Stephen Garcia is The Most Interesting Man In Columbia

LeatherHelmetBlog via OnlyinAmerica

Preseason SportsCrack.com College Football Top 25

I know you have been waiting all year for it. You clamor for it. You spend unless nights awake just thinking about it. But now the long wait is over. Here it is folks. The long awaited SportsCrack.com College Football Top 25 Preseason Poll. It's right up there with losing your virginity. Once you see this poll you will never forget where you were. All though I'm positive the girl has blocked it out with years of therapy.

25. Miami-I'll be the first to admit I probably have Da U overrated. This team could go one of two ways. They could either be really good and start off the season 2-0 with wins over Maryland and Ohio State. Or this team could completely tank under first year head coach Al Golden (who I believe is a great hire) as he gets more of his players in there. I just have a hard time believing with their history and incredible local talent base that Golden can't coach up these kids to a top 25 finish. If Golden can get Jacory Harris to stop throwing the ball to the other team and cut down the penalties I think Miami can contend for the ACC Coastal division.

24. Georgia-Much like Miami I think the season could go one of two ways for UGA. They start off the season with Boise State and South Carolina. Both teams could crush the Bulldogs but on the other hand Georgia has the talent to play with them and win. If Georgia can somehow manage to go 1-1 then the schedule sets up favorably with them not having to face LSU or Alabama. Coach Mark Richt is on the hot seat and it's rather unfortunate. The guy is just a deep down good person and he has won big time while in Athens. But in the all too familiar world of "what have you done for me lately" the pressure is on Richt to get UGA back to a SEC Championship game. If Aaron Murray blossoms and incoming freshman tailback Isaiah Crowell becomes the next Marcus Lattimore then Georgia could win the SEC. But I have my doubts.

23. Maryland-The Terps have the best QB in the ACC with Danny O'Brien poised to have a huge season under first-year head coach Randy Edsall. The defense is led by linebacker/safety hybrid Kenny Tate who is a ferocious hitter. The Terps have a legit shot at winning the ACC this year.

22. Houston-The Cougars had a disastrous season last year when both Case Keenum and backup QB Cotton Turner had season ending injuries in the third game of the season vs UCLA. Both are back and Keenum who is in his 6th year of eligibility should establish a NCAA record for career passing yardage. The defense should be much improved and the schedule is set up favorably for a 10/11 win season.

21. Iowa-Last season was rather disappointing for the Hawkeyes as they floundered down the stretch losing three straight going into the postseason. This year the expectations should be lowered and this is usually when a Kirk Ferentz team plays it best. Look for the Hawkeyes to have a potent running game with Marcus Coker exploding on the scene this year after a productive freshman campaign. I could see them winning the "Legends" side of the division.

20. Michigan State-I also could see the Spartans winning the "Legends" division in the Big Ten. Sparty played out of it's ass last year despite blowout losses to Iowa and Alabama. Kirk Cousins and Edwin Baker are back and the offense again will put a lot of points on the scoreboard. Road games against Ohio State, Nebraska, Notre Dame and Iowa are killer.

19. Texas-The Longhorns were absolutely horrible last year and a big reason was because QB Garrett Gilbert was atrocious behind center. Texas has too much talent and way too much depth to be bad again this year. I think they bounce back under a mostly new coaching staff under Mack Brown and once again contend in a tough Big 12 conference.

18. Ohio State-The Buckeyes should be a top 5 team but you may have heard they lost their head coach, quarterback and their dignity this offseason. A cloud hangs over the Ohio State program from the tattoo and jersey fiasco among other things but this team still has a lot of heart and can win the Big Ten. Look for freshman Qb Braxton Miller to emerge and don't be surprised if Luke Fickell is the head coach for the long term if he can get this team to another 10 win season.

17. Notre Dame-The Fighting Irish have 16 of 22 starters back from a team that finished off on a high note with 4 consecutive wins. Brian Kelly will look to build on that strong finish and get Notre Dame back to a BCS Bowl game. The schedule is once again tough as they really have no gimme games till they travel to Wake Forest in November. If they can continue to play good to great defense and move the ball with someone emerging at the QB position then the sky is the limit for the Irish. With their schedule they better find a QB fast.

16. TCU-The Rose Bowl Champions. Let that sink in for all you doubters out there. The undefeated Rose Bowl Champions. Look TCU isn't going to be as good as they were last season and will have a tough time winning the Mountain West with Boise State joining the conference. But the defense should once again be really fast. The problem is the offense is basically all new starters. I have a feeling Gary Patterson will get the Horned Frogs back to another double digit win season.

15. Wisconsin-James White and Montee Ball combined for over 2000 yards rushing last season. They just got a great transfer in QB Russell Wilson. I think the Badgers could shock the world and go undefeated but for now I'm keeping them at #15 to put some hunger in them.

