New Spring College Football Preseason Top 25

With most universities having their spring football games completed last week and this week I felt it was time to put out a 2015 Preseason Top 25.  This of course could change drastically with injuries, transfers, coaching changes, suspensions, and incoming freshmen making an impact.  Shit last season we all threw Ohio State in the recycling bin when QB Braxton Miller went down with an injury and they won the whole fucking thing.  So take this top 25 Preseason College Football with a tiny grain of salt...

1. Ohio State 
2. TCU
3. Alabama
4. Oregon
5. Baylor
6. Michigan State
7. Clemson
8. Florida State
9. Notre Dame
10. Georgia Tech
11. Oklahoma
12. Stanford
13. Auburn
14. Arizona
15. LSU
16. Georgia
17. Arizona State
18. Missouri
19. Mississippi
20. Boise State
21. UCLA
22. USC
23. Wisconsin
24. Kansas State
25. Arkansas

Some thoughts: With returning QBs and a lot of depth on both lines of the ball Ohio State and TCU are clearly the top 2 teams in the nation.  They are almost interchangeable but I put the Buckeyes first because of Urban Meyer and because they are the returning champs.  Of course TCU could have won the playoffs last year if the committee got them in but that is another argument.  Honestly the only reason why I have Bama and Oregon so high is because of their recent success.  I think both programs could be due for big let down seasons.  It kills me to put Michigan State so high but other than Ohio State I don't see anybody on their schedule beating them and QB Connor Cook should have a Heisman worthy season.  I got 4 straight ACC teams finishing out the top 10 in Clemson, FSU, Notre Dame and Georgia Tech.  ND returns the most starters while Clemson and FSU return the most talent.  Tech has Justin Thomas back and run an offense that is very hard to game plan against.  I'm not sold on either USC, Georgia, or UCLA as top 10 preseason teams as most prognosticators are.  UGA and UCLA have unproven commodities behind center and USC has Steve Sarkisian as their coach.  Stanford is due to bounce back in a big way.  I could see them winning the PAC 12 and I might regret having them ranked outside of the top 10.  One could also make a case that Arkansas, yes the Razorbacks, might be the best team in the SEC West this year and I got them barely in the top 25.

Tiger Woods Is Full Of Shit, Says a Hand Bone Popped Out but He Fixed It

Come on Eldrick.  We aren't your ex-wife.  You honestly think we are going to believe a bone popped out of your hand and you just "put it back in it's place?"  You must think we work at the local Huddle House.

Tiger shot a 73 yesterday.  He finished The Masters at -5 which is a hell of a lot better than I thought he would going into Augusta.  He did have some incredible vintage Tiger shots that gave you a glimmer of hope he could pull something off.  But he was awful off the tees all weekend.  I think he only hit about 15% of his fairways.

Of course Jordan Spieth stole the show tying a Masters record (and Tiger one of course) finishing at -18 and was the first golfer since Raymond Floyd in 1976 to lead all four rounds.  Spieth is only 21 years old and last year finished 2nd in his first ever appearance in Augusta.  The kid is legit and him and Rory McIlroy could build a classic rivalry for the next 20 plus years.

In other words Tiger may bring in more viewers but the game of golf is in great hands with some young superstars.

Jaylon Smith: Be Afraid Texas, Be Very Afraid

Come September 5th the Texas Longhorns are going to wish they never scheduled a home-and-home series vs Notre Dame.  Junior linebacker Jaylon Smith has been cross training at multiple linebacker spots and has been a raving tackling lunatic during the spring.  The returning All-American linebacker will surely win the Butkus, Bednarik, and whatever other defensive award you can name in 2015 because it's his season to shine.  If you thought Manti Te'o and his imaginary girlfriend was a special story in 2012 just wait for this fall when the Predator comes a knocking.

I want to say I feel bad for Charlie Strong and the whole state of Texas but they know what they are entering at Notre Dame Stadium.  A world of hurt, blood, tears and dreams crushed.  Bevo, it's what's for dinner.

