Ndamukong Suh Will Eat His Own Pepperoni and Black Olives Face Thank You Very Much

You have seen Ndamukong Suh eat up Colt McCoy while in college and if you are a Detroit Lions fan (mercy on your souls) you saw Suh just dominate the shit out of the NFL during his rookie season. Now you can see Suh eat his own face thanks to Andy Gray over at SI. It's disturbing, gross and yet highly erotic if you enjoy pizza as much as I do.

P.S.-Can we get this fucking lockout over with already? If you are a billionaire owner and you are cutting office staff because of it then you sir are an asshole! The owners need to stop being greedy dicks. End of story.

Bill Stewart Has Been Snitchin' To The Media About Dana Holgorsen

Last week I told you about West Virginia's new offensive coordinator and head coach-in-waiting Dana Holgersen's drinking issues. This week we may have found out how the information about Holgersen's party lifestyle has been getting out to the press. West Virginia's own head coach Bill Stewart. Ruh fucking roh!

SB Nation's The Smoking Musket broke the story...

Jun 6, 2011 - Mock the trappings of Appalachia all you wish, college football fandom, but let it never be said that we mountain folk have lost the touch for high drama Shakespeare gave our forebears: Reports out of Morgantown are linking Bill Stewart (that's West Virginia head football coach Bill Stewart) to a newspaper reporter in Huntington, W. Va. who published an article alleging that Dana Holgorsen, Stewart's coach-in-waiting and offensive coordinator, has a lengthy history of alcohol-related run-ins, usually involving getting tossed out of casinos. That's Huntington, home of the Marshall Thundering Herd.

Some background on the personalities involved here: Holgorsen-as-dauphin was hilariously forced on Stewart by new AD Oliver Luck, who gave the Oklahoma State hotshot a year as OC to settle in and Stewart a year to shuffle out in a move that was already sure to make for an unbelievably awkward series of football Saturdays. The report that Holgorsen may have had as many as half a dozen previous unwanted encounters with gambling security and various local law enforcement types was as vigorously refuted by WVU as it was gleefully trumpeted by lesser Pittsburgh media outlets. Morgantown locals are abuzz with rumors of rampant, if understandable dissension amongst the reluctantly hybrid coaching staff, and just to make things interesting, our own West Virginia blog passes along some scuttlebutt that says Stewart may even be in the process of holding out on signing the new contract he agreed to with Luck. Just another pokey late spring in America's beautiful game.

Speaking of our West Virginia community, the Smoking Musket guys have been chasing this story since the very beginning, and they've got a wealth of details on this latest rich chapter in Mountaineer history over at their place. Pop some popcorn and head over for a cup of shine, won't you?

So Stewart is a snitch? What a fucking punk move if true. West Virginia University has reacted by putting Stewart's contract on hold while it investigates the leak according to the Charleston Daily. This is bound to create an unbearable friction amongst the coaching staff for a team I have projected to win the Big East with sleeper status as a BCS Title contender in 2011. I think we can assume Stewart has seen his last days of coaching pass him by. Stay tuned.

HT to MacG

Notre Dame gets 10 commitment in David Perkins

According to WSBT's David McCoy Notre Dame will pick up their 10 commitment in the class of 2012 with South Bend's own David Perkins choosing the Fighting Irish tomorrow morning.

A source close to Perkins tells WSBT that choice will be Notre Dame.

Perkins has scheduled an 11:20 a.m. news conference Tuesday to announce his decision. Washington coach Antwon Jones said Perkins' final five schools are Syracuse, Mississippi State, Iowa, Tennessee and Notre Dame.

At 6-foot-2, 210 pounds, Perkins is looked upon as a multi-position prospect. He plays both running back and linebacker for Washington.

Notre Dame came on late in the recruiting process, offering Perkins a scholarship on Thursday.

Perkins is listed as a 4 star recruit at outside linebacker (27th at his position) by Scout.com. He also has the versatility to play tailback and perhaps that is where Brian Kelly and the staff see his future. Notre Dame is extremely thin at the tailback position with starter Cierre Wood the only proven commodity who is also NFL Draft eligible after this season. In order for Notre Dame to be successful and I'm talking top 10 with BCS bowl wins they have to be able to run the ball effectively. Landing an elite tailback like a Keith Marshall or a Brian Kimbrow is paramount for this recruiting class.

Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis Crotch Grab MTV Movie Awards

You know in reality Justin Timberlake is banging her. He's the Derek Jeter of banging broads. He's literally gone through all of them. Janet Jackson? Yep. Britney Spears before she went mental? Yes sir. Cameron Diaz before she turned into Golum? Uh huh. Jessica Biel? His late night drunk call guarantee. There are a slew of other notches on his belt and the latest is Mila Kunis. She dumped Home Alone and is now running wild on guys like JT.

So the question is "do I envy Timberlake's life?" Of course. I'm not fucking gay.

Video via TheBigLead

The Guy F*cking Blake Lively Is Wearing A Certain Hat

You may have heard of the guy. His name is Leonardo Dicaprio. I think he was one of the Ninja Turtles. Anyways today he was spotted in a boat with Blake Lively (this time miraculously clothed...damn) in Italy and you want to know how he closed the deal with her? Yep. That fucking hat. You wear a ND hat and girls just drop their shit and jump your bones. I don't want to get into too many details but if you are a top notch high school football recruit (I'm talking to you Keith Marshall) you might want to start wearing the old Blue and Gold and just see what happens. Better yet just go ahead and enroll at Notre Dame. But only if you are a star recruit. We can't all be winners like Leonardo and myself.

Golf Clap For The SEC Doing The Right Thing With Signing Classes

All of the non-SEC fans want to talk about how some of the SEC schools like Bama and Ole Miss have unfair advantages with oversigning recruits. Today the SEC Conference did the right thing and voted to limit signing classes to 25 even though the coaches were against it. Sorry Nick Saban.

DESTIN, Fla. -- The Southeastern Conference has capped football signing classes at 25, a move coaches voted against and one that school presidents hope will be adopted across college football.

The powerful league, which will hand out an SEC-record $18.3 million in shared revenue to each of its 12 schools, had allowed up to 28 players to be signed annually.

They also voted to eliminating 7-on-7 camps on campuses and banned graduate students from transferring and being eligible to play immediately. In other words no more Jeremiah Masolis.

The question is how much will this hurt the SEC Conference in terms of football power? Probably not too much. Sure it will effect the Sabans of the conference. No longer can sign 30 plus guys and then put them on medical hardships or kick them out of school for a bull shit excuse. Saban will still find ways to get slaves...err...I mean more "student-athletes" in school despite the 25 max vote. How? How the fuck should I know, he's the Sabanator! Ask him.

Lebron James 4th Quarter Performance Reenacted By A Kid

Yep. Spot on. King James and the Miami Heat wilted, crumbled, and cried their way to losing a 15 point lead in the 4th quarter last night and let the Mavs tie up the series at 1 game all. It was the biggest choke job since the 1992 Finals when the Trail Blazers blew a 15 point 4th quarter lead to the Bulls. And just like this kid crying because he didn't get the right color bike we might soon see James tearing up if the Mavs pull the unthinkable and steal the NBA Title away. Viva la Dirk!

Video via Extra Mustard

Atlanta Braves Peter Moylan's ESPY Dress

Atlanta Braves reliever Peter Moylan has a little extra time on his hands being on the disabled list so he has taken to his Twitter to blow off some steam. And by steam I mean putting on a tight dress that clearly shows off his fabulous figure. What? The Aussie has a great figure. So sue me.

HT to Extra Mustard for the reminder on this Twitter pic.

Speaking of Twitter be sure to follow us. You better do it now!

Even More Blake Lively Nude Pics Leaked

Apparently actress Blake Lively has even more nude pictures yet to be released. Just a couple of days ago we got the first batch of NSFW pics. Her representation then came out and denied it's her which is bull shit. It's pretty obvious it's her phone, her face and most certainly her body. Case closed. And now apparently the people representing Lively have pissed off the guy who stole the pictures in the first place. And by guy I mean it's gotta be her right? She's leaking it.

Here are some more NSFW pics of Blake Lively via BarstoolSports

Willie Mays + SpiderMan = Adam Jones Catch Yesterday

Video via BigLeadSports

Slowly Baltimore Orioles center fielder is turning into the super star scouts projected when he was first drafted as a short stop in the Seattle Mariners organization. The fleet footed Jones aka Bazooka Jones made one of the best outfield catches I have ever seen. I don't think people realize how hard of a catch it was for Jones. He basically was going full force into the centerfield wall and yet still had enough concentration to make the catch while leaping to brace himself. To top it off he hit the game winning home run, went 3-4 at the plate and helped snapped a 5 game skid for the streaky O's who got a solid first start from ace Brian Matusz who just came off the DL. Not a bad day at the office for Jonesy.

