Getting Ugly for Uggla

Image Courtesy of the AP

Matt and I were having a conversation the other day about Atlanta's most recent trade for perennial All Star Dan Uggla and I think we can all be honest, it's getting ugly. When Atlanta made the trade for the slugging 2nd baseman, no one would have guess he would be so, well, sluggish. Uggla is hitting .175, that's not even his weight.

The only comfort I take is that Omar Infante hasn't exactly had a great season, only batting .250 with 17 RBIs, our bullpen lefties are second to none, and Dan Uggla's defense has been absolutely spectacular. Still, we signed a clean up hitter, not expecting to have to clean up for him. Maybe the pressure of a lot of money is getting to him and if so, he's in the wrong profession.

Dave O'Brien talked yesterday on the Braves Blog on the AJC about Uggla getting slotted in the 7th hole and being benched twice in the last 7 games.

Gonzalez decided to “give him a breather” on Tuesday for the second time in seven games, using Uggla only as a pinch-runner for Chipper Jones late in the game.

The manager joked Wednesday that Uggla was too much of a “pain in the [rear]” pacing and fidgeting in the dugout to not play him in consecutive games.

“He’s your every-day second baseman,” Gonzalez said, on a serious note. “He can’t break out of that stuff sitting on the bench. There comes a point where you just give him a little mental rest and then run him back in there, let him play. He’s earned that.”

The Braves traded Omar Infante and left-handed reliever Mike Dunn to the Marlins for Uggla in November, then signed him to a five-year, $62 million contract extension before spring training, giving him the highest average annual salary ($12.4 million) for any second baseman.

Uggla averaged nearly 31 home runs and 93 RBIs in five seasons with the Marlins, including career-highs of 33 homers and 105 RBIs in 2010, when he also had personal bests in average (.287), on-base percentage (.369) and on-base-plus-slugging percentage (.877).

Before Wednesday, his .178 average this season was the second-lowest among National League qualifiers, and his .568 OPS was third-lowest. With runners in scoring position, his .118 average (6-for-51) was the third-lowest in the league.

The Braves got him to be the right-handed power hitter their lineup had lacked in recent years, but Uggla’s .115 average and .154 slugging percentage against lefties were the third-worst marks in the NL before Wednesday.

He had seven homers and 16 RBIs before Wednesday, including two homers and seven RBIs in May while batting .160 (16-for-100).

I, for one, still believe in Uggla and not just because his forearm is bigger than my leg. I personally like the guy. He works hard, he's a team first guy, he's as much of a blue collar player as there is in the game. He's just got to get out of his own head and go back to having fun playing baseball. In the end, I think Uggla will be more than worth his salary to the Braves, even if they do decide to package Uggla, Hanson, and Beachy to make a run at Albert Pujols. Hey, a guy can dream right?!?!?

Garcia gets another shot

Image courtesy of the Associated Press

Seriously, what in the hell is it going to take to get kicked out of USCe? Six chances? This kid has almost as many lives as Catwoman. Let's run through a list of suspensions:

1. Suspended for public drunkenness a month after enrolling in 2007.
2. Suspended for vandalizing a professor’s car two months after enrolling.
3. Suspended for underage drinking a year after that.
4. Suspended last March for having girls in his hotel room after curfew at the Chick-Fil-A Bowl.
5. Suspended a month later for drunken, disruptive behavior at an SEC-mandated leadership event.

Image Courtesy of the Associated Press

This has got to be a joke. As my buddy ECDawg of The Leather Helmet Blog (ps... read this... everyday Dawg fans) says "Garcia's longevity says more about Spurrier's failure to recruit another QB than it does about USCe disciplinary structure."

Chris Low on ESPN talks with Spurrier about Garcia getting another shot.

“One more, and he’ll be finished,” Spurrier said Wednesday.

For the record, Garcia has been suspended five times, including for all or parts of three spring practices.

