KILL ME ALREADY
15 excruciating days left till I fill my fix. Until then we always will have Rocket...

Damn, I miss Tony Robert's calls on Westwood One.

TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY
Ice Cube, aka the poor mans actor's version of Cuba Gooding Jr. these days, had one of the greatest songs/raps back in the day. I have no reason for posting this other than I just ran into it on youtube and felt like giving the readers a little taste into what I used to listen to back in the day. No, I'm not black, but damn, Momma cooked the breakfast with no hog....

WHO'S ASS IS IT?
This might be the easiest one yet. I will give you some clues. She does more blow than the whole 1986 Met's team and blows more pole than Jeff Garcia's fake wife (NSFW).
Click here for answer.

CORWIN'S 3-4 ARMY T-SHIRT
Here is a preview of a new shirt coming out tomorrow for all you Notre Dame fans.

In honor of the new defensive coordinator, Corwin Brown, we decided to make a shirt for people to display the new attitude and philosophy he will bring to the Irish starting this fall.

The first picture is the front of the shirt with the slogan "Corwin's 3-4 Army" and will be available in dark irish green and navy. Both shirts will have gold lettering.


The second picture is the back of the shirt with the Sportscrack logo along with the slogan "Locked and Loaded."


As always a portion of all t-shirt sales will go to the American Cancer Society.
The price of the shirt is $17.

Shirts will go on sale starting tonight at midnight eastern time.

HARMLESS JUVENILE JOKE OF THE DAY

Did you see that Fagg take a pounding in Florida the other day?

Poor Decody Fagg, not only does he play for the Criminoles but he has to endure stupid jokes from assholes with a keyboard.

FURTHER PROOF ARKANSAS WILL LOSE AT LEAST 6 GAMES
Arkansas' off season has been full of crap ever since they lost to Florida in the SEC Championship and it took another bad turn on Monday. Their leading receiver, the 6'6 Giraffe who goes by the name of Marcus Monk is out at least 4-6 weeks with a knee injury.

I'm not a doctor but even I know that knee surgeries are something you just can't slap some Robitussin on it and do some rehab and instantly you are healed. Especially if you are as tall as Monk and have knees similar to Barbaro. I'm not saying we should kill the poor bastard but I do think this is further proof that Arkansas is going to be really bad this season.

Yes, they still have super studs RBs Darren McFadden and Felix Jones but what else? They lost their QB Mitch Mustain. They lost their best defensive players in Jamaal Anderson and Chris Houston. Their coach Houston Nutt is holding on to his sanity by a thread as we speak after all the bullshit he has had to endure from the Arkansas "faith"ful.

Arkansas came out of nowhere last season but this year will be different. Defenses will be keying in on their runningbacks and won't be scared of Dick (Casey Dick that is) hurting them with long sustained drives down their throat. There is just no other way around it...

Arkansas is going to suck Dick.

D-JAX VS D-MAC
Who is the most exciting player in college football? In the PAC-10 we have the elusive, down right scary wide receiver/kick returner in Desean Jackson. Not only does "D-Jax" scare the piss out of opposing defenders but he also can take over a game anytime he gets the ball in his hands.

On the other hand you have "D-Mac" out of the SEC. He is hands down the best runningback in the nation and can score whether running, receiving, or even passing the ball. Arkansas maybe full of psychos let by a Nutt, but they know their team will only go as far as McFadden leads them this season.

Honestly I don't know who is the more exciting player. I'll stay up late to watch Cal games because you know you are going to get at least 3-4 highlight type plays from Desean. The same can be said for Arkansas games with McFadden.

I'm going to leave it up to you. You watch the videos and you be the judge.
Who ever leaves the most compelling argument for their candidate in the comments section will get a free Sportscrack Tee of their choice.

Desean "D-Jax" Jackson highlights:


vs.
Darren "D-Mac" McFadden highlights:


Let the voting begin!

HOW'S IT FEEL BOSTON?
As an Oriole's fan I haven't had much to cheer about in the last decade but this past weekend helped. Not only did my Orioles come back and take the series from the Red Sox, but they did it in dramatic fashion twice off the once indestructible Sox bullpen. Of course we all know the Orioles have no shot of making the playoffs, but all O's fans want is a little hope. Yesterday we got it thanks to another awful appearance by Eric Gagne(great move there Theo).

Take it away Kevin Millar...

GOT DAVE CHAPPELLE TICKETS BITCHES!
I hate Ticketmaster with a passion but I had no alternative...I got Chappelle tickets at the Tabernacle in Atlanta for August 23rd! Not only that but they are 4th row seats. I could literally catch some spit from the funniest man on the planet these days. Fuck, I can't wait, even though it cost me one of my bad kidneys and I will have to pay it off by selling...oh, about 1 million Sportscrack tees.

But who gives a fuck, it's time for some grape drink...

I'm going to sneak in my RCA small wonder and videotape some shit for you guys.