Getting Ugly for Uggla

Image Courtesy of the AP

Matt and I were having a conversation the other day about Atlanta's most recent trade for perennial All Star Dan Uggla and I think we can all be honest, it's getting ugly. When Atlanta made the trade for the slugging 2nd baseman, no one would have guess he would be so, well, sluggish. Uggla is hitting .175, that's not even his weight.

The only comfort I take is that Omar Infante hasn't exactly had a great season, only batting .250 with 17 RBIs, our bullpen lefties are second to none, and Dan Uggla's defense has been absolutely spectacular. Still, we signed a clean up hitter, not expecting to have to clean up for him. Maybe the pressure of a lot of money is getting to him and if so, he's in the wrong profession.

Dave O'Brien talked yesterday on the Braves Blog on the AJC about Uggla getting slotted in the 7th hole and being benched twice in the last 7 games.

Gonzalez decided to “give him a breather” on Tuesday for the second time in seven games, using Uggla only as a pinch-runner for Chipper Jones late in the game.

The manager joked Wednesday that Uggla was too much of a “pain in the [rear]” pacing and fidgeting in the dugout to not play him in consecutive games.

“He’s your every-day second baseman,” Gonzalez said, on a serious note. “He can’t break out of that stuff sitting on the bench. There comes a point where you just give him a little mental rest and then run him back in there, let him play. He’s earned that.”

The Braves traded Omar Infante and left-handed reliever Mike Dunn to the Marlins for Uggla in November, then signed him to a five-year, $62 million contract extension before spring training, giving him the highest average annual salary ($12.4 million) for any second baseman.

Uggla averaged nearly 31 home runs and 93 RBIs in five seasons with the Marlins, including career-highs of 33 homers and 105 RBIs in 2010, when he also had personal bests in average (.287), on-base percentage (.369) and on-base-plus-slugging percentage (.877).

Before Wednesday, his .178 average this season was the second-lowest among National League qualifiers, and his .568 OPS was third-lowest. With runners in scoring position, his .118 average (6-for-51) was the third-lowest in the league.

The Braves got him to be the right-handed power hitter their lineup had lacked in recent years, but Uggla’s .115 average and .154 slugging percentage against lefties were the third-worst marks in the NL before Wednesday.

He had seven homers and 16 RBIs before Wednesday, including two homers and seven RBIs in May while batting .160 (16-for-100).

I, for one, still believe in Uggla and not just because his forearm is bigger than my leg. I personally like the guy. He works hard, he's a team first guy, he's as much of a blue collar player as there is in the game. He's just got to get out of his own head and go back to having fun playing baseball. In the end, I think Uggla will be more than worth his salary to the Braves, even if they do decide to package Uggla, Hanson, and Beachy to make a run at Albert Pujols. Hey, a guy can dream right?!?!?

Garcia gets another shot

Image courtesy of the Associated Press

Seriously, what in the hell is it going to take to get kicked out of USCe? Six chances? This kid has almost as many lives as Catwoman. Let's run through a list of suspensions:

1. Suspended for public drunkenness a month after enrolling in 2007.
2. Suspended for vandalizing a professor’s car two months after enrolling.
3. Suspended for underage drinking a year after that.
4. Suspended last March for having girls in his hotel room after curfew at the Chick-Fil-A Bowl.
5. Suspended a month later for drunken, disruptive behavior at an SEC-mandated leadership event.

Image Courtesy of the Associated Press

This has got to be a joke. As my buddy ECDawg of The Leather Helmet Blog (ps... read this... everyday Dawg fans) says "Garcia's longevity says more about Spurrier's failure to recruit another QB than it does about USCe disciplinary structure."

Chris Low on ESPN talks with Spurrier about Garcia getting another shot.

“One more, and he’ll be finished,” Spurrier said Wednesday.

For the record, Garcia has been suspended five times, including for all or parts of three spring practices.

His most recent suspension came after he became disruptive and was asked to leave an SEC-mandated life skills/leadership seminar in April. Garcia admitted to Spurrier that he’d been drinking prior to the event while celebrating a teammate’s birthday.

At the time, there were several associated with the program who felt Spurrier might send Garcia packing for good, especially considering how much Spurrier has publicly lamented Garcia’s lack of commitment and flimsy work ethic the past two years.

But Spurrier was singing a different tune Wednesday now that Garcia has been reinstated on a probationary basis for summer workouts.

“He’s made a life-change commitment,” Spurrier said. “He’s changed a lot about his life. He’s a changed person right now. Hopefully, he’ll stay that way.”

