YES OR NO?
Okay guys, I want you to be honest, would you still invite this Swedish TV Host over for a late night R&R even after the projectile vomiting?

No reason to bullshit or beat around the bush, I think if she brushes her teeth I'm okay with it. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and I think I can speak for pretty much everybody reading this blog we have all gone home with a girl...or guy for the ladies who wasn't the bread winner in their family(I'm looking in the mirror). Now that I think of it this is like the 3rd case of vomit I've seen in the past few days. Saturday night I saw one of my buddys do the liquid vomit game shortly after Georgia beat Alabama. Sunday night I saw somebody on television hurl, I can't really remember what show it was but I think it was on Showtime or HBO. And now this Swedish temptress hurling on live television.

I'm starting to feel left out.

There is no alternative, I must join the masses, eat some shitty food(McDonalds or Chipotle will do) or drink too much Whiskey and either wear a Red Sox or Yankee hat while doing it. That way I can fit in with all the other douchebags on TV who throw up. Don't worry people, I'm still in denial about Notre Dame football and I swear I will get out of this funk soon.

Back to the original question: Would you kick the Swedish TV Host to the curb if she hurled in front of you? And remember God knows when you are lying...I want some "fucking french toast biyatch!"


Swedish Host Video via BarstoolSports

BIG 12 COACHES ARE PSYCHOS!

First we had Dan Hawkins lecture us on Big 12 football and how it wasn't intramurals brother, now we have Oklahoma State head coach Mike Gundy having a hissy fit over an article. Apparently writer Jenni Carlson of the Oklahoman called one of his players, quarterback Bobby Reid, a pussy last week. It's true you can read it here.

Last week we had Jabba the Weis give the death stare to beat writer Eric Hansen. College football is a dish best served cold motherfuckers!

SOME WEEKEND OBSERVATIONS
-Rex Grossman is the worst quarterback in the NFL. I'm not sure what anybody has ever seen in him. It's like watching a slow motion train wreck with Grossman. Coach Lovie Smith has already stated he is going to stick with Grossman. It's too bad because the Bears have a really good team but will never win a Super Bowl with Grossman at the helm.

-The Eagles need to stick with those hideous UCLA wannabe uniforms. 56 points, are you fucking kidding me? I would wear garter belts with chaps out in public if I knew it was good luck. But of course people judge you too harshly, it's just fashion people.

-I know as crazy as this may sound I saw some good things out of Notre Dame on Saturday. RB's James Aldridge and Robert Hughes are both beasts capable of carrying the offense right now. I'm not sure why these two horses have hardly gotten any carries before this past week, but if I was Jabba the Weis I would keep feeding them while sprinkling in a little Armando Allen. I was also very impressed with LB's Kerry Neal and Brian Smith. Both freshmen played with a motor and made plays throughout the game. Here is hoping for the sake of my liver that Jabba the Weis plays these kids more often.

-Gamblers out there should recognize that Notre Dame hasn't covered a spread all year. Right now they are 21 1/2 point dogs at Purdue this week. You might want to take Purdue with the points considering this will be the first week the Irish go up against a good college QB in Curtis Painter.

-Ole Miss played an inspiring game against the Gators. Ed Orgeron is the real life Shrek. The guy has that crazy eye look, like he might just bite you for no good reason. The Rebels will have a good team next year with Texas transfer Jevan Snead leading the charge at QB. Orgeron just needs to keep relentlessly getting the recruits and I could see them challenging in the SEC West next season.

-I think right now my top two Heisman contenders are SEC quarterbacks. Tim Tebow and Andre' Woodson have been nearly flawless and have put their respective teams on their shoulders. My preseason favorite Desean Jackson is going to need some huge games to catch up. It's too bad he isn't healthy right now. Here is hoping he has a clean bill when they play USC.

-Family Guy and Curb Your Enthusiasm continue to hurt my sides from laughter. The 6th season premiere of Family Guy, called the Star Wars episode, was a classic. You don't handle the budget Terry, I do!

WEEKEND PREDICTIONS

Georgia Tech(-3) at Virginia:The first time I saw this line I almost pissed on myself. Okay, not really, but I felt a little trickle out. You know when you get scared or confused, sort of like watching a bad SNL skit or just watching Dane Cook try to perform comedy. Terrifying as that might seem, the Yellow Jackets are only 3 point favors in Charlottesville. Tech hasn't won up in Cranberry Spritzer land since 1990, oddly I remember the game quite fondly because it was a classic.


