TRIUMPH VISITS BONNAROO

My main man MacG has this entertaining video of Triumph the Insult Dog paying a little visit to the hippie music fest that is Bonnarroo. On a completely unrelated note I got the chance to see Eddie Vedder play live last night. He played some old classics like "Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town" while also playing more recent tunes such as "Rise" and closing it out with "Hard Sun." It was a fantastic experience and it was actually the first time I got to see Vedder live. Yep, I have never seen Pearl Jam play live. Should be criminal to admit this. Any way the show was awesome except for the two smelly shitbags sitting to the right of me. I call them shitbags because they smelled like a mixture of fresh baby pooh, stale cigarettes, and the Chattahoochee River in a hot August summer night. They smelled like hippies. Triumph would have had a field day with those two. They couldn't ruin it for me and my wife though. Hearing Vedder jam the mandolin was on par with seeing the Sistine Chapel for the first time. Pure genius.

HIGH WIRE JONATHAN DWYER

Coming back to The Flats this fall is Georgia Tech junior runningback Jonathan Dwyer. The returning ACC Player of the Year is only the third Yellow Jacket to accomplish the honor, joining Calvin Johnson and Josh Hamilton whom were both serious Heisman Trophy candidates. Dwyer should be one too this season. Last season he rushed for 1395 yards while averaging 7 yards a carry. Expect huge numbers from him this season as Paul Johnson puts in more plays utilizing Dwyer's speed and power.

Check out these highlights from 2008:

Absolutely running over the Miami Hurricanes...


Running past their hated rival Georgia Bulldogs...


Showing off his strength, determination and power against Duke...


And here is another one against Miami showing off his Barry Sanders-like jukes...


So keep an eye out this fall for Dwyer of Georgia Tech. He most certainly deserves the attention and the pub. I'm having a hard time finding a more complete back in the college game right now. I guess most could say Cal's Jahvid Best has more speed which can't be argued but I think if I had to pick a back in college right now to give the ball 20-30 times a game and help carry my team to win it would be Dwyer. Who would you want toting the rock this season?

PHILLIES ANNOUNCER LIKES TO ROCK AROUND THE COCK

Phillies announcer Chris Wheeler meant to say clock...or did he? You be the judge.

Video HT: Deadspin

TOMMY HANSON AND THE BRAVES SHUT DOWN THE YANKEES

Tommy Hanson extended his scoreless innings streak to 14 as the Atlanta Braves beat the New York Yankees 4-0. It was the Braves second consecutive shutout and kept them within 4 games of the division leading Phillies. What else can you say about the kid Hanson? He is already dominating major league hitters and yet he still hasn't pitched like he is capable of according to himself.

"I was pretty pumped up," Hanson said. "I felt like I made some good pitches, and I felt like I made some not-so-good pitches. I definitely battled the whole game. It just feels good to come out of here with a win."

Hanson is going to be nasty. If only the Braves could find some offensive pieces not named Chipper and McCann then this team could go deep in the playoffs with their pitching.

SOCCER + ICE CREAM + KID= TELEVISION GOLD

I can't stop laughing at this kid's face. The little pudge monster has the same exact look as myself whenever I see a hooker reading Phil Steele's College Football Preview.

GAYTORS VS. CRIMINOLES: WHO YOU TAKING?

The game is still 5 months away but I thought this gif image from EDSBS was too funny not to post. I will go ahead and take the Gaytors over the chunky melons of Criminoles any day. Dam gum it!

GOLDEN IS THY FAME

Reason #1 to be excited about Notre Dame football in 2009: Golden Tate is back!

THE YANKEES AND THEIR FANS COME TO THE TED TOMORROW

This is what happened when the Yankees visited the Florida Marlins this past weekend on Father's Day nonetheless. You would think an interleague game between two teams with zero history would have less fisticuffs and spitting than a divisional game. I guess not. The Yankees and their fans(insert joke here) come to The Ted tomorrow. The place will surely be rocking with plenty of wannabe Italians rocking their Jeter jerseys and cursing at everything in sight. It's in their nature, god blessed them this way. After seeing this fight I'm not so sure I want to be going down to Atlanta on Wednesday for the game. They already have enough inbreds working as ushers and security down there that I would get innocently thrown into the slammer just for being in the general vicinity of a fight while wearing my A-Roids shirt. I want to go just to sit there and laugh at the Yankees fans but they always manage to get under my skin. Actually a lot of team's fans get on my nerves but Yankees fans top it all off with their holier than thou attitude. I got a lot of friends who are Yankees fans who are great guys so don't get me wrong, they are not all scumbags. But the ones who go to games and get in fights right in front of their children and then laugh it off like it's no big deal scare me. General rule in life: don't get in fights with wild animals, retards, and Yankees fans from New Jersey. All possess superhuman strength with an inability to be reasoned with.

Video HT: Barstool Sports

ATTACK CARDIO WITH VINNIE JONES

Little round around the edges are we? Too much flab? Haven't seen your manpiece without the assistance of a mirror in years? Well then you need Vinnie Jones...

YOUR MONDAY MORNING WAKE UP SONG

REDNECK FIRE ALARM

No need for batteries.

Image HT: Joe

GEORGIA STATE TO PLAY ALABAMA IN 2010

You will accept these payments for your blood.

You got to hand it to my Alma Mater Georgia State. They don't even have a football program but in 2010 they will start one and have an agreement with the Alabama Crimson Tide to play Nov. 20, 2010, at Bryant-Denny Stadium in Tuscaloosa. Holy shit! This is going to be a bloodbath. The Panthers program will get $400,000 and the notoriety of getting their asses humiliated by a SEC powerhouse. Actually it's kind of humiliating on the Bama side that they scheduled a football team that doesn't even exist. And I was giving Notre Dame shit for thinking about scheduling Army! Bama and Nick Saban upped the anti on all-time cupcake games with this agreement.

As a Georgia State grad I'm actually excited to see how the Panthers football program develops. Their head coach Bill Curry coached at Georgia Tech and Kentucky and was known to be an effective recruiter so I'm sure he can sell the programs benefits which are...uhhh...let me think...immediate playing time and a chance to play in the Georgia Dome. All of Georgia State's home games will be played in the Dome so that could be an effective recruiting tool. They also might be able to get in the kids who couldn't qualify for UGA or Tech. Before you know it they will be joining the Big East.

YOU KNOW YOU HAVE ARRIVED

Matt Wieters aka switch-hitting Jesus hit his first major league home run last night. In doing so he also collected his first RBIs and got the old shaving cream pie to the face from Adam Jones. Wieters has finally arrived. Look out.

KOBE BRYANT: THE ULTIMATE RAPIS....TEAMMATE

It's great to see that Kobe Bryant is the ultimate teammate and doesn't think of himself as any bigger than the actual Lakers team itself. See how he even wears the same shirt as his teammates at the parade today to celebrate his 4th, I mean the Lakers 15th NBA Championship?

Don't worry, we all know what the four finger shirt means. It's the amount of fingers he got into that poor Colorado gi......oh nevermind.

