BARACK OBAMA STRIKES THE HEISMAN POSE

It's fairly easy to get my vote when it comes to elections. Don't support any New York team, be a lover not hater of booze and the general principles that come along with them, and show some sort of admiration for College Football. Well, yesterday Barack Obama did his Heisman pose at the University of Texas which pretty much raps up the election for him. Once you do the pose it is 100% guarantee you will win, it's been scientifically proven by that no talent assclown named Desmond Howard.

And if you are still wondering if Hillary Clinton, aka Satan's daughter, has a chance at winning the Texas primary, well, this picture should pretty much set those dreams or nightmares to rest...

Obama is going to Hook 'Em.

HT: Deadspin

BEER OF THE WEEK

You know I've been running back and forth from South Florida to Atlanta these past couple of weeks while dealing Columbian bam bam and trying to get rid of this annoying crotch rash when I decided that nothing goes better with the aforementioned then a few pints of the cold frosty sweet nectar of God I call NewCastle Brown Ale. In fact I think I have downed at least 4 dozen of my favorite beer in the past 10-14 days alone. Sure I have mixed in some Bud Light or Miller Light here or there but I have been pretty much on a NewCastle kick. On the Fairchild Beer scale it gets an overwhelming 10. It is the unquestioned king of beers in my mind. Potential downfalls of drinking 12 packs like I do include bloating and a nice little Charlie Weis FUPA I seem to be developing.

Anyways, go out and drink at least one today after you buy a Mega Millions ticket with hopes of grandeur. And if you don't win the lottery don't sweat it, at least you enjoyed a great beer to finish off the work week.

But yeah, it will get you fat and unattractive which has never been a problem for me since I was born that way...

ANOTHER KIDD ON THE WAY

The picture above is of Hope Dworaczyk, a model(cheap lingerie one I'm guessing) who Dallas Maverick's point guard Jason Kidd has been banging for a while now. And by banging I mean sperminating the lovely lady according to the New York Post.

January 10, 2008 -- NEW Jersey Net Jason Kidd is having another kid. A year after his messy split from wife Joumana Kidd, sources told The Post's Hasani Gittens that Kidd's "model" girlfriend, Hope Dworaczyk, is expecting. "Hope, Jason and their parents all celebrated her pregnancy announcement at Sabor Latin Bistro in Edgewater Sunday night," said the insider. "Since Hope started showing, she has stopped sitting courtside."

See, it obviously must be true since the New York Post is such a genuine, truthful and honest publication. Never mind the obvious technical print mistake which claims Kidd is still a Net. This just goes to show you that no matter how ugly your mug may be you can win the affection of a model as long as you make millions and beat your baby mommas like Kidd has done for all these years.

Cheers to you Kidd. And yes, this will be my once a year NBA regular season post in case you were wondering.

JEFF FRANCOEUR WILL QUIT BASEBALL TONIGHT

Okay Braves fans, put down the tomahawk and don't get your panties in a bunch, but if star right fielder Jeff Francoeur wins the $270 million in the Mega Millions Jackpot tonight he will decide to trade in his baseball cleats for golf ones.

Braves outfielder JEFF FRANCOEUR, whose new wife Catie bought him a ticket last week, would "play golf the rest of my life."

And quit baseball?

"Quit baseball," he said Friday morning from Braves spring training camp in Florida. "Believe it."

You know, I have also daydreamed about what I would do if I had the winning lottery ticket. I'm sure I would give a lot of it to charity, something like the Michael Vick fund. Actually, the first thing on my list is to put a contract out on a certain owner residing in a brick warehouse in Baltimore. I don't want to know how it gets done or how messy it gets, I just want to know that it in fact happens for my well being and the millions of others who have suffered these tragic 10 years of horrific baseball.

And if they ever came after me I don't speaka no Englisha...


God I hope I win tonight.

2008 WORLD SERIES VEGAS ODDS

Sportsinteraction.com has their updated 2008 World Series Odds up and running now that the Orioles traded their ace in Erik Bedard and replaced him with Steve TrashCell. And no, that is not a typo. Here are the odds with some lazy incoherent comments from me:

BOSTON RED SOX AT 4.5 TO 1...Even with Curt Schilling down for more than likely the season with shoulder problems stemming from a bloody ego I still think they have to be the favorites because God loves Boston. The Patriots did win the SuperBowl right?