Virginia is 2-0 in conference play after beating up patsies North Carolina and Duke. Their one loss came against Wyoming. I know, stop your laughter, it's pathetic. But what do we really know about Tech? They dominated their first two games against Notre Dame (who hasn't) and Samford (school of the deaf and dumb)but then were throttled last week by Matt Ryan and his Backup College teammates. So something has to give.

I'm going with my first instinct which usually always involves alcohol, pissing, or changing the channel. Tech should win this game comfortably. Tashard Choice has gotten the go ahead to play and I think we will see a more confident Taylor Bennett this week. The Tech defense is going to be stoked for this battle with their ears pinned back (no idea what it means, it just sounds good) ready to prove last week was a fluke.

Prediction: Nerds 27, Lemon Drops 13

Penn State(-2.5) at Michigan:Holy shit, how many fucking games does Michigan play in the Big House this year? Both of these teams have been far from impressive but right now the Nittany Lions are playing better. They both beat the FUPA off of Charlie Weis and Notre Dame but who hasn't so far. I'm not really a firm believer in any one of these teams but I think Penn State has the upper hand.


Michigan is starting a freshman QB who will be playing a really good Penn State defense. Whether or not Ryan Mallett can refrain from turning over the ball will be a huge part in deciding the outcome. I'm looking forward to the matchup of Mario Manningham vs. Justin King. Both guys will be playing on Sundays and are among the best in the nation at their respective positions.

I think I have to go with Brains on this one. Michigan has looked horrible all season and one week of beating up ND does nothing in changing my mind. I wish Mike Hart would have made a guarantee for this game, it would have made it more interesting.

Anthony Morelli makes less mistakes than Mallett (no logic here, just going with the senior vs. freshman dynamic) and Penn State gets revenge against the Skunkbears.

Prediction: Penn State 28 Michigan 20

Michigan State(-13.5) at Notre Dame:I don't think I need to go in details about what is wrong with the Irish to deserve a ridiculous spread like this at Rock's House. Sparty has had the Irish number in South Bend the last five times. No team has ever won 6 straight in South Bend and of course no Irish team has ever started 0-4.


Is Michigan State that good to deserve a spread of nearly two touchdowns? Of course not. Michigan State's program has evolved into a giant pile of shit stained expectations that never come to fruition. Wow, what a shock, Sparty is 3-0. They always are because they play shit teams just like Purwho does in the beginning of the season.

So what gives? Notre Dame is a fucking mess right now. They can't wipe their ass properly let alone convert a third down. As much as my Irish blinders say they can win this week it's hard to ignore the brutal truth.

Prediction: Fucking Sparty 27 Irish 12

Oklahoma(-23.5) at Tulsa:
Tulsa gave up almost 700 yards total offense to BYU last week...this could get ugly, very, very, u-g-l-y. I'm actually surprised the spread isn't wider. I'm talking Pamela Anderson canyon wide. Right now the spread is manageable for Oklahoma with Sam Bradford leading the way. Bradford has been hitting on all cylinders and nothing about Tulsa makes me think it will change this week.

The Sooners defense has been reminded the whole week what Boise State did to them in the Fiesta Bowl. Non-BCS schools aren't going to surprise the Sooners anymore.

Prediction: Oklahoma 62 Tulsa 14

Oregon State(+12) at Arizona State:The line just seems way too big for this game. The Beavers are going to want to show their former coach Dennis Erickson that they are tougher than his current team. Sammie Stroughter will have a big game against a suspect Sun Devil's defense. RB Ryan Torian is expected to miss the game against for Arizona State.

I got to go with the Beavers on this one. The line is just too big and I think Oregon State can win this game straight up. The PAC-10 blows this year except for USC and Cal. This game will be entertaining and close.

Prediction: Oregon State 34 Arizona State 30

Arizona(+16) at Cal:
I'm really hoping this game is on TV here in Atlanta because I want to see All-Americans Desean Jackson and Antoine Cason battle each other. The Wildcats aren't that bad and Cal isn't that good. Cal will win and Jackson will have a highlight play no doubt, but it will be closer than what Vegas thinks.

