RON ARTEST WITH THE WINNING SHOT

I think about 99% of the Lakers crowd that Kobe was going to nail the winning shot and that is the reason why Ron Artest was left open with the rebound and game winning putback. The Suns knew Kobe would take the shot. He makes them most of the time anyways. But the gritty Artest pulled a little Dennis Rodman out of his hat and got in position for the board and the put back. Money. Now we got to wait and see if the Lakers and the Celtics can close out these Conference Finals and give us a rematch of the NBA Finals from two seasons ago. I personally want to see them play even though I usually root for the underdog. I like the Suns. I hate the Magic. But there is little doubt the Lakers vs. Celtics would be fun to watch for most of the nation.

Video HT: TheBigLead

GOLDEN TATE SINGING TAYLOR SWIFT

It would be tough to argue that Golden Tate was the most exciting player to wear the blue and gold since Rocket was returning kicks for TDs back in the day and as you all know I'm a huge fan of Golden. The football player. The singer not so much. It's still killing me that the Atlanta Falcons passed up the chance to take a playmaker like Golden and now I got to hear him sing Taylor Swift. Why don't you just go ahead and dig that fork in me a little more.

Oh yeah, I'm going on record now stating that Golden will absolutely crush it in the NFL. The kid flat out makes plays when the ball is in his hands and in my mind he plays identical to Carolina's Steve Smith. He might not be the tallest wideout but his speed, hands, balance, and toughness make him stand out on the football field. He will be a football star in Seattle.

PASSED OUT DRUNK

You know it's bad when some fat dude in an Old Navy shirt is making fun of you. If that were me and God and plenty of my friends know I have been there before and this was caught on tape and shown to the world then I would never pick up another beer. For at least a couple of days. Because once chubbies start making fun of your drinking then you know it's time to take a break from the booze.

Video HT: BarstoolSports

HAIL TO THE VIOLATIONS

Rich Rodriguez might just want to tuck his tail and run for cover. Things in Ann Arbor continue to get worse under DickRod's watch. They apparently bend the rules and still can't produce anything close to a winning season for the Maize and Blue...

The school admitted Tuesday to a series of violations by its storied football program and said it had reprimanded seven people, including third-year coach Rich Rodriguez. Another staffer was fired and the school released more than 150 pages detailing a breakdown in communication within the athletic department as well as self-imposed sanctions that include two years of probation.

The school now has to hope that its explanation and sanctions will satisfy the NCAA, which will hold a hearing on the case Aug. 13-14 in Seattle. A final decision isn’t expected for 6-10 weeks later, perhaps sometime during the Big Ten season.

Athletic director David Brandon said he doesn’t believe the problems related to practice time and coaching activities are enough to warrant the loss of scholarships or extreme disgrace.

“I don’t think this is a black eye,” Brandon said. “This is a bruise.”

As if an 8-16 record is not horrid enough now you have the NCAA investigating because you practice a little too much. This isn't a black eye for the football program it's more like a black eye on DickRod. How can you have more coaches allowed and more practice time and yet still suck balls? Michigan was a perennial winner before Rodriguez got his filthy West Virginia hands on the program and now they are a laughingstock.

Well it is true that I'm not the biggest Michigan fan but I want to see Michigan at least compete and do it the right way. Nobody likes cheaters except the USC AD. The Michigan football program has a tremendous tradition of always coming in second place to Ohio State in the Big Ten and I think for the good of the conference that needs to come back. In the meantime let's hold hands and sing "HAIL TO THE VIOLATIONS!"

DO NOT TOUCH ME AGAIN

Who knew hospital meetings could be so riveting? The director of community relations aka PR guy for the hospital has a real hands on approach when it comes to dealing with the media. I'm actually shocked the news reporter didn't just flat out slug the guy after he told him to stop. The PR guy continues to come at him like he is some fresh choir boy meat at a Catholic church. If some guy molests you like this PR guy does you have the right to flat out punch him right? The drama in this scenario flat out kills that garbage called Grey's Anatomy.

