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Just because you are savage animals with shit for brains doesn't mean you try to catch the ball with your face. I swear to God these people will just never learn. You have to use your hands to catch the ball! Thousands of years of evolution and still we got these imbeciles trying to catch it with their enormous nostrils like they are sucking up blow off toilet seats on Wall Street.
And yes I recognize the Yankees swept the pathetic Orioles once again. Summer wouldn't seem the same without that storyline.
You know sometimes the pictures just write the headlines themselves. It's not necessarily my perverse view of the world. It's that sultry Kate Upton who thinks of shit like this while posing for "The Complex" and killing all men inside...and out.
Keep on rocking it Ms. Upton...
The Carolina Panthers went 2-14 last season with a rookie QB in Jimmy Clausen taking the majority of the snaps. They had by far the worst offense in the NFL last season ranking dead last in points, yards, and passing yards. Clausen didn't help matters with an abysmal 52.5% completion percentage and a 58.4 QB rating along with a 3-to-9 touchdown to interception rate. So this year it appears they are going to bench the young Clausen in favor of #1 pick Cam Newton. Cam is a player who Peter King describes as "a little inaccurate...but he had a couple of great deep throws." Sweet. He basically described another Jamarcus Russell.
The Panthers current Vegas odds on their win total is 4.5. Right now I don't see them beating anybody in the NFL South. The Falcons, Saints, and Buccaneers should go undefeated against Carolina who will be breaking in not only a rookie QB with tremendous expectations but a rookie coach in Ron Rivera. The only winnable games I see on their schedule are the opener vs. Arizona on the road and then an October 23rd game vs the Redskins and a November 13th game vs the Titans. And while I'm fully aware that every game in the NFL should be a "Any Given Sunday" attitude towards the final outcome I can't help but look at the Panthers and think they are going to win no more than 3 games all season if they are lucky.
Bet the under of 4.5 wins for Carolina. They are going to be awful. Trust me.
It's been a long season for the lovable losers from the Northside. But pitcher Kerry Wood brought a ray of sunshine on this cloudy 2011 season for the Cubbies with this nifty behind-the-back snag to start a 1-6-3 double play. Somewhere Steve Bartman is in full clown outfit with single tear going down left cheek.
The debt ceiling is your fault Netflix. I wanted two DVDs at one time. Not one like some dickhead. Now I'm the dickhead because of you Netflix. I can't afford the extra $6 a month. That's like 3 months salary for a blogger. What a bunch of heartless bastards!
Three days away from the trade deadline and the big move Atlanta Braves GM Frank Wren has made so far to improve a dreadful offense is trade for the great Wil Nieves for a $1. There is no question to anybody with half a brain that the Braves desperately need an outfielder with a right handed bat with some pop. They don't need Nieves even with All-Star catcher Brian McCann on the DL.
So instead of going big and getting a Carlos Beltran or a Adam Jones or even a BJ Upton or settling for a Carlos Quentin the Braves are going to get either a Josh Willingham or Ryan Ludwick. So instead of getting filet mignon Wren is going to settle for a McDonalds burger. Look I'm not necessarily trying to shit all over Willingham and Ludwick because they are good players. But they aren't players who are going to push the Braves over the top and win them a World Series in October.
If I had a preference I would take Willingham because I think he is the better player right now. Before this season in Oakland he was a high on base guy who has about 20 HR a season pop. This season his numbers are down because he hits in a pitchers park and he's an aging 32 years old. But honestly I don't want either of Willingham or Ludwick. They do nothing for me as a Braves fan.
