Yeah that's not one of those text messages you want to be exchanging with your Mom.
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This is why Atlanta gets a bad rap as a sports town. Former Atlanta Falcon and puppy killer Michael Vick is still a piece of shit but because he can throw a ball far and run real fast idiots still want to dish out money for his autograph. I love how the lady starts crying. Bitch Michael Vick doesn't give two shits about you. If you were a dog he would piss on you and electrocute you. I also love the guy who tries to rationalize Vick's behavior that landed him in jail. Yep, child rapists and murderers get less jail time than Vick. Yeah that makes a lot of fucking sense. I honestly can't even fathom how big of a fucking loser you have to be to stand in line and pay $119 for Vick's autograph. Also you could tell how much Vick was enjoying meeting his fans. Look at that huge smile on his face. Yes sir he is the people's champion if I have ever seen one.
You may remember Yankees Super fan Michael LaPayower from last season when he did that brilliant Katy Perry remix-style Yankees song. I'm disappointed Michael. First off the choice in music. The "Rocky" theme belongs to the city of Philadelphia. So already you are telling me you are a closet Phillies fan. Second we need to hear more of your voice. It speaks for a generation of Yankees fans out there. You represent them. Show some fucking pride for Jeter and A-Rod and get their numbers tattooed on the small of your back. That's what true Yankees fans do. It's okay though. Spring Training is just starting. I expect you to be in top condition come April though. More videos to show your love for the Yankees. Make my job easier.
Here is the brilliant Yankees Land video from 2010. How this didn't win a Grammy I will never know.
Next time Serene you might want to stop eating the peanut butter sandwiches before you go on-air. Be a little more professional will ya!
Apparently she had a small stroke. I'm calling bull shit. She fucked up with her one chance of reporting a live story. I don't feel bad for Serene. With the dawn of the YouTube era she is going to be more famous than Katie Kouric by next week. Book it!
Speaking of Grammy Awards, why do so many people give a rat's ass about it? Last night it was a bitching fest on Facebook about how so and so didn't win and this person sucked and blah blah. Dude it's fucking music. No respectful musician gives a shit about a Grammy. Milli fucking Vanilli won a Grammy.
In conclusion: award shows are stupid and the people who follow them are probably the same idiots who attend church because they think it will send them to heaven. God bless all of you but I really know all of you are going to hell. Sweet dreams.
Video via BarStoolSports
Denver Nuggets superstar and Baltimore native Carmelo Anthony has put his customized 1971 Chevy Chevelle up for auction on Ebay. If you are a Baltimore Orioles fan you will love the customized features Carmelo did as a tribute to his hometown. It's got the full current Bird logo on the front hood and it has the old cartoon style bird from the 70's/early 80's near the back left quarter panel. With a just day left in the auction the current bid stands at $18,500. The proceeds from the auction sale go to the Carmelo Anthony fund to get his ass out of Denver.
The Ole Ball Coach picked up his most highly sought after recruit since he arrived at South Carolina today when the #1 recruit in the nation, defensive end Jadeveon Clowney, picked the Cocks over Clemson and Alabama. Clowney is a certifiable man-child at 6'5 but will still need to put on some weight at the collegiate level. Currently he is 245 and even with his speed most offensive tackles in the SEC wouldn't have a problem blocking him out. If he adds the muscle between now and the fall then you could see him make a Jevon Kearse-like impact. The kid is a freak and is a huge get for a South Carolina program that continues to trend upwards. The Cocks should be the favorite to win the SEC East again in 2011.
UPDATE: As we have been informed by Lorie it looks like Clowney will need to pull a lot of strings to get academically qualified for the 2011 season. Basically his grades blow. He should fit in well with the SEC then.