14. South Carolina-They are still one of the most boring teams to watch but with both Georgia and Florida down and the rest of the division being shit the Cocks have to be the favorite to win the SEC East. They have explosive playmakers in TB Marcus Lattimore and WR Alshon Jeffery along with the drunk party animal in Stephen Garcia. The ole Ball Coach should have this team back in Atlanta getting squashed in the SEC Championship once again.

13. Florida State-I'm not ready to declare the Semenholes are back but they are getting there. Last year they took a major step forward from the doldrums of the Papa Bowden reign with new coach Jimbo Fisher leading the young FSU team to 10 wins. If Jimbo can get their athletic and very fast defense to step up then FSU could contend for a NC.

12. Virginia Tech-The Hokies are another one of those boring as shit teams to watch but yet they always seem to win. They play Beamer Ball and have the coolest introduction in college football. In all likelihood we will see the Hokies play FSU in the ACC Championship. Actually nobody watches that game. Nevermind.

11. Texas A&M-RB Cyrus Gray is a bad man and a sleeper for the Heisman. The Aggies defense should be a top 20 unit this year. This is the year for Mike Sherman to take the Aggies to the next level. They have a ton of returning starters from a team that won 9 games last season. It's been since 1988 since they have won a Big 12 Title. They are due.

10. West Virginia-The Mountaineers are going to score a shitload of points this fall. QB Geno Smith should flourish in new coach Dana Holgorsen's fast tempo, high octane offense that worked so well in Stillwater. The LSU game in Morgantown could help decide who plays for a National Championship.

9. Arkansas-The Razorbacks did lose Ryan Mallett but they got one of the best RBs in the nation in Knile Davis. Davis was unstoppable in the second half of the season once he secured the starting job. The defense should be good enough to win consistently in the toughest division in the country. BTW Bobby Petrino is still a piece of shit.

8. Oklahoma State-If the Cowboys had just some kind of defense then they would be a top 5 team easy this year. Their offense should be outstanding with all 5 starters returning on the line and the nation's best WR in Justin Blackmon back looking to win another Biletnikoff Award. I probably have them a little overrated because of their offense being so lethal but if they want to start winning some Big 12 titles they need to focus on that atrocious defense.

7. Boise State-I have mucho respect for this "Smurf" program. They lost one game the last two seasons and it was because their kicker pulled a Finkle. I would have them in the top 5 with Kellen Moore coming back and a top 5 defense but I just can't get over that blue field. It's just so fucking irritating and nauseating to watch on TV. I have a gut feeling they are going to crush UGA in the Georgia Dome on their way to yet another undefeated season. Yeah that Chris Petersen coach knows what he is doing up there in Idaho.

6. Nebraska-The Huskies are now in the Big Ten and will get a chance to make a great first impression with a road game in Madison the first week of October. The schedule doesn't do them any favors as they get Ohio State the following week at home but then they got back-to-back roadies vs Penn State and Michigan in November. Look for QB Taylor Martinez to run his ass for the Huskers and get them to a Big Ten Championship game.

5. Stanford-Andrew Luck pulled a shocker and came back for his senior season in what could be another magical season at The Farm. Head Coach Jim Harbaugh has left for the NFL but offensive coordinator David Shaw got the promotion so there should be some continuity in the program. They get their two toughest opponents at home with the Ducks and Notre Dame coming to visit in November. Those two games will determine if they make it back to another BCS game and if Luck can secure his Heisman.

4. Alabama-Bama would have been #1 on my poll but they lost too many pieces from a team that people tend to forget still lost 3 games last season. I don't care what you say. Losing your QB, Heisman winning tailback, best WR, best offensive lineman, and best defensive tackle is going to hurt. You can't just simply plug in guys and expect them to put up similar or better numbers at those key positions. Yes Nick Saban is a God but even he lost 3 games last season. He has to get that hunger attitude back on the team and it's definitely possible since they have the easiest SEC schedule.

3. LSU-If there is a team in the SEC West that can match up with Bama in terms of overall talent you have to look at the Bayou Bengals. Every season they bring in a top 10 recruiting class and last season they were two close defeats away from playing for a National Championship. Sure Les Miles eats grass on the sidelines and is the luckiest coach in America but he has won a National Title and is poised to make another legit run this season. They have 4 top ten teams on their schedule with Oregon, West Virginia, Alabama and Arkansas on the docket along with Florida and Auburn. If Miles can get through with just one loss they should be playing for a National Title.

2. Oregon-Scoregon finished just short of their first national title last year with a tough 22-19 loss to Auburn in the Glendale. This year they return key starters in RB LaMichael James and Qb Darron Thomas and the offense will look to build off being the nation's best last year. It will be interesting to see how they do against LSU in the season opener at Cowboys Stadium. You know LSU will look to repeat what Auburn did and control the line of scrimmage. Whoever wins that game to start off the season should be the #1 team. Oregon has to be the odds-on favorite to win the PAC-12 over Stanford.

