacking core played great and instead of engaging with blockers they actually played downfield for a change.  You can tell new defensive coordinator Mike Elko has made a huge difference in the mentality of the defense.  Guys like Nyles Morgan (tremendous trucking of All-American left guard Quenton Nelson) and Greer Martini were unstoppable at times and rover Drue Tranquill looked like a Harrison Smith clone out there.

The secondary also played well and picked up some turnovers.  It's refreshing to see ND have a lot of depth on the back end of the defense and despite some missed tackles I thought they played extremely well.

Also Jonathan Doerer, the freshman kicker brought in for insurance in case Justin Yoon can't kick this fall, showed a consistent leg and nailed all of his field goal attempts in the middle of the uprights.

One of the few knocks I had on the team was the play of the offensive line which is suppose to be a strength.  Offensive line coach Harry Hiestand looks like he has some problems on the right side of the line where DE Daelin Hayes was basically having a field day in the backfield.  They got plenty of time to correct those mistakes though as the season is still 120 plus days away.

Overall I liked what I saw from the glorified practice scrimmage.  You can tell the coaching changes have helped and I love seeing Chip Long use the tight ends more while also having the QB line up behind center and have some two-back sets.  I don't see any reason with the starting and second string talent why Notre Dame can't break many offensive records this year.  The tackling still needs work but I thought the defense played fast.  Still need to get more consistent effort from the likes of Jerry Tillery and Daniel Cage in the middle and I think with freshman Darnell Ewell coming in summer will help push their effort level.

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Rickie Fowler's New Girlfriend is Internet Sensation Allison Stokke?

Well well well.  It looks like little Rickie Fowler caught himself a grand slam trophy of a girlfriend in internet sensation Allison Stokke.

If you recall Stokke went viral back in high school a few years ago for her incredible looks as a pole vaulter with this single picture:

Stokke went on to earn a scholarship and become an All-American pole vaulter at Cal-Berkeley and has since graduated.  Stokke never made the USA Olympic team but the internet never slept on her and continued to produce top pictures of herself from mostly her Instagram account.

Well this week she posted this Instagram picture with new boyfriend(?) Fowler at the MotoGP Grand Prix of the Americas with the caption "We tied?"

We tied?

A post shared by Allison Stokke (@allisonstokke) on Apr 23, 2017 at 4:47pm PDT

Not to be outdone Fowler posted on his Instagram too a picture with Stokke with the caption "I won!"

I won!

A post shared by R I C K I E (@rickiefowler) on Apr 23, 2017 at 4:47pm PDT

This is a match made in sports heaven.  You gotta a guy who is really good at getting his balls into a little hole with a woman who knows how to handle a long pole.  In the meantime lets take a look at some more pictures of Stokke for "research purposes."

A post shared by Allison Stokke (@allisonstokke) on Jan 25, 2017 at 12:19pm PST

A post shared by Allison Stokke (@allisonstokke) on Jun 3, 2016 at 1:33pm PDT

✔️

A post shared by Allison Stokke (@allisonstokke) on Feb 1, 2016 at 1:50pm PST

Strange Injury Report: Madison Bumgarner To Disabled List Due To Dirt bike Accident

Oh MadBum you crazy mother fucker.  It's bad enough the San Francisco Giants are sitting at 6-10 on the season but now they just lost their ace for 6-8 weeks because of a fucking dirt bike crash on their off day.  I'm sure the Giants and their fans are happy about it.

But honestly if you could think of one baseball player doing something like this I think one of the first names that would pop up is an admitted redneck like Madison Bumgarner.  He was probably riding the dirt bike and saw some harmless dude with a Dodgers hat smile at him and swerved while shouting "DON'T LOOK AT ME!" and BAM...shoulder AC sprain and his season is basically fucked.

Oh well.  Just gives me more of a reason to sell more of the #DON'TLOOKATME shirts!

By the way you can buy them here...just saying.

Vanderbilt Football Releases a Sorority Parody Video Worth Watching

Someone please remind me again how Georgia lost to this Vanderbilt team at home on homecoming?  A Vandy team that makes sorority parody videos during spring practice.  No lie I chuckled a couple of times at the Anchor Down lines and one of my littles but it didn't make me laugh nearly as much as watching LB Zach Cunningham tackle little guy Isaiah McKenzie on 4th and 1 for a loss instead of going to Nick Chubb or Sony Michel.  That's not smart football Kirby (pun intended).

WATCH THIS VIRAL VIDEO: Cubs Fan flashes the crowd at Wrigley Field (NSFW)

This is what happens when you win your first World Series in 108 years: the nipples are free in Wrigley Field.  You gotta love the title of the Youtube video of "drunk" woman.. I would say that's a tad presumptuous but we are talking about the bleacher bums here.  Drunk is a foregone conclusion especially when you are showing off your chesticles.  You know some kid named Johnny or Tommy got his first bare breast facial at the Cubs game and unlike the past when nothing was recorded he can actually brag to his classmates the next day and prove it by pulling up this Youtube video.
What a time to be alive.  Boobs and baseball.  If that ain't Americana then I don't know what is.

