THE NEW VEST IN PEACE O$U JIM TRESSEL SHIRT

This is probably the greatest smack talk t-shirt of all-time. No kidding. We call it the "VEST IN PEACE" shirt and already shirts are selling in the hundreds. This shirt is already a classic and it's not even a couple of hours old.

The front of the shirt is a traditional sweatervest gravestone with "VEST IN PEACE LIAR LIAR VEST ON FIRE 2001-2011 COLUMBUS, OHIO" etched on it.

On the back of the shirt it says "Tressel DOTTING THE i IN LIAR O$U $UCKEYE$."

You can get your very own shirt by ordering here at SportsCrack.com

Also available in RED for all the Nebraska and Wisconsin Fans...

Take A Deep Breath: Blake Lively Nude Pictures Leaked

Some people remember exactly where they were when Kennedy was shot or when they lost their virginity. Today I will remember exactly where I was when Gossip Girl star and currently Leonard Dicaprio's latest notch on the belt Blake Lively's nude pictures leaked on the internet. Obviously these pictures are NSFW and obviously they are fucking awesome. Click on the pictures to get the uncensored versions. Welcome to the summer heat! USA! USA! USA!



Blake Lively NSFW Nude Shot
Blake Lively NSFW Nude Shot 2
Blake Lively NSFW Nude Shot 3

NBA Finals Prediction

Before the season started we all kind of knew the best team in the NBA would be the Miami Heat. Sure we hated the way they were assembled with Lebron James doing an ESPN Special for a hour while slowly tearing out the collective heart of Clevelanders. It was unnecessary but once Chris Bosh signed too we figured the Heat were the odds-on favorites to win the Title. What we didn't know was how much they would struggle against winning ballclubs during the regular season. Literally the Heat sucked against teams like the Lakers, Mavericks, Celtics, Magic, etc. But now they are playing their best basketball and have advanced rather easily to the NBA Finals.

With the Heat in the Finals there is little doubt in my mind they win this series versus the Dallas Mavericks.

Dirk Nowitzki has played incredible throughout the playoffs and pretty much has put Dallas on his German shoulders. But now we have reached the Finals and the Heat just have too much star power. You know Dwayne Wade is going to play like a NBA Finals MVP. You know Lebron is going to be hustling his ass off and will be lockdown on defense. And you know Chris Bosh will be the glue that gets some key rebounds and scores some big time baskets inside.

Tonight I will take Dallas beating the +4.5 as dogs on the road.

Prediction: Heat 97 Mavericks 94

In the series I got the Heat winning in 6. It pays out 5.5.

Rugby Fan Gone Topless

I'm intentionally avoiding the Atlanta Thrashers moving to Winnipeg story because honestly it just infuriates me too much so I figured I would post things that don't irritate me. Namely boobs. Oh yeah. Much better now.

Top 23 Air Jordans Presented By Playboy

I've never owned a pair of Air Jordan kicks. Now Playboys are a different story. What? I like the articles.

Softball? Not Exactly

I didn't even know this kind of shit was possible. Saturday's Baylor vs. Georgia softball game saw catcher Clare Hosack take one right off the face in the super regional game in Athens. It's not the first time a chick has taken one off the face in Athens. Zing!

Derek Dooley On The College Scandals

Tennessee Volunteers head football coach Derek Dooley was asked today by Clay Travis on what he tells his coaches about college scandals. His response was short but oh so sweet.

"If we get fired around here, it better be for losing ballgames."

It's Official: Terrelle Pryor Is Fucking Retarded

CREDIT: WBNS-TV COLUMBUS / DAN FRONCZAK by sportsxbrooks

This feels like one of those Saturday Night Live sketches. I mean REALLY? Your head coach just resigned because of issues with players getting cars and what do you show up in Terrelle Pryor? A fucking Nissan with dealer plates.

Smacks heads and laughs out loud. There is dumb. Then there is Terrelle Pryor dumb.

Buckeye Nation wants to put the blame on Roy Small for being a snitch. Well at least he doesn't flaunt it like Pryor does.

Video via SportsByBrooks

The Buckeyes Are Fucked

George Dohrmann's Sports Illustrated Investigation on the Ohio State Buckeyes football program was the final nail in the coffin for head coach Jim Tressel but it's really just the start of future sanctions.

For too long now Tressel has buried his head in the sand and let his players run amok with shady boosters, dirty tattoo parlors, and fast talking car salesmen while racking up the most important stat in college football: wins. In Dohrmann's article he reveals it was not just a few select players who bent the NCAA rules which Tressel and athletic director Gene Smith (who should also be fired) wanted everyone to believe. It was as much the players fault (at least 28 OSU players are alleged to have traded or sold memorabilia for either tattoos, money, cars or marijuana) as it was Tressel and the compliance office at Ohio State. It was a systematic disregard of the NCAA rules.

In four words: lack of institutional control.




The NCAA has already hammered USC for the Reggie Bush fiasco and stripped away the Heisman, National Championship, along with 30 scholarships and future bowl games. If Ohio State wants to avoid a stiffer penalty they need to stop pretending it never happened.

With Tressel's resignation it really is just the first domino to fall. Tressel is the first fall guy. Don't get me wrong the guy is a wolf dressed is a sweatervest hiding behind his "Christian" values shtick. But this goes to everyone around that football program. From the businesses to the boosters to the athletic director. The AD Smith should be fired or resign immediately. If Ohio State wants to save face and show they are not just another program gone rogue they need to clean house now. Not two months from now. Not a year from today. Right now.

The first order of business for Ohio State is a self imposed bowl suspension for at least this season. The Buckeyes already have 5 vital players suspended for the first 5 games of the season. Sure they could make a run for the Big Ten Championship but in all likelihood it will just be vacated later.

The second order of business is to suspend quarterback Terrelle Pryor for good. He should never wear a Buckeyes uniform again. Ever since his recruitment with his brand new Corvette Pryor has been pictured around campus driving at least 8 different cars with dealer tags on them. It's fairly obvious that Pryor has been taking handouts from anybody who offers. It's only a matter of time before the NCAA finds out Pryor has gotten Reggie Bush-like perks while in Columbus. If the Buckeyes want to wipe the slate clean they need to get rid of the shit.

The third order of business is to get a new compliance department. They haven't done their job. Plain and simple. It just amazes me how they couldn't know any of this stuff was happening especially when it involves your highest profile athletes and coach.