Prediction: Cal 28 Arizona 17

South Carolina at LSU(-16.5):LSU's defense is going to destroy South Carolina. LSU is just too good and too loaded for this game to be close in Baton Rouge. I could see South Carolina taking the open kickoff and having a decent drive and then all of the Cock fans get all excited and start looking at each other and right before they make out Glenn Dorsey tears their fucking soul out with a forced fumble sack and the game is over before you even knew it. Click-clack Spurrier.

Prediction: LSU 42 South Carolina 10

Kentucky(+6.5) at Arkansas:A game featuring a pair of Heisman contenders in Darren McFadden and Andre' Woodson, I'm actually surprised the Hawgs are favored by almost a touchdown. Kentucky is playing sky high right now after beating in-state rival Louisville last week. This isn't your everyday Kentucky squad and they will be able to put up points on the board against a suspect Arkansas defense.

D-Mac and Felix Jones will again play like beasts and put up a lot of yards. But Arkansas has a Dick as their QB and I think it is really going to fuck them in this game. Woodson is a great QB and will clearly outplay him while getting the ball to his playmakers in Rafael Little and Keenan Burton.

Both of these teams played shootouts last week and this game will be a high scoring affair too. I'm taking the big Wood-son over the little Dick.

Prediction: Kentucky 38 Arkansas 35

Georgia(+3.5) at Alabama:
Mark Richt's teams usually play good on the road, winning 10 of their last 11. The Bulldogs need this win or they will be 0-2 in the conference and you can kiss their BCS chances good bye. Matthew Stafford will outplay his counterpart John Parker Wilson and the Dawgs will squeeze out a victory with a late TD.

Prediction: Georgia 20 Alabama 17

TIGER LEAVES A FLOATER

The video footage is from the US Open with a bunch of grown men waiting for Tiger to squeeze out his last drop. You know some sick asshole fished out a turd and tried to sell it on Ebay. How much would a Tiger Turd get you? I'm thinking at least a grand. You could put it in a formaldehyde jar and display it on your fireplace mantle. Hell, you could throw Tiger Turd partys. Bring it with you to special occasions like graduations or birthday partys. Oh fuck it, if I won it I would bring it to a tailgate and have it root for my favorite team. You could never lose with the Tiger Turd by your side. Okay enough of the turd talk, I'm going to go check out Ebay...

Via Deadspin

THE WEEKLY LOU HOLTZ PEP TALK
Here is Holtz latest pep talk to the Penn State NNiiittannyy Wions. Remember folks, there may be 108,000 people in the stands, but they don't have weapons. Words of wisdom to live by...

"Remember men, Michigan is a rather arrogant group, they probably use pens to fill out their crossword puzzles because they think they are never wrong."
That is gold Jerry, gold!!

RANDOM JOKE

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me
life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast
of the night"

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church
beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street
corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other
night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know,
he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the
other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

MY HEISMAN FRONTRUNNERS
We are a third of the way into the season and we are starting to get a better understanding of who exactly are the best players in college football this year. Luckily I've gotten a chance to watch all these players play at least two games and so here are my top 5 as of now.

1. Tim Tebow-For those people in the Southeast who were hoping the Gators would take a step back with a new QB and a revamped D, well, you are in for a rude awakening. Tebow has been doing it all and is already the clear leader in just his sophomore season. I know a lot of people will discredit his chances for winning the Heisman because he is a sophomore(no freshman or sophomore has ever won)but the times are changing.

2. Darren McFadden-If you watched his performance against Alabama it probably just reaffirmed his elite status as a running back. To me the loss means little to his Heisman case because he was so good, but I can see the morons out there scratching out his name because of the loss. Those people would be called idiots/writers who shouldn't have a vote in the first place. Look for him to step up his game even further this Saturday against Kentucky and their Heisman candidate Andre' Woodson.

3. Sam Bradford-A red shirt freshman who won the starting QB job for the Sooners just a few weeks before the season started, Bradford has been spectacular so far. He is completing 80% of is passes with a TD-to-Int ratio of 11-to-1. His first big test will be against the Longhorns on October 6th. If he plays big in that game he could become the front runner if the LSU defense shuts down Tebow.

4. Colt Brennan-This guy is a fucking machine. He has a hairdo that scares the shit out of me, I know it must keep opposing defensive coordinators up late at night. All of his stats are out of this world and if he keeps it up you can pretty much guarantee an invite to New York City.

