It seems Washington Huskies coach Ty Willingham has learned the only way to recruit the best players in the country is by perfecting your stroke...on the golf course! Willingham is a notoriously lazy recruiter who would rather spend his days on the links than on the front lines of recruit's homes and schools. This was one of the main reasons why Notre Dame fired him.
It's good to see nothing has changed up in Washington for old Ty. I'm sure his whole game plan this season is to give the ball to Jake Locker. Don't worry about drawing up plays or anything, just "let him do his thing" will be Ty's motto again this season. The scary part is Locker is talented enough to perhaps send the Huskies to a winning season and a bowl game thus insuring the long nightmare of Huskies fans will live on with Willingham given an extension at the end of the year.
Apparently Kevin Millar and Jason Varitek had a NBA Finals bet going on with whomever lost had to cut, dye, and style their hair to look like Vanilla Ice back in the "Ice, Ice, Baby" days.
Here is Millar coming out for his first at-bat last night in Baltimore against the Astros...
"To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal" was Millar last night as he delivered the game winning hit last night for the O's. I used to listen to "Ice, Ice, Baby" all the time when I was in middle school and even had the dance moves down. Don't laugh because everybody did. Now my music selection is much more selective as I only listen to the greats like Hannah Montana and Britney Spears.
The Daily Dump is SportsCrack's review of the day before today while sitting on the porcelain throne, sometimes painful, sometimes oh so sweet...
Okay, it appears the "daily" dump is now becoming the "weekly" dump. I promise to eat more fiber and keep it rocking. Ain't that right Marisa?
MLB -How about that Orioles magic? The Orioles again came back last night, albeit a 1-0 deficit in the 7th, to beat the Astros 2-1 on Kevin Millar's RBI single in the 9th inning. The O's now sit 2 games over .500 for the first time since May 22nd and go for the sweep of former O's teammate Miggy's Astros tonight. Luke Scott, whom was acquired in the Tejada trade this offseason, hit a measured 423 foot home run in the 7th to tie the game.
-The Chicago Cubs experienced some discomfort last night against the Rays in losing not only the game but possibly their ace in Carlos Zambrano. Zambrano left during the 7th inning with a sore pitching shoulder and will have a MRI today.
"He's got shoulder discomfort, and we don't know more than that," Cubs manager Lou Piniella said.
After losing Alfonso Soriano to a broken hand the Cubbies can't afford to lose their ace for a reasonable amount of time. Oh wait, they play in the NL Central. Nevermind, Zambrano can go on a five week sabbatical and it still wouldn't matter. The Cubs are a shoo-in to win this division. Mark my words.
-You don't know how much this hurts me to say this but, fuck me, JD Drew deserves to be on the All-Star team this season. Drew has been on a tear of late and came up a triple short of the cycle yesterday in helping the Red Sox beat the Phillies 7-4. JD finished with 4 hits and seemed to thrive when hearing the boos from the Phillies faithful. You can watch his line drives at this link. After praising Drew you know it's only a matter of hours before he goes down with a case of swollen asinitis.
I'm not going to make fun of Kevin Garnett. In fact, I love to see players get emotional when they just won a championship. Garnett wanted it so badly he thanked his baby's momma. You know you want it a lot if you are thanking your baby Boo.
I wonder what Adidas reps thought when he shouted it out. I could see some short pencil pusher white guy with glasses running up to KG and shouting "No KG, it's IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING, IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING!!" while being pushed over by the mob and crying at the end. KG's tears were made of joy. The corporate guy's tears were made from the impending corporate downsizing he surely faced today.
Ousted Seattle Mariner's GM Bill Bavasi had some nice parting words for starting pitcher Erik Bedard during his press conference...(fast forward to the 2:00 minute mark)...
"He'll have a stupid answer for you, you can count on it,'' Bavasi said. "He'll have some dumbass answer.''