In conclusion if I were the Buckeyes and wanted to avoid any potential "death penalty" I would consider the 2011 season a probation season. If they self impose at least a one year postseason ban (no Big Ten Championship game or bowl game) and reduce scholarships by 15 over the next 3 years then I think they have a shot at getting past any possible future sanctions from the NCAA. But if they refuse to acknowledge the fact that they have continued to break NCAA rules and want to put all the blame on Tressel then they are going to get hammered by the NCAA.

Either way the Buckeyes football program is fucked in the short term. But if they have dreams of landing Urban Meyer in the future then 2011 needs to be a year of admitting your faults and sobering up while wiping the slate clean completely. Will it happen? Probably not. They are nuts after all up there.

Dick Move By Mike Bibby

I know in the grand scheme of things what Miami Heat's point guard Mike Bibby did isn't that big of a deal but it's still a dick move. You are a professional athlete. Act like one. Derrick Rose probably would have missed the free throw even without Bibby's throwing the towel because Rose is no Dirk.

I know Derrick Rose got the MVP and he had a tremendous regular season so I don't want to take anything away from that but he looked like shit this entire playoffs. Sure he has some brilliant plays and dunks but his shooting was terrible. I wouldn't even put him in the Allen Iverson class yet. At least Iverson could shoot 50% and hit his free throws. If Rose had a good series vs. the Heat then there is little doubt in my head the Bulls are in the Finals.

By the way I would love to see Bibby pulls this shit in Dallas with Dirk at the line. I can already see Mark Cuban clothes lining the asshole.

Nice Set of Melons Hillary Duff

Hillary Duff was showing off her Sobe melons at some stupid challenge thing a ma jig in New York City. Seriously what the fuck is Sobe? Is it one of those dumb tea drinks? I fucking hate tea. I'd rather drink water from the men's urinal then have tea. It's fucking leaf water. Disgusting.

Scale of 1-to-10 about how dirty Hillary Duff is in the sack. I'm going to go 8.5. She has to be pretty freaky to stay married to a professional athlete.

Buster Posey Suffers Broken Leg And Ligament Damage, Cue Overreacting SportsWriters With New Rules

Last night in the top of the 12th inning in a tie ball game between the Giants and the Marlins with one out and runners on the corners the Marlins Emilio Bonifacio hit a lazy fly ball to shallow right center field. The Marlins Scott Cousins was tagging at third and came barreling down on Giants catcher Buster Posey trying to knock the ball loose for what would be the winning go-ahead run.

As you can see the ball never stuck in Posey's mitt and in the process Buster got taken out while his left ankle/leg snapped during the collision with Cousins. Immediately you could tell something was wrong. Posey was in sheer pain. Not only did he break his leg but he also tore some ligaments around his left ankle. Essentially the Giant's lost their most valuable player for the season. The reigning Rookie of the Year who bats cleanup for the defending World Series Champions. It's a huge blow no doubt and there is a chance we never see Posey behind the dish ever. But can we please stop sportswriters from trying to put the blame on a clean play. Cue Rob Neyer...

It should be considered a dirty play, though.

And I'm not the only one. From one Buster this morning, we have a perfectly reasonable reaction from another Buster's agent:

Posey's agent, Jeff Berry, said Thursday morning he is going to reach out to Joe Torre, leader of on-field operations for Major League Baseball, and raise the idea of changing the rules regarding plays at the plate.

Over time, it is has become accepted practice for catchers to block home plate, and for baserunners to launch themselves into catchers.

"You leave players way too vulnerable," Berry said. "I can tell you Major League Baseball is less than it was before [Posey's injury]. It's stupid. I don't know if this ends up leading to a rule change, but it should. The guy [at the plate] is too exposed.

"If you go helmet to helmet in the NFL, it's a $100,000 fine, but in baseball, you have a situation in which runners are [slamming into] fielders. It's brutal. It's borderline shocking. It just stinks for baseball. I'm going to call Major League Baseball and put this on the radar. Because it's just wrong."

Of course it's wrong. Baseball was not designed, and is not best played, as a contact sport.

Neyer cites what Posey's agent thinks about the play and I don't understand what the point is. Berry of course is going to have a strong opinion against catchers being taken out because he just saw his number one client and a potential huge commission check literally break in half as soon as Posey's leg crumpled underneath him. It sucks but it's part of the game and again it was a clean play by Cousins.

Baseball for the most part is not a contact sport. But there is always a risk when you put on the catcher's gear. It's not for the faint of heart. Posey knew the risk of choosing his path as a backstop. Catchers take a beating every night. But to ask MLB to change the rules because somebody got hurt is dumb. I take it the next time a player gets injured while being taken out at second base trying to break up the double play then we should change the rules according to Neyer? How about we don't allow pitchers to hit batters anymore because of potential risk?

There is no way MLB will give Neyer's argument the time of day. At least I hope so.

South Park Has A Little Something For The "Non-Profit" NCAA

Last night's South Park was pure brilliance. You have Cartman starting a Crack Baby Athletic Association in which him and Kyle make money off the crack babies but don't pay them. They get a deal with EA Sports to use the images and likenesses of the crack babies. Again they don't have to give anything back to the crack babies except for the opportunity to play in the league. Sound familiar? Cartman starts to refer to his "student-athletes" as slaves in a hysterical plantation owner's Louisiana accent while in a meeting with the University of Colorado President.


Are you a recruiting nut like myself? Well Cartman and Butters turn into full blown recruiters for unborn crack babies. "I can not offer you any cash...I can offer you though some crack!" Sounds like what coaches offer recruits. We will give you Nike clothing and cars but no money. It's unethical.

Crack Baby Athletic Association
Tags: SOUTH
PARKEric Cartman,Kyle Broflovski,more...

In the end the South Park kids get screwed over by EA Sports, a major corporation who makes hundreds of millions off of the "student-athletes" while the slaves get nothing. Chances of EA Sports suing South Park for slander after seeing this clip? I'm going to say 90%. Fucking lawyers.

Crack Baby Athletic Association
Tags: SOUTH
PARKEric Cartman,Kyle Broflovski,more...

Big ass hat tip to Trey Parker and Matt Stone for tackling the NCAA issues.


You can watch the full episode here.

