I could see myself doing all of these except the stealing beer part. I'm not a big enough asshole I guess to fake a choking and grab some other dude's beer and chug it in front of them. Granted all bets are off if I see some douche wearing a Yankees hat at Turner Field.
True story I've only snuck into one game without paying in my life. I've gotten plenty of free tickets but actually getting into a packed game without a ticket is hard work. We all know I like to do the least amount of work. Remember C's get degrees kids and they still count as much as straight A's. Anyways I was up in Philly for my college roomie Tobin's wedding. Our flight out to Atlanta on that Sunday was delayed because of some bullshit fog or rain in the ATL. So the wife and I decided to take a shuttle over to Citizen Banks Park to watch the Phillies battle the DBacks. In Atlanta it's easy to get a baseball ticket. You just walk up to the ticket window and buy one. In Philly we found out it doesn't work the same way. They were completely sold out. No standing room tickets. No handicap tickets. Nothing. It was the game before the All-Star break so every inbred Philly fan was there. So I told the wife we had to get in we were just going to have to wing it somehow. Asked a few ushers and they put up the Heisman. The game had already started. Finally spotted a guy frazzled with his kids of course leaving the stadium. And much like the fake baby bottle story I asked if I could have his tickets stubs. He had a diaper or some shit to do so he didn't care. Took the stubs up to the usher and told him we had to run out of the stadium to get our drunk friend a cab or some shit and the usher just let us in. We wound up staying for the whole game and saw the DBacks beat the Phillies. It was great.