I'm sitting here in my living room mast...er...um...watching the UEFA Championship between Manchester United and Chelsea and I figured I would share a picture of my honeymoon from Europe. As you can see in the picture above which was taken in Heidelberg, Germany in a castle still intact after being bombed by the French in the late 1700's is the fact that the Germans really love their booze. Behind me is a giant wooden keg that holds up to 55,000 gallons of booze. As you can see I was wearing my Drink Like A Champion shirt because everyday in Germany they drink like it's their last. Apparently Europe has rubbed it's mayonnaise hands all over my body and soul because now I am sitting here watching a soccer match in penalty kicks and I am completely enthralled in two teams from England competing for a championship I could have cared less about less than 3 weeks ago.
Game over. Manchester United just won on penalty kicks in the driving rain in Moscow. Ronaldo can now lick some balls with his gay ass European haircut. Apparently the mullet has come back in fashion in Europe as all the cool kids are wearing it while spiking their hair up in the front like it's mohawk. Not this square American asshole!
I know most of them are pointless but I just felt the need to post this old sketch from Mr. Show. It's probably not safe for work but we could care less because little on this website is safe for work. And if your boss has a problem with SportsCrack well you can tell him to suck a fart out of my ass. But say it politely after you take two weeks paid vacation...
Major kudos goes out to PinkMeatCompany.com for unveiling these pictures of Terri B who just happens to be the girlfriend of Houston Astros center fielder Hunter Pence. See these are the perks of being a major league baseball player. It's not so much the money or the fame or the cars or the houses. It's the spectacular poon you can pull even if you are not the greatest looking thing in the world. Terri is apparently a part-time model/bartender/none of us give a shit just show us more pictures. Okay, here you go...
I'm sure Hunter uses her bikinis to floss his teeth.
Bless her, she is too poor to even buy clothes. Hunter has surely helped her affliction.
PinkMeatCompany is now my new favorite name for a website. Simply brilliant!
I love it when players and coaches tell it like it is. Jim Leyland, manager of the last place Detroit Tigers even though they were suppose to contend in many people's minds as the best team in the Majors this season with the Red Sox, goes off on the report that former Tigers player Jason Grilli says the Detroit team lost something once Sean Casey was gone.
The only thing that makes me Leyland mad is when somebody takes my last beer out of MY fridge and then doesn't confess to it. Sure, I might strangle you if you confess but it's better than when I blackout and wake up in a pool full of somebody else's blood.
The Daily Dump is SportsCrack's review of the day before today while sitting on the porcelain throne, sometimes painful, sometimes oh so sweet...
MLB -Mike Piazza retires. America's favorite, or shall I say New Yorkers favorite poster boy for all things allegedly gay, ballplayer is now officially retired after sitting on his ass for the past 6 weeks of the 2008 season. A sure-fire first ballot Hall-of-Famer, Piazza finished his career with 427 dingers in which 397 of them were from the catcher position(MLB record). And by catcher I mean bent over with a ball gag in his mouth. And by dingers I mean dongs. I'm sorry, but he was a Met and he is going to go down in history as the guy who Rocket had one of his steroid induced rages at during some bullshit World Series that nobody outside of New York and New Jersey watched.
-Speaking of the Mets, how about that ass kicking doubleheader sweep they suffered from the Atlanta Braves yesterday? A thing of beauty in my book, the Braves used two good starting pitching performances by veteran Tom Glavine and new comer Jorge Campillo to quiet the Met's bats. Chipper aka Larry Jones continues to use the Mets as his personal beat off sock by collecting 3 more hits and raising his average to .408 which is slightly under the rate of strange vagina he hits on during road trips.
-The O's crushed and knocked out former Oriole Mike Mussina and his Yankees comrades by scoring a 7 spot in the first inning thanks to Gold Glover Derek Jeter...oh shit, how in the hell has he won a Gold Glove again? Well, anyways he committed a costly throwing error to keep the inning going with two outs in the first and for doing so got hit in his glove hand by a 96 MPH fastball from Daniel Cabrera in his second at-bat. This of course pissed off the Yankees because they love Jeter's mangina so much they throw at the forgettable Luke Scott's head thus causing the benches and bullpens to clear. No punches thrown, one player ejected, countless Yankees fans left with their gashes torn and broken. Youngster Adam Jones(not the Pacman guy) collected 4 hits and 4 RBI's while George Sherrill still leads the Major Leagues in saves. Yeah, that Erik Bedard trade is looking pretty sweet right now.
-What in the hell has Dan Uggla been eating? I know Cuban sandwiches are good but I didn't realize they could make you stroke the ball so well.Uggs hit his 11th homer of the month in helping the Marlins defeat another division leading team in first place Arizona Diamondbacks 3-2. Uggla now has 14 roundtrippers and the Marlins have now been in first place since the season started. The crowd of just over 10,000 in south Florida doesn't seem to care too much. Pathetic.
NBA -The Celtics beat the Pistons on their home court, I know, shocker there, to take the 1st game of the Eastern Conference Finals. I of course watched about 10 minutes of the game because Eastern Basketball bores the shit out of me. The real fun starts tonight as the Spurs travel to LA to take on the Lakers.
-Somehow, someway, the Bulls won the NBA lottery last night thus getting the chance to draft either Michael Beasley or Derrick Rose. Let me be one of the countless of others to say it: The Draft Lottery System is fucking stupid. The Bulls had a 1.7% chance of winning it and yet they did. Can you say rigged? The worst team should get the first pick and not the 9th worst team as the Bulls were this past season. Who would you take with the first pick? Beasley looks like another Elton Brand but Derrick Rose looks like he could be another Chris Paul. I would take Beasley because the Bulls already have a point in Kirk Hinrich but it would be damn hard to pass on a Rose.
NFL -The NFL owners opted out of the labor deal for 2010 and one of the main reasons was because of doggy killer Michael Vick. See, the Falcons only recouped 3 million back on a 20 million dollar bonus they gave to Vick when he signed his contract despite now being in jail. I say fuck the owners and guys like Arthur Blank. You were stupid enough to give him all that money and then you learn your lesson by giving Matt Ryan the biggest bonus ever. Fuck the rich owners. The players when they walk away, if they can, will never be the same. The owners just get fatter and screw more dead hookers than the USC football team. I'm on the player's side on this one.
-The St. Louis Rams might be moving back to LA. I know it's kind of old news but why would they want to move out of St. Louis? They won a Super Bowl there and the fan support is pretty decent from what I can tell. LA could care less about an NFL team plus they already have one in South Central.
NHL -Jesus Christ! The Stanley Cup Finals don't start till Saturday! I guess we can spend a week talking about a matchup that the NHL loves. I'm pulling for the Penguins and Marian Hossa.
COLLEGE FOOTBALL -Just get here already. Please. And give me a playoff. Now.
