SportsCrack Blog

Friday, May 17, 2013

Johnny Manziel Reenacts Famous Bama Play With First Pitch in San Diego



I think it goes without saying that Johnny Football is living the high life.  The Heisman winning QB got to take batting practice yesterday at PetCo Park before doing an impressive impression of his famous Alabama play.  Mark Kotsay caught the ball behind his back but that isn't even the story.  Kotsay still plays ball?  I thought he retired years ago.

By the way the Heisman patch on the right arm is a little over the top right?  We get it you won the Heisman.  Maybe it's an automatic panty dropper patch.  That must be it.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Russian Youth League Hockey Fight Now Has Over 400k Views



Vitali and Sasha would be so disappointed in these kids.  You rip off the helmets first before you punch kids.  It's basic fighting 101.

An Epic Catfight at Steeplechase



This is what happens when rich white kids have too much to drink.  They get smacked around in their loafers and tucked in pink shirts.  Thugs.

I might have to attend Steeplechase one of these days.  I just can't imagine dressing up like these assholes.  This isn't a board meeting you fucking losers.  It's a horse race with tailgating.  Unless you actually own one of the horses there is no reason to be dressed like Patrick Bateman.

PS-Nice pantyless shot by the girl in white who went down quickly.

Double PS-The Blonde in pink is one of those angry drunk chicks who starts crying and bitching about her life after two glasses of wine.  Just do yourself a favor and shut it.

Bryce Harper vs Dodger's Outfield Wall



The wall always wins.  I'm not sure why Bryce Harper ran into the wall so directly with his face.  The warning track is there for a reason.  To give you a fucking warning that a metal wall is right in your face.  Harper could be seen asking if he made the play.  Not exactly Bryce.  The Nationals would go on to win the game 6-2 and Bryce will be ok.  His dignity not so much.

Monday, May 06, 2013

Ever wonder what a pitcher's elbow looks like in slow motion? Yeah...it's gross


Mommy make it stop!

The Ray's Joel Peralta's elbow is not suppose to look like Kevin Ware's busted ass leg but it does.  Just think how uncomfortable Tommy John is right now looking at this while he fiddles with his soft scar.

Via Rays Index

Saturday Night Live's Michael Jordan's Wedding Sketch Was Saved By Dikembe Mutombo's Finger Wag



You can't go wrong with a Dikembe Mutombo finger wag.  Otherwise this was just another pitiful SNL attempt at humor.  Why is the Good Burger kid on there?   Has he ever been remotely funny?

Sunday, May 05, 2013

New Irish Chocolate T-Shirts


We are taking pre-orders now on the brand new IRISH CHOCOLATE AND THE SACK FACTORY T-Shirt.  Comes in two colors: Irish Green and Dark Chocolate.  These tagless tees are 50% cotton / 50% polyester to give it a soft vintage feel.  Comes in adult sizes Small-3XL.  If you would like a different size not available please email us and we will do our best to meet your needs.

Shipping starts this week so get your orders in quickly.  This will be a limited edition shirt and once they sell out that is it.



It Was That Time Of The Month For Umpire John Hirschbeck, Throws Out Bryce Harper Because He Disagrees With His Shitty Umpiring



Good lord.  Can you be anymore of a pussy there John Hirschbeck?  So what if Bryce Harper disagreed with your bullshit check swing call.  You don't throw the guy out of the game.  Some of these umpires need to realize that people don't come out and pay good money to watch their fat asses throw out star players for shit like this.  If anybody needs to be investigated by Major League Baseball for game fixing it's Hirschbeck.  I'm going to say he had big money on the under and/or Pittsburgh Pirates winning and figured the best way to win his bet was by throwing out Bryce in the first inning.  Clown move bro!

In my opinion Hirschbeck needs to serve an unpaid suspension for this.  I'm not saying the ballplayers should have free reign to shit all over the umpires but to throw out somebody for simply arguing that it was a bad call is not a good reason for an ejection.

What do you think?


Video via TheBigLead

Thursday, May 02, 2013

Celtics Scrub Jordan Crawford Told Carmelo After The Game: "Dat Muhfucka Fucked Yo Wife!"



Classy HoneyNut Cheerios move by Jordan Crawford.  I got $100 that says Melo snaps out of his funk and goes off on the Celtics in Game 6.  You don't talk about someone's wife like that.  Even if she does taste like HoneyNut Cheerios which are delicious by the way.