Wow, apparently Bavasi didn't do his homework before trading for Bedard. Look, Bedard was the same way in Baltimore. He hates to talk to the media and he throws a ton of pitches. He seems unemotional but these are things Bavasi should have already known before cleaning out their minor league talent to acquire him. Bedard isn't the reason why you got fired. He may be one of the reasons but there was the ridiculous signing of Richie Sexson. Sexson has been horrible and with his fat contract is not even an adequate first baseman. The Adrian Beltre signing backfired too. You passed on the chance to get Vladimir Guerrero and Miguel Tejada and instead opted for Raul Ibanez and Rich Aurilia. You gave Carlos effing Silva a stupid contract. You were the worst GM by far in major league baseball.
Don't blame Bedard for your downfall. Look in the mirror Bavasi and read the press clippings. You can only blame yourself for putting the Mariners in the gutter. And I have no idea what he means by "white line fever." Sounds like a fun supermodel party to me. Maybe Bavasi is still coked up because all of his baseball moves were as rational as a cokehead.
The Boston Celtics won their 17th NBA Championship last night by absolutely destroying the Los Angeles Lakers to give the long suffering Boston Chowderheads another sports championship. With the Red Sox winning two World Series, the Patriots winning three Super Bowls, and now the Celtics winning one I think it is appropriate to call Boston Titletown. Yes the New York Giants won the Super Bowl but the city of New York will be getting grief for a long time from all the Massholes who are reveling in this championship run.
First of all, let me start by saying I’m shitfaced. Second of all, I’m drenched in beer from people doing the champagne thing in the bar. Third of all I’m shitfaced. Having said that I feel like I need to write a quick blog before I pass out. Now I’m not one of those guys who like to say I told you so. So I’m not going to sit here and brag about how at the beginning of this series I said that the Lakers being a 2 to 1 favorite was one of the biggest jokes of all time. I’m not going to say that I told you the Celtics would not only win this series but they’d dominate it. I’m not going to say that I told you Paul Pierce was just as good as Kobe Bryant. I’m not going to bring up how everybody except the Stool overlooked the fact that the Celts were 25-5 against the West this year. I’m not going to mention how I was 7-0 in mortal locks this series. The bottom-line is that bragging about that type of shit just isn’t my style. And more importantly anybody can look like a genius when you live in Boston. I mean we fucking own this world! Honestly how many fucking parades can one city have? Congratulations Boston, we did it again! And to everybody who doesn’t like us. Fuck off and suck our rings!
And you know he is absolutely right. They own the sports world right now. No need to argue the fact. And yes we are all jealous of the championships. But in doing so they have become the new New York. Loud and brash and ready to tell everybody that "O'doyle rules."
This shirt is the new motto for all Irish people and fans this season when it comes to achieving greatness. We either Hughes it with our Shamrock 33 back or there is a chance we could lose it.
The shirt is $17 and is available at HUGHES IT OR LOSE IT which of course is an exclusive Sportscrack Tee.
Down to the final hole on 18, Rocco Mediate has a one shot lead over Tiger Woods. Going for his first ever major at the age of 45 a lot of people are pulling for Rocco including myself. But a lot more people are pulling for Tiger.
The drama continues...
UPDATE at 4:07 PM: Tiger just birded the 18th to send it into a sudden death playoff. Rocco still looks confident and calm while Tiger continues to be Tiger.
No nerves. No emotion. Tiger can't be human.
UPDATE at 4:14 PM: Tiger hits the fairway on his first drive in sudden death. Now Rocco, the 158th ranked golfer in the world, snaps his drive into the bunker and finally looks flustered.
UPDATE at 4:17 PM: Rocco still joking and laughing while he walks up the fairway. As much pressure as there is it looks like Rocco is having the time of his life. His lie in the bunker is not TOO bad, but then again it's never fun to be on the beach when you are on a golf course.
UPDATE at 4:19 PM: You can pretty much put it in the bag for Tiger. Rocco pulls his second shot into the grandstand area.
UPDATE at 4:21 PM: Tiger is going to hit his 9 Iron into the green. Of course he nails it on the green, now just needs to two putt it for another Championship.
UPDATE at 4:23 PM: Rocco gets a drop because he is within a club length of the grandstand. He pretty much needs to hit it within 5 feet to give himself a chance. No spin on the ball going into the green, he now has at least a 15 footer for par. Tiger remains stoic as usual.
By the way, Hi Def golf looks incredible.