1.Oklahoma-If there is one guy who could seriously challenge Andrew Luck for the Heisman it's Landry Jones. Jones will again put up video game stats with a top 5 scoring offense. The problem with the Sooners has been the defense. Last season they ranked 53rd in the nation in total defense. If they can get to top 20 I see them going undefeated. The Sooners have the most elite talent and experience back at key positions and a manageable schedule which is why they are #1 preseason. This year they do have to travel to Tallahassee to play a FSU team that is looking for revenge after getting slaughtered last year in Norman. Bob Stoops won a NC in his second year. The natives are growing restless and this could be the season Stoops gets his hands on a second Sears Trophy.

Dirk Nowitzki is kinda popular in Wuerzburg, Germany

Yesterday was "Dirkday" in the big 7-footer's hometown of Wuerzburg, Germany. I think it's safe to say the guy is kind of a big deal over there. It's brats, beer and then Dirk. Not necessarily in that order.

Jelena Jankovic Changing Underwear During Tennis Match

Ahhhh....she had me at skidmarks. There is nothing hotter than seeing Jelena Jankovic change underwear during the middle of a tennis match. There is just something wildly attractive about a girl having to change roos because she might have had a little tinkle or splat. Or maybe she got a little bit of the Hershey stain from doing these splits.


Obviously Jankovic has inspired me to post this great Dave Chappelle "skit"....



SportsCrack loves you Jankovic! You keep shittin' yourself girl!

The Sprite Beer Pong Slam Dunk Contest

What can you do other then just tip your hat and say good game sir? It's one thing to play drunk beer pong straight up with outside jump shots. It's a whole new ballgame though when someone takes it to the rim and throws down their dignity along with a crushing victory and a soiled floor covered in Natty Light.

Video via ExtraMustard

Ocho Cinco hanging with Stifler and the rest of the American Pie Cast

If you are not following Ocho Cinco on Twitter do yourself a favor and do it now. The player formerly known as Chad Johnson has done pretty much everything during the NFL Lockout. He rode a bull for about a split second. He tried out for a MLS Soccer team. He even wanted to wrestle alligators.

And now apparently he is on the set of a new American Pie movie here in Atlanta. The guy is definitely making the most out of the current lockout by getting his name in the public and making some cash on the side. I wouldn't doubt if he stole his scene or scenes in American Pie 3 or 4? I have no clue which one they are on now.

The 33-year-old potential free agent should be picked up by the Falcons once the lockout ends. Obviously Matt Ryan has All-Pro targets in WR Roddy White and TE Tony Gonzalez along with incoming rookie WR Julio Jones but Cinco could be a good third receiver for the Falcons if he is willing to accept the role. As long as they can get him for cheap and still get some free agent defenders I would have no problem with Ocho Cinco wearing the red and black next season.

Notre Dame Football 2011 Video

If this video doesn't get the blood pumping for this fall then I don't know what to tell ya other than you are a soulless bastard who should go rooting for a dying program like USC.

The Fighting Irish are back! You know the team that actually fights for every yard on the field and doesn't take shit from anybody.

I can't wait to see Cierre Wood running circles around defenders by putting that little juke on and taking it to the house.

I can't wait to see Manti Te'o rip off the tailback's helmet against South Florida come September.

I can't wait to see head coach Brian Kelly have the boys inspired and ready to come out and destroy teams like Michigan and USC in 2011.

Fuck I just can't wait for football season to get here!

UGA's Top Ten

Yet another list about college football, but who can blame us. We are desperate for football season so until then, we'll analyze and bs our way through a ridiculously hot summer in GA. Matt took a look at Notre Dame's top 10 players last week, I'll take a shot at picking a top ten for UGA today. Feel free to chime in, this is just how I see it.

1. Aaron Murray - Quarterback, RFr.
As expected, the team goes by how it's QB play goes and thankfully, UGA has a star in it's QB Aaron Murray. As a freshman, he passed for 3,049 yards with 24 touchdowns to only 8 interceptions. That amounted to a QB rating of 154.5. Murray ran for an additional 167 yards and 4 scores. All of this put him at the top of the QBs for the SEC and in the top 10 QBs in the country as a Redshirt Freshman. Not to mention, he did this behind a suspect O-line. Murray is a QB to build your team around. Plain and simple, the kid is a winner and he takes #1 for UGA's most important player.