NEW YORK YANKEES AT 5.5 TO 1...The Yankees didn't improve an already old roster but I'm sure the Steinbrenners have some Cuban hot shot locked up in a cellar under Yankee Stadium ready to make his mark. Either that or some of Johnny Damon's weed.

DETROIT TIGERS AT 7 TO 1...Their lineup is filthy with Miguel Cabrera and Edgar Renteria added to an already potent batting order. Renteria could be batting eighth this year for heaven's sake. Tigers have a way better chance of winning with their lineup and pitching than the Yankees in my humble opinion.

NEW YORK METS AT 7.5 TO 1...The Mets shit the bed down the stretch last year but added Johan Santana who should at the very least contend for the Cy Young. If the pitching comes through they should be the favorites to win the NL East.

ANAHEIM ANGELS AT 10 TO 1...When Vladimir Guerrero learns to speak some English then we can talk about the Angels seriously contending for the World Series. Dude, amigo, ese, whatever, you have been over here for 15 years learn some fucking English homie.

CLEVELAND INDIANS AT 12 TO 1...Not that C.C Sabathia has won his Cy Young he is due to fall off the face of the year starting in 3, 2, 1...I would have liked to have seen the Indians add something in the outfield to help Grady Sizemore. The Tigers will be too tough for the Tribe.

CHICAGO CUBS AT 12 TO 1...Umm, yeah, so it's been a 100 years since the last time the Cubs won a World Series. Why not make it another 100 while we are at it? If they trade for Brian Roberts I like their lineup a lot but if they don't and keep Soriano in the leadoff role they will again be irrelevant.

LOS ANGELES DODGERS AT 14 TO 1...I hate to say it but I really like where the Dodgers are going right now. They picked up the booger picker to fill out the lineup card and added Andruw Jones to shag flies and hit long towering balls out of Chavez Ravine. They have a young, up and coming nucleus of Matt Kemp, James Loney, Russell Martin, Andre Ethier, Chin-Lung Hu(Hello O's, make a trade for this kid), Delwyn Young, and a shitload of young pitchers who should have them contending soon. The Dodgers are my sleeper pick this season.

PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES AT 14 TO 1...I like Philly's lineup a lot but I feel the opposite regarding their starting pitching and relievers. Cole Hamels is a stud but other than him they really don't have a lot. Kyle Kendrick will be a good one but Adam Eaton, Jamie Moyer, and Brett Myers are average to what the hell is that smell starters these days. Ryan Howard should be a happy man now that he got his 10 million in arbitration but I wonder if his contract issues will become a distraction this season.

ARIZONA D'BACKS AT 20 TO 1...Webb and Haren at the top of the rotation might be the best in the NL. If Randy Johnson can come back, a big if, the D'Backs are more legit contenders than the Mets in my opinion. Like the Dodgers they have a ton of up and coming stars on the rise and don't be surprised if Justin Upton has a huge year in right field. I would have no problem throwing money on this team this season especially at these long odds.

COLORADO ROCKIES AT 20 TO 1...How did Troy Tulowitzki not win the ROY? The guy was amazing all season, played an incredible shortstop and yet Ryan Braun takes the award despite looking like Stevie Wonder trying to field balls at third. The Rockies were a Cinderella team in 2007 going an incredible 14-1 down the stretch to squeeze into the playoffs and eventually get smacked by the Sox in the World Series. I think the Dodgers and D'Backs are going to be too tough this season in their own division.

SEATTLE MARINERS AT 25 TO 1...Erik Bedard and Felix Hernandez are going to be an excellent starting tandem in the AL West. They should clean up against the A's and Rangers but the Mariners don't have enough talent to compete with the Red Sox, Yankees, Tigers, Angels, Indians of the American League. Plus Ichiro thinks his corner outfielders suck.

TORONTO BLUE JAYS AT 25 TO 1...If the Blue Jays decide to add Barry Bonds then they have a chance at competing. I'm actually being serious. I hate the fucking guy but he could really help out Toronto this season. They just don't have enough to compete with the Sox or Yankees at this point even with a healthy Roy Halladay and AJ Burnett.

ST. LOUIS CARDINALS AT 28 TO 1...Besides Albert Pujols the Cardinals have a bunch of question marks and even Pujols could become one with his elbow problems. The Cardinals need to rebuild badly and need to unload some dead weight this season while letting young guys like Colby Rasmus learn the game at the big league level. They have absolutely no chance of competing this year.

