STEELERS KNOCK OUT RAVENS

NFL CHAMPIONSHIP GAME PREDICTIONS

EAGLES OVER CARDINALS-I have a rooting interest in this game and it lies on Donovan McNabb's right arm. McNabb has had to put up with so much shit from Philly fans and the media ever since he got drafted and he has handled it all with class and dignity. I want Donovan to get his Super Bowl ring and I believe guys like Brian Dawkins and Brian Westbrook will play huge roles in a tough win over the Cardinals. Philadelphia 24 Arizona 21

STEELERS OVER RAVENS-This hard hitting AFC North rivalry game will be the third edition this season. The Steelers won the first two thanks to an incredible defense that made Joe Flacco look like the rookie he is. The Ravens are coming off a hard fought win in Tennessee and haven't had an off week since the second week of the season. They are beat up and battered and the Steelers come in fresh and rolling after destroying the Chargers last week. I want the Ravens to win but I think the Steelers have the better team and if they don't turnover the ball they should be able to handle the Ravens especially if they stop their run game.
Pittsburgh 20 Baltimore 7

KOBE BRYANT HAS HUGE TESTICLES

The Lakers still lost just like that girl in Colorado.

THIS COMMERCIAL IS NOT APPROVED FOR THE SUPER BOWL

If you listen to the Howard Stern Show you should know all about AshleyMadison.com. It's a website designed to help adulterers meet other adulterers. Good family fun right? Well, not according to the NFL who not only rejected the commercial for the Super Bowl in two weeks but also said it could never air one during any of their NFL broadcasts.

It's great to know the NFL has their moral compass pointed in the right direction. That is until Michael Vick starts taking snaps in Oakland.

HERO OF THE YEAR

His name is Chesley Sullenberger and he was the pilot of US Airlines Flight 1549 who safely landed his plane into the Hudson River in New York after some crazy suicidal birds flew into the engines. The former US Air Force fighter pilot from California with over 40 years of flight experience goes by the name of "Sully" but in my book this guy should be named Hero and given a statue as big as the Statue of Liberty after saving all those people on board.

Sully, if you read this please note that I am flying out to Las Vegas next weekend and I would be honored to have you captain the flight. Actually I would be honored and thankful if you would captain every single flight for the rest of your life or mine.

Anyway, kudos to Sully and I'm serious about honoring this guy in New York. If you are going to honor douchebags cheaters like Danny Almonte and Jeffrey Maier you sure as hell better give this hero some recognition.



I will do a toast to you tonight Sully. This Newcastle is to you.

PETE CARROLL IS A WHINY BITCH

Obviously Pete Carroll is pissed at QB Mark Sanchez for leaving to pursue his dream of playing in the NFL because he knows with Sanchez next season they have a great shot at going undefeated. But why the crybaby routine Petey? Sanchez fulfilled his commitment to USC and himself by staying for four years and completing his degree. Yes, he could have come back for a 5th season and taken dancing classes like Matt Leinart did but we all saw what the spotlight did to Leinart during that final season. Leinart was projected to be the #1 pick in the draft going to San Francisco but instead decided to Fight On or as Reggie Bush would say Cheat On for one more season. He fell to the #10 pick and lost millions in the process.

Pete Carroll needs to show some class and congratulate Mark Sanchez for all that he has done for the program. Don't be a selfish prick and state that you didn't agree with his decision. Instead thank him for putting up with all the dead hookers you made him shove back under your desk during his freshman orientation. Sanchez made the right decision in my opinion and it's not because I'm a Notre Dame fan. Look at the quarterbacks coming out this year. Besides Matthew Stafford (If you want to see class look at the way Mark Richt handled Stafford and Knowshon leaving last week) there really isn't a quarterback coming out in this draft with top 10 potential. Sanchez does not have a lot of starts in his back pocket and so Stafford does have the upper hand in that department but NFL scouts tend to forget those things as soon as the combine starts. Sanchez could wow a lot of the NFL personnel especially a team as dumb as the Detroit Lions into taking him #1 overall. Next year he would have been competing with Sam Bradford, Colt McCoy, Tim Tebow, Zac Robinson and some other juniors such as a Jimmy Clausen for the #1 QB spot. Sure he could have beat them all out and been the #1 pick but he could also suffer a terrible injury and/or been overly scrutinized like Leinart and Brady Quinn were and drop in the draft.

The key to the draft is going in while you are hot. Sanchez had his best game of his career in destroying Penn State for four TDs in the Rose Bowl. Could you imagine if Mack Brown would have thrown a hissy fit over Vince Young deciding to leave instead of not coming back for his 5th season? The media, fans, and incoming recruits would have torn him up. But somehow Carroll will get a pass for this shit just like the whole Reggie Bush fiasco. The NCAA and the media will continue to lick and massage the filthy Trojans and Pete Carroll until their mouths are tainted cardinal and gold.

I won't be that person. Congratulations Mark Sanchez. You made the right decision for yourself.

MY JOB INTERVIEW

These are tough times we are living in right now with the economy going to shit, people's houses being foreclosed on and the porn industry suffering it's biggest downfall since bestiality started hitting the shelves back in the early 80's. So I figured I would tune up my resume and present it to those poor saps who work in cubicles that spend more time on Facebook than they do on a spread sheet while counting down the seconds till 5 pm.

As you can see my work experience and people skills are not exactly stellar for future employment of any kind besides mop boy at the local Sneak a Peek booth shop...


Okay, I know what you are thinking and yes, that is not me. But it points out my lazy habits to future employers. Instead of making my own video I merely rip one off of FunnyorDie and claim it as my own. In essence the video encapsulates everything about myself without having to actually put much effort into it. One of these days I might get a "desk" job and be as miserable as all of my other friends and family who had one or currently die in one today. But right now I want to keep this Sportscrack vehicle going till it explodes or till the Feds shut me down. So if you feel like reading my worthless babble please visit the Store Page and buy a t-shirt or a helmet or a banner or even an autographed baseball or football because not only will it make you feel better about yourself but you are also getting excellent deals at way below market value for all of those items. Most if not all of the items on our store page are 25% or more below what other stores sell them for at retail value.

I also wanted to add if you are looking for an individual item that we don't sell on our store page let me know and I can see what I can do to put that particular item on our store page. An example of a request we got in the past was a Joe Namath autographed Alabama mini helmet from a good customer of ours. I looked on-line for the item and saw that most places such as Steiner Sports sold it for as much as $500. In other words they are just ripping off people. I got them for half that price at $250.
The lady bought two of them. One for herself and one to sell on Ebay. Hey, you got to do what you got to do and I hold no qualms about it. So if you have any requests let me know. Email me at matt@sportscrack.com. I promise I will get back to you within the next year.

WARM UP WITH THE REEF GIRLS

If you don't live in California or Florida right now you are experiencing the chill of the winter. To be honest it's cold as fuck in 85% of this country and we need something to warm us up especially with the doldrums of football ending soon. The Reef Girls feel our pain and do their best to warm us up in all the right spots.