2. the Nose - Kwame Geathers (RSo.) and John Jenkins (RSJr.)
The most important part of a 3-4 defense is the Nose Guard. Without a quality Nose to pull double teams consistently and triple teams occasionally, the Linebackers get pulled into the run game every single down leaving the pass protection to be suspect. The key to the 3-4, surprise, and without that Nose, the surprise is non existent. This year, UGA is blessed with two huge men to step in and take over the Nose. Look for John Jenkins to have an instant impact and free up both ends and the linebacking corps to wreak havoc in the opponent's backfield. When you're thinking of Jenkins, think Terrence Cody, but without the blubber. When Jenkins needs a breather, look at Geathers to step up and play the same hard nose, no bs, game. He was a huge get as a recruit and apparently the mention of him losing his starting spot has lit a fire under his behind. Don't be surprised to see them both line up in a 4-3 on occasion or have John Jenkins as a fullback in a power I or goal line set. He was a running back, yes a 340lb running back, out of high school and in JUCO. Both of these men should be able to handle a double team and triple team. These dawgs are ready to eat for sure. I personally feel a bit sorry for Thomas Byrd, the Boise State center, who will have to handle these guys come the kick off in the Dome. Good luck Mr. Byrd, please don't get hurt too bad.

3. Orson Charles - Tight End, Junior
OC has been a nightmare for defenses since middle school. The guy is the best Tight End in the conference and probably the best Tight End in the country. He's averaged 16.25 yards per catch in his career. The only complaint, the Dawgs haven't gotten him the ball enough. Look for OC to be Murray's go to receiver. While his season high was 422 yards with 2 TDs, look for Charles to have a monster year with at least 600 yards and 6 TDs. OC had the talent to play in the NFL last year, I doubt he'll pass up the money this year, assuming we still have an NFL. The only reason he is not ranked #2 on my list is that the Nose Guard position is more critical to the play of the team.

4. Alec Ogletree - Sophmore, Inside Linebacker
Ogletree was a 5 star signee from Newnan in 2010 and was the highlight of the recruiting class. Though he only made 29 tackles last season, he didn't disappoint. Ogletree may have the most talent on the field for the Dawgs. At 6'3 and 224lbs, it's hard to imagine him running at you with 4.6 speed, but that's just how Ogletree rolls. The kid is an absolute monster and will be switching from the starting Safety spot he earned as a true freshman to starting at ILB, his more natural position. Look for him to jam the line in run coverage and have the size, speed, and strength to play a good cover in pass coverage. Ogletree will be an All SEC performer again this year and will probably make an All American team as well. The UGA 'backers are going to be fast and are going to hit you hard. I'm personally excited to see how having a true Nose will free these guys up to do some damage all over the field.

5. Caleb King - Senior, Running Back
Want to name the last running back who came to UGA with as much hype as Caleb King? If you guess Herschel Walker, which you probably didn't, you're right. King's story has been one of disappointing year after disappointing year. After sitting behind Moreno, King was poised to break out and be the lead dog that UGA has been missing since number 34 graced Sanford Stadium. If you want to see some impressive high school highlights, King routinely makes defenders look silly in space, finds holes that seem to be closed, and show that he has all the talent in the world. If you want to talk about actual stats, King only scored 2 TDs last year, but averaged 5.4 yards per carry. That's not bad for a "disappointment". His sophomore season, King averaged 5.2 yards per carry so he's shown when he gets the ball, he can make something happen. The last few years, King has shown that his lack of focus and lack of maturity have gotten the better of him. This year is his final year to show he wasn't over hyped and to prove to the NFL that he can make it. Personally, I believe in him. With the incoming phenom, Isaiah Crowell, King will have to be special to get his carries. From what I've seen this summer, he is doing everything in his power to make sure he puts forth the effort to perform and to help the next in line take over the reigns and turn UGA back into Running Back U. If the O-line can hold a block, look for Caleb to have a great senior season and get a shot to perform on Sundays.

6. Brandon Boykin - Senior, Defensive Back
Boykin is the most explosive kick returner in college football. He has track speed and a nose for finding a hole. As a DB, he hasn't developed into the shut down corner that he was projected to be, but the talent is there. I'm looking for Boykin to have some pressure taken off of him by the guys up front and for him to double his INT total from last year from 3 to 6. Watch out if he does get his hands on the ball, it will probably be going to the house. One more kick off return of 100 yards and he'll set the NCAA record with 4 in a career. Look for it to happen early in the season. This kid is absolutely electric to watch and is already the UGA leader in kick return yards in a career with 1,813. Look for 800 more this season.

7. Tavarres King - Junior, Wide Receiver
Want to talk about pressure? How does anyone step up to the plate and replace AJ Green. Nothing against TK, or anyone else, but unless TO has a few years of eligibility and a time machine, no one will step up and be AJ. TK is faced with the task of doing the best he can. He's fast, he's got good hands, he can jump, he has good body control, and he's hungry. I'll take it. TK was a highly rated recruit who hasn't disappointed, but hasn't stepped out of AJ's shadow. Here's his chance. Last season, TK caught 27 passes for 504 yards, that's 18.7 yards per catch. He only reeled in 3 TDs, but you can bet that number will change this year. If TK can polish his routes and prove to be as reliable as MoMass was a few years ago, I'll take him as our number 1. I've already talked about how Charles is likely to see double the production of the past two years, look for TK to not get many double teams and be looked to by Murray quite a bit this year. My prediction, 700 yards, 4 TDs and a solid #1 guy for this year and next.