His most recent suspension came after he became disruptive and was asked to leave an SEC-mandated life skills/leadership seminar in April. Garcia admitted to Spurrier that he’d been drinking prior to the event while celebrating a teammate’s birthday.

At the time, there were several associated with the program who felt Spurrier might send Garcia packing for good, especially considering how much Spurrier has publicly lamented Garcia’s lack of commitment and flimsy work ethic the past two years.

But Spurrier was singing a different tune Wednesday now that Garcia has been reinstated on a probationary basis for summer workouts.

“He’s made a life-change commitment,” Spurrier said. “He’s changed a lot about his life. He’s a changed person right now. Hopefully, he’ll stay that way.”

I have to agree with Matt Hayes for The Sporting News, Spurrier is enabling Garcia's behavior. I'd even go further, he's telling his recruits it's ok to be an alcoholic and destroy other people's lives. You can still play for me. We all make mistakes and we all get slapped on the wrist. How is this teaching this KIDS anything about the game of life? Check out more of Matt's article below:

And this is the player Spurrier has staked his reputation on? It’s so unbelievably out of character for a coach who — until this five-year joyride from Garcia — has never shied from disciplining star players for the smallest of mistakes.

Then again, it was strangely out of character for Jim Tressel to not forward a simple e-mail that would’ve saved his job and reputation.

Now, like it or not, Spurrier has hitched his legacy to a player who has been suspended more than any player in the history of college sports. I’m not exactly sure if that statement is 100 percent accurate, but has anyone in any sport been suspended five times?

Let me explain some Parenting 101 for the good folks in Columbia: If a child doesn’t fear consequences, he doesn’t fear doing the wrong thing. If you suspend a player five times, by the third time, the word “suspension” may as well mean “vacation.”

There’s no way around the reality of five suspensions. I don’t care the degree of the offenses or the manner in the way each was addressed.

This is the quarterback of the team, the extension of the coach; the one player who simply can’t do what he wants when he wants. The team follows his lead.

Football Just Needs To Get Here Already

I'm sick and tired of this fucking heat already and June just started. I need my football fix and I need it fast god damnit. The NFL owners need to stop being greedy assholes and renew the collective bargaining agreement and end the lockout. Let free agency begin. Now. And the college football season most definitely needs to get here fast before some other program is thrown to the NCAA wolves. While I like talking about the controversies I also like talking and watching the pigskin. In the meantime while my ball sweat drips down to my taint and slowly nestles in my hairy a-hole I will force you people to look at these pictures of Holly Madison throwing a pigskin. I know I'm such an asshole. A sweaty one apparently.

Go Irish!

Terrelle Pryor Undecided About Supplemental Draft

Seriously how in the holy hell is Ohio State Quarterback Terrelle Pryor undecided about entering the NFL Supplemental Draft? Do they not give away free rides in the pros? Oh that is why...

Via Adam Rittenberg's College Football Nation Blog...

As of now, Pryor remains an Ohio State Buckeye and only faces a five-game suspension at the start of the 2011 season. But a new NCAA investigation into Pryor and his use of cars -- coupled with the news that Pryor has been driving on a suspended license -- leave many wondering whether the quarterback has played his last down at Ohio State.

Now comes this tidbit from Willie Burns, Pryor's godfather and legal guardian, who tells colleague Joe Schad that Pryor is undecided about whether to enter the NFL's supplemental draft.
"He makes up his mind in a minute," Burns told Schad. "He says no one minute and then he may go the next."

The supplemental draft will take place in July if any players apply (none currently have). But Burns' quote indicates Pryor is considering the draft as an option.

The quarterback likely would only be eligible for the supplemental draft if his eligibility status at Ohio State changes. I hope whatever happens with Pryor and the NCAA, a solution is reached in time for the quarterback to enter the supplemental draft if it's his best recourse.

Listen TP. Your college career is over. It's as suspended as your license. Do the people of Columbus a favor and just get the hell out. We all know you aren't there for the education. You want to play football right? Well then move to Canada.