PLEASE BABY JESUS MAKE THIS DIVE GO RIGHT
I got to hand it to Georgia football coach Mark Richt for executing a perfect back flip off a 10 meter platform while his team watched.

As many of you know it's been hotter than a pair of Jessica Alba's panties down here in the South with temperatures over 100 degrees. Richt decided to give his team a break from the miserable heat and treated them to a show which you can view here. I'll give him some props for performing under pressure and nailing the Greg Loose Anus dive.

Now just imagine if Charlie Weis decided to pull off such a stunt. I'm thinking the Pacific Ocean would be big enough for Chuck to land in...barely.

TOM BRADY'S EX-GIRLFRIEND ABOUT TO POP?

Holy sperm! Look at the size of the belly Bridget Moynahan is showcasing these days. I went out of town a few weeks ago thinking she delivered the baby right around Tom's current girlfriends birthday (Giselle Bundchen).

Well, I was wrong. That baby is staying in as long as possible but for what reason? The kid is going to have the easy street as soon as it pops out, what is the reasoning? Unless it knows it's all a sham and it's not really Tom Brady's but some other low life player like....PacMan Jones.

Now that would be entertaining.

THE OFFICIAL "VICK CHEW TOY"
I guess it was only a matter of time till this thing came out...

but I'm actually thinking about buying one as a collector's item.
I wonder if Arthur Blank is the genius behind this item, after all he did coddle him for all those years and now feels he needs to get some vengeance for his mistrust.

Anyways, you can buy the cracked out (look at those eyes) chew toy of Michael Vick so your best friend can chew him a new one at this link.

Apparently some of the proceeds go to fight animal abuse. Sounds like a win-win situation for dogs and dog lovers.

21 DAYS TO GO!
Till LSU and Mississippi State kick off the college football season. Could we have an upset the first game? Not likely, but stranger things have happened.

Enjoy this clip Tiger fan's. Kentucky, well, hmmm, I would recommend sticking with what you know: basketball and Ashley Judd's nipples.

HEY KIDS! I WILL HAUNT YOU IN YOUR DREAMS AND IN YOUR FANTASIES!
Apparently the Pittsburgh Steelers took a page out of Stephen King's "It" and decided to make something that would completely scare the shit out of little kids. Not only that but they gave it a porn name in Steely McBeam. So not only will kids shrivel up and cry the next time they go see a Steeler's game but they will also have traumatic experiences when they get older and start watching porn.

Pittsburgh fans will live in horror for years to come, whether it involves watching football or porn. I can see a young child crying while trying to watch Hines Ward run a slant pattern and decides he wants no more.

And we all know kids who turn off football are either gay or just want to watch a little porn. But now kids all over the greater Pittsburgh area will be whimpering whether making a tackle or tugging the one-eyed purple headed monster.

It's just not right. Where has America gone wrong?



Hey kids, want some candy while we watch football and porn?

ANY GUESSES TO WHO WILL BE STARTING FOR ND?



I'm thinking as of right now Demetrius Jones gets the nod because of his ability to escape the pocket and break off some big runs against Jon Tenuta's aggressive blitzing defenses.

But I want to know what you think.

THESE PEOPLE SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME


I'm sorry San Francisco, but you now pass New Yorkers and Philadelphia's as a fan base who absolutely scare the piss out of me. I'm not sure why everybody is afraid of Oakland. It looks like lollipop dreams and candy cane smiles compared to these fucking wackos.

Hat tip to Deadspin for revealing this video. The audio alone is terrifying...it kind of sounds like what I would imagine Bud Selig does when he masterbates. Pandemonium, sheer pandemonium.

WHO'S ASS IS IT?
I'm not really in the mood to talk about Barry Bonds and his make believe Rafael Palmeiro world of denials because I think it is giving me diarhea. So I leave you with this puzzle of a picture.
Who's round one is it?


Click here to find out.

TAINT YOU VERY MUCH

23 DAYS AWAY!

HOOK EM HORNS!

FINALLY BACK
First off I want to apologize for the light posting the last couple of weeks. I was out of town in Washington,DC working my other job (no, I'm not the prostitute who used to fist David Vitter). "District of Crazy" people as I call it can only be taken in doses. More than two weeks in the summer up there and you will start to threaten people with a lawsuit over a cup of coffee because you thought it was 20 cents cheaper.

It's good to be back in the racially divided city of Atlanta. Kudos to ESPN for trying to bullshit people and bringing up the racism card in the case against Michael Vick. I have known ESPN was a shit network ever since they hired Mark May as one of their "experts" on college football but again they take the cake in that article. They need to stick with what they know: WNBA and auto racing.

So what can you, the loyal reader of this little website called Sportscrack, expect in the next few weeks leading up to my sports heaven which happens to be called College Football kickoff? Lots of college football articles, rants about Barry Bonds, and lots of curse words sprayed in there. Not for the faint of heart, but you guys already knew that.

So I end this post with these words of wisdom:
FUCK ESPN and Mark May.