USC Trojans Denied Appeal By The NCAA

The dirty filthy Trojans of USC were hoping to get off sanctions with an appeal to the NCAA. Well those dickheads found out today that their appeal has been denied. USC will be on probation and will still lose 30 football scholarships plus they can't play in a bowl game according to USCFootball.com.

Wednesday, according to multiple sources inside and outside the university, the final decision of the NCAA's Infractions Appeals Committee was in hand and being reviewed by USC before its Thursday release by the NCAA.

And it's not good news for USC football.

Despite speculation and media reports that there might be a willingness on the part of the NCAA to listen favorably to a USC appeal that had asked that the 30 scholarships lost over three years with a maximum of 75 allowed and a two-year postseason bowl ban be cut in half, USCFootball.com's sources indicate that USC's appeal has been denied completely.

The Trojans football team will be allowed to sign no more than 15 players to scholarships for the next three seasons (against a top limit of 25 for schools not under sanction).

And of even more immediate impact, USC would not be able to compete for the first-ever Pac-12 championship or appear in the first-ever postseason championship game in 2011 as well.

Of further concern, the NCAA's unprecedented additional sanction allowing players affected by the postseason ban this year to immediately transfer to another institution without sitting out a season would still be in play for this year's seniors.

It's a good thing head coach Lane Kiffin keeps selling recruits his blatant lies about the sanctions being removed. With USC football being irrelevant for the next 5 or so years (one could argue it was irrelevant as soon as they hired Kiffin) it will be interesting to see how the power shifts west of the Mississippi River. We all know Texas was down last season and Oklahoma plays like shit in the BCS Bowls for the most part so is this the opportunity for a school like Oregon to take full advantage of USC's plight and start dominating the West Coast? I think so. They already stole 5 star recruit and admitted USC fan De'Anthony Thomas from the Trojan's backyard last season. Oregon is the new USC.

Suck it Trojans!

It's So Hard To Say Good Bye To Oprah Winfrey

I can just see it now. Tate Forcier wondering who Oprah Winfrey is. Come to think of it maybe I wish I was as dumb as Forcier.

Tate Forcier Obviously Is Geographically Illiterate

Now we know why Tate Forcier flunked out of Michigan last season. The sophomore who started all 12 games for the Wolverines during his freshman season but saw limited time as a sophomore thanks to Shoelace transferred from Michigan and was supposedly headed to Miami. That is before he looked at a map and realized "Da U" is on the exact opposite coast of where he would like to be playing. There is no reason for me to explain any further. Here is what the "student" athlete had to say in regards to his transfer....

"I just didn't feel comfortable and wanted to be closer to home," Forcier said. "Miami is completely on the other side of the country. It would have been fun playing there. But I just wanted to be closer so my parents can afford to come to the games."

Ok that would make sense. He wants to be close to family and it had nothing to do with playing time or not getting along with new Miami head coach Al Golden who doesn't put up with me-first attitudes. It's all about geography and being close to California. So what school is he looking at now you ask?

"I'm looking into Auburn," Forcier said.

Seriously? How did this 'tard ever qualify to play at Michigan? Last time I checked Auburn was in Alabama. It's not exactly a short car ride away from California. You never go full retard Tate. Never.

WTF is Ray Lewis talking about?

Now I'm definitely convinced he killed those guys in Buckhead. If anyone wants to know what the rapture looks like then just stare in Lewis' eyes for a moment. The greatest middle linebacker to ever play in the NFL thinks in all honesty the lockout is going to lead to an increase in crime. What the fuck is he talking about? Personally I don't agree with him. Now would I say that to his face? Hell no! I value my life.

In conclusion Ray Lewis is a bat shit crazy dude who is bound to go on a crime spree if the NFL Lockout doesn't end. Your move owners.

Kim Kardashian is engaged to Nets Forward Kris Humphries

Who the fuck is Kris Humphries? Apparently he plays for the New Jersey Nets and is engaged to Kim Kardashian. That's who. The reality star who is famous for her sex tape with Ray J (NSFW link) and who dated Reggie Bush before meeting Humphries is now engaged to some guy I had never heard of before today. They have only been dating for six months and he is about two feet taller than she is. It should work out well between these two lovebirds. She got the athlete and he doesn't need to worry about spreading any NBA STD's since Kim already has them. Just another fairy tale story.

Barry Bonds Is Actually A Good Guy

Forget about the smug attitude. Forget about the huge head that orbits our Earth which was caused by cow steroids. Forget about the surliness and the fact that most of his teammates couldn't stand him let alone the general public. Forget about all that because...wait for it...Barry Bonds is actually a good guy.

Bonds has agreed to pay for the college educations of the two young children of San Francisco Giants fan Bryan Stow, the single father who was beaten into a coma at Dodgers Chavez Ravine Stadium after Opening Night. Yes sir, Bonds, despite all his legal troubles is willing to stick his own neck out for two kids he doesn't even know.

Well, here's a move that both sides should finally be able to agree on: Bonds has pledged to pay any future college bills for the two grade-school age children of Bryan Stow, the single father and San Francisco Giants fan who was beaten into a coma by two men after attending the opening night game at Dodger Stadium on March 31.
That little heartwarming nugget was revealed by Stow's attorney Thomas Girardi — and first reported by NBC Bay Area — as he announced a lawsuit against the Los Angeles Dodgers on Tuesday for allegedly providing inadequate security at the stadium that night.
Girardi said that donations already made by generous fans of the Giants, Dodgers and other teams will be passed onto other charities if their lawsuit is successful. But the hefty gift from Bonds? Well, that means so much to Stow's family that it's the one they definitely plan on keeping.
One of the coolest parts about this donation is that Bonds made it over a month ago when he visited Stow in a southern California hospital on April 22. No mention was made to the media then and it looks like it would have still been a secret had Girardi not revealed it to the media. Even if you've always been a Bonds hater, there's no way you can say this wasn't done for all the right reasons.

I'm as big of a Bonds hater as anybody but even this story made me change my view on the embattled slugger. I'm still not giving him a pass for juicing and I'm certainly not endorsing him for Cooperstown but I am endorsing him as a good human being. Bonds didn't have to do anything for Stow and his children. He didn't even want the media coverage. But he got both done and I say bravo to Bonds. You earned a tip of the hat from SportsCrack today.

