SportsCrack Blog

Thursday, April 24, 2008

GEORGIA LANDS ELITE QB, NOTRE DAME GETS ANOTHER RECRUIT


The Georgia Bulldogs added one more football player to their already stellar 2009 class today by securing the verbal commitment of Tampa QB Aaron Murray, who picked the Bulldogs over rival Florida. Murray is one of the most highly rated QB's in the nation and after watching his video he looks to be the most impressive in my mind. At 6'1 he is not one of the tallest QB's but the kid is an athlete who can scramble, throws a hell of a deep ball, and is extremely accurate with a ton of velocity with his passes. He looks better on film than USC commit and overall #1 player Matt Barkley and I won't be surprised when Rivals and Scout come out with their new evaluations showing Murray as a top 10 player in the nation.

ESPN's recruiting analyst Tom Luginbill thinks highly of Murray:

"Without a doubt, he has the quickest release and most velocity of any quarterback who I've seen in the 2009 class," Luginbill said. "The negative on him is that he lacks height, but there are ways to compensate for that within the scheme. You can't coach a guy to get rid of the football the way he does, a player can either do it or he can't. And Murray has an exceptionally quick release."

"You're looking at a guy who is every bit the passer that Matt Stafford is with more athleticism," Luginbill said. "He may give Mark Richt and that offensive coaching staff more athleticism from the quarterback position.

"He's a blend between a pocket-passer and a dual-threat guy. I wouldn't call him D.J. Shockley, but he's much more athletic than David Greene and Matt Stafford. So, you're looking at a guy who is somewhere between a Shockley and a Stafford [in terms of athletic ability]."


Murray threw for over 4000 yards, 51 touchdowns with only 7 interceptions and should have a chance to compete right away with Logan Gray and Joe Cox at UGA once Stafford leaves for the NFL. To get a feel with what Aaron Murray sounds like while talking to Tony Gwynn on helium, take a look at this YouTube video...


And here are some highlights from his junior season. The kid looks like another Drew Brees to me minus the birthmark...


Notre Dame picked up their second elite RB in less than a week yesterday by landing the verbal commitment of Theo Riddick. The 5'11, 190 pound tailback is out of New Jersey(Charlie Weis country) and is a preseason top 250 player according to Rivals and is on the ESPN Top 150 Watchlist as an athlete. Riddick stated he just felt right with Notre Dame all along:
"It was just a great experience" visiting Notre Dame, said Riddick, who led Immaculata to a 12-0 season and a state Non-Public Group III title in 2006 and a 11-1 season and a berth in the Non-Public Group III title game last season. "I blended straight in. That's when I knew I wanted to go there."


Riddick also plays safety and cornerback for Immaculata High School and has the quickness, speed, and athleticism to play multiple positions at Notre Dame if runningback doesn't work out. After watching his film I think he could be a great cornerback in college, much like an athlete in the mold of a Tom Carter or Todd Lyght. Riddick is the 4th commitment to what is already forming to be another excellent recruiting class under Charlie Weis.

KOBE DOING HIS BEST MJ


How is Marcus Camby considered one of the top 3 defensive players in the league and yet the Nuggets defense is horrible? Kobe went for 49 last night while toying with announcers Marv Albert and Reggie Miller who were doing play-by-play for TNT. I'm still looking forward to see how Kobe responds to the Denver crowd with what should be plenty of heckling considering the whole rape issue. But yeah, the Lakers are looking like serious title contenders.

Video HT: AwfulAnnouncing

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

GREATEST UMPIRE EVER: DAN IOSSAGNO

This is from the Atlanta Braves-Washington Nationals game from a couple of nights ago. MLB might want to investigate the 1st base umpire for having money on the game...

I can only imagine what Bobby Cox shouted at him.

Something like this sounds about right: "R-U-A-FUKING-RETARD?"

It's one thing to get screwed by a call at home but it is another thing when everybody sees a horrible call all at once. Announcer Joe Simpson sounded like he got caught in Ned's dungeon via Pulp Fiction for heaven's sake.

And for anybody thinking umpire Dan Iossagno isn't taking money, well, I just found he lives down the street from me in Marietta, GA. I must have rubbed off on him.

Video HT: AwfulAnnouncing

NOW IT'S PERSONAL

Jorge Arangure Jr. of ESPN Magazine has an excellent article on the bitter feud between native Colombian baseball players Edgar Renteria and Orlando Cabrera. I've wondered why the country of Colombia doesn't produce baseball players like Venezuela does and I guess this provides a certain insight as to maybe why. It's too bad Renteria and Cabrera can't get along and I must admit I see Renteria in a totally different way after reading the article. Renteria kind of comes off as a dick while it appears Cabrera is trying to reconcile the differences by at least talking.

If I were them I would just get some Colombian bam-bam, some hookers, and some booze, maybe cross swords and just make up already. Those silly Pablo Escobars' down there will never learn.

F*CK EARTH DAY

It's been a while since I poured some oil on some ducks or thrown my empty beer bottles back in the lake or on the side of the road where they belong. But now after watching this inspiring video from the crazy old Grandpa all of us wish we had, I think I might go out there and rip my Hummer through a field of sunflowers before I urinate on them. I feel so much better now that I can contribute to society in a meaningful way.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

SPURS TAKE 2-0 SERIES LEAD OVER SUNS


"Where Cheating Happens"...sounds like the slogan for Balco.

LARRY MUNSON AS THE VOICE OF GOD

I can already see all the Georgia fans nodding in agreement while picking their noses. Oh wait, I'm doing that right now, never mind.

Video HT: EDSBS

JAKE LONG SIGNS WITH DOLPHINS

There is the new face of your franchise Miami Dolphins fans. Jake Long may not be pretty in the face but the big boy sure can block when not facing Vernon Gholston and was awarded today with a huge bag of cold hard cash from Bill Parcells today to become the #1 pick in this upcoming NFL Draft. So now with the first piece down I figured we would take a look at the rest of the draft with my predictions on how it might shake out.

2. St. Louis Rams-Glen Dorsey is right up there with Darren McFadden as the most talented player in the draft. His motor never stops and he would be welcomed with open arms in St. Louis who has whiffed as an organization on D-lineman in the past. Dorsey will be a stud if he can stay healthy.

3. Atlanta Falcons-Begrudgingly I think the Falcons are going to take Matt Ryan. Yes, the same guy who is as accurate as Michael Vick was in college but without the ability to run the ball but on the other hand the ability to throw a lot more interceptions. The Falcons should draft a linemen with this pick such as Sedrick Ellis or Chris Long, or trade it for more picks, and then draft one of Brian Brohm or Joe Flacco in the second round. But that would mean they are an intelligently run franchise and if you follow NFL history the Falcons clearly have never been associated with anything intelluctual. Matt Ryan benefits from it with a huge signing bonus. The Falcons still blow.

4. Oakland Raiders-Darren McFadden or Chris Long, who would you take? Long, the son of Hall of Famer Howie, would seem like the perfect fit in Oakland. McFadden with his questionable background also seems like the perfect fit for an Al Davis team. McFadden would be my pick because he is going to have the same impact as Adrian Peterson did last season. But I would also make sure he didn't kill any dogs before draft day.

5. Kansas City Chiefs-Chris Long, duh! He will replace the traded Jared Allen. I like Long a lot but I'm not convinced he will be an impact player right away in the NFL.

6. New York Jets-Vernon Gholston. And yes, the Jets fans will boo but they shouldn't. Gholston, when he decides to go full speed is an extremely dangerous pass rusher who could rack up Dwight Freeney type numbers in the NFL.

7. New England Patriots-More than likely the Patriots will try to trade out of this spot because A)they can get more picks and B)they don't want to give a huge signing bonus to a rookie. They need a LB but at this spot Keith Rivers and Dan Connor would be reaches, so I'm going to say Aqib Talib at CB.

8. Baltimore Ravens-I would absolutely love to see McFadden slip to the Ravens but I don't see it happening. The Ravens will take Sedrick Ellis at DT. Ellis could be better than Dorsey in the pros. Don't laugh, the kid is a beast who dominated for the most part in his USC career and was the most impressive lineman at the NFL Combine.

