23 DAYS AWAY!

HOOK EM HORNS!

FINALLY BACK
First off I want to apologize for the light posting the last couple of weeks. I was out of town in Washington,DC working my other job (no, I'm not the prostitute who used to fist David Vitter). "District of Crazy" people as I call it can only be taken in doses. More than two weeks in the summer up there and you will start to threaten people with a lawsuit over a cup of coffee because you thought it was 20 cents cheaper.

It's good to be back in the racially divided city of Atlanta. Kudos to ESPN for trying to bullshit people and bringing up the racism card in the case against Michael Vick. I have known ESPN was a shit network ever since they hired Mark May as one of their "experts" on college football but again they take the cake in that article. They need to stick with what they know: WNBA and auto racing.

So what can you, the loyal reader of this little website called Sportscrack, expect in the next few weeks leading up to my sports heaven which happens to be called College Football kickoff? Lots of college football articles, rants about Barry Bonds, and lots of curse words sprayed in there. Not for the faint of heart, but you guys already knew that.

So I end this post with these words of wisdom:
FUCK ESPN and Mark May.

CONGRATULATIONS BARRY BONDS


It couldn't happen to a bigger, self-serving, egotistical piece of steroid shit than you. Here's to you Mr. Crazy Asshole with a head the size of an Aaron Neville chocolate chip.

Oh yeah, if any of you reading this actually cheered Barry Bonds when he tied the record, you can all go:

WELCOME TO ATLANTA MARK TEIXERIA

As a former Severna Park, MD resident myself, I want to wish Teixeria the best of luck in Atlanta. Now go out, drive in some runs, bone some of Chipper's leftovers, and bring the Braves a World Series so I can cash in my $500 bet at the Barbary Coast.

RICKY "THE WILD THING" VAUGHN VS. ROY "THE NATURAL" HOBBS

Courtesy of BarStool Sports

I still think Jesus Christ couldn't hit the curve ball.

30 FUCKING DAYS

Courtesy of Fredo

NEW BANG CARTOON
Here is the latest, Bad Boys,from BangCartoons.com.

ONLY 32 MORE DAYS TILL COLLEGE FOOTBALL

THE NEW SERGEANT SLAUGHTER?


We all remember the fateful day when Sergeant Slaughter decided to switch his allegiances as a patriotic American and instead became an Iraqi sympathizer. I still get pissed even though I know it's fake. Well now we have PacMan Jones as our new bad guy.

He already has the perfect name and reputation. I'm thinking he makes his premeire dressed up a pimp with some ho's and making it rain with fake money.

CONGRATS TO CAL RIPKEN AND TONY GWYNN
Growing up as a huge fan of Cal Ripken and equally appreciative of Tony Gwynn and his contributions to the game, I think yesterday's introduction of both to the Hall is something the game of baseball needed. Both players carried themselves with class and dignity on and off the field and both are still highly involved with young impressionable kids teaching them the fundamentals of the game.
I consider myself lucky to have had a guy like Ripken to look up to as a role model. He was so much more than "The Streak" and he consistently showed up big in crucial situations. My hope is that one day, hopefully sooner rather than later, he can buy out Peter Angelos and take over the O's.
Again congrats to Ripken and Gwynn, both class players that played the game the right way and made positive headlines throughout their careers.

SO YOU ARE SAYING I HAVE A CHANCE
Erin Andrews, aka the only reason to not turn the channel when ESPN is on, offers us her favorite places in Atlanta to chill and enjoy a cold one with the ladies. I still can't believe she didn't mention the Sportscrack headquarters. I understand Erin, keep it down low.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GISELE BUNDCHEN
Today not only do you turn 27 but your boyfriend Tom Brady is expecting his first child from another woman, Bridget Moynahan, on this exact day! Why can't we all be so lucky? The long-legged Brazilian supermodel has been turning heads ever since I busted...err, I mean she busted upon the fashion world back in the 90's.

Here is a cheers, or shall we say Salud, to you Ms. Current Tom Brady's girlfriend until he knocks you up and dumps you for Jessica Biel lady!

ANOTHER BUCKEYE BUSTED
Okay, it's a former Buckeye named Jason Simmons who was arrested earlier this week for having sex with a 14 year old girl. Apparently Simmons played football in the early 90's with the Suckeyes, I can't seem to recall him playing...probably because I'm not an underage minor girl, at least that is what I tell myself.

What is up with these people with affiliations to "The" Ohio State University who either fondle themselves in libraries:

or get caught talking to Chris Hansen on "To Catch a Predator?"

It's just a matter of time till Sweatervest is caught. Because remember children, never trust a man in a sweatervest or a man affiliated with Ohio State. Getting a child close to a Buckeye is about as stupid as leaving your dog over with Michael Vick.

LIGHT POSTING TODAY
Sorry people, I'm closing on a house next Friday and dealing with a lot of paperwork and manual labor to insure the closing. I figured I would leave you something to watch, althought I wouldn't recommend watching it at work:
A LITTLE GINA GERSHON AND JENNIFER TILLY ACTION FROM BOUND

Hottest Scene Ever Jennifer Tilly & Gina Gershon - The funniest videos clips are here

42 days and 1 hour away

New Nike Air Zoom Vick V
Dog lovers and humanitarians rejoice, Michael Vick's new shoe has been put down.

At least for now, Nike has suspended the release of the puppy killer according to SI.com. This statement was released by Nike today:

Nike Co. "is concerned by the serious and highly disturbing allegations made against Michael Vick, and we consider any cruelty to animals inhumane and abhorrent. We do believe that Michael Vick should be afforded the same due process as any citizen; therefore, we have not terminated our relationship."

I feel so bad for Ookie. How is he going to be able to feed his dogs?

All joking aside I hope Ookie is not guilty of these awful crimes he has been accused of but if he is then I hope the fucker gets castrated by one of his pit bulls. Ask Siegfried and his leather chapped boy toy Roy Horn what it is like to feel the vengeance of an animal that doesn't want to play anymore.

EX-TERP STAR BAXTER GUILTY OF BEING A MORON
In another case which falls in the dumb athlete of the year award along the likes of Michael Vick, Pacman Jones, and Tank Johnson; former Maryland Terp basketball star Lonny Baxter plead guilty today to illegally shipping guns...through, get this...FEDEX!

How fucking stupid can you be to think it is okay to ship firearms using UPS or FedEx? To top it all off it's his second gun offense in less than a year. Baxter was last spotted near the White House firing off a weapon which got him arrested by the Secret Service and a sentence of two months in jail.

Either players are getting more dumb by the minute or the apocalypse is upon us. After watching the Cardinals win the World Series last year I'm going to say apocalypse.

"DICK IN A BOX" NOMINATED FOR AN EMMY

Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg's hilarious song on SNL has been nominated for Outstanding Original Music and Lyrics. Take a look inside:

43 DAYS AND COUNTING

Till we pull out of our summer hibernation and enjoy the best holiday of the year: College Football Saturdays in the fall.

Watch and learn he says:

Still the greatest call to ever end a game, to this day I still get the goosebumps when Joe Starkey screams "the band is on the field."

REDNECK TRASH BRITNEY SPEARS DAILY CROTCH SHOT



This picture was taken yesterday on the beach in Malibu. Yep, that is her moose knuckle, such a lovely mother of two.

How many of you would still hit it up with the trailer trash nutcase?