The Navy Seal Who Killed Osama Bin Laden Has Been Revealed

The Navy Seal Who Killed Osama Bin Laden from Rob Riggle

It's about fucking time we found out who the Navy Seal was. An American Hero? Fuck yeah.

TONIGHT'S NBA LOCK!

Everybody, and I mean everybody in the free world is jumping all over the Heat's nuts these days. Yes it is true the Heat have come back and won games 2 and 3 in very impressive fashion to steal away the Bull's home court advantage. But those two games don't mean shit when looking at game 4. The Bulls basically have their collective backs to the wall. They know if they don't win tonight in Miami the series is for all intended purposes over. Win tonight and the series is tied 2-2. I could see Miami being a 3 point favorite but right now 5 is just too much. I think Derrick Rose shows why he was the MVP and outplays Wade, Lebron, and Bosh all by himself. I not only like the Bulls to beat the spread but also win outright. Get to your bookie now and lay everything down on the Bulls. You can thank me tomorrow morning.

Prediction: Bulls 89 Heat 86 (Bulls +5)

Randy "Macho Man" Savage as a baseball player

Many people didn't realize WWF legend Randy "Macho Man" Savage was a minor leaguer before getting into the ring. Like myself growing up Randy dreamed of one day playing Major League Baseball. SI.com's Jeff Pearlman has a great article on the Macho Man and his baseball playing career. He never quite made it to the Show but it's funny to see him in the above picture as a member of the St. Louis Cardinals organization as a catcher. Later on he would be a little more clean cut with the Reds organization. I think he made the right career choice in wrestling after baseball fizzled out. OH YEAH!



Via BigLeadSports

Dan Adler pulls a Rudy reference

Dan Adler is a sneaky son of a bitch. He knows how the movie score of Rudy pulls the heart strings alone but no, he has to go out and get Sean Astin himself to play the Rock role. Game. Set. Match. Adler has already won a seat in Congress. Book that shit. Californians voted The Sperminator in office for God's sake.

Plus Dan Adler gets shit done!

Bikini Contest Fail

Graceful like a swan covered in oil.

Pinata Fail

See what happens when you make racial jokes in grammar school? Oh yeah I'm sure it was just an "accident." He just happened to let the stick slip out of his hand. I'm sure this kid will stop calling him "Toby" from now on.

What the fuck is that? Oh...just another Man-Child

Seriously what the fuck is that? It's like a giant baby freak. I'm almost positive Dick Vitale is a Tampa Bay Rays fan so there is no way it's him. Some people are scared of the dark and some are scared of death but holy shit I've got a brand new fear: Man Child.

Oh and if that's a mask it's the best one ever. It's too life-like. It's a good thing I'm writing this blog on the can because this guy literally just scared the shit out of me.

Kyle Singler Trick Shot Video

Now I am just getting sick of these trick shot videos. Maybe it's just because it's a Duke player and it's the one guy who looks like he could be a James Bond villian. I will give Kyle Singler some credit though. The jumping off the Olympic diving board and sinking one was pretty cool but the one off the top of the church is pretty incredible. I'm sure it took a shitload of misses before sinking one. Probably not nearly as many flops as he took in college. Anyways, fuck Duke!

Joakim Noah loses it, screams F*ck you F*ggot to Miami Heat fan

Talk about losing a series in three words. The Bulls are crumpling faster than origami and Joakim Noah is leading the charge. Well actually Derrick Rose has been anything but a MVP in this series so far. But it still doesn't excuse Noah from shouting out "Fuck you Faggot!" to a Miami Heat fan. Kobe Bryant had to pay a hefty fine for shouting it at an official. One can only imagine the fine will be much steeper for Noah considering he is yelling at a fan and it's in the Eastern Conference Finals.

Tom Brady loves his water slides

Come on Tom Brady. You are 3-time Super Bowl Champion QB and married to a fucking supermodel. Will you please act like one? I don't even need audio here to imagine what you sound like going down this water slide in Mexico. You remember Chris Tucker's character in The Fifth Element? If not then here is a refreshment for your bong and hops filled head.



Via ONTD

Three Way The Golden Rule by Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg

God I love these Color Me Badd-like sketches from SNL's Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake. "Dick in the Box" was a classic. It still makes me laugh out loud. Now they got a "Three Way" going with Lady Gaga. Fucking brilliant. I still won't watch SNL since it's oh about 15 years past it's prime but if they keep producing these Digital Shorts with Timberlake I might have to change my mind.

Your Mom says hi! Jinx!

Cam Newton is a Justin Bieber fan

This is the moment where I changed my mind about Cam Newton. I've gone on record saying big Cam will be a collassal bust in the NFL. It's not necessarily his fault. The team that drafted him is in shambles and he doesn't have much for weapons. Take a look at what happened to Jimmy Clausen last season and Cam doesn't have Jimmy's accuracy. But now after seeing Cam sing Bieber's Baby Baby song I'm all in. Anybody that has the cojones to sing that shit out loud isn't afraid of anything.

Via It's Always Sunny in Detroit

R.I.P. RANDY MACHO MAN SAVAGE

The World lost a brilliant entertainer today with the news that WWF legend Randy "Macho Man" Savage died in a car accident. Macho Man was right up there with Hulk Hogan, Sergeant Slaughter, Sting, Andre The Giant, Ultimate Warrior, and Rowdy Roddy Piper as my favorite wrestler back in the 80's. He became a brand with the Snap into a Slim Jim commercials and his "OOOOOOHHHHHH YYYEEEEAAAAHHHH!!!!"

I will have to pour one out tonight for the Macho Man. And yes I will be betting and rooting for Mucho Macho Man at tomorrow's Preakness Stakes. It got to be that horses destiny to win before the Rapture.

THE MCCLUTCH SHIRT

This new shirt may look a little familiar. In honor of the past time's current best clutch hitter we decided to make a shirt and call it "McClutch." This is the kind of shirt that will no doubt get you laid at The Ted. I'm serious. Not even the best roofies will be any match for the McClutch shirt. Girls will literally drop their panties in the the presence of McClutch. If you don't believe me then you have to see it for yourself and order one. For the low price of $17 you can be McClutch.

The McClutch Shirt order here!