Image HT: Deadspin

CHECK OUT OKLAHOMA STATE'S NEW DIGS

I'm sorry but where the fuck is the Grey Poupon? Hookers and blow? They want to call this a first-rate college football facility but I don't see those essentials anywhere in the video. I'm very disappointed in T. Boone Pickens. The billionaire donated $282 million for these facilities upgrades for the Oklahoma State Cowboys and I don't see one "escort" for the players. You would think they would have consulted with Pete Carroll or Mack Brown in how to impress their players with those extra "perks." But yeah, the place looks nice and should look great when Georgia comes in September 5th and beats the shit out of them. By the way UGA just finalized a media rights deal with ISP Sports for $92.8 million. The hookers and blow in Athens should be outstanding now.

THE GRIZZLIES ARE GOING TO TAKE THIS GUY?

The Memphis Grizzlies have the #2 pick in the NBA Draft this year and mock draft boards everywhere have them selecting UCONN's Hasheem Thabeet. Excuse but can I ask "Why?" I get he is 7'2 and centers are hard to find but the guy blows. Have any of these scouts actually watched this guy play? He gets pushed around like Tony Romo on a Jessica Simpson tour. And please don't even try to compare his game to Dikembe Mutombo. Mutombo had skills and knew how to rebound, block shots, and score when needed when he wasn't waging his finger at the opposition. Sorry for the NBA post but I think it needs to be stated: Thabeet blows balls and the Grizzlies are retards if they draft him.

I think TLC should look into getting Thabeet a show. He is carnie material for sure.

FUNNY HEADLINE

Hitting is sports related right guys? Don't act like you don't know who this mom is either. I got pulled in as soon as my wife said there was a show about this couple involving sextuplets. I thought sextuplet was some weird, freaky sex position I never heard of before. Low and behold I find out it's not some crazy sex practice and instead focuses on these little kids who are obviously Nike shoe makers living right here in America. The world is a fucked up place I tell you and if you don't agree then try watching TLC for a night. It's like an open audition for carnies on there.

Anywho, I thought the headline was pretty funny "CAUGHT HITTING HER DAUGHTER!" Well yeah, everybody gets hit as a kid. It's part of growing up. The kid probably fucked up the stitching on the Air Jordans and had to be reprimanded. It's called learing a lesson where I come from. Plus I hate it when my Nike's stitching starts coming undone when I'm trying to dunk on a 8 foot goal. This is a lesson that little Gosselin girl will learn quickly. But seriously, who the hell calls the cops? It must have been Phil Knight. He always calls the cops when one of his "little" workers isn't sweating in some warehouse to the sweet sounds of R. Kelly's "I believe I can fly!"

NOTRE DAME VS. TEXAS IN 2013...GO ON!

A couple of weeks ago I trashed Notre Dame pretty hard for thinking about scheduling Army to play at the new Yankees Stadium. Basically I thought it was a bullshit idea and it had no recruiting or fan viewing advantage for Notre Dame and their followers. I still hate the idea by the way and hope Notre Dame continues to play only one service academy every year in Navy. But with all the shit ideas Notre Dame comes up with (playing Washington State in San Antonio this year, WTF?) it's refreshing to read that their athletic director Jack Swarbrick is waking up to the possibility of scheduling the Texas fucking Longhorns in 2013!!!

QUESTION: As we understand it, there are potentially some financial issues that could hinder you in making the Army game happen in Yankee Stadium. But can you talk about the prospects of a game between Notre Dame and Texas in 2013 — and we’re assuming that would be at one of the two campuses?

I’m not really in a position to talk about the prospects of that game in any particular year. What I can say is that we would love to play Texas. We love playing the schools that have had a comparable history. But also that share our values.

I think Texas is one of the great athletic programs in the country. Not just now, but for many years. I’m a huge fan of the program, their coaches, and (athletic director) DeLoss (Dodds) is one of the giants of our industry. So, if we can figure out how to play Texas at some point, we would love to do it.

Now this idea makes my balls tingle. Notre Dame already has the Oklahoma Sooners on a home and away meeting in 2012 and 2013 as well as adding Brigham Young, Arizona State, and Rutgers. Adding Texas would be great because it shows to their students, alumni and the nation that they will play anybody, anywhere. This is what Notre Dame was built on, playing the big boys all around the country. A matchup with the Longhorns would also get high school football recruits from the great state of Texas interested in Notre Dame. The Fighting Irish have a 14-5 record in the state of Texas and are 4-0 playing in Austin.

This is a win-win proposition for both Notre Dame and Texas. Texas passed Notre Dame into 2nd for most wins in college football (Michigan is 1st) in 2008 so there is some sort of bragging rights rivalry that could be made between these two programs. These games need to happen because if Swarbrick is as concerned as he makes it out to be about college football tradition being important in their future football schedules than he needs to know that the nation and Notre Dame people want to see them play Texas, not Army. Make it happen.

EVERY WEEK ON ENTOURAGE

I like the new Turtle a lot more than that tub of shit they have currently. No worries, it will all work out. YEEEEEHHHHHHH!!!!!

HT: WWTDD

TOP 10 COLLEGE FOOTBALL GAMES OF 2009

We are less than 3 months away from loading up the car with the tailgating essentials (Beer, brats, and babes) and driving to our favorite campus to embark on a fall tradition unlike any other: COLLEGE FOOTBALL! Can you feel the excitement? If you can't then buck up fucker. 2009 is going to be a great season full of upsets and thrills starting September 3rd so let's take a look at the top 10 games which I believe will be exciting to watch and could determine the pecking order of the elite programs who have a chance to contend for BCS glory.

10. Nebraska at Virginia Tech, September 19th-This might come as a bit of a surprise to those who know that I usually trash Nebraska and Virginia Tech for being overhyped but this year is different. The Cornhuskers will be in their second season under Bo Pelini who had an impressive debut of 10 wins including a bowl victory in 2008. It may not sound like a lot to Husker Nation but they are headed it the right direction under Pelini. They have a ton of muscle and experience on both sides of the line and the defense should be greatly improved with a secondary that might be the best in the nation. Beamer-ball is coming off a season in which they won the ACC Title with an incredibly young team. I expect this game to be a close and exciting one like last year when the Hokies won 35-30 in Lincoln.

9. Georgia at Oklahoma State, September 5th-If you like to watch two of the best wideouts in the nation battle it out for bragging rights then this is your type of game. Oklahoma State's Dez Bryant is coming off an All-American season which saw him catch 19 TDs with nearly 1500 yards receiving in 13 games. True freshman AJ Green had a season to remember too in Athens last year as he was named first team SEC compiling nearly 1000 yards receiving. A lot of college football pundits are thinking this is a rebuilding year for Mark Richt and they will have a hard time winning in Stillwater. I think they are wrong. Georgia will have a ton of people jumping on their bandwagon especially if the defense is as good as I think they will be with the likes of Rennie Curran, Reshad Jones, and Geno Atkins returning.

8. BYU vs. Oklahoma at Arlington, September 5th-This should be a fun game to watch if you like high scoring offenses. Heisman Trophy winner Sam Bradford and the Sooners will score a shitload of points in this neutral site game. But so will Max Hall and BYU. The season opener for both programs I fully expect Bradford's Sooners to come out on top but from a pure entertainment standpoint I think this game will be one of the most exciting to watch.

7. Georgia at Georgia Tech, November 28th-Last year the Jackets stunned, or stung if you prefer, the Dawgs in Athens with a 45-42 victory. It was the first victory in 7 years for the Jackets against UGA and completed a very successful first regular season for new coach Paul Johnson. Georgia will be looking for revenge in Atlanta against a Tech team that returns 8 of their top 9 tacklers and all 5 of their top rushers from last season. As a Georgia resident who has attended over 20 games in Athens and Atlanta this will be my first time seeing these two battle on the same field. If it lives up to last year's battle then it shouldn't disappoint.