Video HT: HotClicks

MUST BE A PHILLY FAN

I guess they started letting in those crazy Philly fans into international basketball events. With the Flyers in the Stanley Cup Finals for the first time since 1997 I'm just waiting to see a fan jump over the glass and start harassing one of the Chicago Blackhawks on the bench. It's honestly the only way ESPN will show a highlight of hockey.

MORTAL KOMBAT BUS FIGHT

MORTAL KOMBAT BUS FIGHT - watch more funny videos

I played Mortal Kombat in the arcade probably 1000 times (no shitting you either, I still have that song in my head when I go to sleep) when I was a kid and I still would have gotten my ass kicked by Epic Beard Man. His form is flawless.

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND

As rough as this week has been for you or others take solace that you aren't matador Julio Aparicio. Deadspin posted the picture just a while ago of Aparicio literally taking a horn through the chin and out of his mouth. Somehow the guy is still alive but of course he is in critical condition. I wonder if he got a good view of the T-Bone's ass...wait a second, no, it's got to be your bull...



And for you sick people like myself who are skeptical of the picture being authentic (everything seems to be photoshopped these days) well then I give you this video. The bull clearly won this round...


Adios!

ARE YOU READY FOR THE WORLD CUP?

To be completely honest I'm not the biggest soccer fan in the world but I do appreciate the skill that is involved with not being able to use your hands in a sport. Seems strange to me but then again I'm just another dipshit American. With that being said this Nike commercial got me pumped up for some Italian and Argentinean flopping this summer down in South Africa. I'll be rooting as always for the Americans to beat the Brits in the early rounds and for someone to take out both Ronaldo and Ronaldniho. I want a country that no one expects to win it. Like Iraq. I think they deserve it with all the smart bombs they have had to deal with for the past decade. Nah, fuck it! Go USA!!!

ANDY RODDICK BETWEEN THE LEGS SHOT

Does it take big balls or no balls to pull off the in between the legs tennis shot? Because I'm thinking if you have big ones then you don't want a piece of solid graphite/titanium/whatever the fuck they make out of racquets these days swinging between your legs so close to your junk. But if you have no balls then go ahead and swing away. Brooklyn Decker could give us a solid answer. Or Roddick's boyfriend. Things that make you go hmmm.

BROOKS F@#KING CONRAD!

The Braves bats are coming alive my friends! Brooks stinkin Conrad hits the walk off grand slam today in the 9th to send the Braves to an improbable 10-9 win over the Cincinnati Reds. The Braves were down 8-0 and 9-1 before entering the 9th down 9-3. Starter Tommy Hanson was off his A game but the Bravos never gave up and chipped away until the Reds completely self destructed.

Back-to-back-to-back walk off 9th inning wins for the Bravos send them over the .500 mark for the first time since they were sitting at 8-7. Hopefully they can keep the momentum going with an offense that seems to be heating up as fast as the summer arrives here in the ATL.

Here is the walk off grand slam from Conrad which is sure to be pulled by MLB because they are puppy raping Nazis...

I HATE DOING LAUNDRY

I honestly can't stand doing laundry. Ever since my college days when I would have to go to a laundry mat and sit around in a shit hole with no air conditioning while waiting for 2 hours for my clothes to dry I get angry when I do laundry. But seeing The Hills Audrina What's her face do fake laundry in this photo shoot puts a smile in my bitter heart. Somebody with some entrepreneurial skills should start a business where hot women come and do your laundry in nothing but skimpy or no clothes at all. I'm married now but back in my single days I would have paid for it. The laundry of course is what I'm talking about. I like my shit folded with creases but I think I wouldn't give a rat's ass as long as there was Audrina prancing around in panties.



And if you were wondering if this post was just an excuse to post pictures of Audrina topless then you would be correct.

WEDDING PARTY PICTURE GONE WILD

Lesson be learned: Too many fatties in a wedding party can send the whole thing crashing down.

Video HT: Rick

FLOYD LANDIS IS THE DOPE

Finally disgraced cyclist Floyd Landis thought he could come out and pull his Pete Rose card out and get some sympathy for cheating his game but all he really has done is thrown the entire sport including his former teammate Lance Armstrong under the bus...

