JOIN THE SPORTSCRACK COLLEGE FOOTBALL PICK EM LEAGUE
So you think you know a lot about college football and who will win the games every Saturday when the players aren't banging their tutors? Well then prove it by joining the first ever Sportscrack College Football Pick Em contest over at Yahoo Fantasy Sports.

The winner each week gets a free Sportscrack shirt of their choice. Whether you choose to wear it or use it as a spank cleanup towel is your perogative.

Simply click on the link here and then click on the SIGN UP NOW icon under college football pick em.

The User ID # is 27510
The Password is sportscrack

Join now, it's free for Jenna's sake...

BIG 12 FOOTBALL PREVIEW
The Big 12 has been crapped on the last few years because they have only had two consistent heavyweights: Texas and Oklahoma. But this year should be different with Nebraska, Missouri (yes, I said Missouri), Texas A&M, and even Oklahoma State all having the ability to be top 20 teams this season. So let's take a look with some predictions.

THE ELITE TEAMS:

TEXAS LONGHORNS-The Longhorns are still the class of the conference despite losing their last 2 conference games last season due in large part to an injury to Colt McCoy. The Real McCoy is back with a full bill of health and ready to sling it to WR Limas Sweed and Billy Pittman (both who happen to be injury prone this summer but should start). Tight end Jermichael Finley has the talent and should have a breakout season for the Horns. Jamaal Charles might be the fastest back in the nation and should have a huge junior season which could be his last in Austin if he decides to bolt for the NFL.

The Longhorns front 7 on defense has more talent than the pool at the Playboy Mansion. Defensive tackle Frank Okam is one of the best in the nation and will be a first round draft pick next season. The Longhorns had one of the worst pass defense last year and will have to replace their defensive coordinator in Gene Chizik(more on him later). Now it's up to Duane Akina to earn his promotion and get his defense to win some games for a change.

I don't care if TCU is everybody's darling pick for a BCS Bowl this season, Texas should beat them rather handidly in the second week. The decisive game as always is the Red River Shootout on October 6th. Whoever wins that game wins the Big 12. Looking at the teams right now, Texas should win.

OKLAHOMA SOONERS-Redshirt freshman Sam Bradford won the starting QB job and will have plenty of talent in the backfield to hand the ball off. RB Demarco Murray is another redshirt freshman who could be the best back in the conference (take a deep breath Longhorn fans...good) when all is said and done. WR Malcolm Kelly is a force with his height and skill and should have another big season. It's going to be interesting to see how Bradford breaks in especially with the Hurricanes coming in to Norman the second week of the season.

The Sooners have talent in the front 7 but lack game time experience. The strength should be the secondary with 3 returning starters. CB Reggie Smith has All-American potential. Coach Bob Stoops knows the season will make or break depending on how well the front 7 plays on defense and I think DT Gerald McCoy will step up his game and have a big season to alleviate some worries.

The schedule includes Miami, Missouri, Oklahoma State, and Texas A&M all coming to Norman. Not brutal by any means but I wouldn't be surprised if the Sooners lost at least one of those games. Of course the Red River Shootout will determine the South division's representation in the Big 12 Championship game.

THE CONTENDERS:
NEBRASKA CORNHUSKERS-Can Sam Keller lead this team? That will be the biggest question now as he has been named the starter after sitting out a year after transferring from Arizona State. Keller has skills but has never really had the
maturity (I know they are in college but some guys act older)to really lead a team. If he can take off his panties and put on his big boy pants and run Bill Callahan's bullshit West Coast offense good things could happen. RB Marlon Lucky is due to breakout if he can stay healthy. The receiving tandem of seniors Maurice Purify and Terrence Nunn have game breaking ability and should benefit by catching balls from Keller.

The Blackshirts defense is led by two outstanding linebackers in Corey McKeon and Bo Ruud. Losing Adam Carriker on the d-line is significant not only because he was a great player but because all 3 of his other linemen are also gone. A totally new front 4 will need to grow up fast if they want to compete for the Big 12 title.

The out of conference schedule includes early season matchups with ACC Champion Wake Forest on the road and USC at home. USC would absolutely beat the shit out of Nebraska if this game was being played two or three years ago, but it's not and Nebraska can hang with them. If they pull of the season's biggest upset it would catapult the Cornhuskers back to one of the nation's elite teams. It's a BIG if though.