6. Oklahoma State at Oklahoma, November 28th-Yes, these games are usually lopsided in favor of the Sooners (79 wins vs 17 losses) between the two state rivals but this year should be different. Both of these Big 12 teams have high scoring offenses led by senior quarterbacks who should be in the battle for the...wait a second, let me get permission, calling lawyer, yes, the HEISMAN Trophy is okay to type without fear of being sued, okay, thanks...biggest singular achievement award in sports. The Sooners won last year in Stillwater 61-41 so expect more fireworks this season.

5. LSU at Georgia, October 3rd-As you may have noticed the majority of games I have listed were games that were extremely high offense last season. The same can be said of Georgia vs. LSU. Joe Cox is going to be a pleasant surprise for Dawg fans thinking the QB position is due for a step down with the departure of Matthew Stafford. Not so fast my friends. The Dawgs will have plenty of offensive fire power to work with even without Knowshon and Stafford. Caleb King and Richard Samuel as well as freshmen Carlton Thomas and Washaun Ealey are expected to fill in for Knowshon at the RB spot and Cox will have a talented group of receivers to work with led by AJ Green. The Tigers are looking to bounce back from ugly loss at home against the Dawgs and as always return a team full of elite talent but this year they have a lot more experience.

4. USC at Notre Dame, October 17th-We all know the recent history of these two rivals playing. USC has dominated minus the 2005 game. Last year USC embarrassed Notre Dame to the point where ND didn't get their first 1st down to the final play of the third quarter. With Mark Sanchez gone Aaron Corp is expected to fill in. Corp is not the same QB as Sanchez. Notre Dame will be blitzing nonstop trying to disrupt Corp because they have the benefit of boasting a secondary that ranks among the nation's elite. Jimmy Clausen and Charlie Weis legacy at Notre Dame will be defined by this game. Win and they have a legit shot of finishing the season with 1 or less losses and perhaps a shot at a BCS Title. Lose and they will be under the microscope for failing to deliver a long awaited Fighting Irish victory over the Trojans. For what it's worth Notre Dame hasn't lost a game I've personally attended since 1990. I will be at this game. Goal posts be damned.


3. USC at Ohio State, September 12th-We all know about the Trojans dominance on the football field since Pete Carroll took over and it showed last season when these two perennial powerhouses clashed in the Coliseum with USC whipping up on the Beanie-less Buckeyes 35-3. The Buckeyes were breaking in a new QB in Terrelle Pryor but that isn't the case in 2009 as Pryor should build on an impressive freshman season and be ready for a reloaded Trojan defense. The Buckeyes need to prove they can win the big game on a big stage. Too often they have been blown out when facing elite talent. This will be their chance to silent the critics like myself who believe Big Ten talent is inferior to the SEC conference and USC.

2. Florida at LSU, October 10th-I honestly believe this game is going to be an epic showdown in Baton Rouge. For some reason people are forgetting how talented LSU is especially where it counts: upfront. The Fear Les Tigers will be looking for some revenge for the ass kicking they took from the Gators last year in the Swamp. LSU will have home field but they will be coming off a tough road game in Athens the week before while the Gators enjoy an off week in preparation. I'm looking forward to seeing how Tim Tebow adjusts his game with Percy Harvin now in the NFL and going against the likes of DE Rahim Alem who should have an All-American season.

1. Texas vs. Oklahoma at Dallas, October 17th-These two fan bases absolutely hate each other. It's great and what college football is all about: the passion. The Red River Shootout lived up to it's billing last season as the Longhorns came back and beat the Sooners 45-35. The Longhorns got screwed out of the Big 12 Championship game thanks to the BCS ranking system and missed out on the BCS Title game because of it. They want to prove they belong there this year again. The Sooners will be looking to get revenge on their arch rival in Dallas. It's the biggest game of the year and it just happens to be on the same date as the USC-ND game. Holy fuck, we are talking college football Armageddon bitches. Colt McCoy vs. Sam Bradford. Mack Brown vs. Bob Stoops. Beer vs. Liver. The battle will be epic and you have no rights whatsoever to ever come up with an excuse to miss this game. Wedding and funerals be forgotten. This is college football.

SCOTT VAN PELT IN THE NEW TIGER WOODS EA GAME

WithLeather has the preview for the new EA Tiger Woods 2010 game. Actually there is no preview. It's ESPN's Scott Van Pelt talking as a cardboard cutout to Tiger Woods. It's actually quite funny. I was waiting for a "I banged my European nanny too!" joke but it never made it into the commercial. Maybe the game. We shall see.

CONGRATULATIONS GO OUT TO THE LAKERS AND PHIL JACKSON

If you hadn't noticed the Los Angeles Lakers won the NBA Championship last night. In doing so they captured their 15th NBA Title and Phil Jackson won his 10th as a coach. He now has the most championships as a head coach in any professional sport passing Red Auerbach who captured 9 with the Boston Celtics. He also has a fancy hat displaying the Roman Numeral "X" and the years of the titles he won in Chicago and LA. Before you get all huffy puffy about the hat let it be known his kids made it for him. 10 championships is ridiculous no matter how you cut it. And to think he would have 12 if MJ didn't decide to start playing baseball after his father got killed. I'm not a Lakers fan by any means but I've always respected the way they play the game. Not sure what it is but they just a flair about them. I don't even care about Kobe anymore, he is just so likable...

BOBBY COX BENCHES YUNEL ESCOBAR

The Atlanta Braves are playing embarrassing baseball right now and after losing 2 of 3 to the Baltimore Orioles this past weekend Bobby Cox needed to send a message to the team. Shortstop Yunel Escobar, aka Frosty tip douchebag, received it in the bottom of the third inning when he was benched for Diory Hernandez.

“I thought we should have turned a double play in the first inning,” Cox said. “They get no runs. And [it] wasn’t heads up on the rundown either. We pride ourselves on doing things right and being in the game [mentally] and don’t do things lackadaisically. I just felt we should have turned a double play easy. I’m not saying it cost us the game, but it cost us three runs in the first and you don’t know what’s going to happen in the second.”

I would show you replays of the two botched mental mistakes by Escobar if the MLB Gestapo would let me. But apparently showing MLB highlights without their consent is so Anne Frank. Listen, enough of the Nazi talk, Escobar needed to be benched yesterday. Actually he needed to be benched a long time ago. Escobar was begging for a wake up call and hopefully Cox delivered it loud and clear. Pay attention and hustle. Escobar has a ton of talent but the guy has the brain the size of an ant's penis.

And what does Escobar have to say about his benching? No habla English! Escobar is pulling the Sammy Sosa treatment and acting like he doesn't understand English. Relief pitcher Mike Gonzalez is his "translator" for any questions directed towards him. Have I told you how much I hate Escobar lately? The guy is such a piece of shit. He has been a distraction and he can't even own up to his own mistakes and instead has to hide behind one of his teammates. Fuck him. The Braves need to trade his ass immediately. He has value. The guy can play a mean short when he wants to but apparently he is still bothered by a lack of maturity.