Well, it's now official. Matt Ryan is one of the highest paid NFL Quarterbacks in the game now after agreeing to a six year, $72 million contract that includes $34.75 million in guarantees. And by guarantees, I mean shit like this happening at the Georgia Dome for the next 5 years till he is released...
A lot of quarterbacks throw 19 interceptions their senior season and then get rewarded with a huge signing bonus by a team which has no clue how to compete in the NFL. Actually, no, Matt Ryan is the only one. Good luck dealing with the pressure and make sure you keep your food down...
The last time I attended Preakness was in 2001 and I can honestly say I don't remember this ritual of running on top of the shitters. More than likely I was way too drunk to remember a lot of shit happening in the infield but I can remember seeing a guy break his nose by receiving a punch from a topless lady. It was one of the most remarkable things I have ever witnessed. Jon Lester couldn't hold a candle to this broad who with one punch and two big boobs made a lasting impression that will surely go on my gravestone.
Preakness isn't just a horse race people. It's a rite of passage. And some people, like the idiot above who surely broke his neck in the fall must die so we can live another day and give us mere mortals more water cooler talk. He did not die in vain or stupidity because he will now live in eternity with this video. God bless all the drunk idiots.
Yes, Thank You Cali-for-nia. Now I know Ellen can live happily ever after without losing constant hours of sleep. And it's great to know gays will now have to take off their rings for the fuckfest.
Okay, maybe calling Jon Lester a cancer boy is a little harsh considering he is fully recovered from lymphoma. But what he did last night against the Kansas City Royals, who at last time I checked are an average team unlike the shitty Tigers, was remarkable even if he pitches for that Masshole team up there in Chowderland. Lester, fully recovered after chemotherapy cured him less than two years ago, pitched the majors first no-hitter of the season last night while striking out Alberto Callaspo to end the game for the second consecutive Red Sux no-hitter(Clay Buchholz pitched one late last season against some team, I don't know I can't really remember). Amazingly this is only the second time ever the Royals have been held hitless, with Nolan Ryan doing the honors all the way back in 1973.
But the real story is about Lester and how he can inspire all those little bandwagon Red Sox fans out there to go get cancer by smoking two packs a day and then kick it in the ass by throwing 96 MPH fastballs past major league hitters. Shit, if Lester can do it why can't Ricky, Bobby, Mikey, Joey, and Willy from Rhode Island go out there and do the same thing. Lester had this to say about coming back...
"It was a long road back," Lester said. "It was tough mentally and tough physically to go out and pitch every five days. It was a long road. I'm just glad that I'm here at this moment right now, and in five days I'll go and pitch again."
I know it's the Red Sox and all but I love stories like this. So many of us have been affected by cancer it is nearly impossible not to root for a guy like Lester. I tip my hat to him and say congratulations. Now go blow out that arm of yours to make the Red Sox regret not trading you for Johan Santana.
By the way, how about Jason Varitek catching his 4th no-hitter? I'm sure Mariner fans still love the fact they traded Tek for Heathcliff Slocumb.
Here is the final out along with a great F bomb thrown in there by one of his teammates. Yes, no-hitters are unfucking believable.... Video HT: AwfulAnnouncing
I don't consider it a gambling problem till you start blowing random Asians in bathroom stalls. And no, I haven't seen or done anything like that...this year.
Good morning everybody. I hope all of you took my advice yesterday and took the Spurs with the 4 plus points as a road dog. The Spurs now move on to face the Lakers and Kobe which should become another 7 game series which should keep execs at TNT happy. Sticking to my guns I'm taking the Spurs over the Lakers even though I'm concerned by Timmy Duncan's play. Duncan looked like garbage last night and yet they still won by a comfortable margin against a really good Hornets squad. It just shows you how good the Spurs really are.
The Eastern Conference Finals, or rights to lose in the NBA Finals, matches the Celtics and Pistons. You know most of the free world wants the Lakers vs. Celtics in the Finals because they are the two most storied franchises in the game but I think it will be the Spurs vs. Pistons in what should be a boring ass Finals.
I just got back from a ten hour flight full of sweaty, B.O. stricken Europeans and fat Americans and am now sitting comfortably naked in front of my laptop eating peanut butter while my dogs get dangerously close. I'm just joking. I just got back from the movie theater watching Made of Honor with my wife with that hilarious and down right hunky Patrick Dempsey. See, I told everybody marriage wouldn't change me. And yes, Dempsey's hair is TOO die for. Does he just wake up with that marvelous mop every morning and kiss babies and make the world a better place?
Okay, I've been gone for way too long and need to get my sports fix back on. Europe was a blast no doubt but I honestly could care less about Hand Ball unless it involves me waking up and going to YouPorn. And soccer is still soccer and not fucking football! I tried to attend a game in Munich for some team called Bayern but then I realized there are 4 great Beer Gardens within the city so that was quickly nixed. I couldn't get one fucking baseball highlight over there which means I missed countless hours of talk about the Yankees slide and how the Red Sox are the greatest thing to happen to baseball since Jeffrey Mayer changed the fate of the game. But it was great to get back and turn on the tube and see my Baltimore Orioles are still playing great baseball despite having a starting lineup with more holes than a Greg Popovich close up. Hell, I ran into this wonderful, crazy mess of Marylanders preparing for Preakness by taking in an Orioles sweep of Boston last week... HT to Mr. Irrelevant for the great footage. Yeah, things have changed in Baltimore and it's not really smart to go in with a David Ortiz jersey talking shit. But we all know Boston fans are not like this and clearly he was enjoying himself some Dippin Dots and cotton candy before he was ambushed by those ruthless Orioles fans. Anyways, Boston Blows.
Speaking of Preakness, how about that ass kicking Big Brown pulled in Pimlico? I know the majority of you could care less about a horse running around a track unless it blows one of it's legs out but having attended numerous races in Pimlico I tend to love watching a horse dominate while a little man whips it while wearing chaps. But maybe that is just me and Marv Albert who enjoy this type of thing. Seriously though, I'm really pulling for Big Brown to kick ass in Belmont because like a lot of you I have never witnessed a horse take the Triple Crown. Sure the field he is going against might not be the greatest but I think we can all envision a new career for Barry Bonds as a thoroughbred.
It looks like my prediction of Spurs taking it all might be on the line tonight in New Orleans. If I was betting on the game I would run with that 4.5 point dog tonight in the Big Easy. The Spurs know how to win games like these. They will do tons of Manu flops and flagrant foul Chris Paul to death tonight for sure. I'm actually looking forward to this game. The energy should be amazing and if the Hornets don't come out with a deer in headlights look it should be a great game to the finish. Plus we get to hear the great Charles Barkley talk basketball and other irrelevant stuff which never gets old.