If the Braves want to go big they need to be willing to deal one of their young arms in Mike Minor, Randall Delgado, or Arodys Vizcaino. Julio Teheran is untouchable and I don't blame Wren for making him that unless the Dodgers call and offer Matt Kemp. Then you can say bye-bye to Teheran and not think twice about it. But that isn't going to happen. If I'm Wren I call the Orioles and ask about Adam Jones. I call the Dbacks and ask about Justin Upton. I call the Rays and ask about BJ Upton. If it takes trading one or even two of Minor, Delgado or Vizcaino to get a young, gold glove ability right handed hitter with pop then I make the deal. The Braves have a ton of young pitching and with the way they scout and develop they will continue to stockpile arms. The problem is they don't have any young hitters in their minor league system who will make an impact the next 2-3 seasons.
Wren is known to keep things close to the vest and not reveal much if anything to the media. I have no problem with that. But don't tell me in September that your team is much better after adding a Rick Ankiel-type or a Derrek Lee-type when you could have gone big. It's about winning the World Series and not just making the playoffs.
UPDATED: The Braves are "hot" for Carlos Quentin and the White Sox want one of the Braves young arms according to Ken Rosenthal. Quentin would be a huge improvement over what the Braves already have in left field but they would still be missing a centerfielder. Quentin is salary arbitration eligible next year and a free agent in 2013.
Lay Lady, Lay. Yeah I don't think the Redskins are going to miss Albert Haynesworth. Now watch him go to the New England Patriots and turn out a Pro Bowl season next to Vince Wilfork. That fat drunk fuck will probably dominate for Bill Belichick.
Honestly I haven't thought much of Haynesworth since he left the Titans. The guy I think who will make a huge impact next season is Osi Umenyiora. He's going to hold out of Giants camp and the cash-strapped Giants won't have enough money to resign him and stay under the cap. Umenyiora had 11.5 sacks and 10 forced fumbles last season. He would look great in an Atlanta Falcons uniform. With that being said he will probably wind up with the Jets. It just seems like the Jets are going to get every defensive stud available.
Serious question for anyone that can grow a beard: Does facial hair help with the ladies?
Because I'm 32 years old and I still can't grow one.
I've got the Civil War thing going on. Full hair on the left but thin as shit on the right side of my face. I ask this because future #1 NFL Draft Pick and current Stanford QB as well as the clear cut leader for the Heisman Trophy grew out the beard this summer. I would think it would diminish your ability to score ass if you look like a nerdy hillbilly with pubs glued to your face.
Just a heads up Andrew Luck since I know you read SportsCrack. Cut it man. Cut it all off.
Via TheBigLead
It sounds like North Carolina head coach Butch Davis might be looking for a job pretty soon. According to InsideCarolina.com an "UNC official would not confirm or deny whether Butch Davis has been fired today." If Butch's job is safe in Chapel Hill then it would seem someone within the Tar Heels football program would come out and defend him. So far it has not happened.
Davis and the Tar Heels program have been under a microscope since last year's ACC Kickoff when several reports surfaced about potential NCAA infractions with some of their football players involved. Players like Marvin Austin, Greg Little, and Robert Quinn were suspended for the 2011 season when word got out they had received impermissible academic assistance as well as extra benefits in airfare and parties attended. Also records revealed 395 parking citations for 11 football players totaling more than $13,000 in fines. The UNC football program is the next in line for the NCAA's Committee of Infractions in Indianapolis to rule on what punishment the football program will receive.
If UNC jumped the gun and fired Davis today then it probably means the Tar Heels will receive a punishment similar to what Ohio State received. Which is basically nothing besides losing your head coach. Davis has compiled a 28-23 record with a 1-2 bowl record at North Carolina.
UPDATED at 5:40 PM EST: Davis has been told in meetings with chancellor and athletic director that the process of termination has begun according to Joe Schad at ESPN.com
So now the question is who will be the next head coach at North Carolina? Does anybody really care?
For months the speculation surrounding the nation's top QB prospect in Gunner Kiel revolved around whether he would go to one of either Alabama, Illinois or Oklahoma. But today the 6'4 220 lb QB with the big arm from Columbus, IN decided to stay in-state and pick the Indiana Hoosiers.
