DICK ROD IS PATHETIC

Tears of a Clown my friends! Tears of a Clown! Dick Rod is so fucking pathetic I almost feel bad for the University of Michigan. He still brings up West Virginia in his press conference...what a fucking moron! How about you follow the rules and try to gain the respect of your players instead of displaying these crocodile tears at some bullshit press conference? I hate Michigan Football but now I just feel bad for them because Dick Rodriguez is just so embarrassing. First a 9 loss season, players transferring at record numbers to get away, players complaining about practice, and now this cry baby bull shit. Too funny if you ask me.

LSU CRIBS

After watching this video of LSU Tiger's offensive guard Lyle Hitt give a tour of the Charles McClendon Practice Facility you can see why all those little southern bayou kittens pick Baton Rouge as their choice of 4-6 years of SEC football to turn into lethal Tiger machines...



If there is one team in the SEC who can beat Florida, especially in the trenches, it's LSU. The Gators travel to Baton Rouge on October 10th for a night game in what very well could determine who is still alive to play in the BCS Title game let alone the SEC Championship.


Video HT: ExtraMustard

SOCCER FLAGS GET MORE ASS...

...than 99.6% of married men. I love the laughter of the cheerleaders as they try to play it off as innocent fun.

MLB PLAY OF THE WEEK

Minnesota Twin's second baseman Alexi Casilla made this incredible flip against the Baltimore Orioles last week while I was watching the Orioles lose yet another game. After I picked up my jaw off the ground all I could do was shake my head in amazement. I've seen middle infielders use the flip but I have never seen one performed like Casilla did while diving in mid air. Casilla must have dolphin flippers. There is no other reason. It's like gay people in denial.

ANDY RODDICKS SERVES ONE IN LETTERMAN'S FACE

Sorry but Brooklyn Decker did not show up with hubby Andy Roddick last night. So disappointing. Now I am sure you are going to be really excited to see this clip now. I'm all about the tease folks...

NICK GREEN PITCHES SCORELESS 8TH AND 9TH INNING

Boston Red Sox shortstop Nick Green made an emergency appearance last night on the pitching rubber, his first time on the mound in more than 11 years, and pitched a scoreless 2 innings. Wait, what?

Yes, this is the same Nick Green I use to face in American Legion Ball more than 12 years ago. The same Green I tripled off the left centerfield wall in Alpharetta. This goes to prove, without a shadow of a doubt, I should be playing in the Major Leagues. If only all the drugs, booze, and loose women didn't get in the way I would be in Green's position right now. Yeah, that's it.

But enough about my sketchy past, let's hear what old fireballer Nick Green had to say about his performance last night vs. the Chicago White Sox.

"I didn't really want to do it, but I understood the situation," said Green, the first Red Sox position player to pitch multiple innings in a game since Dave McCarty in 2004. "That's why I said, 'OK, I'll go out there and try to have fun.'"

"I just wanted to throw strikes," Green said. "I didn't know my ball was going to move all over the place. I told Tito, 'I might get hit, I don't know.' I didn't know what to expect. I hadn't thrown to a catcher in 11 years."

Congratulations go out to Green for a fine performance last night. Dickhead. Nope, not jealous one bit. (cries into Ramen noodles for the 7th night in a row wondering what went wrong)

USC NAMES THE FRESHMAN STARTING QB

When I was young I knew everything, now I'm Pete Carroll guilt stricken sobbing with my head on the floor because I named Matt Barkley starting QB...I can't be held responsible...Barkley was touching my thigh...I won't be held responsible...we were merely freshmen....


USC was so innocent. F them is what I say....

MICHAEL VICK DEBUTS TONIGHT

IMAGE HT: WithLeather

Hide your Beagle people, Vick's an Eagle officially starting tonight against the Jacksonville Jaguars on the NFL Network. So basically a million people have the opportunity to watch it from their home. Fucking NFL Network and their exclusive deal with DirecTV. Don't they realize that satellite tv sucks balls or is just about the money? Oh yeah, it's always about the money. Anywho, I will have to go to Taco Mac tonight to see the Doggie Killer make his debut wearing something other than black and white stripes or an orange jumpsuit. Vick has served his time and deserves a second chance. Actually this is more like his 10th chance because he lied so many times before hand about having any involvement but that is besides the point.