5. Andre' Woodson-
Don't laugh people, this kid could be the first pick in next year's NFL Draft. Woodson looked awesome against Louisville in leading a huge win for the Wildcats over their in-state rival. He has yet to throw an interception and is completing nearly 70% of his passes. More importantly he is providing great leadership to a team that might not have the most talent in the SEC but will provide a good test every week. This week's battle with Arkansas could be a huge boost for his candidacy.

JUST MISSED THE CUT:
Desean Jackson-His injury is limiting his potential. When healthy he is the best player in my opinion.

Pat White-Didn't have a great game against Maryland but is still the Mountaineers best player.

Matt Ryan-A great talent who is moving up quickly after destroying a good Georgia Tech defense.

Ray Rice-A consistent runner, he is going to need big games against Louisville and West Virginia to have any chance because of Rutgers weak early season schedule.

Brian Brohm-Played really well against Kentucky, problem is Andre' Woodson outplayed him.

NEW SHIRTS THIS WEEK






All shirts are $17 with a portion of all sales going to the American Cancer Society.
You can click on the image to take you to the store.

THE NEW O.J. SHIRT
I think our graphic designer came up with a tits shirt right here. It's always healthy to poke fun at a school that takes pride in their murderers. The shirt will be available starting Thursday morning for $17 on the store page.

YOU CAN'T SPELL TROJANS WITHOUT OJ

This cartoon is highly inappropriate thus the reason why I decided to put it on here. I think it is about time for a good OJ shirt for Mr. Heisman. I never knew OJ talked just like Isiah Thomas. I'm thinking we could make a great reality show starring these two degenerates.

PLAY OF THE WEEK

JP Wilson's throw to Caddell for the game winning touchdown against Arkansas was a thing of beauty. It took me a while to remember the play because I was a little sauced at the time but I figured I would replay it here on this rootin tootin blog. Fucking Saban.

WHAT THE FUCK?

Yes people, that is no other than Oscar De La Hoya dressed up as a drag queen. I guess boxers still do blow because there is no way to explain this. I don't care how drunk you get or how funny you think you are, you have to be a switch hitter to dress like that. You get a pass if it is Halloween and your wife/girlfriend is taking the pictures, but it appears Oscar has his own little trick and treat action going on behind the scenes.

I'm not sure what the world is coming to when a boxing great is so clearly not masculine. I wonder what the Vegas odds were on this kind of shit happening? Is it just me or does he kind of look good in the fishnet stockings?

Right, I think I should just go now...

RANDOM BASEBALL JOKE

Three fans are walking to Fenway Park for the Red Sox-Yankees playoff series, when they see a foot sticking out of some bushes. An inspection revealed a dead-drunk naked woman. One man placed his Orioles baseball cap on her right breast. The Red Sox fan placed his cap on her left breast, and the Yankee fan put his over her crotch. They then called the police.

The cop lifted up the Orioles cap, and made a few notes. He then lifted the Red Sox cap and made more notes. Then he lifted the Yankees cap, put it down, lifted it again and put it down. When he lifted it the third time the Yankee fan said, ''What are you doing? Are you some kind of pervert, or what?'' The cop said, I was just confused, usually when I see a Yankee cap, there's an asshole under it.''

GEORGIA IN FEAR OF SABAN

According to Carter Strickland of the Atlanta Journal and Constitution, Coach Mark Richt has closed practices in favor of privacy while preparing for Alabama this week. One can only presume that Richt is nervous of the Saban, a disciple of Bill Belicheater.

Coach(Nick Saban) just happened to work for Bill Belichick at one time. Belichick was fined for spying in the NFL two weeks ago.

"You just don't know what can come out," Richt said. "We wanted to get it as tight as we could get it."

Georgia has been increasingly sensitive about other teams possibly knowing its offensive plays. Richt avoided that direct line of questioning and instead offered this:

"Everybody is a little bit paranoid that a little bit of information is getting out that could make a difference," he said.

As for an opponent coming in and watching practice, Richt highly doubts that would happen.

"I would be shocked," Richt said. "You would have to hire somebody to go and act like he is somebody else and I don't think they would do that."

First Saban lies to people in Louisania and Florida, then he takes away the SECPoon, and now he is suspected of spying on his opponents.

