Monday, June 01, 2009
Sunday, May 31, 2009
CHARLES BARKLEY CALLS HIS PRODUCER A PUSSY
Gotta love Barkley. He never holds back.
Video HT: Barstool Sports
BRUNO LANDS ON EMINEM AT MTV MOVIE AWARDS
This was all staged but it still is hilarious. I can't wait for Bruno to come out. Just the fact that he put his balls in front of Enimem is reason enough to give it a shot.
Friday, May 29, 2009
DREW BREES ROCKING THE COMBOVER MULLET
If I grew my hair out it would look exactly like this. I'm rocking the fading Pete Sampras hairline and instead of deciding to comb it over I just shave it. But New Orlean Saints QB Drew Brees is bringing back not only the comb over but also the Kenny Powers mullet. Good luck with that Mr. Chocolate Chip face. Hopefully this starts a trend in the sports world. I would love to see Matt Hasselbeck or even Kevin Youkilis sport the comb over mullet. Bring it back guys! Give this balding a hole a chance.
TERI HATCHER CAN STILL BRING IT
Desperate Housewives Teri Hatcher is like 89 years old and still looks like she could break some serious dicks off. It goes to prove that Botox can be a wonderful drug. As well as lipo and eating only food that rabbits enjoy. Go check out WWTDD for more pics of Hatcher cougar prowling on Miami Beach today.
And on that note have a great weekend everybody!
MATT WIETERS FIRST PRESS CONFERENCE
The kid looks like he is ready. One can only hope that he lives up to half of his hype. If he turns out to be anything close to resembling Twins catcher Joe Mauer then I will be one happy fan as well as all of the other Baltimore die hards out there.
Go get em tonight Matty!
Video courtesy of MASN Sports
YANKEES SUCK SHIRT GETS COUPLE THROWN OUT OF RANGERS GAME
And to think an $8 Yankees Suck t-shirt could be so offensive! I thought this was America. Home of the free and the right to free speech. I believe in this country and I think the majority of people would not find this shirt offensive. Are we not allowed to attempt humor on a shirt anymore? I had no idea the Gestapo was alive and thriving in Arlington. Good day sir.
Video HT: Don
Thursday, May 28, 2009
BASEBALL RUMBLINGS
-Everyone knows Carlos Zambrano is a hot head. The guy melts down faster than an ice cube on the Devil's dick. I think Zambrano was just doing his best Kenny Powers impression. He was obviously inspired by Kenny's words of wisdom such as "You're fucking out!" Look, Zambrano had a right to be angry because he thought he tagged the runner out. Replays showed the runner might have just gotten in before the tag was applied. It doesn't matter. I love to see baseball players get fired up. It shows they have heart and want to win. And don't worry about that little bump they talked about. The umpire bumped into Zambrano. One other thing we found out about Zambrano after this freak out: he prefers Powerade.
-What the fuck are the Atlanta Braves doing? Have you seen their outfield production? Oh yeah, you haven't because there is none. Jordan Schafer has no right whatsoever to be in the major leagues right now. But yet everyday Bobby Cox trots him out to centerfield for his obligatory 3-4 K's a game. The kid is so overmatched right now it's not even funny. He can't hit an inside curveball to save his life and yet hitting coach Terry Pendleton has done nothing to correct his swing or position in the box to help him. If he can't be helped in Atlanta he needs to be sent down. Same with Jeff Francoeur. Frenchy is terrible at the plate. I love his arm and defense in the outfield but the guy just hasn't adjusted to major league pitching. Maybe Bobby Cox knows something that I don't but I can not for the life of me see these guys make drastic improvements. The Braves offense is anemic because of Frenchy, Schafer, and Garrett Anderson. GM Frank Wren needs to make a move to get a power bat for the outfield. The Braves have the pitching to compete with anybody but they can't score any runs. Or maybe they need to fire Pendleton. If I were the Braves GM I would fire Pendleton, send Schafer down, and trade Frenchy plus some other spare pitching parts(Charlie Morton, Medlen, etc.) for a proven slugger. Matt Holliday could be available. The Orioles are willing to listen to offers for Aubrey Huff. Make some phone calls Wren. Turn this team around.