SAN DIEGO PADRES AT 28 TO 1...The Padres will have the pitching which should keep them competitive for the most part this season. But an outfield of Jim Edmonds, Brian Giles, and Scott Hairston has to be one of the worst in the major leagues. Their division is too tough but with Chris Young and Jake Peavy at the top of the rotation you never know.

MILWAUKEE BREWERS AT 33 TO 1...I look at the Brewers lineup and I see a competitive if not a very talented team in 2008. It's time for a guy like Rickie Weeks to step up his game like Prince Fielder and J.J. Hardy did last season. This team could surprise people especially playing in a horrible division but relying on Ben Sheets to finish out a season is like waiting for Britney Spears at a custody hearing.

ATLANTA BRAVES AT 33 TO 1...Man, how the mighty have fallen. The Braves seem to be a team with no direction right now. Last season they traded their farm system to get Mark Teixeira(even though he won't resign with Atlanta) but then traded away one of their best players in Edgar Renteria, let Andruw Jones walk away without a clear plan to feel his void, and then brought in an aging Tom Glavine even though they needed somebody much better at this stage if they want to compete. I expect a huge season from Jeff Francoeur(MVP numbers) but I don't think it will be enough to compete with the Mets or Phillies.

CHICAGO WHITE SOX AT 33 TO 1...I really like the additions of Carlos Quentin and Nick Swisher to the outfield along with getting a real good shortstop in Orland Cabrera. The bullpen needed to be upgraded and it was with Scott Linebrink and Octavio Dotel now pitching on the South Side. Ozzie Guillen has worked magic before and it would not be an entirely wasted 10 bucks to throw on this team at this time.

HOUSTON ASTROS AT 40 TO 1...Miguel Tejada was a good addition and a definite upgrade over Adam Everett. The Astros have a good lineup and should be able to score a lot of runs. In the NL Central they can compete for the division but not for a World Series this year.

MINNESOTA TWINS AT 40 TO 1...Their chances left as soon as Johan Santana put on a Met's uniform. They should have gotten a lot more for him or just kept him and tried to compete this year in my opinion.

OAKLAND A'S AT 50 TO 1...Billy Beane says they are rebuilding and I believe him. They have no chance whatsoever of competing this year or perhaps next year.

TEXAS RANGERS AT 50 TO 1...The Rangers always seem like a team without a clear plan. If they want to compete in the future they need to unload guys like Kevin Millwood and Michael Young during the season and pick up some good if not elite prospects. They have no chance of competing this year or next.

CINCINNATI REDS AT 66 TO 1...As I have said before the NL Central is up for grabs. The Reds do have some up and coming players with Jay Bruce, Joey Votto, Homer Bailey, and Johnny Cueto all ready to make contributions this season. They might as well trade Griffey if he is healthy and hitting and get something in return for the future. No chance of a World Series but a chance to compete in the NL Central.

SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS AT 75 TO 1...The Giants are going to be very, very bad ball club this season playing in the best division in baseball.

WASHINGTON NATIONALS AT 100 TO 1...Wait a second, when did Washington get a team?

FLORIDA MARLINS AT 100 TO 1...They are either rebuilding or winning a World Series. No in between. This year they are obviously rebuilding.

PITTSBURGH PIRATES AT 150 TO 1...This team again looks like complete shit on paper.

KANSAS CITY ROYALS AT 150 TO 1...They are going to win the World Series...in the year 2054 as the Carolina Bulls.

TAMPA BAY RAYS AT 200 TO 1...The Rays are not going to be this bad this season. In fact I could see them competing and staying around .500 ball all season. They have so much elite young talent that it eventually needs to start winning games. This season should be the start.

BALTIMORE ORIOLES AT 200 TO 1...Obviously they are rebuilding 10 years too late but at least they have a future nucleus in place with studs such as Nick Markakis, Adam Jones, Matt Wieters, and Billy Rowell ready to contribute and star for the next 5-10 years. The only thing the O's will be competing for this season is the #1 pick in the draft.

TOSKALA WITH THE ENORMOUS..UMM, OKAY

I found this little gem of a hockey highlight over at AwfulAnnouncing. It comes from the Toronto Maple Leafs game against the Columbus Blue Jackets a couple of nights ago in which Toronto's goalie Vesa Toskala makes a great save but apparently the announcer Don Taylor has something a little more veiny on his mind...