True Detective Has a New Trailer

Listen nothing will beat Woody and Wooderson in the first season of True Detective but this new tease or trailer or what ever the fuck you want to call it looks down right ball tingly.  An all star cast of Rachel McAdams, Vince Vaughn, Colin Farrell, and Taylor Kitsch aka Tim Riggins should belt out some memorable scenes with the premiere on HBO slated for June 21st.  I cancelled my HBO subscription after the first season concluded but now it's time to fire up a free 3 months promo come June just so I can wet my tv viewing whistle.

This Should Be A New Reality Show: Drunk Girl Avoiding Highway Traffic

Good lord lady.  Can you be any more drunk?  You gotta love the dudes who are actually risking their lives on the highway for this black out drunk girl with the hopes of somehow bringing her home and getting her another Bill Cosby special.  The video starts off with her taking a mean piss right in the middle of the highway, pulling up her pants, and then playing chicken while stumbling in her high heels across San Diego traffic at 1:45 am.  If this was some dude or fat chick she would be splattered all over the highway like a Walking Dead zombie.  Instead she got a DUI and will probably have a new reality show.  God bless America and hot drunk chicks.

With The Masters Upon Us Now is a Good Time To Root For Rickie Fowler and His Girlfriend Alexis Randock

A photo posted by Alexis Randock (@alexis.randock) on Apr 8, 2015 at 5:47pm PDT

Rickie Fowler may wear goofy ass Puma hats and clothing but the dude is a straight up pimp when it comes to his golf game and his 19th hole ladies game.  Right now the soon to be Masters Champion (fingers and assholes crossed) is dating swimsuit model Alexis Randock which rhymes with you know what and oh my God Fowler is a lucky bastard.  Fowler is yet to win a major but who gives a shit.  He's hitting it in the right hole every single night.  Enough with my crude sexual golf innuendo talk.  Let's take a fair look at Alexis Handonmycock...

And least shocking news ever she went to Arizona State.  I swear they breed an endless supply of swimsuit models, porn stars and shitty football players....

GRONK SMASH SHIRTS AND HOODIES NOW AVAILABLE

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Work hard, play hard, party hard.  These Gronk Smash t-shirts and hoodies are perfect for any game day, tailgate, or party to show your support for your favorite Patriot.

ATLANTA ALL IN SHIRTS

The Hawks are the best team in the NBA after a convincing win Friday vs the Golden State Warriors.  Now show the world you are #ALL IN with this classic shirt from SportsCrack Tees.

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2015 NFL Bad Lip Reading Video is again Hilarious

I could watch this shit all day.  These videos consistently make me laugh hard enough where my sides hurt (or that could be my liver screaming for a new one).

Rex Ryan was asked today by Buffalo Bills Press "How Much Are You Salivating to Get Your Hands on that D?"

Talk about an awkward way to start your coaching stint in Buffalo.  How do you even answer this question with a straight face?  Fuck I'm 35 years old and I would be giggling like a little school girl if someone asked me anything remotely close to this.  I guess that is why Rex Ryan makes the big bucks and I'm just a lonely t-shirt peddler.

HT: BarStool Sports

New Michigan Jim Harbaugh Shirt: Home is Where The Harbaugh Is

Michigan finally got their man.  Now you can show your support for Harbaugh with this original "Home is Where The Harbaugh Is" shirt from SportsCrack.com

Taking pre orders now.  Shipping starts early next week on these limited edition shirts.

Adolf Hitler Wants Mark Richt Fired

There is no reason to even argue with the Fuhrer.  Mark Richt has to go.  You let a team full of Nerds run all over you.  You let Mizzou win your division...again.  You have year after year Top 10 recruiting classes and yet you struggle to stay in the top 25.  Fire Mark Richt.

HT Doug

UGA Releases "We Are One" Hype Video for Auburn Game

If you love college football these are the type of videos that give you goosebumps.  These are the type of videos that make Saturdays in the fall so special.  These are the type of hype videos that will make you run that extra mile when you had nothing left in the tank.  After Georgia players watch this video I have little doubt they are going to lay a whole lot of hurt on Auburn tomorrow between the hedges.