Mr. Landis said that Mr. Armstrong’s longtime coach, Johan Bruyneel, introduced Mr. Landis to the use of steroid patches, blood doping and human growth hormone in 2002 and 2003, his first two years on the U.S. Postal Service team. He alleged Mr. Armstrong helped him understand the way the drugs worked. “He and I had lengthy discussions about it on our training rides during which time he also explained to me the evolution of EPO testing and how transfusions were now necessary due to the inconvenience of the new test,” Mr. Landis claimed in the email. He claimed he was instructed by Mr. Bruyneel how to use synthetic EPO and steroids and how to carry out blood transfusions that doping officials wouldn’t be able to detect.

What is it with athletes not accepting responsibility for their own actions this week? At least Hanley Ramirez apologized yesterday both verbally to his teammates and coach and also literally with his bat and his hustle. Listen Floyd Landis: YOU ARE A DOUCHEBAG! Everyone knows you don't go snitching once you have been caught. This isn't going to save your pathetic career. Everyone knows Armstrong used PEDs. You don't just miraculously recover from stage 3 cancer and go on to win 7 consecutive Tour De France races without a little or a lot of help from some PEDs. Some people may have their head buried in the sand on this and think prayer and the grace of God saved him but science proves with Armstrong at least that we can all LIVESTRONG with the help of some drugs and medication. I've already come to the conclusion that Armstrong cheated just like Bonds and McGwire miraculously started hitting 70 HR's in a season. So all you are doing Landis is being the dope. Stop being an asshole and go ride a bike or something.

THE J-HEY KID IS SO FREAKING MONEY

Just another game and another walk off double for The J-Hey Kid. No big deal with a game of 2 doubles and a triple. Just continues to play hero on a team that desperately needs him to be clutch every time he comes to bat. Heyward is so fucking money they should just hand him the Rookie of the Year Award along with the key to the city now.

The Bravos would easily be 5 to 6 games below .500 right now if Heyward was picking his nose in the minors. Instead he leads the team in OPS, RBI's, Slugging Percentage, and bitches who want to get on his nuts. Sorry Chipper and McCann but this is now The J-Hey Kid's team. 20 years old and already he has Albert Pujols nervous about stealing away his MVP Awards.

GOTTA LOVE BULL SHIT BIG TEN RUMORS

All of these come courtesy of Tom Dienhart's Tweets who apparently is a college football "writer" for Yahoo/Rivals...

If Texas and ND joined the Big Ten, the thought is they would request to play each other every year.
about 3 hours ago via Twitter for BlackBerry®

If ND joins the Big Ten, there is talk the league wouldn't take any other Big East schools.
about 3 hours ago via Twitter for BlackBerry®

And it sounds like the Big East may be pushing ND to discussions with the Big Ten. Play football in the Big East--or get out.
about 4 hours ago via web

Big Ten, Texas, ND are discussing a special rule to accommodate both schools. Instead of playing 8 league games, both would play 7.
about 4 hours ago via web

Latest Big Ten expansion buzz has the league focusing on Notre Dame, Texas, Nebraska.
about 4 hours ago via web

Listen I would love for Notre Dame and Texas to join the Big Ten and play each other every year but the special rule of 7 league games for the two of them is such bull shit I can't believe Dienhart would even "Tweet" it. I've come to the conclusion over the past 31 years that college football is a fucking mess because the NCAA doesn't control shit. I mean seriously why in the hell is Notre Dame still holding on to the independent status in football? I love Notre Dame football and all the tradition and everything about the school but they need to wake up and just join a conference. And the only reason why I want them to join a conference is so the Big Ten can expand to 16 teams and we can start moving toward an eventual playoff system.

I mean it's 2010 and we still have a bunch of greedy a-holes in charge of an archaic bowl system that doesn't mean shit. If the NCAA had any balls (which they don't as evidence with the lack of USC sanctions) they would give Notre Dame an ultimatum to join a conference like the rest of the free world (except Navy and Army) or they will never be given a chance to play for a National Title even if they go undefeated. Notre Dame fans are pretty much divided when it comes to joining a conference. Some love the idea. Some absolutely loathe joining the Big Ten. But guess what? All of them would get over it in about 20 minutes once Notre Dame finally caved and just joined the conference. The money will be more and the incentive to play for a conference championship is something the current football players could look forward to.