This isn't the first time Cox has tried to get through to Escobar:

When asked if he was trying to get Escobar’s attention, Cox sighed and said, “I’ve talked to him an awful lot since he’s been here.”

Hopefully Gonzalez can translate it to him. You are gone amigo. When one of the greatest and most respected managers in MLB history has had enough then it is time to cut ties. The same with Jeff Francoeur. Both could use a change of scenery and both should have trade value. Personally I would want neither but I could see the Baltimore Orioles or Boston Red Sox expressing interest mainly because Escobar can swing a mean bat.

What do you guys think? Is Escobar and Frenchy the main problems on this team or does it run deeper? Why is hitting coach Terry Pendleton not a candidate to be replaced?

YOUR MONDAY MORNING WAKE UP SONG

Can't Tell Me Nothin' from Zach Galifianakis

PITTSBURGH PENGUINS WIN LORD STANLEY CUP

Penguins goalie Marc-Andre Fleury with the save of the year to preserve the victory for Pittsburgh in game 7. I thought you guys would enjoy the French Canadian broadcast more than the NBC feed. Those poor Canadians, we have to give them some recognition. After all it's only been about 2 decades since one of their own teams won the Cup. Evgeni Malkin was named MVP proving he is the best player on the Penguins. Sorry Sid but if it's any consolation you get your name on the Cup and the NHL will continue to kiss your ass for years to come. Congrats go out to the city of Pittsburgh. They have suffered for over 4 months till yesterday without a major sports championship. You really have to feel for them. So now it's up to the Pirates to keep the streak going. Ruh roh.

Sorry Boston, you have now lost your Titletown claim. Pittsburgh owns it for now.

USAIN BOLT CHINESE CHARACTER SHIRT

Now we know what he thinks about China and their government. He needs to wear this shirt the next time he races. The design should be on the back of the shirt so his competitors can see it.

IMAGE HT: DEADSPIN

BARBARO RETURNS TO BALTIMORE

The Atlanta Braves offense has been so pathetic this season that yesterday they called up a Barbaro Canizares
to hit cleanup and man first base. Yes, fresh from the glue factory is Barbaro. He replaced the hot hitting Greg Norton (.098 batting average) who went on the disabled list because of a sore bat. Here is an endorsement from one Braves player in regards to Barbaro:

”I heard he can’t run, can’t throw and can’t field, but the sumbitch can hit,” is what one Braves player told me this morning.

Barbaro struck out twice yesterday but did get his first hit in a 3-1 loss to the Pittsburgh Pirates.

Sweet! I'm looking forward to watching the Braves travel to Baltimore this weekend. Nothing like exciting 2-1 ballgames to keep you on the edge of your seat. Watching the Orioles and Braves the past couple of months has been like watching a soccer game. Eventually somebody might score.

Oh yeah, and the last time Barbaro visited Baltimore he broke his leg and eventually had to be put down. Canizares might want to skip this road trip.

A-ROIDS CHANT "YOU DO STEROIDS"

BRAVO RED SOX FANS, BRAVO! I want to see all my Atlanta Braves buddies loading up on the A-Roids shirt when the Yankees come to town on June 23rd. In fact, I would love to see the Ted filled with this shirt or the Yankees Suck shirt. Southerners are known for their politeness, let's debunk that myth with a little humor...


Video HT: Peter

MANNY DIDN'T RAPE OR KILL ANYBODY

According to Manny Ramirez as quoted in the LA Times, MLB officials should just get off his puss filled back about his steroid suspension and let him show up and practice with the rest of the team...

"I didn't kill nobody, I didn't rape nobody, so that's it," Ramirez said. "I'm just going to come and play the game."

Wait a second, Manny has double negatives which turns into a positive right? Sorry, it's been a while since I took grammar. So is he saying he did kill somebody and did rape somebody? I'm confused. He does swing a mean stick.

SCOUT'S HONOR

The MLB Draft is wrapping up today and after 50 rounds we pretty much will know nothing about how good a team drafted till at least 5 years down the road. But of course that doesn't stop ESPN's Keith Law in claiming the Red Sox were the big winners in the draft. Seriously, how do you keep up with all 50 of their picks and decide they were the big winner against 30 other teams picking 50 or more players? The MLB Draft is a lot about luck as much as it is about scouting. Guys who could pitch or hit in high school and college might not be able to adjust to playing baseball every day for a living.

As a fan of baseball I for the most part have to go by what scouts say in terms of talent evaluation because a lot of the players I haven't seen in person. There are way too many players out there to keep up with 10% of them so I always find it funny that experts like Keith Law can tell you who the winners and losers of the MLB Draft are before the thing is even over. What makes me laugh even more is Law is basing a lot of his judgements on what scouts tell him. Which makes me wonder if the scouts are being honest or just blowing smoke up his ass about certain prospects because they "discovered" them. Who knows but I did find this quote from an anonymous scout regarding the Nate McLouth trade to Atlanta very interesting if not borderline hysterical in Jayson Stark's latest Rumblings and Grumblings:

• Pitt Stop: We've heard mixed reviews around baseball on the package the Pirates got back for Nate McLouth. But one scout who has seen a lot of all three players thinks all three could be stars.

"I really like [left-hander Jeff] Locke," he said. "To me, he has a chance to be Jon Lester. And if [right-hander Charlie] Morton just throws strike one, he'll win 15-16 games a year, if not more. And one thing no one can dispute is that [outfielder] Gorkys Hernandez has five tools. Those tools still need a lot of work. But he can be a top-of-the-order guy who can give you power and produce runs. And he can run and throw and play some kind of center field. So to me, that was a deal where both teams got what they wanted and needed."

I've seen all three of those kids play and had a chance to look at their stats in the minor leagues. Locke "has a chance to be Jon Lester" is one of the funniest things I have read in a while. Sure he could be Lester. If only he had his stuff and his arm. Other than both throw lefty they don't have a lot in common. Locke had a ERA north of 5 in A ball as a 22 year old but yeah, he has a chance to be just like Lester. Lester by the way as a 21 year old was posting ERA's in the 2's at AA and AAA. But yeah, Locke could be just like Lester if he gets cancer perhaps.

I'm not even going to argue the Charlie Morton winning 15-16 games in the majors. Morton blows. He walked as many guys as he struck out last year in Atlanta. It's not like he is 21 years old and just had a bad run. The guy is 25 years old. He should be able to show something in the majors but he hasn't. But yeah, if he throws strike one he will magically start winning 15-16 games in the majors if the Pirates magically score 8-10 runs in every one of his starts.

And Gorkys Hernandez has "5 tools." One of them must be a vibrator for this scout because I don't see any power in Gorkys' game. In over 250 plate appearances this year Gorkys has yet to hit a home run in AA ball. Throughout his minor league career he has nearly 1500 plate appearances and has a total of 14 home runs. Yeah, the guy is bristling with power. And with drug testing as prevalent as it is now it's not like Gorkys is just going to suddenly develop power once he reaches the majors.

So this is just one instance where scout's honor is full of shit. Sure, one of those players the Braves traded to the Pirates could become a star. Not likely but they could. Looking at their minor league numbers doesn't suggest stars in the making but what do I know, I'm not a scout.

ROLLER GIRL STILL HAS IT

Okay, her name is Heather Graham, but if you ever saw Boogie Nights she will always be known to penises around the world as "Roller Girl." Here are some pictures of the actress at the England premiere of The Hangover...