I Miss Hockey



This Stanley Cup Playoff promo video brought back a flood of memories.  There is no better team sport to watch in person than hockey.  It's electric.  There is no taking plays off like baseball players do running down the first base line.  It's pure grit and determination to get the ultimate prize: Lord Stanley's Cup.  When the Atlanta Thrashers moved to Winnipeg because of their dipshit owners and GM I gave up on hockey.  I was too pissed off and hurt to even bother watching it anymore.  But now after seeing this video it makes me want to watch again despite not having a team allegiance.  I got to pick a team to root for though so with my Maryland roots I'm going for the Washington Capitals, the former hated Southeast division rivals of the Thrashers.  I've always liked watching Alex Ovechkin.  The guy has a personality to match his enormous talent.  Plus he fucking loves to mess with Sidney Crosby so that is cool.  Go Caps!

Wednesday, May 01, 2013

NBA Player Jason Collins Is Gay And Can Still Bang With Shaq According To Obama



In all seriousness congratulations to Jason Collins for coming out of the closet.  Not because he is a hero or anything but because of his timing we weren't succumbed to constant talk about some other closeted third-string quarterback in New York who was released the same day.  Thank you Jason Collins.

New Atlanta Falcons Stadium Looks Insane



I will be the first to admit I wasn't on board at all with building a new stadium for the Atlanta Falcons.  I've always thought the Georgia Dome was a great place to watch a football game especially when it gets cold in December and January.  Call me a pussy but the last thing I want to do is freeze my ass off while shaking uncontrollably while trying to enjoy a sip of a beer.

But now after seeing these designs I say fuck the 20-year-old Georgia Dome.  I want my impact rumble seats!  I want to know what it feels like to be Michael J. Fox watching a football game while drinking $15 beer to pay for the cost of the stadium.  Do they massage you as well?  They sure as hell better!



I also want a blimp above the new stadium so every time they open up the roof it looks like a giant asshole releasing a heavenly fart of NFL goodness.  I mean after all if we are going to ignore our horrible schools, roads, traffic and infrastructure in metro Atlanta for a shiny new stadium toy I want it to represent something bigger.  It just makes sense.  Right Tommy Boy?

Monday, April 29, 2013

Frank Caliendo's Mel Kiper Impersonation




"TODD, TODD, TODD, TODD, TODD, TODD!"

Thursday, April 25, 2013

The Best Yu Darvish Gif


Just when you think the hitters have caught up to the pitching Texas Rangers starter Yu Darvish breaks out 5 pitches.  Yu Nasty!

Via BigLeadSports

2013 NFL Mock Draft



This is just for shits and giggles. Plus I wanted to see how my mock NFL Draft would compare to Mel Kiper and Todd McShay when all is said and done tonight.

1. Kansas City - Eric Fisher. Everybody has the Chiefs taking Luke Joeckel so I'm going with a mild upset pick here in Fisher. Both of them graded out the same according to scouts and I've heard head coach Andy Reid wants Fisher more than Joeckel. We will see. 2.

2.  Jacksonville - Luke Joeckel.  The Jags will go with the future left tackle only because KC didn't take him.

3.  Oakland - Sharrif Floyd.  Oakland would love to get their hands on either one of Fisher or Joeckel but since they are gone they go with the defensive tackle from Florida.

4.  Philadelphia - Geno Smith.  The Eagles need a QB in the worst way.  Geno appears to be the best guy in a horrible QB draft class.

5.  Detroit - Lane Johnson.  Gotta protect Matthew Stafford.

6.  Cleveland - Dion Jordan.  Overrated in my opinion he should be a great fit in Cleveland for that god awful franchise.

7.  Arizona - Star Lotulelei.  This is the one guy in this draft who is a can't miss prospect if he stays healthy.  Star is a dominant force and is a great pick for the Cardinals.

8.  Buffalo - Matt Barkley.  Even though I don't think Barkley is a first round talent I can see Buffalo taking him.  Mark Sanchez 2.0.

9.  New York Jets - Ezekiel Ansah.  He had a great Senior Bowl performance and has shot out of nowhere to get drafted top 10.  I'm sure the boo's will be loud and plenty with this pick.

10.  Tennessee - Dee Milliner.  Once considered a top 5 lock Milliner slides down to the Titans because of the 5 surgeries he has already had.  This pick has bust written all over it.

11.  San Diego - Jarvis Jones.  SacMan Jones reminds me a little bit of Shawne Merriman.

12.  Miami - Jonathan Cooper.  The Dolphins need inside blocking help and Cooper seems to be the best available.

13.  New York Jets - Tyler Eifert.  Eifert is the best tight end to enter the draft in a couple of seasons.  The only question is who will be throwing it to him?