I want to see Vick play. I want to see him roll out of the pocket and hold that pigskin like it's got Ron Mexico's clamidia on the laces. I want to see him get hit and fumble. I want to see him break a run for 30 yards when most other players would have only got 10 yards. I want to see him overthrow a receiver by 5 yards or miss a guy on the slant or fire it too hard. Most of all I want to see how people react to him when he is introduced for the first time. I expect a scattering of boo's and cheers. And pound puppies on the field.


HIDE YOUR BEAGLES VICK'S AN EAGLE SHIRT AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE HERE!

16 DAYS TILL THE BALLS DROP

This has to be LSUFreek's best work over at EDSBS. Very disturbing yet highly funny. My sides actually hurt right now and those are not remnants of Vegas destruction in my ribs.

NOW THIS LOOKS ENTERTAINING

Zombieland could get 1 star and be as Gawdawful as that Peter Jackson remake of King Kong and I still won't give a shit, I have to see this movie. It feels like it has a Tarantino flavor to it and anytime you have Woody Harelson playing a redneck then it's all good in my book.

I'm interested in hearing what the peanut gallery has to say. Would you go see Zombieland after watching this preview or would you rather go see some gay ass Harry Potter coming of age movie? Seriously, if you like Harry Potter and are over the age of 15 please just kill yourself now. The world would be a lot less gayer with you in it.

HAPPY ENDING?

20 bucks, and it better be quick! Great job Fox Sports! I still have no desire to watch soccer but this commercial made me laugh.

Video HT: Extra Mustard

SHAQ IN A SPEEDO

The clip above comes from Shaq VS which is apparently some show on ABC. I have no fucking clue because I don't watch network television unless there is sports on it. HBO and Showtime shows occupy my time most nights if I decide to watch something else besides the baseball game right now. Anyways, Shaq lost a bet to the beach volleyball group of Misty May and Kerri Whateverhername so he had to walk down the beach in a pink speedo. I think it fits the big man. I was pleasantly surprised not to see some damn elephant snake slipping out of the side. That would have been almost as uncomfortable as seeing Misty May's ballsack in slow motion. Seriously, Misty is a pre-op tranny right?

Video HT: Extra Mustard

DEATH PANELS ARE REAL

I GOT THE BUTTERFLYS

in my stomach and it has nothing to do with hookers and blow but everything to do with September 5th. I love the Fall and I love sitting on my ass all day on Saturdays with a cold beer in my hand and watching college football. Shit like this video gets my heart pumping in anticipation for kickoff...

CASH 4 CLUNKER SHIRT

Here is another one of our new shirts. We call it the new "Cash 4 Clunker" shirt and you can only get it at our STORE PAGE.

Brett Favre is already joined the Cash 4 Clunker program, shouldn't you?...




Brett Favre pictures courtesy of MacG's World

Rank And File: Notre Dame Preview - ESPN VIDEO

Here is a little video Jason Hall, a big fan of Sportscrack, sent my way with the talking heads at ESPN giving their outlook for Notre Dame this season. Seeing Mark May's bloated head babbling bullshit already has my blood boiling. October 17th can not come soon enough. It's put up or shut up time for the Notre Dame football program in 2009.

Listen, we all know Notre Dame only won 10 games the last 2 years combined. But that is in the past and right now, the present, this Notre Dame team might have the most talent and depth since the early to mid 90's. I shit you not. Elite programs like Texas, Florida, LSU, and USC can put out their 2nd and 3rd teamers and not miss a beat. Notre Dame has finally gotten to this point. Their offense is completely loaded with experience and elite playmakers. They have the newest version of the AFROS (America's Finest Receivers on Saturday) with Golden Tate, Michael Floyd, and TE Kyle Rudolph back in which combined will put up well over 2500 yards receiving and 25 TD's receiving in 2009. Their backups such as freshman Shaquille Evans, sophomores Deion Walker and Johnny Goodman, juniors Duval Kamara and Mike Ragone were all high school All-Americans who every program in this country desperately wanted. Jimmy Clausen will have a Heisman worthy campaign this season and will bump one of either Tim Tebow, Sam Bradford, or Colt McCoy off the invitation list to NYC. The runningbacks are as deep as anybody in the nation including USC. Armando Allen, Robert Hughes, James Aldridge, Jonas Gray, and freshmen Cierre Wood and Theo Riddick will all be battling for carries this season. There is no reason why they shouldn't push for over 2500 yards rushing combined this season especially behind an offensive line which will now push people forward instead of back.