It looks like that Penguins trade for Marian Hossa and Pascal Dupuis from Atlanta has really worked out. Hossa looks like he has finally brushed off the playoff monkey off his back and Dupuis has played great too helping Pittsburgh reach the Stanley Cup Finals. The NHL is getting it's wish with their most marketable star in Sidney Crosby already in the Finals at just the age of 20. I'm sure Versus and NBC will be talking about the parallels between Sid and the Great One's career so far.
And I think I should finish off this post with a thank you note to USC for getting away with more shit in the OJ Mayo saga. I'm loving their claims of ignorance and not having any knowledge of wrong doing. Pete Carroll must have done such a hell of job brain washing the NCAA infraction committee for so long that Tim Floyd thought he could get away with shit too. But yeah, FUSC and their pretty girls and their great weather and smog covered beaches and their high priced "student"-athletes.
I leave with this video as a goodbye for a while. See, I'm getting married tomorrow at high noon. If you have been married for any period of time spare me the condolences. I'm already hook, line, and sinker into this. And if you are wondering if I am nervous then I must reassure you I am not. My fine lady makes me happy and most of all she puts up with my shit...which should win her a Nobel Peace Prize in my book. So yeah, the blog posts will be few and far between for the next couple of weeks while we are backpacking through Europe drinking the finest German beer while loving the beautiful scenery of Switzerland. So the honeymoon awaits with a beautiful lady in hand and a bottle of Absinthe in my backpack...
Okay people, put down the beer or the needle, whatever floats your boat, and be prepared for one of the most shocking things to happen since Michael Vick got busted for dog fighting. You might want to sit down for this one and grab a handful of kleenex. It's one of the most shocking developments in college football history. Yes, the homely saint known across the Bayou as Ryan Perrilloux, is now LSU's FORMER starting quarterback!
I never saw this coming!
Time to turn down the sarcasm meter and let's try to conquer a question the whole raving, foaming college football world has wanted to know: What in the hell did Perrilloux do to get his ass kicked out of LSU?
If you are the starting quarterback for a SEC team let alone a major Division 1 college you are guaranteed some things. One of them is plenty of white women. They may seem like good Catholic girls but deep down they all just want a salty piece of a football player. And by salty I mean semen. I didn't want to confuse anybody out there. Second thing you are guaranteed is the right to get away with a lot of shit most players wouldn't. See, if you are the starting quarterback you have as much say, hell more say, in a win or a loss as the head coach. If you play good the team usually wins. You play bad or have noodle legs from banging one too many white Catholic girls the night before your team will probably lose. This is not the case for the most part with the other football players. Most of them are interchangeable. Another thing you are guaranteed is some slack, if not downright forgiveness, for fucking up off the field.
So here is where Perrilloux enters, or better yet exits the discussion. This kid has had to fuck up more times than Amy Winehouse with heroin in order to get kicked out of LSU. The rumor is he failed another drug test. Supposedly the kid loves marijuana more than he loved playing football. In layman's terms it's called Quincy Carter disease. But this can't be the only reason why head coach Les Miles made the final decision. I'm imagining something way more horrific. Either this kid has dumped tens if not hundreds of dead hooker bodies in the water somewhere or he got caught molesting Miles wife and/or daughter. It's got to be the dead hooker story because Miles would be willing to sacrifice a family member for the good of the team. Hell, all good coaches worth their salt do it.
Perrilloux, let's be frank here, has an enormous amount of talent and could be one of the best QB's in the nation. He can throw and run with the best of them and has an NFL ready body that should make millions for him, his family, and of course his posse. But with all the talent he also has the brain the size of a teenage driver on their cellphone. Okay, maybe not that small but you get my point. The kid is an idiot. Before he even enrolled at LSU he proclaimed he would be the starting quarterback his freshman season because the other quarterbacks on the roster weren't impressive. Jamarcus Russell and Matt Flynn didn't take too kindly to the juvenile thoughts of one Perrilloux. Instead of taking a leadership role as ALL quarterbacks should he decided to smoke a ton of weed, counterfeit some money, and enter casinos with false identification while at LSU. And this is the stuff we only know about for sure. There had to be a ton of other illegal things like smuggling babies across the Mexican border or a secret cellar where he kept his latest victim because LSU doesn't kick players out. Especially the soon-to-be starting quarterback of the returning BCS National Champs.
LSU and Perrilloux will pick up the pieces of their failed marriage and move on and be better people for it. The Tigers have so much God given talent they will again compete for a SEC Title even without Perrilloux. Perrilloux has so much God given physical talent that some school will give him a second chance. Yes, Dennis Erickson just made the call followed by June Jones and Urban Meyer.
So what lesson can we learn from all this?
College Football is a hell of a drug that Perrilloux can't swallow!
So many women are coming out of the "I banged Roger Clemens" closet(seriously Rocket, John Daly's ex-wife, that is just fucking gross) it is just a matter of time before Hillary Clinton admits using the Rocket for a revenge fuck.
The BCS has turned down any role of playoff because as ACC commissioner John Swofford declares, the BCS is an "unprecedented state of health." By state of health they mean the 11 conferences and Notre Dame are getting their pockets filled with confederate money. I find it humorous Notre Dame is even involved with these playoff talks and I think AD Kevin White should mind his own fucking business. Until Notre Dame actually wins a bowl game or joins a conference they have no right to even be involved in the discussion for a college football playoff. And yes, this is coming from a huge Notre Dame fan and supporter in myself.
How about those Orioles? Right now they can hit worth a shit(11th in the AL in runs scored) and don't have a regular player hitting over .300 but this team has something, an "it" factor, that makes you want to root for them to win every game. They sit in a tie for first place in their division and the players they acquired during the offseason(Scott, Jones, Sarfate, Albers, Sherrill, etc.) are all contributing. More good news for Orioles fans is the fact that high priced draft picks Matt Wieters and Jake Arrieta are both dominating in the minors and the O's organization finally seems to be on the right path in regards to paying for the best prospects and scouting the Dominicans.
While I appreciate the enthusiasm he displays, Matthew Stafford still has a long way to go before anybody should consider him a top 10 NFL pick. Stafford has been really consistent at being inconsistent and still needs to learn how to put some touch on the ball especially in the intermediate 5-15 yards crossing pattern plays. I'm not saying he isn't going to be a great quarterback but I think it is a little presumptuous to think he is going to have a great junior year and declare for the draft. On the other hand teammate Knowshon "Special K" Moreno looks like the real deal and should be right up there with Beanie Wells out of Ohio State as the best RB in college football and a good bet to come out after this season.
Talking about a shitty way to go out, how about dying at the hands, or make it jaws, of your favorite team's name? Adrian Ruiz died after being bitten by a gray shark and just happens to be a huge San Jose Sharks fan. Thank god Orioles and Thrashers aren't fierce birds and the Fightin Irish are too drunk to land a punch let alone piss in a commode.