8. Jarvis Jones - RJn. , Outside Linebacker
Jones is a beast who looks like the Predator and may be meaner, what do you want me to say? He's going to fill the spot vacated by the UGA sack leader from 2010, Justin Houston. Many say he's better than Houston ever will be. I believe it. Houston was a pass rush specialist, Jones is just a freak athlete with a nose for football. He was a top talent coming out of Georgia when he chose the University of Spoiled Children over UGA and he's a top talent and a great pick up to help lead this 3-4 defense. Talk about surprising, wait to see a QB look like a deer in the headlights when this kid is coming at him full speed. What makes Jones better than Houston is that like Ogletree, Jones is very fast and very athletic. He's not just a pass rusher. Jones can cover a guy in space which he proved at Southern Cal before his neck injury. Look for Jones to be an All SEC performer.

9. Christian Robinson - Junior, Inside Linebacker
I picked Robinson here not because of talent, but because of how important he is to his team. Robinson is smarter than people give him credit for. Coach Grantham trusts him to captain the D, I have got to go with Grantham and give him the nod. With only 40 tackles and 2 sacks last year, that may not change much for this ILB, but where he becomes valuable is changing the blitz at the line, picking up on blocking schemes, directing the D to the gaps, reading coverage, and making the game plan work. Robinson is your QB of the D and he's a stand up kid who is working his butt of to constantly improve. I am not a doubter at all. This kid is tough, he plays with a fire, and he's ready to put UGA backers back on the map.

1o. Bacarri Rambo - Junior, Safety
Look, the kid's name is Rambo, how could I leave him off? 72 Tackles, 3 Forced Fumbles, and 3 Interceptions will help you get included on this list. Rambo is the closest to a sure thing at safety that UGA has and he's not a bad option to have in the backfield. Rambo is probably the teams hardest hitter as evidenced when he hit a kid so hard in the Auburn game as a freshman, he knocked himself out. Rambo reminds me of a Thomas Davis or Greg Blue in terms of the impact on an opposing player's body. Rambo is going to have a big year and like Boykin, he's going to be helped out by a nasty D-line.




Just Missed the Cut - The "Dream Team", not sure how to seperate them, but these kids are old school UGA and that's a damn good thing. I can't wait for these pups to step up. Richard Samuel, RJn. LB, Deangelo Tyson, Senior, DE, Jakar Hamilton, Senior, DB.

Wisconsin might have just won the Big Ten Title with the incoming transfer of Russell Wilson

If you are a Badger fan you should have a smile on your face today. Not just a little smile but one of those big, shit eating grins you see Yankees fans sporting every offseason when they just sign every possible free agent. The reason you should be smiling is because NC State QB Russell Wilson has decided to transfer to Madison.

Wilson is an All-ACC quarterback who has passed for 8545 yards and 76 touchdowns in three seasons in Raleigh. Today he will announce on ESPN's "College Football Live" that he will be playing for Wisconsin immediately. He has one year of football eligibility left and since he already graduated from NC State he can play for any FBS program immediately without having to sit a year.

Landing a QB with the talents of Wilson is huge for Wisconsin. The Badgers are coming off a Big Ten title that saw them lose a close one to TCU in the Rose Bowl last year. The quarterback position for the Badgers looks to be relatively weak and Wilson should be the starter. Wilson is also a baseball player and has agreed to leave the Colorado Rockies A ball affiliate in order to play one more season of college football.

At this point Wilson will need to beat out Jon Budmayr for the starting position come fall. With Wisconsin running a pro-style offense similar to the one the Wolfpack ran I don't see that being a problem for Wilson. With the addition of Wilson I think the Badgers are the favorite to win the Big Ten. They still have to replace some key players on both sides of the line but you know head coach Bret Bielema will have the Badgers geeked up for another run for the Roses.

Even Women Soccer Players Think The Game is for Pussies

ESPN's John Anderson sold it better than that fucking Cristiano Ronaldo ever could. Look, I don't necessarily mind soccer. I played it one year when I was like 5 years old. Fucking hated it. It was too boring and too much running without any reward. It's pretty bad when you think soccer is so boring you go on to play baseball for the rest of your life. But I can appreciate soccer because it does take skills to be good at it. You can't use your hands which is kinda gay in my opinion and you have to have incredible endurance to run up and down for no god damn good reason. But I hate the flopping bull shit. It's like they all got taught by Coach K how to bull shit a foul. It pisses me off. If soccer wants to be taken as a real sport it will start executing the fakers out there. Yep, straight up Colombian killing style. Right there on the field. Bullet between the eyes. Until then you are just a recreational sport that all the guys who weren't good enough for the real sports like football, basketball, hockey and baseball take part in.

Ok deep breath. End of rant. Happy Friday Fuckers! And oh yeah good job SportsCenter with the video. I laughed.