The defense is going to have a lot of breakout stars this season. On the defensive line look out for defensive tackles Ian Williams and Ethan Johnson. If the Irish are going to contend for a National Title they have to be able to control the line of scrimmage and stop the run. Both Williams and Johnson are fully capable of having All-American seasons and have made great strides in the weight room. Forcing double teams is the key to free up the pass rush with defensive ends such as Kerry Neal and Kapron Lewis-Moore coming on the outside and crushing the quarterback or making a rush throw. If Williams, Johnson, Neal, and Lewis-Moore do their job then it will free up what could be the most underrated set of linebackers in the nation. The group is led by junior Brian Smith (leaves his heart on the field, will make a great captain in 2010) who could have one of those Courtney Watson type seasons where he always around the ball making plays. In coming freshman Manti Te'O, aka the Hawaiian Hitman, is the biggest defensive recruit to come to Notre Dame since Kory Minor was rocking the black shield. Te'O is literally a man among boys. He will have as much of an impact on the defense as a freshman as Michael Floyd had last season for the offense. He is that good and will leave Notre Dame once his mission is complete: Destroy USC. Senior Toryan Smith will be solid at the MIKE and Darius Fleming will have at least 8 sacks this season at the SAM LB position. The great thing about the front 7 of the Irish this season is most all of these guys are big, strong, and can fly and will be successful in Jon Tenuta's aggressive, blitz-happy defense.

Their secondary is the best in the nation. Yes, I said it. Cornerbacks Darrin Walls and Robert Blanton are both shut down. Their back ups, Raeshon McNeil and Gary Gray would start almost anywhere in the country but at Notre Dame they will be counted on to fill in and just be badass cover corners. I'm talking Air Traffic Control with those 4 guys plus you have a Jamoris Slaughter who Irish fans will love to see on the playing field in 2009 because of how smooth, quick, and his ability to lay out people with his frame will have you scratching your head in amazement. The safeties are led by seniors Kyle McCarthy and Sergio Brown. I absolutely love watching these guys play because you can tell how much they want to get their hands on that pigskin and take it back for 6. Harrison Smith, Dan McCarthy, and freshman Zeke Motta will all see significant time and are budding stars who will keep the tradition going in 2010 and beyond. This defense combined is going to put a lot of fear into opponents and they will create a ton of turnovers.

Make no mistake people, 2009 was the year I pointed out back in 2006 as the year the Irish finally returned to elite. Now it's only 10 days away till it comes to fruition. Believe the hype because Notre Dame is for real. I can't fucking wait! Can you?

SENATOR ROBERT "BARBARIC" BYRD REACTS TO OUR NEW VICK SHIRT

Ok, so maybe I lied a little bit about his reaction to the new "Hide your Beagle, Vick's an Eagle" shirt we introduced last night. Sure the "Barbaric" Senator from West Virginia is breaking down upon hearing Teddy Kennedy's death this morning but it might as well have been my reaction to seeing the final design of another one of our new NFL inspired shirts.


Brings tears to these eyes. December 6th in the Dome can't come soon enough. The Battle of the Birds. Matty Ice vs. BadNewzEagles.

Visit our store page to get the new shirt.

If you don't buy one then you are simply being BARBARIC!!!!

CHRIS COOLEY VS. WASPS AND YELLOW JACKETS

It's good to see Washington Redskin's tight end Chris Cooley has one of the same issues I have had in the past: how in the fuck do you kill those pesky yellow jackets and wasps? They are everywhere during the summer and are the most annoying thing other than a Mexican driving 35 mph on the highway. So how do you kill them? Apparently a cowboy hat, a video camera, two cans of bug spray, and constant persistence for the hive...



It's just a matter of time before PETA sends the Cooley's a mean letter.

A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR TUESDAY

Ever since I got back from Vegas I've had about zero time to actually sit and relax but honestly who gives a shit, I would rather be busy. The only thing that bothers me is I have had absolutely no time to sit and write some blogs. I've been too busy going back and forth, shipping out t-shirts (big stinky pinkies to all of you out there) in mass quantities to as far away as Australia. We got more shirts coming out as we have been inundated with constant requests for new ones. We even got some requests for some pro-Michigan and pro-USC shirts. Well being a Notre Dame and SEC fan I got 2 words for all y'all Wolverines and Trojans blowhards. It's basically what my bank card told me in Vegas when I tried to withdrawal 2K for some roulette...

