URBAN MEYER REACTS TO LANE KIFFIN NEWS

Urban Meyer received a text tonight while in attendance of the Kentucky-Florida basketball game. I think he likes the Lane Kiffin news...

LANE KIFFIN IT'S TIME BITCH!

Tennessee fans are taking the whole "Lane Kiffin leaving us to go to Los Angeles" news really good. Check out this classic video of a Volunteers die hard going Southern on his ass...


I will have more on this shitstorm tomorrow. I can't stop laughing. USC and Tennessee both royally fucked in the same day. 2010 just keeps on getting better. CHEAT ON!!!

USC COACHING SEARCH

So far Southern Cal athletic director Mike Garrett is doing an excellent job in nailing down candidates to replace Pete the Cheat Carroll for the head coaching job. Here are his candidates and how they have responded according to confidential sources of SportsCrack:

CANDIDATE #1: MIKE RILEY

FUCK OFF!!!

CANDIDATE #2: JACK DEL RIO

NO ENTIENDO!!!

CANDIDATE #3: LANE KIFFIN

THE PAC-10 IS FOR PUSSIES, NO THANKS KIND SIR!!!


CANDIDATE #4: STEVE SARKISIAN

HAHAHAHAHAHA, DUDE, WE FUCKING BEAT YOU! NO WAY AM I LEAVING UDUB FOR YOUR SINKING SHIP!!!!

CANDIDATE #5: TY WILLINGHAM

HOW FAR AWAY IS PEBBLE BEACH? KIDDING, SIGN ME UP!

PROOF THAT REPORTERS ARE UNDERPAID

PROOF That Reporters Are Underpaid - watch more funny videos

MARK MCGWIRE COMES "CLEAN" AND ADMITS STEROID AND HGH USE

Steroid abuser Mark McGwire finally admitted today to the AP he used steroids for several years while playing professional baseball. In other related news the sky is blue and snow is white. Here is his official statement:

"Now that I have become the hitting coach for the St. Louis Cardinals, I have the chance to do something that I wish I was able to do five years ago.

I never knew when, but I always knew this day would come. It's time for me to talk about the past and to confirm what people have suspected. I used steroids during my playing career and I apologize. I remember trying steroids very briefly in the 1989/1990 off season and then after I was injured in 1993, I used steroids again. I used them on occasion throughout the '90s, including during the 1998 season.

I wish I had never touched steroids. It was foolish and it was a mistake. I truly apologize. Looking back, I wish I had never played during the steroid era.

During the mid-'90s, I went on the DL seven times and missed 228 games over five years. I experienced a lot of injuries, including a ribcage strain, a torn left heel muscle, a stress fracture of the left heel, and a torn right heel muscle. It was definitely a miserable bunch of years and I told myself that steroids could help me recover faster. I thought they would help me heal and prevent injuries, too.

I'm sure people will wonder if I could have hit all those home runs had I never taken steroids. I had good years when I didn't take any and I had bad years when I didn't take any. I had good years when I took steroids and I had bad years when I took steroids. But no matter what, I shouldn't have done it and for that I'm truly sorry.

Baseball is really different now -- it's been cleaned up. The commissioner and the players' association implemented testing and they cracked down, and I'm glad they did.

I'm grateful to the Cardinals for bringing me back to baseball. I want to say thank you to Cardinals owner Mr. DeWitt, to my GM, John Mozeliak, and to my manager, Tony La Russa. I can't wait to put the uniform on again and to be back on the field in front of the great fans in Saint Louis. I've always appreciated their support and I intend to earn it again, this time as hitting coach. I'm going to pour myself into this job and do everything I can to help the Cardinals hitters become the best players for years to come.

After all this time, I want to come clean. I was not in a position to do that five years ago in my congressional testimony, but now I feel an obligation to discuss this and to answer questions about it. I'll do that, and then I just want to help my team."