Freddie Freeman Sets Atlanta Braves Record By Reaching Base 12 Straight Times with the first SunTrust Park fountain HR

Splashdown. https://t.co/WMPykx91OL pic.twitter.com/hkGpJrRNyt

— Atlanta Braves (@Braves) April 20, 2017

If you are a Braves fan this was the one highlight from last night's rout by the hands of Bryce Harper and the Nationals losing 14-4.

Freddie Freeman set an Atlanta Braves franchise record by reaching base for the 12th consecutive time by hitting a solo shot into the SunTrust Park fountain just beyond the centerfield fence.

Freeman's 6th home run of the year kept his scorching hot bat going where his OPS is at a ridiculous 1.453 while he leads the majors in batting average at .440 and on base percentage at .533.  Even with Freeman's 6 HRs, 4 doubles and 1 triple he only has 8, yes 8 RBIs, batting 3rd in the lineup.

Why only 8 RBIs?  Because the man batting in the 2 spot aka Dansby Swanson has been horrible the first two weeks of the season (155 OBP) and simply can't get on base to set the table for MVFreeman.
Brian Snitker gets paid handsomely to manage the Braves albeit only a one year contract so he needs to do the right thing and drop Dansby in the order while either putting either Nick Markakis (367 OBP) or Brandon Phillips (362 OBP) in the 2 spot in front of Freeman.  It's an absolute crime for Freeman to only have 8 RBIs.

With Matt Kemp coming off the 10-day DL today my hope would be the top of the order will be:

1) Ender Inciarte (started slow but slowly heating up)
2) Brandon Phillips
3) Freddie Freeman
4) Matt Kemp
5) Nick Markakis

Roll with this lineup for at least a week while dropping Dansby to 7 or 8 in the lineup and see where your chips fall.

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SunTrust Park Might Have Produced It's First Offspring with these two dry humping fans

Love was in the air at the Braves game last night. pic.twitter.com/zFyn1ZB6jh

— Old Row Sports (@OldRowSports) April 19, 2017

Haven't seen this much dry humping since Tim Tebow was playing with his Jesus pillow in Gainesville.  Good lord people get a room.  The only dry humping allowed in the Braves new SunTrust Park should be myself on Freddie Freeman's bat because holy shit is he hot right now.

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Christian McCaffrey Shows Off His Insanely Fast Feet

This is in real time. Dayuuum, Christian McCafffrey! 👀 👀
(via @CMcCaffrey5) pic.twitter.com/bdiolMMX4t

— UPROXX Sports (@UPROXXSports) April 19, 2017

We are less than a couple of weeks till the NFL Draft and it's good to see that Stanford RB Christian McCaffrey had enough preparation time to skip his team's bowl game in order to compete for fastest feet in the draft.

Yes that is not a sped up video of any kind and yes McCaffrey seems to be really fast when running in one place.  It should work wonders for him in the NFL jittering like Tyrone Biggums on Red Balls.


Dave Chappelle - Red Balls Sketch by fruitycycling

Not sure what the point of McCaffrey (@CMcCaffrey5) posting a video of himself running in place was but it gave me an excellent reason to post a Tyrone Biggums clip so all is right in the world.

Also good to see the Broncos Brady Quinn jersey framed up along with a Thrashers jersey in the background.  Like Quinn and the Thrashers McCaffrey should have a long and prosperous career running in one place.

Dansby Swanson Gets Ice Bath After First Ever SunTrust Park Walk Off Hit

First the walk off hit...

Bottom of the 9th, 2 outs, tie ballgame.

Take it away @LieutenantDans7: pic.twitter.com/CqzywQCLVj

— Atlanta Braves (@Braves) April 18, 2017

Then the ice bath from Freddie Freeman and Bonifacio...

.@LieutenantDans7 gets the ice bath after @Braves pick up first walk-off win at SunTrust Park. #WelcomeHome pic.twitter.com/ChYVGAYua1

— FOX Sports: Braves (@FOXSportsBraves) April 18, 2017

Now this is how you christen a new stadium!

The Braves opened SunTrust Park on Friday and finished their first 4-game sweep (still undefeated at home) in dramatic fashion last night as rookie SS Dansby Swanson delivered the clutch bases loaded single in the 9th inning.

Swanson who came in struggling with the bat even though he's hit the ball solid just right at people delivered the first ever walk off hit in SunTrust Park history.

Swanson joins Hank Aaron (1966 - Fulton County Stadium) and Andruw Jones (1997- Turner Field) in the first ever stadium walk off department hits.  With the win the Braves get back to the .500 mark at 6-6 and now welcome in their division rival the Washington Nationals.  Hopefully the only thing cooling off the Braves was the ice bath Swanson received last night via teammates.

In the meantime #ChopOn and buy some shirts!!!!