It appears the great John Smoltz will be returning from the DL as a closer. Smoltzie was a beast for the 3 seasons when he closed for the Braves and nothing besides a bum shoulder and surgically repaired elbow is in his way of doing it again. I hate to say it but the Braves are already looking extremely old and thin in their rotation(Glavine and Hampton are no spring chickens either) and will be out of the playoff race come September. Unless of course they make a trade. Earn your paycheck Frank Wren.
Spurs are still winning the NBA Championship. Why should I even watch other than to listen to Charles Barkley? Substance over style wins Championships...
Wow! You seriously do not want to get Peyton Manning's thong in a bunch. Personally I think I have more respect for Peyton now after seeing this clip where as others would be offended. He is the quarterback, the franchise actually, and he calls the plays and not the "f-ing" center Jeff Saturday. Guys like Peyton and Tom Brady can get away with this shit because they know how to win games and get paid the big bucks and bang the finest poon. Quarterbacks like Jeff George or Ryan Leaf pulls this shit and everybody laughs and calls them a "cockbag" to their face while they settle for some festering barfly at the local TGI Fridays. This is where knowing your role on the team becomes crucial.
So in other words don't piss off Peyton Manning. But if Rex Grossman starts talking shit to your face then you have the right to call him a no good lush who couldn't hit the broadside of a barn. Who said the NFL was the No Fun League?
I've tried my hardest to avoid the whole Clemens having an affair story but this video was just too good not to post. Ryan Parker throws the high hard one back at Clemens with this great, coming of age video showing how the Rocket Man could let his erections, oh my bad, I mean his connections could get little Mindy real far. It's a love story only a man with the testosterone level of the Rocket Man could conceive. Or maybe a 73 year old Austrian man with a dungeon. To each it's own.
I know everyone wants to talk about Roger Clemens and his totally platonic affair with country singer Mindy McCready but I'm honestly sick of talking about that lying redneck. Instead, why don't we focus on one of the good guys in the game, Mr. Torii "Suzie" Hunter. Hunter has now had a 9 month relationship with Suzie and things really seem to be heating up now that he is in Southern California. His wife and kids have no idea so please be sure to keep this on the down low.
Seriously, what the fuck were the Rams thinking when they picked out the name of Donnie Avery out of Scott Linehan's cap? Just because his name magically appeared out of the hat doesn't mean you have to pick him. I have no idea how you can pass on talents like Desean Jackson, Malcolm Kelly, and yes, even Limas Sweed for a guy like Avery. I honestly had never even heard of him before the Rams took him.
This draft didn't make a lot of sense to me but maybe it's only because I have no idea how to evaluate talent. First off if I was the Falcon's GM there is no way I would have passed on Glenn Dorsey. Dorsey and McFadden were the two most talented players in the draft in my mind and also the ones which could provide the most impact. The Falcons went out and signed backup Michael Turner to a huge deal in the offseason thus negating the chance of drafting McFadden. They took Matt Ryan who could be the next Tim Couch or David Carr. Then they trade up to get a first round pick and take left tackle Sam Baker who was graded as a mid to late 2nd round pick. Instead of getting a Dorsey and say a Brian Brohm who will be a much better pro than Ryan they get a good to average left tackle and a quarterback who is inconsistent and throws a ton of interceptions. With the 37th and 48th picks they could have picked up a Trevor Laws or a Desean Jackson who could be immediate impact players. Instead they got a slow linebacker in Curtis Lofton who can't cover a snail and they still will have no tight ends or defensive tackles to play next year.
How in the hell did the Bears pass on Brian Brohm? Rex Grossman sucks balls and instead of drafting a future NFL starting QB you take fucking Matt Forte out of Tulane? A fucking RB? Are you kidding me Chicago? The rest of their draft looked really good especially getting WR Earl Bennett in the third round but I almost started crying from laughing so hard when the Bears passed on Brohm in the second round.
This clip via BarStoolSports just reaffirms what we already knew about Celtics fans: they are retarded. And please don't get offended by the word retard because if you are you should be happy you are not retarded. Retards don't get pissed when you call them retards so please don't get offended for them. When people call me retarded I just laugh uncontrollably, wipe the drool off my mouth, pick my ass and then smell my hand, and then take off my Larry Bird jersey to show them I am not retarded or from Boston.
On the eve of NFL Draft Day the great bloggers over at JoeSportsFan brings us the MySpace page of Mel Kiper Jr. Of course Kiper gets paid the big bucks to voice his opinion/knowledge on who will be good and who will fail in the NFL whereas I don't get paid jack to state something simple like the fact that Matt Ryan is going to suck balls in the NFL. I would take Brian Brohm and Joe Flacco before I took Ryan. Ryan is too inconsistent and throws a ton of interceptions. Last time I checked NFL QB's don't do very well with those two traits.
Got to love the commentary by the camera guy. Yes, we get it, he likes to heckle.
I know what you are thinking, who the hell is Joe Smith? Apparently he plays for the New York Mets which is a Major League team and you should not mess with him according to the great Joe Smith. I'm not sure why he needs to start a fight with Cubs fans since they have suffered these past 100 years. It's like making fun of somebody who you know is going to die only Cubs fans have been dying since...well...since they decided to pledge their allegiance to the Lovable Losers.
The Georgia Bulldogs added one more football player to their already stellar 2009 class today by securing the verbal commitment of Tampa QB Aaron Murray, who picked the Bulldogs over rival Florida. Murray is one of the most highly rated QB's in the nation and after watching his video he looks to be the most impressive in my mind. At 6'1 he is not one of the tallest QB's but the kid is an athlete who can scramble, throws a hell of a deep ball, and is extremely accurate with a ton of velocity with his passes. He looks better on film than USC commit and overall #1 player Matt Barkley and I won't be surprised when Rivals and Scout come out with their new evaluations showing Murray as a top 10 player in the nation.
"Without a doubt, he has the quickest release and most velocity of any quarterback who I've seen in the 2009 class," Luginbill said. "The negative on him is that he lacks height, but there are ways to compensate for that within the scheme. You can't coach a guy to get rid of the football the way he does, a player can either do it or he can't. And Murray has an exceptionally quick release."
"You're looking at a guy who is every bit the passer that Matt Stafford is with more athleticism," Luginbill said. "He may give Mark Richt and that offensive coaching staff more athleticism from the quarterback position.
"He's a blend between a pocket-passer and a dual-threat guy. I wouldn't call him D.J. Shockley, but he's much more athletic than David Greene and Matt Stafford. So, you're looking at a guy who is somewhere between a Shockley and a Stafford [in terms of athletic ability]."
Murray threw for over 4000 yards, 51 touchdowns with only 7 interceptions and should have a chance to compete right away with Logan Gray and Joe Cox at UGA once Stafford leaves for the NFL. To get a feel with what Aaron Murray sounds like while talking to Tony Gwynn on helium, take a look at this YouTube video...
And here are some highlights from his junior season. The kid looks like another Drew Brees to me minus the birthmark...