Buster is right. The Orioles have a Yankees-type lineup. Here is how their lineup will look opening day barring no major injuries in spring training:
1. Brian Roberts (2b)
2. Nick Markakis (RF)
3. Derrek Lee (1B)
4. Vlad Guerrero (DH)
5. Luke Scott (LF)
6. Mark Reynolds (3B)
7. Adam Jones (CF)
8. Matt Wieters (C)
9. JJ Hardy (SS)
You can't argue the O's lineup has the ability to put a lot of runs on the board this season. Unlike the Yankees the Orioles aren't relying on mostly older players on the wrong side of their 30's to produce. Guys like Markakis, Reynolds, Jonesy, and Wieters could all have huge seasons with the veteran additions of Lee and Vlad for protection. With a healthy Roberts in the leadoff spot and a consistent OBP season from Markakis the two vets in Lee and Vlad will have plenty of chances to drive in runs. I would rate this lineup second only to the Red Sox in the AL East.
The pitching is what could be their downfall. The bullpen should be solid but the starters are mostly young guns who have yet to prove themselves. If they can get Brian Matusz and Jake Arrieta to pitch to their hype coming out of the minor league system then the O's could make a solid run for the Wild Card.
You have to think the Rays, Blue Jays, and Yankees all took serious steps back this offseason. The Rays lost Carl Crawford, Carlos Pena, Jason Bartlett, Matt Garza, and the majority of their bullpen. Those are not replaceable parts. The Yankees didn't sign Cliff Lee and besides C.C. Sabathia their starting rotation is questionable at best. Plus they are not getting any younger. The Blue Jays traded away Vernon Wells and Shawn Marcum.
Here is my early AL East Prediction Finish:
1. Boston Red Sox-best team in the majors
2. Baltimore Orioles-most improved team in the majors, wins Wild Card
3. New York Yankees-age is catching up with them
4. Tampa Bay Rays-lost too many key pieces from last season
5. Toronto Blue Jays-young team that could contend in 2012
WWTDD have the pics of Jersey Shore's JWoww leaving little to the imagination last night at some fashion show with a see through dress. Just like we all knew before: Jersey girls are nothing but class. Any by class I mean whores. Dirty ones.
Seriously how do you keep a straight face? Every time the reporter says Harry Baals with his lisp I start giggling like a little girl.
Via ExtraMustard
There is lesson to be learned here. Never start fighting words with a stocky dude covered in tattoos with a handlebar beard and a tacky Ed Hardy/Affliction shirt on. There is a pretty good chance you will be tasting your nose for the next 2-3 months.
ESPN's Draft dipshit Todd McShay released his latest NFL Draft 2011 mock draft yesterday and surprisingly he didn't have Jake Locker going #1. I say surprisingly because McShay had Locker's cock firmly in grip within the back of his throat for the past two seasons. I guess now he has seen what most of college football already knew: Locker is more average than great. Here is a look at his first round with some random thoughts from me.
1. Carolina Panthers
Record: 2-14
Da'Quan Bowers, DE, Clemson*
My take: Makes sense with none of the quarterbacks this year being close to sure things. Bowers is a Julius Peppers clone and should start right away.
2. Denver Broncos
Record: 4-12
Nick Fairley, DT, Auburn*
My take: Fairley is either going to be a great NFL player or a complete bust. He came out of nowhere to dominate last season. The Broncos need help in the trenches so the pick makes sense but I don't think anybody should expect Fairley to be the next Suh.
3. Buffalo Bills
Record: 4-12
Von Miller, OLB, Texas AM
My take: This makes perfect sense for the Bills. Draft a late first round guy like Miller at the #3 overall slot. Fucking Canadians.
4. Cincinnati Bengals
Record: 4-12
A.J. Green, WR, Georgia*
My take: Green is the best wide receiver to come out since Calvin Johnson. With Carson Palmer gone though they might take Blaine Gabbert here.
5. Arizona Cardinals
Record: 5-11
Blaine Gabbert, QB, Missouri
My take: I don't really see the fascination with Gabbert but what the fuck do I know. The Cardinals desperately need a QB and Gabbert appears to be the clear front runner in a rather pedestrian QB class.
