Texas A&M SECedes

Finally. I've been sick and tired listening to the talking heads on the sports radio blabber about Texas A&M leaving the Big 12 conference without anything actually happening. It's been like watching our Congress slowly grabass each others manpieces and talk about nothing or get anything accomplished. Now finally we have concrete proof that Texas A&M is going to the SEC Conference to play big boy football.

So the question is why the fuck would the Aggies, who are a perennial middle of the road Big 12 team, leave for a conference where they will get their asses kicked? Because make no mistake the Aggies are going to get curb stomped trying to play with the Big Boys in the SEC. It's going to happen. It will be ugly. And the answer in case you are wondering sunshine is because they are sick of being Texas whipping boy.

For shame Aggie Nation. So you got your feelings hurt by the Longhorns. Why don't you man the fuck up and try to beat their asses instead of running for the money? I thought you were home of the 12th Man and those big ass bonfires and those maroon Canadian Mounties you call corps of cadets.

I guess I'm suppose to say this is good for the SEC Conference but honestly I don't give a shit. I don't care about market share and revenue coming into their fucking conference. I just want to see football and adding the Aggies doesn't make me hard. Hell it doesn't even make it move. Schools like LSU, Alabama, Florida, etc. are going to use and abuse their agricultural and mechanical college of candy ass football.

Listen I understand the SEC wanted to add another school west of the Mississippi but it shouldn't have been the fucking Aggies. Now they gotta add a 14th team but all along they should have been going for Oklahoma and Texas. That would have been fucking awesome. Instead the SEC will get some College Station herpes reject and probably a stinkin Hokie a-hole.

Well woopityfukindo. Now let's play some football!

Eagles Cheerleader Stephanie Smith Seems Friendly While Eating Cupcakes in Her Underwear

I'm just going to ignore that ridiculous contract the Philadelphia Eagles gave to Michael Vick yesterday and instead focus on one of their cheerleaders. Apparently a good day for Stephanie Smith is eating cupcakes while jumping around in your underwear. Shit. Who am I to argue?

Via CrossingBroad

Aaron Rodgers With The UItimate 70's Porn Stache

If I could grow some decent facial hair I think I would probably go the Aaron Rodgers route. Just full on porn mustache. Men respect it. Females knees go weak when they see it. The power of the porn stache is all encompassing.

Via TerezOwens

Cubs Fan Taking a Fall

Tiger Woods: "The Guy is Human...He's Not Going To Fuck Forever!"

Kevin Youkilis and Biz Markie Tearing It Up For a Car Dealership

Holy shit it's great to see Biz Markie tearing it up the old classic. If you are Kevin Youkilis how do you not break out laughing? I mean shit there is no possible way I would be able to hold it in without breaking a blood vessel.

Anyways buy a YOUK! Shirt. It's been like 10 years since I've sold a baseball shirt and my kid's diapers don't pay for themselves.


Video via HotClicks

Friday Funbags

GIFSoup


GIFSoup

Notre Dame vs Michigan Coke Supermarket Display

Absolutely brilliant display here. I've seen some impressive beer and soda displays in my time but this by far crushes all of them. The Notre Dame shamrock has got me so pumped up I want to slug some Sprite now. The only flaw in the display are the jerseys. The supermarket needs to tighten that shit up and put some Ann Arbor is a Whore shirts in there. Class it up Coke.

Soccer Players Will Come In Your Face

See what I said Captain America. Soccer players like to "come in your face." Fucking gross dude.

Via TheBigLead

HOLD EVERYTHING! Lingerie Football League Kicks Off This Friday

2011 LFL Broadcast Open from LFL Films on Vimeo.

I gotta admit I've never actually seen one of these Lingerie football games. Are they live and uncensored? I mean I would think since it's on MTV2 that we are not going to get the accidental full frontal on some girl trying to strip the ball. I kinda wish Atlanta had a team so I could go see it in person. But knowing our luck the team would move to a bigger market like Winnipeg.

Nice Headfirst Slide Asshole

I think we just found the father of that baby thing I posted earlier faceplanting off the couch. I love the game of baseball but sometimes the people playing it just make us all look like assholes. This guy would be one of them.

Epic Meal Time Conquers the Sausage Fest

Bacon, babes, sausage, liquor, and a meat grinder. God I love me some Epic Meal Time. If there was a canine or two in there I'm pretty positive this would have been my heaven.