9. Cincy Bengals-The Bengals want Ellis really bad. Unfortunately unless they make a trade with the Patriots or Ravens they can't get him. Hell, the Falcons could take Ellis for all we know. You would think they have to draft somebody with questionable off-field behavior. Somebody who gets DUI's and scuffles with the Po-Po. Nobody from Penn State is graded this high though so you can't there. Mario Manningham seems like a good fit to replace Chad Johnson if they trade him and he has been kicked in and out of the Michigan football program numerous of times. But he projects to late first round/early 2nd. They will take USC LB Keith Rivers if he is available. And no, I don't think Rivers is going to be an All-Pro by any means but he will be a solid LB.

10. New Orleans Saints-Rashard Mendenhall to replace Reggie Bush. Kidding of course. Jonathan Stewart maybe? Just joking. They need cornerbacks so I will go with South Florida's Mike Jenkins.

11. Buffalo Bills-The Bills are really high on Oklahoma's Malcolm Kelly as am I. I think Kelly will be a really good NFL player and a great pick for the Bills.

12. Denver Broncos-The need a left tackle and Boise State's Ryan Clady is a pretty good one.

13. Carolina Panthers-The avoid the sexy pick by taking a guard in Virginia's Branden Albert.

14. Chicago Bears-They really need to get Sexy Rexy the fuck out of Chicago by drafting a QB. Instead they will draft an offensive lineman, a man named Jeff Otah out of Pittsburgh to play left tackle.

15. Detroit Lions-A WR of course! I got them taking a linebacker in Derrick Harvey out of Florida. A safe bet for sure, Harvey was a really good collegiate player who could develop at either OLB or DE.

16. Arizona Cardinals-Leodis McElvin out of Troy could become the shutdown corner Antrel Rolle was suppose to become.

17. Minnesota Vikings-Calais Campbell out of Miami is a freak of a defensive end who has the athletic ability to dominate in the NFL. But does he have the heart? The Vikings will find out by either drafting him or Phillip Merling.

18. Houston Texans-Rashard Mendenhall seems like a good fit for the Texans at RB. I also like Jonathan Stewart out of Oregon. Really can't go wrong with either, but I will go with Mendenhall.

19. Philadelphia Eagles-Desean Jackson seems like the perfect playmaker for Donovan McNabb to throw touchdowns at and to return kicks. Jackson has Devin Hester written all over him except he is a way better receiver.

20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers-They need a cornerback so that Rogers-Cromartie guy makes sense here. And no, I have never seem him play.

21. Washington Redskins-They want to trade this pick to the Bengals for Chad Johnson but if they don't they will take Phillip Merling out of Clemson to play defensive end.

22. Dallas Cowboys-I would take Jonathan Stewart but since Jerry Jones loves the Razorbacks it looks like Felix Jones will be the pick.

23. Pittsburgh Steelers-Jonathan Stewart is finally off the board. When healthy Stewart can do it all and should become a fan favorite in Steel Town.

24. Tennessee Titans-They need receivers for Vince Young. I'm not a fan of Limas Sweed but I can see them taking him to team up the old Longhorn teammates.

25. Seattle Seahawks-They need a d-tackle. I love Trevor Laws out of Notre Dame but I think he will still be an early second round pick. Kentwan Balmer out of North Carolina will more than likely be the pick.

26. Jacksonville Jaguars-They need linemen especially on the D side of the ball. Fuck it, I say they make a "stretch" pick by taking Laws out of Notre Dame.

27. San Diego Chargers-They need safety help and the only one worth it at this pick is Kenny Phillips out of Miami. They also could take a RB to replace Michael Turner in the second round.

28. Dallas Cowboys-Will anybody be surprised if the Cowboys trade both of their first round picks to somebody like Atlanta to get McFadden? I won't and I hope it happens for the sake of the Falcons franchise. If not they take James Hardy out of Indiana. A former basketball player on the Hoosiers, Hardy could become a dominant red zone presence in Dallas.

29. San Francisco Giants-Gosder Cherilus seems like the perfect pick out of Boston College. He could step in right away and play right tackle.

30. Green Bay Packers-They need a tight end. Martellus Bennett out of Texas A&M is the best one in my opinion in this draft and should be going to Green Bay.

31. New York Giants-Dan Connor out of Penn State should replace departed Kawika Mitchell. A no brainer in my mind, Connor could become another Keith Brooking.

SMOLTZIE GOING FOR 3000 K

When Atlanta Braves ace John Smoltz takes the mound tonight against the Washington Nationals he will be looking to join the exclusive 3000 career strikeout club that only 15 other pitchers can claim membership. Needing just 4 K's tonight to reach the milestone, Smoltz pretty much will stamp himself a one-way ticket to Cooperstown once he reaches 3000(the only one not in the Hall with 3000 career K's is Bert Blyleven).

In fact did you know the 3000 K club is more elusive over a career than 300 victories(23), 500 homeruns(23), and 3000 hits(27)? Smoltz is one of the most underrated power pitchers of his era. Maybe he was cast in the shadow of Greg Maddux and Tom Glavine for all those years but if you had a choice for a guy to be your starter for a pivotal game series clincher who would you want? I would take Smoltz without blinking an eye.

His post season pitching record is 15-4 with a 2.70 ERA. Smoltzie split-finger fastball and slider made him a great closer for 3 seasons(NL record 144 saves during that period) and yet he was still able to come back and pitch over 200 innings and record double digit victories while keeping an ERA in the low to mid 3's each season in his late 30's.

In layman's turn: Smoltzie is a beast.

Smoltz is also a great teammate who decided to stick with the Atlanta Braves organization when so many others left for more money(Tom Glavine for example). I know it sounds like a cliche but not many players play for one organization their whole career. The fact that Smoltz sacrificed his spot in the rotation to become a closer for the good of the team shows how great of a teammate he was. Of course Smoltz always knew he was a starter but never complained openly to the media and kept it behind close doors when he knew he should be back in the rotation. The Braves handled it with class and so did Smoltz when so many players and organizations are so quick to cut ties when things don't go right.

Smoltzie recorded his first K by smoking a high fastball past Darryl Strawberry 20 years ago at Atlanta Fulton County Stadium. Tonight I will stand and applaud him as he reaches another milestone in his Hall of Fame career against the Nationals at Turner Field. When he fools another hitter for his 3000th K I expect the crowd to roar and give him a standing ovation. The Commissioner Bud Selig should stumble up the mound with presumably a horrible speech and a handshake. Bobby Cox should pat him on his bald head and tell him one more time: "Good job Kid!"

John Andrew Smoltz affectionately known by teammates as Smoltzie, the future Hall of Famer, has earned and deserves it.

JESSICA SIMPSON TAKES IT FROM A SMURF



The pictures above clearly show Jessica Simpson has been cheating on Tony Romo with a freaking Smurf. I wonder which one she banged? Maybe she hit up the whole crew. You know it's only a matter of time before she gets some of the Terrell Owen's action on after seeing his guest appearance on BangBros. When asked about the secret vacation Owens and Jessica took together, Owens did not take it too well...



Pictures courtesy of D Magazine

MARV ALBERT CRANKS THAT SOULJA BOY


Those guys at TNT are pretty creative. Personally I would have made it a little more embarrassing for Albert. Put him in some chaps. Whip him with a leather belt. Maybe put a ball gag in his mouth and have a donkey lick peanut butter off of him. Oh yeah...nevermind.

Video HT: AwfulAnnouncing

Monday, April 21, 2008

GREG ODEN DIGS MCLOVIN, CHEAP WINE, AND PENN STATE?


These pictures come courtesy of The Big Lead which shows America's favorite non-playing Big Man drinking some of the finest Franzia wine at a house party on the campus of Penn State.

Holy shit! Don't these people even know Oden just played for Ohio State and deserves to be called a "faggot" for even deciding to attend Bucknut University? I thought if you attended State Penn you were no longer allowed to associate with anybody who even remotely identifies themselves with the Scarlet and Gray. These Nittany Lions are clearly impostors.

To be honest I'm really disappointed in Oden for this tame picture. NBA rookies, especially the #1 overall pick, should be doing lines off stripper's asses and making it rain. This frat boy shit with cheap wine is rather pathetic. In my world that is just another Sunday morning bible study class.