The biggest factor was Indiana's new head coach Kevin Wilson, who was recently Oklahoma's offensive coordinator, formed a great bond with Kiel and persuaded Kiel to come to Bloomington so he could play with his older brother Dusty.
Kiel of course will be given an immediate chance to start in 2012. It's still 6 months to signing day but this has the same feel of Tim Couch or Brian Brohm deciding to stay in-state back in the day. Congratulations to the Hoosiers. Now they can get 45,000 people to attend instead of the usual 35,000.
Via LostLettermen
The San Francisco Giants have agreed to deal top pitching prospect Zach Wheeler plus cash to the New York Mets for Carlos Beltran according to Joel Sherman. The deal is finalized it's just needs Beltran's approval because of his 10 and 5 rights to refuse a trade. The chances of him refusing a trade to the defending champions Giants is about 0%.
This is a huge move for the Giants. They need hitting and Beltran will fit in perfectly in San Francisco. Beltran can be their #2 or #3 hitter and is a proven playoff hitter once the Giants get there.
For the Mets this trade makes a lot of sense too. They get a young arm in Wheeler who they can develop as a starter who should eventually make the big league club in 2012. They were going to lose Beltran to free agency and to acquire a live arm with Wheeler's makeup and get some cash is a win-win for the Mets.
The trade deadline is 4 days away and yet nothing worth mentioning has happened until today. Earlier today the White Sox traded starter Edwin Jackson (very underrated starter IMO) and 3b Mark Teahan (salary dump) to Toronto for reliever Jason Frasor and prospect SP/RP Zach Stewart according to Ken Rosenthal. It looks like the White Sox are in full force dump salary mode as they have also put starters John Danks and Gavin Floyd (hello Orioles make a call and bring the hometown boy back) on the trade market.
Now Toronto is sending Jackson to St. Louis for young centerfielder Colby Rasmus according to Rosenthal. Rasmus is an excellent prospect with 5 tool talent but he doesn't get along with the Cardinals organization and more importantly Tony Larussa. The Cardinals need pitching and will put Jon Jay in center to replace Rasmus. This will be the second malcontent on the Jays with Rasmus joining SS Yunel Escobar who was discarded by the Braves last year.
Initial reaction: The Cardinals got a starter they needed in Jackson but didn't get enough for Colby Rasmus. Rasmus still has the ability to turn into a superstar and maybe a change of country will do him good.
Just fast forward to the 1:30 mark and enjoy some bowling. For some bizarre reason I enjoy this bowling more than the crap they put on ESPN at 4 AM. I'm not sure what it is. Feel free to comment why.
Thanks to Dave for the clip.
He looked out right? I've looked at every single replay possible and he still looked out by a long shot. I fell asleep last night in the 18th inning so I am not as outraged as I would have been if I saw it live but I kind of figured umpire Jerry Meals would blow a call to decide the game. I just thought it would have gone the other way in favor of the Pirates.
Meals was picking fights all night with the Braves. He threw out Nate McLouth for disagreeing with a called 2nd strike in the 9th. He then tossed manager Fredi Gonzalez for coming out of the dugout to protect McLouth. They were both bullshit ejections in my opinion. Meals was trying to make a point that he is a jackass. Then in the 14th or15th shit I can't remember what inning it was he flipped out when Braves reliever Christian Martinez got mad at a ball call on an outside pitch. He came in front of catcher David Ross, pulled off his mask, and started yelling shit at Martinez while kicking homeplate. Completely unprofessional and enforcing his status as a jackass. So I guess it's no surprise he would botch such an easy call in the 19th inning and call the great Julio Lugo safe at home.
Pirates fans just got flashbacks of Sid Bream. But all is not lost for the Pirates. At least people are talking about you. And that hasn't happened since 1992.