Ohio State AD Gene Smith made some good points to USA Today about Notre Dame joining the conference...

There has been speculation Notre Dame could again be approached. That strikes a chord with Ohio State's Smith, a Notre Dame alumnus.

"I've always struggled with my alma mater," he said. "I love them deeply, and the things I enjoy in life today are because of my experiences there, so my feelings run deep, really deep. If they end up being one of the schools, I hope that they would consider what a conference championship means to a young person.

"I was blessed to be there when we were winning national championships, as a coach and a player. The landscape has changed. … For me, I've just got to believe that for a Notre Dame football player, winning a conference championship and having that conference ring is a memorable experience, and then chasing a national championship. You can do both."

Some ND alums want to argue that Notre Dame would lose it's "brand" as a national university. No. It wouldn't. Just because the Yankees are in the American League East and the Duke Blue Devils are in the ACC and the Dallas Cowboys are in the NFC East doesn't mean they lost their "national brand." People are still going to love or hate Notre Dame throughout the world.

Personally I wish Notre Dame would join today because I think it would help create a huge domino effect. The Big Ten could get Texas, Missouri, Rutgers, and Pitt to make it a 16 team super conference with an incredible championship game in Chicago in the cold of December. Notre Dame could still play USC and Navy out of conference and would also create new rivalries with the likes of Texas, Ohio State, Penn State, Wisconsin, etc. This would be incredible. It would also force the SEC to expand and steal schools such as Miami, FSU, Clemson, and Georgia Tech from the ACC. The SEC would be absolutely sick. The PAC 10 could add Utah, BYU, Boise State, and UNLV among others so USC can still play a weak conference schedule every year and get their ass kicked with Lane Kiffin following the path of Paul Hackett's steps. The Big 12, Big East and ACC could join together for another conference of whomever is left after the Big Ten, SEC, and PAC 10 steals away their other teams.

That would make it 4 power conferences with 64 total teams. The other 50 plus schools who are 1-A or FBS or whatever the fuck you want to call it can either drop down to 1-AA or make their own conferences and play in all those bullshit bowl games that don't mean anything. The 4 conference winners then play in a playoff. Two semifinals. One final that would be bigger than the Super Bowl. You could fill in all of the other bowl games with teams who finished with at least 7 victories.

BAM. There you go. I just outbid Dienhart on his BS Big Ten rumors with my own mess of a scenario. Now go post this shit everywhere.

GREAT MOVIE POSTER

HolyTaco has some literal movie posters for all the summer shit coming to our screens this year. I thought this "Twilight" one was the funniest only because I've actually watched the first two movies (yes, I know, I'm gay, you win) and kind of enjoyed sleeping while watching them with the wife. The "Sex and the City" poster would have been great if they would have put the puppet from "Tales from the Crypt" on there instead of that retarded donkey.

MY FUCKING BALLS DUDE

Video HT: BarstoolSports had this priceless classic up before I could get to it. I love everything about this video. First he completely busts it on the concrete which is always funny. Second not one of his stoner buddies even reacts to his fall at first. They just sit there and try not to laugh or think about Cheetos. And then "I'm bleeding out of my fucking balls dude!" comes out of the kid's mouth and then you realize he isn't faking it. The kid's scrotum looks like shredded cheese on a taco. Now that is funny video.

Here is the extended version...."THIRD TIME IS A CHARM!"....

I'M NOT DRUNK: THE GAME

Back in the day I could have beaten this game in like a couple of hours. Today not so much. No worries though because it's in God's plan right?


Video HT: Andrew

HANLEY RAMIREZ INSERTS FOOT INTO MOUTH

Apparently Hanley Ramirez is trying to defend himself today for his lack of effort by telling reporters that the rest of his teammates are lazy assholes and his coach Fredi Gonzalez has no idea what he is talking about because he never played a game in the majors. Oh this is going to get really interesting...

