PLAYOFFS BABY!!

SO THIS IS WHAT $243 MILLION WILL BUY YOU

A.J. Burnett and his wife Karen(rumored to be an ex-stripper) supposedly wanted to stay near their home in Bowie, MD but then when the Yankees offered $82 mil all bets were off. C.C. Sabathia and his wife wanted to go back to home on the West Coast but then the Yankees blew out everybody and gave him $161 million. Two pitchers for $243 million who with fantastic seasons might win 35-40 games combined if C.C. doesn't blow out his arm on a plate of spaghetti and A.J. doesn't trip over a hangnail to the disabled list.

There is no doubt the Yankees are a way better team today then they were last week. But $243 million for two guys in a terrible economy bordering on the line between shitty and nasty? Now that is just stupid. At least tickets in the new billion dollar plus stadium will be cheap next season. If you want to sit in the lower deck the minimum seat is $100 with prices going up to $2500 per seat. Second deck starts at $75 a ticket. And the cheap seats in the upper bowl, in between air traffic and the Empire State Building go for $20. At least from those seats you won't be able to see Madonna's VD. Have fun Yankees fans taking your family to a ballgame which would make Disney World envious of the cash you spill for 3 hours of boredom.

THIS IS FOR GENE CHIZIK MR. BARKLEY

Bravo C-Webb for pulling a good one on Charles Barkley with the President Bush shoe throwing impersonation.

BRAVES PRESIDENT JOHN SCHUERHOLZ GOES OFF ON FURCAL'S AGENTS

Current Atlanta Braves president and former GM John Schuerholz had these choice words for the agent of Rafael Furcal as told by the AJC's Jeff Schultz:

“Having been in this business for 40-some years, I’ve never seen anybody treated like that,” Schuerholz said. “The Atlanta Braves will no longer do business with that company — ever. I told [agent] Arn Tellem that we can’t trust them to be honest and forthright. I told him that in all my years, I’ve never seen any [agency] act in such a despicable manner.

“It was disgusting and unprofessional. We’re a proud organization and we won’t allow ourselves to be treated that way. I advised Arn Tellem that whatever players he represents, just scratch us off the list. Take the name of the Atlanta Braves off their speed dial. They can deal with the other 29 clubs and we’ll deal with the other hundred agents.”

“I expressed my great disappointment to him,” he said. “I watched as Frank shared with me the circumstances of his negotiations with Furcal — negotiations to the point where we increased our offer and he [Kinzer] then asked for a signed term sheet to be sent over. We never got that signed term sheet faxed back to us and we later found out why — because they took that offer and shopped it.”

When asked about Tellem’s reaction, Schuerholz said: “He was surprised. He tried to explain himself. He said he had nothing to do with it — it was the work of Paul Kinzer. I reminded him that [Kinzer] works for him and he has to stand behind the people who work for him. I told him I was making this official, and I was going to make it public.”

As much as I hate agents and some of the things they do in bartering a player's career why don't the owners/GM's ever hold the player accountable? Doesn't Rafael Furcal have some part of the blame on this deal? If he really wanted to come back to Atlanta I think he would have signed the papers and been done with it but they shopped it back to the Dodgers so he would have to have some knowledge of this.

I'm starting to worry that this shit is going to happen to Mark Teixeira in his dealings with Scott Boras. Teixeira wants to play for the Baltimore Orioles. He really does as hard as it is for some people to understand. Mark and I are basically the same person except he makes millions and millions of dollars and is a hell of a baseball player. We both grew up loving the Orioles and idolized Cal Ripken. In fact I believe we were born in the same hospital and our families are both from the Severna Park, MD area. We both went to college in Georgia and met our wives there. And being an Orioles fan there is no way in hell I would sign with the Red Sox, Yankees, or Washington Nationals over my beloved Baltimore Orioles. He could be close to home with family and friends and all the trimmings of being a local hero come home to revitalize a once proud franchise. And if the Orioles offered $140-150 million for 7 years then why would you take that offer and shop it to your rivals and go with those guys instead of the franchise you grew up loving. It just doesn't make a lot of sense. It can't all be about the money right? Tell me it's not just about the money Tex? Sorry, I watched Jerry Maguire the other night.

Anyways this offseason of baseball is making my stomach turn and making more disgusted with the sport as a whole. It's too much about shady agents and dumb owners and GM's giving players who aren't worth the money way too much of it. There seems to be no loyalty anymore and it even seems to trickle down to the writers like Buster Olney and Peter Gammons who think no other teams beside the Red Sox and Yankees should bid for players or think about going after the top free agents because those two teams are the only ones that matter. I'm sick of it to be honest with you.