CONAN HATES THE FOX NFL ROBOT

ATLANTA BRAVES ADD LOWE AND KAWAKAMI

-It looks like Frank Wren took my rant to heart last week. Facing the fallout over the failures to land either Peavy or Burnett and then letting Smoltzie leave to Boston it became apparent that the Atlanta Braves long offseason had become a nightmare. But in the last couple of days they have reached agreements with free agent Derek Lowe and Kenshin Kawakami. Lowe is a #1 starter and in my opinion is a great signing. Sure the Braves overpaid for him and would have been better off signing him to a 3 year contract instead of the 4 years at $60 million they wound up giving him but Lowe was a must get for the Braves pitching staff. He is good for 200 plus innings and the guy gets ground balls with his incredible sinker. Lowe's sinker is one of the hardest pitches to hit and also one of the hardest to lay off. It literally drops off the table about 6 inches from the plate making a hitter look like he was auditioning for a Cirque Du Soleil play. Plus the guy has a sweaty mullet which should be a hit in Atlanta.

Kawakami is another Japanese pitcher who I honestly haven't seen much of besides the Youtube stuff. He is the first Japanese born player to ever play for the Braves and scouts claim he can be a good 3 or 4 starter for the Braves. Of course the Braves overpaid for him too giving him a 3 year deal worth $24 million but it was essential to land a former MVP of his league as his stuff is not overpowering but his cutter and curve are graded out above average. Here is some Youtube video of him and his delivery brings back memories of David Cone...


So with the additions of starters Lowe, Kawakami and yes, even Vasquez stat nerd the Braves and Frank Wren in particular have answered the call when it comes to adding quality arms to a struggling pitching staff. Right now this is what I would predict Bobby Cox's 2009 rotation will look like:
1. Derek Lowe-Big postseason pitcher and a proven winner.
2. Javier Vasquez-Innings eater who should benefit from switch to NL.
3. Jair Jurrjens-Had a great rookie season and should continue to progress.
4. Kenshin Kawakami-Will win a ton of games as the 4th starter.
5. Tommy Hanson-I think the kid has a great spring and forces the Braves to put him into the rotation.

I still don't think the Braves can win the division with what they got but if they can add an outfield bat (Bobby Abreu or Jermaine Dye would be great additions to what looks like on paper as being the Major's worst outfield right now) they could be a good sleeper pick to at least contend for the Wild Card. It's going to depend on the pitching staff staying healthy and hitters like Francoeur and Kotchman maturing and matching up to their potential.

JIMMY ROLLINS DOES A MEAN RICKEY HENDERSON IMPERSONATION

Rickey Henderson was officially elected to the Hall of Fame yesterday after receiving 96% of the votes in his first year of eligibility. There is no doubt that Rickey is the greatest leadoff hitter of all time and whatever voters out there who didn't vote for him should not be allowed to cast one in the future. In fact I would recommend castration because you don't deserve to fuck anything the rest of your lives if you want to fuck Rickey like that. And we all know that Rickey didn't mess around when it came to the game on the diamond. The guy talked the talk and literally walked the walk for his entire career. Henderson was one of my favorite players growing up because he stole a ton of bases. I considered myself a pretty excellent thief king myself when it came to bases during my Little League days at Wills Park and I would mimic Rickey's crouch and the way he held his batting gloves in his hands while taking huge leadoffs to get that extra base. Between Griffey's stance, Mussina's delivery, and Rickey's leadoff and steals I would say I tried to copy all of them. With that being said I don't even come close to Jimmy Rollins. He does a dead on impersonation.

By the way if you like baseball you need to check out the MLB Network. It's all baseball 24/7 and the productions so far seems to be good. And as of this moment they don't completely focus on just those two Northeast teams like ESPN does.

RAY LEWIS TRIES TO KILL ANOTHER MAN

Ray Lewis and the Baltimore Ravens will face the Pittsburgh Steelers next week in the AFC Championship after Lewis helped lead the Ravens to a tough, defensive win over the Titans yesterday. On this play it looked like Lewis was ready to pull out the knife and take out the Titan tight end but instead decided to go for his head. The man is still alive. Those guys in Atlanta...not so much.

PERCY HARVIN SMACKING THAT URBAN MEYER ASS

Smack that Harvin!

OKLAHOMA SOONERS LOSE NC GAME AGAIN, BAND MEMBER CRIES

I literally started crying when Fox put the camera on this robust Boomer Sooner band member while the Gators celebrated. The pain, anguish and grief in those eyes was so priceless I just couldn't help myself and I uncontrollably burst out in laughter so hard that tears were inevitable. Congratulations go to the Florida Gators for capturing their second National Championship in 3 years.

The Mormons in Utah are crying too. Undefeated and yet no chance to even play for a National Championship. Here is to the loyal Utes out there. You guys deserve better and in my book you are Champions.

BCS TITLE GAME PREDICTION: BLOWOUT

The Florida Gaytors are bigger, stronger, and a hell of a lot faster than the Boomer Sooners and play great in BCS bowl games. The Sooners have the Heisman curse on their shoulders as Sam Bradford will be getting hit plenty of times tonight. It remains obvious to most readers of this blog that I don't like the Gaytors. Living in Georgia you have to go with the home state team but I have some buddies who claim they are die hard Georgia fans. In fact some of them actually attended the school. So why in the hell are they rooting for the Gaytors tonight?

I never got the notion of rooting for a team in your conference to win because you think it will make your conference look better. Georgia fans should hate anything wearing jorts with striped royal and orange running down the sides and should never root for an arch rival to win. It just doesn't make any sense. If Florida wins it only helps them and not the SEC conference as a whole. Florida gets more exposure and gains more recruits from winning this game then Georgia ever will.

It would be like me rooting for USC or the Yankees to win just because it will make my favorite teams look better. Fuck that. You never root for the enemy. And any Georgia fan who reads this blog and disagrees with me should just leave now because I hate you already. Traitor.

Anyways, the Gaytors have a shitload of speed. In fact they got more speed than a young Artie Lange. They will be running through, over, and pass the poor Sooners all night. Hell, Florida is playing tonight in their home state in front of a ton of blue chip daddy recruits in the Miami area. They will be impressive and nobody will stop Tim Tebow.

Prediction: Florida 49 Oklahoma 27

Tomorrow the arguments will start about USC, Utah, and Texas deserving more of a shot at Florida instead of Oklahoma.

Also feel free to buy a GAYTORS OR OKLAHOMO shirt if you dislike either team. Actually, stop being lazy and just visit our STORE and buy a shitload of stuff to help boost the economy called my pocket change.

HEADLINE OF THE DAY: PORN INDUSTRY SEEKS $5 BILLION FEDERAL BAILOUT

Click here for the story. If they can bailout the auto industry why not porn? The average male probably watches more porn than he uses his car.

MATTIUS OHLUND WOULD LIKE HIS CHIN BACK

Can you say Don Flamenco?



Sheldon Souray made Ohlund look like his Mini Me dog. Watching this pathetic excuse of a NHL fight brought back memories of Mike Tyson's punchout with cheat codes...


NHL Fight Video HT: FanIQ

BACKUP COLLEGE JAGS OFF THEIR HEAD COACH

BC, Boston College, Backup College or whatever the hell you want to call them fired head football coach Jeff Jagodzinski for interviewing with the New York Jets. Athletic Director Gene DeFilippo called it the hardest day of his 12 year tenure but I beg to differ. The hardest day will be the cold hard reality that Boston College is not anybody's dream job nor will it ever be. DeFilippo needs to realize this and firing Jags for interviewing for NFL head coaching jobs is not necessary.