Unless Peter North or Ron Jeremy stepped into the booth I have no earthly idea why Taylor would be so interested in another man's privates. I'm sure years of counseling should have helped debunked his fascination with dicks but in Taylor's case it can come up at the worst time. In fact I rooted up a video of Taylor in elementary school, only back then he had a Jew fro....

ICHIRO ISN'T A KANSAS CITY FAN

I'm a huge baseball fan and yet I've never had the chance to watch the great Ichiro play in person. But that will change this season as the Mariners make a trip to Turner Field in June for a 3 game weekend set. I still have my fingers crossed of seeing a Bedard vs. Smoltz matchup or even a King Felix vs. Tim Hudson game. But anyways, the real point of going is to see Ichiro roam centerfield in sticky Hotlanta. The fucking guy can do it all and is the true definition of a "five tool player." That and the all you can eat and drink beer specials they have at Turner Field. I really can't wait to see how many beers I consume with my buds in order to justify paying $60 for beer and food. The all you can consume special might be the best deal in all of sports. Hell, in New York City $60 bucks gets you a dog, fries, a punch in the gut, people ignoring you as you wallow in pain and perhaps an eight ounce beer.

I hate to see what Ichiro thinks of Atlanta after playing in the robust humidity of June after watching this comment he made to Bob Costas about the lovely Kansas City...

"Hotter than two rats in a fucking wool sock." I really love Ichiro.

NICK MARKAKIS IS A HONEY BEAR

Okay, I will be the first to admit I have a serious man crush on Baltimore Orioles right fielder Nick Markakis because as we all know Cal Ripken isn't coming out of that dugout anymore. But I can't wait to see newly acquired Adam Jones batting in front of Nick the Stick in the future. The motto for Orioles baseball this year is "This is Birdland" when in fact it should be "This is what ten years too late of rebuilding can do for you." At least the Orioles finally have a plan now with new GM Andy MacPhail.

And yes, Markakis is a honey bear with big fucking paws who will kill Yankees, Red Sox, Blue Jays, and even Rays for years to come.

FRANK THOMAS PILLOW FIGHTS

The Big Hurt is a sure fire first ballot Hall of Famer and one of only a few guys who we suspect never took steroids or HGH(shit, if Thomas did roids he would have hit 70 plus HR's a year with his eye and swing). But I tell you what, you do not mess with the Big Hurt when it comes to pillow fighting.

When it comes to filming a pillow biting commercial I'm sure "pals" Roger Clemens and Andy Pettitte will get first dibs.

ACC BASKETBALL CAN BE BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH

Or make it Maryland Terps basketball for that matter. Not only did the Terrapins blow a big second half lead against the Virginia Tech Hokies at home, a game they desperately needed to win to secure a NCAA Tourney Berth, but they also forced Hokies guard Dorenzo Hudson into vomiting macaroni and Gatorade all over the free throw line.

The Sporting Blog managed to find the video. No truth to the rumor Hudson lost his lunch when hearing about Gary Williams graduation rate at Maryland which has been extremely putrid since 1997.

ST LOUIS CARDINAL FANS LOVE THE KIDS

Those St. Louis Cardinal fans sure are a classy bunch. As much ass-kissing and self-fellating the whole Cardinal nation wants to give itself every year by saying "We are the best baseball fans in the world" we counter it by offering up videos as the one above demonstrates that they are no better than New York or even Philly fans. In fact the only other difference between those fan bases besides the Midwestern accent is the enormous amounts of mullets and camouflage that is on display every home game in Busch Stadium. And since St. Louis is basically in the middle of the country with nothing else around it besides manure and a cool looking arch it has a tendency to attract all forms of rednecks from around the likes of Indiana, Kentucky, Iowa, and the mecca of Arkansas. Trust me, I've been to St. Louis and I do think it is a great baseball city. But like all cities with a loyal fan base you have the same jerk offs who cuss at kids because they got in the way of videotaping Albert Pujols.

Here are some pictures from JoeSportsfan.com of the lovely Cardinal fans...












Sorry, I tried to find some pictures of some hot St. Louis poon but understandably they don't attend baseball games in Busch Stadium with this collection of handsome lookers on display every home game. But at least they are a classy bunch up there.

Tom Cruise is a Cock-Block 2

PUNK'D BY BRETT MYERS

Early word on the street is Phillies pitcher Brett Myers tried to pull this prank on his wife but it involved a solid punch to her chops after the punking and the media didn't find it very funny. But when it involves fellow teammate and pitcher Kyle Kendrick being traded to Japan..well, it's a little funnier than wife beating...