If Teixeira signs with the Red Sox then I am not going to watch any baseball in 2009. I'm serious. There is no reason why the Red Sox are even bidding for his services. They have an All-Star first baseman in Kevin Youkilis and a great DH in David Ortiz so what is the point in adding him? Hopefully Teixeira goes with his heart and signs with the Orioles and then I can order my MLB package and go to the games and spend $9 on a fucking beer and $15 for parking because it's the "economics of the game."

Oh yeah, on the original point of the article. Good for Schuerholz in stepping up and telling those dirtbag agents to go fuck off. This is what separates current GM Frank Wren from Schuerholz. He has balls and is not afraid to tell an agent or a player to basically go fuck off. I wish he was still the Braves GM because they would have a hell of a lot better product on the field next year.

F THE CELTICS...JOSH SMITH AND THE HAWKS WILL GET THEM NEXT TIME

So the Atlanta Hawks didn't beat the obnoxious Boston Celtics last night to end their 15 game winning streak and I say who cares. The Hawks match up well with the Celtics and you can tell that KG and Paul Pierce are scared of what this team could do to them come playoff time. The Celtics with the win are now 24-2 and clearly the best team in the NBA(although I'm sure Lakers and Cavs fans would disagree) but they are afraid of this Atlanta squad ever since the Hawks took them to 7 improbable games last year in the playoffs. You don't see KG or Pierce shouting with emotion after a normal victory over the Grizzlies because they don't fear them. Josh Smith and the Hawks will have the last laugh. Sure the Celtics are 2-0 so far against the Hawks but both games could have easily and probably should have been won by Atlanta. I'm going to go out on a limb right now and say the Hawks will eliminate the Celtics in the playoffs.

NBA Finals Prediction: Hawks vs. Lakers bitches!

IRAQ SHOE THROWING STORE

Sorry I have been light on the posts recently. This week has been extremely busy for me with the whole Christmas shopping thing going and shipping out stuff and answering emails like an insane Iraqi shoe salesman. After watching the video above, which made my sides hurt from laughter, I have to give President Bush some props. Way to duck those flying saucers called shoes! And what in the hell was the Secret Service doing? It's almost like they wanted him to get hit. There was no agent throwing his body in front of the second shoe to protect the President. Those guys should be hired to protect Scott Boras.

BETWEEN TWO FERNS

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis by Between Two Ferns

File that under WHO GIVES A SHIT.

PRO BOWL SNUBS

I will be the first to admit that I could usually care less who makes the Pro Bowl. It's a glorified vacation in Hawaii with worn out NFL players sipping down Singapore Slings and Mai Tais while staring down other things then their wives(call it the Antonio Pierce syndrome) and less about going out and playing tackle football. But this year I have watched a ton of NFL football mainly because the Atlanta Falcons and Baltimore Ravens are both battling for playoffs spots with rookie quarterbacks and rookie head coaches and so I have invested something in the 2008 season.

How these players didn't make the Pro Bowl is a joke and signals how much of the selection is just on past reputation:

JOHN ABRAHAM (Atlanta Falcons)-Abraham has been a beast all season playing on a Falcon's defense which is underrated. Abraham leads all NFL defensive ends in sacks with 15 1/2 yet he got shafted in favor of an underperforming Julius Peppers. We all know Jared Allen of the Minnesota Vikings and Justin Tuck of the New York Giants should be there but picking Peppers over Abraham is an injustice. He has 3 more sacks and has come up huge in big play situations for the Falcons unlike Peppers.

STEVE SLATON (Houston Texans)-Let me be the first to admit, like my prediction on Matt Ryan, that I was completely wrong about Slaton's impact in the NFL. I honestly didn't think he would have one. But Slaton has proved me wrong by rushing for 1,124 yards and 12 TD's while also catching 40 balls. He deserved to get the nod over Ronnie Brown of the Miami Dolphins. Brown has rushed for 300 LESS yards, 2 TD's LESS, and caught 16 LESS balls while averaging LESS yards per carry than Slaton. That is a lot of LESS and therefore Slaton won't be able to enjoy the leis of Hawaii when he should be.

PHILIP RIVERS (San Diego Chargers)-He has 28 TD passes to lead the AFC and has an impressive QB rating of 101.4. Yet Brett Favre makes the Pro Bowl over him despite leading the NFL in interceptions and his 21 TD's and 86.4 QB rating are not even close to comparable to Rivers. What a fucking joke! Favre might be one of the most overrated players in NFL history. Just ask Peter King after he gets off his knees and removes Favre's member from his mouth.