Tomas Jurco the Magician

Via ExtraMustard comes this video of NHL top prospect Tomas Jurco doing some nifty tricks with his hockey stick. The kid has some incredible stick handling skills no doubt. The question I have is can he throw a hotdog down a hallway such as Jessica Simpson? Because once you come to the States and play in the NHL the only stick handling people care about is the amount of celebrity poon you can corral.

Jessica Simpson is BACK!!!!!!

Now I'm going to pretend the last...oh...3-4 years of Jessica Simpson gradually losing her self control over eating was just a dream. Actually more of a nightmare. See Jessica Simpson was every young kid's boner back in the day. She was the go-to mental quickie in case you wanted to squeeze one out in the bathroom before your sibling came in. But then she got divorced, dated Tony Romo and got dumped, ate a bunch of bear claws and ice cream and blew up faster than Sally Struthers. But like I said let's all just forget about those little details. Because SportsCrack.com has the runaway clear cut winner for the Comeback Player of the Year. This is a bigger comeback than Michael Vick killing dogs and winning the hearts of degenarate gamblers out there. This is bigger than anything Tiger Woods could rebound from in divorce and random whore meetings. This is grade A chuck Jessica Simpson at her finest. She has brought back the Daisy Dukes with a little help from her friends: Cameltoe and MooseKnuckle.









More pics at Egotastic

Friday Funbags

Here are your large round mounds of funbags for this fucking great Friday. Be sure to send more in next week to matt@sportscrack.com. Also thanks to everyone who sent in their submissions. It's a tough job to pick out the best of the week but I think I'm up to it. Be sure to vote for your favorite funbags in the comment section. Right now my runaway winner is #4.











And why not throw in a little Kate Upton sideboob action from SI.com...

Go Grab My Belt my Slick Mahony

In case you were wondering what ever happened to the guy who couldn't quite make Color Me Badd back in the 90's well then look no further than Slick Mahony. "Go Grab My Belt" is bound to become this generation's "Dazed and Confused." No truer words have even been more spoken than "Go Grab My Belt You Need A Smackin' Baby!" Right on Slick Mahony.

Les Miles is a Basketball God with his old school Converse Weapons

When he isn't eating grass on the sidelines you can find LSU head coach Les Miles playing a mean game of hoops in his Converse Weapons. ESPN personality Scott Van Pelt hooked him up with the old school 80's-style Magic Johnson kicks and all of a sudden the Mad Hatter is running circles around his kids. The note Van Pelt left said "Now these are some proper kicks right here. I mean-how many wins are these worth? 3 minimum before you eat any grass. I hope all is well in Baton Rouge."

Now if Miles wants to keep the streak going he has to find a way to wear the Converse on the sidelines this fall. LSU is a Nike school but contracts be damned. This is about wins and losses. And all I know is I have a preseason bet that LSU wins the SEC this year and with Miles luck it's going to happen with the old Weapons on his 57-year-old feet.

Via Lost Lettermen via Dr. Saturday

Notre Dame's new receivers gloves look pretty tight

Do I want a pair? Uh yeah.

Chances of getting some? Less than zero.

Adidas just sent these badboys out to Notre Dame for next season and already I am extremely jealous they won't be available to the public. So now I got a figure a way to get my hand on some of these gloves. Any help or tips would be greatly appreciated.

Oh and the moaning you hear is from the old farts, or blue hairs as I call them, who say this kind of stuff goes against tradition.

Arianny Celeste likes Limes

If you follow Ultimate Fighting or MMA or gay wrestling you should probably know who this chick is. She's an Octagon girl and her name is Arianny Celeste...which rhymes with molest. Coincidence? My penis thinks not.

Notre Dame's Top 10 Players

1. Manti Te'o, Inside Linebacker, Junior-
The Hawaiian Hitman has been a fan favorite ever since his 11th hour signing day decision to go to Notre Dame and spurn arch rival USC. Te'o has had a tremendous effect on the defense with his uncanny ability to read defenses, shed blockers, and crush the ball carrier. In 2010 Te'o led the defense in tackles with 133 and his 21 tackles vs. Stanford were the most by a FBS player since 2007. The thing that separates Te'o from other linebackers in the nation is the passion and the swagger he plays with which is backed up by his performance on Saturdays. No one can ever question whether or not Manti has the heart of a football player. Manti is expected to be 100% from offseason knee surgery and will compete with Boston College's Luke Kuechly as the premier inside linebacker in the college game.