And where are the dead hookers?

THESE FANATICAL DOUCHEBAGS REALLY LOVE EACH OTHER


You remember those days when you would go to the zoo or park and see a couple of four legged freaks go at it and you would ask your Mommy: "Why are they fighting?"

And what would your Mommy say?

Of course she would say they are not fighting, it's just their way of showing their love for one another by ripping each other apart and rubbing fat men's tits while shouting "Red Sox suck!" See this is why I never want to hear a Yankee or Red Sox fan make fun of another team's fan. They will claim their passionate but everybody else with a functional frontal lobe of the brain knows that these people are really just psychotic douchebags.

I mean you can just see the sexual tension between these two fan bases. They really just need to fuck and get it over with already.

And if you are wondering why I posted this video it is simple: this rivalry obviously needs more publicity and exposure. I'm so sick of ESPN talking about the sweep of the Dodgers by the Braves(I was there yesterday, no fights but I did see a 60 year old man with a hilarious 80's rat tail) and can we please stop incessant talk and blabbering about the Western divisions in both leagues? I mean if I have to hear another story about Ichiro and Vladimir and how if they made love they would form the perfect beast of a ballplayer or hear about another Giants fans spitting on an A's fans because they live across the Bay with the "colored folks" I swear on Willie May's grave I will turn off the television. We need more Northeast coverage people!

Video HT: WithLeather via Busted Coverage via Deadspin

DEREK FISHER ISN'T A CARMELO FAN


What does the basketball say to the face? SLAP! The NBA Playoffs have kicked off and besides the Sixers beating the Pistons everything seems to be going as planned. The Lakers beat the shit out of the Nuggets with AI getting ejected and Laker fans showing their admiration and love for Carmelo while chanting "DUI, DUI, DUI." The Boston Celtics worked the pathetic Atlanta Hawks last night and Chris Paul showed why maybe he is the MVP after all by personally destroying the Dallas Mavericks in the second half. Tim Duncan and Manu Ginobli survived the Suns in overtime thanks to some huge shots from both and the Jazz showed why they love their home court Mormon advantage by pasting the Rockets.

I'm still sticking with my original prediction of Spurs over the Celtics in the Finals but I must admit the Lakers look really good. And I heard Kobe isn't raping anybody when he goes back to Colorado so he shouldn't be a distraction. And don't judge Kobe for his past trangressions in the Rocky Mountain High State. At least he isn't a car fucker...although that clip of him jumping over a car might have just been foreplay.

KIDS IN THE HALL SKETCH: CAR F@#KERS


It's been way too long since I've seen these 5 guys back together doing actual comedy. The Kids in the Hall was some of the funniest shit on Comedy Central back in the 90's and if you have never seen their underground hit movie "Brain Candy" I would highly recommmend it. Some of the greatest one-liners to ever hit the big screen are in "Brain Candy" and I believe I watched the film about 100 times in college. And no, it's not a stoner's movie, but it might help a little bit if you toke some beforehand. Just kidding, meth should do the job.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

IRISH LAND CIERRE WOOD, TOP BACK IN THE NATION


Notre Dame started their spring scrimmage off right today by securing the commitment of prep RB Cierre Wood, the #3 rated overall player in the country and the top RB in the nation. Wood is out of Oxnard(CA) Santa Clara HS and is a tremendous steal out of Trojan and Bruin country. A fluid back, Wood should get the ball rolling for the Irish in terms of recruiting. He is the highest rated RB to commit to the Irish since Charlie Weis took over and with his solid commitment in hand it should get other recruits to take notice. Here is a list of other top prepsters who are visiting this weekend in South Bend courtesy of DomerDomain.com...

ATH E.J. Banks - offered
RB DJ ADAMS - offered
ILB Jordan Barrett - offered
OG Alex Bullard - interested
FB Daniel Drummond - interested
TE Tyler Eifert - interested
TE Jake Golic - committed
S DeVonte Holloman - offered
DE Anthony LaLota - interested
OT Sam Longo - interested
DE Craig Roh - offered
DT Tyler Stockton - offered
RB Cierre Wood - committed

The key for the Irish this weekend is going to be making some big inroads with a lot of the defensive players especially the linebackers and defensive linemen. The Irish will always be able to land quality offensive talents with Weis at the helm but they need to continue to steal some defensive talent now with Jon Tenuta in the Blue and Gold.

Here are some YouTube highlights of Cierre Wood...




UPDATE: The Irish also landed the commitment of Tyler Stockton this past weekend. Stockton is a beast of a defensive lineman who is eerily similar in stature, technique, and downright nastiness to some guy who switched commitments last year to play for the Urban Liar. I forgot his name already.

CHARLES BARKLEY WOULD HAVE SLAPPED THE HELL OUT OF ESPN

How can you not love Sir Charles Barkley? He speaks his mind, often hilariously, and tells everybody exactly how it works to a degree. He is not afraid to throw punches and I'm loving the fact he has the balls to speak about how shoddy ESPN has become. This clip is from The Dan Patrick Show regarding the recent ambush of Miguel Tejada by ESPN: 60....

I just wish somebody with enough money and cajones would start a competing sports network to battle ESPN. Steal their best talents (Scott Van Pelt, Erin Andrews, Kirk Herbstreit, Buster Olney among others) and rob them of their college football and basketball coverage and strike a deal with MLB to carry a ton of their games and ESPN would quickly erode faster than a boner in front of Rosie O'donnell.

Video HT: AwfulAnnouncing

Friday, April 18, 2008

MIGUEL TEJADA CAUGHT LYING


Honestly I don't know how I feel about the video. One part of me hates ESPN for being the dick they are and entrapping Miguel Tejada with proof they already knew he would lie about. This was never breaking journalistic news because everybody with a functional brain knows the Dominicans lie about their age. I wonder why they didn't have Peter Gammons(Red Sox cocksucker) or Buster Olney(an actual great baseball mind unlike Gammons in my view) ask the tought questions to Tejada? Why? Because ESPN is full of vaginas. But in this instance they look more like the dick and the asshole more than the pussy. Because we all know there is three things in life Chuck: dicks, assholes, and pussys. And clearly ESPN is all of them. If they want to be fair and balanced with this garbage they should talk to more Latinos like David Ortiz, Manny Ramirez, Bobby Abreu, Robinson Cano, and other Red Sox and Yankees players about their age before they pull this shit with Tejada. But they won't because 90% of ESPN is full of those bandwagon cockbags.

I almost feel bad for Tejada before I realize he is caught in the lie. Similar to NBC's To Catch a Predator minus the actual breaking the law and being moralistically wrong, Tejada lied about his age. Big fucking deal. Women lie about their age all the time. All this interview does is make ESPN look like some sort of TMZ minus the integrity.

Yes, TMZ minus the integrity is what ESPN is these days. Sad isn't it? It's the reason why ESPN leads off with Yankees-Red Sox news and how Matt Ryan is the greatest QB to come out in the NFL draft since Peyton Manning. National sports coverage deserves more than the recycled regionalized bullshit that is ESPN. We want real coverage, coast to coast. We know Tejada lied about his age and we really don't care. We want to hear about how the Arizona Diamondback's Justin Upton might be the best 20 year old to play in the major leagues since God know who and not about some BS story about a fucking jersey being cemented under a rival's new stadium.

We don't give a rat's ass about the New York Knicks more than we do the Atlanta Hawks so why make news about the Knicks firing Isiah Thomas? Nobody gives a shit about the Knicks outside of New Yorkers themselves more than they care about the Hawks still sucking balls and making the playoffs out of the Big East conference known as the Eastern Conference of the NBA. Let's talk about how amazing the Kansas City Royals young pitching staff is becoming or how good the National League West is going to be this year and for one minute not talk about something on the East Coast.

As those marketing geniuses did at Nike I want you to Just do it ESPN. Give us serious discussion on the rivalry between the Cubs and Cardinals and the Dodgers and Giants. They are as relative to baseball as those other two teams you love to cover in baseball. I want good journalism and not TMZ. I want Tejada to hit homeruns and lie about his age because they really don't matter. I want ESPN to be honest about Matt Ryan and see him nothing more than the next Ken Dorsey or David Greene.