I have to agree with Matt Hayes for The Sporting News, Spurrier is enabling Garcia's behavior. I'd even go further, he's telling his recruits it's ok to be an alcoholic and destroy other people's lives. You can still play for me. We all make mistakes and we all get slapped on the wrist. How is this teaching this KIDS anything about the game of life? Check out more of Matt's article below:

And this is the player Spurrier has staked his reputation on? It’s so unbelievably out of character for a coach who — until this five-year joyride from Garcia — has never shied from disciplining star players for the smallest of mistakes.

Then again, it was strangely out of character for Jim Tressel to not forward a simple e-mail that would’ve saved his job and reputation.

Now, like it or not, Spurrier has hitched his legacy to a player who has been suspended more than any player in the history of college sports. I’m not exactly sure if that statement is 100 percent accurate, but has anyone in any sport been suspended five times?

Let me explain some Parenting 101 for the good folks in Columbia: If a child doesn’t fear consequences, he doesn’t fear doing the wrong thing. If you suspend a player five times, by the third time, the word “suspension” may as well mean “vacation.”

There’s no way around the reality of five suspensions. I don’t care the degree of the offenses or the manner in the way each was addressed.

This is the quarterback of the team, the extension of the coach; the one player who simply can’t do what he wants when he wants. The team follows his lead.

Football Just Needs To Get Here Already

I'm sick and tired of this fucking heat already and June just started. I need my football fix and I need it fast god damnit. The NFL owners need to stop being greedy assholes and renew the collective bargaining agreement and end the lockout. Let free agency begin. Now. And the college football season most definitely needs to get here fast before some other program is thrown to the NCAA wolves. While I like talking about the controversies I also like talking and watching the pigskin. In the meantime while my ball sweat drips down to my taint and slowly nestles in my hairy a-hole I will force you people to look at these pictures of Holly Madison throwing a pigskin. I know I'm such an asshole. A sweaty one apparently.

Go Irish!

Terrelle Pryor Undecided About Supplemental Draft

Seriously how in the holy hell is Ohio State Quarterback Terrelle Pryor undecided about entering the NFL Supplemental Draft? Do they not give away free rides in the pros? Oh that is why...

Via Adam Rittenberg's College Football Nation Blog...

As of now, Pryor remains an Ohio State Buckeye and only faces a five-game suspension at the start of the 2011 season. But a new NCAA investigation into Pryor and his use of cars -- coupled with the news that Pryor has been driving on a suspended license -- leave many wondering whether the quarterback has played his last down at Ohio State.

Now comes this tidbit from Willie Burns, Pryor's godfather and legal guardian, who tells colleague Joe Schad that Pryor is undecided about whether to enter the NFL's supplemental draft.
"He makes up his mind in a minute," Burns told Schad. "He says no one minute and then he may go the next."

The supplemental draft will take place in July if any players apply (none currently have). But Burns' quote indicates Pryor is considering the draft as an option.

The quarterback likely would only be eligible for the supplemental draft if his eligibility status at Ohio State changes. I hope whatever happens with Pryor and the NCAA, a solution is reached in time for the quarterback to enter the supplemental draft if it's his best recourse.

Listen TP. Your college career is over. It's as suspended as your license. Do the people of Columbus a favor and just get the hell out. We all know you aren't there for the education. You want to play football right? Well then move to Canada.

84 Egg Sandwich - Epic Meal Time

Could you imagine if you watched this in Africa? I can only imagine the looks you would receive. "What are you looking at toothpick?"

Via SI Extra Mustard

West Virginia's Dana Holgorsen Likes To Party

You know what they say. It takes a drunk to know a drunk. Well I have had my Ph.D secured for over a decade now and I can damn well tell you that Dana Holgorsen, West Virginia's new offensive coordinator and head coach-in-waiting, is as big as a drunk as there is. And now officials at West Virginia are getting worried.

Holgorsen has reportedly been involved in at least three and, perhaps, as many as six alcohol-related incidents in the last six months, according to multiple sources with knowledge of the situation.

The first five were hushed up, but the sixth incident at Mardi Gras Casino in Cross Lanes on May 18 has blown the cover off Holgorsen's embarrassing antics. Nitro police were called to the casino at about 3:20 a.m. on May 18 to remove an apparently intoxicated customer who didn't want to leave. Holgorsen was asked to step outside, sit on a bench and await a taxi. No charges were filed.