84 Egg Sandwich - Epic Meal Time

Could you imagine if you watched this in Africa? I can only imagine the looks you would receive. "What are you looking at toothpick?"

Via SI Extra Mustard

West Virginia's Dana Holgorsen Likes To Party

You know what they say. It takes a drunk to know a drunk. Well I have had my Ph.D secured for over a decade now and I can damn well tell you that Dana Holgorsen, West Virginia's new offensive coordinator and head coach-in-waiting, is as big as a drunk as there is. And now officials at West Virginia are getting worried.

Holgorsen has reportedly been involved in at least three and, perhaps, as many as six alcohol-related incidents in the last six months, according to multiple sources with knowledge of the situation.

The first five were hushed up, but the sixth incident at Mardi Gras Casino in Cross Lanes on May 18 has blown the cover off Holgorsen's embarrassing antics. Nitro police were called to the casino at about 3:20 a.m. on May 18 to remove an apparently intoxicated customer who didn't want to leave. Holgorsen was asked to step outside, sit on a bench and await a taxi. No charges were filed.

West Virginia school president James Clements is apparently not much of a partier and has considered Holgorsen's alcoholism/having a good time/behaving like a drunk college coed are not qualities he would consider as an outstanding reputation amongst the Mountaineers faithful. He has called on Athletic director Oliver Luck (father of Stanford QB Andrew) to keep a tight leash on Holgorsen or Luck will lose his job. Hmm, you wouldn't hear about this happening in Columbus. So Holgorsen is cleaning up like all good drunks do right? Not exactly.

The Intelligencer/Wheeling News-Register reported Saturday that Holgorsen allegedly was asked to leave both a bar inside Oglebay Park and, later, at Wheeling Island Hotel, Casino and Racetrack earlier this year.

Sources say there was also an incident at Pete Dye Golf Club in Bridgeport, W.Va., which involved Holgerson being told to leave and not come back. And, then, there are rumors of three incidents at the Morgantown hotel in which he lives, including being banned from the hotel bar.

Dude, how do you get fucking banned from the hotel bar? Apparently Holgorsen is close to hitting rock bottom. Nothing says drunk asshole then "guy who is not allowed to drink at the hotel anymore" tagged on you.

So what do you take from this story? Holgerson likes to drink and gamble and get kicked out of casinos. I think I just found my new best friend.

Shaq Retired Today...What A Second, Shaq Was Still Playing?

I could have sworn Shaq retired like 4 seasons ago. I don't follow the NBA religiously because it gets in the way of my alcoholism but I thought Shaq was done when he left the Miami Heat. I just now realized he played on the Boston Celtics last year. Fuck I'm so out of it. Well after 19 seasons Shaq is hanging up his size 23 shoes (you remember the Reebok Pumps? I had a pair) and going off into the sunset. Actually the big guy is more apt at creating an eclipse but you get the point. So what is next for Shaq? I'm going to say reality star. The guy will appear on The Apprentice or whatever other reality show will pay for his appearance and show off his goofy ass smile. The big guy lives an extravagant lifestyle so I'm sure we will be hearing an Antoine Walker-like tale in a few years about how he lost all his Benjamins. Maybe he can tour with the Fu Schnikins? What's up Doc?

THE NEW VEST IN PEACE O$U JIM TRESSEL SHIRT

This is probably the greatest smack talk t-shirt of all-time. No kidding. We call it the "VEST IN PEACE" shirt and already shirts are selling in the hundreds. This shirt is already a classic and it's not even a couple of hours old.

The front of the shirt is a traditional sweatervest gravestone with "VEST IN PEACE LIAR LIAR VEST ON FIRE 2001-2011 COLUMBUS, OHIO" etched on it.

On the back of the shirt it says "Tressel DOTTING THE i IN LIAR O$U $UCKEYE$."

You can get your very own shirt by ordering here at SportsCrack.com

Also available in RED for all the Nebraska and Wisconsin Fans...