And for God's sake I want more Erin Andrews and less of Holly Rowe.

BEST BASEBALL NICKNAMES


Sports and Rants has their list of the top nicknames in baseball today and I think The Hammerin Hebrew has to be the best one by far. Ryan Braun is a great young slugger who can't field worth a lick and if there is one name that can make Milwaukee people cream in their oversized pants besides Milwaukee's Best it has to be Hammerin Hebrew.

BETWEEN TWO FERNS WITH ZACH GALIFIANAKIS

I love bananas.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

GREATEST BASEBALL SLIDE OF ALL TIME?


Make sure you watch both camera angles on this incredible slide/jump over the catcher. Pretty impressive for a white kid.

TYPICAL NEW YORK YANKEES FAN


Let me take a wild guess here with this typical Yankees fan. First name is either Anthony or Junior. Born, raised, and still lives in New Jersey but claims to be from New York. Drinks more apple martinis than actual beer. Loud and rude while hanging with his buds. Thinks a solid relationship is making out with $5 Jersey whores. Jerks off while crying to "When a man loves a woman." Thinks Derek Jeter is the best shortstop ever and quite possibly the best baseball player ever not named Babe Ruth.

Video HT: Barstool Sports

DERRICK ROSE PRESS CONFERENCE CALLED OFF BECAUSE OF FIGHT?


According to Gary Parrish of CBS Sportsline there was a reason why the Memphis Tigers Athletic Program did not hold a press conference for freshman sensation Derrick Rose to announce his early entry into the NBA Draft: he got in a fight with a football player over a girl.

Other than alcohol I would say the number one cause of fighting between college aged males is always women. Just watch an episode of Real World and see how long it takes till two dudes are scrapping over some barfly in a short skirt. I guess we can't blame Rose for this because he is young and naive like all of us either were or still are as in my case. But you know we will hear an endless amount of chatter from dipshit-know-nothings like Skip Bayless and Todd McShay how this will ruin his draft stock and could wind up costing him millions.

Bullshit is what most people call Bayless' and McShay's words of wisdom. I call it typical ESPN garbage. Anyways, we know the only girl that will cost Rose future millions will be his first wife. It's money in the bag for whomever gets a diamond ring from Rose.

MIGUEL TEJADA LIED ABOUT AGE


Shocking isn't it? Okay, maybe not, but today Houston Astros SS Miguel Tejada confirmed what everybody already knew in that he is older than his listed age of 31. Of course he still might be under estimating his actual age of 33 if you ask baseball scouts.

Astros shortstop Miguel Tejada has told the team he's actually 33, two years older than he's listed in the club's media guide and other baseball records.

Tejada, saying he wanted rid himself of a burden, approached general manager Ed Wade and asked to correct misinformation he gave the Oakland A's when he signed in 1993, the Houston Chronicle reported on its Web site Thursday.


Miggy says he wanted to "rid himself of the burden" of having lied about his age when he came to the States as a teenager to Astros GM Ed Wade. So now the question remains of what else will Miggy reveal as some untruths he has told in the past?

Maybe he did sabotage Rafael Palmeiro after all with those tainted B-12 injections.

Maybe he was on steroids after all even though he still denies ever using the stuff.

Maybe he did tank his overall effort and attitude while playing in Baltimore under the dark curse of Peter Angelos's disgusting snauser even though he maintained his attitude and energy levels remained the same despite the losing.

Maybe he is Julio Franco's long lost twin.

THE NBA CAUSES CONCUSSIONS

We have finally reached the end of the NBA regular season and now get thrust ed into it's second season: The Playoffs. In other words we still have another six exciting weeks till we reach the Finals between the San Antonio Spurs and Boston Celtics. Going out on another limb, I'm going to say the Spurs win yet another Championship securing their place as a NBA Dynasty.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

BARACKY: THE MOVIE


I still can't get over the fact that Obama bowled a pathetic 37 a few weeks back but this Rocky montage gets the hopes back up for all the Obama supporters out there. My buddy Andrew and his band BoatCar are playing at an Obama Rally this Saturday in Denver for his "Nation of Change" tour.

Translation for "Nation of Change": someone in the Oval office who actually speaks the English language correctly and doesn't get their grammar lessons from this here blog.

I got to give a little more pub for BoatCar, a self described "original mountain grown funky/jazzy/folky/jammy kinda band" without the heroin addiction and boils on the side of their necks. At least I don't think they are on heroin yet, give them a couple of years when they have really hit the big time. If you are in the Denver area check them out or if you are a promoter be sure to contact them, you won't be disappointed.

BoatCar Myspace Page



"The world would clearly be a better place with more bands like Boat Car."-God

DIRTY SANCHEZ NAMED USC STARTING QB


The mighty filthy USC Trojans named Mark "Dirty" Sanchez as their new starting QB heading into 2008. The ambiguously gay duo of Sanchez and Brian Cushing(pictured above) can now retreat to their completely paid off Hollywood flat (NCAA doesn't frown upon same sex couples in case you were wondering) where they will enjoy a solid spring of turkish mud wrestling while playing hop scotch in between Pete Carroll constant Facebook statements of "enjoying golf in this great southern Cal weather" which is clearly an attempt to land the next Tiger Woods and covert him into his 12th tailback.

Sanchez clearly needs a Sportscrack shirt made in his honor. Be on the lookout for a "Dirty Sanchez" shirt to make it's debut sometime this summer.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

TAZER CHAIR


Good thing the dude wasn't looking at porn. That would have been really awkward.

TENNESSEE FOOTBALL: STILL GOING BACKWARDS


Figuratively and literally the Fightin Fulmers continue to bend backwards in their pursuit to be a player in the SEC again. The gruesome picture is courtesy of Wizard of Odds of fullback David Holbert during the final spring scrimmage tearing a couple of ligaments in his now deformed knee.

When asked for comment on the horrible news that the next Jamal Lewis in the collective delusional Volunteers' minds would be out for the season he calmly put down his tenth Soney's BBQ pork sandwich and started whistling Rocky Top.

Yes, Rocky Top, it will always be home sweet home for hillbilly's like you and me.

ALLISON STOKKE: THE COLLEGE YEARS

In case you were wondering and I'm sure you were the internet sensation that is Allison Stokke is now in college. My Chill Pill has all the wonderful pictures of her stick handling abilities while pole vaulting at Cal. There is a joke somewhere in there but I will let you handle it.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

THE MASTERS VIDEO


If you are sleep deprived or need to calm down and back away from the ledge because your significant other just left you for your best friend well then watch the Masters. It can literally bore the shit out of you and soothe you to sleep without having to go to the bottle and pills.

NCAA TOURNAMENT WINNER

To whomever won the Sportscrack NCAA Tournament Pool please identify your glorious and genius self by emailing me at matt@sportscrack.com so I can send you your new Sportscrack swag. Fairchild out.

Monday, April 07, 2008

2008 Basketball National Championship Prediction



Kansas 68
Memphis 65

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Final Four Predictions

Kansas 76
North Carolina 72

Over/Under on the number of times Billy Packer has an on-air orgasm while watching Tyler Hansbrough make an easy layup look difficult: 10

UCLA 65
Memphis 60

Over/Under on Packer references to Kevin Love being a smart/crafty player: 3552

Friday, April 04, 2008

RANDOM JOKE

A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an
attractive man standing alone. She approached him.
'Hi....My name is Carmen', she told him.
'That's a beautiful name,' he replied, 'Is it a family
name?'
'No,' she replied. 'I gave it to myself. It reflects
the things I enjoy most -- cars and men.'
'What's your name?' she asked.
He said, 'B. J. Titsenbeer'.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

ARMCHAIR GM'S 2008 HOTTEST SPORTS WIFE TOURNAMENT


Take a visit to Armchair GM to vote for your favorite sports wife. The 32 women field is a collection of beauties with the lone exception of Eva Longoria. She howls at the full moon when not wearing 10 pounds of foundation. Ladies, you know what I'm talking about.
My vote goes to Cheryl Tweedy(pictured above), the wife of soccer player Ashley Cole in case you were wondering.

GOOD ONE GUYS

You have it to hand it to the PTI guys for playing this off really well...