Jagoneoffski led BC to back-to-back ACC Title game losses in his only two seasons in Chestnut Hill after replacing Tom O'brien. His two year record of 20-8 is 8 games better than Charlie Weis at Notre Dame during the same period whom he beat twice and yet Weis still has a job. I can only imagine this will hurt BC in the long run trying to find replacement coaches when knowing that the BC job is nothing but a stepping stone for a better and more lucrative coaching job elsewhere. Talk to O'brien and Tom Coughlin when you get the chance DeFilippo.

MLB HOT STOVE ACTION

-Caught in the mess of the whole John Smoltz leaving Atlanta to go play for the Sux I forgot to mention that my other favorite team, the Baltimore Orioles, have agreed to a contract with Japanese pitcher Koji Uehara. Koji will be the #2 starter for the Orioles behind Jeremy Guthrie because the Orioles lack in proven starters but I think this is an excellent signing. The 33 year old has dominated MLB All-Stars in the past and throws strikes and rarely walks people. If you watched the Orioles pitching last year the one thing they couldn't do was throw strikes. I'm hearing the contract is guaranteed $10 million with incentives that could bring it up to $16 million. This is an excellent value for a guy like Uehara whom most major league hitters haven't seen and should be pretty successful his first season in Baltimore. He has a nasty forkball that dips in to right hand hitters and away from left handed hitters and his career strike out to walk ratio is an outstanding 7 to 1. He is the first Japanese player signed by the Orioles (last team in the AL East to do it) and it should help open up the doors for the O's in the Asian market. Of course I could come up with some Japanese jokes right now but since we have a Jap pitching for us now I don't think it would be appropriate for me to say I hope he screams Bonsai as soon as he unleashes a fastball into Mark Teixeira's neck. Here is some video of Uehara making fools of MLB stars like Barry Bonds and Jason Giambi...


-In other depressing news for a veteran ballplayer who will look weird in a different uniform comes the Trevor Hoffman signing in Milwaukee. Hells Bells will now go from sunny and beautiful San Diego to the harsh climate and bitter cold of Milwaukee. This is an excellent signing for the Brewers because Hoffman converted 30 of 34 saves last year for the Padres and despite losing Sabathia and Sheets they still have a chance to compete for the Wild Card. Still, it won't seem right to see Hoffman in any other uniform but the Padres. Besides Tony Gwynn I consider Hoffman the greatest Padre and he is a sure thing for the Hall of Fame.

-The Red Sox signed Rocco Baldelli. The guy has all the talent in the world but he can't stay healthy. He won't be asked to play everyday in Boston and is looked at as more of a luxury bench player in the way the Smoltz signing come about. Baldelli has played less than a 160 games combined the last 3 seasons but he grew up a Red Sox fan and took little money from what I hear for a one year contract with the chance to prove himself. At only 27 years old he could still develop into a steal for the Red Sox.

-The Atlanta Braves have turned their attention to free agent pitcher Derek Lowe. I could get excited about this but then I remembered the Braves have pretty much swung and missed all offseason trying to acquire more talent and Lowe and his agent are probably just using the Braves to get more money out of the Mets or some other team where he will eventually sign. How did the Braves become the laughingstock of baseball so fast? Oh yeah, Frank Fucking Wren. He managed to fuck the Orioles and now he figured why not throw another dagger into my emotions and go to the Braves and totally screw them for a few years.

HOUSTON'S VON WAFER VON SUCKS

It's one thing to get rejected by Dwight Howard or Josh Smith but it is a whole other thing to get rejected by the rim like Houston Rocket's Von Wafer did yesterday. Hey, I'm not going to lie and say I wouldn't screw up the dunk because right now I would get rejected easily by an 8 foot rim but this cat is in the NBA. Shouldn't he know his limits? Maybe he should just go to church leagues like I do and claim I'm just really big and bald for an 11 year old. I had a growth spurt at 10 sister. God made me this way father. Why won't you accept me for who I am?

Video HT: FanIQ

SAY IT AIN'T SO, SMOLTZIE!

The city of Atlanta, actually make it the Southeast region of the United States, will be in mourning today as the word spreads that John Smoltz will be pitching for the Boston Red Sox next season. The 8 time All Star and lifelong Brave will leave Atlanta after 20 years of an unbelievable career to pitch in Fenway Park. It just doesn't seem right but apparently the Red Sox offered him a contract he couldn't refuse. I don't know who to blame. I'm sad, angry, and frustrated right now. Smoltz should never have to wear another uniform besides the one with the tomahawk on it. Smoltz is the Atlanta Braves. The guy is at the end of his career but...ummm...I think I'm going to go throw up now. When did loyalty become taboo?

Have fun with those Chowderheads Smoltzie...


The next person that needs to leave the Braves is GM Frank Wren. I'm sorry but the guy is a fucking idiot and has no idea how to put together a successful team. I tried reaching Wren for comment on Smoltz leaving but apparently he was too busy. Word is he is on the phone with the New York Mets working a trade of Chipper in exchange for a Turner Field Stadium of empty seats, tears and broken promises. I haven't felt this duped since Bill Gates introduced Windows 98...

MICHIGAN'S BIGGEST FAN

The dog goes by the name of Ann Arbor. What a whore!

Image HT: Barstool Sports

DRUNK JOKE

WHY YOU NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK...

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, 'You must be single.'

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I indeed had never found Mr. Right. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said, 'Yes you are correct. But how on earth did you know that?'



The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly.'


Joke HT: Kevin

HUNGER RELIEF: WHAT IT MEANS TO ME

JIM TRESSEL DOESN'T NEED YOUR HAND SHAKE MACK BROWN

The Sweatervest is giving Mack Brown the stiff Buckeye as he loses yet another BCS game. This makes it 6 straight BCS bowl losses for the Big Ten conference. Yeah, they suck.

Even Big Ten commissioner Jim Delaney admits the Big Ten is just not good after watching the Rose Bowl:

You look at it and ask: Did the players play hard, and were they prepared?" Delany asked. "Yes and yes. You know what? SC's a better football team. In all of the [bowl] games I've watched, I'm seeing us get beat by better teams.

"Then you say: Why is that? I don't have a great answer other than to say that these things tend to be cyclical."

No quotes were necessary after last night's Fiesta Bowl(DVD available here). The Big Ten still sucks.

Image HT: Deadspin

MLB HOT STOVE FINALLY HEATING UP

With the exception of the Spankees dishing out over $400 million for 3 players the MLB Hot Stove has been luke warm so far. That is until yesterday.

The Tampa Bay Rays got great value for free agent left fielder and now full-time DH Pat Burrell by signing him to a two year, $16 million contract. Burrell is an excellent fit in the Rays lineup and while he may not be the hitter that say a Mark Teixeira is you can not argue at $8 mil a season he is an incredible value signing and can put up similar numbers while being paid about $15 million less a season than that mercenary douche bag up in New York. Burrell has averaged over 30 home runs and 100 RBI's in his career and he should be able to drive in a ton of runs with upcoming superstars Evan Longoria and B.J. Upton due for breakout seasons and Carl Crawford and Carlos Pena being rock solid in a lineup that will now rival anybody in the American League. A lot of people want to assert that the Rays will be one year wonders with the mighty Red Sox and Yankees restoring hierarchy order this season but they are dead wrong. With the signing of Burrell to compliment the offense and the Rays already possessing a starting pitching rotation that is the deepest and most talented in the majors they should be the favorite to win the AL East in my opinion.