"It was just a great experience" visiting Notre Dame, said Riddick, who led Immaculata to a 12-0 season and a state Non-Public Group III title in 2006 and a 11-1 season and a berth in the Non-Public Group III title game last season. "I blended straight in. That's when I knew I wanted to go there."
Riddick also plays safety and cornerback for Immaculata High School and has the quickness, speed, and athleticism to play multiple positions at Notre Dame if runningback doesn't work out. After watching his film I think he could be a great cornerback in college, much like an athlete in the mold of a Tom Carter or Todd Lyght. Riddick is the 4th commitment to what is already forming to be another excellent recruiting class under Charlie Weis.
How is Marcus Camby considered one of the top 3 defensive players in the league and yet the Nuggets defense is horrible? Kobe went for 49 last night while toying with announcers Marv Albert and Reggie Miller who were doing play-by-play for TNT. I'm still looking forward to see how Kobe responds to the Denver crowd with what should be plenty of heckling considering the whole rape issue. But yeah, the Lakers are looking like serious title contenders.
This is from the Atlanta Braves-Washington Nationals game from a couple of nights ago. MLB might want to investigate the 1st base umpire for having money on the game...
I can only imagine what Bobby Cox shouted at him.
Something like this sounds about right: "R-U-A-FUKING-RETARD?"
It's one thing to get screwed by a call at home but it is another thing when everybody sees a horrible call all at once. Announcer Joe Simpson sounded like he got caught in Ned's dungeon via Pulp Fiction for heaven's sake.
And for anybody thinking umpire Dan Iossagno isn't taking money, well, I just found he lives down the street from me in Marietta, GA. I must have rubbed off on him.
Jorge Arangure Jr. of ESPN Magazine has an excellent article on the bitter feud between native Colombian baseball players Edgar Renteria and Orlando Cabrera. I've wondered why the country of Colombia doesn't produce baseball players like Venezuela does and I guess this provides a certain insight as to maybe why. It's too bad Renteria and Cabrera can't get along and I must admit I see Renteria in a totally different way after reading the article. Renteria kind of comes off as a dick while it appears Cabrera is trying to reconcile the differences by at least talking.
If I were them I would just get some Colombian bam-bam, some hookers, and some booze, maybe cross swords and just make up already. Those silly Pablo Escobars' down there will never learn.
It's been a while since I poured some oil on some ducks or thrown my empty beer bottles back in the lake or on the side of the road where they belong. But now after watching this inspiring video from the crazy old Grandpa all of us wish we had, I think I might go out there and rip my Hummer through a field of sunflowers before I urinate on them. I feel so much better now that I can contribute to society in a meaningful way.
There is the new face of your franchise Miami Dolphins fans. Jake Long may not be pretty in the face but the big boy sure can block when not facing Vernon Gholston and was awarded today with a huge bag of cold hard cash from Bill Parcells today to become the #1 pick in this upcoming NFL Draft. So now with the first piece down I figured we would take a look at the rest of the draft with my predictions on how it might shake out.
2. St. Louis Rams-Glen Dorsey is right up there with Darren McFadden as the most talented player in the draft. His motor never stops and he would be welcomed with open arms in St. Louis who has whiffed as an organization on D-lineman in the past. Dorsey will be a stud if he can stay healthy.
3. Atlanta Falcons-Begrudgingly I think the Falcons are going to take Matt Ryan. Yes, the same guy who is as accurate as Michael Vick was in college but without the ability to run the ball but on the other hand the ability to throw a lot more interceptions. The Falcons should draft a linemen with this pick such as Sedrick Ellis or Chris Long, or trade it for more picks, and then draft one of Brian Brohm or Joe Flacco in the second round. But that would mean they are an intelligently run franchise and if you follow NFL history the Falcons clearly have never been associated with anything intelluctual. Matt Ryan benefits from it with a huge signing bonus. The Falcons still blow.
4. Oakland Raiders-Darren McFadden or Chris Long, who would you take? Long, the son of Hall of Famer Howie, would seem like the perfect fit in Oakland. McFadden with his questionable background also seems like the perfect fit for an Al Davis team. McFadden would be my pick because he is going to have the same impact as Adrian Peterson did last season. But I would also make sure he didn't kill any dogs before draft day.
5. Kansas City Chiefs-Chris Long, duh! He will replace the traded Jared Allen. I like Long a lot but I'm not convinced he will be an impact player right away in the NFL.
6. New York Jets-Vernon Gholston. And yes, the Jets fans will boo but they shouldn't. Gholston, when he decides to go full speed is an extremely dangerous pass rusher who could rack up Dwight Freeney type numbers in the NFL.
7. New England Patriots-More than likely the Patriots will try to trade out of this spot because A)they can get more picks and B)they don't want to give a huge signing bonus to a rookie. They need a LB but at this spot Keith Rivers and Dan Connor would be reaches, so I'm going to say Aqib Talib at CB.
8. Baltimore Ravens-I would absolutely love to see McFadden slip to the Ravens but I don't see it happening. The Ravens will take Sedrick Ellis at DT. Ellis could be better than Dorsey in the pros. Don't laugh, the kid is a beast who dominated for the most part in his USC career and was the most impressive lineman at the NFL Combine.
9. Cincy Bengals-The Bengals want Ellis really bad. Unfortunately unless they make a trade with the Patriots or Ravens they can't get him. Hell, the Falcons could take Ellis for all we know. You would think they have to draft somebody with questionable off-field behavior. Somebody who gets DUI's and scuffles with the Po-Po. Nobody from Penn State is graded this high though so you can't there. Mario Manningham seems like a good fit to replace Chad Johnson if they trade him and he has been kicked in and out of the Michigan football program numerous of times. But he projects to late first round/early 2nd. They will take USC LB Keith Rivers if he is available. And no, I don't think Rivers is going to be an All-Pro by any means but he will be a solid LB.
10. New Orleans Saints-Rashard Mendenhall to replace Reggie Bush. Kidding of course. Jonathan Stewart maybe? Just joking. They need cornerbacks so I will go with South Florida's Mike Jenkins.
11. Buffalo Bills-The Bills are really high on Oklahoma's Malcolm Kelly as am I. I think Kelly will be a really good NFL player and a great pick for the Bills.
12. Denver Broncos-The need a left tackle and Boise State's Ryan Clady is a pretty good one.
13. Carolina Panthers-The avoid the sexy pick by taking a guard in Virginia's Branden Albert.
14. Chicago Bears-They really need to get Sexy Rexy the fuck out of Chicago by drafting a QB. Instead they will draft an offensive lineman, a man named Jeff Otah out of Pittsburgh to play left tackle.
15. Detroit Lions-A WR of course! I got them taking a linebacker in Derrick Harvey out of Florida. A safe bet for sure, Harvey was a really good collegiate player who could develop at either OLB or DE.
