SportsCrack Blog

Monday, January 03, 2011


Taking a cue from the Trojan's department on "how to demolish an elite football program" it appears the University of Florida has decided to not only go with a first time head coach in Will Muschamp (Ron Zook worked out well the first time) but now they have hired the ultimate arrogant asshole in Charlie Weis. No worries Gator fans since along with his healthy appetite and perfect SAT score he brings his "decided schematic advantage." So SEC fans and foes you better get your laughs in now because Weis will have the Gators offense rolling with fade passes into the endzone in no time.

Here is what the Gators get with Charlie Weis:

1) A target for ridicule
2) Charlie Weis Jr. (apparently this is the reason why Sr. took the job, to help get his son into Florida and coaching, sounds like BS)
3) John Brantley will now emerge from his season of god awful shittiness and be a Heisman contender who gets sucker punched in bars. Mel Kiper will also tell us Brantley is the second coming of Tom Brady only to see the guy fall flat on his face on Draft Day.
4) Piccadily and Ryan's Steakhouse stock just went up two fold in Gainesville.
5) An offense that besides 2007 when it reached the depths of unholy hell will be scoring at least 30 points a game.
6) No drive sustaining running game of any kind.

Listen I'm probably one of the few people who actually liked Charlie Weis. Sure he is not a joy to look at and his bull shit bravado talk can get unnerving especially when Notre Dame was getting smacked around by the likes of Syracuse and Navy but I always felt he tried his hardest to succeed while he was the head coach. The same couldn't be said for Davie and Willingham. The big guy will be the first one to the office and the last to leave. He will give everything he can to Florida in order for them to get blown out in a bowl game. I feel the same way I did three years ago when Michigan hired Rich Rodriguez. It just doesn't fit. Weis and Florida are polar opposites. The man is going to need an air conditioned golf cart just to survive Gainesville.

No worries though Florida football players. With Weis you also get a packaged extra helping of Bruce Springstein and Jon Bon Jovi blaring over your PA system as you practice every single day. Because it's all about you the kids and not what the big guy likes to jerk off to.

When I first heard the news "Weis to Florida" all I could do is shake my head and wonder why he would take a demotion and leave the NFL once again. Now all I can do is laugh. Florida is stuck with him. Awesome.

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