I'm looking forward to this weekend's Final Four because I think it is about time we had the best teams competing against each other for the whole thing. UCLA, North Carolina, Kansas, and Memphis were all the clear cut best teams throughout the season, winning both their regular season and tournament conference championships. This is actually the first time I have ever gotten the Final Four right and if all goes as I planned we will be having an UCLA vs. Kansas Title game match with UCLA winning another one.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

BRONSON ARROYO HITS A HOMERUN



Maybe not...get a haircut hippie!

Monday, March 31, 2008

SOME BASEBALL PREDICTIONS


MVP
AL-Manny Ramirez will have a monster contract season.
Sleeper pick-Curtis Granderson
NL-Mark Teixeira will have a monster contract season.
Sleeper pick-Hanley Ramirez

Cy Young
AL-Erik Bedard will be filthy all season.
Sleeper pick-James Shields
NL-Johan Santana should dominate the NL.
Sleeper pick-Tim Hudson

Rookie of the Year
AL-Adam Jones plays a great centerfield in Baltimore.
Sleeper pick-Jacoby Ellsbury
NL-Colby Rasmus gets called up quickly and provides a needed spark in St. Louis.
Sleeper pick-Cameron Maybin

Manager of the Year
AL-Jim Leyland
NL-Bobby Cox

World Series
Boston Red Sox over Arizona Diamondbacks

2008 AMERICAN LEAGUE CENTRAL PREVIEW

I hate to sound like a dick, actually no I don't really care, but I think this division should just be handed to the Detroit Tigers now. This Tigers team is going to be the greatest ever and I will enjoy every moment of it while I drink Pop all day and massage my Michigan Wolverines #1 fan finger as I prepare to shove it my a-hole. Haha, just kidding, this division is going to be tougher than a one tooth Ann Arbor hooker. So let's get cracking at this preview.

1. Detroit Tigers-From top to bottom the best lineup in baseball. When you add studs like Miguel Cabrera and Edgar Renteria to your left side of the infield you know you have a good chance of producing a lot of runs. The Tigers are going for it all this year after giving up a lot of young talent to get Cabrera and Renteria and I think it was a good move. Mags, Sheffield, Granderson, Polanco, Pudge, and Guillen are all All-Stars who should sell out every game in the Motor City. Seriously, there are no more excuses Detroit for not at least coming close to selling out every single game with your sick team. It will come down to pitching and that is where it gets a little scary for the Tigers. Justin Verlander is a sick but besides him all the other starters have question marks going into this season. Kenny Rogers is older than his chicken and facial reconstruction and Jeremy Bonderman has never quite lived up to his hype. Dontrelle Willis is going to be garbage in the American League but will still get 15 victories with that lineup. Nate Robertson wears Kurt Rambis glasses when he pitches. The bullpen isn't so hot either. But with their starting lineup they should win the division easily.

Prediction-94 Victories.

2. Cleveland Indians-It's now been 59 years since the Indians brought home a championship and I think we can add another year of not winning it all for the Tribe. The lineup isn't nearly as potent as the Tigers. If Grady Sizemore has a MVP type of season then the Tribe could contend for the division but I think they are looking at more of a Wild Card spot especially if the Tigers get off to a hot start. The pitching is solid with C.C. Sabathia and FAusto Carmona both entering their primes and Jake Westbrook should bounce back from a difficult season last year. The Indians have a very solid team and were really close to winning the AL Pennant last year but things change from season to season and I just don't see them winning the division. But stranger things have happened in Cleveland...

Prediction-88 Victories

3. Chicago White Sox-This team has the potential to be really good this season with the off season acquisitions of Orlando Cabrera(huge upgrade over Uribe), Nick Swisher(should be a fan favorite in the South Side), and Carlos Quentin(tons of potential) to a lineup that struggled last season with a .246 team batting average. Last year's team was a mess and it really should not have been. It's up to manager Ozzie Guillen to straighten things out or he could get a pink slip fast especially if they struggle out of the gate against Cleveland and Detroit in the first week. The lineup is a little old with Thome, Konerko, and Dye but they should be able to score some runs. The pitching staff is okay with Buehrle and and Vazquez both capable of having All-Star seasons but the bottom half of the staff is nothing to talk about. This team could go either way honestly. They could be really good or really bad. It all depends on how they start off in April especially in this tough division.

Prediction-81 Victories

4. Kansas City Royals-Don't laugh but the Royals have gotten better. Alex Gordon is a future star and really bounced back last season after struggling the first half of his rookie year. Billy Butler is only 21 but proved last year he could hit in the majors and should team up with Gordon to be a formidable one-two punch in the middle of the lineup for years to come. RF Mark Teahan can rake too and new addition Jose Guillen should provide some roid rages in between playing some good ball. And of course Gruds is always solid at 2B. The pitching looks to be a lot better with Gil Meche, Brian Bannister, and Zack Greinke all capable of winning 13-17 games this season. Things are looking up for the Royals and despite their relative youth they have a good chance of staying in ball games this season while building a foundation with future pitching studs in the minors waiting to come up.

Prediction-78 Victories

5. Minnesota Twins-Johan Santana and Torii Hunter were such rocks on their team it is due to crumble without them. Their hitting lineup looks solid with Morneau and Mauer among the best at their positions and the addition of Delmon Young who could blossom into a Gary Sheffield type of player. This team just has way too many question marks in an already difficult division to even think about contending this season.

Prediction-69 Victories

GREAT START TO A NEW MLB SEASON


Last night's debut of the Washington Nationals new ballpark pretty much went to script as the Atlanta Braves gift wrapped, put on the Santa suit, did some sloppy baserunning, and handed over the hometown team a win. Of course we were all treated to some horrible baseball announcing by Joe Morgan but it was funny to see him squirm when President George Bush was sitting next to him. You could just see in Morgan's eyes the hate building up. It was actually better than the game itself. Not a Bush supporter myself but I thought it was kind of "Bush"league to boo the President as he went out to throw the ceremonial first pitch. Say what you will about his foreign politics and how much of an idiot he is which I will agree upon I don't think I would have the cajones to boo my own President. Actually I wouldn't. I love freedom of speech and all that comes with it but the guy is not trying to fuck over our country people. You wouldn't boo a retard if he came out would you? Okay, well maybe some of you would but I think we owe our retarded President some respect.

It sucked to see the Braves lose another game late. If you don't follow Braves baseball it has been sort of their downfall the past couple of seasons. The bullpen has been bad to say the least and cost Tim Hudson a chance to reach 20 victories last season. Hopefully the Braves get their bullpen together and last night isn't a microcosm for the rest of the season. And for all the fantasy baseball geeks out there including myself last night was a perfect reason why I always regret joining these leagues. I don't like the Nationals and I generally always root for the Atlanta Braves(lone exception when they are playing the O's)but when Ryan Zimmerman hit the game winning homerun I smiled because I have him on my stupid fantasy team. It sucks to root for someone just because you want to win your fantasy league.

It's almost as bad as booing your own President.

Video HT: AwfulAnnouncing

Friday, March 28, 2008

THE OTHER SWEET 16 PICKS


Okay, yes, my picks yesterday were pretty much atrocious in the don't look at 2 Girls 1 Cup video way. But I want to make it up to you guys and gals by picking some winners. And as much basketball as I have watched this year which is confined to my two trips to Vegas you can pretty much guarantee these picks are as bad as David Stern is with math and geography. Or maybe just as bad as my grammar.

Davidson over Wisconsin. The exciting Curry is a one man wrecking crew and can pretty much hit any shot on the floor including game winners when some assholes are taking his picture. See, because he is an athlete and clearly Tiger Woods isn't. But I digress. Davidson is for real and I have no idea how they got a 10 seed when they were top 25 the majority of the season. Plus I hate watching Wisconsin play basketball. It's like watching Dane Cook try to be funny. You just watch and wait, watch and wait, watch and wait, and then just get pissed off because you wasted your time while others somehow enjoyed it. We call these people special. Wisconsin basketball is special in a L bus kind of way. Take Davidson with the 5.5 points as the underdog.