On the opposite side of a great value for a free agent signing is the apparent 3 year, $30 million dollar contract the Chicago Cubs dished out to get the walking nutcase that is Milton Bradley. I will agree that Bradley is a good player when he plays but the guy can't stay healthy and even gets injured when he is arguing with umpires. He clearly has anger management issues and I can only imagine how he will react when he gets taunted by the drunks in Wrigley. Actually, now that I think about it this could be the most entertaining story of the offseason. Bradley doesn't take criticism well and I can already see him exploding on Lou Piniella when sweet Lou so as much whispers to the media that he is disappointed in Bradley not giving a 100%. The Cubs are clearly the most talented team in the NL Central and should be the favorite to win the division this year but I think Bradley is going to be nothing but a distraction. If he can keep his mouth shut and stay healthy then it's a great signing but his history points to the opposite. Have fun Cubs fans.

The A's are reportedly close to bringing back Jason Giambi on a one year contract for just a little over $5 million. Giambi is old (37) but is still capable of hitting 25 plus home runs even off the juice and can drive in runs and get on base plenty of times with walks. The addition of Matt Holiday and Giambi this offseason adds a ton of punch to the middle of a rather pedestrian A's lineup. This signing won't make them the favorite to win the AL West but it does get them closer to the Angels and with some additional signings and/or trades they could overtake them this season.

The dominos should start to fall in place for other free agents like Adam Dunn, Garrett Anderson, Rocco Baldelli, Bobby Abreu, Manny Ramirez, Ben Sheets, Derek Lowe and others. We still have another 6 weeks till pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training but the players and agents for that matter should be getting antsy to get something done. With every day passed the market and value in a potential contract goes down.

When a man needs a blowjob, he NEEDS a blowjob!

Okay, I am not a big fan of copying and pasting from a website, but I'm going to have to do it this morning. I used to work for TNT many moons ago, and Sir Charles didn't disappoint on the set or during the breaks. The guy is a giant beast of a firecracker, and is a super friendly guy. I thought this story was great! It just goes to show you that a man will do just about anything to get some good head!
The following was taken from-
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/1231081barkley1.html


"DECEMBER 31--Following his arrest earlier today for drunk driving, Charles Barkley told Arizona cops that he ran a stop sign because he was in a hurry to pick up a girl who had "given him a 'blow job' one week earlier," which the former NBA star described as "the best one he had ever had in his life." According to a Gilbert Police Department report, a copy of which you'll find here, police asked Barkley where he was going at the time of the 1:26 AM traffic stop in Scottsdale. "You want the truth? I was gonna drive around the corner and get a blow job," answered Barkley, who is pictured in the below mug shot. A cooperative Barkley also joked with a civilian police employee that, "I'll tattoo your name on my ass" if it would get him out of the DUI charge. Barkley, 45, was busted after failing field sobriety tests, and had blood drawn so investigators could establish his alcohol content. Barkley was cited for a misdemeanor charge and released at the scene, thus avoiding a trip to the Maricopa County jail. Barkley, now a basketball commentator on TNT, was elected to the NBA Hall of Fame in 2006. His 16-year career included an MVP award and a spot on the 1992 U.S. Olympic basketball squad, the so-called Dream Team that captured the gold medal. He has several prior arrests, including a 1997 aggravated battery bust and a 1991 assault collar."

EMAIL OF THE DAY

Subject: Ann Arbor
From: *&#til@aol.com
To: matt@sportscrack.com
Date: Mon, 5 Jan 2009 5:58 pm
"Ann Arbor is a Whore"? Don't expect any Wolverine fans to buy any merchandise from you.

I love these type of emails because it gives me comfort to know that yes, no stinking Wolverine fan will ever buy merchandise from me. I don't think I would have it any other way. And with DickRod now roaming the sidelines in Ann Arbor I wouldn't expect too many people buying Michigan merchandise in the near future. Oh well, I guess I should feel kind of bad since I did sell a few Michigan helmets before Christmas. Nah!

UPDATE: Here is a picture from this year's ND-scUM matchup from a big fan of whomever plays Michigan...

He got laid multiple times from St. Mary's school girls after this picture was taken. The power of the Ann Arbor is a Whore shirt is known to cause an insatiable desire in women.

FIESTA BOWL PREDICTION

Yet another bowl game without any BCS Title implications but plenty of conference bragging rights at stake. As we know the Ohio State University has struggled to put it mildly in the past two BCS Championship games against SEC teams but this year they get the benefit of being a big traditional power and put into the Fiesta Bowl although they don't deserve it. They got crushed two years ago in the desert by Florida but before that they had won 4 straight games in the "Fiesta" Bowl. They come in looking to prove they belong in a BCS Bowl game and that the Big Ten isn't as slow and pathetic as most of the pundits think. One of those pundits being me.

The Texas Longhorns come in with a chip on their shoulder after being bypassed by Oklahoma for the Big 12 Title game and the BCS Title game. They want to prove they deserve to be considered the best team out of the Big 12 and in some people's minds a win against Ohio State would stamp a National Championship season. Not in the polls or trophy but in their burnt orange hearts. After seeing Mizzou struggle with Northwestern and Oklahoma State and Texas Tech play little to no defense in bowl losses this game will go along way in proving just how worthy the Big 12 was in getting the unofficial claim as toughest conference in the nation this year. If Texas comes out and lays an egg with Ohio State blowing them out and then Oklahoma gets throttled by Florida like I think they will on Thursday then all those ridiculous numbers that the QB's put up this year in the Big 12 will look artificial.

But tonight I don't think Texas will lose. The Longhorns have speed and playmakers on both sides of the ball and they will look to harass and cause Buckeye freshman QB Terrelle Pryor to throw some costly interceptions. The Buckeyes will either win closely or lose badly depending on Pryor's performance tonight. If he can just manage the game like Joe Flacco did yesterday for the Ravens and not have any turnovers and let their veteran defense do the talking then they have a good chance. But I don't see a freshman QB in the big game doing that. Pryor will be a stud but he is bound to make some mistakes tonight.

On the other hand Texas QB Colt McCoy is going against his toughest defense of the year. The Buckeyes will be blitzing nonstop and will do their best to keep McCoy in the pocket. If McCoy manages to get out of the pocket with space then the Buckeyes will be in for a long night. His receivers including his tight end are underrated and can stretch the field. Texas will go vertical early and often. The Buckeyes will look to establish a ground game behind elite RB Beanie Wells who is more than likely playing in his last game for the Scarlet and Gray. I think Wells will put up over 80 yards on the ground but it won't be enough.

Texas wins in the desert behind a brilliant performance from Colt McCoy.

Texas Longhorns 35
Ohio State Buckeyes 20

THE GOOD WIFE

I think this goes without saying but maybe all women could take this advice to heart and revise their New Year's resolution to become the good wife. I wonder what John McCain would think of "The Good Wife" video. Let's take a look...