Andre Ethier with the ole double bird salute

You gotta just love baseball players. You would think they would learn something from the recent Roger McDowell gay slur and bat gesture in San Francisco but apparently Los Angeles Dodger outfielder Andre Ethier didn't get the memo. Here you can see him giving the old #1 salute to a group of photographers at Chavez Ravine. Apparently MLB will investigate the matter. When asked for comment Bud Selig mumbled "Who's Andre Ethier?"

Dick Joke

A dick has a sad life: His hair is a mess, his neighbor's an asshole, his family is nuts, his bestfriend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.

Vancouver hockey fan flashes Ben Eager

Now that is what you call some good ole' Canadian fun...bags. San Jose Shark's left winger Ben Eager was just minding his own business in the penalty box at Rogers Arena when some young blonde in her Henrik Sedin Canucks jersey decided to flash him. Not only did she win for showing off her Canadian sweater puppets but the Sedin twins combined for two goals in an easy 7-3 victory to give themselves a 2-0 series lead. Winning.

Video via BigLeadSports

7th Grade QB Trick Shot Video

Paging Brian Kelly. Paging Brian Kelly. 5 years from now after you have won your third National Championship at Notre Dame you might want to pay this kid; Gunnar Legas of Provo, Utah; a visit. This kid is already making throws I can only dream of when I'm passed out drunk. It's all about dreams kids till you get older and wake up with piss all over yourself. Again. But seriously Kelly you need to give Gunnar a call before he ends up with those degenerate Mormons.

Evan Longoria has good hands

Yeah I know it's fake but it's still cool. It's like those old Gatorade commercials with Michael Vick throwing the football out of the stadium. The only difference between the two commercials is Longoria kills road beef while Vick kills puppies.

BRIAN MCCLUTCH!!!!

Just your typical pinch hit, game tying solo shot with two outs in the 9th to send it to extras. But Brian McCann wasn't done. If you know anything about McCann's game it's the clutch factor in him. He's done it his whole career. The 5-time All-Star then comes up in the 11th inning and hits a walk-off 2 run blast that could be felt all the way to Stone Mountain.

Brian McFuckingClutch!

Braves win!

2011 Heisman Trophy Odds are Interesting

We are still over a 100 days left till the college football season kicks off but what better way to do argue about the mundaneness of the offseason then to look at the current odds for the Heisman Trophy.

To win the Heisman Trophy doesn't require you to be the most outstanding player in the nation anymore. In fact it hasn't been that way for over 20 years now. It requires you to be a quarterback and in some cases a running back for one of the top 3 teams in the nation at the end of the season. 9 of the last 11 winners have been QBs with the exceptions of Reggie Bush (vacated in 2005) and Mark Ingram (2009) who both played in BCS National Championship games. So with Vegas odds out now at such sites as SportsInteraction.com be sure to calculate the chances of your favorite player actually getting to a National Championship game into consideration before throwing down your second mortgage on a college kid.

Here are the favorites:

Andrew Luck +300 - Luck deserves to be the odds on favorite since he is the best quarterback in the nation and is probably the best player in the country regardless of position. In order for Luck to win it he will need to get Stanford back to a BCS Bowl game and if recent history indicates anything he will need to have them playing for the championship. With their two toughest games at home vs Oregon and Notre Dame there is a decent chance Stanford goes undefeated during the regular season in the new Pac-12. If Luck can stay healthy and the Stanford defense steps up and goes undefeated then it's his to lose.

Denard Robinson +500 - Shoelace is probably the best athlete in the country and last season he became the first ever player in NCAA history to run and pass for over 1500 yards in a season. With that being said he really has no chance of winning the award. Michigan will most certainly not be contending for any kind of championship this season under new head coach Brady Hoke. Shoelace also has to learn a brand new offense which is more West Coast then option run first under coach Rich Rod.

Marcus Lattimore +500 - Since Tim Tebow and Sam Bradford won the Heisman as sophomores it is no longer a taboo to think an underclassman could win the award. Still I don't think arguably the nation's best running back has much of a chance of winning the Heisman playing on South Carolina. The Cocks would have to reach the BCS Championship game and I don't see them as being better than LSU, Alabama, or Arkansas this season in the SEC. Lattimore would need at least 1600 to 2000 yards rushing with 15 TDs minimum and the Cocks in the BCS Title game to win it. Not happening.

LaMichael James +600 - James should probably have the second best odds behind Luck considering he returns as a Heisman finalist and a team that played for the BCS Title last year. Again the Heisman is more political and hype then actual merit and I'm not even sure James is the best running back in his conference (I tend to side with Washington's Chris Polk). But if Oregon is back in a BCS Title game and James puts up the similar rushing stats then he will be a finalist. James is probably the second safest bet and I don't even consider him a top 10 player in the nation.

Landry Jones +600 - The Sooners have two Heisman Trophy winning QBs in recent history with Sam Bradford and Jason White and this year Landry aka Mustache Mafia has a legit chance with a stacked Oklahoma team. With the Sooners legitimate BCS Title contenders in 2011 Landry has a good shot of at least being a finalist for the Heisman if he puts up similar numbers or better as his sophomore season. If the Sooners go undefeated and Landry puts up Sam Bradford-type numbers then he will win it.

Justin Blackmon +1000 - Blackmon finished 5th last season in the Heisman despite putting up insane catches, yards, and TDs for a wide receiver. A wideout hasn't won the Heisman since Desmond Howard did 20 years ago at Michigan. The chances of Blackmon winning it are slim to basically none unless the Cowboys can get to the BCS Title game.

Ryan Broyles +1200 - The only way Broyles can win is if his teammate Landry Jones get injured midseason and the Sooners still make it to the BCS Title game. Broyles put up astonishing numbers last season in Norman but he isn't the big play receiver that Blackmon and Notre Dame's Michael Floyd are. Broyles is a great college player but he really has no chance of winning the Heisman.

Trent Richardson +1200 - A lot of the pundits believed the best RB in the Alabama backfield the past couple of seasons wasn't Heisman Trophy winner Mark Ingram. Richardson will get his chance to be the feature back this season in Tuscaloosa. I can see ESPN really pushing him for the HypesMan if he has a huge season and if Bama wins the SEC. It would be their feel good story with the recent tornado destruction of Tuscaloosa.

