SportsCrack Blog

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

GREAT WAY TO TURN 21


Bradley's Chris Roberts hit this 3/4 court shot to beat Oakland in some bullshit tournament called the CIT. Hell of a bank shot. It's like getting the last E on Horse when you know it was all luck. I hope he got laid after this game. If not he should be pounding drinks once he turns 21. Ahh, to turn 21. Such a magical time. It seems like just yesterday I was passed out at TGI Friday's on my special occasion. I crapped out at 12 shots but had a good excuse. The day before was the Super Bowl and I was Super Hung Over from celebrating that night. It was the day Kurt Warner entered our lives along with his psychotic looking wife and led the Rams to a Super Bowl victory. Praise the Lord!

THE ECSTASY AND ANGST OF SPORTS

Yesterday we had the two extremes of human emotion displayed in the sports world. Ecstasy which is defined as an intense joy or delight, or otherwise known as Friday night raves in college, was on full display when Ichiro came through in the clutch last night in the tenth inning of the WBC Final. He delivered the two run single to help Japan repeat as World Baseball Classic Champs. Ichiro finished the game 4-for-6 with a celebration of the bubbly...


On the complete opposite side of ecstasy is angst. Defined as a feeling of anxiety or apprehension often accompanied by depression, we got to see the emotion on Lance Armstrong's face as he learned he had just broken his collarbone in Spain in a pileup. The broken collarbone is expected to heal in 4-6 weeks but could force Armstrong to quit his attempt to prepare for his return to the Tour De France...

Monday, March 23, 2009

COCK SHOT

I knew a guy in college who was infamous for giving these random cock shots. It used to piss me off so bad after I was done dry heaving...

Friday, March 20, 2009

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WHITE GUYS DUNK


Wyoming's Adam Waddell was as graceful as a dingleberry with this breakaway dunk.

HOCKEY IS SEXY


I think I might have to start rooting for the Florida Panthers. Their fans are a hell of a lot better to look at than Atlanta Thrashers fans. The censoring of this video sucks balls but whatever. They are still boobs.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

I GOT MONEY ON THE SHARK

CHIPPER JONES NOT A BIG FAN OF WBC OR TORONTO


Chipper Jones is back from the World Baseball Classic, you know, the series that nobody is attending or watching for that matter. He is suffering from a strained oblique muscle which cut short his 2nd experience in the WBC after going 0-for-10 with 6 strikeouts. Here is what he had to say to Braves beat writer Dave O'brien about the wonderful series up in Toronto...

“Just way too many days off,” he said. “We stayed in Toronto for a week and played three games. I don’t know if you ever stayed in Toronto, but it’s not exactly Las Vegas. To say that we were plucking our eyebrows out one at a time would be an understatement.


I guess the hookers and cocaine in Toronto just can't compare to what we have in Vegas. I hear what Chipper is saying. Canada is boring and the WBC doesn't mean shit. I tried watching the game last night between Venezuela and Puerto Rico in Miami and was pretty shocked to see how many empty seats there were. Granted the Cubans or Americans weren't playing in the game but still you would expect more people.

And on a related commercial note you can purchase an authentic Chipper Jones autograph baseball with James Spence Authentication at this link.
Something has to sell here to pay the bills. It most certainly isn't my writing.

HOUSE REPRESENTATIVE CORRINE BROWN "GRADULATES" PERCY HARVEY AND THE GATORS


And I thought my reading and grammar was bad. Holy shit! Florida Representative Corrine Brown personally butchered the English language in "gradulating" the Florida Gators on their "BS" Championship. How did this woman get elected? Her robe looks like something ThunderLips would wear.

Video HT: WithLeather via Spencer Hall

ST. PATRICK'S TRADITION: LEPRECHAUN IN MOBILE, ALABAMA


This news segment is over 3 years old now but it still makes my sides hurt. It would have been a disservice not to include it on Sportscrack today. So enjoy it and make sure you spread the good laughs to friends and family.

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!






Go to COED Magazine to see more Irish lassies celebrating.

Monday, March 16, 2009

ST. PATTY'S DAY JUST AROUND THE CORNER

St. Patty's Day is one of my favorite holidays of the year. In fact it is right up there with Kwanzaa. It is the one day of the year besides your parole hearing that you have a perfect excuse to get completely shitty drinking. Since St. Patrick's is on a Tuesday I figured it would be good to start the holiday this past Saturday. I'm doing my part to honor my Irish heritage. Are you? If you doubt my skills in drinking then take a look at this little video...

