When I was young I knew everything, now I'm Pete Carroll guilt stricken sobbing with my head on the floor because I named Matt Barkley starting QB...I can't be held responsible...Barkley was touching my thigh...I won't be held responsible...we were merely freshmen....
USC was so innocent. F them is what I say....
IMAGE HT: WithLeather
Hide your Beagle people, Vick's an Eagle officially starting tonight against the Jacksonville Jaguars on the NFL Network. So basically a million people have the opportunity to watch it from their home. Fucking NFL Network and their exclusive deal with DirecTV. Don't they realize that satellite tv sucks balls or is just about the money? Oh yeah, it's always about the money. Anywho, I will have to go to Taco Mac tonight to see the Doggie Killer make his debut wearing something other than black and white stripes or an orange jumpsuit. Vick has served his time and deserves a second chance. Actually this is more like his 10th chance because he lied so many times before hand about having any involvement but that is besides the point.
I want to see Vick play. I want to see him roll out of the pocket and hold that pigskin like it's got Ron Mexico's clamidia on the laces. I want to see him get hit and fumble. I want to see him break a run for 30 yards when most other players would have only got 10 yards. I want to see him overthrow a receiver by 5 yards or miss a guy on the slant or fire it too hard. Most of all I want to see how people react to him when he is introduced for the first time. I expect a scattering of boo's and cheers. And pound puppies on the field.
HIDE YOUR BEAGLES VICK'S AN EAGLE SHIRT AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE HERE!
This has to be LSUFreek's best work over at EDSBS. Very disturbing yet highly funny. My sides actually hurt right now and those are not remnants of Vegas destruction in my ribs.
Zombieland could get 1 star and be as Gawdawful as that Peter Jackson remake of King Kong and I still won't give a shit, I have to see this movie. It feels like it has a Tarantino flavor to it and anytime you have Woody Harelson playing a redneck then it's all good in my book.
I'm interested in hearing what the peanut gallery has to say. Would you go see Zombieland after watching this preview or would you rather go see some gay ass Harry Potter coming of age movie? Seriously, if you like Harry Potter and are over the age of 15 please just kill yourself now. The world would be a lot less gayer with you in it.
20 bucks, and it better be quick! Great job Fox Sports! I still have no desire to watch soccer but this commercial made me laugh.
Video HT: Extra Mustard
The clip above comes from Shaq VS which is apparently some show on ABC. I have no fucking clue because I don't watch network television unless there is sports on it. HBO and Showtime shows occupy my time most nights if I decide to watch something else besides the baseball game right now. Anyways, Shaq lost a bet to the beach volleyball group of Misty May and Kerri Whateverhername so he had to walk down the beach in a pink speedo. I think it fits the big man. I was pleasantly surprised not to see some damn elephant snake slipping out of the side. That would have been almost as uncomfortable as seeing Misty May's ballsack in slow motion. Seriously, Misty is a pre-op tranny right?
Video HT: Extra Mustard
in my stomach and it has nothing to do with hookers and blow but everything to do with September 5th. I love the Fall and I love sitting on my ass all day on Saturdays with a cold beer in my hand and watching college football. Shit like this video gets my heart pumping in anticipation for kickoff...
Here is another one of our new shirts. We call it the new "Cash 4 Clunker" shirt and you can only get it at our STORE PAGE.
Brett Favre is already joined the Cash 4 Clunker program, shouldn't you?...
Brett Favre pictures courtesy of MacG's World
Here is a little video Jason Hall, a big fan of Sportscrack, sent my way with the talking heads at ESPN giving their outlook for Notre Dame this season. Seeing Mark May's bloated head babbling bullshit already has my blood boiling. October 17th can not come soon enough. It's put up or shut up time for the Notre Dame football program in 2009.
Listen, we all know Notre Dame only won 10 games the last 2 years combined. But that is in the past and right now, the present, this Notre Dame team might have the most talent and depth since the early to mid 90's. I shit you not. Elite programs like Texas, Florida, LSU, and USC can put out their 2nd and 3rd teamers and not miss a beat. Notre Dame has finally gotten to this point. Their offense is completely loaded with experience and elite playmakers. They have the newest version of the AFROS (America's Finest Receivers on Saturday) with Golden Tate, Michael Floyd, and TE Kyle Rudolph back in which combined will put up well over 2500 yards receiving and 25 TD's receiving in 2009. Their backups such as freshman Shaquille Evans, sophomores Deion Walker and Johnny Goodman, juniors Duval Kamara and Mike Ragone were all high school All-Americans who every program in this country desperately wanted. Jimmy Clausen will have a Heisman worthy campaign this season and will bump one of either Tim Tebow, Sam Bradford, or Colt McCoy off the invitation list to NYC. The runningbacks are as deep as anybody in the nation including USC. Armando Allen, Robert Hughes, James Aldridge, Jonas Gray, and freshmen Cierre Wood and Theo Riddick will all be battling for carries this season. There is no reason why they shouldn't push for over 2500 yards rushing combined this season especially behind an offensive line which will now push people forward instead of back.