Take A Deep Breath: Blake Lively Nude Pictures Leaked

Some people remember exactly where they were when Kennedy was shot or when they lost their virginity. Today I will remember exactly where I was when Gossip Girl star and currently Leonard Dicaprio's latest notch on the belt Blake Lively's nude pictures leaked on the internet. Obviously these pictures are NSFW and obviously they are fucking awesome. Click on the pictures to get the uncensored versions. Welcome to the summer heat! USA! USA! USA!



Blake Lively NSFW Nude Shot
Blake Lively NSFW Nude Shot 2
Blake Lively NSFW Nude Shot 3

NBA Finals Prediction

Before the season started we all kind of knew the best team in the NBA would be the Miami Heat. Sure we hated the way they were assembled with Lebron James doing an ESPN Special for a hour while slowly tearing out the collective heart of Clevelanders. It was unnecessary but once Chris Bosh signed too we figured the Heat were the odds-on favorites to win the Title. What we didn't know was how much they would struggle against winning ballclubs during the regular season. Literally the Heat sucked against teams like the Lakers, Mavericks, Celtics, Magic, etc. But now they are playing their best basketball and have advanced rather easily to the NBA Finals.

With the Heat in the Finals there is little doubt in my mind they win this series versus the Dallas Mavericks.

Dirk Nowitzki has played incredible throughout the playoffs and pretty much has put Dallas on his German shoulders. But now we have reached the Finals and the Heat just have too much star power. You know Dwayne Wade is going to play like a NBA Finals MVP. You know Lebron is going to be hustling his ass off and will be lockdown on defense. And you know Chris Bosh will be the glue that gets some key rebounds and scores some big time baskets inside.

Tonight I will take Dallas beating the +4.5 as dogs on the road.

Prediction: Heat 97 Mavericks 94

In the series I got the Heat winning in 6. It pays out 5.5.

Rugby Fan Gone Topless

I'm intentionally avoiding the Atlanta Thrashers moving to Winnipeg story because honestly it just infuriates me too much so I figured I would post things that don't irritate me. Namely boobs. Oh yeah. Much better now.

Top 23 Air Jordans Presented By Playboy

I've never owned a pair of Air Jordan kicks. Now Playboys are a different story. What? I like the articles.

Softball? Not Exactly

I didn't even know this kind of shit was possible. Saturday's Baylor vs. Georgia softball game saw catcher Clare Hosack take one right off the face in the super regional game in Athens. It's not the first time a chick has taken one off the face in Athens. Zing!

Derek Dooley On The College Scandals

Tennessee Volunteers head football coach Derek Dooley was asked today by Clay Travis on what he tells his coaches about college scandals. His response was short but oh so sweet.

"If we get fired around here, it better be for losing ballgames."

It's Official: Terrelle Pryor Is Fucking Retarded

CREDIT: WBNS-TV COLUMBUS / DAN FRONCZAK by sportsxbrooks

This feels like one of those Saturday Night Live sketches. I mean REALLY? Your head coach just resigned because of issues with players getting cars and what do you show up in Terrelle Pryor? A fucking Nissan with dealer plates.

Smacks heads and laughs out loud. There is dumb. Then there is Terrelle Pryor dumb.

Buckeye Nation wants to put the blame on Roy Small for being a snitch. Well at least he doesn't flaunt it like Pryor does.

Video via SportsByBrooks

The Buckeyes Are Fucked

George Dohrmann's Sports Illustrated Investigation on the Ohio State Buckeyes football program was the final nail in the coffin for head coach Jim Tressel but it's really just the start of future sanctions.

For too long now Tressel has buried his head in the sand and let his players run amok with shady boosters, dirty tattoo parlors, and fast talking car salesmen while racking up the most important stat in college football: wins. In Dohrmann's article he reveals it was not just a few select players who bent the NCAA rules which Tressel and athletic director Gene Smith (who should also be fired) wanted everyone to believe. It was as much the players fault (at least 28 OSU players are alleged to have traded or sold memorabilia for either tattoos, money, cars or marijuana) as it was Tressel and the compliance office at Ohio State. It was a systematic disregard of the NCAA rules.