-Zack Greinke is reminding me of Pedro Martinez when he first appeared in Boston. Zack Attack is almost untouchable right now when he steps on the mound. I actually expect him to throw a no-hitter this year. We are already almost a third of the way through the season and his ERA is still below 1.00. He has 5 complete games. If this guy pitched for one of the East Coast teams he would be considered the greatest pitcher ever. Well, it doesn't matter because he is pitching in KC and bringing back the fans to Kauffman. I want to see the Royals compete for their division almost as badly as I want to watch Greinke pitch. The loyal Royals fans who have stuck by their team deserve it.
THE FREAK 55 SAN FRANCISCO SHIRT
We got a brand new shirt called The Freak in honor of Tim Lincecum. Lincecum has been lights out this season after dominating the National League last season in winning his first Cy Young. Affectionately called "The Freak" by teammates and fans, now you can wear the shirt to support your favorite player. The shirt has a distressed design to give it a vintage look and feel to it.
SPORTSCRACK STORE PAGE
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
NOLAN REIMOLD IS THE MAN!
WALK OFF 3 RUN HOMERUN IN THE BOTTOM OF THE 11TH TO WIN THE GAME! A sweep of the Blue Jays, their first since 1994. Plus I saw a fan wearing a Nick the Stick shirt right before Reimold hit the laser shot out. Hell yeah!
T-SHIRT TRIVIA
I got one free Sportscrack Tee or Drink Like a Champion Today shirt to the first person who can answer this trivia question correctly.
There have been an abundance of home steals in baseball this year, can you name the all-time leader in home stolen bases and the exact number this person collected in their career?
First person to email me their name, address, and the correct answers to matt@sportscrack.com will get a free shirt of their choice. Good luck!
UPDATE: Congratulations go out to Jim Niemie of New York for being the first person to correctly email me the answer of Ty Cobb with 54 stolen bases. Jim picked the BC$ We Want Playoffs not Payoffs shirt. Be on the lookout next Wednesday at noon eastern when we will do another Sportscrack Tee Trivia giveaway.
THE GREAT WIETERS HOPE
And so it begins...nearly two full years after the Baltimore Orioles drafted phenom catcher Matt Wieters with the 5th overall pick out of Georgia Tech, Wieters will make his major league debut this Friday in Camden Yards against the Detroit Tigers. The 6'5 catcher has had scouts, baseball executives, coaches and fans raving and drooling about his minor league production not to mention his future MLB potential as one of the centerpieces of an Orioles franchise that already boosts young superstars in Nick Markakis and Adam Jones. Wieters has drawn favorable comparisons to Joe Mauer and Jason Varitek. Excuse me while I change my pants. I think I just soiled myself.
Orioles president of baseball operations Andy MacPhail revealed last night during the MASN broadcast against the Blue Jays that Wieters would make his debut and that he was ready...
"He is really starting to hit the ball; he has been on quite a streak over the last 10 days...he has made the progress, the power is starting to come. He is (hitting) over .300 as we speak. ... It's time. He has done what he has needed to do at that level."
Wieters learned last night before taking the field for the Norfolk Tides that he was being called up. How did he respond to the news? Oh, simply by going 4-for-4 with a double, 4 RBIs and getting on base all 5 times he was up. Yeah, he is most certainly ready. Wieters tore up A and AA ball last year while climbing up to the #1 overall prospect. He finished last season with 27 home runs, drove in 91, and hit .355 overall with an on-base percentage of nearly .450 while earning the Baseball America Player of the Year honor. This season his production hasn't been as good while playing in AAA due partly to a tender hamstring that shelved him for almost a week. But nevertheless scouts and coaches and even the players know he is ready to make a big impact in Baltimore.
"Right when he came up [to Bowie] and I saw him play for a while, I was like 'Wow,' " said Orioles left fielder Nolan Reimold, who played with Wieters for parts of two seasons. "He can really hit and he can really play."
Wieters was all part of a plan drawn up and implemented by MacPhail to revitalize the Orioles minor league system. The Orioles spent too many seasons chasing old veterans, drafting the wrong guys, and not developing the talent and/or trading it away(I still can't believe to this day they traded Curt Schilling, Pete Harnisch, and Steve Finley for Glenn Davis). But MacPhail has changed the Orioles franchise around and thankfully owner Peter Angelos has learned from his past mistakes and let a great baseball mind do his job. One of those was drafting Wieters with the 5th pick when he was rated the #1 overall player in the draft and only fell because of signing issues(Scott Boras client). MacPhail got him signed and delivered at the 11th hour with an Orioles record signing bonus of $6 million.