Earthquake Rocks East Coast!

From the sound of the social media world going off you would have thought Washington D.C. and Philly broke off and slipped into the Atlantic around 2pm. But it didn't. Nothing to see here. Move along.

NHL '93 with Jeremy Roenick

NHL '93 on the Sega Genesis is the greatest sports video game ever made. This isn't even up for discussion. And of course Swingers made it more famous with making Gretzky's head bleed scene. Roenick and Larmer were lights out in that game. Whoever was in charge of the rosters must have been huge Blackhawks fan because there was no way those two guys should have been more dominant than Lemieux and Jagr on the Penguins.

Anyways this reenactment with Jeremy Roenick was pretty terrible. So I'm going to leave you with the original. "Hey Mikey! Is he brown? Is he clean? I wanna see him!"

Dayne Crist Named Starting QB...Holy Shit WTF Is That?

I was going to blog about Brian Kelly naming Dayne Crist the starting QB for Notre Dame (apparently there were enough dipshits out there who thought Tommy Rees would win the job) but then I came upon this wonderfully annoying video on Youtube. I mean what the fuck is that on the couch? When it fell off the couch I completely lost it. I literally spit out my Moe's burrito when that thing from Goonies faceplanted. Is it a baby? An alien? The 3rd chick on Wilson Phillips? I have no fucking clue.

Notre Dame Full Size Shamrock Throwback Helmets vs Michigan for $99

I only have 5 left in stock of these Full size replica Notre Dame Shamrock throwback helmets. These are the helmets Notre Dame will wear vs. Michigan this season. Once they sell out they are all gone. Click here to order one for $99.

UPDATE: We also have MINI SHAMROCK THROWBACK helmets available for $28

Here is a little Notre Dame highlight video to get you pumped up about the season...

Another Soccer Is Gay Picture

Thank God Almighty the real football starts in less than 2 weeks. Don't get me wrong this college football offseason has been amazing with all the scandals and tattoos and whores and what not but I actually want to watch football now. The American kind. Not that gay shit that the rest of the world watches.

Image via HotClicks

Georgia's Pro Combat Nike Uniforms and Helmet vs Boise State

For one game against Boise State I'm okay with the Georgia uniforms but I'm not a big fan of the helmet. The best part about Georgia besides UGA the dog is the red helmet in my opinion. It just doesn't need to be messed with. But for one game it should look cool and I'm sure the players wearing it won't mind.

NEW SHIRT: THE INELIGIBOWL 'TATS VS 'TUTES SHIRT

You asked and you shall receive...The brand new, hot off the shelves, INELIGIBOWL SHIRT! Shipping starts soon so order yours today before they are sold out.

SPORTSCRACK STORE for only $17

Philadelphia Phillies Right Fielder Hunter Pence Is Not The Most Graceful Of Ballplayers

Listen I like Hunter Pence. Even though he plays for the Phillies I'm still going to root for the guy because he seems to always hustle. But holy shit he made a blunder here. Never mind he runs like he has cerebral palsy Hunter just flat out had a brain fart here. By the way it wouldn't kill the Phillies to go on an extended losing streak sometime soon.



Video via Deadspin

Does Miami Deserve The Death Penalty?

The definition of the NCAA death penalty is their power to completely ban a school from competing in a sport for at least one season. The only time it's ever been implemented in big time college football was in 1987 and 1988 when SMU got hammered because of the Pony Express. SMU still has not fully recovered.

The death penalty should be the last thing the NCAA should ever do to a college football program. While it's true booster Nevin Shapiro was running the Wild West with plenty of boats n hoes down in Coral Gables it's still going to be hard to prove the people in charge of Da U's program actually knew. Don't get me wrong...they fucking knew. But you got to have proof. If you can prove Butch Davis, Larry Coker, or Randy Shannon had first hand personal knowledge of the impermissible benefits given to the athletes via Shapiro then yes, a death penalty might be warranted.

But they don't call it the "death" penalty because you can recover from it. It would essentially end Canes football. The only people who should be campaigning it are Gators and Seminoles and you can't tell me their shit don't stink.

So do they deserve the death penalty? NO. But heads should roll down in Coral Gables and scholarships should be reduced. Ban them from postseason action for 4 years. But don't give them the death penalty. College football needs Miami and Miami needs it back.