Stanford over Texas. I'm on the Stanford and the Lopez twin bandwagon. Those kids can play for me any day or night and I just think they will overwhelm the Longhorns. To be honest I haven't watched one minute of Texas basketball this year because A)it's not football and B)I have a life, as tiny as it may be. Stanford is the dogs by 3 so take them with the points and parlay that shit with Davidson.

Kansas over Villanova. Villanova is playing really good basketball right now but for all intended purposes Kansas should destroy them on a neutral court. Give me Chalmers and Rush and even I could make Bill Self look like a good coach. They won't cover the 12.5 but I would take Kansas on the moneyline and parlay it with Davidson and Stanford.

Memphis over Michigan State. You know everybody is jumping on the Spartans bandwagon and jumping off Memphis. Why? They lost one fucking game all year to Tennessee. Of course I have rationalized Memphis as the winner in this game because I have them in my Final Four but seriously they are a much better team on paper than Michigan State. Derrick Rose is due for one of those "holy f-ing shit did you see that" games all true superstar b-ballers do during the tournament. They are 5 point favorites and I like them to cover it.

Have a great and sober Easter weekend. Oh wait, it was last weekend. Never mind. I give you permission for all out debauchery and chaos while spreading your seed to whomever will take it.

2008 AMERICAN LEAGUE EAST PREVIEW

As we all know the American League East has been dominated by the two major market clubs in the New York Yankees and the Boston Red Sox for the past decade. Will things change this year? Umm...negative. But the race could come down to the wire which will be thrilling for ESPN and all the bandwagon Yankees and Red Sox fans.

1. Boston Red Sox-The team is more loaded than Heath Ledger on pills. Okay, maybe not that loaded but you get my point. Manny Ramirez aka lazy bitch with the best swing in baseball will have a monster season because A)Contract year and B)he is that fucking good. David Ortiz will be backing him up in the cleanup spot and there is no doubt the Sox will be scoring a ton of runs with guys like Dustin Pedroia, Jacoby Ellsbury(ROY candidate if he gets the at-bats), World Series MVP Mike Lowell, the always reliable Jason Varitek and some redneck vagina out in right field in the lineup. I forgot his name already. The pitching is stacked and I wouldn't worry to much about losing Curt Schilling. Josh Beckett will be strong again and Dice-K should be better than he was last season or otherwise he is stealing a lot of yen. Honestly this team is so loaded I bet on them to win the World Series even though I hate their guts. Oh yeah, and to top it all off they might have the best closer in the game in Jonathan Papelbon.

Prediction-99 Victories

2. New York Yankees-This team needs some serious publicity. I feel so bad for them having to mire in obscurity these past 90 years so I felt it was my responsibility to inform you about this young, up and coming team from the Bronx. Some guy named A-Rod decided to come back because he wanted to take a pay cut in order to be faithful to his wife and trainer and because he loves the city of New York. They have been so wonderful to him and his family since he arrived a few seasons back. Seriously, A-Rod is the most stand-up guy in baseball. Just ask Derek Jeter or Jose Canseco. They have pool parties and pillow fights together all the time. It's so sweet to see teammates and former teammates get along so well. Everyone loves New York so much they will take twice the money just to play there and live outside of the city. Johnny Damon creams in his pants when thinking about how loving and compassionate the fan base is and how they support their players despite their slumps. The city has become so gentle and caring since the tragic 9/11 thing occurred. They win the Wild Card because like the A's and Marlins they love to play Money Ball.

Prediction-93 Victories

3. Tampa Bay Rays-Holy cow there is finally a team worth talking about in Tampa/St. Pete. The Rays have one of the best young and talented pitching staffs in the major leagues with Scott Kazmir, Jamie Shields, and newly acquired Matt Garza all potential studs. Carl Crawford is still one of the most underrated players in the game and should be a fantasy baseball manager's wet dream. Evan Longoria did not make the club this spring but should eventually be up within the first two months and should contribute. BJ Upton had a breakout season last year and will be the everyday centerfielder now that Rocco Baldelli's career seems to be over. Don't expect as big of a season out of 1B Carlos Pena but he should still put up 30 plus homers in the Tropicana/Geritol Stadium. The bullpen could be their downfall with Troy Percival closing games and a lot of question marks setting him up. This team has been drafting young studs for years now it is their time to at least finish out of the basement in the AL East.

Prediction-82 victories

4. Toronto Blue Jays-Besides Vernon Wells, Alex Rios, and Roy Halladay I really don't like the pieces on this team. Matt Stairs is expected to play left field. Laughter ensues. Cardinal rejects David Eckstein and Scott Rolen man the left side of the infield. More laughter ensues. Lyle Overbay and an old Frank Thomas man your two power hitting positions at 1B and DH. Those Canadians sure are funny aren't they? This team could be really bad but at least they are not as bad as the Baltimore Orioles. Over/under on AJ Burnett starts this year: 20. If I was a betting man...wait, I am, I would take the under. The Blue Jays are fucking dead in this division.

Prediction-73 Victories

5. Baltimore Orioles-This year's Cinderella is the BAWtimore OWioles. Okay maybe not but a little boy can dream right? The O's are finally rebuilding behind GM Andy MacPhail and are left with either shit old players or up and coming studs. The good for the O's is RF Nick Markakis. In what should be his first of many All-Star games Markakis will be the most consistent player in a rather pathetic lineup. If the O's keep 2B Brian Roberts as it appears they will now the lineup will only be shitty and not horrendously shitty as previously thought. CF Adam Jones will go through some growing pains but could put up Chris Young type numbers. The starting pitching is awful. Jeremy Guthrie is the most consistent and Daniel Cabrera is another meltdown from being banished to...fuck me...he is 2nd in the rotation! The bullpen looks like it will be better only because it was so bad last year it can't surely get any worse. Make no mistake this should be the worst team in Orioles history. But there is always the future O's fans and players like Billy Rowell and Matt Wieters will be making impacts in 2009. And for the love of God Peter Angelos please give hometown product Mark Teixeira whatever the hell he wants and sign him this offseason. What remains of the loyal fans who still wear orange and black deserve it. Fuck, now I need a kleenex.

Prediction-20 Victories, and if I was a betting man I might take the under.

CLOONEY'S NEW GIRL LOOKS LIKE FUN


The picture above is of Sara Larson who has been dating uber bachelor George Clooney for over a year now. I'm not sure what to make of her down on all fours, I will let you the reader decide for yourself.

Honestly I was kind of disappointed in the picture. I thought actresses/models in Hollywood only got down on all fours to do blow or get a movie role. I guess Larson beat them all, she landed a Clooney....


Picture HT: WWTDD

Thursday, March 27, 2008

SWEET 16 PICKS


It's going to be awfully tempting to burst the bubble on this current sober streak I've been on since getting back to Vegas on Monday morning but I told myself I wouldn't have one till the weekend. Fucking alcoholism!! Adding even more fire to the embers in my lost soul is the fact that the Sweet 16 kicks off tonight. We are talking about the one on MTV right. That 16 year old little hussie so deserved a 2008 convertible BMW and not that shitty 2006 BMW SUV. Daddy is such an asshole! Oh right, we are talking a little hoop action.

I have this feeling one of the #1 seeds is due to go down tonight. And no I don't believe it will be UCLA against Western freaking Kentucky. So I got my eye on you coach Williams and UNC.

Take the 1 point and bet a grand on West Virginia kicking the living shit out of Xavier tonight. Don't laugh, West Fukin Virginia looks like a Final Four team right now. Okay, you can laugh. Haha...I know that statement is funny as shit. But seriously, the Mountaineers will be burning couches till the midnight hour so take them with the points.

Take Washington State and the +9 against North Carolina. I know the Tarheels have been kicking ass but the Cougars can play some defense and will be banging the shit out of Tyler Don't Tase Me HansBrough. I wouldn't be entirely shocked if the Cougars pull the upset here so neither should you.

UCLA will blow out Western Kentucky. Kevin Love is the best passer for a big man I have ever seen play the game. He can't run worth a shit but he sure can pass and knows how to board. He basically is the complete opposite of Roy Hibbert. Yes, he has actual talent!

Louisville will cover the 3 points against Tennessee. SEC basketball is garbage and although the Vols are everything but shit their time has come. Louisville has simply more talent and is more athletic.