Wieters has proven so far that he is well worth the money. The Orioles haven't had a winning season since I was a freshman at Towson University. That was 12 years ago. It's been a painful decade to watch a proud franchise like the Orioles slip while teams in their division like the Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees enjoy huge success thanks in large part to the economics of the game. But things are changing for the better in Charm City. With the contract extensions of Markakis and Brian Roberts and the trade with Seattle to bring in superstar in the making Adam "Bazooka" Jones and future ace Chris Tillman along with All-Star closer George "Flat Breezy" Sherrill things are starting to look sunny on the diamond for the first time since Cal Ripken smiled and waved his final farewell to the fans. Not to mention that MacPhail drafted and signed future aces Jake Arrieta and Brian Matusz as part of a "cavalry" of young pitching phenoms that should have Marylanders ready to hang up those Ravens hats and start heading back to Camden Yards.
Wieters is just the start of the Great Hope. The next decade of call ups should be the light to guide the Orioles out of the darkness.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED BABY
I'm 30 years old, married, own a home, drive a SUV, and have two dogs and a cat. You know what comes next don't ya? Yes. A baby. You figured your friends would be happy for you. Think again. Take a look at your future, my future, the whole human race future...
Sexually Transmitted Baby - watch more funny videos
I went and saw Terminator Salvation on Friday. Good action flick for all the Terminator junkies out there. But seriously, why no mention of John Connor's wife and his baby? Director McG seriously messed up on that part. It's like he was scared to even acknowledge to the audience the existence of a future Connor. I was almost as disappointed as when those garbage Star Wars prequels came out. Seriously, no baby Chewbacca? Come on George Lucas. He must have consulted his friends before filming. Oh, don't worry if you haven't seen Terminator Salvation. Everybody dies. It's over. I won't ruin it for you though and give you anymore details.
YOUR TUESDAY MORNING WAKE UP SONG
Since we took off for Memorial Day here is your Tuesday morning wake up song...
CLEVELAND NEEDS TO BELIEVE...
In the power of Lebron. Talk about a city full of defeatist losers, check out this Cleveland news station give up all hope after the Orlando Magic took a 2 point lead with 1 second left in the game 3.
I still think the NBA rule where you call a time out after the opposing team scores and you get the selection of taking the ball past half court is one of the dumbest rules in sports. But it does make for exciting highlights.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
FURTHER PROOF THAT THE SPORTING NEWS JUST NEEDS TO GO AWAY AND DIE
I know most of you had no idea that the Sporting News was even around but apparently they still exist. I will give them credit, they do put links to some of my "articles" so apparently they have good taste. I can't say I blame them for wanting to get some of the Sportscrack love. I found a list of their top 50 MLB players in the game today.
Take a look at this joke...
1. Albert Pujols, Cardinals
2. Alex Rodriguez, Yankees
3. Johan Santana, Mets
4. Manny Ramirez, Dodgers
5. Hanley Ramirez, Marlins
6. Chase Utley, Phillies
7. Roy Halladay, Blue Jays
8. Derek Jeter, Yankees
9. Mariano Rivera, Yankees
10. Chipper Jones, Braves
11. Ryan Howard, Phillies
12. Grady Sizemore, Indians
13. David Wright, Mets
14. Justin Morneau, Twins
15. Jimmy Rollins, Phillies
16. Josh Beckett, Red Sox
17. Mark Teixeira, Yankees
18. Dustin Pedroia, Red Sox
19. Tim Lincecum, Giants
20. Evan Longoria, Rays
21. Lance Berkman, Astros
22. Jose Reyes, Mets
23. Carlos Beltran, Mets
24. Ian Kinsler, Rangers
25. Zack Greinke, Royals
26. Josh Hamilton, Rangers
27. Alfonso Soriano, Cubs
28. Miguel Cabrera, Tigers
29. CC Sabathia, Yankees
30. Ichiro Suzuki, Mariners
31. Brandon Webb, Diamondbacks
32. Ryan Braun, Brewers
33. Dan Haren, Diamondbacks
34. Francisco Rodriguez, Mets
35. Matt Holliday, A's
36. Kevin Youkilis, Red Sox
37. Vladimir Guerrero, Angels
38. Jake Peavy, Padres
39. Joe Mauer, Twins
40. Carlos Quentin, White Sox
41. Jason Bay, Red Sox
42. Chad Billingsley, Dodgers
43. Cliff Lee, Indians
44. Torii Hunter, Angels
45. Victor Martinez, Indians
46. Roy Oswalt, Astros
47. Carlos Delgado, Mets
48. Carlos Zambrano, Cubs
49. Cole Hamels, Phillies
50. Brian McCann, Braves
