With college football season basically done till the meaningless bowls kick in early January it's time to turn my attention on one of my favorite national past times: NFL mock draft. With my Atlanta Falcons shitting the proverbial bed this season I have been eagerly awaiting the draft since they lost to the lowly New York Jets on Monday Night back in September. Of course I can't factor in trades that will be made between now and then so if this mock is even 10% correct it's a huge accomplishment. It's basically on par with SEC "student"-athlete conference test grades.
1. Houston Texans - The Texans need a quarterback. In a quarterback driven league they currently don't have one. Matt Schaub is done. And the other what's his fucking name blows. So it comes down to who the Texans with a new coach thinks is the best pro prospect behind center. Most people think it's Teddy Bridgewater. I don't think he's worth the risk. Some others think the Texans take the ultimate risk and go Johnny Manziel. Not going to happen unless they trade down. I think when all the dust settles with the combines and scouting reports the pick will be....Fresno State QB Derek Carr.
2. St. Louis Rams - The Rams also need a QB but aren't going to draft one. Why? Because they still owe #1 bust Sam Bradford $30 million over the next two seasons. They are going to ride it out with him. They don't need defensive ends with Robert Quinn and Chris Long having solid seasons. More than likely they will look to trade down. They gotta protect Bradford so my guess with the pick is Texas A&M Jake Matthews.
3. Jax Jaguars - The Jags are taking a QB. Louisville's Teddy Bridgewater makes the most sense. I haven't been impressed with his play this season but then again his offensive line hasn't been helping him. This is a BOOM or BUST pick.
4. Oakland Raiders - The Raiders also need a QB but won't take one. They always take the shiniest toy in the box. The toy this year is Jadaveon Clowney. He may not play wideout but once Clowney gets all that bonus money he's likely to play left out with his non motor.
5. Cleveland Browns - Could we possible have 3 QBs taken in the top 5? Yes. The Browns don't have a star at the position and have been desperate to get one for the past 20 years. Johnny Manziel will sell tickets but is too big of a wildcard to put the franchise shoulders on. Instead they will go with Central Florida's Blake Bortles. The only two things I know about Bortles is he somehow led UCF to a BCS Bowl and more importantly his girlfriend is smoking hot.
6. Atlanta Falcons - The Falcons are doing their best to fuck up a top pick by winning meaningless games but luckily the NFL is so devoid of star QBs it won't hurt them. With Matt Ryan they don't need one so they get their shot at the third best non QB in the draft. And if the dominoes fall correctly they get the best one in my opinion in UCLA LB Anthony Barr. Barr is the next Von Miller and will be a superstar in Atlanta.
7. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - The Bucs are bound to do something stupid here. They aren't going to take a QB because the kid they got from NC State is doing a decent job. So scratch Johnny Football. Instead they will go with a receiver. Clemson's Sammy Watkins is the pick.
8. Minnesota Vikings - The Mr. Samantha Ponder experiment is over. Now it's the Johnny Football show! I can't wait to see what sort of hijinks Manziel gets into in Minnesota. By the way I love this pick. I think Manziel can succeed in the NFL.
9. Buffalo Bills - Buffalo still has a team? I guess you learn something new every day. The Bills need linemen to protect E.J. Manuel. My guess is they take Alabama's Cyrus Kouandijo. With the pick they will introduce a fun new drinking game in Buffalo called "say Cyrus what's his name" 5 straight times without slurring.
10. Tennessee Titans - The Titans need a QB but who do you take? They can probably get a Tajh Boyd or Aaron Murray type in the 2-4th rounds. Nobody worth taking a risk here. So you gotta go with the sure thing. Notre Dame's Louis Nix is the next great NFL defensive tackle. Titans are lucky to get their hands on some Irish Chocolate.
11. New York Giants - The Giants need defensive help bad. So you gotta go with the best talent here because they are deficient in all three levels. Alabama's C.J. Mosley would be my pick.
12. Pittsburgh Steelers - Feels weird to say this but the Steelers have a lot of holes. You might as well take the best talent. I say they go Texas A&M WR Mike Evans. Roethlisberger could use another target to make unwanted sexual advances with...I mean throw the ball to.
