John Clayton Unleashes Pony Tail Hell

I fucking knew it! ESPN's John Clayton is a Slayer fan. So obvious.

Via The Big Lead

That Will Leave A Mark: Brandon McCarthy Takes A Line Drive To His Melon

Line drive to the back of the head coming at you at about 110 mph. No big deal. Baseball players are tough. If this was a soccer player they would have already had his eulogy printed out on the mound. A's pitcher Brandon McCarthy will be fine. If he wants to take off the rest of the season he should probably do that considering the A's are tied with my Orioles for the Wild Card. It would be best for his health and my heart.

Via TheBigLead

Good Lord Look At Chad Jones Leg

I guess I should have warned you about some of the pictures of former LSU free safety Chad Jones leg after he got into a severe car accident. Shit looked like an italian sausage bursting out of the casing on a hot grill. Forget about eating lunch today. I think we all got a new athlete to root for this fall to get better and make his dream come true of playing in the NFL.

Andy Roddick Retired And Nobody Gives A Shit So Why Not Look At His Wife

So America's only worthless male tennis player from the past decade retired yesterday after losing in the US Open. Some guy named Andy Roddick. You may have heard of him because he is married to actress/swimsuit model/fledging boner producer Brooklyn Decker. In honor of Roddick's career I felt it necessary to stare at his wife a little longer today. Brooklyn would want that. I smell divorce in 3, 2, 1....

On a side note I watched "Battleship" on my way to Ireland last week. The movie was typical summer garbage with no plot and a bunch of shit blowing up but they could have saved the whole thing with more Liam Neeson kicking ass and more Brooklyn running around in a wet t-shirt. Come on Hollywood. Get your shit together!

Bryce Harper is Heating Up, Crushes Two Long Balls

The Washington Nationals are the best team in baseball. Seriously. Look at their record. 84 wins. 52 losses. And finally their best player is heating up as teenage phenom Bryce Harper went deep twice last night vs the hapless Cubs. His two bombs gave him 17 for the season, moving him past Ken Griffey Jr. and now only trails Mel Ott (18) and Tony Conigliaro (24) for most homers in a single season by a teenager. The Nats don't need Harper to perform Superman feats to make the playoffs but if they are going to win the whole thing this October they expect Harper to be their Babe Ruth.

After watching his two laser beam shots last night it wouldn't surprise me if Harper goes above and beyond and carries the Nats on his back the last month. He's that good and he's not clowning around.

Tonight's NFL Lock: Giants -4

The Cowgirls are all show and no substance with a drunk of an owner. The Giants are the defending Super Bowl Champions with their whole roster pretty much intact from last season. Jason Pierre-Paul and Justin Tuck will make Tony Romo nervous all night with a relentless pass rush. Eli Manning is a better big game QB than Romo and with the big lights on him tonight expect Peyton's little brother to shine.

Giants cover the -4 by winning 28-17.

Kris Medlen Twitted His Excitement

Wow what an incredible day! So honored to be the NL pitcher of the month! But finding out my unborn child has a wiener was the best part!

— Kris Medlen (@KrisMedlen54) September 4, 2012

I got a new favorite pitcher and his name is Kris Medlen. Not only is he undefeated in his last 17 decisions he's started (A Braves record) but the ultimate teammate who has languished in the bullpen after recovering from Tommy John surgery has a great sense of humor. Yes you won NL pitcher of the month but the most important thing is your kid has a "wiener."

By the way it's September 5th, 2012 and the Baltimore Orioles are tied for 1st place with the $200 million New York Yankees. Am I dreaming? Don't answer that because I don't want to wake up.

Trick Shot Monday: Purdue Weekend

Hey lookie lookie suspended tailback Cierre Wood makes an appearance. All kidding aside you can tell this Notre Dame squad gets along pretty good. If they can get this pysched up for trick shot Monday I can only imagine how amped they are going to be this Saturday when they run out of the tunnel at home for the first time against Purdue. Right now Notre Dame is a 14 point favorite at home following an easy cover of 14.5 last week vs Navy. I don't bet on the Irish but if I did I would heavily favor them covering against Purdue. Last year they won by 28 in West Lafayette with a suspect QB. This year they have Everett Golson and a much better squad. You do the math.

My New Favorite Beer Commercial

I've never had Carlton Draught but after seeing this epic commercial there is little doubt it will be wetting my palate this week. Plus I've had so many Guinness Draughts the past 5 days in Dublin that my stool looks like that black tar baby shit you get from newborns. The 80's montage music is the tits by the way.

We Are Off To Ireland

Ruh roh. Forget about Hurricane Isaac. Hurricane SportsCrack is about to invade Ireland. It's going to get ugly no doubt. No one will be spared.

I'm about to board a flight with my Dad to the Motherland. Many of pints will be consumed. Golf clubs will be swung..badly. And of course we will be watching the "Fighting Irish" of Notre Dame destroy the Naval Academy on Saturday.