In other words Mark McGwire is pulling the old Pete Rose and finally admitting he did something wrong in order to be back in the good graces of Bud Selig and baseball. Good for him. He still will never get in the Hall of Fame but at least now he can move on and not live in the shadows of denial. I was a big McGwire fan when I was little and even went out to Oakland in 1989 to see him play. He lived up to his home run hype by slugging one off the Budweiser sign in left field that day. It just sucks to look back at it and realize he was cheating baseball and himself to accomplish pretty much everything he did in baseball. Tainted it to say the least.

RAVENS FANS DO IT DOGGYSTYLE

This Baltimore Ravens fan lost a bet in which he promised to run through an electric fence for his labrador if the Patriots lost the game. I guess he figured Tom Brady's 23-0 record at home would hold up in Gillette Stadium. Deadspin has the video of the now famous face of a Baltimore Ravens football fanatic gone wild. Take a look.



Hopefully this week he bets to put it on his nutsack if they beat the Colts. They need the mojo.

USC TROJANS EMPIRE OFFICIALLY CRUMBLING

If you are a fan of any other team beside the USC Trojans you had to be reveling in the fact that before your eyes the once mighty Trojans football infrastructure is crumbling faster than Pete Carroll left town in the middle of the night to go "Winless in Seattle." After an uncharasistic 4 loss season in Southern Cal after 8 years of dominance in the PAC 10 with the program on the verge of NCAA sanctions because of the Reggie Bush and Joe McKnight scandals it appears ole Pete the Cheat (HT: George Lee) is getting his ass back to the NFL as quickly as possible.

If you follow this blog you probably should know I'm not the biggest USC and/or Pete Carroll fan in the world. In fact I loathe them so if you are looking for a fair and balanced view on them you have to come to the wrong place. Hell we invented the FUSC shirt. With that being said it was just a matter of time before USC fucked things up. College football is cyclical in terms of dominance. People tend to forget that USC, before Pete Carroll arrived with his shit eating grin, were a consistent 6-8 wins a season max team for 15 plus seasons. They were in essence the Notre Dame of today. A once proud program who should dominate but made mistake after mistake in terms of head coaching decisions. Pete the Cheat brought back the Fight On (or Cheat On) mentality to the Trojan World and completely wiped up recruiting west of the Mississippi. Simply the law of college football averages is catching up with USC.

Already the five star recruits such as Kyle Prater and Dillon Baxter have decommitted from USC and now appear to be heading elsewhere. Backup QB Aaron Corp transfered to Richmond. Everson Griffin, McKnight, and Damian Williams are all leaving early for the NFL not to mention Taylor Mays is graduating. The once mighty ship of USC is sinking fast. And if you are wondering how USC players and recruits are finding out about ole Pete the Cheat's departure well then you should check your text messages. Yes, Petey didn't have the dignity to tell them face-to-face or even by phone call that he was leaving. He sent them a fucking text message. Cold man.

So now that USC dominance is coming to an end it joins Miami and FSU as programs on the decline while Alabama, Florida, Texas, and Oklahoma remain the upper echelon of college football powers. USC will now be scrambling to get a head coach and it won't be Mike Riley who signed an extension with Oregon State and it won't be Lane Kiffin who is building something special in Knoxville. They could go after alums Jeff Fischer or Jake Del Rio but they would have to leave high paying NFL head coaching jobs to go back to college. Not likely. Jim Harbaugh would be a good fit and I honestly hope he doesn't go because I think he is one of the better college coaches in the game. Notre Dame snagged up Brian Kelly and Steve Sarkisian looks pretty comfortable in Washington at this moment.

I've heard Paul Hackett is available. Just throwing it out there.

USC FOOTBALL 2010:

UGA'S TRAVIS LESLIE DUNKS ON KENTUCKY'S DEMARCUS COUSINS

GOD ISN'T A COLT MCCOY FAN

Congralutions go out to the Alabama Crimson Tide team and their fans on a well deserved National Title. I think it was clear last night that God had money on Alabama covering the spread because he knocked out Texas QB Colt McCoy with a shoulder injury at the start of the game. With McCoy in there I think Texas wins. With the win Alabama wins their 8th consensus National Championship (the other 5 Bama claims are about as significant as my mid afternoon shit, the smell rotten more than anything) and now all the fans from other SEC schools can claim this championship as their own. Which is fucking stupid by the way and proves that most SEC fans are either inbred or George Bush. Just because the Yankees won another championship last year doesn't make me proud the AL East is the "toughest" division in baseball as an Orioles fan. Seriously people. Go drink your Moonshine and realize that Alabama winning a championship only helps them and actually hurts your favorite SEC team.