JOE MONTANA'S SON SPURNS NOTRE DAME

Nick Montana, a four star high school quarterback who just happens to be Joe Montana's youngest son, has turned down offers from Notre Dame, Georgia, and Ohio State to go play for...get this...hold laughter till I complete the sentence...the University of Washington. Yes, the same Huskies school that went 0-12 last season. Okay, now you can release the shits and giggles.

Nick apparently fell in love with new head coach Steve Sarkisian. Take a look at this zinger:

"He's an awesome coach," Montana said, according to the report. "You just have to look at all the guys he's put into the pros."

I guess Charlie Weis, Mark Richt, and Jim Tressel are shit stains compared to the holy throne of Sarkisian. Sarkisian was instrumental in the development of Matt Leinart and Mark Sanchez while an assistant at USC but I would hardly point him out for the one pro who has actually accomplished anything in the NFL in Carson Palmer. I think Norm Chow was more of an influence on Palmer's career. But let's be honest here, the young Montana picked Washington because of playing time. The Oaks Christian HS rising senior (same school as Jimmy Clausen) wasn't going to steal time from Clausen and Dayne Crist at ND, Aaron Murray and Joe Cox at UGA, and most certainly not Terrelle Pryor at Ohio State. So he picked Washington so he could do his own thing in beautiful Seattle and not be under the shadow of his father at Notre Dame, not face the rigorous SEC competition in Athens, and not be Tressel's clipboard assistant in Columbus.

It's understandable. Some fans of Notre Dame are freaking out. A few of them. Actually not many. Nick is a good prospect but not a 5 star standout like Clausen and Crist. I'm not saying he couldn't eventually develop into a star like his father did at Notre Dame. He has the genes and the skills to be a really good college player. But could you imagine going to a school where everybody will be comparing your every step to what your father did? It's unnecessary pressure and I can see why this Montana decided to skip out on Notre Dame (his brother Nate is a walk-on at ND). Notre Dame fans need not worry about losing this Montana. Sure it would have been a great story but the coaches need to focus on getting at least one quarterback in this class since they didn't sign anybody last year.

The kid they need to sign is Ohio product Andrew Hendrix. And no, he isn't Jimi's son. Hendrix is 6'3 and built like a college quarterback. He has a ton of upside and has offers as impressive as Montana. Weis needs to get him to verbal sooner than later. Hendrix visited Notre Dame last week and almost verbally committed on the spot. A lot of the top recruits are waiting to see what Notre Dame brings to the table in 2009 before committing to a school with only 10 combined wins in the last two years. They should. But landing Hendrix would enhance their recruiting ten fold. They would start picking up receivers and Hendrix could actively recruit other guys much like the #1 prospect Chris Martin has been doing ever since he verballed.

DANNY DEVITO IS MY NEW HERO

It's 9 AM on a weekday in Philadelphia and the Penguin Danny Devito is slamming beers, making midget jokes, and trying to score some strange. I have a new found respect for the little guy. You can't blame him for trying. I can only imagine the stories that Devito has working in Hollywood for over 30 years. If he can become a movie "star" and score tons of ass then you...yes...you the reader...put that away, it's inappropriate, have no excuse not to get off your ass and become something. Devito was the Terminator's twin at one point! Dreams can come true. Now quit your 9-to-5 job and go make me proud!

HT: WWTDD

CRAIGSLIST

I've been thinking about putting some stuff on Craigslist lately. No, not selling my body or anything like that. I'm not that desperate...yet. I've been doing some brainstorming, thinking of clever ways to pitch my junk so it sounds like gold on Craigslist. As you probably know it's all about how you sell it or market it. But I think when all else fails and you don't feel like dealing with people you should put out a classified like this guy did in Richmond...(click on the image to enlarge it)...



I think you get the idea of what he is selling and how he wants to go about the transaction. No bullshitting, just fork over the money and take the cement blocks. With that being said I'm going to copy this guy's approach. Anybody know what I can fetch for Pete Carroll's dead hookers?

Craigslist HT: Joe

NL ALL STAR BALLOT

Yesterday I gave you my American League All-Star ballot. No complaints with my picks so far. Either nobody reads this blog or people actually agree. Any who here are my National League picks, feel free to blast away!

NATIONAL LEAGUE
Firstbasemen-Albert Pujols, St. Louis Cardinals-Adrian Gonzalez for the San Diego Padres and Prince Fielder of the Milwaukee Brewers are having terrific seasons but still, we are talking about Albert freaking Pujols. He is the best player in the game. MVPujols is top 5 in almost every significant batting stat in the majors. The guy is like fine wine. He's only getting better. Pujols was drafted in the 13th round(402nd overall) by the Cardinals in the 1999 draft. What a steal of a pick!

Secondbasemen-Chase Utley, Philadelphia Phillies-Uts is a machine. This season is perhaps his best right now as he has a career high on base percentage of .435 and again is leading the majors in hit by pitches with 11. The guy does it all and is a gritty player that every team would love to have. Utley was drafted in the 1st round(15th overall) by the Phillies in the 2000 draft out of UCLA. The Orioles had the 14th pick that year. They took Beau Hale. I would say the Phillies franchise won that pick.

Shortstop-Hanley Ramirez, Florida Marlins-If you had a pick to start at shortstop who would you take? I'm thinking 80% or more would pick Ramirez. Hanley is again having a terrific season and should only heat up more as the weather becomes unbearable in South Florida. Last season Ramirez had a 30/30 season at the age of 24 while winning the Silver Slugger award. This season he has become more of a team leader and is the franchise player in the Marlins organization. Ramirez was signed as an amateur free agent by the Red Sox as a 16 year old out of the Dominican Republic.

Thirdbasemen-Chipper Jones, Atlanta Braves-The future Hall of Famer deserves to be starting in the All Star game in St. Louis this year. Larry again leads the majors in on base percentage and has a good shot at repeating his batting title. It's almost a crime that he has only played in 6 All Star games in his 16 years of MLB ball. I hope the voters do the right thing and put Chipper in the starting lineup. David Wright is having a fine season for the New York Mets but he still isn't close to Chipper's league. Chipper was drafted in the 1st round(1st overall) by the Braves in the 1990 draft out of high school. The Braves organization wanted to draft Todd Van Poppel but backed away because of signing issues. Thank god.

Catcher-Brian McCann, Atlanta Braves-McCann has bounced back from some eye issues this season and posted All-Star numbers batting in the 4 and 5 hole for the Bravos. In just his 4th season the 3 time All-Star is again leading all NL catchers in on base percentage and slugging percentage. McCann was drafted in the 2nd round(64th overall) in the 2002 draft by the Braves out of high school.

Rightfield-Justin Upton, Arizona Diamondbacks-As a 21 year old Upton is just beginning to come into his own. A freak of an athlete, the younger Upton is top 10 in slugging percentage, on base percentage, total bases, triples, extra base hits and runs created. He also plays an excellent right field and has a cannon for an arm. Upton was the first pick overall in the 2005 Draft which could go down as one of the best drafts ever.

Centerfield-Carlos Beltran, New York Mets-The 4 time All-Star is having one of his best statistical seasons in 2009. He is top 5 in on base percentage (as you can see this is a very important stat to me) and batting average. He also plays gold glove defense in center. Beltran was a 2nd round draft (49th overall) pick by the Royals in the 1995 draft out of high school.