16. Arizona Cardinals-Leodis McElvin out of Troy could become the shutdown corner Antrel Rolle was suppose to become.
17. Minnesota Vikings-Calais Campbell out of Miami is a freak of a defensive end who has the athletic ability to dominate in the NFL. But does he have the heart? The Vikings will find out by either drafting him or Phillip Merling.
18. Houston Texans-Rashard Mendenhall seems like a good fit for the Texans at RB. I also like Jonathan Stewart out of Oregon. Really can't go wrong with either, but I will go with Mendenhall.
19. Philadelphia Eagles-Desean Jackson seems like the perfect playmaker for Donovan McNabb to throw touchdowns at and to return kicks. Jackson has Devin Hester written all over him except he is a way better receiver.
20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers-They need a cornerback so that Rogers-Cromartie guy makes sense here. And no, I have never seem him play.
21. Washington Redskins-They want to trade this pick to the Bengals for Chad Johnson but if they don't they will take Phillip Merling out of Clemson to play defensive end.
22. Dallas Cowboys-I would take Jonathan Stewart but since Jerry Jones loves the Razorbacks it looks like Felix Jones will be the pick.
23. Pittsburgh Steelers-Jonathan Stewart is finally off the board. When healthy Stewart can do it all and should become a fan favorite in Steel Town.
24. Tennessee Titans-They need receivers for Vince Young. I'm not a fan of Limas Sweed but I can see them taking him to team up the old Longhorn teammates.
25. Seattle Seahawks-They need a d-tackle. I love Trevor Laws out of Notre Dame but I think he will still be an early second round pick. Kentwan Balmer out of North Carolina will more than likely be the pick.
26. Jacksonville Jaguars-They need linemen especially on the D side of the ball. Fuck it, I say they make a "stretch" pick by taking Laws out of Notre Dame.
27. San Diego Chargers-They need safety help and the only one worth it at this pick is Kenny Phillips out of Miami. They also could take a RB to replace Michael Turner in the second round.
28. Dallas Cowboys-Will anybody be surprised if the Cowboys trade both of their first round picks to somebody like Atlanta to get McFadden? I won't and I hope it happens for the sake of the Falcons franchise. If not they take James Hardy out of Indiana. A former basketball player on the Hoosiers, Hardy could become a dominant red zone presence in Dallas.
29. San Francisco Giants-Gosder Cherilus seems like the perfect pick out of Boston College. He could step in right away and play right tackle.
30. Green Bay Packers-They need a tight end. Martellus Bennett out of Texas A&M is the best one in my opinion in this draft and should be going to Green Bay.
31. New York Giants-Dan Connor out of Penn State should replace departed Kawika Mitchell. A no brainer in my mind, Connor could become another Keith Brooking.
When Atlanta Braves ace John Smoltz takes the mound tonight against the Washington Nationals he will be looking to join the exclusive 3000 career strikeout club that only 15 other pitchers can claim membership. Needing just 4 K's tonight to reach the milestone, Smoltz pretty much will stamp himself a one-way ticket to Cooperstown once he reaches 3000(the only one not in the Hall with 3000 career K's is Bert Blyleven).
In fact did you know the 3000 K club is more elusive over a career than 300 victories(23), 500 homeruns(23), and 3000 hits(27)? Smoltz is one of the most underrated power pitchers of his era. Maybe he was cast in the shadow of Greg Maddux and Tom Glavine for all those years but if you had a choice for a guy to be your starter for a pivotal game series clincher who would you want? I would take Smoltz without blinking an eye.
His post season pitching record is 15-4 with a 2.70 ERA. Smoltzie split-finger fastball and slider made him a great closer for 3 seasons(NL record 144 saves during that period) and yet he was still able to come back and pitch over 200 innings and record double digit victories while keeping an ERA in the low to mid 3's each season in his late 30's.
In layman's turn: Smoltzie is a beast.
Smoltz is also a great teammate who decided to stick with the Atlanta Braves organization when so many others left for more money(Tom Glavine for example). I know it sounds like a cliche but not many players play for one organization their whole career. The fact that Smoltz sacrificed his spot in the rotation to become a closer for the good of the team shows how great of a teammate he was. Of course Smoltz always knew he was a starter but never complained openly to the media and kept it behind close doors when he knew he should be back in the rotation. The Braves handled it with class and so did Smoltz when so many players and organizations are so quick to cut ties when things don't go right.
Smoltzie recorded his first K by smoking a high fastball past Darryl Strawberry 20 years ago at Atlanta Fulton County Stadium. Tonight I will stand and applaud him as he reaches another milestone in his Hall of Fame career against the Nationals at Turner Field. When he fools another hitter for his 3000th K I expect the crowd to roar and give him a standing ovation. The Commissioner Bud Selig should stumble up the mound with presumably a horrible speech and a handshake. Bobby Cox should pat him on his bald head and tell him one more time: "Good job Kid!"
John Andrew Smoltz affectionately known by teammates as Smoltzie, the future Hall of Famer, has earned and deserves it.
The pictures above clearly show Jessica Simpson has been cheating on Tony Romo with a freaking Smurf. I wonder which one she banged? Maybe she hit up the whole crew. You know it's only a matter of time before she gets some of the Terrell Owen's action on after seeing his guest appearance on BangBros. When asked about the secret vacation Owens and Jessica took together, Owens did not take it too well...
Those guys at TNT are pretty creative. Personally I would have made it a little more embarrassing for Albert. Put him in some chaps. Whip him with a leather belt. Maybe put a ball gag in his mouth and have a donkey lick peanut butter off of him. Oh yeah...nevermind.
These pictures come courtesy of The Big Lead which shows America's favorite non-playing Big Man drinking some of the finest Franzia wine at a house party on the campus of Penn State.
Holy shit! Don't these people even know Oden just played for Ohio State and deserves to be called a "faggot" for even deciding to attend Bucknut University? I thought if you attended State Penn you were no longer allowed to associate with anybody who even remotely identifies themselves with the Scarlet and Gray. These Nittany Lions are clearly impostors.
To be honest I'm really disappointed in Oden for this tame picture. NBA rookies, especially the #1 overall pick, should be doing lines off stripper's asses and making it rain. This frat boy shit with cheap wine is rather pathetic. In my world that is just another Sunday morning bible study class.
You remember those days when you would go to the zoo or park and see a couple of four legged freaks go at it and you would ask your Mommy: "Why are they fighting?"
And what would your Mommy say?
Of course she would say they are not fighting, it's just their way of showing their love for one another by ripping each other apart and rubbing fat men's tits while shouting "Red Sox suck!" See this is why I never want to hear a Yankee or Red Sox fan make fun of another team's fan. They will claim their passionate but everybody else with a functional frontal lobe of the brain knows that these people are really just psychotic douchebags.
I mean you can just see the sexual tension between these two fan bases. They really just need to fuck and get it over with already.