"It's his team. He can do what he [expletive] wants," Ramirez said of Gonzalez.

Ramirez told reporters he wasn't planning on apologizing to his teammates or his manager. Whether that changes over the next day or two remains to be seen.

"For what?" Ramirez said. "We've got a lot of people jogging it, after ground balls. They don't pull guys."

"It's OK. He doesn't understand that. He never played in the big leagues. That's fine," Ramirez said. "That's the example that he set. It started with me. Let's see how far it goes."

How is that some athletes can be so fucking stupid and not let their precious ego get in the way? All Hanley has to do is apologize to his teammates and the coaches and go out there and hustle. It's that simple. All will be forgiven. But instead he has to piss and moan like a spoiled brat because he was benched when it was his own damn fault.

To Gonzalez credit he is doing the right thing. It's not Hanley's team no matter if he makes the most money and is the proverbial "face of the franchise." Hanley will not get a sniff of playing time unless he mans up and shows some respect to the rest of his team. He needs to grow up and realize that the Marlins expect him to lead by example.

Or else he will be traded to the Orioles where All-Stars go to die.

HANLEY RAMIREZ DISPLAYS HIS INNER YUNEL ESCOBAR

This is the kind of shit I can't stand in baseball. Baseball is the ultimate lazy man sport to begin with and the most you will ever have to run is around the bases is on a home run. Most of the time you just stand around and spit. Trust me, I do it every Saturday in my rec league. This is why I can't stand when guys who get paid millions of dollars to play a fucking lackadaisical game give an effort like this.

Hanley Ramirez obviously doesn't give a shit about his teammates or if they win. He would rather be soaking up the Miami sun then hustle to atone for his fucking error to begin with. I know Hanley is a superstar but fuck him. I would suspend him for a week without pay for the garbage he pulled last night. Fredi Gonzalez to his credit benched him immediately after the inning due to "a lack of effort."

"He got smoked with the ball in the ankle," Gonzalez said of the foul off Ramirez's leg. "But whether he's hurt or not hurt, we felt like the effort wasn't there that we wanted. There are 24 guys out there, busting their butts."

Seeing the lack of hustle with Hanley brings back painful memories of Yunel Escobar of the Braves. Another exceptional talent who thinks the world revolves around him and his mere presence in the lineup is reason alone not to give everything he has on the field. What Hanley pulled last night was shocking to me. I've never seen a player show such an utter disregard to even trying on the field.

It's so embarrassing that the Marlins should just go ahead and trade him to the Orioles along with Josh Johnson for Garrett Atkins straight up. At least Atkins hustles when he sucks.

ROGER FEDERER PULLS A ROB DEER

And completely whiffs match point with Rafa Nadal yesterday in Madrid...


I kind of dig how Rafa pulls a "Fairchild" at the end and accidentally brushes the ball girl straight in the boobs. The difference is Rafa is Spaniard and gets away with it because Europeans aren't all hung up about sexual groping on the clay court. In America with our 10 billion laws I would have been castrated for even thinking about brushing my ugly ass on a set of funbags.

Nice way to play it off Rafa by falling into the clay after the grope. Those Spaniards are so slick.

Video HT: TheBigLead

IT LOOKS LIKE HULK HOGAN'S KID IS OUT OF JAIL

Busted Coverage has this excellent video of a streaker in Tampa Bay eluding the Notre Dame defense. Oh wait, never mind, it's only the security detail at Tropicana Field. You gotta love the gang tackle form. It's like they were trained by Hulk Hogan himself. Oh yeahhhhhhh!!!!!!

THIS WEDDING DJ PLAYS SOME AMAZING AIR DRUMS

In case anybody was wondering where disgraced ESPN baseball announcer Steve Phillips had been hiding well I think we found him.

Still motorboating the big girls too.

Oh yeah, this DJ is now an overnight internet sensation. Next wedding I go to I will be severely disappointed not to see this guy there banging this shit out of milktits.

CATHOLICS VS. CONVICTS GAME IN SOLDIER FIELD?