Prediction: UGA 99  Auburn 2

Catholics vs Condoms Shirts Now For Sale

Get ready for the big game in three weeks in South Central with this classic Catholics vs Condoms t-shirt.  This exclusive design is bound to get plenty of laughs from your Trojan friends and/or enemies.

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LSUFreek on Ole Miss Fairy Tale Season Coming to an End

It was so promising at one point.  Good Bo Wallace was leading the underdog Rebels to outstanding wins vs the likes of Bama and then all of a sudden Bad Bo Wallace decided to show up.  He threw the fateful pick vs LSU when they had a chance to tie it and then star wideout Laquon Treadwell aka "Money Bags" broke his leg and fumbled at the goal line while going in for what could have been the winning score vs Auburn last week.  Ole Miss dream season comes to crashing halt.  But all is not lost Rebels fans.  You can still beat the mighty Presbetyrians this week and end your arch rivals Bulldogs dream of Playoff hopes in the Egg Bowl in a few weeks.  So keep your head up.

You better Bo-lieve too!

Geico Has a New Brady Hoke Commercial

Now that is just mean.

Everyone knows Brady Hoke is more plump than that.

BO-lieve Shirt

This BO-lieve shirt is for all the Rebels out there.

Limited edition so order it quickly before they sell out.

BO-LIEVE SHIRT ORDER HERE

Jimbo Fisher Gets Heated With Media Because He Blindly Supports Jameis Winston

What did Jimbo Fisher expect when he is the only one supporting a guy in Jameis Winston who has been accused of rape, theft, yelling vulgar sexual references in front of women, and getting paid for autographs in less than 10 months?  Oh and to top it all off he got a referee in his back pocket to make a bull shit call on the final play of the game.  You dug your own grave with this Jimbo.  You can't bathe with dog shit and not expect to come out looking and smelling like dog shit.

Let's all be perfectly honest here because we know Jimbo can't be.  If Jameis Winston played any other position besides starting QB he would have been kicked out of FSU a long time ago.  The #1 concern for Jimbo and the FSU administration is winning football games.  It's why they have been the ultimate success on the field.  But off the field this FSU program is a disgrace to college football and society.  They have thrown out integrity so their star player can get away with just about anything, including sexual assault.  So Jimbo don't get pissy with the media when they want to hold people accountable for their actions while you turn a blind eye.

Go cash your 7 figure check and answer the fucking questions or you can do the right thing and take off the blinders and get a fucking clue like Mark Richt has done at Georgia.  It's not always just about winning.  It's about integrity and winning the right way while "educating" your players to do the right thing on and off the field.  Clearly you can't see it.

Kiffin's Krimson Korner is Spot On Hilarious

Tosh.0
Get More: Comedy Central

The "Air Julio" Shirt is Here

You have seen this high flying receiver dominate the League by making acrobatic catches from Matty Ice for the past three seasons and now it's time you show some support for "Air Julio."  This exclusive Air Julio Shirt has a vintage look and feel to it.

Be sure to order your "Air Julio" shirt and show off your ATL Pride with this DirtyBird creation.

The "Flyin' Hawaiian" Duck In Command Shirt

This just came in stock this week!  It's called the Flyin' Hawaiian Duck In Command Shirt.  This Duck is a HEI8MAN front runner and has been nearly unstoppable during his college career.  Show your support for the Flyin' Hawaiian with this classic vintage shirt from SportsCrack.com.

Click Here to buy the Flyin' Hawaiian Shirt.

20 Years Ago Today: The Miracle At Michigan

20 years ago today the hearts of Michigan faithful in the Big House were stomped in stunning fashion as Colorado's Kordell Stewart completed the improbably Hail Mary to Michael Westbrook as time expired.  I remember watching this game vividly.  I was 15 at the time and as a Notre Dame fan I always rooted for Michigan to lose no matter what.  When the Colorado Buffaloes traveled to Ann Arbor I thought they would win the game rather easily.  This was back when Colorado football was good and Kordell Stewart was a legit Heisman Trophy candidate.  They needed the miracle play and for them good fortune was there with the tip.  Still brings chills to my spine listening to legendary commentator Keith Jackson do the play by play.  "Only despair for the Maize and Blue!"