STILL HURTIN FROM VEGAS, BUT THIS MADE ME LAUGH

Old Frenchy hitting into an unassisted triple play to end the game. That is something you don't see everyday. You know what else you don't see: dead hookers. Nope, I didn't see any in Vegas. Swear to God.

Video HT: WithLeather

VIVA LAS VEGAS!

I am off to Las Vegas for a little coming of passage called the bachelor party. Things will get rough, lives will be changed, and babies will be affected. After much consideration and insight from the Sportscrack nation I have decided to go with Charleston Southern and the +73 points against Florida. I'm putting Carlos' college fund on it so you jackoffs better have it right...



I will see all of you on Monday. Hopefully. Any good lawyers out there?

GOING TO VEGAS TOMORROW, SHOULD I BET ON THE GATORS TO COVER A HUGE SPREAD?

Tomorrow I am boarding a plane for Vegas for my buddy Chuck's bachelor party and was thinking about throwing down some bets on the opening weekend of college football. One line stood out to me from week 1. The Florida Gators are 73 point favorites over Charleston Southern according to USA Today's Danny Sheridan. Ten touchdowns and a fucking field goal favorites are the defending champion Gators! I know these teams are two total mismatches but you don't think the Gators will be running up the score this early being #1 preseason do you?

I need the help of the Sportscrack Nation. Do I bet on Florida not covering the -73 or shall I say fuck it, the Gators are going to dismantle them and win by at least 80? Leave your comments below.

WELCOME BACK BRITNEY SPEARS

Y'ALL, Britney Spears made an appearance on Late Show with David Letterman doing the "Top Ten Ways the Country Would be Different if Britney Spears were President" and I must say, it looks like she is back in a good way...


I give her two more years of solid clean living till she makes her way back to dysfunctional crazy Mom and accepts a spot on Dr. Drew's Celebrity Rehab. Speaking of Celebrity Rehab have you seen their cast of characters for the new season? Not trying to sound gay or anything but this season should be very entertaining with Mindy McCready (aka Roger Clemens mistress talking about his shrunken mansack), NBA great Dennis Rodman, Hollywood Madam Heidi Fleiss, actor Tom Sizemore, bassist Mike Starr from Alice in Chains (one of the more underrated bands of all-time) among others dishing out their daily addictions and problems on national television. Now that is entertainment folks that make you, me, and everybody else feel good about themselves.

WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY

A joke for you on this glorious bastard of a day they like to call Hump for some reason...

"Why I fired my Secretary"

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that
morning..

I went downstairs for breakfast
hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
'Happy Birthday!',
and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out,
she barely said good morning,
let alone
' Happy Birthday.'

I thought....

Well, that's marriage for you,
but the kids...
They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
and didn't say a word..
So when I left for the office,
I felt pretty low
and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office,
my secretary Jane said,
'Good Morning Boss,
and by the way
Happy Birthday ! '
It felt a little better
that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock ,
when Jane knocked on my door
and said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day outside,
and it is your Birthday,
what do you say we go out to lunch,
just you and me..'
I said, 'Thanks, Jane,
that's the greatest thing
I've heard all day.
Let's go !'

We went to lunch.
But we didn't go
where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quiet bistro
with a private table.
We had two martinis each
and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office,
Jane said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day...
We don't need to go straight back to the office,
Do We ?'

I responded,
'I guess not.
What do you have in mind ?'
She said,
'Let's drop by my apartment,
it's just around the corner.'

After arriving at her apartment,
Jane turned to me and said,



' Boss, if you don't mind,
I'm going to step into the bedroom
for just a moment.
I'll be right back.'
'Ok.' I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and,
after a couple of minutes,
she came out
carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed
by my wife,
my kids,
and dozens of my friends
and co-workers,
all singing 'Happy Birthday'.


And I just sat there....

On the couch...

Naked.