Leftfield-Ryan Braun, Milwaukee Brewers-The Hebrew Hammer is again on pace to hit at least 30 home runs while driving in over 100. He may not be excellent in the field but his OBP is above 40% this year and he is drawing a ton of walks. Braun was drafted in the 1st round (5th overall) in the 2005 draft by the Brewers out of Miami.

Starting pitcher-Dan Haren, Arizona Diamondbacks-Haren only has 4 wins but that isn't his fault. His stuff has been nasty again this season and his strikeout to walk ratio is nearly 8-to-1. In my opinion he is the Roy Halladay of the National League. Haren was drafted in the 2nd round(72nd overall) in the 2001 draft by the Cardinals out of Pepperdine University. For some bizarre reason Haren has already been traded twice in his young career.

TAYLOR MAYS AND THE USC SONG GIRLS

The #1 free safety in college football for 2009, USC Senior Taylor Mays, does a little interview(i.e. picks his next notch on his belt) with the USC Song Girls. You may have heard of them. Mays is a future top 10 pick in the NFL and many people wonder including myself why he would come back to USC when he was guaranteed a fat paycheck if he left after his junior campaign. Well, now I think we know why. Let's just say the Song Girls can be very persuasive. You can't find top notch talent like that in Green Bay.

I know some of you are wondering how I came upon this video being a Notre Dame supporter. Pete Carroll posted it on Facebook. Yes, I am one of the Poodle's "friends." Why you ask? Because to beat the enemy sometimes you have to sleep with the enemy. Oh and I am also looking forward to giving him some grief come October 17th after the Irish beat them.

MY AMERICAN LEAGUE ALL STAR BALLOT

With the MLB Draft just hours away, otherwise known as the Stephen Strasburg overkill draft, I decided to get my mind off of it a little bit by filling out my All-Star ballot. You can go to www.vote.mlb.com. No longer do you have to bother punching out little circles on a ballot and turning them in at the ballpark. The powers of technology. I'm pretty sure the internet was invented for this alone. Here is my ballot, broken down by position and also a recap of where the player was originally drafted.

AMERICAN LEAGUE
Firstbasemen-Justin Morneau, Minnesota Twins-This was one of the hardest picks for me. Morneau is currently having a great season, batting .329 with the most RBIs at first with 52. The former MVP wins a close race with Mark Teixeira, Miguel Cabrera, Kevin Youkilis, and Russell Branyan all having outstanding years. You could make a case for all of those guys deserving a shot to start but when it came down to picking the one who I would want to be up at bat with the game on the line it was Morneau. Morneau was drafted in the 3rd round(89th overall) by the Twins in the 1999 draft as a catcher.

Secondbasemen-Aaron Hill, Toronto Blue Jays-Hill has been outstanding for the Jays all season. Hitting .310 with 13 HRs and 41 RBIs, Hill has rebounded from an injury shortened 2008 season to establish himself as one of the best 2B in the game. His defense has been solid too. Hill is a big reason why the Blue Jays are still contending in the AL East despite the rest of the offense struggling. Hill was drafted in the 1st round(13th overall) by the Jays in the 2003 draft out of LSU.

Shortstop-Jason Bartlett, Tampa Bay Rays-Bartlett was one of the easiest vote on my ballot. He currently leads the majors in hitting at .373 and has played stellar defense as usual at a premium defensive position. One of the most underrated players in the game, Bartlett should at the very least be named a reserve because there is no way he will overtake Derek Jeter in voting. Bartlett was drafted in the 13th round(390th overall) by the Padres in the 2001 draft out of Oklahoma.

Thirdbasemen-Evan Longoria, Tampa Bay Rays-Evan Almighty is having a MVP season in just his 2nd year in the bigs. Hitting at a .316 clip while leading the majors in RBIs with 55, Longoria is one of the games top 10 players already. His defense is also great and he reminds me a lot of Chipper Jones in terms of his approach to each at-bat. He doesn't get cheated. It should be mentioned that Chone Figgins, Michael Young, and Brandon Inge are also having All-Star seasons and this wasn't a sure fire pick with Longoria. Longoria was drafted in the 1st round(3rd overall) by the Rays in the 2006 draft out of Long Beach State.

Catcher-Joe Mauer, Minnesota Twins-Mauer is just in a different league right now. By far the best catcher in the game, Mauer has been on a tear since he came off the disabled list. He is hitting .413 with 12 HR(13 is his career high) and the 2 time All-Star could garner his first MVP trophy if he continues his torrid start. Mauer was the 1st overall pick in the 2001 draft by the Twins out of high school.

Rightfield-Ichiro Suzuki, Seattle Mariners-Ichiro is just a phenomenal player. The guy does it all. I can only imagine how big of a star he would be if he played on the east coast. I have a serious man crush on Ichiro because the guy plays baseball the way it should be played. Hustler is a good way. Ichiro was not drafted. He was signed as a free agent by the Mariners in 2001 after playing in Japan where he was an established superstar.

Centerfield-Adam Jones, Baltimore Orioles-Bazooka Jones has come into his own in 2009 batting in the 2 hole for the Baltimore Orioles. Top 10 in the AL in a ton of offensive categories, Jones has shown a set of skills that will make him a superstar for years to come. Jones was a 1st round supplemental (37th overall) pick by the Mariners in the 2003 draft out of high school.

Leftfield-Carl Crawford, Tampa Bay Rays-The 4 time AL stolen base champ has rebounded from some injuries in 2008 to again lead the majors in stolen bases with 34. Crawford was drafted in the 2nd round (52nd overall) in the 1999 draft by the Rays out of high school.

Starting pitcher-Zack Greinke, Kansas City Royals-Zack Attack leads the majors in ERA at 1.55 and has a nearly 9-to-1 K to BB ratio. His last start wasn't Greinke like but other than that he has shut the door down on offenses. An argument could be made for Roy Halladay right here and honestly you couldn't go wrong with either. But Greinke gets my pick because overall he has been more dominating than Halladay. Greinke was drafted in the 1st round(6th overall) in the 2002 draft by the Royals out of high school.

LEROY SMITH GET YOUR BASKETBALL ON

Oh how I miss the Charlie Murphy skits on the Chappelle Show. This infomercial made my sides hurt. I'm buying it and you should too.

BUD LIGHT COMMERCIALS ARE GETTING A LITTLE RAUNCHY

Best Bud Light Commercial Yet - watch more funny videos

YOUR MONDAY MORNING WAKE UP SONG

FRENCH OPEN COURT TACKLE

While Roger Federer is on his way to his record tying 14th Grand Slam title and his first French Open conquest some crazy douche bag rushed on the court. He ran up to Federer and touched him, causing Federer to look very concerned. But since Federer is Swiss he remained completely neutral. The French security got off their asses and didn't retreat this time. Hell, the security guy who makes the open court tackle should be auditioning for a NFL job with the textbook form he displayed.


UPDATE

Federer wins in straight sets to complete his career Grand Slam. Federer is a class act and I'm happy to see him finally conquer a French title. He is now tied with Pete Sampras with 14 Grand Slams and if he can win the Wimbledon in 3 weeks over Rafael Nadal he might be considered the greatest tennis player of all-time. Of course Nadal fans have a good argument against that title but today is Federer day. Viva la Federer!

