GREG PAULUS DREAM

March Madness is just around the corner bitches. Notre Dame and Maryland have been blowing ass all season so there is little chance I will be rooting for any other team besides the ones I bet on come tourney time. There is one thing for sure though. I will be rooting for Duke's opponent. Only because I hate them and their flopping homo players like Greg Paulus.

You remember Paulus as the former McDonald's All-American who passed up football to lick Coach K's mangina in Cameron Indoors. Actually you might not remember him because he never plays besides garbage time these days. Here is a good spoof of Greg Loose Anus Paulus by some Tarholes fans...


Video HT: Barstool Sports

A SHORT LOVE STORY

I know. First the gay soccer highlight and now a love story? "He must have gone two weeks in search of the perfect buttdart" is probably what you are thinking. But this is a good love story to tell your significant other tonight. Or to tell your buddies. Or your parole officer. Or mistress. I'm not judging you bastards, why judge me....

A Short Love Story

A man and a woman who had never met before,
but who were both married to other people,
found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,.......... 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.'

'I have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for tonight,...... let's pretend that we're married.'

'Wow!...................... That's a great idea!', he exclaimed.

'Good,' she replied. ............'Get your own damn blanket..'


After a moment of silence, .....................he farted.

The End

Joke HT: Joe

FANCY SOCCER GOAL FROM A GUY NAMED MASCARA

It's not too often you will see a soccer post on here. The guy with the kick has a last name of Mascara so it fits the feminine side of soccer well. Almost half field when he launches the kick, the balls goes over 45 yards at an improbable angle to barely nestle in the back of the goal past the goalie's outstretched fingers. Hell of a kick I must say. Hell of a kick.

Video HT: FanIQ

QUICK THOUGHTS ON NFL FREE AGENCY

DeAngelo will continue to kiss TO's shoes in Washington.

The batshit crazy NFL free agency season launched last week and so far we have seen a ton of movement. Here are some quick thoughts on the moves so far with little research on my part. Would you expect more? I didn't think so.