Knile Davis +1500 - Davis is one of the more underrated backs in the nation and this is a pleasant surprise to see him this high. Last season for Arkansas he ran for over 1300 yards and 13 TDs. With an early season schedule with the likes of Missouri State, New Mexico and Troy he should pad his stats before a huge game in Tuscaloosa on September 24th. It would take tremendous games versus Bama, Auburn, South Carolina, and LSU plus a SEC Championship appearance for Davis to get serious consideration. It's possible but not likely.

Robert Griffin III +1500 - Great player but does anybody realistically expect Baylor to contend for a National Title? Not happening and it's too bad because Griffin might be the best talent in the nation. The only way he becomes a finalist for the Heisman is if he can lead Baylor to wins over TCU, Okie State, Oklahoma, and Texas.

Chris Polk +1800 - Polk ran for 461 yards combined in season ending wins over Washington State and Nebraska and will probably rush for over 1500 yards this season. Watching Polk runs you will notice very rarely does he go down on first contact. In order for him to be standing on the podium in New York City in December he will have to care the Huskies on his back and lead them to a Pac-12 championship over either Stanford or Oregon.

Brandon Weeden +2000 - The 27 year old senior would have to pull a Chris Weinke and lead the Cowboys to a BCS Title game to get serious consideration over his teammate in Justin Blackmon. He has a shot but just out of principle alone and the Weinke rule he isn't eligible at his age.

Case Keenum +2000 - Keenum has already played four years of college football but got granted a 5th year due to medical hardship. He's thrown for over 13000 yards and 107 TDs in his career. He's basically the Colt Brennan of 2011. He will get a shot to break Hawaii's Timmy Chang all-time passing yardage leader if he can throw for over 3500 yards this season. He has a legit shot at the record. The Heisman? Not so much.

Michael Floyd +2500 - It's hard to determine if Floyd has a legit shot at the Heisman considering we still don't know if he will be missing any games from a DUI arrest. Floyd is a beast when healthy and will get a chance to set numerous Notre Dame records with catches, yardage, and TDs during his senior season. The problem with Floyd and the other receivers up for the Heisman is you usually have to be a special teams standout too as a kick returner. The only chance Floyd has of winning the award is if Notre Dame is playing in the BCS Title game and even at that point I would think whomever is QBing or Cierre Wood might get more serious consideration.

Darron Thomas +3000 - I'm probably going to ruffle some Duck feathers with this but I'm not even sure Thomas is a top 3 QB in the Pac-12. I think Andrew Luck is obviously better and I could make a legit argument that USC's Matt Barkley and Arizona's Nick Foles are better passers. But then again the Heisman doesn't always go to the best passer or the best QB for that matter. It goes to the QB who can get his team to a National Championship and Thomas has a much better chance than Barkley or Foles.

Matt Barkley +3000 - Don't laugh but if Andrew Luck would have come out this past season we could be talking about Barkley as the #1 pick for the 2012 NFL Draft. Barkley has no chance of winning the Heisman since USC is on probation and can't even go to a bowl game but it would not surprise me in the least to see him outshine Luck at home on October 29th. It's probably a good thing he doesn't win the Heisman because Lane Kiffin is bound to get all of USC victories vacated within a couple of years.

Nick Foles +3000 - Foles is a good quarterback who needs to get better during crunch time. It wouldn't surprise me to see him really break out this season and lead Arizona to some upsets.

Kirk Cousins +3300 - The rising senior in East Lansing would have to lead Sparty to a Big Ten Championship to be a serious contender and that's not totally out of the realm of possibility with the Buckeyes and Badgers both taking a step back this year. In terms of extreme long shots he might be the safest bet.

Aaron Murray +4000 - For a first year starter Murray had an outstanding season for the Red and Black. He will be missing key targets this year in AJ Green and Kris Durham and the schedule doesn't play the Dawgs any favorites with Boise State and South Carolina opening up. I do believe Murray is the best QB in the nation's toughest conference but I can't see him leading the Bulldogs to a SEC Championship this season.

Danny O'Brien +6000 - What does Vegas know that we don't? I mean they can't seriously have O'Brien as a Heisman contender and not have Boise State's Kellen Moore. Is this some kind of sick joke? Don't get me wrong O'Brien is good but how in the hell do you leave off Moore? O'Brien has no shot at winning the Heisman this season. Zip.

Greg Reid +6000 - Defensive backs even as explosive as Greg Reid have no shot at the Heisman. If Florida State is going to be a top 5 team this season then QB EJ Manuel will be the Heisman favorite.

Obviously I'm surprised Kellen Moore and South Carolina's Alshon Jeffery were left off the list. Both guys are elite talents on teams that could compete for a National Championship which is essential to being a Heisman finalist. If defensive guys were ever seriously considered you could make arguments for Alabama's Dre' Kirkpatrick, UNC's Quinton Coples, Notre Dame's Manti Te'o and a host of other defensive talents. Unfortunately they are not or Ndamukong Suh would have won it in a landslide two seasons ago.

If I were to guess right now what the voting could look like at the end of the 2011 regular season it would be this:
1. Andrew Luck, Stanford
2. Landry Jones, Oklahoma
3. Justin Blackmon, Okie State
4. Kellen Moore, Boise State
5. Marcus Lattimore, USC

Brodie Smith is the Frisbee Trick Shot King

Seeing Brodie Smith make amazing frisbee trick shots at the University of Florida is like looking at myself in the mirror...after about drinking 12 beers. Beer goggles makes everything more tolerable. Including my face.

Video HT via Dave

Taj Gibson with the facial on Dwayne Wade

Before the Bulls-Heat series begun I made a little bet that the Heat would win the series in 6 games. After watching the Chicago Bulls just dismantle the Heat last night I'm not so sure this series even makes it to 6 games. The Bulls looked incredible in the second half. The fire and the emotion in Chicago was something I hadn't personally seen since Jordan was wagging the tongue. As a Hawks fan I find it almost impossible to root for either one of these teams but after seeing Gibson soar over Wade I can't help myself. I'm rooting for the Bulls. Fuck.

Eric Berry and CJ Spiller trying to be funny

I don't even know what to really say about this. Are Eric Berry and CJ Spiller trying to be funny? This has the feel of a Dane Cook "comedy special." It's neither comedic or special unless you enjoy eating paint chips. Seriously the NFL Lockout needs to end. With OchoCinco being thrown off a bull and Tommy Z knocking out tomato cans in boxing and now these horrible Adidas Ads it's time to get the football players back to what they do best: going bankrupt within 3 years.