MY THOUGHTS ON THE NFL PLAYOFFS

First off I wanted to state that I thought all 4 road teams would win this week. Unfortunately I was wrong and it further proves why I stopped betting this football season. The first game I watched was the Atlanta-Arizona clash at the University of BS Stadium in Glendale. I almost popped a blood vessel at all the bad calls going against the Falcons. Literally the refs were giving the Cardinals reach arounds the whole game. Don't believe me well then take a look...

The Cardinals were consistently offsides and because of this they got a lot of pressure on Matt Ryan and stuffed Michael Turner all day. I believe the refs only threw one flag for offsides all day and the Cardinals took advantage of two big plays and two big turnovers to win their first home playoff game since...oh shit...ever! They get the luxury of traveling to Carolina this weekend where they will be killed.

I see Tomlinson pulled his annual Vagina clap injury and stood on the sidelines as his backup Darren Sproles helped lead the Chargers to an improbable upset victory over the Indianapolis Colts. Sproles who if he borrowed high heels from LT's locker would be maybe 5'7 had over 300 all-purpose yards and the little guy proved he has more heart and grit than LT has on one of his stained thongs. People will now claim Peyton Manning is a choke artist in the playoffs after once again winning a regular season MVP and then pulling lame with a losing effort in the playoffs. I would not argue with it. Besides the year they won the Super Bowl thanks to Rex Grossman wearing the opposing uniform Manning has been very average come playoff time. The Chargers now advance to face the Steelers in Pittsburgh and have a good chance of upsetting them if they manage to keep Philip Rivers uniform somewhat stain free from a relentless defense.

The Ravens looked like the dominant team in the matchup with the Dolphins and forced Miami into 5 turnovers. Chad Pennington had Ed Reed on speed dial all day as the best defensive player in the game had two INT's while returning one for a TD. The Raven's defense will need to be on lockdown again as they travel to Tennessee to face a Titans team that will put a lot more pressure on rookie QB Joe Flacco. As long as Flacco doesn't turnover the ball then I expect the Ravens to win.

Donovan McNabb, Brian Westbrook, and Brian Dawkins came up with huge playoff performances once again as the Eagles beat the Vikings to advance to a NFC East showdown in East Rutherford. I think who ever wins the Eagles-Giants game will advance to the Super Bowl to represent the NFC, or as Sean Kennedy calls it the Triple A of football.

KATHY GRIFFIN HAS A DIRTY MOUTH

And I think I like it. Yes, she is disgusting and she was doing a New Year's Eve Show with Anderson Cooper on CNN but you have to give her a hand for this smackdown she gave on live air...


Video HT: WWTDD

RANDOM LATE CHRISTMAS VIDEO

I know this is a week late but I thought this video was priceless...

A LITTLE INSPIRATION GOING INTO 2009

Okay, so maybe your 401K went to shit like mine this past year and your house value went down quicker than Julia Roberts on a casting couch but not all of 2008 was bad. For me personally it was a great year. I got married to the girl of my dreams without having to handcuff her to the well I made in the backyard in case she said no. My favorite sports teams in the Baltimore Orioles, Notre Dame Football, and Atlanta Thrashers all managed to play horrible this season when I did not attend their games but when I did they won them all. What can I say other than I'm good luck! We finally got over the whole hoopla over electing someone with some brains for once and picked a great candidate in Barack Obama. We got some of the greatest, most courageous human beings serving in our military right now who deserve a solid pat on the back and a thank you. We got to witness one of the best movie performances of all-time by the late Heath Ledger in the Dark Knight. We also got unbelievable performances from Michael Phelps in the Olympics. The New York Giants won the Super Bowl thanks to the greatest play in Super Bowl history with Eli Manning alluding Patriot defenders and David Tyree catching the impossible with his helmet and hand. Tiger Woods fought through a terrible injury to seal another US Open win. We got to witness the greatest tennis match of all-time as Rafael Nadal edged Roger Federer in the epic Wimbledon Final. The Tampa Bay Rays proved you don't have to have all the money in the world and can still win the American League East thanks to good scouting and development especially among pitching(take a hint Baltimore). 2008 might go down as the best sport year considering all the brilliant performances in big time moments.

So maybe your team didn't win a championship or maybe they didn't win at all like the Detroit Lions. At least you are still here walking on the face of the greatest nation to ever be assembled. Cheer the fuck up and be ready to rock out in 2009.

Here is your inspirational speech going into 2009:



Here is to looking forward to 2009 when the Atlanta Falcons will take on the Baltimore Ravens in the Super Bowl. Here is to the North Carolina basketball team finishing off an undefeated season by beating the Tar out of everybody. Here is to Notre Dame finally getting their shit together and beating USC at home in a magical season that ends in BCS chaos. Here is to thanking every single one of you who come on this blog and put up with my rants and rambles.

Have a great New Years!

BCS GAMES START TOMORROW, WHY NOT GET THE SHIRT TO START THE NEW YEAR?

With the BCS games starting tomorrow I thought now would be a great time to promote one of our shirts. Our BC$ shirt is one of the most popular ones we sell coming in 4th in annual sales behind Ann Arbor is a Whore, FUSC, and Drink Like A Champion Today. I think this goes to show you that people really don't like the BCS and want playoffs instead of this bullshit system we have right now.
Here are my predictions for the BCS games tomorrow. The Rose Bowl again will be a home game for the O.J.'s. They face JoePa's State Penn squad who also only has one loss on their resume. Both teams would have a legitimate shot at a NC in a playoff system so I think this game might be a little tighter than most people think. The O.J.'s and State Penn both play great defense and the O.J.'s have at least 5 guys on their D who will be 1st round picks either this year or next. Their offense isn't anything special but I think they will pull out some tricks tomorrow and overwhelm State Penn with some reverses and tailback passes.
Prediction: O.J.'s 24 State Penn 17

The other game is the Orange Bowl. You have the ACC Champ vs. the Big East Champ. In other words the one BCS Bowl that really no one gives a shit about except for those fan bases. Virginia Tech is so damn boring to watch it's like trying to stay awake during a Harry Potter film. And if you like Harry Potter please just go away now or come back when your balls decide to drop. Cincy won the Big East which kind of like winning a pie eating contest. Sure you ate the most pies but it in the end you are still just a fat kid with shit all over your face, you just ate more shit than the other fatties. Honestly I don't give a fuck about the Orange Bowl and I probably won't even watch it. I hear Brian Kelly is a helluva coach and that Frank Beamer's growth knows how to teach special teams but whatever, I don't care. I've probably seen all of 20 minutes of film on both these teams combined so this prediction is as garbage as one you would get on the WWL.
Prediction: Frank Beamer's growth 17 Big Least 14

OREGON'S LEGARRETTE BLOUNT HURDLES OVER THE COWBOYS

The Holiday Bowl is known for having one of the most exciting bowl games because it usually matches up two teams that don't know how to play defense. Last night was a perfect example as the Oregon Ducks beat the Oklahoma State Cowboys thanks to this incredible run by Oregon RB Legarrette Blount...