14.  Carolina Panthers - Tavon Austin.  Just a gut feeling the Panthers make a risky pick here to get someone for Cam to throw it to.

15.  New Orleans - Barkevious Mingo.  The Saints need a DE for their new 3-4 defense.  The local product should be a fan favorite.

16.  St. Louis - D. J. Fluker.  Gotta protect Sam Bradford.  They could also go Chance Warmack here.

17.  Pittsburgh - Kenny Vaccaro.  Vaccaro will eventually replace the hair guy in the secondary.

18.  Dallas - Chance Warmack.  The Cowboys offensive line is in shambles.

19.  New York Giants - Xavier Rhodes.  The Giants need corners in the worst way.  Rhodes is the best one in this class in my opinion.

20.  Chicago - Alec Ogletree.  Ogletree has many off the field issues but his talent outweighs it.  He should be a great fit in Chicago.

21.  Cincinnati - Eric Reid.  They should take Matt Elam with this pick but from all indications the Bengals staff loves Reid.

22.  St. Louis - Sheldon Richardson.  Big time steal here for the Rams with Richardson who should start right away.

23.  Minnesota - Ryan Nassib.   I know this pick makes little sense but does anybody honestly think Christian Ponder is the answer in Minnesota?  The Vikings go out on a limb again and pick a QB.

24.  Indianapolis - Datone Jones.  The Colts need defensive line help and Jones appears to be the best one left on the board.



25.  Minnesota - Manti Te'o.  Pretty much everybody has the Vikings taking Te'o here and I agree with it.  Te'o will be a great fit in Minnesota with a locker room already filled with Golden Domers.

26.  Green Bay - Tank Carradine.  The Packers need to get younger on the defensive line.  Tank should  work out just fine.

27.  Houston - DeAndre Hopkins.  The Texans should take Robert Woods here but instead go with Hopkins.

28.  Denver - Sylvester Williams.  The best defensive lineman available and the Broncos lost Elvis Dumervil so this kind of makes sense.

29.  New England - Desmond Trufant.  The Patriots are old in the secondary and Trufant should start right away at the very least in nickel coverage.

30.  Atlanta - Jamar Taylor.  If the Falcons don't trade up to get either one of Rhodes or Milliner at CB then they settle for one of either Trufant and Taylor at #30 pick.

31.  San Francisco - Bjoern Werner.  The 49ers add some depth to the defensive line with an underrated beast.

31.  Baltimore - Matt Elam.  The biggest steal of the first round goes to the Ravens with Ed Reed's replacement in Matt Elam.  Elam is a ball hawk who should turn into a star defender for the Super Bowl Champs.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Evan Gattis Mashes Homer In Front of Friends Dressed In White Bear Costumes



The legend continues to grow faster than an El Oso Blanco swing. And now Evan Gattis has his own fan club dressed up in white bear costumes. Viva El Oso Blanco!

Lie Witness News - Coachella 2013



As a noted Notre Dame fan I really have my fingers crossed that Regis and the Philbins will be coming to Atlanta for Music Midtown. This has to happen so I can hang out with my fellow hipsters and talk about stupid shit that nobody cares about.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Nate Gioacchini Destroys Terrorist Dzhokhar Tsarnaev



Yeah I know it's high school wrestling but who gives a shit. It's another dominating American performance vs terrorism. This is just further proof you don't mess with the US of A. Poor little terrorist almost got skunked losing 15-3 to Nate Gioacchini at a Mass high school invitational back in 2009. America! Fuck Yeah!

Monday, April 22, 2013

North Dakota Sports Anchor A.J Clemente Starts Off His Career Right With Some Profanities



Good job kid. There is nothing more satisfying than starting off your broadcasting career in front of say 400-500 live North Dakotans watching with a "FUCKING SHIT!" comment before completely shitting the bed. I feel worse for Van Tieu. She looked like she just walked into her parent's bedroom on a late Saturday night. Pure fright in those little eyes. The good news for A.J Clemente is it can not get any worse. He was suspended for the cursing on his first day of work. All uphill from here buddy. Plus he graduated from West Virginia University and is used to being from the east coast so he has that going for him.

David Ortiz Eloquently Proclaims "This Is Our Fucking City!" To The Fenway Faithful



Words of poet I tell you. Big Papi didn't beat around the bush Saturday afternoon when addressing the Fenway Park crowd after a tumultuous 5 days in Boston. "This Is Our Fucking City!" will go down in history as one of the most iconic sayings in Boston history. And before all you jackwagons start screaming "Big Papi isn't even from America!" it doesn't matter. The guy got his American citizenship along with his steroids right here. God bless him.