MISSOURI TIGERS-I hate to put too much pressure on one player but I think QB Chase Daniel
will determine if the Tigers are legit or not. If he has a huge season and improves from last season and cuts down on the costly turnovers this Tigers team could win the Big 12. He has a lot of weapons to use including RB Tony Temple and the best tight end tandem of Martin Rucker and Chase Coffman.

The defense only returns 4 starters but their best player, LB Brock Christopher, is back and should again lead the team in tackles. The defense as a whole can bend a lot with Missouri's high octane offense but if they want to win a championship they are going to have to force some turnovers.

Missouri is going to start off 4-0 and everybody will be jumping on their bandwagon after what should all be blowout wins. The home game against Nebraska will make or break their season. If they win they are in the driver's seat to win the North division. Lose and they are playing catch up all season.

TEXAS A&M-The Aggies are my sleeper pick in the Big 12. I love watching QB Stephen McGee run an offense with huge FB Jorvorskie Lane and explosive TB Mike Goodson.
Their backfield is right up there with West Virginia in terms of running ability. Tight end Martellus Bennett is the best in the nation at his position and a serious deep threat with his size. Offensively the Aggies should score a ton of points but...

The defense needs to be more consistent. Ranked 44th overall last season, they got destroyed in the Holiday Bowl against Cal. The defensive line is one of the conference's best with Chris Harrington and Red Bryant back as starters. The linebackers are not extremely talented but have game experience. The defensive backfield is deep and talented with 3 returning starters.

The Aggies open up with 3 jokes at home but then travel to Miami to take on the Hurricanes. Win that game and it's not out of the realm of possibility the Aggies are 9-0 heading to Oklahoma in early November. With games against Missouri and Texas following to finish the regular season, it is imperative for the Aggies to win in Miami to have a legit chance as my sleeper pick. We will see.

OKLAHOMA STATE COWBOYS-WR Adarius Bowman
is a pimp dressed up in a cowboy uniform on Saturday afternoons. If they beat Georgia on Saturday I will break down their whole team and schedule including their likes in women. If they don't I wouldn't expect another mention of Oklahoma State from me except for Bowman the pimp.


FALLING BACK TEAMS:
TEXAS TECH RED RAIDERS-I don't trust anything that bleeds for 3 days and doesn't die. Yes the Red Raiders have a potent fun n gun, shoot em up and bang, whatever the fuck you want to call it offense. But they don't beat the big boys and more than likely won't again this season. Don't trust them. Nuff said.

KANSAS STATE WILDCATS-I love defensive end Ian Campbell but their QB Josh Freeman turns the ball over way too many times. Despite their impressive win against Texas last season, this is just an average team. Not great and not terrible. Take it for what it's worth.

KANSAS JAYHAWKS-Why do I need to explain anything when Mark Mangino can do it...


SHIT COVERED WITH CHOCOLATE TEAMS:
COLORADO BUFFALOES-This team lost to Montana State and Baylor in one season. I think you have to give up your man card if you lose to one of those teams, but two you might as well go Owen Wilson and cut your losses. Go play intramurals brother...


IOWA STATE CYCLONES-New coach Gene Chizik should have never taken this job. Never. Ever.

BAYLOR BEARS-They have by far the worst offensive players in the conference. And their defense sucks too.


BEST GAME:
Texas vs. Oklahoma in Dallas (October 6th)-The Red River shootout is so intense that some fans will rip your balls off if you piss them off and root for the other team. Always an entertaining battle, Oklahoma is looking for revenge for the past two blowout losses in Dallas.

WORST GAME:
Baylor at Buffalo (September 22nd)-The Bears vs. Bulls sounds like a matchup of "which team captured the heart of Chicago" back in the day. This matchup sounds like Rosie O'donnell getting finger blasted by an ox.

MOST OVERRATED GAME:
TCU at Texas (September 8th)-A lot of people have this penciled in as their upset game of the year. The Horned Frogs have a good team, don't get me wrong, but they are not in the Longhorn's class. Texas wins be at least 10 points.

BEST OFFENSIVE PLAYER:
Texas A&M runningback Mike Goodson wins a very tight battle over Texas' Colt McCoy and Jamaal Charles and Oklahoma State's Adarius Bowman. Any of these guys could have huge seasons.