ARIZONA CARDINALS-Signed Keith Lewis, S. Re-signed Ben Graham, P, and Brian St. Pierre, QB. All 3 of these signings don't mean shit. None of them are difference makers unless some how the Cardinals totally fuck up resigning Kurt Warner. Warner is looking at the 49ers and I guess the Cardinals look at St. Pierre as a possible back up to Leinart if he is starting next year. Leinart=no playoffs
ATLANTA FALCONS-Re-signed Michael Koenen p/k (f). The Falcons have lost starters Brooking, Milloy, and Foxworth so far on defense. Losing Brooking is no big deal. The guy has lost two steps and is just a pile jumper at this point of his career. Good guy, bad player. Milloy and Foxworth are both big losses in the secondary in my opinion. It looks like GM Thomas Dimitroff will address these losses through the draft or they could go after Atlanta native Jermaine Phillips from the Tampa Bay Bucs.
BALTIMORE RAVENS-Signed Domonique Foxworth, CB. Decent signing here by the Ravens. They bring a local boy back home to replace Chris McAlister. It looks like they will resign Ray Lewis now. Good for them.
BUFFALO BILLS-Signed Ryan Fitzpatrick, QB; and Geoff Hangartner, OL. I seriously have no fucking clue who these two guys are and have no reason to research it.
CAROLINA PANTHERS-Re-signed Jordan Gross, OT. Gross is one of the best offensive tackles in the game and deserved the money. His 6 year deal should keep him in Carolina black and blue for the rest of his career.
CHICAGO BEARS-Signed Frank Omiyale, OL. The Bears are hoping to catch magic with this signing of Jordan Gross's backup in Carolina. The Bears are idiots by the way. Are they ever going to address their total lack of talent at QB?
CINCINNATI BENGALS-Re-signed Darryl Blackstock, LB; Chris Crocker, S, and DeDe Dorsey, WR. The reason they are called the Bungles is because of signings like this and let T.J. who's your mama leave.
DALLAS COWBOYS-Signed Keith Brooking, LB. Have fun playing in the circus Brooking. Like I mentioned earlier, Brooking is a great guy but a bad linebacker at this point in his career.
DENVER BRONCOS-Signed Correll Buckhalter, RB; Andra Davis, LB; Brian Dawkins, S; Jabar Gaffney, WR; Andre' Goodman, CB; Renaldo Hill, S; Lonie Paxton, FS; and Darrell Reid, DT. Agreed to terms with J.J. Arrington, RB. The Broncos are clearly the most active so far in free agency. Dawkins is a great signing and should bring leadership to a bad Broncos defense. Arrington and Buckhalter should compete for carries. The question is will they trade Jay Cutler? Cutler seems to be a whiny bitch with some hurt feelings at this point complaining about stuff he has no business addressing. They should just trade him to Cleveland for Brady Quinn.
DETROIT LIONS-Signed Bryant Johnson, WR; Eric King, CB; and Maurice Morris, RB. Re-signed Jason Hanson, K; and Stephen Peterman, G. The only perfect team in the NFL last year continues to make head scratching moves. Make that ball scratching.
HOUSTON TEXANS-Signed Antonio Smith, DE; and Dan Orlovsky, QB. Re-signed Chris White, C; and Eugene Wilson, S. They way overpaid for Smith who rode a good playoff performance into an enormous contract.
INDIANAPOLIS COLTS-Re-signed Kelvin Hayden, CB; and Jeff Saturday, C. Saturday is a great player but losing Marvin Harrison will hurt. I don't care what people say, Harrison can still play.
JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS-Signed Sean Considine, S. Re-signed Brad Meester, C; and Scott Starks, CB.-For some reason I have always hated the Jaguars. Not sure why other than I hate their uniforms and their games always seem to be boring.
MIAMI DOLPHINS-Signed Joe Berger, G; Re-signed Vernon Carey, OT; Yeremiah Bell, S; and Channing Crowder, LB. Good to see Carey get the money he deserved. Their two offensive tackles are now making more money than GM loses in a day.
MINNESOTA VIKINGS-Re-signed Jim Kleinsasser, TE. Sounds like a German dish.
NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS-Signed and Chris Baker, TE; and Fred Taylor, RB. Re-signed Matt Cassel, QB (f), and traded him to Kansas City; re-signed Russ Hochstein, OL. Not sure what to make of the Cassel trade. Personally I think Cassel is overrated but it sounded like the Patriots could have gotten more than a 2nd rounder for him. The Pat's know what they are doing so I will differ my judgement till after the draft. Taylor should be a good 3rd down back.
NEW ORLEANS SAINTS-Re-signed Jon Stinchcomb, T; and Jonathan Vilma, LB. Both needed to be resigned at premium positions. I wonder what Brees mole got?
NEW YORK GIANTS-Signed Rocky Bernard, DT; Michael Boley, LB; and Chris Canty, DE. Re-signed Brandon Jacobs, RB (f); and David Carr, QB. The Giants are addressing their needs on defense with Bernard, Boley, and Canty. But they need to find a replacement for Plax and I guess the draft will remedy it.
NEW YORK JETS-Signed Bart Scott, LB. Re-signed Brandon Moore, G. Agreed to terms with Tony Richardson, FB. Bart Scott decided to follow Rex Ryan to NY and I can't blame him especially with the money he got. Should be interesting to see how good he is when not playing next to Terrell Suggs and Ray Lewis.
OAKLAND RAIDERS-Re-signed Nnamdi Asomugha, DB; and Shane Lechler, P. 3 years at $45.3 million for Asomugha? Just die already Al Davis.
PHILADELPHIA EAGLES-Signed Stacy Andrews, OT. Re-signed Joselio Hanson, CB. The Eagles have two first round draft picks and have seen Dawkins and Sheppard leave their secondary. Chances have gone up they will go secondary with at least one of the picks.
PITTSBURGH STEELERS-Re-signed Max Starks, T (f); and Chris Kemoeatu, G. Two guys resigned to help Big Ben stay upright. Makes sense.
ST. LOUIS RAMS-Signed Jason Brown, OL. Really good signing here by the Rams. Brown is a center who will help open up holes for Jackson.
SAN DIEGO CHARGERS-Re-signed Kynan Forney, G. So when are they going to trade Tomlinson and the playoff bench he sits on?
SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS-Signed Brandon Jones, WR. Re-signed Takeo Spikes, LB; Moran Norris, FB; and Allen Rossum, CB-KR. If the 49ers sign Kurt Warner then the offseason is a success.
SEATTLE SEAHAWKS-Agreed to terms with Colin Cole, DT, and T.J. Housyourmama, WR. Seahawks now have a deep play threat in T.J. who baldy should love throwing to in Seattle.
TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS-Re-signed Luke McCown, QB; and WR Michael Clayton. Screw the Succaneers.
TENNESSEE TITANS-Signed Nate Washington, WR; and Jovan Haye, DT.
Re-signed Rob Bironas, K; Justin McCareins, WR; Kerry Collins, QB; and Vincent Fuller, DB. Collins coming back means he will be the starter with Vince Young riding the pine.
WASHINGTON REDSKINS-Signed Derrick Dockery, G; and Albert Haynesworth, DT. Re-signed Ethan Albright, LS; and DeAngelo Hall, CB. The Deadskins continue to make all the offseason headlines but they overpaid for Haynesworth and most certainly are morons for giving DeAngelo anything over $2 million. DeAngelo can't cover shit. Good in zone. Terrible on man-on-man. And yet the Deadskins pay him top dollar to be a lockdown corner. Idiots. Haynesworth will get fat and stupid.