The Braves lost their MVP in Brian McCann to a strained oblique. He goes on the DL today and luckily the Braves have the best backup catcher in the Show in Ross. But the Braves were already struggling to score runs with McCann in the lineup. They need to add a righthanded bat. They needed to add it about 2 months ago. The outfield trio of Nate McLouth, Jordan Schafer, and Jason Heyward has been atrocious in terms of offensive production. It's time to go out and get either a Hunter Pence, Adam Jones, Matt Kemp, or a Carlos Beltran if the Braves are serious about winning a World Series this year. It's not just about making the playoffs Frank Wren. It's about winning the whole fucking thing.
Covers.com has the hot, fresh out of the oven, NFL win totals for the 2011 season from the MGM Mirage Sportsbook. It's interesting that it would come out now considering the massive amount of turnover in player personnel which is about to happen in the next week or so. But fuck it right? I want to gamble on football and it's my right to do whatever the hell I want to do with my dirty whore money.
Here are the odds courtesy of the MGM Mirage via Covers.com:
NFC
South
New Orleans Saints 10 (Over +105, Under -125)
Atlanta Falcons 10.5 (Over -105, Under -115)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 8.5
Carolina Panthers 4.5
North
Green Bay Packers 11.5
Chicago Bears 9.5
Detroit Lions 7.5 (Over flat, Under -120)
Minnesota Vikings6.5 (Over -120, Under flat)
East
New York Giants 9.5 (Over -105, Under -115)
Dallas Cowboys 9 (Over flat, Under -120)
Philadelphia Eagles 10 (Over -120, Under flat)
Washington Redskins 6.5 (Over -120, Under flat)
West
Seattle Seahawks 7 (Over flat, Under -120)
St. Louis Rams 7 (Over -120, Under flat)
San Francisco 49ers 8 (Over -120, Under flat)
Arizona Cardinals 6 (Over -120, Under flat)
AFC
South
Indianapolis Colts 10 (Over flat, Under -120)
Houston Texans 8 (Over -115, Under -105)
Jacksonville Jaguars 6
Tennessee Titans 6.5 (Over -115, Under -105)
North
Pittsburgh Steelers 11 (Over flat, Under -120)
Baltimore Ravens 11
Cleveland Browns 6.5
Cincinnati Bengals 7.5 (Over -120, Under flat)
East
New York Jets 10 (Over flat, Under -120)
New England Patriots 11.5 (Over flat, Under -120)
Buffalo Bills 5 (Over -130, Under +110)
Miami Dolphins 8 (Over -105, Under -115)
West
Denver Broncos 6 (Over flat, Under -120)
San Diego Chargers 10
Oakland Raiders 7
Kansas City Chiefs 8 (Over flat, Under -120)
Right now I think I would take the OVER on Tampa Bay (8.5) because I think the Bucanneers defense is going to be much improved and Josh Freeman is a future star QB who will have a huge 2011 season. I see Tampa Bay getting 10-11 wins this season despite playing in the NFC South with the Saints and Falcons.
Also I think you gotta like the direction the Detroit Lions are headed. With a healthy Matthew Stafford and a defense led by dynamic tackles Suh and Fairley I don't see enough reasons why they can't have at least a .500 season. 8-10 wins seems doable for the young Lions.
The Jets will win more than 10 games. They won 11 last year despite having a giant target on their back because of Hard Knocks. Mark Sanchez is entering his 3rd season. Their defense is too good and despite having to replace some key free agents I think Rex Ryan has them in the playoffs with a possible division title at 11-13 wins.
The 3 UNDERS I would take are the 49ers (8), Titans (6.5), and the Bengals (7.5). All 3 of these franchises are on a downward spiral.
The 49ers have a new coach in Jim Harbaugh and play in a horrible division but who the hell is going to be their QB? Matt Hasselbeck? Alex Smith? The Seahawks, Rams, and the Cardinals (if they get Kevin Kolb) are all better on paper than San Francisco. It's way too much to ask them to finish .500 or better.
The Titans only won 6 games last year. They have a completely new coaching staff. They also will have Jake Locker behind center. Let that soak in for a bit. JAKE LOCKER. The Titans are going to be awful in 2011. They will be lucky to win 4 games let alone 7.