HT: Joe

BRETT FAVRE IS A LYING ASSHOLE...AGAIN

Honestly I could care two shits if Brett Fav-re plays another down of NFL Football. I have tried and manipulated all my strength and will power to just ignore another offseason of bullshit in regards to Favre's retirement because I have no vested interest in Brett Favre. I don't like him or the Green Bay Packers or any other NFL team he wants to contaminate at this point. What I do care about is some guy making up his fucking mind and sticking with it. Quarterbacks are suppose to be committed to their team because unlike the other positions on the field they can directly affect the outcome. Favre on the other hand is just looking for the money. Favre has now become the Roger Clemens of the NFL. He was once beloved in Green Bay (maybe the Cheeseheads still love him because of the 3 MVPs and Super Bowl ring) and now he is playing for one of their biggest rivals in Minnesota. Like Clemens he says he is retired only to come back for the 3,436th time. If the Vikings were offering him $2 million and a little backdoor blow job action on a boat he would have told them to fuck off. But they didn't and finally caved to his and more importantly his agent's demand for more money and less training camp action despite having a bum shoulder and an ego that needs to be stroked more often than a coked up Peter North.

I say I shouldn't care about Fav-re and I really don't want to but the fucking guy won't go away. If he would just put on his fucking Wranglers, mow the grass, and shut the fuck up and not lie about retiring then nobody would care about him besides the Packers fanatics and Peter King. But nevertheless here we are. He won't stay in Mississippi. Another offseason of bullshit. Now Favre has become the official villain of the NFL. He wants to be the villain now. He has embraced the dark side, or purple if you prefer, and now will be playing in a comfortable 70 degree Dome instead of the frozen tundra of Lambeau. I'm shocked any team would put up with his shit especially considering the guy is 39 years old (translates to 108 years in normal human life) and all he ever does these days is lead the league in throwing bad interceptions.

Look at him and talk about him, that is what Brett Favre wants. He needs the attention. He loves it more than Michael Jackson loved to suck cock. I wish the media would just ignore him and tell him to go home and leave us alone. So from now on I will ignore any story involving #4. I promise. Wait, what did Fav-re just say to Chris Mortenson? Fucking Fav-re!

RICH DICKS

Rich Dicks from Jon Daly

18 DAYS

Till Golden Tate, Michael Floyd, and what now appears to be freshman sensation Shaq Evans unleash the newest version of AFROS (America's Finest Receivers on Saturday) to College Football.

DON'T PLAY THIS GUY IN H.O.R.S.E

Behind-the-back trick basketball shot extraordinaire Bruce Manley has a new video out with more amazing shots. This kid should just challenge anybody to a game of H.O.R.S.E. There is no way you can beat him when he is bouncing balls off of other basketballs into the hoop.

SEANTREL HENDERSON TO VISIT NOTRE DAME

The nation's #1 offensive tackle, Minnesota's Seantrel Henderson, has set his five official visits for this fall according to his dad Sean via ESPN Blog.

"I definitely know his five official visits," Sean Henderson said. "He will visit Ohio State, Oklahoma, Florida, USC and Notre Dame.

"So far he has Ohio State Sept. 12. Notre Dame will probably be Oct. 17. And USC is Nov. 28 tentatively."

Seantrel will visit Ohio State the weekend the Buckeyes play USC. Oct. 17 is the weekend the Irish take on USC. The weekend of Nov. 28 the Trojans play UCLA.

"He is going to the Oklahoma-Texas game just to watch," Sean Henderson said. "I'm not sure when he will make his official visit to Oklahoma. And I'm not sure about the date for his Florida visit."
Henderson plays at Cretin-Derham HS which has long been considered a Notre Dame feeder high school (Michael Floyd, Rashon Powers-Neal, Ryan Harris among others) but Henderson was rumored to not have much if any interest in attending Notre Dame. Now that he has scheduled his official visit for the October 17th against USC it appears the Irish at least have a shot. Henderson is the type of player who could step on campus anywhere next season and start right away. He is that good of a lineman. Hopefully he goes blue and gold and not cardinal and gold. I would hate to go against him every year.

JAY CUTLER IS STILL LOVED IN DENVER

Denver Broncos fans are still having a hard time moving past the Jay Cuntler era. Even kids are burning his jersey these days. How long before Chicago Bears fans do the same thing? Cutler has already managed to blame Devin Hester for an interception he threw in his opening preseason game. Never mind that he threw off his back foot and lofted a 40 yard pass perfectly into Bills cornerback Leodis McKelvin hands. It was Hester's fault and there is no reason to doubt the great Jay Cuntler. I mean look at all that he has accomplished in the NFL. Ok, nothing really but he thinks he is better than Dan Marino and John Elway combined. If you were to ask me who is my #1 hated athlete right now I would have to say Cutler. I don't even like the Broncos and I hate him. The guy is just a complete asshole. He brings back fond memories of Michael Vick during his playing days. Vick would never take blame and wouldn't put in the time to get better and be a leader. But at least he wasn't a down right cry baby bitch like Cutler has been since he signed out of Vandy. His sense of entitlement is laughable. I feel bad for Chicago Bears fans. They deserve better. If Sexy Rexy can take them to a Super Bowl then Cutler better win one.

SIGN MY BABY NICK SABAN!

No doubt about it, Alabama loves their Crimson Tide. Who the hell else would let Nick Saban put his dirty fingers on their newborn much less put their devilish signature on the toddler? This baby is so fucked! We might as well rename the kid Lucifer. Saban's left thumb is more creepy than a Catholic priest whispering in your ear that everything is going to be "ok."

Not like I would know how that feels...forgive me father. I got to go.

Image HT: Deadspin

Y.A. YANG SAYS "KISS THIS FIST TIGER!"

Tiger Woods should be ashamed of himself. He had a 2 stroke lead going into Sunday's final round at the PGA Championship. He had never lost a lead in a major till yesterday. Fucking loser! South Korea's Y.A. Yang stuck his fist right up Tiger's a-hole and showed him how to hit some clutch shots. Yang's chip-in for an eagle at 14 was just a precursor to his brilliant 2nd shot on the 18th and final hole. He fucking nailed it and more importantly hit his putts unlike Tiger. Yesterday I would have smoked Tiger at a game of putt-putt by at least 5 strokes. Simply Tiger couldn't handle the pressure of losing to an Asian. He crumbled to a 75 on national television.

Tiger Woods is human after all. No majors in a calendar year for the first time since 2004. Pathetic. He should hang up the clubs and pursue and bang all the foreign nannies. As far as I can see he hasn't lost in that category yet.

NEW SHIRTS: MATTY ICE AND GINAS FOOTBALL

We have been making shirts now for almost 4 years and yet these will be our very first NFL inspired shirts. Don't ask me why it has taken so long other than the fact I ate a lot of paint chips as a kid. Lead based no less and pennies also were a favorite. I'm not even kidding, my parents had to take me to the emergency room when I was 4. The first shirt is the New Jersey Ginas Football tee which popped in our head when we watched the "40 Year Old Virgin" the 7th time. We figured we could play with the East Rutherford team up there in Jersey and call them the 'Ginas.

As for the Matty Ice Atlanta Football Shirt it was pretty obvious we had to make one for the Falcon's new quarterback. He took a losing franchise which has never had back-to-back winning seasons to the playoffs in his rookie season and came awfully close to winning MVP honors. This year Matty Ice has a new toy in All-Pro Tight End Tony Gonzalez and the team should be legitimate contenders for a Super Bowl run.

So these are our first 2 National Felon League shirts. We got some more ideas popping into our heads but of course we would love to hear back from you about other ideas. Washington Deadskins? Dallas Cowgirls? Big Ben's TV repair service? We have been working on some Vick to Philly shirt ideas but haven't really nailed any dogs, sorry ideas down. Let us know and if we use your idea you get a free shirt.

Visit our NFL Store page.

HIDE YOUR DOGS

My Dad pointed out the cover of the Philly Daily News today: HIDE YOUR DOGS. I feel sorta bad being a dog owner and all because I laughed out loud when I saw the headline. Philly fans hated Michael Vick when he played for the Falcons even though he could never beat the Eagles so I can't imagine too many fans embracing this move. But let's be completely honest here, Michael Vick is a football player and not some politician and/or role model. He is still a piece of shit in my book and I'm glad he isn't on the Atlanta Falcons. If he can go to Philly and contaminate the Eagles who could be the one team the Falcons have to beat to reach the Super Bowl then I say bravo. I can already see Donovan going down with a knee injury in week 5 and then everybody including myself waiting to see Vick come out in those Eagles colors as the savior. And then he drops back to pass and he tries to juke a defender like he is running away from the DA but his quickness has eroded. Defenders are younger and some are faster than Vick now. And then he flails the ball into a linebackers hands or merely fumbles it away. This is the Michael Vick I remember for the Falcons. What is 2 years in prison going to do to his game? Certainly can't improve. You can't teach an old dog new tricks. Ask Vick himself. He has dealt with many "old" dogs.

December 6th in the Dome can not get here soon enough.

It looks like the Vick signing has the McNabb stamp of approval. This according to McNabb himself...


If Vick comes in and looks good in the preseason (which I highly, highly doubt) then there will be an all out QB controversy in Philadelphia. I don't know how this would be good for the franchise. Either way NFC fans win. If you are a New Jersey Giants fan or an Atlanta Falcons fan you have to feel pretty good today. The Eagles were serious contenders to reach the Super Bowl with their stellar offseason acquisitions of LeSean Shady McCoy and Jeremy Maclin in the draft plus getting left tackle Jason Peters from Buffalo was a huge addition looking to protect McNabb. Now all of that could be thrown out due to a Vick controversy.

But then again Vick could come in and win and Philly fans will love him because they are crazy and they want to win at all costs. Trust me, I say this having many friends who are die hard Philly sports guys. If news came out tomorrow that Cole Hamels killed Benjamin Franklin nobody in Philly would give a shit because Hamels won a ring.

RUH ROH VICK IN PHILLY!

Pass me the popcorn fellas. This is going to be very interesting. Puppy killer Michael Vick in the city of Brotherly Love? This could have disaster written all over it. How will Donovan McNabb react to Vick being his backup? How will Andy Reid handle the press that comes with signing a player with the baggage of Michael Vick? What kind of pound puppies will the Philly faithful throw at Vick when he fumbles for the third time in a crucial game because he handles the rock like it's a hot potato? It's good to have Vick back in the NFL. He kind of just writes the blogs himself while I sit back and watch. Welcome back Vick! I can't wait to see him return to Atlanta on December 6th in the green and white. The racial tension should be fantastic.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL TAILGATER TWO-A-DAYS

3 more weeks till kickoff! Are you ready? Well you better get ready for some heavy tailgating by preparing yourself for the 2009 season. No more South Beach diet. No more date nights on Friday or Saturday. Football season is upon us so put away the tampons and get ready. Take it from these guys, they know how to prep...

OFFICIAL 2009 NOTRE DAME GAME FOOTBALLS AVAILABLE

We just got in stock the new 2009 Official Wilson Notre Dame NCAA Football. These are the same exact footballs they use starting September 5th against Nevada. Same size and weight that Golden Tate and Michael Floyd will be catching this fall. I am pricing them at half the price of what Football Fanatics offers them at so you are getting a great deal for only $99.

Be sure to order them quickly because I have limited stock. First come first serve.

Notre Dame Official Wilson Game Day Football $99

YOU KNOW HOW I KNOW YOU'RE A DOUCHEBAG?

It's been over a 100 years since the Cubs won a World Series and honestly I can't remember off the top of my head the last time the Cubs actually went to a World Series but they still have fans who act like complete douchebags. Could you imagine how insufferable Cubs fans would be if they actually won something? They would turn into the Red Sox bandwagon nation. Frightening to think of it. It looks like from the video the wrong guy got thrown out for tossing the beer onto Shane Victorino's head. Too bad. First you waste a perfectly good beer by tossing it like a drunk moron then somebody else takes the fall while you cower in your seat.

YOU KNOW HOW I KNOW YOU'RE GAY?

You sing fucking "Lean on Me" and call yourself a Trojan while sitting in football meetings...


You know how I know you're gay? You open up with San Jose State and your fight song sounds like the anthem to Bareback Mountain. FUSC

TAILGATE LIKE A CHAMPION SHIRT NOW IN IRISH GREEN

The Sportscrack Nation has demanded we make our popular TAILGATE LIKE A CHAMPION shirt in lucky irish green so they can represent their Irish pride on gamedays. Well, here you go. I hope you like it as much as I do. For the low price of $17 you can now get one in your favorite irish green color. If you have the navy version you are pretty much obligated to now buy the green version. Don't ask me why or question my authority! Just buy one. Plus a portion goes to a wonderful cause in the American Cancer Society so you can feel good about yourself as you Tailgate Like A Champion this fall.

TAILGATE LIKE A CHAMPION IRISH GREEN SHIRT

SORRY EVERYBODY

I apologize for the lack of posts lately. I've been running (actually flying and driving) from Atlanta to DC to Baltimore and now back to Atlanta the past two weeks for my other paying job. Basically I have been really f-ing busy. But now I am f-ing back and ready to give all of you a piece of my shat...


We got less than 4 weeks till football season starts so expect a lot of heavy preseason football talk from this here Sportscrack Blog. It's going to get nasty but that is the way you like it you filthy whores. Be prepared. You are warned. September 5th can't get here soon enough.

THE GREAT MICHAEL FLOYD

32 more days till we see Michael Floyd put on the Blue and Gold and have an All-American season starting September 5th. Last season Floyd put up nearly 900 yards receiving despite missing some action due to injuries and not starting the first game. This year Floyd will put up over 1200 yards receiving with 10 plus touchdown catches. Everybody in the nation wants to talk about how great Julio Jones and AJ Green were last season and for good reason. Both of those guys are stud receivers who will play on Sundays. Floyd might be better than both of them.

ERIC BERRY AND THE VOLS "WILD BOYS"

Yes that is Tennessee's dynamic safety Eric Berry with some sort of chain around his neck posing shirtless in front of Lamborghini with his other Volunteer teammates. And they are all shirtless too. Not gay at all. Nothing to see here. It's great to see Lane Kiffin is bringing out the Cali to the Volunteer state.

You can go ahead and purchase the official Tennessee shirt for 2009. Not that there is anything wrong with it...

MELVIN MORA FEELS DISRESPECTED OVER BENCHING

Mora Feels Disrespected (8/2/09)
by gatecitycanes

This is coming from a guy who has 3 home runs, 27 RBI's, and a .650 OPS for THE ENTIRE SEASON! Melvin Mora needs one of two things: steroids or humility. Actually make it both. He is lucky manager Dave Trembley kept him in the lineup for so long considering how completely shitty his bat has been this year. Mora will be a free agent after this season and can go look for a job somewhere else. Maybe he should have a talk with Tom Glavine. He seems to be doing quite well for himself in his current job search. I've always liked Mora but I can't see where he is coming from with his bitching about "disrespect." Dude, you suck balls this year. Sit your ass on the bench and be a good teammate...not a distraction.

URBAN MEYER SIGNS EXTENSION WITH FLORIDA

Georgia and Notre Dame fans should just sit down, take a deep breath, and relax.

Urban Meyer is going to stay at Florida for a while. FUCK!

He signed a 6 year extension that will pay him nearly $4 million a season to stay in Gainesville. I heard Urban was leaning toward leaving the Gators after Tim Tebow graduates and cures cancer but then he saw this entertaining rap song about Tebow and he figured he would stay in the South and dominate the SEC with those cool looking Gaytors Wal-Mart jerseys...

Video HT: EDSBS

Honestly I don't know how I feel about Urban Meyer staying. Hopefully Charlie Weis can right the ship up in Notre Dame and start winning some ball games (I expect nothing less than 11 victories this season) so I no longer have to worry about what or if Urban Meyer is going to leave Gainesville for South Bend. If I was a die hard Georgia fan I would be a little worried with him staying. Meyer is basically Steve Spurrier 2.0 but he already has more national championships in 4 years than the ole Ball Coach. Maybe Mark Richt will pray real hard and come up with a scheme to beat Urbie after the mid afternoon rape they received in Jax last year.

TIRED OF WAITING FOR COLLEGE FOOTBALL

We got just over one month left till college football kicks off and it can't get here soon enough. I am ready to fire up the tailgate, bail out Terrelle Pryor and get this shit rocking. The waiting is the hardest part. I have the itch. I need my college football fix now! I need to see pigskins flying in South Bend, Athens and yes even that shithole whore they call Ann Arbor. Don't make me get mad! Deep breath, exhale, pass it over.

Until college football starts I will play my beer pong thank you very much...

MATTHEW STAFFORD LOVING HIM SOME SEC POON

Courtesy of HOTSECPOON.COM we get these great pictures of Matthew Stafford fully enjoying his bachelorhood with plenty of hot pieces of tail coming at him like chum in water. It's great to see an athlete live it up to it's fullest especially after a rich payday. He better enjoy it now because I don't think the Detroit poon is going to be nearly as nice as the UGA ones.

VIVA LA MATTHEW!!!!

TIGER WOODS RIPS ONE

From Mac Gs World comes this video of Tiger Woods ripping a screamer on the 18th of the Buick Open. His caddy Steve Williams seems to enjoy it. Shit, I would smell his farts all day if I knew at the end of the day I was getting 10% of whatever Tiger wins.

UPDATE: HAHA, the PGA pulled the video. It must have copyright rights to Tiger's farts.