SportsCrack Blog

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Top 10 Funniest Athlete Names

First off I’d like to say that this has probably been done several times already online, but I came across some funny names this morning while surfing the net, and I had the idea of creating a top ten list of funny sports star names. I could have made a top 50, or even a list of 100 names, but I narrowed it down to my personal favorites. Feel free to reply to this and leave some of your favorite names.

10. Dick Butkus: (Da Bears) When I was a kid I really thought his name was Dick Buttkiss. I’m sure he took shit from nearly all his opponents, but I’m also sure he probably leveled their ass two seconds later.

9. Skeets Quinlan: (RB LA Rams) According to, the word skeet means, “ To shoot your man juice up on your bitch.” Looks like Papa Quinlan forgot to skeet all over Mama Quinlan.

8. Dick Trickle: (Stock Car Racer) Not only does this name bring about crude imagery, it is also a perfect name for a redneck’s sport, I mean, game.

7. Ben Gay: (RB NFL) This guy got screwed twice with his name. On one hand he is named after a popular sports medicine cream, and on the other hand his name is just plain gay. I am a firm believer that names have a big influence on how that person’s life ends up. This guy has been bogged down in crime, and had a very shitty 1 season career after being dubbed “The Legend.”

6. Craphonso Thorpe: (WR Colts etc…) What a crappy name!

5. Natalie Titcum: (Olympic Softballer) I had to have a woman make the list, and this name is an Australian classic.

4. Harry Colon: (DB Detroit Lions) I’ve heard of a hairy ass, but a hairy colon? Ugh!

3. Rusty Kuntz: (MLB player) A little known fact: Rusty Kuntz was on the 1984 World Series winning Detroit Tigers team. He was also the inventor of the popular sex act, “The Rusty Trombone.”

2. Johnny Dickshot: (MLB Player) Good ole Johnny Dickshot was a quick coming outfielder for several teams from 1936-1945. In the bedroom Johnny was infamous for his Dickshots! I hear he used to hang out with the Quinlan family quite a bit.

1. Ron Tugnutt (NHL Goalie) and Lucious Pusey (NCAA Football): Okay, Okay, I know this is supposed to be a top 10 list, but I couldn’t decide between these 2 classic names. You know Ron Tugnutt heard a lot of smack talk about his name on the ice, but it seems Pusey let it get to him, as he changed his name to Lucious Seymour. He should have changed his name to Seymour Pusey. At least then he could have gotten in to porn after his illustrious career at Eastern Illinois.


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