BCS TITLE GAME PREDICTION

For the past month I have been hearing from everybody how SEC power Alabama is going to absolutely destroy Texas in Pasadena tonight. And I can see their point. Alabama crushed Florida in their conference championship while Texas survived on a last second field goal to beat Suh/Nebraska. Those two which were played on December 5th 2009 mind you told us that Alabama played their best game of the season while Texas played their absolute worst. I expect a different outcome tonight for these reasons:

-Alabama knows the SEC is 5-0 in BCS Title games and everybody expects them to win if they just show up. Sounds similar to 4 years ago when everybody expected USC to run all over Texas before Vince Young changed history.

-Alabama has the current Heisman Trophy winner, Mark Ingram, on their roster. Heisman winners usually play like shit in BCS Title games and their teams lose. In fact they are 1-5 in title games. I think the Longhorns will stuff Ingram tonight because honestly he isn't that good.

-Mack Brown will outwit Nick Saban. Yes, I know it sounds ludicrous. But what I think Brown can do for Texas tonight is pull out all the tricks and surprise a Tide team who thinks they are better than Texas.

-I think Texas is better than Alabama on a neutral field.

Prediction: Texas 28 Alabama 24-Granted the majority of my bowl predictions have been wrong so far, you might want to bet your mortgage on Bama covering.

LEE CORSO PULLS A NOT SO FAST ONE ON A BLIND CANCER KID

I meant to post this last week but on College GameDay on the first of the year Lee Corso pulled the ultimate asshole move. Jake Olson is the kid with sunglasses who has been an inspiration to the USC football team this season. Jake has lost his eyesight due to cancer and was making a guest appearance on the GameDay show giving his predictions. The kid was actually really good and very insightful when it came to predicting the games. Lee Corso of course was not going to be upstaged by Jake and pulled the ultimate dick move at the end. Watch it...



Now that is cold. I can't wait to see the GameDay signs next season making fun of Corso for being an ass to a blind kid. You can see Chris Fowler try to amend the situation by grabbing Jake's hand but it was way too late. Herbie leans over to Corso in the Duck's head and laughs "You're an Asshole!"

Gold Jerry, Gold!

WORLD'S SHORTEST FAIRY TALE

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?'

TheGirl said, 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after and rode

Motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot

And drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and

Left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.


The End.


HT: Dan

MATT HOLLIDAY SIGNS WITH CARDINALS

Matt Holliday announced today on the Doug Gottlieb Show on ESPN radio that he has decided to re-sign with the St. Louis Cardinals with a 7 year deal reportedly worth between $119-120 million. Wow! This is a great contract for Holliday because he will be staying in a baseball city in St. Louis and will be getting way over payed while doing it. Listen, when I think of franchise players who should make $100 million plus the names of Albert Pujols, Alex Rodriguez, Derek Jeter, and Manny Ramirez come to mind. Those guys deserve every dollar they get because they bring fans to the park and put up monster numbers year in and out. I don't think of Holliday as the same guy. This doesn't mean he can't be one of those guys but I just think his career has benefited greatly from playing in Coors Field and the Cardinals are now going to pay him to put up 40 plus home runs a season with 120 plus RBI's as a marque player. I don't see it happening.

Granted the Cardinals couldn't afford to lose Hollida since besides Pujols and Ryan Ludwick their lineup has very little proven power it just seems that they went beyond what it should have taken to re-sign him. The Yankees, Red Sox, and Mets were NOT negotiating with Holliday. From reports I have read it sounded like the only other contender for Holliday's services was the Baltimore Orioles. A team with 12 consecutive losing seasons. He wasn't going to go to Baltimore unless they offered him $150 million.