The Chicago Tribune has a "source" close to the Notre Dame football program with details being worked out to renew a heated rivalry with the University of Miami for a game in 2012 at Soldier Field in Chicago.

FUCKING AWESOME!

Back in the 80's and early 90's it would be difficult to find a more tumultuous rivalry between two teams than the "Catholics Vs. Convicts" games played in Notre Dame Stadium and at the old Orange Bowl. Notre Dame and Miami hated each other with a passion that was so deep it often spilled out into fights even before the game started. Both programs were proverbial "powerhouses" during those days with rosters exploding with college football greats and future NFL stars with contrasting styles. The Notre Dame program with Lou Holtz at the command was portrayed as the lily white Catholic school with outstanding moral values who stood for the greater good of America by the media. The Miami program on the other hand with Jimmy Johnson and Dennis Erickson were the thugs from down south who represented things that were morally corrupt during the time. Of course these were fed to the public by the media and I ate it up back in those days.

To give you a feel for the energy of these games here is an intro clip from CBS back in 1988...


Notre Dame went on to win the game 31-30 and helped stake claim to it's last National Championship. The next season Miami won the head-to-head matchup at the Orange Bowl and went on to claim the "Team of the 80's" with another NC. They haven't played each other since 1990 when Notre Dame beat Miami thanks to an effective defense that created a ton of Hurricanes turnovers.

If in fact the game is finalized it will hopefully represent a reemergence of the two programs. Both Notre Dame and Miami have struggled for years to stake claim to anything remotely close to "National Championship" talk but both have the resources to return to glory. Brian Kelly brings a proven track record of winning every where he goes including leading Cincinnati to an undefeated regular season last year and should have the Irish hitting on all cylinders by 2012 which could be Dayne Crist and Manti Te'o final season in the blue and gold. Randy Shannon contract was just renewed for 4 years and he has helped clean up a Miami program that was hit by sanctions.

And if you were wondering if there will be a shirt done for this game you can already stop asking. Of course there will be. We are already working on designs. Nonlicensed ones so you can expect some good shit.

BROOKLYN DECKER IS STILL MARRIED TO ANDY RODDICK

And it's just another reason to hate the guy. I mean I get celebrity marriages. They are basically shams to cover up homoerotic behavior or for publicity purposes and clearly Brooklyn hit a two arm forehand with Roddick. But it's time to quit the games Brooklyn. You know and I know Roddick is out there banging whatever smiles at him. Look at you. You just look unhappy and alone...


It's time to face the truth and ditch Roddick before he goes all Tiger on you. You don't need that embarrassment and you don't deserve it. Come to the SportsCrack and smell this beautiful handkerchief. Ignore the raw ether I call love. I know it's a funny smell but you will grow to love it...


Pictures courtesy of WWTDD

PLAYBOY IN 3-D

Guys are really simple when it comes to what we like to look at and Playboy has been cashing in for over 50 years. The articles are what sell the magazine right? I love to see the reactions of the 3-D pictorial of centerfold Hope Dworaczyk. It's like they have never seen boobs in real life. "Woah, they look real!" "Daddy likey!" "I got get me some of that!" "I would so drug her and put her in my cellar!" are a just a few of the random things I heard in this video. Great job by Hugh Hefner to change it up this year. This should help sell a couple hundred more copies.

Oh and in case you are wondering how this is sports related well Hope use to "date" Jason Kidd. Supposedly they were dating back when Kidd was still married. Which gives me reason to post these pictures...

ARIZONA STATE APPLICANTS JUST WENT UP

If I were a high school senior I would be tearing up that application to Harvard or Notre Dame or whatever bullshit school that doesn't have Undie Run. Would you rather go to some place that is cold and full of fat people or do you want to party with future strippers/Tiger Woods mistresses?

Uh huh...that is what I thought. God Bless ASU.

Video HT: BarstoolSports

TIGER WOODS WITHDRAWS BECAUSE OF A BULGING DICK

HAHA...Awesome.

This is what Tiger needs to do to get his shit back. Get a divorce first. Give Elin everything you got. Start from scratch.