This Gatorade Derek Jeter Commercial is Perfect

As you know I'm not the biggest Yankees fan in the world.  In fact I pretty much loathe them being I grew up an Orioles fan and then became a die hard Braves fan when we moved to Georgia.  But I've always respected Derek Jeter and the way he plays the game.  His hustle and his attitude and obviously his talent have never been seen in the pinstripes at the shortstop position.  Like Cal Ripken Jr. you knew you were watching a great player who has respect throughout the entire game.  No one hates Jeter. No one.  Except maybe that one supermodel he gave love bumps but that is neither here nor there.  This commercial, as much as it pains me to say, gave me goose bumps.  Not love bumps. Goose bumps.  Good knowing you Captain.

Jameis Winston Holds A Press Conference To Talk About His Suspension for Screaming "F*#K Her Right in the P&ssy"

Jameis Winston has a shiny new National Title ring and a Heisman Trophy but apparently he has never gotten what most of us have: common sense.  Yesterday Winston got on top of a cafeteria table in front of hundreds of his fellow students at FSU and shouted multiple times "FUCK HER RIGHT IN THE PUSSY!"  Pretty hilarious coming from a guy who was accused of rape less than a year ago and got caught stealing crabs in Publix.  Remarkably he has never missed any football game action from the first two offenses but head coach Jimbo Fisher had enough today and suspended his immature star QB for the first half against Clemson this Saturday.

And unfortunately for FSU fans Winston decided to have a press conference to talk about his suspension.  You can go to Seminoles.com and listen to it.  I must warn you though it is hard to decipher what exactly Jameis is saying.  Here is how I felt after listening to Jameis rambling press conference:



Mr. Winston what you just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things i have ever heard.
At no point in your rambling incoherent response were you even close to anything that could
be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. 

Giancarlo Stanton's Face Looks Good To Go

Yeah I guess a fastball to the face does tend to leave a mark.

I think it looks great personally.  I can't really see anything.  Ship shape!

HeismanPundit Has Everett Golson in his Top 5 Heisman Trophy Watch List

Week 3 of the HeismanPundit.com Heisman Watch has a familiar face entering at #4...

4. Everett Golson, SO, QB, Notre Dame

Golson continues to play at a high level as Notre Dame moved to 3-0 after beating Purdue, 30-14. He threw for 259 yards and two touchdowns and added 56 yards and a touchdown on the ground. He’s off to a great start, but circle October 4 (Stanford) and October 18 (Florida State) on the calendar. Those dates will be Golson’s Heisman proving ground.

Season Stats: 62 of 92, 780 yards, 64.6%, 7 TDs, 0 INTs, 156.8 rating, 83 rush yards, 4 TDs.

Season Pace: 3,120 passing yards, 28 TDs, 332 rushing yards, 16 TDs.

No argument here.  3 weeks into the season and Golson has gone from Heisman outsider to one of the favorites just behind Marcus Mariota, Todd Gurley, and Nick Marshall.  If and it's a big IF Notre Dame goes undefeated during the regular season and Golson puts up anything close to those season pace stats of 44 TDs it doesn't matter what those other 3 guys do in front of him.  Golson will win the Heisman because it's a national program and voters are more inclined to vote for someone out of their region but then you got Gurley and Marshall splitting the vote in the Southeast, Mariota winning the Northwest but then you got the whole rest of the country voters leaning toward Golson.

Of course we still get 9 games to go and anything can happen.  This is college football after all.

Bovada SportsBook has Golson at 10/1 odds which is also 4th among betting favorites behind Mariota, Gurley, and Texas A&M's Kenny Hill.

LSU Looks Like a Fun Place to Drunk Make Out and Watch Brawls

Young drunk love is the best.  There's nothing better than just totally making out with some girl at a football game.  And to top it all off while sucking face hammered you stumble onto some fellow LSU coeds who for some bizarre reason are sitting there trying to watch a football game.  Losers!  It's make out time.