UPDATE at 4:27 PM: Tiger just comes short on his par putt, maybe 2 inches if that. Rocco now has to nail his long par putt to send it to another sudden death hole.
UPDATE at 4:28 PM: Rocco misses the putt wide right. Tiger wins again. Rocco handles it with class and gives Tiger a hug. 14th majors now for Tiger. Jack Nicklaus continues to look in his rearview mirror, a Tiger continues to creep up on him.
The reason why Tiger wins these tournaments is because he is so mentally tough. It was something his father instilled him. I know this because Nike told me...
Who is this Tiger Woods again? Never heard of him but I think he has a future in the game of golf. Talk about clutch, I believe Tiger now defines the word. It's not often I get the chills when watching sporting events and it sure as hell usually never occurs when watching golf but this putt was simply...awesome! Watch the replay over and over and you can't help but get fired up after seeing Tiger go ballistic after squeezing in the putt on the 18th to send it to a playoff today against Rocco Mediate.
I actually wore red yesterday while playing golf with my Dad on Father's Day and the funny thing is he wore red too. If you don't think Tiger is the most influential and powerful sports athlete out there (yes, Tiger is an athlete) then you simply haven't been paying attention. Everyone wants to be Tiger. Just like everyone wanted to be like Mike.
Unfortunately I shot a 96 yesterday so I have a way to go. But I did have a few pars. (crickets chirping)
The Baltimore Orioles sported their throwback 1979 uniforms tonight and brought back the magic with a come from behind 9-6 victory over the Pittsburgh Pirates. A near sellout crowd at Camden Yards witnessed the O's storm back from a 6-1 deficit behind some timely hitting from Kevin Millar(pictured above), Luke Scott(monster homerun), and a cast of others to take the first game in a series with a Pirates club making their first trip to Baltimore since the 1979 World Series.
The victory deserves a tip of the hat to the guys wearing the orange, black and white. The club never gives up and they are a fun team to watch.
Go O's. I also love the fact the players flip up their bills in honor of George Sherrill, who now has 22 saves. I would say the trade of Erik Bedard is working out real good for the O's so far. The Mariners not so much.
It's not very often a team blows a 24 point lead on their home court to go down 3-1 against the hated Boston Celtics in the NBA Finals but the Lakers managed the impossible. There was absolutely no excuse for the loss last night. Tim Donaghy did not enter that door at the Staples Center so to speak. The Lakers just flat out choked and Kobe did his complete opposite of MJ by hitting only 6 of 19 shots from the floor while scoring 17 points. You have to wonder as poorly as Kobe shot last night if his meaning of doing 20 shots of the hard stuff meant he would only hit 7 successful ones. A performance like last night deserves the almighty Jack Daniels but for some reason I imagine Kobe doing Fuzzy Naval or Sex on the Beach shots with some young cheerleader who will wake up with a sore bunghole.
The Atlanta Hawks decided to give coach Mike Woodson a two year extension despite never having a winning season and having an overall record of 106 wins and 222 losses during his four seasons at the Highlight Factory. Um, what the fuck are they thinking? Woodson is one of the worst basketball coaches I have ever witnessed. He can't even draw up plays for a half court offense. The guy was begging to get fired all season with his team underachieving. And yet somehow making the playoffs at 8 games under .500 is a reason to give him an extension? Idiots I tell you.
Throw in the other curious decisions of the local teams such as the Thrashers deciding to keep GM Don Waddell despite the club never having the experience of winning a playoff game in almost a decade of existence, the Falcons decision to draft Matt Ryan and then give him $72 million despite never playing a down in the NFL after the Michael Vick fiasco, and the Braves going down the shitter with more aging stars going on the disabled list. Yet people wonder why Atlanta gets a rap as such a horrible sports town? They beg the fans not to show up with their idiotic moves.
The professional teams overall track record is the reason why Atlanta is such a huge Georgia Bulldogs and overall college football city. They give you reason to root for them because they tend to be winners and are enjoying to watch. The rest of Atlanta sports is not for the most part. And yes, I know the Bulldogs play in Athens but they pretty much own the city of Atlanta with all the grads living here.