13. New York Jets - The Jets could use a hybrid DE/OLB since their interior is really good. Buffalo's Khalil Mack makes the most sense.
14. St. Louis Rams - Even though the Rams took Jake Matthews with the #2 pick they go offensive tackle again and take Auburn's Greg Robinson. The hope is one of them pans out.
15. Detroit Lions - Would the Lions go wide receiver here again? Not likely with Watkins and Evans off the board. If they are available then I could see them getting a WR. Instead they go with a local college product in Michigan State CB Darqueze Denard.
16. Dallas Cowboys - The Cowboys defense is atrocious. It's beyond repair right now. Getting Sean Lee back will help and getting a decent corner would also help tremendously. They take Oregon CB Ifo Ekpre-Olomu.
17. Baltimore Ravens - Joe Flacco could use some more targets to throw to but Ozzie Newsome is never the type of GM to pass on the biggest talent. This year it is Notre Dame defensive end Stephon Tuitt.
18. San Diego Chargers - Staying on the West Coast is USC's Marqise Lee. Philip Rivers needs more weapons and Lee should be at least a good #2 receiver his rookie season.
19. Chicago Bears - I don't see the Bears letting Jay Cutler walk away in free agency. They have never had a good QB so I don't see why they would let even a decent to good one like Cutler leave and start all over. The Bears need defensive help. They can't stop the run. They also have the worst safeties in the NFL. Alabama's Ha Ha Clinton-Dix has star potential and is the pick here.
20. Green Bay Packers - The Packers would be wise to trade down if possible because one of their big needs is a tight end. At 20 it's too high to take one especially since none of them are superstars but if they do take one at this position I would go with North Carolina's Eric Ebron.
21. Miami Dolphins - The Dolphins took a Michigan left tackle a few years ago in Jake Long and continue the tradition with Taylor Lewan. Hopefully this one pans out for them.
22. Philadelphia Eagles - Philly needs help in the secondary. Unfortunately the best players are already gone. Maybe Philly will be looking to trade up but if not we got to go with Ohio State's cornerback Bradley Roby.
23. Cleveland Browns - The Browns got this pick from the Colts in the Trent Richardson trade. With their first pick I had them taking QB Bortles so he will need some protection up front. Baylor guard Cyril Richardson would be a perfect fit.
24. Cincinnati Bengals - They need more help at the outside linebacker position. Clemson's OLB Vic Beasley should fit in nicely.
25. New Orleans Saints - The Saints have plenty of offensive weapons but could use some help on the defensive side of the ball. Ohio State OLB Ryan Shazier has great instincts and a knack for finding the ball.
26. Arizona Cardinals - The Cardinals could take a gamble on a QB late here but I doubt they would take either one of Tajh Boyd or Aaron Murray this high. Instead they go safe here and take an offensive lineman. It's somewhat surprising he dropped this far but FSU's OT Cameron Erving could be a steal this late.
27. Carolina Panthers - Cam needs weapons. Steve Smith is old and Ted Ginn is just a punt returner. FSU's Kelvin Benjamin has superstar potential if he can get rid of the butterfingers.
28. Kansas City Chiefs - Chiefs are also looking for receivers. Penn State's Allen Robinson seems to be the best left on the board at this point.
29. New England Patriots - With Gronk down with a busted knee and Aaron Hernandez gone for life in jail the Patriots need another tight end for Tom Brady at the end of his career. Texas Tech's Jace Amaro should be declaring for the draft and would be a great fit in New England.
30. San Francisco 49ers - They stick with the M.O and go with the best corner left with Oklahoma State CB Justin Gilbert.
31. Denver Broncos - They need a pass rusher at either DE or OLB. At this point the best available is Missouri's DE Kony Ealy.
32. Seattle Seahawks - Seattle needs help on both lines but in the end it comes to protecting your most valuable asset: Russell Wilson. Notre Dame offensive tackle Zach Martin didn't allow a sack all season.