Houston We Have a Problem: The Great Fan Escape

Last Friday in Houston's Enron Field (see what I did there?) in the bottom of the ninth in a tight game with Carlos Lee (best MLB contract ever) at the plate some fan did the unthinkable. Not only was it caught on tape but the fan actually managed to elude security while jumping over the centerfield wall and then climbing like SuperMan to his escape.

Give that fan a contract!

Tiger Woods Quits after 9 Holes and I mean Golf this time

Poor Tiger. The guy just can't catch a break. Today Tiger had to quit the Player's Championship after finishing the front 9 with a 42. Apparently his knee is really bothering him. That stupid Swedish Cow must have gotten to him last night.

Buckeye Motors

With everything swirling around the Ohio State football program how is Jim Tressel able to weather the storm at this point and coach in 2011? I know this will be his last season in Columbus since the fallout from the lies to the NCAA will be too big to overcome but I just don't see how he has not resigned already. It must be about the money. If he resigns now he doesn't get paid. If he is fired or "let go" then he gets his full contract paid out in severance.

Facial Flex

Kate Upton Braless Video

I think I just blacked out for about 5 minutes. Where am I? What the fuck am I doing? And why are my shorts and boxers down to my god damn ankles?

Oh. Another Kate Upton video. Case solved.

#1 Prep OLB Noor Davis set to announce Friday

Rivals.com #1 outside linebacker Noor Davis has decided to move up his announcement date to this Friday according to Chris Nee of Rivals.com.

Four-star linebacker Noor Davis has moved up his decision date and plans to announce a verbal commitment Friday, per Rivals.com Florida analyst Chris Nee.

Key players here include Notre Dame and Florida, both of which had made a cut into the top five, but Davis is considering offers from across the country and has made many visits.

Previously Davis had been targeting a decision at the Under Armour game in January.

Davis carries a 4.3 GPA and the 6 foot 4, 225 linebacker has indicated he would go to a great business school if he had a choice. The Mendoza school of Business at Notre Dame is ranked #1 in the nation and the Fighting Irish could sell playing time with the likes of Aaron Lynch, Stephon Tuitt, Ishaq Williams, Ben Councell, Ronald Darby, and Tee Shepard on a stellar defense for at least 3 of his 4 years on campus.

On the other hand the University of Florida can sell itself as one of the best public institutions in terms of business schools in the nation and the fact that they produce NFL talent. Also the defending champions Auburn Tigers just got a visit from Davis and with his sudden declaration to move up his announcement to this Friday after it was previously thought to be in January shows good promise for War Eagle.

Make no mistake Davis is the type of athlete and student any school would love to have. At this point he can pretty much go anywhere he chooses. My gut feeling is he picks Notre Dame.

Georgia gains by losing leading rusher Washaun Ealey

Yesterday the University of Georgia announced it had granted the unconditional release of leading rusher Washaun Ealey. This means Ealey is free to transfer where ever he may like including any SEC program. Last season Ealey led the Bulldogs with 811 yards rushing and 11 TDs as a redshirt sophomore. This coming up season there was a pretty good chance he was going to be second fiddle to incoming freshman Isaiah Crowell, the #1 running back prospect in the nation enrolling this summer.

This is great news for UGA. Ealey was a constant headache for the Georgia program and most importantly Coach Mark Richt. If you aren't familiar with the incidents Ealey has been through since his arrival in Athens let the AJC refresh your memory...

Ealey was suspended indefinitely from the team in February for missing an early-morning disciplinary run. He was reinstated in time for spring practice in March but was sidelined with a hamstring injury after only four practices and did not practice again. He was also suspended from last season’s opener because of an arrest for hit-and-run of a parked vehicle and driving with a suspended license. Richt was particularly upset about that incident because Ealey had assured coaches he wouldn’t drive while his license was suspended.

Ealey during his time in Athens displayed for the most part a "me" attitude. What could Georgia give to him was more important than what could he give back to the Georgia football team and his teammates. With a coach on the hot seat like Richt is this season you can't deal with clubhouse cancers who could ruin the whole attitude of the team. It was time to trim the fat and get rid of Ealey.

Ealey will bounce back and learn a valuable lesson. The kid has skills and is a good running back when he wants to put the time in and prove himself. The hot rumor is he winds up transferring to Georgia Southern.

For Georgia this is the dawn of a new running back era. Crowell is looking to make an instant impact this fall much like Marcus Lattimore did in Columbia last season for the SEC East Champ Gamecocks. Georgia is also seen as a front runner for highly touted tailback Keith Marshall out of North Carolina. Marshall has visited Athens several times and is considered an elite tailback.

In the end the best thing that could have happened for both Ealey and Georgia was to go separate ways. It also might have saved Richt's future in Athens.

THIRTY FUCKING FIVE

35. It's a number. A very shitty number for the Baltimore Orioles right now.

It's the combined number of RBIs on the season from their #2-4 hitters in the lineup. Yep. Nick Markakis, Derrek Lee, and Vlad Guerrero have a combined 35 RBI's in the first 33 games of the season. Pathetic. Horrid. Fucking old guy Lance Berkman has almost as many by himself.

I shouldn't just pick on Markakis, Lee and Vlad since pretty much the whole Orioles lineup has sucked balls this season but these guys get paid the big bucks to drive in runs. They are suppose to be the leaders of a resurgent Orioles squad. And so far they haven't done dick. Until these three start to hit their weight the O's are doomed for last place in the AL East. Again.

Time to wake up ya fucking dicks.

NBA PLAYOFFS STONE COLD LOCKS TONIGHT

How many of you assholes out there had the Lakers getting swept? I know I didn't. How many of you dickheads had the Atlanta Hawks tied with the Chicago Bulls 2-2 in round 2? Not I. So the law of averages says I should at least be able to nail 50% of my picks or I'm a complete fucking moron.

Tonight we get the old ass Boston Celtics with a hurt Rajon Rando playing a much better squad in the Miami Heat. Listen I don't even fucking like the Heat. I've lost so much money on them this season because Lebron and Wade decided to take games off and of course Chris Bosh was too busy popping craters on his face to realize I had some serious juice on those fuckers. But now it's the playoffs and they let the Celtics gain some confidence by letting Boston win Game 3. Yeah I said it. They let them win. There is absolutely no way they don't win tonight in Boston and spit all over those banners in the Garden. Lebron is going to fuck shit up and have one of those 30 plus points, 10 plus boards, and 8 plus assists game tonight. On the other hand the Celtics will look slow and old and Ray Allen will be clanking shit left and right.