And take the under for beers consumed at 6 tonight. Friday is right around the corner and I'm still in recovery mode so no need hit the bottle tonight. My sponsor is suck a dick.

PETE CARROLL TAKING BATTING PRACTICE AT THE COLISEUM

I guess when you have the whole college football world by the balls you can literally go out and hit some. Seriously, did Pete Carroll just point to the Coliseum and say "baseball field now" and the next day they created his Field of Dreams. I can just see Carroll putting Jim Harbaugh's face on those balls while swinging away. I hate USC as you know but with spring practice starting I'm already getting really antsy for that USC-Ohio State matchup. I'm a college football junkie.

But yeah...FUSC.

NOTRE DAME BEGINS SPRING PRACTICE







Coming off a disastrous 2007 season it looks as if head coach Charlie Weis is adapting to the "maybe I'm not such a football genius" after all thought. It's pretty simple in terms of outlook for the 2008 season for the Irish in what will determine their success on the football field: the development of the offensive line.

If the offensive line gels and lives up to their collective hype coming out of high school the Irish will have a very successful season which could translate into 10 wins. But on the flip side if they don't gel or mature and miss assignments like last season the Irish will be lucky to keep QB Jimmy Clausen(who has added weight but still needs to add some more) healthy and their offense on the field. The Irish have a ton of talent at every position not including defensive line and it will be interesting to see how the team reacts to Weis delegating the play calling to offensive coordinator Haywood and how the defense reacts to incoming Jon Tenuta to help bring some aggressive blitzing and attacking schemes to Corwin Brown's defense.

Make no mistake, the Irish need to get nasty on the football field and it looks like they will be having full contact, no holding back, get in your face hitting and blocking starting on the third day of practice. To hear this makes these Irish eyes glimmer with hope. But hope doesn't translate into victories and if the Irish want to return to kick ass football they will need to execute and develop a "me against the world" attitude and practice their asses off this spring. Or maybe just give the ball to Robert Hughes, James Aldridge, and Armando Allen and let them do what they do which is run over, around, and through opposing defenses. Either way there are no excuses for this upcoming season(I'm looking at you offensive line).

KENNETH PAGE IS STRAIGHT CASH HOMEY


Incoming Clemson freshman offensive lineman Kenneth Page is so money at football he gets paid to do it. The picture above is of Page on his Myspace page wearing a Clemson sweatshirt showing off his bills that would make the Barbie Bandits proud. One could conclude that Page is getting paid to play football for Tommy Bowden and Clemson but I think that train of thought is a disgrace to Tommy's papa Bobby who is a honorable man who has never paid any athlete to Florida State.

Right guys? (crickets in the background)

It should get interesting to see how Bowden, Clemson, and Page explain the reason for the picture of Page holding what looks to be at least $5000 in $20 bills. I've heard girl scouts get paid a lot these days. Seems as reasonable as Page holding that many bills without some NCAA infraction taking place.

College Football is a hell of a drug.

Via Withleather via Brahsome

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

OH MY GOD, TIGER WOODS CURSES?


I do find it pretty ironic ESPN decided to let Dana "Fuck Notre Dame" Jacobson question the great Tiger Woods about using profanity in the heat of the battle. Wait a second, heat of what battle? This is fucking golf people. You know how hard it is to hit a little white ball straight while people are making noise around you. Thankfully football, baseball, basketball, hockey, and soccer players don't have to deal with such unruly and disgusting behavior such as someone trying to take their picture while they perform. I feel so bad for Tiger Woods having to deal with camera clicks on his downswing, how could one not go in a profanity laced tirade?

This non-story actually brings me back to a time when I attended the PGA Championship with my buddy Chuck back in 2001. Chuck and I are huge hackers and boozers out on the golf course and we have been known to use some profanity and even throw some golf clubs because the sport can be so frustrating at times because we suck so bad. Anyways, a year earlier we saw Tiger lose it on TV as he started shouting at the cameramen "WATCH THE CAMERA GUYS" in his best Dave Chappelle white guy voice. So of course after drinking a few cold ones we thought it would be hilarious if we started yelling at Tiger "HEY TIGER, WATCH THE CAMERAS!" Yes, it was juvenile as shit but funny none the less. You could see Tiger was just seething at us as he stared us down and it actually fucked up his whole game that weekend. He finished 29th. It was great.

The moral of the story: Not sure, but Tiger doesn't like to be fucked with while playing a game he dominates. And he sure as hell doesn't like to be asked stupid questions from a donkey with a microphone who herself likes to curse uncontrollably once she gets a little Vodka in her system.

Dear God, not in his swing people! Have you no mercy or dignity!

CHRIS WEBBER RETIRES


The most talented member of the original Fab Five at Michigan, I honestly had no idea Chris Webber was still playing basketball or even dated Tyra Banks. Webber's career is kind of undefinable. He was never a huge superstar partially because he played the majority of his career in Sacramento and also because he could never stay healthy. The most games he ever played in one season was actually his rookie season with 76. He will always be remembered for the ill timed timeout in the 1993 NCAA Championship game against North Carolina which prevented him and his talented yet eventually heavily sanctioned class from winning a title. For the most part of his career he averaged over 20 points and 10 rebounds a game yet his name doesn't come up when you think of top power forwards of all-time in the NBA. C-Webb, in my best non-gay description, I know it's difficult, was a good looking cat who probably scored tons of tail so none of us should feel sorry for him since he never played for a NBA Title or likely won't make the Hall of Fame. Playing basketball is about making money and scoring ass and we all know C-Webb scored a lot doing both.

So good-bye C-Webb, blow Tyra for me. Oh shit, I meant blow her a kiss or do a line off her ass, whatever shakes your boat.

KAZ MATSUI HAS SURGERY TO REPAIR ANAL FISSURE


Talk about one of the shittiest ways to go on the disabled list, Houston Astros newly acquired 2B Kaz Matsui could miss up to four weeks to recover from surgery to repair anal fissure the club announced today. Frankly I had never even heard of the phrase "anal fissure" and hopefully none of us will ever be diagnosed with it after reading about it on Wikipedia. According to Wikipedia here are some of what might be the causes to Matsui's sphincter pain...

Most anal fissures are caused by stretching of the anal mucosa beyond its capability. Many acute anal fissures will heal spontaneously. Some fissures become chronic and will not heal. The most common cause for this is spasm of the internal anal sphincter muscle. This spasm causes poor blood flow to the anal mucosa, hence producing an ulcer which does not heal since it is deprived of normal blood supply.

I guess it's a good thing Matsui isn't a close friend of Alex Rodriguez or a Turkish oil wrestler or he would be so fucked. Matsui isn't expected to be back till mid April
in case you were wondering.

CORY LIDLE BACK FROM THE GRAVE?


Scott's Shots uncovered this interesting transaction blurb courtesy of ESPN.com on March 24, 2008. Apparently Lidle never passed away in that horrible plane crash in New York City nearly two years ago as we were to believe. Obviously the WWL fucked up on this one and meant no harm or embarrassment to the Lidle family. Obviously the only person who has come back from the dead is Amy Winehouse(hmmm...back in rehab...shocker there).

HEATHER MILLS IS A CRAZY BITCH


You know this has nothing to do with sports but I just wanted everybody to know how much of a skank, psycho bitch former Mrs. Paul McCartney known today as Heather Mills is even after being awarded over $47 fucking million last week for being married to the famous Beetle for just over 4 years. She wants more, a lot more money according to Telegraph...

Heather Mills has hired a new team of forensic accountants to try to prove that ex-husband Paul McCartney is worth double the £400 million he claimed in their divorce struggle, according to friends of the former model.

The Daily Mail reports that Miss Mills has told friends she cannot support daughter Beatrice on the £35,000 a year awarded at the High Court, and is hoping to force Sir Paul to increase the payments.

Speaking outside the court immediately after the settlement, Miss Mills told reporters: "He's been worth £800million for the last 15 years."

She has also claimed to have recordings of McCartney saying he is worth £800million.

The 2007 Sunday Times Rich List estimated McCartney's wealth at £825million, including £400million held by his media company MPL Communications, and £138m inherited from his first wife, Linda.

Miss Mills had hired accountancy firm Lee and Allen in an attempt to discredit Sir Paul's own valuation of his wealth.