6. Cleveland Browns
Record: 5-11
Marcell Dareus, DT, Alabama*
My take: I think Dareus is going to be a good pro. I could see him making the Pro Bowl a few times.
7. San Francisco 49ers
Record: 6-10
Patrick Peterson, CB, LSU*
My take: If Peterson lasts this long I would be shocked. He might be the best talent in this draft regardless of position. This pick would be similar to when they got Patrick Willis or the Ravens got Ray Lewis. There is no reason they should drop out of the top 5 and Peterson is one of those guys.
8. Tennessee Titans
Record: 6-10
Prince Amukamara, CB, Nebraska
My take: Personally I think Prince is overrated. I've seen him get torched too many times in college to not think he will be anything special in the NFL.
9. Dallas Cowboys
Record: 6-10
J.J. Watt, DE, Wisconsin*
My take: Watt is good but I would rather have Ryan Kerrigan. Rumors are floating the Cowboys might trade Dez Bryant so don't be shocked if they move up or down from this spot.
10. Washington Redskins
Record: 6-10
Cam Newton, QB, Auburn*
My take: Like Fairley I think Cam is either going to be a stud or a bust. If I'm the Redskins I'm willing to take the chance here on Cam. You might catch lightning in a bottle.
11. Houston Texans
Record: 6-10
Jimmy Smith, CB, Colorado
My take: Who?
12. Minnesota Vikings
Record:6-10
Robert Quinn, DE, North Carolina*
My take: I love this pick. I think Quinn would be great working on the opposite side of Jared Allen.
13. Detroit Lions
Record: 6-10
Nate Solder, OT, Colorado
My take: How does Colorado have two first round guys yet still suck balls? It might be a good idea to protect Stafford.
14. St. Louis Rams
Record: 7-9
Julio Jones, WR, Alabama*
My take: Wide receivers drafted in the first round have the greatest bust ratio. Julio could keep that tradition going but he is worth the risk for the Rams since their receivers are terrible.
15. Miami Dolphins
Record: 7-9
Mark Ingram, RB, Alabama*
My take: Ingram is a solid back but don't the Dolphins already have Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams?
16. Jacksonville Jaguars
Record: 8-8
Adrian Clayborn, DE, Iowa
My take: Had a disappointing senior season but has the potential to be a star in the NFL.
17. New England Patriots (from Oakland)
Record: 14-2
Cameron Jordan, DE, California
My take: I think the Patriots go RB here especially if Mark Ingram is available.
18. San Diego Chargers
Record: 9-7
Aldon Smith, DE/OLB, Missouri*
My take: Not really familiar with Smith so I can't say much.
19. New York Giants
Record: 10-6
Tyron Smith, OT, USC*
My take: Giants need offensive line help so this pick makes sense.
20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Record: 10-6
Ryan Kerrigan, DE, Purdue*
My take: Besides Peterson this might be the steal of the draft. Kerrigan is a top 10 player in my opinion.
21. Kansas City Chiefs
Record: 10-6
Akeem Ayers, OLB, UCLA*
My take: Ayers is a very good player and was the lone bright spot on UCLA last season. I like this pick.
22. Indianapolis Colts
Record: 10-6
Anthony Castonzo, OT, Boston College
My take: Big guy who didn't impress when I saw him live.
23. Philadelphia Eagles
Record: 10-6
Gabe Carimi, OT, Wisconsin
My take: Meh.
24. New Orleans Saints
Record: 11-5
Justin Houston, OLB, Georgia*
My take: A lot of potential here in Houston for the Saints. Personally I would like to see him dip to the Falcons.
25. Seattle Seahawks
Record: 7-9
Jake Locker, QB, Washington
My take: Pete Carroll can't be this stupid? Right? Anyone?
26. Baltimore Ravens
Record: 12-4
Randall Cobb, WR, Kentucky*
My take: I like Cobb but I think if they take a receiver they go local and take Torrey Smith out of Maryland. Cobb is a bigger play guy though. With that being said the Ravens will probably draft a defensive player.