So what does Albert Pujols get now since Holliday is getting paid more? Honestly I think Pujols deserves at least $30 million a season, probably more. He is the best player in the game and he should never play for anybody else besides the Redbirds. He is the face of the franchise not named Stan Musial. Pujols is a free agent after the 2011 season. If the Cardinals are willing to spend like the Red Sox and Yankees do ($140 million plus a season) then it shouldn't be a problem giving Pujols a huge extension while paying for Holliday and adding other stars to fill out their roster. But this doesn't look like it will be the case. Starting pitchers Chris Carpenter and Adam Wainwright will be free agents soon. They won't be taking hometown discounts so the Cardinals could lose at least one of them if not both of them. Without pitching it doesn't matter how good Pujols and Holliday perform.

This is just another reason why baseball needs a salary cap.

A TIGER WOODS SEX TAPE?

TMZSports caught up with Vivid Entertainment president Steven Hirsch who apparently was approached by one of Tiger's many mistresses claiming she had a sex tape with him and was shopping the rights...



Right now it looks like we will not be seeing it since Tiger has to give his permission to release the tape. But like the steroid scandal in baseball this is due to leak out in someway in the future. If only Congress could stop talking about the BCS and get to more important things like Tiger's Wood.

CHRIS HENRY'S FIANCEE SEEMS INTELLIGENT AND INNOCENT

If the roles were reversed and it was Chris Henry who was driving the car and she died there is no doubt in my mind he would be in jail. Instead he is dead thanks to her. Crazy bitches always get the benefit of the doubt. Just ask this "fan"...

MATT KEMP IS FU....UM... DATING RIHANNA

As you can see Los Angeles Dodger's centerfielder Matt Kemp has a promising career ahead of him. Not only is he a budding superstar in baseball but he knows the fundamentals: always keep both hands on when following through to create more power. Thanks to TMZSports we will now have paparazzi stalking professional athletes. ALL RIGHT!!!

ALABAMA RETAIL OUTLETS ALREADY JUMPING THE GUN

Mack Brown might want to put this ad up in the Texas locker room to get his players foaming at the mouth. I know Bama fans are confident they can handle the Longhorns but you already have the Heisman jinx (Mark Ingram) working against you and the fact that every media pundit has picked Bama in a rout. Academy Sports might be donating a lot of clothes to Africa starting January 8th.

Image HT: Clay Travis

GEORGIA TECH VS IOWA: THE BATTLE OF SHITTY WHITE RAPPERS

Tonight's Orange Bowl match up pits the Ramblin Wreck of Georgia Tech versus the Cornfed Hawkeyes of Iowa. I'm taking the hometown Yellow Jackets and the points at -4 so you should just go ahead and bet everything on Iowa because all of my picks this bowl season have been absolutely retarded.

The real question isn't who wins tonight but who has the worst rap song by pasty white folks...

Iowa comes in strong with this depressing video...


But I got to go with "The Perfect Option" only because they score points with actual players appearing in the video...

THE WHEEL OF FORTUNE HATES OUR MILITARY

Via the always hilarious BarStoolSports comes this video of Pat Sajak from "Wheel of Fortune" basically telling our armed troops to go fuck themselves with their pronunciation. At first I thought this video was BS but apparently it's real which is sad. Seriously, who gives a fuck if you mispronounced Kelly Ripa's name? I could understand if these were foreigners on "The Wheel" but this is our military. No need to embarrass them. I guess our freedom is only allowed when spoken correctly. God bless America.

TERRENCE "MOUNT" CODY GOT HIS EDUMACATION AT BAMA

It's refreshing to see that these major college football program "student"-athletes like Alabama's behemoth Terrence Cody are more concerned about earning their degree than stupid stuff like slutty jersey-chasing girls and drugs. Take for instance this story on ESPN in regards to Cody's "major"...

Later, Cody was talking about being on track to graduate in May and said he still needed two more classes. Somebody asked him what his degree was in. He paused, stammered for a few seconds, looked up and smiled and then muttered something under his breath.

“I keep forgetting it … consumer science, I think,” Cody said.

Let's just be honest with ourselves and say that if you go to play big boy college football such as the SEC conference your major is football. No reason to bullshit us.