BEST DEFENSIVE PLAYER:
Kansas State's defensive end/linebacker Ian Campbell is the best player in the Big 12 you haven't heard of. It should be interesting to see how he plays this season under the new 3-4 scheme.

BEST FRESHMAN:
If we were going with redshirt freshmen I would have picked Demarco Murray but I'm leaving this up to true freshmen who will make an impact this season. With that being said, Colorado OT Ryan Miller will see a ton of playing time for the Buffaloes.

MOST LIKELY TO GET ARRESTED:
Another Oklahoma fan will get piss drunk and rip the scrotum off of another Texas fan after they lose the Red River Shootout. Hopefully it will be the funbags on the left doing the tugging.

MOST LIKELY TO GET FIRED:
Guy Morriss at Baylor is most likely to get fired because he coaches BAYLOR. They are horrible every year and will have at least 10 losses this season.

PLAYER WHO WILL BE BETTER THAN WHAT PEOPLE THINK:Texas RB Jamaal Charles had a "down" year during his sophomore season but will explode for 1300 plus yards and quite possibly make a trip to NYC for some stupid trophy.

DOESN'T MAKE SENSE AWARD:
How Colorado became this bad so quickly. Following a 2 win season, Dan Hawkins is going to let his son quarterback the team. Seriously.

THE WINNER IS:
In what promises to be a tight game in the first half, Texas
pulls away from Nebraska in the second half to secure a trip to the Rose Bowl.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS AND NOTES

I know I badmouth ESPN all the time but I do like Pat Forde because he actually talks to the players and coaches and is reasonable with his opinions unlike Mark May.

Only 1 more day till we have college football kickoff...3 more days till I'm on my hillbilly heroin: cases of cheap beer and my blood shot devout eyes glued to the television watching 12 plus hours of college football guts and glory...yippey, kay,aye.

A LEPRECHAUN IN MOBILE, ALABAMA?

You would think this is some Dave Chappelle sketch but it isn't. Just some crazy people from Alabama. No wonder people from Alabama hate Notre Dame and claim they have 35 National Championships. They are scared of the Leprechaun!

Via Barstool Sports

OWEN WILSON TOOK HILLBILLY HEROIN?
The latest news on the apparent Owen Wilson suicide attempt is that he went on a three day drug binge of not only cocaine and heroin but he also mixed a cocktail of oxycontin and crystal meth known as "hillbilly heroin."

So basically he has taken more illegal stuff than Barry Bonds.

According to the pathetic skank drug queen known to the free world as Courtney Love, all of this is the fault of one man by the name of Steve Coogan. I have no clue who he is so don't bother asking.

Wait, did Love honestly say Wilson drug problem is some other guy's fault. Fucking Hollywood. Isn't Wilson a grown man who can make his own decisions?

My hope is that Wilson can make a comeback and destroy his inner demons. Being a recreational drug rat is no way to go through life especially when you can be banging hot models and actresses despite having a hockey nose that resembles a swollen prostate. Get well Owen, we need you back you old sailor you...

A BASEBALL JOKE
On a tour of Florida, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in the Popemobile when there was a frantic commotion just off shore. A helpless man, wearing a New York Yankees jersey, was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25-foot shark.

As the Pope watched, horrified, a speedboat came racing up with three men wearing Boston Red Sox jerseys aboard. One quickly fired a harpoon into the shark's side. The other two reached out and pulled the bleeding, semi-conscious Yankees fan from the water. Then using autographed Manny Ramirez baseball bats, the three Beantown heroes beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat.

Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions," he told them. "I heard that there was some bitter hatred between Red Sox and Yankee fans, but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not the truth."

As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies, "Who was that?"

"It was the Pope," one replied. "He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God's wisdom."

"Well," the harpooner said, "he may have access to God's wisdom, but he doesn't know squat about shark fishing…how's the bait holding up?"

–Jonathan S.
Wilmington, NC

JOIN THE SPORTSCRACK COLLEGE FOOTBALL PICK EM LEAGUE
So you think you know a lot about college football and who will win the games every Saturday when the players aren't banging their tutors? Well then prove it by joining the first ever Sportscrack College Football Pick Em contest over at Yahoo Fantasy Sports.