Ummm, excuse me but where the fuck is Nick Markakis? Derek Jeter at #8! You have to be kidding me. Listen, I kind of like Jeter even though he is a Yankee. The guy scores unbelievable poon and keeps his name out of the papers for all the right reasons. But there is no fucking way he is the 8th best player in the game. Please get your dick out of his ass before he shits all over you. If you are going to put Mariano Rivera on there, especially in the top 10, you better sure as hell put Trevor Hoffman on there. But nope, Hell's Bells Hoffman isn't even in the top 50 yet he has a better career ERA, more saves, and is having a better season right now than Rivera. Evan Longoria should be top 10...no doubt in my mind. Chipper Jones is not a better 3B than Longoria at this point. Grady Sizemore might be one of the most overrated players in the game. Adam Bazooka Jones is a better hitter, better fielder, and has a way better arm than Sizemore. Josh Beckett rated higher than Tim Lincecum and Zack Greinke? Holy shit, this list should just be crumpled up and burned. I'm going to come up with my own list. I can't put up with stupid shit like Matt Holliday, Vladimir Guerrero, and Jason Bay are seen as better players than Nick Markakis.
I will try to get my list out within the next few days.
RON MEXICO IS FREE (SORT OF)
Thank God Ron Mexico aka Michael Vick is finally free. Now we have a NFL storyline worth following. All kidding aside Vick was released from prison today after serving 19 months for killing dogs in his own financed dogfighting ring. He will now serve two months of home confinement (smoking blunts and playing video games with his "friends") up in Virginia. He will also wait to meet with NFL commissioner Roger Goodell to hear if he will be reinstated to the NFL in 2009.
First off I am all about forgive and forget. Michael Vick has done some shitty stuff. A lot of it. Killing dogs is not cool at all. I can't even make a joke of it right now. I have two dogs right now and grew up with dogs since I first blinked. I've been around viscous dogs too. And in no way have I ever thought it was right to kill one. Call me a pacifist, pussy, puppy lover, whatever. I am willing to forgive Vick if he can admit to what he did was wrong with sincerity. Granted the guy has a hard time completing a sentence so we may never get it. I may be in the minority but I want to see this guy come back and have success in the NFL. Just not with the Atlanta Falcons. I'm sure Mexico can still play. You know the guy has been working on his agility and speed in the prison showers. Hell, I would come out of there looking like Barry Sanders even I had to hide my backside in prison.
I'm not sure Goodell will grant him reinstatement right away. I could see Goodell letting Vick sit out a year and then come back in 2010. We know whatever team is interested in signing Vick will have to put up with a PR nightmare. PETA will be all over their ass, throwing blood on their training facility while crying about the rights of pit bulls. The only team I think brave enough to not give a shit about PR nightmares is Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis. Sure I think it would be more ironic if the Cleveland Browns signed him for the Dawgpound but they got Brady Quinn's career to fuck up right now.
Vick would fit in nicely with the Raiders. They love speed and one could only imagine a team with Jamarcus Russell's arm, Mexico's speed, D-Mac's running ability, and Heyward-Bey's deep bomb threat would do to NFL defenses. So I'm saying get ready Raiders fans. You will be dealing with Vick next year. For better or worse. Richer or poorer. Till dog death do us part.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
I HEART GEORGE BRETT
The Hall of Famer tells it like it is and leaves little to the imagination when answering the criticism about his pants...ummm...I meant to say the criticism current Royals manager Trey Hillman is facing from that typhoon of a Kansas City media storm he faces everyday...
George Brett needs to be the new commissioner of baseball. He doesn't take shit from anybody. Any man brave enough to go out on the golf course with those striped pants has my vote. I wonder if he was wearing those pants because he shit himself again...
I've loved George Brett ever since he came raging out of that visitor's dugout in Yankees Stadium years ago. The guy is pure passion and stands up for what he believes in. He should be the face of baseball. Not Bud Selig. And sure, I have no idea if he is qualified or even wants the job. But any man who can admit that he shits himself has my vote of confidence.
On a related note you can get the Zackkkk Attackkkk shirts by clicking the link below...
Monday, May 18, 2009
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