Hell of a run by Blount but seriously, what was up with the safety on the play? It's like he decided to play grab ass for five yards thinking those hideous Duck uni's might be toxic. I know Nike is a global brand and people love it for the most part because they have Asian kids making them for 15 cents a day but can they please come up with a better uniform to represent the Oregon Ducks? Their uniforms remind me of the disco fabulous 70's and early 80's uniforms sported by teams like the Houston Astros, Pittsburgh Pirates, and Baltimore Orioles. They made you sick just to look at them. Maybe that is the allure of the Oregon uniform. Defenders are so turned off they don't even want to get near it let alone tackle it.

I also wanted to show this clip of St. Louis Ram's RB Steven Jackson hurdling an Atlanta Falcon's defender on Sunday. After watching the game there is little doubt in my mind that Jackson is one of the 2-3 best runningbacks in the game right now. He plays on a shit team but the guy brings the business 100% of the time he touches the ball and I personally would love to have a player of Jackson's ability and heart on my team unlike nancy boy Tomlinson....


Video HT: FanIQ

CHASE DANIEL'S FAMILY IS HIGHLY EMOTIONAL

The bat shit crazy lady on the left is the mother of Missouri QB Chase Daniel. She appears to be somewhat normal in comparison to her daughter, the girl in the middle, who had the look on her face like she just witnessed 2 Girls 1 Cup for the first time. And the awesome lassie on the right of the screen is Daniel's girlfriend who is looking forward to traveling with him while he auditions for scout QB jobs in the NFL. Missouri won the battle of the journalism schools last night by beating Northwestern in another bowl game I had absolutely no interest in and honestly can say I didn't watch one highlight of it.

On the other hand I watched about 10 hours of the NFL on Sunday because the games actually meant something. Starting with the Falcon's game against the Rams and then proceeding with the Eagles unbelievably awesome beat down of the Cowgirls followed up by the nightcap of the Chargers laying the River's lumber down on a terrible Broncos team to get in the playoffs. By the way, LT is one of biggest vaginas in the world. People love him but as soon as he gets a hangnail or his anal cavity flaps in the wind he comes out with an "apparent" injury. Man up for once LT and play like a leader you piece of shit.

Sorry for that readers, had to get it off my chest. Never been a huge fan of Tomlinson who really doesn't deserve his nickname. The real LT would do blow all day and then kick the living shit out of QB's whom I sure were doing blow too while murdering runningbacks like they were Ray Lewis in Atlanta. He deserves to be in the Hall of Fame. Tomlinson should be in the Hall of Roast Beef ends. If you don't believe me then why don't you ask his "action" figurine...



Video HT: Barstool Sports

HAKEEM NICKS SECURES A GREAT CATCH AND FUTURE NFL MILLIONS

North Carolina WR Hakeem Nicks put on a one man show today against West Virginia in a losing effort on the field at the Meineke who gives a rat's ass bowl. But Nicks will be winning millions of future NFL dollars in April once he is selected in the first round after brilliant catches like this one today...

Michael Crabtree would still be my #1 choice for a receiver in the draft but the way Nicks uses his size and his ability to snag some difficult balls would make it very hard for any NFL GM to pass on. Especially the Detroit Lions. Seriously, the Lions are dumb enough to take another receiver. It's not even funny anymore.

MICHAEL FLOYD'S GOLDEN SHOWER MOMENT

It's always great to hear porn references during a Notre Dame football game. It's just a matter of time before the money shot comes along. Thank god the bowl curse is over and now Notre Dame can go into an offseason with the momentum of a bowl victory. Sure it was only the Hawaii Bowl but it gets the monkey off their backs.

HAWAII BOWL THOUGHTS

No more excuses for Notre Dame. They have to win this bowl game. Hawaii is not good and for that matter either is Notre Dame but they should win because they have way more experience and talent than the Warriors.

Every position on the field except maybe defensive line they have a huge advantage in terms of playing time and talent. Sure it's a home game for Hawaii but it shouldn't matter. If the Fighting Irish can not find enough motivation to end a 15 year bowl game losing streak tonight and wipe off the disgust of a 6-6 campaign then they don't deserve to wear the blue and gold.

Man up Irish! Come out with some fire and get ready to knock the shit out of your opponent. Stop being the nice guys. This is football. Kill or be killed. Throw bombs to Golden Tate. Run reverses to Golden Tate. Do direct snaps to Golden Tate. The point is get the ball into Golden Tate's hands as much as possible. Stop fucking around with your opponent and show some pride and determination to be the best that you can be and go out there and win one for the Limper.

Prediction:Notre Dame 31 Hawaii 24

The bowl curse is finally over. Michael Haywood leaves ND to go to Miami of Ohio with a good taste in his mouth knowing the last two places he left their programs won National Championships (LSU and Texas) the year after. One can only hope the same happens for the Irish in 2009.

ROY FIRESTONE'S THOUGHTS ON THE TEIXEIRA SIGNING

Just to give you some background information Roy Firestone is a huge Baltimore Orioles fan. He doesn't do "Up Close" anymore on ESPN but still follows sports avidly and is very passionate in regards to his favorite team the Orioles. Here is what he posted today on Orioles Hangout after learning Mark Teixeira was going to sign with the New York Yankees...

Look. You could argue that the O's shouldve ponied up another 2 million more a year..make it 16 or 17 extra million... but somehow I think no matter what, the Yankees would have gone even higher.
This is just wrong.
Baseball should not be run by money. The game should not be dominated by a handful of teams. And theres no way that four of the highest paid players in the game should play on the same team.
Think about that.
Four players on the same team make more than entire budgets of many major league teams.
I think I know where you are going. Well.. what if it had been the Red Sox or the Angels or even the Nats? Would that make this more just? Of course not. I find this whole execise despicable..EVEN if it had been the Orioles who signed him at that number!!
I will make a prediction. And it is not just mine. I think baseball will hit some serious financial problems and one or two teams will go bankrupt. Maybe more.
Most fans will resent the financial inequity and the inability to compete. Baseball could be villified for this.
I believe the Yankee franchise will be in serious financial trouble someday, perhaps in the not too distant future.
Its already unbelievable that it costs a family of four something close to 200 to 250 dollars to enjoy a baseball game at the ballpark. The Yankees have single game tickets in the box area that go for an astonishing 2,500 dollars.
This is wrong. This is an insult to the American sports fan.On top of that with this country teetering into an unemployment rate of 8-9% and maybe higher...baseball has got a lot of nerve.
This is a dark day for sports in America.

I couldn't agree more with Roy. I have this sinking feeling that we will have some MLB teams fold because so many teams are going to be strapped with ridiculous contracts that can not be torn apart. Paying a baseball player $20 million plus a season is beyond ridiculous. Paying one $15 million a season is also way too much. A player like Mark Teixeira doesn't sell tickets. He isn't a Albert Pujols or a Manny Ramirez or even a Derek Jeter. Those guys sell tickets.

MLB needs to adopt the NFL model in pay if it wants to succeed in the future. No contracts are guaranteed except your signing bonus. This way small market teams other than the big market teams can compete for free agents and not be afraid to get caught with a debilitating chokehold of a contract around their neck for years to come. The player doesn't perform up to their pay scales then they deserve to be cut just like all of us do if we don't perform to the highest standards set by our profession.

