Great illustration and case closed

Now that is some hands on reporting. You gotta get dirty sometimes and make the news especially in Kansas City.

HT to Dave.

HAPPY 420 DAY EVERYBODY!

Be safe out there and please, for the love of God, don't take what this poor schmuck took. Those were the good old days when your dogs would turn into panthers and goats would talk to you. You don't need it anymore. You got debt and a mortgage to pay. Joy.

Mike Leake's American Rag Shoplifting Ad

Tauntr.com has the most excellent American Rag ad endorsed by Cincinnati Red's pitcher Mike Leake. As you may have heard Leake got caught shoplifting 6 American Rag shirts worth a total of $60 yesterday. Yep. A guy who makes $450k a year is stealing fucking $10 shirts. What an asshole!

Aroldis Chapman hit 106 last night

I know the Reds probably know what they are doing but how in the holy fuck is Aroldis Chapman a middle reliever when he hits 106 on the gun? And people wonder why Dusty Baker doesn't have a World Series ring yet. Yeah, you heard right. 1...0...6!!!! He threw it to Andrew McCutchen last night and I don't even think God saw it. I would post a video of it but since MLB doesn't want to promote their sport I will just direct you to their site.

In the meantime go ahead and buy one of our Cuban Missile shirts.

Monopoly -Official Trailer

I smell summer blockbuster. Fuck Captain America and The Hangover 2. Monopoly will send those bitches straight to jail. Monopoly is going to straight up crush the box office this summer. I'm pretty much positive Christopher Nolan stole the musical score from Monopoly and somehow put it in Inception. I'm also sure that Tequila tastes best before noon Monday through Friday. These are things you learn when you type in your PJs at 3 in the afternoon.

Brian Wilson and Cody Ross rocking it out with a mini me Matt Cain with claw hands

Giants closer Brian Wilson is quickly becoming one of my favorite players in the league. I mean shit the guy rocks a terrorist beard and still gets mad pussy. How is that even possible? If I have two day stubble I'm basically shut off like it's Fort Knox down there. If I wasn't a die hard Braves or Orioles fan I could definitely see myself rooting for the Giants. I mean shit they wear the same colors as the Orioles. They play in one of my favorite cities to visit and their ballpark rivals Camden Yards. And they also got Lincecum who the Orioles somehow dumbfucked their way into not drafting him and instead took fucking Billy Rowell. I don't know what the purpose of this video is but it's crazy how the pitchers mound can make Matt Cain look so much bigger. It's little wonder (pun intended) he can mow down hitters with those fucking claws for hands. By the way where the hell is Lincecum? He probably was too busy chowing down some In-N Out after smoking some medicinal.

Video via BarStoolSports

Mets Commercial - Tickets Still Available!!!

Thanks to George Lee for posting this vintage New York Mets commercial. I'm probably the last person who should make fun of the Metropolitans since my Orioles and Braves have contracted bat aids. Yeah it's horrible. Nobody can hit worth a shit and like Magic Johnson only money, a whole lot it, can make it bat aids go away.

Does Serena have college eligibility?

Because I know of a few programs that could use the help at the fullback position. If she packs on about another 20 then we are looking at a future noseguard.

Picture via TheBigLead

Notre Dame picked up a 5 star commitment in Ronald Darby

Notre Dame picked up some huge commitments this past weekend led by athlete Ronald Darby out of Maryland.

Darby will be a cornerback for the Fighting Irish and return kicks. He was electronically timed at the Under Armour All-American Combine in Orlando, FL in the 40-yard dash and ran an astonishing 4.31. He is one of if not the fastest sprinter in the country. He has multiple time trials on the track that timed out the fastest in the nation. He will be the fastest recruit at Notre Dame since Allen Rossum was playing corner in the mid 90's.

I know a lot of fans want to see him at tailback and for good reason with his ridiculous speed. But Darby likes to play defense and with Notre Dame losing Gary Gray, Robert Blanton, and Harrison Smith out of the secondary in 2012 Darby will get immediate playing time. He told IrishIllustrated.com he loves to play defense.

"I really like defense best and special teams," Darby previously told IrishIllustrated.com. "I like to be the one to deliver the hit."

With Tee Shepard and Darby in the fold Notre Dame has two of the elite cornerbacks in the nation. Geno Smith out of Atlanta is another elite corner that Notre Dame hopes to get on campus in the summer or fall. With the Irish losing most of their secondary to the NFL in 2012 all of these kids will have a chance to contribute immediately and Notre Dame can obviously sell playing time to them.