Those are my three biggest snubs. There are others like Ryan Clady of the Broncos who you could make an argument should be there but I felt there was no argument against Abraham, Slaton, or Rivers getting the selection.

HITLER REACTS TO NOTRE DAME COACHING

Ich liebe Urban Meyer!

BRIAN MCCANN HAS A SUPERBAD MOMENT ON HIS BAT

Deadspin has this great picture of Atlanta Braves catcher Brian McCann who apparently likes to draw things on his bat. I think we could all see this coming when McCann was in high school and admitted his problem with dong drawing....

CONVINCING SIEMENS COMMERCIAL

First be warned before viewing this commercial. IT HAS NUDITY! I know, it's terrible and obviously not safe for work and the commercial makes little sense but either does this blog and it's readers so I figured why not post it. Obviously the Europeans are a little bit more open in terms of nudity and sky diving...

Link:

God I would love to see a commercial like this played during the Super Bowl just to see the reactions from all the conservative Christians. Their tears of guilt would make it all worth while. Sinners.

Also I found this story pretty interesting in regards to France's First Lady Carla Bruni. Apparently she is suing a bag maker over the use of her nude image while she was a model back in the day. The bags are a huge hit and if you look at her below you can tell why. What is the world coming to when the French get this is a first lady and we got 8 years of George Bush?

She has my vote! You can view more Carla Bruni pics at this link.

Video HT: Joe

AUBURN LOVES THEM SOME GENE CHIZIK

Boooo, 5-19 is not good enough at Iowa State but apparently it's okay for Auburn to fire Tommy Turberville and replace him with Gene Chizik. Laughter and crying can now commence as Auburn goes back to being the doormat of Alabama...


I feel bad for Auburn. Their fans are obviously upset and vulnerable right now. They already hate Gene Chizik and he has yet to even call a play. This of course is the complete opposite of how Alabama fans reacted to the hire of Nick Saban. We going bowling...WHHHHOOOOOO!!!!....


Video HT: Billy

WAS IT A TOUCHDOWN?

The two top ranked NFL defenses showed up yesterday in Baltimore in a great game ending with a controversial call. Personally it didn't look like the ball broke the plane of the end zone and I'm not sure what the officials saw on replay to make it indisputable. Remember that the goal line official spotted Santonio Holmes just short of the end zone so when they went to replay the call had to be indisputable to over turn the original call. So in other words the Ravens got screwed at home. With the win the Pittsburgh Steelers won the AFC North and will now enjoy a first round bye and have a good chance of getting home field advantage throughout the playoffs. Right now the Steelers are playing great football and with the New York Giants looking like garbage in Dallas last night I believe you have to put the Steelers as the favorite to win the Super Bowl.

THE CAN'T MENTION NAME AWARD BEING HANDED OUT PREDICTION

Since I can no longer mention the name or post pictures of the award without being threatened with a lawsuit I will just name the major award they give out tomorrow as the "Most Hyped Bullshit Award for the Guy who will probably blow balls in their respective bowl game and in the NFL."

So without further ado here is my final ballot:

1. Colt McCoy (Texas)-Led his team to a near undefeated season while leading them in rushing as a QB and accounting for over 40 TD's while completing near 80% of his passes. And he beat Sam Bradford and Texas should be playing in the BCS Title game and maybe, just maybe, this makes up for Vince Young not winning it a few seasons ago. Unfortunately with winning this award McCoy will now suck it up in the Fiesta Bowl against an over matched Buckeyes squad who have no right to be in a BCS Bowl game.

2. Tim Tebow (Florida)-He won it last year and again he had an excellent season. But not as good as last year. Tebow will take the consolation prize with a National Championship ring to add to his multiple awards.

3. Sam Bradford (Oklahoma)-Had an unbelievable year even when the Sooners were throwing for TD's late in the fourth quarter up by 40 points. Of course it's not his fault by any means but he lost to McCoy and I am shallow like that.

4. Michael Crabtree (Texas Tech)-I think he is the best player in college football. Maybe he should be #1 but his season stats were not nearly as unbelievable as last year.

5. Graham Harrell (Texas Tech)-Hey, we all know he got fucked not getting the invite. The committee got cheap because the economy is in shambles and they need to sue bloggers. Nothing but love from Sportscrack Graham, you should be there in NYC.