But whatever, it doesn't matter what I think because MLB and their officials could honestly care less. In the end the league will only fail if people stop going. I'm starting now by not throwing out my hard earned money for the MLB package in the spring. I can find better ways to spend my $169 for a product/business that cares less what the fans think. I will go to the games but only if they are free tickets or if I can buy them off a scalper for less than face value. I've been kicked in the nuts way too many times to not learn to protect myself from future ball pain.

THANKS FOR NOTHING TEIXEIRA

Thanks for proving beyond everything that greed wins out in the end. Forget about any boyhood aspirations of playing for the home team you grew up rooting for in the end all that mattered were the number of zeros in your check. Thanks for going to play for the Baltimore Orioles most hated rival in the New York Yankees. Thanks for proving beyond a doubt you are just another one of Scott Boras' lackeys. Thanks for the bullshit you will spew in a few days when introduced in your brand new pinstripes prison suit that you signed the contract because "you just wanted to win." Thanks for letting down the whole state of Maryland and proving you are who you are and that is a greedy, overpaid athlete who is too scared to lead a team on his own.

Thanks for being the bitch you are Mark. $180 million will buy you a lot of friends but it will never buy you loyalty or pride in oneself. So in the end thank you for proving to everyone and finally myself that you are nothing more than a gluttonous reprehensible athlete that is the epitome of everything that is wrong in sports. The almighty dollar wins and you too will win as you get booed for grounding into that crucial double play in Yankees Stadium and again booed unmercifully as your picture comes up on the jumbo tron at Orioles Park.

$180 million just bought you this for the rest of your playing days...

NHL HOCKEY AT WRIGLEY FIELD

It doesn't really matter if you like hockey the concept of playing the frozen game on Wrigley Field is cool. Of course Gary Bettman made the mistake of scheduling it on January 1st when many Americans like myself would rather be watching bowl games that really don't matter. The Chicago Blackhawks should have the homefield advantage taking on the Detroit Red Wings and hopefully like last year there will be a lot of snow involved. I've got a question and it's a serious one since I have never experienced a game in freezing conditions: Do they have to serve beer warm to keep it from freezing? Or do you just stick it up your ass and then dispense once needed?

Video HT: WithLeather

HORRIBLE BREAK FOR FRESHMAN SENSATION DEANDRE BROWN

Lost among the talk of the terrific trio of freshmen receivers this year in college football from the big time programs in Michael Floyd, AJ Green, and Julio Jones is the season Southern Miss Deandre Brown put together. Unfortunately his season came to an end last night in the bowl victory over Troy last night when he leg inadvertently snapped in two. I hope the young man heals quickly and gets back on the football field soon.

PLAYOFFS BABY!!

SO THIS IS WHAT $243 MILLION WILL BUY YOU

A.J. Burnett and his wife Karen(rumored to be an ex-stripper) supposedly wanted to stay near their home in Bowie, MD but then when the Yankees offered $82 mil all bets were off. C.C. Sabathia and his wife wanted to go back to home on the West Coast but then the Yankees blew out everybody and gave him $161 million. Two pitchers for $243 million who with fantastic seasons might win 35-40 games combined if C.C. doesn't blow out his arm on a plate of spaghetti and A.J. doesn't trip over a hangnail to the disabled list.

There is no doubt the Yankees are a way better team today then they were last week. But $243 million for two guys in a terrible economy bordering on the line between shitty and nasty? Now that is just stupid. At least tickets in the new billion dollar plus stadium will be cheap next season. If you want to sit in the lower deck the minimum seat is $100 with prices going up to $2500 per seat. Second deck starts at $75 a ticket. And the cheap seats in the upper bowl, in between air traffic and the Empire State Building go for $20. At least from those seats you won't be able to see Madonna's VD. Have fun Yankees fans taking your family to a ballgame which would make Disney World envious of the cash you spill for 3 hours of boredom.

THIS IS FOR GENE CHIZIK MR. BARKLEY

Bravo C-Webb for pulling a good one on Charles Barkley with the President Bush shoe throwing impersonation.

BRAVES PRESIDENT JOHN SCHUERHOLZ GOES OFF ON FURCAL'S AGENTS

Current Atlanta Braves president and former GM John Schuerholz had these choice words for the agent of Rafael Furcal as told by the AJC's Jeff Schultz:

“Having been in this business for 40-some years, I’ve never seen anybody treated like that,” Schuerholz said. “The Atlanta Braves will no longer do business with that company — ever. I told [agent] Arn Tellem that we can’t trust them to be honest and forthright. I told him that in all my years, I’ve never seen any [agency] act in such a despicable manner.

“It was disgusting and unprofessional. We’re a proud organization and we won’t allow ourselves to be treated that way. I advised Arn Tellem that whatever players he represents, just scratch us off the list. Take the name of the Atlanta Braves off their speed dial. They can deal with the other 29 clubs and we’ll deal with the other hundred agents.”

“I expressed my great disappointment to him,” he said. “I watched as Frank shared with me the circumstances of his negotiations with Furcal — negotiations to the point where we increased our offer and he [Kinzer] then asked for a signed term sheet to be sent over. We never got that signed term sheet faxed back to us and we later found out why — because they took that offer and shopped it.”

When asked about Tellem’s reaction, Schuerholz said: “He was surprised. He tried to explain himself. He said he had nothing to do with it — it was the work of Paul Kinzer. I reminded him that [Kinzer] works for him and he has to stand behind the people who work for him. I told him I was making this official, and I was going to make it public.”

As much as I hate agents and some of the things they do in bartering a player's career why don't the owners/GM's ever hold the player accountable? Doesn't Rafael Furcal have some part of the blame on this deal? If he really wanted to come back to Atlanta I think he would have signed the papers and been done with it but they shopped it back to the Dodgers so he would have to have some knowledge of this.

I'm starting to worry that this shit is going to happen to Mark Teixeira in his dealings with Scott Boras. Teixeira wants to play for the Baltimore Orioles. He really does as hard as it is for some people to understand. Mark and I are basically the same person except he makes millions and millions of dollars and is a hell of a baseball player. We both grew up loving the Orioles and idolized Cal Ripken. In fact I believe we were born in the same hospital and our families are both from the Severna Park, MD area. We both went to college in Georgia and met our wives there. And being an Orioles fan there is no way in hell I would sign with the Red Sox, Yankees, or Washington Nationals over my beloved Baltimore Orioles. He could be close to home with family and friends and all the trimmings of being a local hero come home to revitalize a once proud franchise. And if the Orioles offered $140-150 million for 7 years then why would you take that offer and shop it to your rivals and go with those guys instead of the franchise you grew up loving. It just doesn't make a lot of sense. It can't all be about the money right? Tell me it's not just about the money Tex? Sorry, I watched Jerry Maguire the other night.

Anyways this offseason of baseball is making my stomach turn and making more disgusted with the sport as a whole. It's too much about shady agents and dumb owners and GM's giving players who aren't worth the money way too much of it. There seems to be no loyalty anymore and it even seems to trickle down to the writers like Buster Olney and Peter Gammons who think no other teams beside the Red Sox and Yankees should bid for players or think about going after the top free agents because those two teams are the only ones that matter. I'm sick of it to be honest with you.