So in other words Mills is not satisfied with an insane child support number of 35,000 pounds a year which equates to nearly $70,000 in American dollars to raise a child. You have to be fucking kidding me. What is she going to be feeding the kid everyday, filet mignon and lobster? Maybe endangered whale blubber? I get it that she was married for 4 years to one of the wealthiest men in the world but she honestly doesn't deserve shit. She preyed on Paul with her prosthetic leg, her fake blonde hair and her shitty British accent. She makes a lot of the good and honest women out there look bad by her actions. I wish the court system would look at cases like the McCartney-Mills divorce and see how unnecessarily greedy a person like Mills is and award her with a check for $2 and the child's sole parental custody to Sir Paul.

Why $2? So she can get some bus fare because a person of her self worth isn't worthy of even a taxi cab in my opinion.

Mills and A-Rod would be perfect for each other.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

2 GIRLS 1 CUP SONG


I'm already nominating this for Song of the Year. Screw any Coldplay or Rianna or whoever the fuck is popular right now. This song says it all. I might have to play it at my wedding in May just to see the mother-in-law's reaction. And I'm going to go ahead and nominate My New Haircut as funniest video of the year.

GREAT BEER INVENTION: TABLE TAP


If you live here in Atlanta you should go down to STATS, a one of a kind sports bar near the Aquarium where you can pour your own beer.

Yes, I said that right.

You can pour pints of your favorite beer using their Table Tap system without having to wait in line at the bar. And if you are a physically unattractive dude like myself without the benefits of a vagina or huge breasts you know how difficult it can be to get a beer at any bar.

The Table Tap system was made in mind for us alcoholics who hate to wait in line for a cold one. They even have NewCastle Brown Ale on tap. God bless them.

Video HT: Deadspin

GERRY FAUST INTERVIEW


Interview conducted by Nick Ironside, an aspiring writer who also works for New Era Scouting.

1) Talk about your love for Notre Dame – how did it start and why is it still so strong?

Ever since I was a kid, playing CYO football in the fifth or sixth grade, I used to listen to Notre Dame on the radio. I had a great love for them, and also I used to watch them on Sunday morning when they had them on TV – the replays. And then when I was coaching at Moeller [high school], a lot of the kids I coached there went to Notre Dame; and they loved it. They were always treated right, and every one of those kids that went from Moeller to Notre Dame got their degree. And those were 26 student athletes, over a period of about 22 years. So that’s how I began to love Notre Dame, and they were my favorite team. My second two favorite teams were the Army and Navy teams – I used to listen to them and they used to play every year. One year I’d root for Army and the next year I’d root for Navy, but Notre Dame was my number one school.

2) You had the best high school football team in the country back in the ‘70’s at Moeller high school. Why was that team so successful?

Well four of our last five teams were national champs. We had such great tradition, we never had a real bad season, and we started out our first senior class in 1963, in a real tough league – a Catholic league and we were 9-1. That was our first varsity football team, and those kids sort of set the tone, and ever since that time we had nine undefeated seasons – and in two of the undefeated seasons we lost in the playoffs, and five other teams we went all the way. And two other teams went undefeated when there were not playoffs at that time – ’65-’69. Real playoffs didn’t start until ’72 or ’73. The reason we were so successful at Moeller was we starting tuning in that first year, and we didn’t make the young man play both ways. We asked them to play offense or defense, and for four years they would play on that side of the ball, and about 90% of them knew what the offense was, knew what the defense was, and they made very few mistakes.

3) How was the coaching change from high school to college different?

Recruiting is one thing that’s different, because you don’t recruit in high school, and at the college level you have to recruit hard and long – that’s one thing. The other thing is the speed difference and the size difference. It’s so dramatic of a change. The third thing is when I was coaching in the high school level we were spending our time preparing for the next game, where in college football you have to do it all day long, the practice and for games, because that’s all you do- football. At Moeller, when I was the athletic director things took a lot of time. At the college level the speed was so much faster, and since you had more time, the whole complexity of the game was more complicated. It’s a big jump from high school to college – even to play as well as to coach it. And I would think the same thing is from college to the pros.


4) How would you describe your tenure at Notre Dame on and off the field? How about at Moeller high school?

Well first at Moeller – it was unbelievable because we had such a great coaching staff, and we had great kids – everyone in the district wanted to come to Moeller high school. When I left Moeller we were undefeated on all three levels – our freshmen team was undefeated for two or three years, our sophomore team was undefeated – we had 220 kids playing football on all three levels. I would’ve never left Moeller except for Notre Dame – I loved Moeller, but going to Notre Dame was the dream of a lifetime, and my five years at Notre Dame we didn’t win as many games as I’d like to have seen us win, but I loved every minute of it. It’s a great place – the people that worked there, the professors, the groundskeepers – they go there because they love the University and it’s a great University, and with the Holy Cross priests and brothers – it didn’t come any better. So my five years at Notre Dame, even though we won more then we lost, we didn’t get the job done the way I felt we should’ve got it done, and so that’s why I stepped down. It was a great five years, and the pressure was tough. When you don’t win when you love a place, it makes it even a little tougher. But when people ask me would I do it again, the answer is without a doubt. Without even hesitating. Would I do things differently? Yes, I would. And I’d do a lot of things differently – The third thing is if the results had been the same would I have done it again? Yes. Because it was the five years where I got to live the dream. And I go back [to Notre Dame] all the time, and I go back to Moeller all the time, and ironically I’m down at Akron, so I go to Akron a lot too – to the University with the football and basketball coaches. But I go to five or six Notre Dame games a year, and I go to four or five Moeller games a year, and four or five Akron games a year. So the three places where I coached some, I’m still pretty close to all three places.

5) What advice would you give to coaches now who try and switch from high school to college?

I would tell them to research and take their time at hiring assistant coaches. Now don’t get me wrong, I had great coaches at Notre Dame, and they’ve done an excellent job. But one of the things I had at Moeller that I didn’t have at Notre Dame was cohesiveness. And I think when your staff come together, and being a rookie when I did it, I didn’t have that cohesiveness, and not everybody was on the same page. I think you have to be on the same page at any level of coaching. Same goals, same principles, same ideas, and loyalty.

6) What would you say are keys to recruiting football players?

Well first of all a lot of mistakes are made in recruiting because it’s hard to predict how the kid is going to progress in college, and being a part of your program – that’s the first thing. The second thing is you have to recruit where you have weaknesses, so you can create depth. Third thing is, you’ve got to recruit quality human beings. The kid could be a great football player, but maybe he’s a bum. It’s not worth the trouble and it causes you more trouble. And you’ve got to work hard at it. It’s not an easy job, and you have to be thorough. So I thought our recruiting was real good while I was there, and I think we had five really great years. We were able to close in on a lot of great kids and a lot of great athletes. And it paid off as the years went on, because coach Holtz molded them into the national championship football team a few years later.

7) What would you say to a recruit to get him to go to Notre Dame?

Well first of all, you have to know the family and you have to know the young man. Thirdly, you have to know what his goals are. Fourthly you have to let him know where he stands in terms of in the future of the program and where he fits in. And fifthly, you have to convince him that if he’s Catholic a Catholic education is important. If he’s academically very strong you have to convince him that he’s going to get the best education.

8) What is the moment you remember best at Notre Dame?

Everybody asks me that question, and most people think it’s running out of the tunnel for the first time – but that’s not it. The first day of spring football, I invited the community – the South Bend community to come and watch practice, and over 5,000 people came out there and we had to get the security, and the policemen to keep them back so we could practice. And it was a rainy, cold, windy day. I was working with the kickers and then the whole football team met at the gate, and started to run on the field, to do calisthenics warm ups, to loosen up. I wanted to be the first one over there, so I ran over across the field, and I could see the dome up there and I looked up to the heavens, and since it was my first day at Notre Dame in practice I thanked the good lord, and the blessed mother for giving me this great opportunity. And as soon as I did that, said “Dear lady, dear lord; thank you for this great opportunity,” the sun broke through the clouds and shined on the golden dome; the blessed mother.

Other Nick Ironside articles:

-Put on a higher platform(a look at USC recruit Matt Barkley)


-Russell Shepard Interview: Part II