But that's not the only shits and giggles that goes on during LSU football games.  Before kickoff you can tailgate with your favorite douche frat boy.  Just don't dare wear anything other than a white dress up shirt or you could get pummeled.  How dare you wear purple to a LSU football game!



I love the look on that guy's face.  He is just like damn, white people be crazy.

Brand New "Hey Michigan Who's Chicken Now?" Rivalry Score 2014 Shirts

The two winningest college football programs in history met for the final time this past Saturday.  

Michigan head coach Brady Hoke called Notre Dame "chicken" for not extending the rivalry past 2014.  Notre Dame responded by laying an absolute ass whooping to scUM 37*-0 (It was 37 points because we all know that last Devin Gardner INT returned for a TD should have counted) during a rowdy South Bend fall night.  

The series may be over but now you can get the last laugh with this classic t-shirt that comes in both IRISH GREEN and NAVY.

Order Here!

HEI5THEMAN Shirt

After last night's electrifying prime time performance vs the Skunk Bears I figured this guy needed some help on his campain.  So let's get the ball rolling here with the new HE I5 THE MAN SHIRTS.

These soft navy Hanes tagless blend cotton poly shirts are instant classics and are bound to get people talking about #5 for the blue and gold.  Let's get ESPN talking about our QB Irish Nation!

Click Here to Buy!

Kenny Trill Shirts Now Available For Sale

Get the one and only Kenny Trill Shirt by pre ordering here!

You saw him destroy the Cocks while writing his name in the record books during his first start in the nation's toughest conference in the SEC.  Now you can order the official Kenny Trill shirt!

A portion of all sales will go to the American Cancer Society.

Auburn QB Nick Marshall Post Game Interviews Are Always Clear and Precise

I think it goes without saying but Auburn QB Nick Marshall is clearly a Communications Major.  Could you even imagine being the sideline reporter and your job at the end was to dialect one Nick Marshall?  We are going to need some help with this guy.  Can anybody help?  Here we go...



I play da football with da coach and something something peanut butter bread...



If the SEC ever does a "home of the student-athlete" ad it must include one Nick Marshall.  He's got Rhodes Scholar written all over his confused face.

Lingerie Football Is Now Officially More Entertaining Than The NFL

See this is what happens when you start letting women out of the kitchen.  They start to do crazy things like vote, drive, get upper management jobs and now they are coming for you NFL.  The No Fun League better watch their ass because the Lingerie League has some bad women ready to fight to the death.  I would like to see Ray Rice lay his hands on one of these girls.  Actually Roger Goodell would probably reduce his suspension if that happened.

USC Cornerback Josh Shaw Is A Hero, Oh Wait, No He's Not

Remember the old catchphrase "You Can't Spell Trojans without O.J" well it looks like captain Josh Shaw is taking one out of the old Simpson playbook and is caught in a lie about saving a family member.  On Sunday night news broke that returning senior Shaw was hurt because he had to jump off a balcony to save his 7-year-old nephew from drowning.  In the process of spraining both ankles news outlets across the nation including USC's own athletic department were quick to point out that Shaw was a hero for his deed and even had quotes from Shaw saying he would have done it for anybody.  Well the problem now is the story is not true and now it's being reported Shaw is a suspect in a burglary in which he allegedly got hurt.  USC doing USC things.  I feel bad for new head coach Steve Sarkisian.  No wait.  I actually do not.  Good luck with this cloud hanging over the program.

Michigan State's New Football Facilities Look Incredible

Just a year after coming off their best season in 40 plus years Michigan State revealed to the public their new football facilities which will hopefully keep them near the top in the Big Ten.

 The new locker room looks cozy...

Via Detroit Free Press...

Today was MSU’s turn to show off a sparkling athletics facility, a $24.5 million, 50,000-square-foot renovation to the north end zone of Spartan Stadium anchored by a plush, spacious home locker room. The 15-month project was under way long before the Spartans won last season’s Rose Bowl, though that on-field success likely served to encourage donors.

It may not put MSU out front of that portion of the never-ending college sports “arms race,” but it eliminates the last glaring weak spot in MSU’s facilities roster — a decades-old locker room that was “an embarrassment,” MSU deputy athletic director Greg Ianni said.