So what could be done to remedy all of this ineptitude? New ownership. The Hawks and Thrashers are owned by the Atlanta Spirit Group and they simply don't know how to run an organization. Their decisions on GMs is horrible with both organizations failing to bring in top notch minds in their respective sports. Waddell and recently fired GM Billy Knight are just examples. Same with the Atlanta Falcons. Rich McKay was a horrible GM and his replacement is some college scout who already has displayed an ability to know...well...nothing. And don't even get me started with the Braves GM Frank Wren. Recently retired John Schuerholz was a genius at trades but his protege Wren was a failure in Baltimore and his decision not to add a starting pitcher halfway through the season last year cost the Braves a legitimate chance of making the playoffs. But of course bringing back Tom Glavine was pure brilliance to a staff that already had Mike Hampton who just finished filming his scenes for "Unbreakable 2" and the great but due to go down with an injury John Smoltz.
At least college football season is only 2 1/2 months away. Georgia should be the preseason #1 team in the country or near the top and Georgia Tech fired Chan Gailey and replaced him with Navy's Paul Johnson who should have Tech playing for New Year's Day bowl games before you know it.
The Daily Dump is SportsCrack's review of the day before today while sitting on the porcelain throne, sometimes painful, sometimes oh so sweet...
MLB -The Washington Nationals are such a miserable fucking team that even when they have dramatic homeruns by players such as Lastings Milledge to win games they manage to get in fights with each other. This time it was between Elijah Dukes (huge shock right?) and manager Manny Acta after the homerun. Mr. Irrelevant has the video...
Damn, Dukes just burned Acta with the "fuck off I'm not going to high five your ass" gesture at the end of the game. With the recent scuffles between the Rays players, the Red Sox players, and now the Nationals it clearly shows people in the East are going crazy with this scolding hell of a summer.
-Alfonso Soriano is now out 6 weeks after getting plunk in the hand and breaking a bone in last night's win over the Atlanta Braves. With the injury expect Mark De Rosa to be moved back out to left field and Ronny Cedeno to play more second base. The Cubs are still in first place but you have to wonder if this will be the catalyst for another collapse of epic proportions for the Cubbie faithful. Oh wait, we still have like 90 plus fucking games left, never mind about an epic collapse. Rick Sutcliffe has a new favorite color, it's called Erin Andrews panties...
Sutcliffe is a funny mofo and I hope he gets real healthy real fast. I met him at a bar in Spring Training down in Scottsdale, AZ a few years back for Fat Tuesday and the guy was hysterical and of course drunk as hell. He was with Bob Brenly and my dad and I started up a conversation with them and they were both great guys. Later on in the night Brenly had to pull Sutcliffe's tongue out of some 20 something year old blonde's mouth just to get him out of the place. God it was fucking classic. Sutcliffe is so tall it looked like a giraffe feeding his baby. Get better Suts, baseball needs more characters like you.
-Dan Uggla was having an Ugg game with 3 strikeouts against Phillies starter Cole Hamels(13 K's) but then the Phillies got stupid and put in Tom Flash Gordon to preserve the game. Cue the dramatics...
Walk off grand slam!!
COLLEGE FOOTBALL -My alma mater, Georgia State, has decided to throw their hat into the college football world and will be hiring former Georgia Tech coach Bill Curry as their first head coach today. The Panthers will begin play in 2010 under Curry and their home games will be in the Georgia Dome while playing in Division 1-AA. The state of Georgia has so much talent in football it shouldn't be hard to recruit kids who want to play in a facility like the Georgia Dome. Being an alumnus I might now have a reason not to say "fuck off" when the boosters call my cell phone asking for donations. And just a head's up Georgia State officials, if you want a good showing for football games sell beer at the Dome. Beer is liquid gold for college students.
-You wonder why I don't like Bobby Petrino so much? Well now he kicked off a Fairchild off his team. Okay, so Freddie isn't related to me because he has a year round dark tan unlike myself and because the guy beats his women apparently. Also throw in the fact he has athletic ability and decided to attend that hell hole in Fayetteville and...well shit, we aren't related at all. It's a big loss for the Razorbacks though as Fairchild was a starting linebacker who many projected to be All-SEC this year. Call them Hogs Bobby...