2. Michael Floyd, Wide Receiver, Senior-Floyd shocked Irish Nation when he decided to come back for his senior season after a tremendous junior season in which he caught 12 touchdowns and had over a 1000 yards receiving. Floyd then put his senior co-captain season in limbo when he was booked for a DUI on the Notre Dame campus. Expected to complete his legal obligations as well as team obligations before the fall coach Brian Kelly has said it is completely up to Floyd to make sure he misses no games in 2011. As one of the top 5 receivers in the college game one could argue that Floyd is by far the most important part of the Fighting Irish offense. Ever since his freshman season Floyd has dominated the college game. The only problem has been keeping him healthy and wearing the Blue and Gold every Saturday. This season Floyd should set all-time ND records in catches, yards, and touchdowns. With his size and strength expect Floyd to shatter those records my midseason.

3. Harrison Smith, Free Safety, Senior-A year ago people would have scoffed at the notion of the Knoxville, TN native being a top 20 player on the Fighting Irish let alone a top 5. But last year with the emergence of a new coaching staff Smith excelled and was easily one of the best free safeties in the country. His 7 interceptions were the most for an Irish defender since 2002 (Shane Walton's All-American season). Harrison's athleticism has always been through the roof but finally his knowledge of the defensive schemes along with assignments were picked up flawlessly. The fifth-year senior is the only player in Irish football history to record more than 200 tackles, 15 tackles for loss and 15 pass breakups in a career. The 6-2, 214 pound free safety is a legit preseason All-American candidate and will serve as an Irish co-captain with senior Michael Floyd in 2011.


4. Gary Gray, Cornerback, Senior-While it's almost impossible to find any true lockdown corners in the collegiate ranks fifth-year senior Gray has proven that he appears to be on the cusp after a very productive senior season. Gray is another player who benefitted from first year defensive back coach Chuck Martin who improved both his coverage and tackling. Gray started all 13 games and had 66 tackles along with 7 passes broken up and 1 INT. Gray is not only a great cover corner but he can also step up against the run and stuff the outside. In fact it would be hard to argue that Gray was one of ND's best tacklers last year in terms of form and technique. Coming out of high school in Columbia, SC Gray was considered one of the elite corners in the nation and was a tremendous coup for the Irish. He was heavily recruited by all the SEC schools and at one time was committed to his hometown Gamecocks. This year expect Gray to shoot up NFL draft boards when all is said and done and once again establish himself as one of the elite corners in the game.

5. Darius Fleming, Outside Linebacker, Senior-In terms of the upperclassmen it would be hard to find a quicker pass rusher than Fleming. Fleming has steadily seen his sack numbers go up every season and would love to double his output from his junior season (6). The versatile outside linebacker can play with a hand down or in a two-point stance in the 4-3 base defense and with his speed and quickness I expect to see Fleming in the backfield a lot during his senior season. Fleming was a heavily recruited linebacker out of Chicago and since he has arrived in South Bend he leads the Irish in tackles for loss as well as sack yardage. With a trio of highly touted freshmen coming in I expect to see them push Fleming to new heights and have a monster senior season.

6. Cierre Wood, Tailback, Junior-In order for the Fighting Irish to get back to being a BCS Bowl contender they are going to need a healthy and extremely productive season from Wood. Last season Wood took over full-time starting duties with the injury to senior Armando Allen and shined in his limited carries. Wood was ranked as a top 10 player nationally by The Sporting News coming out of Santa Clara HS (CA) and has the big play ability to break off long touchdown runs that haven't been seen at Notre Dame since Julius Jones was in the backfield. In terms of importance one could argue that Wood is the most vital part of the Notre Dame offense with the lack of scholarships at the tailback position. Wood has the extra gear and quickness to also be a threat in the passing game. I expect to see Darius Walker-like production out of Wood in 2011.

7. Trevor Robinson, Guard, Senior-The former 1st-team USA Today All-American stepped in almost right away at Notre Dame to become only the 5th freshman to start on the offensive line (Sam Young, Ryan Harris, Brad Williams, Mike Rosenthal) in 2008 and the former Nebraska commit has not given up his offensive guard spot since. He has started 27 of the past 35 games at guard and brings a solid base at 6-5, 300 with an appetite to be as aggressive and nasty as any guard in the nation. He has the ability to pull and trap on an inside running play along with a sweep to the outside. His size along with his mobility separates Robinson and it's a testament to the amount of talent ND has that he is only ranked 7th on this list.

8. Zach Martin, Tackle, Sophomore-The redshirt sophomore from Indianapolis stepped in last year and not only excelled protecting the always important QB's blindside at left tackle but was also very productive in the run game with a push that opened holes for Cierre Wood. I think Martin is one of the most underrated player on the roster because he committed to the Irish early in the process and the state of Indiana isn't known for producing top notch FBS players. If you watch his tape you can tell his technique is sound and he carries a chip on his shoulder which he uses to pancake defensive ends and blitzing linebackers with regularity. Martin in 2 years will be a top NFL prospect at left tackle.