In four words: lack of institutional control.




The NCAA has already hammered USC for the Reggie Bush fiasco and stripped away the Heisman, National Championship, along with 30 scholarships and future bowl games. If Ohio State wants to avoid a stiffer penalty they need to stop pretending it never happened.

With Tressel's resignation it really is just the first domino to fall. Tressel is the first fall guy. Don't get me wrong the guy is a wolf dressed is a sweatervest hiding behind his "Christian" values shtick. But this goes to everyone around that football program. From the businesses to the boosters to the athletic director. The AD Smith should be fired or resign immediately. If Ohio State wants to save face and show they are not just another program gone rogue they need to clean house now. Not two months from now. Not a year from today. Right now.

The first order of business for Ohio State is a self imposed bowl suspension for at least this season. The Buckeyes already have 5 vital players suspended for the first 5 games of the season. Sure they could make a run for the Big Ten Championship but in all likelihood it will just be vacated later.

The second order of business is to suspend quarterback Terrelle Pryor for good. He should never wear a Buckeyes uniform again. Ever since his recruitment with his brand new Corvette Pryor has been pictured around campus driving at least 8 different cars with dealer tags on them. It's fairly obvious that Pryor has been taking handouts from anybody who offers. It's only a matter of time before the NCAA finds out Pryor has gotten Reggie Bush-like perks while in Columbus. If the Buckeyes want to wipe the slate clean they need to get rid of the shit.

The third order of business is to get a new compliance department. They haven't done their job. Plain and simple. It just amazes me how they couldn't know any of this stuff was happening especially when it involves your highest profile athletes and coach.

In conclusion if I were the Buckeyes and wanted to avoid any potential "death penalty" I would consider the 2011 season a probation season. If they self impose at least a one year postseason ban (no Big Ten Championship game or bowl game) and reduce scholarships by 15 over the next 3 years then I think they have a shot at getting past any possible future sanctions from the NCAA. But if they refuse to acknowledge the fact that they have continued to break NCAA rules and want to put all the blame on Tressel then they are going to get hammered by the NCAA.

Either way the Buckeyes football program is fucked in the short term. But if they have dreams of landing Urban Meyer in the future then 2011 needs to be a year of admitting your faults and sobering up while wiping the slate clean completely. Will it happen? Probably not. They are nuts after all up there.

Dick Move By Mike Bibby

I know in the grand scheme of things what Miami Heat's point guard Mike Bibby did isn't that big of a deal but it's still a dick move. You are a professional athlete. Act like one. Derrick Rose probably would have missed the free throw even without Bibby's throwing the towel because Rose is no Dirk.

I know Derrick Rose got the MVP and he had a tremendous regular season so I don't want to take anything away from that but he looked like shit this entire playoffs. Sure he has some brilliant plays and dunks but his shooting was terrible. I wouldn't even put him in the Allen Iverson class yet. At least Iverson could shoot 50% and hit his free throws. If Rose had a good series vs. the Heat then there is little doubt in my head the Bulls are in the Finals.

By the way I would love to see Bibby pulls this shit in Dallas with Dirk at the line. I can already see Mark Cuban clothes lining the asshole.

Nice Set of Melons Hillary Duff

Hillary Duff was showing off her Sobe melons at some stupid challenge thing a ma jig in New York City. Seriously what the fuck is Sobe? Is it one of those dumb tea drinks? I fucking hate tea. I'd rather drink water from the men's urinal then have tea. It's fucking leaf water. Disgusting.

Scale of 1-to-10 about how dirty Hillary Duff is in the sack. I'm going to go 8.5. She has to be pretty freaky to stay married to a professional athlete.

Buster Posey Suffers Broken Leg And Ligament Damage, Cue Overreacting SportsWriters With New Rules

Last night in the top of the 12th inning in a tie ball game between the Giants and the Marlins with one out and runners on the corners the Marlins Emilio Bonifacio hit a lazy fly ball to shallow right center field. The Marlins Scott Cousins was tagging at third and came barreling down on Giants catcher Buster Posey trying to knock the ball loose for what would be the winning go-ahead run.