6. Shonn Greene (Iowa)-Ran for over 100 yards in every game and personally carried the Hawkeyes to a pretty big bowl while rushing for over 1700 yards and 17 TDs.

MARRIAGE ADVICE FROM MIKE WILBON

Some women's basketball player named Candace Parker and Shelden Williams got this sound marriage advice from PTI's Mike Wilbon...

I have never been a big fan of Wilbon but this made me laugh out loud.

Video HT: FanIQ

SINCE I DRIVE A DODGE...

...I thought this particular spoof advertisement was really funny. Plus I needed the laugh after an organization which will remain nameless has threatened to sue me because I make dick for money and they don't want to be affiliated or even mentioned by Sportscrack.

Oh yeah, the organization is Floppy's R Us. They also make dicks for money and they like to screw with the little guys.

No worries though, their name will never be mentioned again. This I promise.

Image HT: Dan

MICHAEL PHELPS LOVES BUSTY COCKTAIL WAITRESSES

Via WWTDD via Splash News comes this photo of Olympic hero Michael Phelps walking through LAX airport with his new girlfriend who just happens to be a Las Vegas cocktease...sorry, I meant cocktail waitress. This is what 8 Gold medals will get you kids. Fame, money and STD's. God bless you Phelps.

BARRY SANDERS JR. CAN PLAY

Just a freshman at Heritage Hall in Oklahoma, Barry Sanders Jr. made varsity and ripped off this 64 yard touchdown run in the Oklahoma Class 2A State Semi-Finals.

We can all pretty much agree that Barry's dad is one of the greatest runningbacks of all-time. Hell, he probably is the best ever. He played on a lot of terrible Detroit Lions teams and yet made them somewhat respectable. That in itself should make him one of the greatest. But I worry about Junior. A lot of people including myself at times are going to expect the kid to be as good or perhaps become better than his dad. It's just not possible. Barry Sr. could do things on the football field only LT and Adrian Peterson could dream of doing.

Unfortunately for all of us the hype around this kid is going to be insane for the next decade. Rivals and Scout websites will be blowing smoke up our asses about how he has better vision than Senior and he is faster. He will be setup with unreal expectations because of his bloodlines. USC coach Pete Carroll will be handing over dead hooker after dead hooker in hopes of enticing Junior into the dark side of South Central. It's going to be sad really.

Pete Carroll will be humming "every single breath you take, every tackle you break, every single day, I will be watching you" as he jerks off to old Naked Gun clips of Nordberg...


Barry Sanders Jr. Video: FanIQ

URBAN MEYER AGAIN STATES "NOTRE DAME IS MY DREAM JOB"

To all the people who doubt Florida head coach Urban Meyer would ever leave Gainesville for South Bend please click on this link, pick the Urban Meyer interview on the scroll board, and fast forward it to the 6:30 mark. The interview is from yesterday with Jim Mandich of Sports Radio 560 WQAM.

I think it has become painfully clear that if Charlie Weis doesn't succeed to some level in 2009 (BCS Bowl game is a must especially with their weak schedule) then Urban Meyer will be the head football coach of Notre Dame in 2010. The perfect storm will happen because Tim Tebow will be finishing off his senior season and riding off into the choppy waters of NFL obscurity while Urban takes a deal at Notre Dame with the hopes of gaining a statue and becoming a legend at Notre Dame Stadium like his mentor in Lou Holtz.

Link HT: Jeff

SPORTSCRACK BOWL PICK EM CONTEST

Before you kick off your snow boots and enjoy a cold one feel free to join the 2nd annual Sportscrack Bowl Pick Em Contest. Whomever gets the most points at the end of the contest gets their choice of prizes.

You can either get:
A)$75 worth of Sportscrack Tees and/or Drink Like A Champion Today Tees
B)A Full Size Replica Football helmet of your favorite team(can be NCAA or NFL)

Remember that you are only picking the winners of the bowl games and NOT betting against the spread. You will assign a point value to each bowl game in terms of your confidence level. For instance everybody with half a brain knows Florida is going to blow out Oklahoma in the BCS Title game so assign a ton of points to it.

If you have any questions feel free to email me at matt@sportscrack.com.

Beautiful Beer image above courtesy of Andrew Merriam.

Also, to anybody who won our weekly College Football Pick Em contest during the regular season, please email me at the same address and tell me which week you won along with your user name and we will arrange shipping you your free Sportscrack shirt. If you live in Canada then I'm sorry. No shipping across the border eh!