And if you are wondering why I posted this video it is simple: this rivalry obviously needs more publicity and exposure. I'm so sick of ESPN talking about the sweep of the Dodgers by the Braves(I was there yesterday, no fights but I did see a 60 year old man with a hilarious 80's rat tail) and can we please stop incessant talk and blabbering about the Western divisions in both leagues? I mean if I have to hear another story about Ichiro and Vladimir and how if they made love they would form the perfect beast of a ballplayer or hear about another Giants fans spitting on an A's fans because they live across the Bay with the "colored folks" I swear on Willie May's grave I will turn off the television. We need more Northeast coverage people!
What does the basketball say to the face? SLAP! The NBA Playoffs have kicked off and besides the Sixers beating the Pistons everything seems to be going as planned. The Lakers beat the shit out of the Nuggets with AI getting ejected and Laker fans showing their admiration and love for Carmelo while chanting "DUI, DUI, DUI." The Boston Celtics worked the pathetic Atlanta Hawks last night and Chris Paul showed why maybe he is the MVP after all by personally destroying the Dallas Mavericks in the second half. Tim Duncan and Manu Ginobli survived the Suns in overtime thanks to some huge shots from both and the Jazz showed why they love their home court Mormon advantage by pasting the Rockets.
I'm still sticking with my original prediction of Spurs over the Celtics in the Finals but I must admit the Lakers look really good. And I heard Kobe isn't raping anybody when he goes back to Colorado so he shouldn't be a distraction. And don't judge Kobe for his past trangressions in the Rocky Mountain High State. At least he isn't a car fucker...although that clip of him jumping over a car might have just been foreplay.
It's been way too long since I've seen these 5 guys back together doing actual comedy. The Kids in the Hall was some of the funniest shit on Comedy Central back in the 90's and if you have never seen their underground hit movie "Brain Candy" I would highly recommmend it. Some of the greatest one-liners to ever hit the big screen are in "Brain Candy" and I believe I watched the film about 100 times in college. And no, it's not a stoner's movie, but it might help a little bit if you toke some beforehand. Just kidding, meth should do the job.
Notre Dame started their spring scrimmage off right today by securing the commitment of prep RB Cierre Wood, the #3 rated overall player in the country and the top RB in the nation. Wood is out of Oxnard(CA) Santa Clara HS and is a tremendous steal out of Trojan and Bruin country. A fluid back, Wood should get the ball rolling for the Irish in terms of recruiting. He is the highest rated RB to commit to the Irish since Charlie Weis took over and with his solid commitment in hand it should get other recruits to take notice. Here is a list of other top prepsters who are visiting this weekend in South Bend courtesy of DomerDomain.com...
ATH E.J. Banks - offered RB DJ ADAMS - offered ILB Jordan Barrett - offered OG Alex Bullard - interested FB Daniel Drummond - interested TE Tyler Eifert - interested TE Jake Golic - committed S DeVonte Holloman - offered DE Anthony LaLota - interested OT Sam Longo - interested DE Craig Roh - offered DT Tyler Stockton - offered RB Cierre Wood - committed
The key for the Irish this weekend is going to be making some big inroads with a lot of the defensive players especially the linebackers and defensive linemen. The Irish will always be able to land quality offensive talents with Weis at the helm but they need to continue to steal some defensive talent now with Jon Tenuta in the Blue and Gold.
Here are some YouTube highlights of Cierre Wood...
UPDATE: The Irish also landed the commitment of Tyler Stockton this past weekend. Stockton is a beast of a defensive lineman who is eerily similar in stature, technique, and downright nastiness to some guy who switched commitments last year to play for the Urban Liar. I forgot his name already.
How can you not love Sir Charles Barkley? He speaks his mind, often hilariously, and tells everybody exactly how it works to a degree. He is not afraid to throw punches and I'm loving the fact he has the balls to speak about how shoddy ESPN has become. This clip is from The Dan Patrick Show regarding the recent ambush of Miguel Tejada by ESPN: 60....
I just wish somebody with enough money and cajones would start a competing sports network to battle ESPN. Steal their best talents (Scott Van Pelt, Erin Andrews, Kirk Herbstreit, Buster Olney among others) and rob them of their college football and basketball coverage and strike a deal with MLB to carry a ton of their games and ESPN would quickly erode faster than a boner in front of Rosie O'donnell.
Honestly I don't know how I feel about the video. One part of me hates ESPN for being the dick they are and entrapping Miguel Tejada with proof they already knew he would lie about. This was never breaking journalistic news because everybody with a functional brain knows the Dominicans lie about their age. I wonder why they didn't have Peter Gammons(Red Sox cocksucker) or Buster Olney(an actual great baseball mind unlike Gammons in my view) ask the tought questions to Tejada? Why? Because ESPN is full of vaginas. But in this instance they look more like the dick and the asshole more than the pussy. Because we all know there is three things in life Chuck: dicks, assholes, and pussys. And clearly ESPN is all of them. If they want to be fair and balanced with this garbage they should talk to more Latinos like David Ortiz, Manny Ramirez, Bobby Abreu, Robinson Cano, and other Red Sox and Yankees players about their age before they pull this shit with Tejada. But they won't because 90% of ESPN is full of those bandwagon cockbags.
I almost feel bad for Tejada before I realize he is caught in the lie. Similar to NBC's To Catch a Predator minus the actual breaking the law and being moralistically wrong, Tejada lied about his age. Big fucking deal. Women lie about their age all the time. All this interview does is make ESPN look like some sort of TMZ minus the integrity.
Yes, TMZ minus the integrity is what ESPN is these days. Sad isn't it? It's the reason why ESPN leads off with Yankees-Red Sox news and how Matt Ryan is the greatest QB to come out in the NFL draft since Peyton Manning. National sports coverage deserves more than the recycled regionalized bullshit that is ESPN. We want real coverage, coast to coast. We know Tejada lied about his age and we really don't care. We want to hear about how the Arizona Diamondback's Justin Upton might be the best 20 year old to play in the major leagues since God know who and not about some BS story about a fucking jersey being cemented under a rival's new stadium.
We don't give a rat's ass about the New York Knicks more than we do the Atlanta Hawks so why make news about the Knicks firing Isiah Thomas? Nobody gives a shit about the Knicks outside of New Yorkers themselves more than they care about the Hawks still sucking balls and making the playoffs out of the Big East conference known as the Eastern Conference of the NBA. Let's talk about how amazing the Kansas City Royals young pitching staff is becoming or how good the National League West is going to be this year and for one minute not talk about something on the East Coast.
As those marketing geniuses did at Nike I want you to Just do it ESPN. Give us serious discussion on the rivalry between the Cubs and Cardinals and the Dodgers and Giants. They are as relative to baseball as those other two teams you love to cover in baseball. I want good journalism and not TMZ. I want Tejada to hit homeruns and lie about his age because they really don't matter. I want ESPN to be honest about Matt Ryan and see him nothing more than the next Ken Dorsey or David Greene.