The winner each week gets a free Sportscrack shirt of their choice. Whether you choose to wear it or use it as a spank cleanup towel is your perogative.

Simply click on the link here and then click on the SIGN UP NOW icon under college football pick em.

The User ID # is 27510
The Password is sportscrack

Good luck. And I hope all your fantasies come true...

BLOG ROLL CALL
-DeepSouthSports says who gives a shit if Jerrell Powe can't read or write. This is the SEC folks, there ain't no reading or writing, just football.

-Buckeye Commentary reveals the official depth chart of the Ohio $tate Buckeyes.

-Erik Ainge is dinged up but he is a football player and some little finger injury isn't going to keep him away from singing that bastard child of Satan song called Rocky Top.

-Everydayshouldbesaturday explores the "art" of killing a cupcake.

-Tom Brady's baby is named after a JET and some douche presidential candidate. Apparently so according to Barstool Sports.

FREEMAN WINS HURRICANES QB JOB


Talk about a fall from prep football grace. Kyle Wright, who was suppose to be the next superstar QB for the Hurricanes, was beaten out by fourth-year junior Kirby Freeman for the starter's spot.

New coach Randy Shannon had this to say about the battle:
''Both of those guys worked well in the off season and did a lot of great things to try to win the job, but as a coach you have to make tough decisions. We felt like Kirby gives us the best opportunity to win games.''

The Hurricanes could have another rough season in 2007. The Canes always have a good defense and this year should be no different with guys like Calais Campbell and Kenny Phillips on that side of the ball. But where are the offensive play makers? WR Lance Leggett has been as big of a disappointment as Wright. The one decent player is sophomore RB Javarris James who finished with 802 yards rushing in his freshman campaign.

Looking at their schedule I see a blowout loss at Oklahoma on September 8th. The Sooners could completely embarrass the Hurricanes like Louisville did last season. The September 20th home game against Texas A&M is no gimme either. Looking at the schedule I see a 7-5 team with losses to Oklahoma, Texas A&M, Georgia Tech, Florida State, and Boston College.

This could be another disastrous season for the once mighty Co-Canes....

THIS JUST IN: WEIS DOESN'T CARE
I know everybody is on pins and needles to find out who the starting quarterback against Georgia Tech is but there is one thing the media needs to figure out for themselves about Charlie Weis.

He doesn't give a shit what you think about his team.

It's that simple. Despite the fact that SI's Stewart Mandel calls him arrogant because he won't tell the media who will get the starting snaps we need to all realize that Weis has been confident, or as some will call arrogant, in his ability to coach the Irish.

So stop comparing other schools like how Oklahoma, Florida State, and Miami handled their quarterback situation. It doesn't matter. Weis is the coach. Deal with it.

The only thing that matters is if the Irish win on Saturday. Don't take it personal when Weis doesn't smile at you and tell you all his gameplan for Georgia Tech.

Now let's play some fucking football.

WATCH OUT ASHLEY

This proves big girls can run. Running for a trip to some beautiful warm country not named Canada, Ashley looks as confused as Michael Vick on America's stance on dogfighting. One can only wonder if Vick and Ashley will meet in 3 years when Ookie is playing in the CFL.

Via WithLeather

RANDOM JOKE
A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home, the man informs his wife of his new purchase.
“Olympic condoms?”, she asks, “What makes them so special?”

“There are three colors,” he replies, “Gold, Silver and Bronze.”

“What color are you going to wear tonight?” she asks cheekily.

“Gold of course,” says the man proudly.

The wife responds, “Really, why don’t you wear Silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change.”

BRADY QUINN ADAPTING TO THE NFL LIFESTYLE
It was only a matter of time before Brady got his locks chopped. As part of rookie hazing, Brady got the military doo from some of his new Brown team mates. By the way Quinn is 20-of-31 for 236 yards with three touchdowns and no interceptions in 2 preseason games.

I haven't checked lately, but how is the great Jamarcus Russell(who can throw the ball 80 yards from his knees while going down on Todd McShay) doing in Oakland? Is Teddy Ginn and his family tearing it up in Miami? I'm just wondering because these guys were clearly better than Brady Quinn according to NFL scouts.