That clanking noise you hear is the sound of a million brain cells just magically disappearing. I love beer.

TEXAS LONGHORNS KICKER PULLING SOME SERIOUS TAIL



Busted Coverage has some great pictures of Texas Longhorn's kicker Hunter Lawrence's girlfriend Meagan. Looks like she could nurse Hunter's leg back to health any day of the week. I'm not talking about his kicking leg either. She is apparently in contention with Colt McCoy's girlfriend for hottest player's girlfriend on the team. Hopefully one day they can duke it out with a catfight in nothing but lingerie in jello. Ummmm...jello!

A NEW DRUG CALLED SUPPRESSEX


I believe the word Suppressex is latin for marriage. I will have to verify it with my wife.

JAY CUTLER LOST HIS TAMPONS


The ongoing saga that is Jay Cutler, vaginal secretion quarterback of the Denver Broncos, took the worst possible turn this weekend when he met face-to-face with new head coach Josh McDaniels for the first time. The meeting was to clear the air between the two but it did just the opposite. Cutler had his feelings hurt when less than a month ago he found out McDaniels was taking calls for trade scenarios to ship out Cutler and perhaps bring in Matt Cassel. Of course nothing came about as Cassel, who McDaniels coached in New England as their offensive coordinator, was traded to Kansas City for a future career in obscurity. Cutler still remained the clear franchise player for the Broncos but his enormous ego was shattered.

So what has he done since? He has bitched and moaned to the press about the situation. He feels like he has been disrespected by McDaniels. This coming from a QB who has a losing record in the NFL and has yet to lead his team to one playoff victory and has yet to really prove anything that he deserves the respect he feels is owed to him. Here is what Cutler had to say about his meeting with McDaniels...

"I went in there with every intention of solving the issue, being a Bronco, moving forward as a Bronco," Cutler said. "We weren't in there but about 20 minutes, [McDaniels] did most of the talking and as far as I'm concerned, he made it clear he wants his own guy. He admitted he wanted Matt Cassel because he said he has raised him up from the ground as a quarterback. He said he wasn't sorry about it. He made it clear that he could still entertain trading me because, as he put it, he'll do whatever he feels is in the best interest of the organization.

"At the end of the meeting, he wasn't like, 'Jay, I want you as our quarterback, you're our guy.' It felt like the opposite. He basically said that I needed to tell him if we can't work this out, to let him know," Cutler added. "I thought he was antagonizing me and that was disappointing because I was ready to move on, committed as a Bronco. Really, I figured we'd hash things out, shake hands, laugh a little and move forward. What happened [Saturday] was the last thing I expected. If I didn't think it could be fixed, I never would have come back to Denver. It was painfully obvious to me and Bus [Cook, his agent] it's not something they want to fix."



So now Cutler has told his agent to formally request a trade and informed the team he will not be reporting for the first team meeting today. Sounds like a great leader right? Someone you want in the trenches with you like a Tom Brady or a Peyton Manning. Oh wait, those guys are proven winners with rings on their fingers and girls wanting to suck their junk. Cutler just has an enormous paycheck and an even bigger ego that requires a huge cotton ball with a very long string to soak it all up.

Where do the Broncos and Cutler go from here? It looks pretty obvious that Cutler's days as Denver quarterback are over. He needs to be traded and should be. He is too big of a distraction in Denver. That being said Cutler is a talented QB who could develop into a Hall of Fame signal caller in the right situation. Remember that John Elway, the greatest Bronco of them all, had a big ego also and forced his trade from the Baltimore Colts to the Broncos shortly after being drafted. Same with Eli Manning. Brett Favre wore out his welcome in Green Bay despite a Hall of Fame career. The Broncos are going to want to get another QB in return for Cutler. They aren't going to just trade him for draft picks. He is a 25 year old QB who has a ton of commodity around the league.

I think a trade that would make the most sense is to the Cleveland Browns for Brady Quinn. Cleveland's new coach Eric Mangini is looking for a guy who can chuck the ball down the field. There is no doubt Cutler is that type of player. The kid has an incredible arm. McDaniels is looking for a QB who can control the game, make the right reads, and distribute the ball for intermediate gains while not forcing turnovers. Brady Quinn is that type of player. Both Quinn and Cutler are franchise NFL QB's. But what Quinn has is more maturity and leadership. Cutler is the more talented of the two. The trade makes a lot of sense for both clubs right now.