Now if only we can find the secret trap door for Mark Dantonio's hidden stash of hookers for the incoming recruits.  My guess is the National Championship Trophy sets off the hidden door.  The good thing is none of the current Spartans will enjoy touching it.

Notre Dame and Under Armour Reveal the New 2014 Shamrock Series Jersey and Helmet

The official Under Armour jersey for the Notre Dame Shamrock Series has been revealed and it should appeal to the masses.  It's specifically based upon the Golden Dome that sits in the middle of campus is the iconic symbol of Notre Dame.  They look sharp and it's a good thing they are playing Purdue in the game and not Navy because we would have a ton of confused spectators including myself.

I love the helmet!  I've always wanted to see the interlocking ND on the gold helmets.  The texture of the Golden Dome incorporated in the helmet is a good touch.

What do you think about the new jerseys and helmet?

If you are interested in buying one of the 2014 Shamrock Series authentic on the field helmets or mini 2014 Shamrock Series helmets please contact me at matt@sportscrack.com for more information.

Johnny Manziel Gives the Redskins Bench The Old One Finger Salute

Real mature Johnny Football.  Real mature.

Honestly I don't know what to make of Manziel giving the Washington Redskins sideline the middle finger last night during Monday Night Football.  I mean did he honestly think the cameras wouldn't see it?  He can't be that stupid can he?  Which leads me to believe this was a premeditated finger.  He played like dog shit last night when he had the chance to lock down the starter's job because Brian Hoyer was fucking horrific too and he let the Redskins get to him.  Rookie move bro.  Gotta be smarter.  The only place your digit should be going to is road beef and under your center's ass.  Not to the whole world to see on Monday Night Football.  This is completely out of character for Manziel too.  If anything from the last two years we have learned Manziel is a very humble, down to earth hard worker who just wants his privacy while listening to his head coach on how to become a better leader.

Jordan Carver Has a New Treadmill Workout Video

I didn't understand a damn word she said but like I said before she isn't paid to be heard from.  Jordan Carver has God given natural ability and talent and it's our duty to watch and pay attention to this athletic goddess work out.  Let me ask you would you rather see Jordan do lunges or talk about Lebron James doing the ALS ice bucket challenge?

Yeah that's what I thought.

Keep doing you Jordan.

C'Mon Man: Cris Carter Whiffs on his ALS Ice Bucket Challenge

But hey he totally got Chris Berman right in the kisser.

This FSU Girl Wants To Rape Jameis Winston

God bless FSU for cheering me up on this shitty Friday.  While the proverbial shit is hitting the fan up in South Bend in which 4 Notre Dame players are getting suspended for banging a student advisor in exchange for doing their homework we have the always clean cut Semenholes showing their class.  Love it.  Do you FSU.  Do you.

Awesome "dicksclaimer" by the way.  I might have to start putting those on my shirts.

In Least Surprising News Notre Dame Head Coach Brian Kelly Names Everett Golson the Starting Quarterback

Via Irish Illustrated's Pete Sampson...

  Brian Kelly announced on Wednesday afternoon that Everett Golson will start for Notre Dame against Rice. 

 The head coach told the staff on Tuesday night and informed Golson and Malik Zaire on Wednesday morning. Kelly added that it's unlikely Zaire will play this season in any kind of packages this season a la Andrew Hendrix and that if he gets time it will be because of either injury or Notre Dame being so far ahead that they can play reserves.

Golson as you know led Notre Dame to an undefeated 12-0 regular season before a humbling defeat in the National Title game vs Alabama during his one and only collegiate season in 2012.  Coming off academic suspension Golson has gained 15 pounds of muscle while also working on his mechanics and footwork with noted QB guru George Whitfield in California.  By all accounts Golson appears to be a more refined product who should be able to put up Heisman Trophy worthy numbers in Brian Kelly's offense now that they have the weapons and system in place to do so.

Prediction: Golson has a tremendous season leading the Fighting Irish to a 10-2 regular season record and a major bowl victory.