New Miami Shirt: DA U BOATS N HOES Shirt

NOW AVAILABLE!!! Get the one and only SportsCrack.com Da U Lil Luke's Boats N Hoes shirt today! For only $17 you can get this classic unlicensed* t-shirt.

*-Hoes and money not included.

The Miami Hurricanes...aka Da U...aka Convicts Are Back!!!

I love the smell of college football napalm in the morning. If you haven't had the chance go read the whole Yahoo! Sports report on the renegade booster who is about to take down the University of Miami. Writer Charles Robinson does an excellent job with the investigation reporting on the rogue booster named Nevin Shapiro who at 5'5 is in federal prison for his involvement in a $930 million ponzi scheme. He provided money, prostitutes, gifts, jewelry, trips, and even an abortion for services to 72 Canes from 2002 through 2010. Shapiro basically bankrolled the Canes while being a registered booster and a street agent. How in the holy hell did the Canes compliance department never pick up on a 5'5 white guy in his mid 30's hanging out with huge football players? Doesn't it seem kind of odd?

This is 10 times worse than Ohio State and USC. It's a great read into Da U and how a little shitbird jocksniffer like Shapiro got into the mix with one of the best college football programs. Do I think Miami will get the "death penalty?" Nope. Only because Miami football generates a ton of money for the whole corrupt college football system to begin with. But they definitely deserve to get scholarships taken away and have a bowl ban for some years.

Alshon Jeffery Goes "Big" on Sports Illustrated Cover

South Carolina's All-American wide receiver Alshon Jeffery makes only the second appearance ever for a Gamecock on the coveted SI cover and the first time in over 40 years. But enough with the distinction...what the hell happened to Jeffery? Did he eat Marcus Lattimore?

Jeffery is listed at 6-4 229 lbs but he has to be pushing 260 right now. He's more of a tight end then a slick wideout coming off a 88 catch season. If Jeffery wants to keep South Carolina in the top 10 of SI (the Gamecocks are overrated in my opinion) then he needs to do a shitload of stadiums and avoid the sticky sweet Carolina BBQ and cornbread.

Images via GameCockCentral.com

Further Proof Latina Chicks Are Nuts: Justin Bieber Freak Out

I have no idea what they are saying because I flunked Spanish but these tears are fucking hilarious. They are losing their shit because they couldn't get Justin Bieber tickets. Let that soak in for a while. Justin Bieber. A 16 year old kid. This is just another reason why you don't date a Mexican or any form of a Latina chick. They call it passion. I call it batshit crazy and they will cut you and take you for all you got if they even think you remotely fucked them over.

Via Jimmy Traina

Official: Aggies to the SEC in MS Paint

Ohio State Cleared To Play Ball

According to Yahoo Sports Columnist Dan Wetzel the Ohio State meeting with the NCAA is over and the Buckeyes program has been cleared of any wrongdoing.

Wow.

The Buckeyes put the sole blame on departed head coach Jim Tressel. They said everything was his fault and the reason why the program was committing so many infractions was based on Tressel. It wasn't the players. It wasn't the other coaches. It wasn't the boosters. It wasn't Brutus. Just Jim Tressel.

And it worked. They let go of Tressel and with it all the sanctions that could have been forced upon the program including scholarship reductions and bowl bans are nonexistent.

If you are a USC fan you should be royally pissed off right now because you got fucked by the NCAA. Ohio State got off with a slap to the wrist despite rampant player infractions. USC lost scholarships and bowl appearances because of one player: Reggie Bush. I guess Ohio State had better lawyers than USC. Because I don't understand the logic of punishing USC so severely if you aren't going to do the same thing with Ohio State.

The Buckeyes will now resume their dominance over the Big Ten. Nothing to see here.

Texas A&M And FSU To The SEC?

I honestly didn't even want to blog about the rumors of Texas A&M leaving the Big 12 and going to the SEC because I thought they were full of shit. Now I think it's a foregone conclusion.

The Aggies are a top 10 preseason football team for the first time in over a decade. They have also been the red headed stepchild of the Texas Longhorns for too long. And apparently the new Longhorn Network in which Texas will get preferential treatment to recruits and exposure was just too much for the Aggies to handle especially when they are the top 10 team and not the Longhorns. So they are going to jump ship to the SEC Conference who is looking to expand it's TV market while also gaining two schools.