And for God's sake I want more Erin Andrews and less of Holly Rowe.
Sports and Rants has their list of the top nicknames in baseball today and I think The Hammerin Hebrew has to be the best one by far. Ryan Braun is a great young slugger who can't field worth a lick and if there is one name that can make Milwaukee people cream in their oversized pants besides Milwaukee's Best it has to be Hammerin Hebrew.
Let me take a wild guess here with this typical Yankees fan. First name is either Anthony or Junior. Born, raised, and still lives in New Jersey but claims to be from New York. Drinks more apple martinis than actual beer. Loud and rude while hanging with his buds. Thinks a solid relationship is making out with $5 Jersey whores. Jerks off while crying to "When a man loves a woman." Thinks Derek Jeter is the best shortstop ever and quite possibly the best baseball player ever not named Babe Ruth.
According to Gary Parrish of CBS Sportsline there was a reason why the Memphis Tigers Athletic Program did not hold a press conference for freshman sensation Derrick Rose to announce his early entry into the NBA Draft: he got in a fight with a football player over a girl.
Other than alcohol I would say the number one cause of fighting between college aged males is always women. Just watch an episode of Real World and see how long it takes till two dudes are scrapping over some barfly in a short skirt. I guess we can't blame Rose for this because he is young and naive like all of us either were or still are as in my case. But you know we will hear an endless amount of chatter from dipshit-know-nothings like Skip Bayless and Todd McShay how this will ruin his draft stock and could wind up costing him millions.
Bullshit is what most people call Bayless' and McShay's words of wisdom. I call it typical ESPN garbage. Anyways, we know the only girl that will cost Rose future millions will be his first wife. It's money in the bag for whomever gets a diamond ring from Rose.
Shocking isn't it? Okay, maybe not, but today Houston Astros SS Miguel Tejada confirmed what everybody already knew in that he is older than his listed age of 31. Of course he still might be under estimating his actual age of 33 if you ask baseball scouts.
Astros shortstop Miguel Tejada has told the team he's actually 33, two years older than he's listed in the club's media guide and other baseball records.
Tejada, saying he wanted rid himself of a burden, approached general manager Ed Wade and asked to correct misinformation he gave the Oakland A's when he signed in 1993, the Houston Chronicle reported on its Web site Thursday.
Miggy says he wanted to "rid himself of the burden" of having lied about his age when he came to the States as a teenager to Astros GM Ed Wade. So now the question remains of what else will Miggy reveal as some untruths he has told in the past?
Maybe he did sabotage Rafael Palmeiro after all with those tainted B-12 injections.
Maybe he was on steroids after all even though he still denies ever using the stuff.
Maybe he did tank his overall effort and attitude while playing in Baltimore under the dark curse of Peter Angelos's disgusting snauser even though he maintained his attitude and energy levels remained the same despite the losing.
We have finally reached the end of the NBA regular season and now get thrust ed into it's second season: The Playoffs. In other words we still have another six exciting weeks till we reach the Finals between the San Antonio Spurs and Boston Celtics. Going out on another limb, I'm going to say the Spurs win yet another Championship securing their place as a NBA Dynasty.
I still can't get over the fact that Obama bowled a pathetic 37 a few weeks back but this Rocky montage gets the hopes back up for all the Obama supporters out there. My buddy Andrew and his band BoatCar are playing at an Obama Rally this Saturday in Denver for his "Nation of Change" tour.
Translation for "Nation of Change": someone in the Oval office who actually speaks the English language correctly and doesn't get their grammar lessons from this here blog.
I got to give a little more pub for BoatCar, a self described "original mountain grown funky/jazzy/folky/jammy kinda band" without the heroin addiction and boils on the side of their necks. At least I don't think they are on heroin yet, give them a couple of years when they have really hit the big time. If you are in the Denver area check them out or if you are a promoter be sure to contact them, you won't be disappointed.
The mighty filthy USC Trojans named Mark "Dirty" Sanchez as their new starting QB heading into 2008. The ambiguously gay duo of Sanchez and Brian Cushing(pictured above) can now retreat to their completely paid off Hollywood flat (NCAA doesn't frown upon same sex couples in case you were wondering) where they will enjoy a solid spring of turkish mud wrestling while playing hop scotch in between Pete Carroll constant Facebook statements of "enjoying golf in this great southern Cal weather" which is clearly an attempt to land the next Tiger Woods and covert him into his 12th tailback.
Sanchez clearly needs a Sportscrack shirt made in his honor. Be on the lookout for a "Dirty Sanchez" shirt to make it's debut sometime this summer.
Figuratively and literally the Fightin Fulmers continue to bend backwards in their pursuit to be a player in the SEC again. The gruesome picture is courtesy of Wizard of Odds of fullback David Holbert during the final spring scrimmage tearing a couple of ligaments in his now deformed knee.
When asked for comment on the horrible news that the next Jamal Lewis in the collective delusional Volunteers' minds would be out for the season he calmly put down his tenth Soney's BBQ pork sandwich and started whistling Rocky Top.
Yes, Rocky Top, it will always be home sweet home for hillbilly's like you and me.
In case you were wondering and I'm sure you were the internet sensation that is Allison Stokke is now in college. My Chill Pill has all the wonderful pictures of her stick handling abilities while pole vaulting at Cal. There is a joke somewhere in there but I will let you handle it.
If you are sleep deprived or need to calm down and back away from the ledge because your significant other just left you for your best friend well then watch the Masters. It can literally bore the shit out of you and soothe you to sleep without having to go to the bottle and pills.
To whomever won the Sportscrack NCAA Tournament Pool please identify your glorious and genius self by emailing me at matt@sportscrack.com so I can send you your new Sportscrack swag. Fairchild out.
A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him. 'Hi....My name is Carmen', she told him. 'That's a beautiful name,' he replied, 'Is it a family name?' 'No,' she replied. 'I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I enjoy most -- cars and men.' 'What's your name?' she asked. He said, 'B. J. Titsenbeer'.
Take a visit to Armchair GM to vote for your favorite sports wife. The 32 women field is a collection of beauties with the lone exception of Eva Longoria. She howls at the full moon when not wearing 10 pounds of foundation. Ladies, you know what I'm talking about. My vote goes to Cheryl Tweedy(pictured above), the wife of soccer player Ashley Cole in case you were wondering.
You have it to hand it to the PTI guys for playing this off really well...
I'm looking forward to this weekend's Final Four because I think it is about time we had the best teams competing against each other for the whole thing. UCLA, North Carolina, Kansas, and Memphis were all the clear cut best teams throughout the season, winning both their regular season and tournament conference championships. This is actually the first time I have ever gotten the Final Four right and if all goes as I planned we will be having an UCLA vs. Kansas Title game match with UCLA winning another one.