Miami covers the -1.5 easily.

Prediction: Miami 92 Celtics 83

The Memphis Grizzlies have been playing incredible basketball the past two weeks. They beat the shit out of the #1 seed in the San Antonio Spurs and right now they have a 2-1 series lead on the Oklahoma City Thunder. The playoffs are where your superstars come out to shine and it's time for Kevin Durant to take over this series. The Thunder can't afford to lose another game right now and Durant won't let them. I say he goes for at least 44 tonight. The Thunder are dogs on the road at +2.5. Take the Thunder to win a close one.

Prediction: Oklahoma City 101 Memphis 99


Go ahead and parlay these two picks. It pays out over 3-to-1.

This Week in Unnecessary Censorship

Jimmy Kimmel just needs to come up with a half hour show with these type of clips. I can watch them all day. Actually that is all I ever do.

Happy Birthday Dave: Kate Upton Video

Happy belated birthday goes out to Dave who is a loyal SportsCrack contributor. He's got a serious crush on Kate Upton so I figured why not give him a video of Upton's mammaries looking spanktacular. Remember to breathe slowly and deeply when watching. Objects may be closer than they appear.

The Boston Celtics Elderly Abuse PA

You can help the elderly by watching game 3 tonight. Wait a god damn second! They don't play game 3 in boston till Saturday night? What the fuck? I know the Celtics are old as shit and need all the assistance they can get but a 3 day layoff in between games 2 and 3 is fucking retarded. Come on NBA. Are we now going to have a 3 day layoff for the Lakers-Mavs series since the Mavs are tearing up the defending two-time Champs?

I'm going to go bold here. Not really but what the hell...If the Atlanta Hawks win game 3 which by NBA calculations will be in June they will beat the Bulls in 6 games.

Video via HotClicks

Augie Garrido is my hero

I'm fucking rock hard after watching Texas Longhorns baseball coach Augie Garrido go ape shit on the umpires and his team. I know ESPN just signed Texas to a new contract to form a Longhorn Network. I suggest hours and hours of Augie uncensored programming. It would fucking kill. At the very least the Orioles or the Braves need to hire this guy to come in and do some Matt Foley inspirational ass kickings every once in a while.

Via TheBigLead

Osama Bin Laden is Dead (South Park Style)

I could watch this all day. Fucking South Park just knocking one out of the park again. Tango is down, tango is down.

The Pac-12 just bitch slapped the SEC and Big Ten with a $2.7 Billion contract

With the additions of Utah and Colorado the newly formed Pac-12 Conference just landed the richest contract in television with a 12-year deal worth $2.7 BILLION. Yes. BILLION. CORRECTION: NEW YORK TIMES IS REPORTING DEAL WORTH $3 BILLION.

Three people familiar with the negotiations say the Pac-10 has agreed to a 12-year television contract with Fox and ESPN that is the most valuable in college sports.

The people say the contract will be worth more than $225 million per year. They spoke on condition of anonymity because the deal has not been announced. The contract was first reported by Sports Business Daily.

The previous richest deal for a conference is the $220 million a year that the Big Ten currently earns.

While most of the high-profile football and men's basketball games will be on channels owned by Fox or ESPN, the conference is interested in starting its own network.

Amateur sports eh? At $225 million per year that means each school in the Pac-12 will get roughly $18.75 million. Not too shabby for a conference that besides USC and most recently Oregon hasn't produced near the elite college football talent in the nation as say the SEC, Big Ten, and Big 12 conferences. This is a tremendous deal for the Pac-12 and sports fans around the nation. Hopefully we will no longer be subjected to shitty Big East football games on ESPN and instead will get to see some much more exciting West Coast brand of football.

Oh and before you ask NBC pays Notre Dame $15 million per season for their TV rights. It might be time for Notre Dame to either join a conference in football or renegotiate that contract. There is no reason schools like Vandy, Cal, and Northwestern among others should be getting paid more when they don't carry the brand name recognition that Notre Dame brings to the table.

With the tremendous amount of money being poured into television contracts for the rights to college football games in the major conferences is there any doubt that college football is the most popular sport in America with the NFL's lockout in full force?

President Obama Roasts the shit out of Donald Trump

Kudos to the President. He has a sense of humor. A wicked one. He knows how to talk like an intelligent human being unlike that SportsCrack fella. And by God he absolutely destroyed Donald Trump in this roast at the White House Correspondents' Dinner. I will just be up front. I'm not the biggest Trump fan because the guy was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and a fox on his head. He thinks he knows everything. So fuck him.

The President just tore you to shreds. Now the question is how will Trump respond? By calling Rosie O'donnell fat or bankrupting another casino? That's old hat for the Donald. Maybe he can run for President. He's already great at running up debt on his own businesses before they go under. In fact he would be perfect for America.

I would say it's been a pretty good week for Obama. He destroys the character of Trump and then kills America's #1 enemy in Bin Laden. Not too shabby for a guy born in Kenya.

Jason Heyward and the Stanford Tree SportsCenter Commercial

Listen I'm not the biggest Heyward fan in the world for obvious reasons but this SportsCenter commercial made me laugh out loud. The Stanford Tree has to be the dumbest mascot in the world. To see him crumble and fall as Heyward explains the bat processing of "they keep cutting...cutting..cutting" and "that's all laser....psshhhhh" is pretty spot on. It was kind of like when I was served by Heyward's lackeys. Hilarious yet unnecessary.

Video HT: Eric

Liar, Liar, Vest on Fire! Billboard

Talk about an all-time classic shot to the nuts via billboard. The Michigan/Ohio State rivalry just heated up a little bit more with this "Liar, Liar, Vest on Fire!" billboard off I-94. Now it's time for Ohio State fans to retaliate to protect their white knight in Jim Tressel.

Image HT to Jeff

Bin Laden is Dead

The Navy Seals ended almost 10 years of hide and seek with Osama Bin Laden. Fuck Yeah! It's a great day for freedom. Now let's go get Ayman Al Zawahiri. Fuck Yeah!

Here is a cool scene of Phillies fans reacting to the news of Bin Laden's death during the Met's game last night...