Something must be done about this Saban fella. True the guy has the Tide back in the top 25 and more than likely they will beat Georgia this week because they already know all of offensive coordinator's Mike Bobo play calls (hell, I know them and I've only watched two games)but this guy is as moral as a Catholic priest with his hand on a boy's knee.

I know Georgia fans hate Steve Spurrier because of his frank demeanor and statements and overall record against the Dawgs but I think Saban should be their new #1 enemy.

Don't fear the Saban...slay the beast before he takes over the SEC again.

BOOK EM HORNS


James Henry(lovely mug shot to the right) is the latest winner in the contest of who can get arrested while playing for the Texas Longhorns. A backup reserve RB and special team player for Mack Brown's squad, Henry is the 6th Longhorn to be arrested in the last two months. He has been charged with two felony counts of obstruction and tampering with evidence in accordance with the investigation of a July home invasion that allegedly involved two other players, Andre Jones and Robert Joseph.

He has been suspended from the team indefinitely from the team according to Brown.

What the hell is going on in Austin? I can understand a few players making mistakes but these Longhorns are not getting arrested for minor offenses like jaywalking or underage drinking. Supposedly Henry went over to the house were the burglary took place and brandished out his own justice to the people who were accusing his teammates of theft.

Henry said he "went over there and whupped" one of the victims, who told police they were thrown on the ground and punching and kicked in the head several times.

Sounds like a stand-up individual looking out for his homies. What is the college football world coming to when you can't simply kick some body's ass for snitching? I think we can all blame this on OJ Simpson and Michael Vick. Clearly they have set a bad example for all black athletes including myself. Oh wait, I'm not black...I'm European-American.

Our new slogan for the Longhorns is "Book Em Horns!" Clearly a shirt needs to be made. Any suggestions?

NOTHING LIKE SOME GOOD OLD ROOKIE HAZING

The Boston Red Sox, otherwise known as the Yankees impersonators, had their annual rookie hazing tradition yesterday. Usually you don't see videos of this because cameras aren't suppose to be allowed but the Red Sox decided to forget the norm. I think my favorite part is seeing Dice-K and his interpreter in TeleTubbie outfits. They look like two gay midgets getting ready for a jello fight. Speaking of midgets, where the hell is 2b Dustin Pedroia? I guess the little fucker takes enough ridicule on the road that his team mates didn't want to hurt his feelings anymore. I would have dressed him up in an Oompa Loompa outfit, blindfolded him, spin him around for about 30 seconds and then let him run around the clubhouse. Now that would be entertaining. Hell they could put it on Pay-Per-View and call it "When Midgets attack clubhouses."

Oh yeah, the Red Sox and the Yankees are more than likely going to make the playoffs. The sad and unfunny truth, in other words the Dane Cook law, is that we will again be force fed their stupid rivalry up until 2080.

GATORS FINALLY GO DOWN

Okay, well, it's only a student at the University of Florida who was arrested and tasered at a John Kerry event at a campus forum but at least it's entertaining.

I'm loving the screams of "what did I do?"

You are acting like an idiot dipshit. I love democracy and I believe we should all have the right to free speech, but a part of me loves seeing this kid named Andrew Meyer the Cryer (no apparent relation to Urban, but he sounds like him) going down hard for acting like he is better than everybody. Sure he may be better than John Kerry, shit, who isn't? The guy lost to George Bush for heaven's sake.

But one thing you will learn as you get older: You are never better than the cops! No matter how many drinks you have had.

Ask OJ.

VOTE ON THE BOND'S BALL
Apparently the guy who just won the bidding on the Barry Bond's record setting bullshit ball has started a website called Vote756.com in order for the nation to determine what he should do with the ball. Before I found out about this I was going to chastise whom ever bought the ball for being a Bond's soul less cocksucker. Now after seeing the website created by the winner Mark Ecko, I think I might go down on the fucker. Pure brilliance on his part. Anyways, I voted to send the ball to outer space because there was no choice of shooting it up either Bud Selig or Peter Angelos ass. This is democracy at it's finest people. Get over there and vote. And if you really hate Bonds and what he stands for go buy this shirt.

RANDOM JOKE



The Shiny-Walled Box Thingie

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.
The lad asked, "What is this, father?"

The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what it is."


While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.

The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."