Second thing he needs to do is to start banging whores again. We know you aren't a Saint Tiger. Or even a Fake Phil. Embrace the dark side and run with it.

Third thing is he needs to hire me as his caddy. I'll take 5% or less. I could be your ultimate wingman. Call me.

BRIAN CUSHING CHEATED....NO WAY!

Houston Texans linebacker Brian Cushing was suspended for the first four games in 2010 due to a test he took last September, league sources told ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter.

Cushing appealed the test in February and lost -- and was suspended this month by the NFL. It is unclear when he was informed that he failed the test.

Cushing was named The Associated Press' Defensive Rookie of the Year and went to the Pro Bowl in 2009.

Cushing was hounded by rumors of performance-enhancing drug use before he became a pro, but the Texans were undeterred. They said then they found no truth to those rumors in their draft preparations.

Former USC linebacker Cushing has long been rumored to be on the juice. If you just look at the picture above with a reasonable eye you can tell he was pumping his shit with mass quantities while at USC. And in case you are wondering the pictures are not photoshopped. The one on the left is him during his freshman season with the milktits. The one on the right is him after roiding. Pretty much cut and dry.

Of course he never got busted in college because he went to USC and the NCAA treats them with kid gloves. Or O.J's. Whatever seems to fit at the time. I reached out to Cushing to get his side of the story. Let's just say he was still pumped up about getting a place at the table...



Cheat On Trojans! Cheat On!

WILL YOU JUST FIRE THIS GUY ALREADY

On Friday the Braves managed to hit rock bottom in terms of hitting by managing 2 fucking hits all game against some dinosaur named Jamie Moyer. Without the J-Hey Kid in the lineup the Braves are a collection of neanderthals aka Zane Smiths out there. They can't hit worth a shit. At all. Check out these stats.

Team Batting Average: .232 (27th of 30)
Runs Scored: 121 (25th of 30)
Home Runs: 18 (27th of 30)
RBIs: 114 (25th of 30)
Slugging Percentage: .337 (28th of 30)

They have been sitting in timeout for the last 5 years with Terry Pendleton as their hitting coach and it continues to get worse. Bobby Cox or Frank Wren don't have the balls to fire him because somehow they think their hitters will either come around or it's not entirely TP's fault. I can hear the laughter now. It's a collection of Kelly Johnson, Adam Laroche, and Andruw Jones cracking up with the mere thought of TP as the hitting coach. I loved Pendleton as a player but I really can't stand him as a "coach."

There is some thought among sportswriters in Atlanta that the only reason why Pendleton hasn't been fired is because he will be Cox's replacement next year. Fuck. It's on par with FSU naming Jimbo Fisher as successor to another Bobby, Bowden. It's going to get bad. Real bad. Just fire TP now. The season can still be saved.

FACE OF THE NBA

You can have all your talk about Kobe or Lebron or even Dwight being the face of the NBA but I don't want to hear it. When it comes to Canadian white point guards none of those fools can match up with the Sun's Steve Nash. Look at that face. It's the face of an angel. On acid.

In honor of Nash leading the Suns to a sweep of the San Antonio Spurs I demand all SportsCrack heads out there to Netflix the outrageous Canadian movie "Trailer Park Boys-Countdown to Liquor Day." If you haven't seen these guys in action you are seriously missing out. Bubbles is my hero. Here is a little sneak peak of the film that never made it to American theaters because we are too fucking stupid to handle Canadian redneck humor...


Image HT: Extra Mustard

PEGGY'S FEMALE PLUG-IN FRESHNESS

Angus beef and beer smell...ahhhh....it's amazing how far feminine products have come these days...

OHIO STATE SAYS FU NOTRE DAME

Ohio State would like to be known as the queen of horrific music videos with this "Glee" inspired flash mob dance....


Wow! The gayness factor was through the roof on this one but what did you expect, it's Columbus. I still think the Notre Dame one is more embarrassing. The Midwest schools should just do what they do best: lose big time in BCS Bowl games.