Personally I think the Aggies joining the SEC is both a major coup and a major mistake for the football program. The SEC Conference is the best in football. No questions asked. The Aggies have been a middle of the road Big 12 team for the last decade. Now when they join the SEC in 2012 or 2013 they will be facing even tougher competition. While it's true the SEC has teams like Vandy who will more than likely always be a doormat in the conference they also have middle of the road teams in Auburn, South Carolina, Georgia, Ole Miss, etc. who would dominant the Big 12 Conference. But then again the perks of being the only Texas school in the SEC could be tremendous for recruiting the state of Texas and stealing some recruits from Texas and Oklahoma.

It's a double edged sword for the Aggies. Life won't be easier in the SEC. Sure it will be more lucrative for money. For now. But every school in a major BCS conference is getting paid a tremendous amount of money because of the football programs. If I was in charge of the Aggies I would just use the SEC Conference as a bargaining chip with the Big 12 conference. But all indications are the Aggies will be in the SEC within the next two years. Good luck with that.

The other rumor running rampant is FSU going to the SEC. FSU is tremendous in several sports but what kind of region or market are they going to bring to the SEC that the Florida Gators don't already own? For the SEC it would make more sense to get a team like Virginia, Virginia Tech or Maryland because then you are expanding into the coveted Washington D.C market. The Seminoles can't even win the downtrodden ACC right now and while they appear to be on the upswing with Jimbo Fisher at the helm there is no reason to leave the ACC right now other than money. FSU already recruits elite players nationwide. Joining the SEC won't make it any better.

All of these rumors whether true or false will eventually lead to super conferences. It's going to happen. The PAC-10 now 12 expanded this year with two new teams in Colorado and Utah. It's not out of the question to see them add 4 more teams especially if the Big 12 folds if they lose another member in Texas A&M. There will be bidding wars for schools like Kansas, Oklahoma, and Missouri to join the SEC, PAC-12 or Big Ten. The ACC could fold or eventually join forces with the Big East and make another super conference. There needs to be 4 super conferences that consist of 16 teams each. All must have championship games at the end of the regular season.

And then we will eventually have a playoff. How about that rumor?

Friday Funbags

Arkansas RB Knile Davis Out For The Season With Left Ankle Injury

So much for Arkansas making a run for the SEC West Title. Standout tailback Knile Davis (1322 yards rushing and 14 TDs) has been lost for the entire season with a left ankle injury confirmed by the University this morning.

And there goes Arkansas' chances of unseating Alabama or LSU with one severe pop of the ankle. Losing Davis for the season is terrifying for the Razorbacks despite returning multiple starters on both sides of the ball. Davis was suppose to be the star. The darkhorse Heisman contender who led the SEC in rushing last season. This season many considered him up there with Alabama's Trent Richardson and South Carolina's Marcus Lattimore as the league's best. I actually saw scenarios where Arkansas rode Davis' broad shoulders all the way to the SEC Championship game in Atlanta.

Arkansas will now look to regroup despite losing QB Ryan Mallett to the NFL (the Patriots got a steal in the 3rd round) and Davis to injury. Remember the Razorbacks also lost RB Broderick Green (expected to be Davis' backup) for the season due to a torn ACL during the offseason.

Now Arkansas will rely on juniors Dennis Johnson (explosive but coming off an injury depleted 2010 season) and Ronnie Wingo Jr. (5 starts last season and finished with 253 yards rushing) to pick up the slack left by Knile's injury. Head coach Bobby Petrino has gone through this before at Louisville when he lost Michael Bush for the season. It should be pointed out that Louisville still won the Big East and went to a BCS Game. But this isn't the Big East and the SEC is a meat grinder.

Arkansas will start off 3-0 with wins over Missouri State, New Mexico, and Troy but the Sept. 24th trip to Tuscaloosa followed by home games versus Texas A&M and Auburn could be deadly for the Razorbacks season. I see an 8-4 team now with Davis gone and a trip to Atlanta for the Chick-Fil-A Bowl.

John Stamos' Guide To Cuddling

I can't think of anything more romantic than Uncle Jesse and Danny spooning in bed. It just makes the heart tender.