There will be no shipping of our kick ass SportsCrack shirts between August 29th-September 2nd. So please don't email me, call me, or ask me where your shirt is. I'm on vacation bitches! And the only thing I'm worried about is my liver surviving on "MY ISLAND." When I get back everything will be back to normal...translation I will be back and drinking on the job as usual.

Peace and Go Irish!

4 DAYS

You feel that tingle deep down in your nutsack? Yeah, that's college football coming. It's about to hit you as hard as a LeGarrette Blount sucker punch.

Sports Anchor Rebecca Hall Tells Vin Scully To Get His Shit Together

I tell you kids these days have no respect. Los Angeles Dodgers announcer Vin Scully is a living legend. And yet this little hussy challenges him to "get his shit together." Obviously his shit is in his diaper. Seriously where is the respect?

Everett Golson Named Notre Dame Starting Quarterback...Finally

What has been rumored for months across messageboards and coffee shops (bad example, most people in Starbucks aren't football fans) will finally come to fruition tonight: head coach Brian Kelly will name redshirt freshman Everett Golson the starting quarterback.

Exhale and breath ND Nation. No need to worry about Dayne Crist (transfer), Tommy Rees (suspended), Andrew Hendrix (too erratic), or Gunner Kiel (too young) taking that first snap in Dublin in 10 days and fucking up the season with another costly turnover. It's Golson time!

As you probably know I've been on the Golson bandwagon ever since he picked Notre Dame. Golson isn't the tallest (6'0) or the biggest (185 lbs) but he has that certain "IT" when it comes to college quarterback winner. You can just look at his play and say "HOLY SHIT THIS KID CAN BALL OUT!" He won state titles in football (2 of them) and basketball while in high school. The kid is a flat out winner and knows how to put in the work to be the starter and the leader of a young Fighting Irish team facing the nation's most difficult schedule.

Notre Dame people want to compare him to 1988 National Championship QB Tony Rice because they are both black and from the state of South Carolina. But if I were to compare Golson to somebody it would be a Drew Brees or a Joe Hamilton. Relatively short guy with incredible pocket presence who is accurate and can tuck the ball and run when need be but is looking to pass first. This describes Golson and Notre Dame fans should be jumping for the moon because the limits are endless with Everett behind center.

The Golden Boy has finally arrived. But I call him the Golson One.

Oregon Revealed Their 2012 New Uniforms and We Have Their Liquidmetal Helmets For Sale

Yesterday Nike and Oregon revealed their new 2012 uniforms with a catchy but not really slogan "Oregon is faster." While tame compared to past uniforms Oregon has brought back the very cool looking Liquidmetal helmets they wore in the Rose Bowl. It looks like something the Terminator would wear if he wasn't pile driving Mexican housemaids.

The good news is we have 2 of them for sale. The bad news is they aren't cheap. $980 isn't pocket change by any means but this helmet will get you laid more often than those shitty new Lebron shoes.

Rangers Pitchers Derek Holland and Ryan Dempster Do A Good Harry Caray Impression

Via HotClicks

Michigan Football: Male or Female? You Be The Judge

Michigan getting a #1 vote in the AP Poll is almost as confusing as this picture of Jake Ryan. I seriously thought this picture was a girl. I still think it might. But according to MGoBlue she...I mean he...will be the starting linebacker for the Michigan Wolverines this fall. And people wonder why Augusta National let in the women. Michigan was clearly the first domino to fall.

Image via Ryan Wykle

Junior Seau Committed Suicide Because of a Sleep Aide?

Months ago the tragic suicide death of former All-Pro linebacker Junior Seau was put on the pedestal of why the NFL needs to be held accountable for concussions and their health consequences. The media was quick to point out Seau's multiple concussions and it's probable cause of his suicide.

Fast forward to today when the Medical Examiner in San Diego issued Seau's toxicology report which revealed trace amounts of zolpidem, commonly known as Ambien, a drug used to treat insomnia, which has been linked to side effects of depression and suicidal thoughts.

Those close to Seau also said he had trouble sleeping for years and did not always take the sleep aids as directed. Nancy Emsley, who often worked out with Seau at a local gym, said she lectured Seau that he needed to sleep for eight hours after taking one. “He just rolled his eyes,” she said.

Well maybe the concussions led to Seau's insomnia but I think it is prudent to point out that Ambien was the most likely cause of Seau's decision to take his life. And the scary part is he probably thought it was the hits in the NFL he took that were giving him those crazy thoughts running through his head and not the little pill he popped because Seau had a hard time falling asleep.

In short don't always believe what you hear and pills are not the answer.

Sincerely,

Your Dad

What Hurts Worse? This Hit on Michael Vick's Ribs or...

...a dog getting electrocuted? I don't know about you but I think a bunch of dogs getting electrocuted probably hurts worse than a hit to the ribs. But yeah Michael Vick is a guy to root for.

Don't worry Philly or Vick fans. He will be fine. Just some bruised ribs. He's got a whole season left to let you down.

Danica Patrick Has a Potty Mouth

Typical woman driver. Blaming everyone else for their fuck up. Get back in the kitchen Danica.

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