West Virginia school president James Clements is apparently not much of a partier and has considered Holgorsen's alcoholism/having a good time/behaving like a drunk college coed are not qualities he would consider as an outstanding reputation amongst the Mountaineers faithful. He has called on Athletic director Oliver Luck (father of Stanford QB Andrew) to keep a tight leash on Holgorsen or Luck will lose his job. Hmm, you wouldn't hear about this happening in Columbus. So Holgorsen is cleaning up like all good drunks do right? Not exactly.

The Intelligencer/Wheeling News-Register reported Saturday that Holgorsen allegedly was asked to leave both a bar inside Oglebay Park and, later, at Wheeling Island Hotel, Casino and Racetrack earlier this year.

Sources say there was also an incident at Pete Dye Golf Club in Bridgeport, W.Va., which involved Holgerson being told to leave and not come back. And, then, there are rumors of three incidents at the Morgantown hotel in which he lives, including being banned from the hotel bar.

Dude, how do you get fucking banned from the hotel bar? Apparently Holgorsen is close to hitting rock bottom. Nothing says drunk asshole then "guy who is not allowed to drink at the hotel anymore" tagged on you.

So what do you take from this story? Holgerson likes to drink and gamble and get kicked out of casinos. I think I just found my new best friend.

Shaq Retired Today...What A Second, Shaq Was Still Playing?

I could have sworn Shaq retired like 4 seasons ago. I don't follow the NBA religiously because it gets in the way of my alcoholism but I thought Shaq was done when he left the Miami Heat. I just now realized he played on the Boston Celtics last year. Fuck I'm so out of it. Well after 19 seasons Shaq is hanging up his size 23 shoes (you remember the Reebok Pumps? I had a pair) and going off into the sunset. Actually the big guy is more apt at creating an eclipse but you get the point. So what is next for Shaq? I'm going to say reality star. The guy will appear on The Apprentice or whatever other reality show will pay for his appearance and show off his goofy ass smile. The big guy lives an extravagant lifestyle so I'm sure we will be hearing an Antoine Walker-like tale in a few years about how he lost all his Benjamins. Maybe he can tour with the Fu Schnikins? What's up Doc?

THE NEW VEST IN PEACE O$U JIM TRESSEL SHIRT

This is probably the greatest smack talk t-shirt of all-time. No kidding. We call it the "VEST IN PEACE" shirt and already shirts are selling in the hundreds. This shirt is already a classic and it's not even a couple of hours old.

The front of the shirt is a traditional sweatervest gravestone with "VEST IN PEACE LIAR LIAR VEST ON FIRE 2001-2011 COLUMBUS, OHIO" etched on it.

On the back of the shirt it says "Tressel DOTTING THE i IN LIAR O$U $UCKEYE$."

You can get your very own shirt by ordering here at SportsCrack.com

Also available in RED for all the Nebraska and Wisconsin Fans...

Take A Deep Breath: Blake Lively Nude Pictures Leaked

Some people remember exactly where they were when Kennedy was shot or when they lost their virginity. Today I will remember exactly where I was when Gossip Girl star and currently Leonard Dicaprio's latest notch on the belt Blake Lively's nude pictures leaked on the internet. Obviously these pictures are NSFW and obviously they are fucking awesome. Click on the pictures to get the uncensored versions. Welcome to the summer heat! USA! USA! USA!



Blake Lively NSFW Nude Shot
Blake Lively NSFW Nude Shot 2
Blake Lively NSFW Nude Shot 3

NBA Finals Prediction

Before the season started we all kind of knew the best team in the NBA would be the Miami Heat. Sure we hated the way they were assembled with Lebron James doing an ESPN Special for a hour while slowly tearing out the collective heart of Clevelanders. It was unnecessary but once Chris Bosh signed too we figured the Heat were the odds-on favorites to win the Title. What we didn't know was how much they would struggle against winning ballclubs during the regular season. Literally the Heat sucked against teams like the Lakers, Mavericks, Celtics, Magic, etc. But now they are playing their best basketball and have advanced rather easily to the NBA Finals.

With the Heat in the Finals there is little doubt in my mind they win this series versus the Dallas Mavericks.

Dirk Nowitzki has played incredible throughout the playoffs and pretty much has put Dallas on his German shoulders. But now we have reached the Finals and the Heat just have too much star power. You know Dwayne Wade is going to play like a NBA Finals MVP. You know Lebron is going to be hustling his ass off and will be lockdown on defense. And you know Chris Bosh will be the glue that gets some key rebounds and scores some big time baskets inside.

Tonight I will take Dallas beating the +4.5 as dogs on the road.

Prediction: Heat 97 Mavericks 94

In the series I got the Heat winning in 6. It pays out 5.5.