Should Brady Quinn be starting against the Steelers on September 9th? I wouldn't start a rookie QB in week 1 for any team, but I think Brady can handle the pressure after enduring 4 years as the starting QB at Notre Dame. Brady is a tough guy who took a ton of vicious hit while wearing the Blue and Gold and yet he always got up and never once complained.

That is what leaders do. Brady Quinn will be the leader of the Cleveland Brown's franchise for years to come. Whether or not he is the starter in Week 1 doesn't matter.

JOKE OF THE DAY

The Best Pub

A Scottish man, an Englishman and an Irishman were sitting in a pub discussing the best pubs around. The Englishman says, ''There's a pub in the West Midlands where the landlord buys you a drink for every that you buy.'' The Scot is not impressed and says, ''That's nothing! In the Highlands every time you buy a drink the landlord buys you five.'' At this point the Englishman is fairly impressed. The Irishman, totally unimpressed, says ''That's nothing. In Dublin there's this pub where the landlord buys your drinks all night, and then when the bar shuts he takes you into a room and makes love to you.'' The Scot and Englishman are well impressed and ask if the Irishman goes there a lot. He replies ''No, but my sister told me about it.''

RANDOM THOUGHT
I think Michael Vick going to the big house could turn into the best thing to happen to the Atlanta Falcons. Joey Harrington wants to lead this team and prove his worth in the NFL. Vick was never going to be a great QB or lead his team to a Super Bowl because of his lack of maturity, leadership, and efficiency as a passer.
Anybody that can come out of the NFL albatross known as the Detroit Lions who wants to prove his worth and is ready to be a leader has my vote over a guy who goes by the names of Ookie and Ron Mexico.
Maybe the Falcons franchise took a turn for the best with Vick getting incarcerated. What does the Sportscrack nation think?

NEW SHIRTS!
Get ready for the College Football season with some new, kick ass shirts from Sportscrack.com.

He is a pimp daddy with the sweetest ride, now get the shirt.


Supposedly Superman wears this underneath his leotard Florida fans.

Not only are they Crimi"noles" but they are way overrated.

MOODY FOLLOWS THE MONEY TO FLORIDA
"I followed my heart," said Moody, the Trojans' second-leading rusher last season. "It's when you get that feeling that you know something is right and you can't really describe."

Um, I'm going to call BS on this one. Florida tailbacks have averaged less carries per game than USC in the last 5 years so it can't be a better opportunity. I thought the Poodle used to be a shady guy, but now it is all Urban Cryer. First he whines his way into the BCS National Championship game, then he steals recruits from other schools, and now he gets starting tailbacks from USC to transfer to Florida. Nothing seems shady about that at all to me...


Let's hear it from Emmanuel himself what a great family man Cryer is...

AND YOU THOUGHT I WAS STUPID

Wow! I think we just found a new sideline reporter for CBS. This clip is from Saturday's Miss Teen USA pageant with the South Carolina contestant proving blondes do have more fun. I don't know which is more funny: her answer or AC Slater's look on his face after she delivers one of the most horrible answers known to mankind.

DREAM COME TRUE

I watched the whole Little League World Series game yesterday not because I like little boys but because I like to see ballplayers hustling and giving it their all (I'm looking at you Andruw Jones). Watching Dalton Carriker hit a walk-off game winning home run has got to be the pinnacle of his life. As soon as he hit it his face lit up like he saw he first live nipple the thought that came to my degenerate mind was "he is going to get so much ass tonight." Is that wrong? If you are 12 years old and you just became a national hero on national television wouldn't you expect just a little action. You know Carriker is never going to have a bigger moment in his life. He could come up with a cure for cancer but still people will remember him as the kid with braces who made Japanese kids cry.

All right, I'm going to try to stop acting like an asshole and say congratulations to the Warner Robins little league team. You made this Georgian baseball player proud the way you played the game and I don't think I've seen a better moment than immediately after the game when both teams were hugging each other. It takes a lot for me to get choked up but to see those young Japanese kids crying because they knew they would have to go home and take a lashing for their incompetence; and yet the big, proud Americans embraced them and showered them with hugs shows that this is the greatest, most powerful country in North America.

U-S-A bitches.

HAPPY 47TH CAL RIPKEN
A Hall of Famer on and off the field, Cal Ripken was my hero besides my parents when I was growing up. He played the game hard every day and played it at an All-Star level.

So in honor of Ripken here is a video: