Stevie Has Been Absolutely Hilarious This Season on Eastbound and Down

Stevie and Kenny Powers gotta have their FIXINGS!  Taters N Tits is such a genius move.  It's like the creator of SnapChat who just turned down $3 billion.  I mean who wants $3 billion when you can hold out for so much more.  Pure genius right?

Anywho Stevie has been fucking spot on all season on Eastbound and Down.  The contacts and fake chin just add to his mystique.  Stevie is basically the Scottie Pippen to Kenny Power's Michael Jordan.  The Lou Gehrig of his generation you could say.  Stevie is under the radar fucking hysterical.  Because make no mistake Eastbound and Down isn't winning without Stevie.  But even Stevie the loser he is portrayed to be can only take so much from Kenny...





Here are some more highlights of Stevie Janowski....Season 4 MVP no doubt.

I Wonder What Michael Jordan Thinks of Maple Jordan Andrew Wiggins

There is your answer.  His airness Michael Jordan is more worried about beer pong than Andrew Wiggins.  Wiggins aka "Maple Jordan" was spectacular last night in his first prime time TV performance vs Duke.  Maple Jordan was 9-for-15 from the field while scoring 22 points and grabbing 8 rebounds.  Kansas held on to beat Duke 94-83 despite another elite freshman superstar named Jabari Parker going off for Duke with 27 points.

With Wiggins, Parker, Julius Randle of Kentucky, Wayne Selden of Kansas, and Aaron Gordon of Arizona all making huge impacts as freshmen I honestly can't think of a class more exciting than this one in recent basketball history.

Maybe now we will actually pay attention to college basketball before college football is over.  This season at least appears worth it.  Tons of legit diaper dandies and 5-6 upper echelon programs with shots at the National Title.

Picture via TheBigLead

For Some Reason The Braves Didn't Tell Dan Uggla Of The Impending Move

No idea why.  Apparently BJ Upton missed the memo too.

Steve Spurrier Will Replace Will Muschamp At Florida Soon

The uber talented Florida Gators now have a gravely record of 4-5 after suffering their 4th straight loss, this time to Vanderbilt.  Fucking Vandy crushed them.  Head coach Will Muschamp has to be gone.  Best case scenario is they go 5-7 because there is no way they beat South Carolina or FSU to finish the season.  Which leads us to Spurrier.  He's coming for you Muschump.  He wants your soul.  He needs it.  He feeds off it.  Dead man walking in Gainesville.

Is Florida even a top 10 team in the SEC?  I can make a good argument they are not.  Back in the day you couldn't find more than 3 teams in the whole nation better than the Gators.  Now they aren't even top 10 in their own conference.  Fucking pathetic.

1. Alabama

2. Mizzou

3. Auburn

4. Texas A&M

5. South Carolina

6. LSU

7. Ole Miss

8. Vanderbilt

9. Georgia

10. Tennessee

11. Florida

12. Mississippi State

13. Kentucky

14. Arkansas

Atlanta Braves Announce Shocking Move To Cobb Galleria/Cumberland Mall Area

First initial reaction: Holy Shit.

Second reaction: I love it.

I've been an Atlanta Braves fan since my family moved down south from Maryland back in the early 80's.  I used to go to games in the old Fulton County Stadium when there were only a couple of thousand people in attendance.  I've also been to sold out games there in the early 90's and have enjoyed games at the Ted since 1997.  But the game day atmosphere and surrounding area is fucking horrible.  I'm sorry to burst your bubbles fellow Braves fan but it just is.  Go to Camden Yards or Wrigley Field or Fenway Park or Petco Park or St. Louis or Coors Field or even San Francisco.  There is actually stuff to do around the stadium like visit a pub or a store and enjoy the game day atmosphere without fear of being mugged.  Yes even in Baltimore you are less likely to be mugged around Camden Yards than Turner Field.  This is a very smart move by the Braves.

Also since 2004 I've lived over in the Vinings/Smyrna area until recently moving to Alpharetta (two weeks ago).  The Braves will move there in 2017 and there are plenty of amenities, restaurants, and daily activities to do in the Cobb Galleria area instead of just seeing a ball game.  Attendance should go up dramatically not only because it's a new stadium but it's a lot more convenient to get to for people looking to buy season tickets.  Look the commute to the current stadium sucks.  And yes traffic all around metro Atlanta blows but I guarantee you will have a lot more people in attendance from the Kennesaw, Woodstock, Alpharetta, Roswell, East Cobb areas that are so vital to bringing in money for the Braves organization.  It's a business move for sure and it's a smart one.

It will be sort of difficult to say good bye to The Ted especially since it's only 16 years old (opened in 1997).  But there is nothing really unique or homely in regards to it currently.  Camden Yards, Wrigley, Fenway, Petco, etc all have unique features that make it feel like it's a part of history and the community.  The Ted always felt out of place in my opinion.  It was originally built as the Olympic Stadium and converted to the Braves home one year after.  It just never felt like a stadium where you could build fond family memories.  Honestly I was always worried about leaving after dark with my daughter in tote.

Now I just can't wait till 2017 to see the new stadium.  Hopefully the Braves do it up right and make it look like a Camden Yards or a Wrigley Field and not that monstrosity in South Florida. Don't make it bigger than 40K in seats and have plenty of parking around it. You got to have a designated "tailgating area" with grass and tables. Make it warm and inviting and not like a concrete jungle.  The good news if you don't want to tailgate or eat at the new ballpark you can walk from plenty of restaurants such as Cinco's, PF Changs, Hooters, Maggiano's, Stoney River, Tilted Kilt, etc.

 What are your thoughts on the Braves moving out of Atlanta?

For more info on the Braves move into a new stadium in 2017 visit their website HOMEOFTHEBRAVES.COM

Maple Jordan Basketball Shirts Now Available For Sale!

Now available for PRE ORDER is our brand new completely original MAPLE JORDAN shirt!  This soft Hanes Blend 50/50 cotton polyester t-shirt comes in royal blue with white and red screenprinted graphics on the front and back.  This shirt is sure to be the hottest thing on the court this basketball season!

A portion of all sales goes to the American Cancer Society.

Shipping starts November 13th.

ORDER HERE TODAY!  Limited edition shirt.

Some New Custom and Rare Notre Dame and Oregon Helmets In Our Store

We got a couple of new items in stock.  The first one is the new Schutt Notre Dame Authentic Full Size  XP helmets with the new gold.  They also have the brand new metallic gold facemask.  These are the same helmets the players wear.  Comes with the same padding inside, chinstrap and has the American Flag sticker on the back.  

Also we got the 2013 Shamrock Series desk caddy.  These are just like the regular Shamrock Series mini helmets but they have containers on top to put utensils, pens and business cards.  This is a very cool item perfect for any desk or office.

Also in stock is the new Oregon Lightning Mini Helmet.  Very sharp looking and a perfect present for the upcoming holidays.

Last but certainly not least is the Oregon Liquidmetal Mini Helmet.  They don't get much cooler than this mini helmet.

Be sure to check out our STORE PAGE for other great items.  With Christmas right around the corner SportsCrack.com is your one stop shop for the hard-to-get fan.

TOP 10 COLLEGE FOOTBALL TEAMS

We are finally back!  We had to move the SportsCrack headquarters up to the burbs and in the meantime AT&T U-Verse kept throwing us devastating Navy chop blocks to the back of our legs with delays reaching a month for service.  So we threw a hail mary over to Comcast and the fuckers came down with the catch.  Thank God.  I started questioning my own sexuality being in the dark so long.  I felt like I was in solitary coming off a heroin addiction.  You question everything in life when you don't have cable or internet for over two weeks.  I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy.  Actually I would.  Michigan you can have it.

Anyways I'm starting to catch up with my college football.  I missed a couple of key games but I managed to read up on them.  Here are my top 10 teams.

1.  Bama - Until the champ goes down you have to put them up at the top.  I know people are already starting to bitch and moan about their schedule being too easy but it really it isn't.  It's just that Bama is that fucking good.  They get LSU this week which should give them their biggest challenge yet.

2.  Oregon - The Ducks were off last week to prepare for their HUGE Thursday night game vs Stanford.  Last year the Nerds beat them 17-14 in Eugene on their way to a PAC-12 Championship.  This year Scoregon will be looking to get some revenge in Palo Alto.

3.  FSU - Famous Jameis and the Semenholes look like the FSU of old.  They got their swagger back and have run over two...clears throat..."Top 10" teams in convincing fashion.  I don't see them losing another game this season unless Winston gets hurt.  Yes, the Seminoles are back.

4.  Ohio State - Urban Meyer still has not lost a game in Columbus and he probably won't all season.  The only problem is their schedule is the fattest piece of cake you will ever consume for a major BCS conference team.  They are going to need a lot of help to leap into the top 2 of the BCS Standings.

5.  Baylor - The Bears are my Cinderella team.  I'm pulling for them big time.  I couldn't even tell you where Baylor is located on the map of Texas but I do know their offense is right up there with the best in the nation behind the gun slinger Bryce Petty.  They get Oklahoma this Thursday.  Win it and there is a great chance they leapfrog Ohio State in the standings.

6.  Stanford - I still can't believe this team lost to fucking Utah.  The Utes?  Good lord.  They had one bad game and still had a chance to win it so I got them up in the rankings as the best one-loss team.  They get a chance to defend their PAC-12 title this Thursday with Marcus Mariota and Oregon coming into Palo Alto.

7.  Missouri - Mizzou is right there with Stanford in my opinion.  They had no business losing to South Carolina.  They fucking choked.  Still kills me because I was hoping to see two undefeated teams battle in the SEC Championship for a right to the BCS Title.  The Tigers did bounce back big time last week with a convincing win vs Tennessee.  They should destroy Kentucky on Saturday.

8.  Auburn - Besides Mizzou these Tigers are the biggest surprise in the SEC.  Last year they struggled to go 3-9.  This year they are sitting at 8-1 with winnable games vs Tennessee and Georgia before the Iron Bowl.  Head coach Gus Malzahn has done a remarkable job.

9.  Michigan State - They held Michigan to -48 yards.  Hilarious.  The nation's most stout defense has only one loss on their resume (tough road game at Notre Dame) and are sitting in a great spot to win the "Legends" division of the Big Ten and face Ohio State in the championship game.  Could they somehow squeeze into the National Title discussion?  No but it is fun watching them dominate teams with their defense.

10.  Texas A&M - Yes I know they got two losses but both of the games they could have won.  I also think they would destroy Miami and Clemson so I can't honestly put those teams over the Aggies in the rankings despite have one less loss.  Johnny Football can sign off on this ranking.

Cam McDaniel Doesn't Care About USC, Is Extremely Photogenic

Cam McDaniel is a fucking boss.  No helmet while fighting for yards against hated rival USC and he still has the time to pull off Blue Steel.  That McDaniel is so hot right now!

Triumph Visits The Great American Beer Festival

I love that puppet dog.  He can drink and lick his balls with me any day.

This Andy Reid Kool-Aid Gif is Perfect

Hilarious.  The Kansas City Chiefs are now 7-0 after only winning 2 games last season.  New head coach Andy Reid is a rock star.

Watch Out SEC Country it's the new MAUK U Shirt

There is a new beast of the east and it hunts not only west of the Mississippi but has been known to kill Dawgs and Gators with their old man football.  The experts didn't think they could survive in the SEC...well MAUK U!  Get the original MAUK U shirt only at SportsCrack.com.

Taking pre orders NOW.  Shipping starts October 25th on this limited edition shirt.  10% of all sales goes to the American Cancer Society.

In Honor of Jim Leyland Stepping Down Today as the Tigers Manager We Present This Classic Barry Bonds Confrontation

Old fucking school.  Winstons and Marlboros just chewing out Barry Bonds self entitled ass during spring training back in the early 90's.  Jim Leyland packed up his cigarettes and headed out of Detroit today and he will be missed.  The funny thing is if this happened today Leyland would have been crucified by the media and made to apologize for being a racist.  True story.  Also we would be talking about changing the name of the Pirates because Bob Costas got offended for Captain Hook.

Eight Team Playoff Would Look Like This

Ok so this is all hypothetical and I know the college football lords have only agreed to a 4-team playoff starting next year but this is what I envision as the perfect playoff system that would rival Super Bowl interest. 8 teams determined by the college playoff committee.

Now just going by BCS Standings this is what the first round match ups would look like:

1. Alabama vs 8. Baylor - Could Bama be on upset alert?  Nick Saban would have a hard time stopping Baylor's spread offense which averages an incredible 65 points a game.  Bama's defense has only given up 1 TD in the last 5 games.

2. FSU vs 7. Miami - These two rivals would be a complete mismatch in my opinion.  I just can't see Miami beating FSU this year.  Jameis Winston would have a field day vs a suspect Hurricanes defense.

3. Oregon vs 6. Stanford - Another rivalry game between conference opponents.  Stanford knows how to stop Oregon.  This would be another fun game to watch.

4. Ohio State vs 5. Missouri - The Big Ten vs the SEC.  For bragging rights.  Braxton Miller vs Maty Mauk.  The Buckeyes 25-game winning streak on the line vs a big bad SEC team.  Both conference fan bases would love for this game to happen.

Could you imagine the ratings for these games?  It would be through the roof.  Better than the NFL Playoffs in my opinion.  You could have Bama vs Baylor in the Cotton Bowl.  FSU vs Miami in the Orange Bowl.  Oregon vs Stanford in the Rose Bowl.  And Ohio State vs Missouri in the Fiesta Bowl. The winners go on to play semifinal games in New Orleans and Atlanta.  Final Championship game could be in Indianapolis or Houston.  It would be epic and it needs to happen.  4-team playoff is cool but an 8-team playoff would be the shit.

Bill Murray Body Slams Lee Corso on College GameDay Set

Well so much for another "game of the century" moment on Saturday night.  Jameis Winston and FSU came into Clemson in a hostile environment and absolutely beat the living shit out of them 51-14.  With the win Famous Jameis is your leading Heisman Trophy contender and FSU makes the big jump up to #2 in the BCS Standings.  This looked like the FSU of old.  They have their swagger back.

Anyways Bill Murray got a little frustrated with Lee Corso's FSU pick Saturday morning and pulled out some old school WWF wrestling moves on the old man.  Corso got the last laugh Saturday night.  Now leave it up to some liberal media d-bags to complain about the savagery of the Seminoles tribe portrayed by the white man here.  Where is Bob Costas when we need his unnecessary and uniformed opinion?

Ole Miss Girl in Red Dress Remix

HOTTY TODDY INDEED!  Ole Miss does it right!  She's definite marriage material there fellas....and divorce two years later.

College Football Midseason Awards, All-American Team, and Heisman Contenders

We are unofficially at the midseason part of college football so I thought it would be prudent for us to give out some awards.  Now these are NOT your typical college awards.  No douchiest frat boy or sluttiest sorority girl award will be given away here at SportsCrack.  Sorry fellas.  This is college football.  The only religion that actually matters on Saturday.

MIDSEASON AWARDS

OFFENSIVE PLAYER OF THE YEAR - Johnny Manziel, Texas A&M

DEFENSIVE PLAYER OF THE YEAR - Anthony Barr, UCLA

COACH OF THE YEAR - Art Briles, Baylor

MOST SURPRISING PLAYER - Zach Mettenberger, LSU

MOST DISAPPOINTING PLAYER - Jadeveon Clowney, South Carolina

TRUE FRESHMAN OF THE YEAR - Vernon Hargreaves, Florida

REDSHIRT FRESHMAN OF THE YEAR - Jameis Winston, FSU

MOST SURPRISING TEAM - Missouri

MOST DISAPPOINTING TEAM - Notre Dame

BEST GAME SO FAR - Georgia 44, LSU 41

MOST OVERRATED TEAM - Miami

MOST UNDERRATED TEAM - Baylor

BCS TITLE GAME PICK - Alabama vs Oregon

MIDSEASON ALL-AMERICAN TEAM

QB Johnny Manziel, Texas A&M
RB Lache Seastrunk, Baylor
RB Bishop Sankey, Washington
WR Odell Beckham, LSU
WR Mike Evans, Texas A&M
WR Jared Abbrederis, Wisconsin
TE Troy Niklas, Notre Dame
OT Taylor Lewan, Michigan
OT Jake Matthews, Texas A&M
OG Cyril Richardson, Baylor
OG David Yankey, Stanford
C Hroniss Grasu, Oregon

DE Michael Sam, Missouri
DE Vic Beasley, Clemson
DT Aaron Donald, Pittsburgh
DT Derrick Hopkins, Virginia Tech
LB Kyle Van Noy, BYU
LB Anthony Barr, UCLA
LB CJ Mosley, Alabama
CB Blake Countess, Michigan
CB Vernon Hargreaves, Florida
S Ed Reynolds, Stanford
S Vinnie Sunseri, Alabama

K Mike Hunnicutt, Oklahoma
P Zac Murphy, Miami (OH)
KR Ty Montgomery, Stanford
PR Kevonte Martin-Manley, Iowa

TOP HEISMAN CONTENDERS
1. Johnny Manziel, Texas A&M
2. Marcus Mariota, Oregon
3. Jameis Winston, FSU
4. Tajh Boyd, Clemson
5. Bryce Petty, Baylor

TOP 10 TEAMS
1. Oregon
2. Alabama
3. Clemson
4. Baylor
5. FSU
6. Texas A&M
7. UCLA
8. Ohio State
9. LSU
10. South Carolina

The Battle of Bristol Announced Between Tennessee and Virginia Tech

160,000 fans?  Holy shit.  This is going to be epic.  Unfortunately it's going to be a snoozer of a game between two programs who's better days are way behind them.  Tennessee hasn't been good since Phil Fulmer was winning Cups in Knoxville.  Virginia Tech hasn't been a national title contender since Michael Vick was electrocuting puppies for sport.  But forget about the game itself.  The tailgating should be out of this world.  And really it's the only reason to attend the event.  Granted Tennessee and Va Tech could rebound by 2016.  But this video makes it look like a clash between Alabama and Oregon.  Clearly it is not.  Bristol, TN is not that far away from Atlanta.  I've sworn to my grave I would never attend a NASCAR event but this is different.  It's college football inside a left turn only speedway.  I would think it would be on par with attending Preakness.  Beer will be flowing.  Fuck it I'm in!

Yasiel Puig Does An Incredible Bat Flip To Break Slump

You know Brian McCann, Freddie Freeman, and the rest of the Braves were yelling profanities at their flat screens when Yasiel Puig hit this triple.  This Puig bat flip was beautiful.  Perfect form.  I give it a solid 9.5.  Too bad Puig thought it was a jack and then kind of looked stupid just staring at the ball as it hit the right field fence.  He still legged out a triple and finally broke out of his 0-for-11 skid in the NLCS with flair.  If Puig worked at Chotchkie's he would have at least 37 pieces of flair.

Oregon Cheerleaders To Wear Scary As Shit Custom Contacts Tomorrow For GameDay

@darrenrovell Custom contact lenses for our cheerleaders here at University of Oregon. Photo from Oregon Cheer acnt pic.twitter.com/QeuxMAFH2S
— Autzen Students (@AutzenStudents) October 11, 2013

Yeah I'm definitely going to be having nightmares about these stupid ass contacts the Oregon Cheerleaders are wearing tomorrow.  Why mess with a great thing?  I know it's Halloween month but WTF?  The only thing they need to be showing is their "O" face.  I'm not saying Oregon is going to lose now to Washington but I am saying they will most definitely not win because some asshole thought it would be a good idea to mess with these girl's eyes.