The Irish also picked up Michael Cera's doppelganger in Nicky Baratti out of Texas. Baratti will play safety in college and his high school film brings back memories of another former Irish safety in Tommy Zbikowski. Like Zibby Baratti plays quarterback in high school and is extremely fast and physical.

WTF was Verlander doing here?

I've seen a lot of things in baseball but this is a first. Detroit Tigers starter Justin Verlander steps off the rubber and then fires it home. Just a complete brain fart with Verlander.

UGA Football Recruits Arrested for Locker Room Thefts

Well it looks like Georgia is off to a great start in recruiting with the news of recruits being arrested for stealing shit from some of the current player's lockers this past week.

Deion Bonner, Marquise Hawkins and an unidentified juvenile from Columbus were arrested by UGA police and charged with theft by taking over the weekend. They’re accused of stealing iPods and iPhones from the unsecured lockers of seven football players on April 7 during an open-house event at Butts-Mehre Heritage Hall. The estimated value of the stolen items was $1,330.

Bonner was charged with one count of theft by taking, Hawkins was charged with two counts of theft by taking and the unidentified juvenile with three counts of theft by taking, according to Williamson. Bonner and Hawkins were booked at Athens-Clarke County jail a little after 9 a.m. Monday morning and have $1,500 bonds posted on each count. The crimes are considered misdemeanors.

Bonner, a 5-11, 185-pound defensive back from Carver-Columbus, is considered one of the top prospects in the state for the Class of 2012 and was included among the AJC’s “Tentative Top 10″ prospects for next season. The AJC has learned that Hawkins is not a college football prospect. Marquise Hawkins is the twin brother of Carver-Columbus quarterback Marqui Hawkins, who is a 2013 recruiting prospect, according to Carver coach Dell McGee.

Carver High School is where top incoming recruit Isaiah Crowell, a tailback, is from and I'm sure you can only imagine the collective shit in their pants UGA Nation had when they first heard some high school recruits from that particular school were involved. PLEASE DON'T BE CROWELL PLEASE HOLY FUCK DON'T BE CROWELL FOR FUCK'S SAKE DON'T BE CROWELL!!!!!!!!!

So it's safe to say with the thefts that Mark Richt and his staff will no longer be recruiting Bonner or Hawkins. If anything they would fit in perfectly at Tennessee. Get on it Derek Dooley

Kevin Na with a 16 on a Par 4

Kevin Na posted an ungodly 16 on a par 4 hole yesterday at the Valero Texas Open. Holy shit I didn't even think that was possible. I'm not the best golfer by any means but I don't think I've ever scribbled a 16 on my scorecard. In fact I'm positive. I mean what do you do if you are Na at this point? You are now famous for being shitty. Do you go all Tiger and get hookers and blow and call it a bad day? I have no idea. I don't shoot 16's on par 4's. Now par 5's are a completely different story.

Video via BigLeadSports

Coco Crisp bringing back the retro afro

100% natural people. Oakland A's center fielder Coco Crisp unveiled his mighty afro last night against Detroit. It looked great with the old school uniforms that the A's wore back in the 70's. Unfortunately for Crisp the power of the fro didn't work last night as the A's lost in a shutout and Crisp went 0 for 4. But I like the Oscar Gamble look. It's like two black cotton balls sprouting out of his ears.

You know what I hope is next for Crisp in the hairstyle department? The George Bell soul glo. Bring that shit back!

Atlanta Falcons select Kyle Rudolph with 1st pick?

We are 13 days away from the start of the NFL Draft and the AJC's D. Orlando Ledbetter has the Atlanta Falcons doing the unthinkable: drafting a Notre Dame player. The Falcons have a need at tight end with the once great Tony Gonzalez closing in on retirement but would they really draft Kyle Rudolph with the #27 overall pick? Ledbetter thinks so...

Tony Gonzalez is not going to play forever.

This offseason he let the team know that he plans to return for the final year of his contract.

Later, he stated that if there is a long lockout that he’ll probably hang up his cleats.

Either way, the Falcons have to do something. They have to plan for the future. They have to get a tight end on board and they’ve been heavily scouting the position this offseason.

With the 27th pick, the Falcons will have a chance to address their needs at defensive end, tight end, cornerback and wide receiver.

But when Miami cornerback Brandon Harris is selected 26th by Baltimore, the Falcons will shift over to offense.