SORRY FOR THE LACK OF POSTS

I've been out of town now for over a week working with little access to no access to the computer. I've been keeping up with the sports world, such as Manny being a complete retard and turning down a ridiculous offer from the Dodgers. I promise to have more posts starting next Tuesday when I get back in town. I have a lot of players and organizations to slam starting with the Washington Redskins. It won't be pretty. DeAngelo Fucking Hall for $54 million. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

ALEXANDER OVECHKIN INCREDIBLE GOAL

Is there anything he can't do? This guy would make a great drug mule.

YOU BUYING THIS A-ROD BULLSHIT?

Call me cynical, ignorant, or just plain stupid but I'm not buying anything Alex Rodriguez is saying. I don't think he is sorry for what he did. He is just sorry that he got caught. His pause at the 5:30 mark in the video stinks of bad acting. He doesn't give a shit about his teammates. He never has. When was the last time you heard a teammate vouch for him?

The only thing A-Roids cares about is himself. Sure he acts like he cares about others but he really doesn't. This is why the guy slaps gloves in the playoffs and plays innocent. He is a cheater on and off the field. Listen, I could give two shits about his personal life and what he decides to do with it. Your infidelity to your wife should be private and doesn't concern your teammates or the public. But if you really care so much about the game and your teammates you wouldn't put them in this situation in the first place by cheating with steroids.

I'm also not buying his claim he stopped using performance enhancing drugs once he reached New York. Who you trying to fool? Yourself or the public? He admits he couldn't handle the pressure in Texas with the huge contract. He confides he felt a need for a boost to prove to others he deserved the contract. So he started using illegal shit. But now that he is playing on the biggest stage with the most attention for the New York Yankees he suddenly stops? Sounds perfectly logical to me.

The one good thing about Rodriguez is that he has admitted to his mistake. Unlike Mark McGwire, Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa, Rafael Palmeiro and numerous others who continue to hold on to their obvious lies of never using stuff while playing. Rodriguez, despite all of his faults is one hell of a baseball player just like those other cheaters. But their numbers they put up don't mean jack. Hank Aaron is still the true homerun king and should be acknowledged for it. Bonds 7 MVP's and Clemens 7 Cy Young's have as much value as their rookie cards. It's a shame that these players among many others cheated the game that paid them so well. They cheated us, the fans. We bought the tickets and merchandise and all the other stuff that came with the fake numbers and entertainment. We believed they were playing the game the right way.