Via HotClicks

THE BRAND NEW "DO YOU KNOW WHAT ALABAMA FANS AND MAGGOTS HAVE IN COMMON?...THEY CAN BOTH LIVE OFF A DEAD BEAR FOR YEARS!" AUBURN AND LSU SHIRT

Auburn and LSU fans have been asking for some shirts that take a little jab at their biggest rival's fanbase in Alabama. Well here you go Tiger fans. Get the one and only "DO YOU KNOW WHAT ALABAMA FANS AND MAGGOTS HAVE IN COMMON? THEY CAN BOTH LIVE OFF A DEAD BEAR FOR YEARS!" shirt before they are all sold out. These 100% soft cotton preshrunk tees come in both orange and purple and can be bought only at our STORE PAGE for the low price of $17. As always our shirts are nonlicensed and a portion of all sales goes to the American Cancer Society. Now go ahead and put down that pack of smokes and order one today!

Nation's Top Tailback Keith Marshall Sets 3 Official Visits

Millbrook High's Keith Marshall is the #1 rated tailback in the nation and according to his Twitter feed he has scheduled his 3 official visits for this fall.

They are Georgia, Florida, and Notre Dame.

Georgia has long been seen as the frontrunner for Marshall but the fact that Florida and Notre Dame have set up official visits give them a swinging chance. Marshall is 5'11, 190 pounds, and is a slashing type tailback with very fluid hips who can also run a 4.4.

If you watch his film you can see star written all over him. He's extremely fast and has the ability to read the lanes while waiting for his blockers. Marshall is the type of athlete who will make an instant impact his freshman season on the collegiate level. His running style is very reminiscent of another Marshall who just entered Canton this week: Marshall Faulk.

Marshall is good friends with Notre Dame commitment Ronald Darby. They will both be visiting Notre Dame during the USC game weekend. Notre Dame has a huge need for tailbacks with Cierre Wood the only player on the roster with significant playing experience. Marshall is expected to apply for early enrollee status so it won't be a Signing Day fiasco.

Oklahoma LB Travis Lewis Out 8 Weeks with Broken Left Foot

Just 25 days away from the start of college football season and already the #1 ranked preseason Oklahoma Sooners has suffered a huge loss. Starting linebacker Travis Lewis broke a bone in his left foot according to ESPN's Jenn Brown and will be out for 8 weeks.

Losing Lewis could be devestating for the Sooners when they travel to FSU on September 17th. Lewis is a weakside linebacker who has led the team in tackles the past 3 seasons with total tackles numbers of 135 (freshman record), 99, and 109. He is a preseason All-American candidate and is viewed as the inspirational team leader after the Sooners lost fellow LB Austin Box whom passed away this offseason.

Replacing Lewis won't be easy. The task will be left to sophomore Corey Nelson who had 21 tackles during his freshman season. Lewis injury won't require surgery according to the team's athletic trainer. An ETA for Lewis return will be the Red River Shootout on October 8th.

This Ultimate Batting Practice Video Would Be Incredible If It Was Real

Clearly it's not real but it's still cool to watch. It's like going to a Michael Bay movie. You know it has no plot or character development but all the action and special effects makes you forget about those essentials.

Caddie Steve Williams Needs A Reality Check

Do you swing the clubs? Negative.

Do you play on the PGA Tour? Negative.

Have you made a shitload of money carrying a bag? Positive.

Did Tiger Woods make you a household name? Positive.

Are you an asshole for your attitude after Tiger fired you? Fucking A.

In conclusion "caddie" Steve Williams comes off as a positive A asshole for taking away the spotlight from Adam Scott's win yesterday at Bridgestone and putting it on himself. You are a fucking bag carrier and a prick to boot. Go suck on that Kiwi.

I'm going to the PGA Championship this week. I think I found my #1 guy to heckle. The douche who carries the sticks who thinks he is the winner of all these tournaments. How about having a little appreciation for Tiger giving you the opportunity to be his caddie? Unbelievable. Stevie comes off as a spoiled brat who just got his BMW taken away because he was late for curfew.

Alabama and Auburn are serious about their football...and their child support

It's called "Operation Iron Snare" and the Lee County (AL) Police Department set up the sting to snag parents who had failed to pay child support. The police department sent out letters to the parents who had failed to pay child support saying they had won tickets to the coveted Alabama_Auburn Iron Bowl Game. When the parent showed up they were arrested. Which makes you wonder why they wouldn't just arrest them at their homes if they knew where they lived? I'm not sure who I feel worse for: the parent or the police officers. Both come off as complete asses. You be the judge.

Friday Funbags