The defense is going to have a lot of breakout stars this season. On the defensive line look out for defensive tackles Ian Williams and Ethan Johnson. If the Irish are going to contend for a National Title they have to be able to control the line of scrimmage and stop the run. Both Williams and Johnson are fully capable of having All-American seasons and have made great strides in the weight room. Forcing double teams is the key to free up the pass rush with defensive ends such as Kerry Neal and Kapron Lewis-Moore coming on the outside and crushing the quarterback or making a rush throw. If Williams, Johnson, Neal, and Lewis-Moore do their job then it will free up what could be the most underrated set of linebackers in the nation. The group is led by junior Brian Smith (leaves his heart on the field, will make a great captain in 2010) who could have one of those Courtney Watson type seasons where he always around the ball making plays. In coming freshman Manti Te'O, aka the Hawaiian Hitman, is the biggest defensive recruit to come to Notre Dame since Kory Minor was rocking the black shield. Te'O is literally a man among boys. He will have as much of an impact on the defense as a freshman as Michael Floyd had last season for the offense. He is that good and will leave Notre Dame once his mission is complete: Destroy USC. Senior Toryan Smith will be solid at the MIKE and Darius Fleming will have at least 8 sacks this season at the SAM LB position. The great thing about the front 7 of the Irish this season is most all of these guys are big, strong, and can fly and will be successful in Jon Tenuta's aggressive, blitz-happy defense.
Their secondary is the best in the nation. Yes, I said it. Cornerbacks Darrin Walls and Robert Blanton are both shut down. Their back ups, Raeshon McNeil and Gary Gray would start almost anywhere in the country but at Notre Dame they will be counted on to fill in and just be badass cover corners. I'm talking Air Traffic Control with those 4 guys plus you have a Jamoris Slaughter who Irish fans will love to see on the playing field in 2009 because of how smooth, quick, and his ability to lay out people with his frame will have you scratching your head in amazement. The safeties are led by seniors Kyle McCarthy and Sergio Brown. I absolutely love watching these guys play because you can tell how much they want to get their hands on that pigskin and take it back for 6. Harrison Smith, Dan McCarthy, and freshman Zeke Motta will all see significant time and are budding stars who will keep the tradition going in 2010 and beyond. This defense combined is going to put a lot of fear into opponents and they will create a ton of turnovers.
Make no mistake people, 2009 was the year I pointed out back in 2006 as the year the Irish finally returned to elite. Now it's only 10 days away till it comes to fruition. Believe the hype because Notre Dame is for real. I can't fucking wait! Can you?
Ok, so maybe I lied a little bit about his reaction to the new "Hide your Beagle, Vick's an Eagle" shirt we introduced last night. Sure the "Barbaric" Senator from West Virginia is breaking down upon hearing Teddy Kennedy's death this morning but it might as well have been my reaction to seeing the final design of another one of our new NFL inspired shirts.
Brings tears to these eyes. December 6th in the Dome can't come soon enough. The Battle of the Birds. Matty Ice vs. BadNewzEagles.
Visit our store page to get the new shirt.
If you don't buy one then you are simply being BARBARIC!!!!
It's good to see Washington Redskin's tight end Chris Cooley has one of the same issues I have had in the past: how in the fuck do you kill those pesky yellow jackets and wasps? They are everywhere during the summer and are the most annoying thing other than a Mexican driving 35 mph on the highway. So how do you kill them? Apparently a cowboy hat, a video camera, two cans of bug spray, and constant persistence for the hive...
It's just a matter of time before PETA sends the Cooley's a mean letter.
Ever since I got back from Vegas I've had about zero time to actually sit and relax but honestly who gives a shit, I would rather be busy. The only thing that bothers me is I have had absolutely no time to sit and write some blogs. I've been too busy going back and forth, shipping out t-shirts (big stinky pinkies to all of you out there) in mass quantities to as far away as Australia. We got more shirts coming out as we have been inundated with constant requests for new ones. We even got some requests for some pro-Michigan and pro-USC shirts. Well being a Notre Dame and SEC fan I got 2 words for all y'all Wolverines and Trojans blowhards. It's basically what my bank card told me in Vegas when I tried to withdrawal 2K for some roulette...
Old Frenchy hitting into an unassisted triple play to end the game. That is something you don't see everyday. You know what else you don't see: dead hookers. Nope, I didn't see any in Vegas. Swear to God.
Video HT: WithLeather
I am off to Las Vegas for a little coming of passage called the bachelor party. Things will get rough, lives will be changed, and babies will be affected. After much consideration and insight from the Sportscrack nation I have decided to go with Charleston Southern and the +73 points against Florida. I'm putting Carlos' college fund on it so you jackoffs better have it right...
I will see all of you on Monday. Hopefully. Any good lawyers out there?