They all fooled us except maybe Bonds at first. He blew up during his mid to late 30's. They managed to make people including myself sick of the game I grew up loving. I still love the game but I don't have any sympathy for those who cheated the game and themselves. And for this the only plaque they deserve should be in the Hall of Shame.

KENNY POWERS IS MY NEW HERO

The new HBO series "Eastbound & Down" stars Danny McBride as pitcher Kenny Powers, a down and out one time superstar baseball pitcher. To say this show is funny would be an understatement. You really owe it to yourself to check it out. Here is the opening scene from Sunday's premiere...



Seeing Atlanta vs. Baltimore in the World Series is a joke in itself right now. The lines Powers spouts out throughout the show are of the good old boy nature that is pretty common down here in the South. He is essentially a funnier right handed version of John Rocker. Catch it on HBO, Sunday nights at 10:30 pm.

Video HT: MacGsWorld

ALEC BALDWIN PLAYING THE Wii

PITT TAKES DOWN UCONN

Dejuan Blair and the Pitt Panthers literally took down Hasheem Thabeet and the #1 ranked UCONN Huskies last night 76-68. Blair was nasty all night finishing with 22 points and 23 boards with a first half domination of Thabeet. The Big East is loaded with top ranked teams again this year and with Pitt's first ever win over a #1 team it could have two teams get 1 seeds in the tourney. I still think North Carolina is the best team in the country when they decide to play but Pitt is going to be tough if they can get past the sweet 16.

So if you had a vote for the best team in the country right now who would you pick? Pitt? UCONN? Oklahoma? North Carolina? March Madness is just around the corner people. Thank God!

Video HT: FanIQ

TOO MANY DICKS ON THE DANCE FLOOR

I always hated going to dance clubs during my single days. It was more or less getting dragged to some bullshit club called Vision or some other stupid dance club down in Midtown Atlanta. You always had to pay to get in the door unless you knew somebody which is bullshit and the booze was too expensive for this cheap bastard. Plus the clubs in Atlanta always had a Tokyo Drift kind of feel to them. Too much gel and Asian persuasion for my liking. Give me cold beer, Jager bombs, and a bar where I can actually go talk to girls without having to use a megaphone. Plus I'm white so I have absolutely zero dance skills. In other words I looked as retarded as Dane Cook performing "comedy."

Flight of the Conchords has a new hit song out called "Too Many Dicks on the Dance Floor" and I think this is the perfect tune for all those dance clubs that don't allow jeans, hats, or flip flops because this is usually what you find in those clubs...

THIS PICTURE REMINDS ME OF A CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM EPISODE

I think Kobe Bryant is trying to make a point about his wife Vanessa. She doesn't seem to be taking it so well. Literally and figuratively of course...



Image HT: YBF

NATE ROBINSON DUNKS OVER DWIGHT HOWARD

VINTAGE LETTERMAN LAST NIGHT WITH JOAQUIN PHOENIX

A)Phoenix is on drugs
B)Phoenix is acting
C)Phoenix has lost it
D)Phoenix and Letterman planned the interview/sketch

You decide. I think it's a combo of all four.

LETTERMAN'S TOP 10 PHONE MESSAGES LEFT FOR A-ROIDS

I thought the digs at Michael Phelps were pretty funny. The Jeter one not so much. We all know Jeter hit that old bag up his rookie season.



GET THE A-ROIDS SHIRT HERE.

BRETT FAVRE ANNOUNCES RETIREMENT, WANTS A-ROIDS HEADLINES

I could give two shits about Brett Favre and his retirement. This is what, his 4th time he has hinted or done it? It's clear to me that Favre was extremely jealous of the headlines Alex Rodriguez was receiving for his admission to steroid use this week. He wants to be on the front of the all the New York rags and ESPN the Ocho for the next 48 hours nonstop.