KOBE STOP LOOKING AT MY....

The way the Lakers played tonight I doubt this series goes beyond 5 games now. Kobe was sick.

CONAN O'BRIEN: IN THE YEAR 3000

RANDY JOHNSON ALL SMILES AFTER HISTORIC 300TH VICTORY

Seriously, what the fuck is Randy Johnson's problem? I could have sworn the announcers just said he won his 300th MLB game becoming just the 24th member in the exclusive club but the guy can't as much as fake a smile. He just looks like a miserable s.o.b. Even when his son hugs him he has the look of a guy who is about to jump off the top of a building. Even David Carradine has smiled more in the past 24 hours and he is fucking dead dude. So get rid of the frown Big Unit. You will be going into the Hall of Fame. You have made over $167 million in your career. You got a World Series ring.

But yeah, with this mug life must really suck.

NBA FINALS PREDICTION

In 7 games the Lakers will beat the Orlando Magic. Kobe Bryant will be the MVP and get his 4th ring. I could bullshit you and tell you that the Lakers front court with Paul Gasol and Andrew Bynum will be able to hang with Dwight Superman Howard but I really have no idea what I am talking about. I don't usually watch the NBA regular season unless I am attending an Atlanta Hawks game at Philips. But the NBA playoffs this year has been really exciting to watch and I haven't been this into it since Jordan was playing. I hope the Magic win but I think the Lakers have the better team. It should be a great series.

SAMMY SOSA SPEAKS ENGLISH? NOPE, JUST BULLSHIT

''I will calmly wait for my induction to the Baseball Hall of Fame,'' the former Cubs slugger told the Web site after speaking at a government-sponsored event in the Dominican Republic. ''Don't I have the numbers to be inducted?''

This is what Sammy Sosa told ESPNDEPORTES, otherwise known as the Ocho, in announcing his retirement from the game of baseball because A)nobody wants him, B)they drug test now, and C)he can't understand english when asked about steroids.

Oh Sammy, you ignorant slut. Yes, his numbers would warrant a Hall of Fame selection if he played in any other era. But the guy was a juicer who's career was built on the ability to cheat. The corked bats and the steroids made him put up Hall of Fame numbers. Just looking at his numbers makes me sick to my stomach. He is the only guy to ever hit 60 plus home runs in a season 3 times. He is 6th on the all-time list of career home runs and 2nd all-time in whiffs. He either hit is very far or not at all. He was juicing like there was no tomorrow. He got a shitload of money because of the roids. Over $124 million to be exact.

But he is no Hall of Famer in my book. He maybe in his eyes but who gives a shit, he can't understand what I'm writing. He no speaka English thus no speaka Hall of Fameo.

BRAVES MAKE BOLD BUT NECESSARY MOVES

Yesterday was a great day if you are an Atlanta Braves fan. GM Frank Wren earned his paycheck while making some moves that should set up the Braves as a serious contender for a Wild Card run at the very least. The Braves offense has been struggling all season due mainly to a horrible outfield in terms of offensive production. Outfielder's Jordan Schafer, Jeff Francoeur and Garrett Anderson have been miserable in terms of contributions to the offense minus a couple of highlights this season. Wren saw the glaring weakness and made a great trade yesterday getting Pittsburgh All-Star Nate McLouth.

The best part of the trade was the Braves gave up relatively little to get a guy in McLouth who is wrapped up contract wise through 2011. The Braves traded minor league starters Charlie Morton(complete garbage in my humble opinion) and Jeff Locke(was getting hit hard in A ball) and promising young centerfielder Gorkys Hernandez(who has yet to hit a single HR in 212 AB's in AA). Essentially the Braves gave away minor league scrap metal to the Pittsburgh Pirates for their only All-Star. Hell yeah! If you ever wonder why the Pittsburgh Pirates organization has been shit for so long take a look at this trade along with their deals last season when they let Jason Bay and Xavier Nady go. McLouth will start in center for the recently demoted Schafer tonight against the Cubs and should get a warm welcome in Atlanta. McLouth is a solid defender (Gold Glover last season) who can steal bases with a MLB leading 92.8% successful stolen base percentage since the start of the 2005 season. And he also hit 26 home runs last year which is more than the whole Braves outfield combined last season. Great move by Wren and the Braves. Puzzling move by the Pirates letting go of a 27 year old foundation type player in McLouth.

The other great move by Wren yesterday was to give Tom Glavine his release and usher in the Tommy Hanson era. Braves fans love Glavine because he was instrumental in their only World Series title in 1995 pitching the game of his life against the Cleveland Indians. He was a crafty lefty who won multiple Cy Youngs and over 300 victories. He is a sure-fire first ballot Hall of Famer. But Glavine's time as a MLB starter is done. The 43 year old is way past his prime and was simply atrocious last season in the rotation. Remember the Braves paid him handsomely last season to get 2 victories on his belt while sporting an ERA north of 5.50. Roughly they paid him $4 million per victory. Glavine's career is done and don't feel sorry for him or feel like the Braves organization screwed him in anyway. Nobody was knocking on Glavine's door this offseason trying to sign him. The Braves did him a favor by giving him the chance to come back to Atlanta last year and finish out his career for the team he started. Remember Glavine was one of the union leaders during the strike and left the Braves in 2003 for the hated Mets for a contract that panned out to be one year more than the Braves were offering for similar money. He showed no loyalty to the Braves organization then so why should any Braves fan feel sorry for him now. He is washed up and a huge part of me hopes the New York Mets or Philadelphia Phillies sign him. Both teams need pitching. This would be the collective reaction of Braves fans if this indeed happened...

But anyways that is all water under the bridge. The thing that gets me really excited is to see the #1 pitching prospect in all of baseball in Tommy Hanson make his debut Saturday. Hanson is going to remind Braves fans a lot of John Smoltz. The 6'6 righty has been amazing the past two seasons in minor league ball and the Arizona Fall League. In AAA Gwinnett this season he has struck out 90 batters in only 66 innings while holding batters to a .169 BA. Chipper Jones stated he had the most impressive stuff of all the Braves pitchers in spring training. Hanson will join a staff that includes Derek Lowe, Jair Jurrjens, Javier Vasquez and Kenshin Kawakami. In other words the best pitching staff in the National League. Hanson was clocked up to 99 MPH in spring training and has an incredible curve ball and a very good changeup. He has future ace written all over him and should be the foundation for the Braves rotation for the next decade.

The Braves right now sit at 26 wins and 26 losses. They are in third place, 5.5 games out behind the Mets and Phillies in the NL East. With their arms they have the ability to go the distance. They just need the hitting. Hopefully Frank Wren is still looking for bats because the Braves are still incredibly weak at the power hitting positions(RF, LF, 1B) besides thirdbase with Chipper. And even thirdbase is a question mark with Chipper's health. Players like Luke Scott, Aubrey Huff, Matt Holliday, Lance Berkman, and others could be had if the Braves put together the right package. I would love to see them add Scott because he is a cheap player (2.4 million) who is still under team control for at least the next two seasons. He would add some serious pop to left field and is a great clubhouse guy. I would think the Braves would have to give up prospect 1b Freddie Freeman to get him which would be a great trade for both sides.

The future is now for the Atlanta Braves. Thank God.