LAWRENCE TAYLOR'S MUGSHOT SAYS IT ALL

Last night I watched this program on Lawrence Taylor and Tara Conner (former Miss USA who tested positive for drugs) talking about their battles with substance abuse and I was thinking to myself "good they finally kicked their demons." Talk about an all-time jinx. Last night LT was busted in New York City for rape of a 15-year-old girl...

Police in New York arrested former Giants LB Lawrence Taylor and accused him of raping a 15-year-old girl on Thursday.

Taylor was held after being arrested by Ramapo, N.Y., police and charged with third-degree rape.

The allegations stemmed from an incident at the Holiday Inn in Suffern, N.Y., Ramapo Detective Lt. Brad Weidel told the Journal News.

Ramapo police supervisor Christopher St. Lawrence told the Journal News that the victim was a runaway from the Bronx and that she had been assaulted.

"She was a runaway since March and there was a pimp involved," St. Lawrence told the paper. "She got punched in the face. We're not sure who did it."

Third degree rape is statutory in case you were wondering. I think the mug shot pretty much paints the picture for LT. The guy has to be back on crack right? And we're not talking about the good ole SportsCrack. Those eyes have "crack pipe" and "pimp" written all over it. It's sad to think LT has thrown away most of his adult life due to drugs. He can't even remember his kids growing up for the most part because he was so consumed with addiction. Last night on the program which I believe was on A&E he talked about being clean for over a decade and how he would never go back to drugs because it would kill him. There really is nothing funny to say. The guy is just fucked up and needs to get some help by spending some time in jail.

THANKS BOBBY COCKS

You can always rely on the government to fuck up something so simple even if it's a spelling of a name. Bobby Cox was honored yesterday on Capitol Hill with a cake that read "Thanks for 50 Great Years Bobby Cocks!" DC should be honoring Cox after all the Nationals seem to get half their win total versus the Bravos. Maybe one of these days Bobby will wake up and realize your leadoff batters shouldn't have the worst on base percentage on the team and your best hitter shouldn't be batting 6th in the lineup. Nah! Eat your cake buddy.

Image HT: D.C. Sports Bog

RIP ERNIE HARWELL

Baseball lost a legend yesterday as long time Detroit Tigers announcer and Hall of Famer Ernie Harwell passed at the age of 92. Harwell is an icon in Detroit and will be missed dearly. Ernie goes out as a class act and will surely be impossible to replace. RIP Ernie Harwell.

CONAN O'BRIEN'S 60 MINUTES INTERVIEW

Conan O'Brien's 60 Minutes Inner Monologue - watch more funny videos

What better way to celebrate Cinco De Mayo than to have a fellow Mexican talk about getting screwed over by the man? It's a shame when Mexicans like Conan can no longer get solid jobs in the States because of their cheese belly's. I mean is it not obvious that Conan is clearly more funny and relevant than Leno? I'm going to pour one of Mexico's finest beers of Guinness out today for Conan, a native Mexican with his dark complexion. Senor Dingdong would be proud.

PHILLIES FAN GETTING TASERED

Fucking awesome. Brings tears to these eyes to see some douchebag Phillies fan getting tasered in front of 40,000 plus screaming maniacs in Philadelphia. They should make this a new sport. It would be like the 8 seconds on a bull. The person who lasts the longest on the field at Citizen's Bank Park before getting tasered wins season tickets or Chase Utley's jock strap.

In case you were wondering the kid being tasered is a teenager and is going to a school we can all relate to...

Wayne Consalvi told the newspaper that his son was not drinking and he wasn't on drugs. Steve Consalvi is "a real good student, heading to Penn State," his father told the Philadelphia Daily News.

Now it makes perfect sense. The kid should be wearing a State Penn shirt. Kids will never learn.

ARKANSAS PEOPLE SOUND INTELLIGENT

I have nothing against Arkansas people. Why would I? But why is this "guy" and I use the term loosely just hanging out in his truck like it's nothing after being thrown around by a tornado in it? The only reason I can think of is he probably has no pants on. That is the great thing about Arkansas. Pants are optional.

Video HT: BarStoolSports

THE WHITE WOMEN'S WORKOUT

Works every time...

White Women's Workout - watch more funny videos