In other inevitable news two months from now Favre will announce his passion is back for football and he has agreed to play for the Chicago Bears where he will again lead the league in interceptions and ass kissing from Peter King.

If you don't recall last year we were bombarded with so much Favre BS on ESPN it even got to Hitler's last nerve...

ROBERTO ALOMAR HAS FULL BLOWN AIDS?

Future Hall of Famer Roberto Alomar is facing a lawsuit from an ex-girlfriend claiming he has AIDS and had unprotected sex with her while knowing according to the New York Daily News...

Baseball great Roberto Alomar has full-blown AIDS but insisted on having unprotected sex, his ex-girlfriend charged Tuesday in a bombshell lawsuit.
The shocking claim was leveled by Ilya Dall, 31, who said she lived with the ex-Met for three years and watched in horror as his health worsened.
In papers filed in state and federal court, Dall said Alomar finally got tested in January 2006 while suffering from a cough, fatigue and shingles.
"The test results of him being HIV-positive was given to him and the plaintiff on or about Feb.6, 2006," the $15 million negligence suit says.
Nine days later, the couple went to see a disease specialist who discovered a mass in the retired second baseman's chest, the court papers say.
Alomar's skin had turned purple, he was foaming at the mouth and a spinal tap "showed he had full-blown AIDS," the suit says.

The article goes on to claim that Robbie Alomar confided to his ex he was raped when he was 17 by two Mexican men in or near New Mexico. I really don't have anything else to say other than I hope all of this is not true. We will see. AIDS isn't funny at all. Unless your name is Magic Johnson.



UPDATE: The Smoking Gun has the full complaint filed in court.

TRACY MCGRADY BLOWS

Dude, I've seen blind 4 year olds make layups better than McGrady. I've never been a big fan of McGrady and this missed layup and foul will be my lasting memory of him because I don't ever watch the Houston Rockets. That and his tears after losing in the playoffs.

Video HT: FanIQ

2009 SI SWIMSUIT COVERGIRL IS BAR REFAELI

Leonardo Dicaprio's girlfriend is the 2009 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Cover Model. Bar Refaeli is from Israel and has a name that people call their dogs but is as far away from dog looking as possible. She isn't Elle MacPherson in my opinion but you can't blame Leonardo for snagging up this stick figure. Being a covergirl for the SI Swimsuit Issue doesn't carry as much weight as it did back in the 80's and early 90's but I guess there is still some prestige. It probably gets you better blow but who really knows. When I was a kid I enjoyed my mom's Victoria Secret's catalog a lot more. She could never figure out how her catalogs would just disappear and never come back. Sinner.

SCOTT VAN PELT GOT SUSPENDED FOR VOICING HIS OPINION ON BUD SELIG

ESPN's Scott Van Pelt was suspended for his radio show today because of what he said about Bud Selig and his $18.5 million dollar salary according to Deadspin.

I congratulate Van Pelt for voicing his opinion on Selig. I know Van Pelt (Maryland grad) works for a major corporation at ESPN and a lot of people think you shouldn't shit on somebody with as much power as Selig because his product brings in big bucks to the WWL but then what is the point of sports talk? He is hired to voice his opinion and I completely agree with him here. Selig has a house full of couches covered in plastic and it stinks. Selig is a PIMP who used to own the Milwaukee Brewers and somehow became the commissioner of a great game. He buried his head in the sand so to speak the whole time players used steroids and didn't budge against the player's union until the fucking government stepped in and Jose Canseco opened up his fat mouth. He still is too much of a pussy Nerd to step up and make the game better by balancing the competition on the field by instituting a salary cap.

And yet the guy gets paid $18.5 million to do what? Next thing you know he will be stepping down and recommending Peter Angelos for commissioner. I'm not even joking.