Video HT: WithLeather via CrashburnAlley

SORRY EVERYBODY

I've been out of town for the past two weeks sweating my balls off in South Florida working a tennis tournament and haven't had much of a chance to get on the computer. So the light posting is going to stop for at least the next few weeks as I dive into this upcoming baseball season and even some NCAA hoop talk as we get near March Madness.

I still can't get over this dunk by Gerald Green even though I have no clue who he is but this dunk should go down in history...

SI SWIMSUIT ISSUE RELEASED

I know I'm a day late but I figured what the hell, we might as well talk about the release of the SI Swimsuit Issue. Seriously, does anybody really buy this crap anymore now that internet porn has been around for over a decade? What is the point? Of course I used to use my fair time studying the articles back in middle school but I really don't remember looking into it much once I hit high school. It was all Playboys and SheMales over 50 by then. I'm kidding of course...it was SheMales over 40. Anyways, to feel like I'm reaching out to my audience in some way other than making drunk comments or laughing while I fart I figured I would show this clip from Late Night with David Letterman. Marissa Miller was on to show off her "assets" and let us know she is the new covergirl. In other words she does a lot of blow and makes herself vomit as soon as the thought of a cheeseburger creeps into her hollow brain...

FURTHER PROOF CLEMENS CAN'T TALK RIGHT

After listening to today's congressional hearing involving some douche, another douche, and a whole congregation of elected douches, it became painfully clear Roger Clemens is the biggest douche. And to prove his English is worse than my talk of douche I submit this clip of Rocket and his "best" friend Andy Pettitte making a commercial after they poked each other in the ass with needles and floppys...

Roger might have misremembered this commercial because of the lidocaine and B-12 shots he took before shooting.

ESPN FORCES YOUTUBE TO REMOVE BERMAN VIDEOS

But never fear, Deadspin has all the videos in their glorious unedited form right here. ESPN also released a statement regarding Berman:

The off air videos are now nearly a decade old and do not reflect his typical workplace demeanor, his relationships with co-workers, nor the contributions he has made to ESPN over many years. Chris has a tremendous connection with sports fans and his body of work should not be judged by a few minutes of unguarded language uttered years ago. We aren't excusing the language used and will be emphasizing to our workforce the importance of using appropriate language in the workplace.

See people, his typical workplace demeanor is total douchebag but these videos clearly shows he thinks he is a funny douchebag. So takes these videos for what they are worth: Gold Jerry, Gold!

ROGER CLEMENS REPUTATION ON THE LINE

Since Roger Clemens is a pretty big star it should be interesting to see how hard he falls today. 95% of Americans believe Clemens is lying about never using HGH and/or steroids. This could have all been avoided if Clemens just admitted something like this: "Yeah, I messed up and took the stuff." But no, Clemens with his enormous ego rivaling Barry Bonds has now put himself in a situation for which he could go to jail. Real jail where men become women if you catch my drift. So if you have a chance today watch the congressional hearing and feel free to comment about what you think should happen to Brian McNamee or Roger Clemens in regards to the findings.

CHRIS BERMAN DOESN'T LIKE AL MICHAELS

And so now we have reached the final(hopefully for the love of God not)video of Chris Berman acting like the jackass we always knew he was. I don't think Berman enjoys Al Michaels company too much. Maybe this is the reason why Michaels left ABC after all those years...

ATLANTA HAWKS ROOKIES VICTIMIZED

I know this is tame to what I would have done, which is put a couple of dead hookers in their hotel room and called it the "Dennis Rodman's Rules Night" to see which rookie could get rid of the body the quickest, but when you suck as bad as the Atlanta Hawks at basketball you do stuff like this...

The first blow was struck by the veterans, who deposited 14 large bags of popcorn into the cars of unsuspecting rookies Acie Law IV and Mario West during practice Monday - rookie center Al Horford was out of the country tending to a personal matter and did not attend practice.

The rookies were caught off guard, though West discovered he had been hit first and text messaged Law from the popcorn-splattered player parking lot to warn him that were the victims of well-planned sneak attack.

But not even advance warning was enough to calm Law, who vowed to get revenge on his veteran teammates.

Popcorn? You have to be fucking kidding me? At least sprinkle some crack on the shit and make it a good joke. Or maybe get the panties of the wife of the head coach and put a love note addressed to them in their locker. Nevermind. You can't pull off a better practical joke than getting drafted by the worst franchise in the NBA. Anything else is tame in measure.