27. Atlanta Falcons
Record: 13-3
Mike Pouncey, C/G, Florida
My take: If he is as good as his twin I have no problem with this pick. The Falcons need defensive help though so I would love to see them get somebody for the front 7 here.
28. New England Patriots
Record: 14-2
Dan Watkins, G, Baylor
My take: No fucking clue.
29. Chicago Bears
Record: 11-5
Corey Liuget, DT, Illinois*
My take: Great pick. Liuget is going to be a good one for the Bears.
30. New York Jets
Record: 11-5
Phil Taylor, NT, Baylor
My take: I don't see the Jets taking Taylor this high.
31. Pittsburgh Steelers
Record: 12-4
Benjamin Ijalana, OT, Villanova
My take: Never seen him play.
32. Green Bay Packers
Record: 12-4
Muhammad Wilkerson, DE, Temple*
My take: Same as above.
Isn't it comforting to know while you sit and pick your nose at your shitty fucking job the Giant's Pat Burrell is out banging skanks? While many of us are planning on what kind of flowers and dinner we need to line up for Valentine's Day just so we can hopefully get some action that night Burrell is running fucking trains while wearing a gimp outfit with hotties left and right. The jealousy scale just shattered after seeing these pics over at BarStoolSports. This is probably just another boring Monday for Burrell. In case you were wondering Barry Zito is taking the pictures in between bong shots and blow jobs. It's a tough life ya know.
Images via BarStoolSports
I guess the FCC doesn't want you to know how the Aluminum can was conceived. I'm a little disappointed this wasn't shown. What exactly is wrong with can and bottle sex? Is the FCC trying to tell us it only promotes can on can or bottle on bottle sex?
What a bunch of conservative a-holes!
This is straight up bukkake if I have ever fucking seen bukkake right here. Two of the NFL's biggest stars in Ray Lewis and Drew Bress just blowing their Pepsi Max over everybody. It's gross and I can't believe a major corporation like Pepsi and the NFL would allow shit like this. No wonder they can't come to terms on a collective bargaining agreement. They are too busy blowing their shit all over the face of the league to realize it. Now go sit in timeout NFL and get back to us when you are ready to behave yourself.
Frathouse Sports has broken the story of college basketball's player of the year Jimmer Fredette has himself a girlfriend. Yeah shocker right? Her name is Whitney Wonnacott (seriously that is her last name) and she is a BYU cheerleader. It's crazy to think the star basketball player would be dating the hot cheerleader because I mean that kind of shit never happens. Honestly I could careless about who Jimmer Fredette is dating. If the guy doesn't make in the NBA I'm sure he could do just fine with the ladies. Hell the guy has an acting career ahead of him. Don't tell me he couldn't land the lead role in "Social Network 2."
You can check out more pictures of Jimmer and Whitney at Frathouse Sports if you are into checking out that kind of shit.
Now this is one Hebrew honey worth fighting a war over. While we are sitting in our offices or at home freezing our asses off Leonardo is straight crushing this on the beach.
For all intended purposes Villanova should have won at Rutgers last night. Watch the last two minutes of the game and you tell me how in the holy hell did Rutgers pull this out?
For some of the gamblers out there who had Nova on the moneyline last night you got royally fucked. I'm one of them. There is no fucking way you can blow a 5 point lead with less than 12 seconds left on the clock without there being some kind of fix in. Now whether it was set up by the Nova players or the referees I can't definitively answer. It could be both. First off Nova starts turning over the ball. A lot. Second off how was the last second three-pointer a foul? Did he fart on him or something because the Nova defender sure as hell didn't touch him. I've looked at the replay about 10 times and I can't see any contact. This makes me think the men in stripes had money on Rutgers. The line was -8 in favor of Nova so it couldn't have meant the refs had dough on the line. But if you had money on the moneyline for Rutgers to straight out win it paid over 7-to-1. Yep. The refs wanted Rutgers to win. This game has Tim Donaghy shit stains all over it.