BUY HERE

Oregon Releases Their "Color Schedule" For Their Fans

I have no idea but do other schools do this?  This should be mandated for all schools.  It drives me crazy to see Notre Dame Stadium filled with a mixture of navy, gold, and green instead of just whatever color the student body is wearing.  With this kind of before season planning on what color the fans should wear on that particular Game Day it causes little if no confusion.  Every program should follow the Oregon Ducks way.

Pirates Edinson Volquez Makes A Sick Back Handed Stab

Prepare the fucking jolly roger!  Yes it was a blind grab but who gives a shit.  This play by Edinson Volquez deserves a slow golf clap.

Supermodel Chrissy Teigen Got Shit Bombed Before Throwing Out the Dodgers First Pitch

Despite being absolutely shit canned and having newborn giraffe leg balance supermodel Chrissy Teigen still threw a decent first pitch at Dodgers Stadium.  Teigen looks and acts like the girl who just wants everyone to think she is just one of the guys.  This is cute and all till you realize she's being paid to be seen, not heard.  I've never quite seen the appeal of Chrissy but hey at least she can hum it better than 50 Cent from the bump.

Bama Rides a Two Game Losing Streak into 2014

I think we all need to give Bama fans a dose of reality before they think they are a legit top 5 team this season.

A) You lost your two biggest games of the season to end the season.

B)  You got fucking destroyed by Oklahoma in the bowl game.

C)  You lost your best QB in 30 plus seasons to graduation in AJ McHandoff

D)  You fucking hired Lane Kiffin to be your OC which is on scale with giving Superman an IV of kryptonite

E)  The offensive line is in shambles

F)  Your vaunted defense while playing a Mickey Mouse schedule only managed 17 sacks last season

G)  Did I mention you hired Lane Kiffin who single handily tried his best to destroy USC football?

In other words temper your expectations Bama fans.  You got talent but it's unproven.  Granted you play another cupcake schedule with only two real tests in LSU and Auburn but don't think because you start October off undefeated that you have a legit shot at the college football playoffs this season.  It's just plain dumb.  Never go full retard Bama.  Never.

Jordan Carver Can Do 200 Squats

Jordan Carver looks like a good wholesome shy chick who just wants to show her fans that even with her chest deformities you can persevere in this sometimes cruel world.  Jordan keep doing your 200 squats.  You are an inspiration!

Pictures of Bama Fans Running To Get Nick Saban's Autograph is Both Funny and Equally Embarrassing

Last Sunday was Alabama Fan Day at Bryant-Denny Stadium and as you can see these Bammers wanted to meet their God in flesh who goes by the name of head coach Nick Saban.  I haven't seen smiles like that since they realized it was only their cousin and not their sister they made out with after Bama's thrilling BCS victory two years ago.  "But Maw she's not my sister she be only my first cousin. paw said it was OK!"

Bama fans are simple minded kind of folk.  Cousins and Saban are the gifts that just keep on giving.  Roll Tide!

This SEC Network Commercial for Texas A&M is Extremely Uncomfortable

Look I love dogs as much as any other guy but I don't talk about them like they're my girlfriend.  I was waiting for Reveille to be shown in some doggy lingerie on his caretaker's bed when he said "she's the only woman in my life right now."  Dude I get it that you love your dog but put away the peanut butter Aggie and go talk to some real women.  Over/Under on this guy offing himself after this commercial airs nationwide has to be a month at the most right?  As much as I love dogs and college football this commercial just made me feel like I was "forced" to watch some strange Mexican snuff film.

UGA Freshman Nick Chubb Has the Blocking Technique Down, Lays Out FullBack

My gawd, he's only a freshman too.  Everybody in SEC Country wants to talk about Todd Gurley and Leonard Fournette and for good reason but Nick Chubb to me will make the greatest impact this season.  He's a fucking freak of nature.  He's Chubb Strong.  My gawd, only a freshman.  I got money on Chubb going for over 1200 yards this season.  Granted he is in Athens now and about half of his teammates will be suspended before kickoff vs Clemson.

Video via Dr. Saturday via BULLDAWG ILLUSTRATED

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