If Teixeira signs with the Red Sox then I am not going to watch any baseball in 2009. I'm serious. There is no reason why the Red Sox are even bidding for his services. They have an All-Star first baseman in Kevin Youkilis and a great DH in David Ortiz so what is the point in adding him? Hopefully Teixeira goes with his heart and signs with the Orioles and then I can order my MLB package and go to the games and spend $9 on a fucking beer and $15 for parking because it's the "economics of the game."

Oh yeah, on the original point of the article. Good for Schuerholz in stepping up and telling those dirtbag agents to go fuck off. This is what separates current GM Frank Wren from Schuerholz. He has balls and is not afraid to tell an agent or a player to basically go fuck off. I wish he was still the Braves GM because they would have a hell of a lot better product on the field next year.

F THE CELTICS...JOSH SMITH AND THE HAWKS WILL GET THEM NEXT TIME

So the Atlanta Hawks didn't beat the obnoxious Boston Celtics last night to end their 15 game winning streak and I say who cares. The Hawks match up well with the Celtics and you can tell that KG and Paul Pierce are scared of what this team could do to them come playoff time. The Celtics with the win are now 24-2 and clearly the best team in the NBA(although I'm sure Lakers and Cavs fans would disagree) but they are afraid of this Atlanta squad ever since the Hawks took them to 7 improbable games last year in the playoffs. You don't see KG or Pierce shouting with emotion after a normal victory over the Grizzlies because they don't fear them. Josh Smith and the Hawks will have the last laugh. Sure the Celtics are 2-0 so far against the Hawks but both games could have easily and probably should have been won by Atlanta. I'm going to go out on a limb right now and say the Hawks will eliminate the Celtics in the playoffs.

NBA Finals Prediction: Hawks vs. Lakers bitches!

IRAQ SHOE THROWING STORE

Sorry I have been light on the posts recently. This week has been extremely busy for me with the whole Christmas shopping thing going and shipping out stuff and answering emails like an insane Iraqi shoe salesman. After watching the video above, which made my sides hurt from laughter, I have to give President Bush some props. Way to duck those flying saucers called shoes! And what in the hell was the Secret Service doing? It's almost like they wanted him to get hit. There was no agent throwing his body in front of the second shoe to protect the President. Those guys should be hired to protect Scott Boras.

BETWEEN TWO FERNS

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis by Between Two Ferns

File that under WHO GIVES A SHIT.

PRO BOWL SNUBS

I will be the first to admit that I could usually care less who makes the Pro Bowl. It's a glorified vacation in Hawaii with worn out NFL players sipping down Singapore Slings and Mai Tais while staring down other things then their wives(call it the Antonio Pierce syndrome) and less about going out and playing tackle football. But this year I have watched a ton of NFL football mainly because the Atlanta Falcons and Baltimore Ravens are both battling for playoffs spots with rookie quarterbacks and rookie head coaches and so I have invested something in the 2008 season.

How these players didn't make the Pro Bowl is a joke and signals how much of the selection is just on past reputation:

JOHN ABRAHAM (Atlanta Falcons)-Abraham has been a beast all season playing on a Falcon's defense which is underrated. Abraham leads all NFL defensive ends in sacks with 15 1/2 yet he got shafted in favor of an underperforming Julius Peppers. We all know Jared Allen of the Minnesota Vikings and Justin Tuck of the New York Giants should be there but picking Peppers over Abraham is an injustice. He has 3 more sacks and has come up huge in big play situations for the Falcons unlike Peppers.

STEVE SLATON (Houston Texans)-Let me be the first to admit, like my prediction on Matt Ryan, that I was completely wrong about Slaton's impact in the NFL. I honestly didn't think he would have one. But Slaton has proved me wrong by rushing for 1,124 yards and 12 TD's while also catching 40 balls. He deserved to get the nod over Ronnie Brown of the Miami Dolphins. Brown has rushed for 300 LESS yards, 2 TD's LESS, and caught 16 LESS balls while averaging LESS yards per carry than Slaton. That is a lot of LESS and therefore Slaton won't be able to enjoy the leis of Hawaii when he should be.

PHILIP RIVERS (San Diego Chargers)-He has 28 TD passes to lead the AFC and has an impressive QB rating of 101.4. Yet Brett Favre makes the Pro Bowl over him despite leading the NFL in interceptions and his 21 TD's and 86.4 QB rating are not even close to comparable to Rivers. What a fucking joke! Favre might be one of the most overrated players in NFL history. Just ask Peter King after he gets off his knees and removes Favre's member from his mouth.

Those are my three biggest snubs. There are others like Ryan Clady of the Broncos who you could make an argument should be there but I felt there was no argument against Abraham, Slaton, or Rivers getting the selection.

HITLER REACTS TO NOTRE DAME COACHING

Ich liebe Urban Meyer!

BRIAN MCCANN HAS A SUPERBAD MOMENT ON HIS BAT

Deadspin has this great picture of Atlanta Braves catcher Brian McCann who apparently likes to draw things on his bat. I think we could all see this coming when McCann was in high school and admitted his problem with dong drawing....

CONVINCING SIEMENS COMMERCIAL

First be warned before viewing this commercial. IT HAS NUDITY! I know, it's terrible and obviously not safe for work and the commercial makes little sense but either does this blog and it's readers so I figured why not post it. Obviously the Europeans are a little bit more open in terms of nudity and sky diving...

Link:

God I would love to see a commercial like this played during the Super Bowl just to see the reactions from all the conservative Christians. Their tears of guilt would make it all worth while. Sinners.

Also I found this story pretty interesting in regards to France's First Lady Carla Bruni. Apparently she is suing a bag maker over the use of her nude image while she was a model back in the day. The bags are a huge hit and if you look at her below you can tell why. What is the world coming to when the French get this is a first lady and we got 8 years of George Bush?

She has my vote! You can view more Carla Bruni pics at this link.

Video HT: Joe

AUBURN LOVES THEM SOME GENE CHIZIK

Boooo, 5-19 is not good enough at Iowa State but apparently it's okay for Auburn to fire Tommy Turberville and replace him with Gene Chizik. Laughter and crying can now commence as Auburn goes back to being the doormat of Alabama...


I feel bad for Auburn. Their fans are obviously upset and vulnerable right now. They already hate Gene Chizik and he has yet to even call a play. This of course is the complete opposite of how Alabama fans reacted to the hire of Nick Saban. We going bowling...WHHHHOOOOOO!!!!....


Video HT: Billy

WAS IT A TOUCHDOWN?

The two top ranked NFL defenses showed up yesterday in Baltimore in a great game ending with a controversial call. Personally it didn't look like the ball broke the plane of the end zone and I'm not sure what the officials saw on replay to make it indisputable. Remember that the goal line official spotted Santonio Holmes just short of the end zone so when they went to replay the call had to be indisputable to over turn the original call. So in other words the Ravens got screwed at home. With the win the Pittsburgh Steelers won the AFC North and will now enjoy a first round bye and have a good chance of getting home field advantage throughout the playoffs. Right now the Steelers are playing great football and with the New York Giants looking like garbage in Dallas last night I believe you have to put the Steelers as the favorite to win the Super Bowl.