The Bengals are a fucking mess of an organization. Shitty ownership who won't trade Carson Palmer like he requested. They got old players at key positions. And they play in the same division as the Steelers and Ravens. Shit the Browns are better than the Bengals now. There is absolutely no way they win 8 games this year despite getting one of the easier out of division schedules in the league.
Fantasy football geeks can breathe a sigh of relief now that the NFL Lockout has officially ended. Today marks the first day of NFL free agency. It's suppose to be mass hysteria as teams scramble to fill needs while staying under the salary cap. Top players such as Nnamdi Asomugha, Sidney Rice, DeAngelo Williams, Mathias Kiwanuka, and Charles Johnson will be playing for new clubs and report to camp just one day or the same day they sign a contract. It's going to be crazy and already the Baltimore Ravens have released veterans such as Todd Heap, Willis McGahee, and Derrick Mason just to create salary cap room. The first preseason game is less than two weeks away and yet 25% of team's rosters are totally up in the air. Will Reggie Bush still be a Saint? Will the Falcons get a pass rusher they so desperately need? Is Peyton Manning going to be ready for the start of the season? Who is the next Pittsburgh Steeler to get arrested?
Too many questions to be answered and the great part is we should find out by the end of the week where every team stands in player personnel. The NFL is back! Murders and DUI's will be avoided.
If you were to ask me what two things do you enjoy about the fall season the automatic replies would be college football and Vegas. Both are essential once the hot summer has gone and you can no longer feel the sweat dripping off your taint. Now when you combine college football with Vegas odds on win totals you get me really excited. Yesterday The Hilton posted win totals for 35 college football teams that have national interest. The max bet you can make it $1,000 and as far as I have looked it's the only sportsbook taking bets for 2011 college football win totals.
Let's take a look at some via Covers.com.
Alabama 10 -120-Over. Bama won 10 games last season and it was considered a huge disappointment. This year I expect Bama to be more hungry and ready to prove 2010 was a fluke. I would bet $1000 on Bama without even thinking twice because the only team I think can beat them is LSU.
Oklahoma 10 -Over. The Sooners are loaded and Texas is still down. Unless Landry Jones gets injured I can't see the Sooners winning at least 12 games this year.
Boise St. 10.5 –120-Over. The Broncos aren't going to lose a game this season. They will beat Georgia and TCU.
LSU 9.5 -160-Over. LSU lost two close games last season and were oh so close to an undefeated season. This year offensively they will be much better and I think they got a 12 win season in them.
Stanford 9 -150-Push. Even with Andrew Luck and an athletic defense back the Cardinal would have to have a lot of things go right in order to reach 10 wins. I think 9-3 is a realistic season for Stanford.
S. Carolina 9 -150-Under. I still can't get the bad taste out of my mouth the way South Carolina finished the season with blowout losses to Auburn and FSU. Plus I think Stephen Garcia gets caught shitfaced again hopped up on painkillers.
Arkansas 8.5-Over. Knile Davis will get them 9 wins. Barely.
Texas A&M 8.5 -120-Over. The Aggies will have a much better defense this season under Tim DeRuyter. I think the Aggies could win 10 games easily.
Georgia 8.5 -160-Under. I'm not convinced Georgia is any better then last season when they only won 6 games. Aaron Murray could have a sophomore slump and he no longer has A.J. Green or Kris Durham to throw to and they lost their top 2 tailbacks. It could be another long season in Athens.
Oklahoma State 8.5-Over. They won 11 games last season and most of their key guys are back. But for some reason this has to be a trap number. Just a feeling.
Nebraska 9.5 -140-Over. The Huskers could win the Big Ten. No reason to think they can't win 10 games especially with their schedule.
Florida State 9.5 -130-Over. I see 9 definite wins on their schedule so all they have to do is win one of the Oklahoma, Florida, and Miami games.