LADY GAGA IS EVERYWHERE, BAFFLING

I can not go 4 hours in the day without hearing this chick sing her Poker Face song. Seriously, every time I go to LA Fitness or turn on my Sirius radio I hear that fucking song. I will admit it has a good beat but once she starts the "Po...Po...Po...Po...kkkkkeeerrrr face" I start to get really angry. I'm talking violent angry. I start flinging 5 pound dumb bells around like there is no tomorrow. I mean you would think with this song being so popular she would at least be hot. That would be a negative. Anyways I will let you the blog readers judge her for yourself. I got a Facebook message from a buddy of mine who is backpacking through Europe and he says people across the big pond are going nuts for Lady Gaga. I guess I just don't get it. She looks like Barbara Streisand's daughter.

YUNEL ESCOBAR IS A BITCH

As you probably know I'm not a big fan of Atlanta Braves shortstop Yunel Escobar. I hate his lazy play and the way he carries himself on the baseball field. He seems like a guy who is completely full of himself in the Barry Bonds way. He basically thinks he has the talent of Alex Rodriguez but he isn't even close. Escobar is a good player no doubt but he could be so much better if he played the game the right way. In other words hustle and be a good teammate.

Last night I attended the Braves-Cubs game with my wife and we had our typical lower level tickets behind the visitor's dugout on the third base side of Turner Field. Escobar comes to the plate in the 4th inning. Cubs pitcher Randy Wells throws him the high hard one and Escobar goes down. It looks like he has been beaned in the head. Escobar lays on the ground in an apparent daze. The crowd is concerned. The Braves bench is concerned. Hell, I'm concerned. I never want to see a player get beaned in the head. But guess what? He never got hit! The pitch hit Escobar's bat. It should have been a foul ball but Escobar, the bitch he is, acts like he is in pain from being hit by a pitch. This is the kind of shit that turns me off from soccer, Duke basketball, and now the NBA sometimes. This blatant faking doesn't belong in baseball. I had no idea Escobar didn't get hit until I got texts from two friends telling me he faked it.

I hate shit like this. It makes the Braves look bad. And if you think this is an isolated incident with Escobar and I'm going overboard in my criticism of him well then look at what he did against the Phillies on May 9th of this year. Yes, he did the same exact thing. If I am Cubs manager Lou Piniella I make sure that Escobar gets his medicine tonight. If I am Bobby Cox I make sure Escobar gets reprimanded for his acting. There is no room for this bullshit in the game. Ted Lilly should bean his frosted hair tip ass tonight in the first inning. They already have a history of Escobar taking exception of Lilly pitching inside to him.

So be on the lookout tonight for the Braves and Cubs to get in an all-out brawl. People will be hit. Feelings will be hurt. And Escobar will still be the whiny little bitch. He plays it so well.

SPORTSCRACK T-SHIRT TRIVIA QUESTION

You know the rules, the first person to answer this question correctly via email to matt@sportscrack.com gets a free Sportscrack shirt of your choice.

Today we are going to dive into a college football question. Less than a 100 days remain till kickoff, but seriously who is counting? Oh, that's right, everybody!

Anyways, here is the question: Phil Steele just released his 2009 College Football Preview, who can tell me who his #1 most improved team is and his #1 biggest surprise team for 2009?

Remember to send it to matt@sportscrack.com with your answers, your address, and what shirt and size you want.

Good luck!

THE WINNER IS BRENDON MCGIRR OF YORK, PA. BRENDON GOT THE CORRECT ANSWERS OF ILLINOIS AND PENN STATE TO OUR EMAIL THE FASTEST AND HAS PICKED THE NICK THE STICK SHIRT. CONGRATS BRENDON!

THINGS I THINK I KNOW...SORT OF

-Going into the 2009 College Football season there is little doubt that the Florida Gators are the best team on paper. They are the returning BCS Title Game winner and have the best player in college football in Tim Tebow. This isn't up for debate either. Tebow is the best player in college football. I don't want to hear from any Georgia fan or Sam Bradford apologist. Tebow is the best...accept it. Now if you want to make fun of Tebow go right ahead but you will have to look out for his 4 year old girlfriend. Don't you worry, she is saving her virginity for him. Her daddy wouldn't have it any other way.

You know you are big time when Erin Andrews comes up to you and offers you anything...and I mean anything...just ask Percy Harvin...for one night with you.

-This talk about Notre Dame playing Army in the new Yankees Stadium is beyond dumb. As a Notre Dame fan I have no desire at all to see the Fighting Irish play Army. One service academy on the schedule is enough. And don't give me this BS about it being a rivalry game with Army because it's not. It's all about the money. If they are going to play a game in the Northeast why not play it at an actual football stadium. I respect the tradition of Yankees baseball and believe that baseball should be the only game played in the new Yankees Stadium. Plus if you play a football game there the most you can get in the stadium is 45,000 and with seats starting at $2500 for a baseball game I can only imagine how much tickets will cost for a Notre Dame football game in the Bronx. It's beyond stupid to play Army there. Army isn't even a real opponent. Schedule someone like Penn State or even play Michigan there but do it in East Rutherford so people can actually afford to attend the game. Playing a game against Army in Yankees Stadium does nothing for the Notre Dame football program. If anything it makes them a laughingstock among college football pundits. Plus a game in New York City does little for their recruiting. If they want to get big time recruits they need to schedule neutral site games in cities like Tampa, Atlanta, Charlotte, Dallas and New Orleans. Those cities have big time venues in super rich recruiting areas. And these neutral site games need to be against quality opponents. No Army or Baylor or Washington State. Schedule a team like Miami or Georgia or even Texas on a neutral field. That will get me pumped up and it will get people to notice your program legitimately.

The last time Notre Dame vs. Army meant something was before the color television had been invented, no need to go back to black and white now.

-The 100 pitch count in baseball needs to go away. I know MLB teams are scared they are going to lose their high paid ace to injury if he throws over 100 pitches in a start but is there really any science to prove that 100 pitches is when arms start to fall off? Last night I was watching the Orioles-Mariners game (one of 5 people actually watching it live) and Orioles starter Rich Hill had a 2 hitter going while retiring 15 straight batters. He wasn't just retiring batters, he was making them look silly with his curveball. Instead of letting him pitch the 8th the Orioles manager Dave Trembley pulled him after he reached 100 pitches. Maybe Hill insisted coming out but I doubt it. When you are pitching that good you never want to come out especially in a 1-0 game. Baseball minds are getting too wrapped up around the idea of 100 pitch max for a starter. Nolan Ryan used to throw over 140 pitches regularly. His arm never fell off. These kids never throw more than 100 pitches or 7 innings in the minors and then when they are called up they don't have the strength to throw complete games. I don't see Roy Halladay or C.C. Sabathia complaining about throwing too many pitches. At least Nolan Ryan has taken notice and made the Rangers organization from top to bottom get rid of the 100 pitch count. And this isn't even up for discussion with Ryan. Ask Robin Ventura what happens when you disagree with Ryan...

YOUR MONDAY MORNING WAKE UP SONG

CHARLES BARKLEY CALLS HIS PRODUCER A PUSSY

Gotta love Barkley. He never holds back.

Video HT: Barstool Sports

BRUNO LANDS ON EMINEM AT MTV MOVIE AWARDS

This was all staged but it still is hilarious. I can't wait for Bruno to come out. Just the fact that he put his balls in front of Enimem is reason enough to give it a shot.