9. Ethan Johnson, Defensive End, Senior-The 6-4, 300 lb defensive end enters his senior season as the active leader in sacks (12.5) despite playing both tackle and end for the Irish. After sliding to the outside in Bob Diaco's 3-4 in 2011 he managed to up his sack total for the 3rd year in a row along with his total tackles. This year expect the senior from Portland, OR to have a productive season in which he will be more of a run stuffer while also batting down passes with his long wing span on the outside. Johnson has been somewhat underrated since he arrived in South Bend. He missed his senior season in high school after spraining his knee in the first game yet he still managed to start 4 of 13 games for the Irish during his freshman season with 5 tackles for loss. It's not out of the realm of possibility that he and fellow defensive end Kapron Lewis-Moore feel the pressure from the likes of incoming freshmen Aaron Lynch and Stephon Tuitt by stepping up their games and having huge senior seasons to keep their playing time. Competition is always a good thing and with Johnson expect it to push him to new heights in 2011.

10. David Ruffer, Kicker, Senior-Another modern day Rudy except this walk-on is a legit All-American. Ruffer last year was a finalist for the Lou Groza award after connecting on his first 23 field goals attempts (Notre Dame record) in his career. Ruffer had never even put on football pads till he decided to try out for the Notre Dame kicking job during his sophomore season. The William & Mary transfer student who gained notoriety for kicking for Siegfried Hall in interhall games has gone from walk-on to rock star in less than 2 seasons. His 3 field goals in the Sun Bowl tied an Irish bowl record. He also had 10 touchbacks on kickoffs last season.


Just missed the cut-Tyler Eifert (Tight End), Theo Riddick (Wide Receiver), Aaron Lynch (Defensive End), Kapron Lewis-Moore (Defensive End), Carlo Calabrese (Inside Linebacker)

Sports Illustrated Cover is Bad Ass

Image via Twitter

The picture and the headline are perfect. You know right now Tiger Woods is just stewing in his big empty house at all the attention Rory McIlroy is getting. Golf is ready to move on without Tiger and if the guy doesn't get his shit together then he isn't even a top 5 golfer anymore at the age of 35.


It kind of sucks in a way.

This year the PGA Championship comes back to Atlanta Athletic Club. 10 years ago a much younger, drunker version of myself attended with some buddies for the practice rounds and final round when David Toms narrowly beat Phil Mickelson. We went to see Tiger and of course as we got more and more drinks in us we decided to heckle the shit out of him. The liquid courage made us not give a shit. We shouted "WATCH THE CAMERAS" AND "COME ON GUYS" with our best Tiger/Tony Gwynn/Dave Chapelle talking like a white guy voice during his follow through. Basically we were dicks. Now with Tiger questionable he might take that opportunity from myself. Yes I'm older and married with a newborn but I still want to heckle Tiger because I'm still kind of a dick. Thanks Tiger.

But anyways the cover of SI is fantastic and you know all the people in Boston are wicked pissah that the Bruins weren't even mentioned. The Bruins winning the Stanley Cup couldn't even get the front cover over such hot topics as the Women's World Cup and Toronto's Jose Bautista. Kind of pathetic if you ask me.

By the way I'm taking 23-year old Jason Day at 30-to-1 odds to win the British Open. He finished 2nd in the Masters and the US Open and is now up to #9 in the world. He is going to win the British Open. I'm convinced. Place the bet and thank me later.

Jack McKeon's Lineup Card

Via SportsPickle

PTI's Michael Wilbon Napping at the Cubs Game

This is why you go to ESPN for your sports fix. It's because they have on-air talents like Mike Wilbon who are so enthralled with the games they cover that their expertise is regurgitated by the masses who can't think for themselves. According to BustedCoverage Wilbon was taking his son to his first Cubs game vs. the Yankees this weekend. Now granted baseball isn't the most exciting game to watch but you would think a professional like Wilbon who is paid for his opinion on sports could manage to keep his eyes open for his son's first Wrigley experience.

Not so much.

We ain't mad at ya Wilbon. We know you were shotgunning beers with the Bleacher Bums before the game started. It's the only thing exciting about being a Cubs fan. Old Style me bitch!

Jason Heyward in a Yankees Uniform

Don't worry Braves fans. It will be at least another 4-5 years before Jason Heyward is in the Bronx wearing the pinstripes. Just take solace that the Braves are preparing him for his prime seasons in New York before he gets his huge contract. And if you think I'm joking I'm not. Heyward grew up a Yankees fan. Not a Braves fan. We obviously know he loves money. There will be plenty for him up in New York.

Via Andy Gray

The Boston Bruins $156K Bar Tab

And this is why winning the Stanley Cup is the shit. In Vancouver they are literally ripping apart the city as they riot. In Boston on the other hand they are out partying and racking up over a $156,000 in drinks at a bar. It also goes to show you how cheap Boston is. I mean seriously these guys just won you a fucking Cup! Can you not dish out some dough and buy these guys their drinks? Fucking Massholes.

/broke Atlanta Thrashers fan who is extremely jealous that well...you still have a fucking team.

Via DarrenRovell