Virginia Tech 10-Push. Despite their easy schedule I'm not convince the Hokies are going to be any better than they were last season.
Wisconsin 9.5 -120-Over. They got two badass runningbacks in Montee Ball and James White plus Russell Wilson at the QB position should be huge.
Arizona St. 8 -120-Under. Vontaze Burfict is a monster but I'm not convinced the Sun Devils are anything more than a middle road Pac-12 team.
West Virginia 9.5 -140-Over. The Mountaineers are a dark horse National Title contender in a weak conference.
Florida 7.5 -130-Under. I just got this feeling Florida is going to be terrible this season.
USC 7.5 -130-Over. Matt Barkley is too good of a QB to not win 8 games for the Trojans. But then again Lane Kiffin and his dad Monte have totally changed their defense. It used to be good now it looks like shit.
Notre Dame 8.5 -130-Over. The Fighting Irish have a ton of experience and depth back and should win at least 9 games this season. Their defense led by Manti Te'o should be one of the nation's best too.
Texas 8-Push. They have talent but the coaching staff has been completely overhauled and they turn over the ball way too much. 8 wins seems just about right.
Miss State 7.5 -130-Under. The SEC West is the toughest division in all of college football. The Bulldogs will take a step back this season.
Miami 8 -120-Under. I think Al Golden is the right coach for the Hurricanes and will get them back to playing respectable but it's going to be a tough first season.
Oregon St. 6.5 -130-Under. They lost two great college players in Jacquizz Rodgers and Stephen Paea and are coming off a 5 win season. Yeah I don't see them doing much.
TCU 9 -130-Push. You can't help but root for the Horned Frogs who continue to win despite all the naysayers but they lost a lot of players from last season. I could see them winning 10 games this year with a pretty easy schedule but I could see them losing to Air Force, BYU, and Boise State.
BYU 8.5 -150-Under. The September schedule is too brutal and with a slow start the Cougars could have a losing season.
Missouri 7.5 -120-Over. Gary Pinkel runs a good program in Columbia and they have won at least 10 games in 3 of the previous 4 seasons. I think 9 wins is realistic.
Michigan State 7.5 -120-Over. This seems way too low for the Spartans. Who's coffee did they piss in at the Hilton to get this win total?
Auburn 6 -155-Over. Has a defending national champion ever had a losing season following? Seriously I can't ever remember one and even without Cam and Nick Fairley the Tigers should be able to win 7 games.
Tennessee 6.5 -120-Under. I can't really look at this objectively because I've always hated Tennessee. I hate their colors. I hate their fucking terrible fight song. And I hate some of their stupid inbred fans who think Tennessee football is relevant to anybody outside of their shitty state.
Penn St 7.5 -155-Under. They are 7 win team max. This has to be JoePa's last season.
North Carolina 8 -130-Push. They seem like a 7 to 8 win team. It's kinda baffling that they have a higher win total over Michigan State, Auburn, and Penn State.
Michigan 7 -130-Push. It will be interesting to see what new head coach Brady Hoke does with Denard Robinson. He was dynamic in Rich Rod's offense but now they are scrapping it and going more pro-style. As much as I don't like Michigan though I can see them winning 8 games this year.
Utah 7.5 -120-Under. Their defense just isn't good enough to win 8 games in their first season in the Pac-12.
Nevada 8 -125-Under. Losing Colin Kaepernick and brutal road games at Oregon, Texas Tech, and Boise State will be too tough for the Wolfpack to come anywhere close to the 13 wins they posted last year.
UNLV 2.5 -130-Over. They were god awful last year and still won 2 games. I think they can get to 3 this season under 2nd year head coach Bob Hauck.
Oregon and Ohio State were not listed because of "too much uncertainty." Since I'm a betting man I would think the Ducks would be at 10 wins and Ohio State would be 9.5. Right now if I had to take 3 locks to cover their win totals it would be Bama, Notre Dame, and Michigan State.