They could go with Ohio State defensive end Cameron Heyward or Georgia defensive end Justin Houston. But they know Miami defensive end Allen Bailey will still be available when they pick in the second around.

However, it’s highly unlikely that they’ll pick a wide receiver in the first round because there will be talented receivers in the second, third and fourth rounds. East Carolina wide receiver Dwayne Harris could be the team’s third round target.

Under this scenario, the Falcons will pull Notre Dame tight end Kyle Rudolph’s name off their draft board in the first round.

Rudolph, who’s 6-foot-6 1/8 and 259 pounds, is widely considered the top tight end in the draft.

It's a good argument and trust me I would love to have Rudolph on the Falcons. The guy has crazy measurables and would be a red zone nightmare for opponents. But I also think the Falcons have bigger needs with the #1 pick.

Defense.

The Falcons need playmakers on the defensive side of the ball and most importantly guys who can get to the quarterback. If I were the Falcons I would be looking to draft either Martrez Wilson from Illinois or Georgia's Justin Houston. Both are fast and extremely athletic who are also a little too big to stay at linebacker. Either one I think could be an outstanding OLB/DE in the 3-4 defense for the Falcons.

Rudolph is clearly the #1 tight end in this weak draft. His height and hands are excellent for a tight end and he would definitely be a favorite target of Matt Ryan. But I don't see him as a first round talent after his slow times at his Pro Day in South Bend (4.78 and 4.82). Plus he has injury issues and missed time in all 3 seasons at Notre Dame with the most significant one coming this past with a torn hamstring. I would much rather see the Falcons take the "safe pick" of Houston or Wilson and then hope Rudolph can be had in the 2nd round. Rudolph could be the next Greg Olsen/Rob Gronkowski but the injury history would scare me away from taking him in the 1st.

Who would you take if you were the Falcons?

Baltimore Orioles "Black and Orange" Video

No Buck references is kind of disappointing. The Orioles are still tied for the AL East lead with the New York Yankees but they are going to need some help with the starting pitching. You pretty much know what you are going to get out of Jeremy Guthrie and Brian Matusz. They are going to shell out a solid 6-7 innings a piece when Matusz comes back from the DL. What you don't know is just how well rookie phenom Zach Britton is going to pitch once teams have scouting reports on him. He could pitch like Jaime Garcia did last season or he could struggle. It's too early to tell. What we do know is that Jake Arrieta and Chris Tillman are barely holding on to starter spots if they continue to struggle with location and velocity. Both got rocked in their last starts (albeit against good hitting teams in the Rangers and Yankees) but if they can't keep the ball down and be more consistent from start-to-start there is little reason for me to believe they last in the rotation. The Orioles will only go as far as their starting rotation takes them. All the guys are young and still have a ton of potential. But do you really want to rely on young, unproven starters who are inconsistent in the rough and tough AL East? I didn't think so. President of baseball operations Andy MacPhail needs to be looking for at least one starter who some team is looking to dump for salary purposes. Or he could just sign C.C. Sabathia this offseason when he opts out of his contract. Both scenarios are not likely.

Arizona State's Sparky giving the old shocker salute

Sparky, the Arizona State mascot, giving the old shocker salute on a basketball ticket. Wow. Apparently it's some kind of tradition to give the shocker sign at Arizona State. With the coeds I've seen there I can understand the need for the shocker.

Image via SportsByBrooks

Kobe Bryant calls a referee a "Fuk-in F@g"

Well at least he didn't rape him. Right guys?

Don't Drink and Dive

I had no idea you could be knocked out by water. I guess you learn something new every day.

Drunk girl + water= knock out

Tom Brady cried when he found out Pia was eliminated from American Idol

It's okay Tom Brady. Pia Toscano will land back on her feet. She's too talented and good looking to let one little elimination on national television bring her down. We will get through this Brady. Now hold me. No. Down there.

Brilliant video via Tauntr.com

Charlie Weis is looking good in Gator colors

The tucked in polo with the jorts is making a comeback. Well actually it never left Gainesville. I got to hand it to new offensive coordinator Charlie Weis. He can pull it off. Unfortunately for the Florida football program Weis appearance isn't the only embarrassing sight on campus. The Florida offense with senior QB/huge disappointment John Brantley looked absolutely horrendous during their spring game. It took Brantley a while just to complete a pass. Like over a quarter. Brantley's performance during the Orange and Blue scrimmage didn't exactly bring confidence to an offense that struggled all season in 2010 to find an identity and the endzone. It could be a long season for Gator Nation.