And as far as I know they still sell Tampax in Cleveland. They didn't stop distribution once Kellen Winslow left town. It's too bad Cutler won't get to hang out with any of his Denver celebrity friends anymore like Stan and Kyle...

Sunday, March 15, 2009

NICK THE STICK SHIRT


Our newest Sportscrack Tee just in time for baseball season is our "Nick the Stick" shirt. In homage of the Baltimore Orioles Nick Markakis we designed this trademarked shirt with a distressed pattern to give it a vintage look and feel. For only $17 you can get the one and only "Nick the Stick" shirt.

CHARLIE WEIS AND BILL BELICHICK ROCKING OUT WITH BON JOVI


It's the perfect song for Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis. If he doesn't win a minimum of 11 games next season after these past two shit seasons then he will be wanted "Dead or Alive!" Don't get me wrong. I like Charlie and I want him to succeed. But I like winning more.

I got to admit I'm not a Bon Jovi fan but the guy can still still sing. It's kind of amazing he can do that while not feathering his hair.

Video HT: Barstool Sports

Friday, March 13, 2009

JONAS BROTHERS DON'T WANT TO WEAR PURITY RINGS

This is what happens when a no talent ass clown band like the Jonas Brothers decide they want to go do things on their own...


Never cross the Mouse. Disney is just a front for the American Mafia.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

THIS GUY WILL BE THE BEST RECEIVER IN THE NFL DRAFT



I'm talking about Darrius Heyward-Bey out of the University of Maryland. The 6'3 receiver looks as conditioned as Terrell Owens and has 4.3 speed which is on pace with Randy Moss. Everybody wants to talk about Michael Crabtree, Jeremy Maclin, and Percy Harvin as the best receivers in this NFL Draft but I believe Heyward-Bey will be the best of them. He flew underneath the radar so to speak in College Park because he wasn't catching balls from Heisman Trophy contenders or playing on a top 20 team. Heyward-Bey had the fastest time in the combine last month and most draft experts think he could get drafted late first round, possibly landing in the second round. It would be an absolute steal if a team like the Baltimore Ravens or the Pittsburgh Steelers got this kid. The Silver Spring, MD product relishes the chance of his hometown Ravens taking him with the 26th pick, whom they are bring in QB Joe Flacco to work drills with him at his pro workout...

"That will be great," he said after delivering a strong performance in position drills. Flacco "went to Delaware and did a great job last year. I could go there and be a weapon for them. We could grow together ... write that."

The Ravens have a need at receiver to team up with veteran Derrick Mason and emerging Mark Clayton. Heyward-Bey would be a good compliment as he can stretch the field with his blazing speed on the deep routes. And we all know Flacco throws a pretty and long deep ball.

ERIK BEDARD HAS A SORE BUTT


Seattle Mariners starting pitcher Erik Bedard was scratched from his Wednesday spring training start because of a....sore ass! Seriously, Bedard sat on the bench yesterday because he had a sore butt according to new coach Don Wakamatsu...

"Right now we're not concerned because it's not in the hip joint; it's more in the muscle," manager Don Wakamatsu said Wednesday. "I think it's just really about being on the mound again. This is more muscle soreness. He had some stiffness in there about four days ago, and we thought it was best at this point to rest it a little bit. It might be a blessing to get his arm a little bit of a break, too."

Apparently Bedard has been suffering from an allergic reaction to Vagisil. It has been known to cause a sore butt especially when you put it in the wrong hole as Bedard did the other day.

And to think the Orioles got Adam Jones, Chris Tillman, and George Sherrill from the Mariners for Bedard last season....hahahahaha.....

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

EBAY AUCTIONS ENDING SOON, SHIRTS START AT $5

Head over to our EBAY Page to check out some great deals on some Sportscrack Tees that are starting at just $5.

Some of the shirts we have include the PUKE Shirt...


The A-Roids shirt...


The Yankees Suck shirt...


And many more including the Hebrew Hammer, Bruce Almighty, and Phucking Phantastic 2008 World Champs tees.

EBAY PAGE CLICK HERE