Tomorrow I am boarding a plane for Vegas for my buddy Chuck's bachelor party and was thinking about throwing down some bets on the opening weekend of college football. One line stood out to me from week 1. The Florida Gators are 73 point favorites over Charleston Southern according to USA Today's Danny Sheridan. Ten touchdowns and a fucking field goal favorites are the defending champion Gators! I know these teams are two total mismatches but you don't think the Gators will be running up the score this early being #1 preseason do you?
I need the help of the Sportscrack Nation. Do I bet on Florida not covering the -73 or shall I say fuck it, the Gators are going to dismantle them and win by at least 80? Leave your comments below.
Y'ALL, Britney Spears made an appearance on Late Show with David Letterman doing the "Top Ten Ways the Country Would be Different if Britney Spears were President" and I must say, it looks like she is back in a good way...
I give her two more years of solid clean living till she makes her way back to dysfunctional crazy Mom and accepts a spot on Dr. Drew's Celebrity Rehab. Speaking of Celebrity Rehab have you seen their cast of characters for the new season? Not trying to sound gay or anything but this season should be very entertaining with Mindy McCready (aka Roger Clemens mistress talking about his shrunken mansack), NBA great Dennis Rodman, Hollywood Madam Heidi Fleiss, actor Tom Sizemore, bassist Mike Starr from Alice in Chains (one of the more underrated bands of all-time) among others dishing out their daily addictions and problems on national television. Now that is entertainment folks that make you, me, and everybody else feel good about themselves.
A joke for you on this glorious bastard of a day they like to call Hump for some reason...
"Why I fired my Secretary"
Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that
morning..
I went downstairs for breakfast
hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
'Happy Birthday!',
and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out,
she barely said good morning,
let alone
' Happy Birthday.'
I thought....
Well, that's marriage for you,
but the kids...
They will remember.
My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
and didn't say a word..
So when I left for the office,
I felt pretty low
and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office,
my secretary Jane said,
'Good Morning Boss,
and by the way
Happy Birthday ! '
It felt a little better
that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock ,
when Jane knocked on my door
and said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day outside,
and it is your Birthday,
what do you say we go out to lunch,
just you and me..'
I said, 'Thanks, Jane,
that's the greatest thing
I've heard all day.
Let's go !'
We went to lunch.
But we didn't go
where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quiet bistro
with a private table.
We had two martinis each
and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office,
Jane said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day...
We don't need to go straight back to the office,
Do We ?'
I responded,
'I guess not.
What do you have in mind ?'
She said,
'Let's drop by my apartment,
it's just around the corner.'
After arriving at her apartment,
Jane turned to me and said,
' Boss, if you don't mind,
I'm going to step into the bedroom
for just a moment.
I'll be right back.'
'Ok.' I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and,
after a couple of minutes,
she came out
carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed
by my wife,
my kids,
and dozens of my friends
and co-workers,
all singing 'Happy Birthday'.
And I just sat there....
On the couch...
Naked.
HT: Joe
Honestly I could care two shits if Brett Fav-re plays another down of NFL Football. I have tried and manipulated all my strength and will power to just ignore another offseason of bullshit in regards to Favre's retirement because I have no vested interest in Brett Favre. I don't like him or the Green Bay Packers or any other NFL team he wants to contaminate at this point. What I do care about is some guy making up his fucking mind and sticking with it. Quarterbacks are suppose to be committed to their team because unlike the other positions on the field they can directly affect the outcome. Favre on the other hand is just looking for the money. Favre has now become the Roger Clemens of the NFL. He was once beloved in Green Bay (maybe the Cheeseheads still love him because of the 3 MVPs and Super Bowl ring) and now he is playing for one of their biggest rivals in Minnesota. Like Clemens he says he is retired only to come back for the 3,436th time. If the Vikings were offering him $2 million and a little backdoor blow job action on a boat he would have told them to fuck off. But they didn't and finally caved to his and more importantly his agent's demand for more money and less training camp action despite having a bum shoulder and an ego that needs to be stroked more often than a coked up Peter North.
I say I shouldn't care about Fav-re and I really don't want to but the fucking guy won't go away. If he would just put on his fucking Wranglers, mow the grass, and shut the fuck up and not lie about retiring then nobody would care about him besides the Packers fanatics and Peter King. But nevertheless here we are. He won't stay in Mississippi. Another offseason of bullshit. Now Favre has become the official villain of the NFL. He wants to be the villain now. He has embraced the dark side, or purple if you prefer, and now will be playing in a comfortable 70 degree Dome instead of the frozen tundra of Lambeau. I'm shocked any team would put up with his shit especially considering the guy is 39 years old (translates to 108 years in normal human life) and all he ever does these days is lead the league in throwing bad interceptions.
Look at him and talk about him, that is what Brett Favre wants. He needs the attention. He loves it more than Michael Jackson loved to suck cock. I wish the media would just ignore him and tell him to go home and leave us alone. So from now on I will ignore any story involving #4. I promise. Wait, what did Fav-re just say to Chris Mortenson? Fucking Fav-re!