As you can see the ball never stuck in Posey's mitt and in the process Buster got taken out while his left ankle/leg snapped during the collision with Cousins. Immediately you could tell something was wrong. Posey was in sheer pain. Not only did he break his leg but he also tore some ligaments around his left ankle. Essentially the Giant's lost their most valuable player for the season. The reigning Rookie of the Year who bats cleanup for the defending World Series Champions. It's a huge blow no doubt and there is a chance we never see Posey behind the dish ever. But can we please stop sportswriters from trying to put the blame on a clean play. Cue Rob Neyer...

It should be considered a dirty play, though.

And I'm not the only one. From one Buster this morning, we have a perfectly reasonable reaction from another Buster's agent:

Posey's agent, Jeff Berry, said Thursday morning he is going to reach out to Joe Torre, leader of on-field operations for Major League Baseball, and raise the idea of changing the rules regarding plays at the plate.

Over time, it is has become accepted practice for catchers to block home plate, and for baserunners to launch themselves into catchers.

"You leave players way too vulnerable," Berry said. "I can tell you Major League Baseball is less than it was before [Posey's injury]. It's stupid. I don't know if this ends up leading to a rule change, but it should. The guy [at the plate] is too exposed.

"If you go helmet to helmet in the NFL, it's a $100,000 fine, but in baseball, you have a situation in which runners are [slamming into] fielders. It's brutal. It's borderline shocking. It just stinks for baseball. I'm going to call Major League Baseball and put this on the radar. Because it's just wrong."

Of course it's wrong. Baseball was not designed, and is not best played, as a contact sport.

Neyer cites what Posey's agent thinks about the play and I don't understand what the point is. Berry of course is going to have a strong opinion against catchers being taken out because he just saw his number one client and a potential huge commission check literally break in half as soon as Posey's leg crumpled underneath him. It sucks but it's part of the game and again it was a clean play by Cousins.

Baseball for the most part is not a contact sport. But there is always a risk when you put on the catcher's gear. It's not for the faint of heart. Posey knew the risk of choosing his path as a backstop. Catchers take a beating every night. But to ask MLB to change the rules because somebody got hurt is dumb. I take it the next time a player gets injured while being taken out at second base trying to break up the double play then we should change the rules according to Neyer? How about we don't allow pitchers to hit batters anymore because of potential risk?

There is no way MLB will give Neyer's argument the time of day. At least I hope so.

South Park Has A Little Something For The "Non-Profit" NCAA

Last night's South Park was pure brilliance. You have Cartman starting a Crack Baby Athletic Association in which him and Kyle make money off the crack babies but don't pay them. They get a deal with EA Sports to use the images and likenesses of the crack babies. Again they don't have to give anything back to the crack babies except for the opportunity to play in the league. Sound familiar? Cartman starts to refer to his "student-athletes" as slaves in a hysterical plantation owner's Louisiana accent while in a meeting with the University of Colorado President.


Are you a recruiting nut like myself? Well Cartman and Butters turn into full blown recruiters for unborn crack babies. "I can not offer you any cash...I can offer you though some crack!" Sounds like what coaches offer recruits. We will give you Nike clothing and cars but no money. It's unethical.

Crack Baby Athletic Association
Tags: SOUTH
PARKEric Cartman,Kyle Broflovski,more...

In the end the South Park kids get screwed over by EA Sports, a major corporation who makes hundreds of millions off of the "student-athletes" while the slaves get nothing. Chances of EA Sports suing South Park for slander after seeing this clip? I'm going to say 90%. Fucking lawyers.

Crack Baby Athletic Association
Tags: SOUTH
PARKEric Cartman,Kyle Broflovski,more...

Big ass hat tip to Trey Parker and Matt Stone for tackling the NCAA issues.


You can watch the full episode here.