I'm sorry people, like most of you I'm tired of this whole NBA Finals bullshit but there is really nothing else interesting to talk about. Sure Griffey hit his 600th but it was in fucking Miami with less than 16,000 in attendance. There was no drama and we all knew Junior was going to hit it sooner than later. I'm not even sure what the point of this post is other than a ramble about nothing really. College football needs to get here fast so this blog can be filled with shits and giggles and articles that I actually enjoy writing.
My mind is so scattered with garbage right now I have actually rationalized that Kobe would be a cool guy to hang around with. I can only imagine what his leftover scraps would be like on the road. The guy probably has a rolodex filled with cheerleaders and young white girls only Bill Clinton could rival. I promise to start writing some decent stuff soon. A bottle of Tanquerey might be the answer but who really knows.
Sick bastard was all over the Celtics last night...
Jack Nicholson can now do blow off his 23 year old girlfriend's ass with the comfort of knowing the NBA will fix games in favor of a 7 game series. It's ratings magic and David Stern knows he needs to milk these Finals as much as he can till the teet is dry.
We got a couple of new shirts on the store page that are marinating and ready to be cooked and eaten by you, the almighty Sportscrack Tee consumer.
Both of our new shirts have a SEC flavor to them. So in essence they will tell you how great their conference is while destroying the Big Ten in a bowl game.
First is our FUGA shirt in honor of all the people who simply don't like the Dawgs...
Second is our Ole Piss shirt which brings back memories of my college days of drinking 30 packs of Busch Light...
Love them, caress them, tailgate in them, get in fights with them, do whatever you want with them but remember the only place you can get one is by clicking on this link.
Joey Harrington's career in the NFL has been one completely void of highlights ever since he got drafted by the Detroit Lions. Currently the Atlanta Falcon's backup QB, Harrington, who also happens to be the cousin of PGA Golfer Padraig Harrington, gets to spend plenty of time on the golf course smacking the ball around like defenders hit him while he wilts in the pocket.
Finally Joey Heisman has found his calling. Golf. It's amazing how one can become so good at a sport that involves as much mental preparation as golf does and no one identifies Joey as a well prepared QB. Now don't be surprised if Arthur Blank signs him to a long term deal upon hearing this news.
I agree with the Zen Master in it is "ridiculous" how some dude named Pow or Powe got as many free throws as the whole Lakers team. But you can't hide the fact that the Lakers played like shit for most of the game and should have stopped worrying about the officiating and focused on getting the ball in the hoop.
Yes, the officiating was horrible but the great teams overcome these things. Now that the series will be in LA expect plenty of home town calls for the Lakers. So no more bitching Gasol or Kobe or anybody else wearing the purple and gold. Play some fucking basketball and let's make this a series.
At 1-4 odds you would think Big Brown would at least place but no, the stupid horse finished last as millions lost money on the Big Shit. I don't get it, the horse dominated the Derby and Preakness yet couldn't muster enough to go an extra quarter of a mile and complete the Triple Crown. Luckily I didn't place any money on the horse because well, I don't really have any money. It's amazing what years of chemical dependency will do to your wallet and your social life. Anyways, the point of this post is to hate on the Belmont Stakes and Big Brown. The Belmont blows balls as a horse race because they have no infield. How can you not have an infield?
Big Brown will now go live a life as not a choke artist but as a stud whose owners will get paid millions for his offspring baby batter. Good for him. Is it sad to be jealous of a horse?
Umm, yeah, let's not do that again, okay NBA? My dogs barked, not because they saw a half black man, shit who wouldn't bark at that, but because they were so petrified to see old balls Magic Johnson and Larry Bird talking to them. Oh I get it, they are still playing basketball and this is relative to the 2008 NBA Finals.
Holy boner Batman! It looks like director Chris Nolan did what only he could do and give me a solid chub just by watching a preview of the new Batman flick. The Dark Knight looks simply amazing and I am not afraid to confess my love for it especially after learning this will be on IMAX this summer....
And yes, I know this has nothing to do with sports but you don't find great previews like this every day.
Not surprising after seeing him drive at Berkeley with those fucking hippies on his back...
In all seriousness as we are usually not here at Sportscrack, Lynch supposedly hit some lady crossing a street with his Porsche Cayenne in suburban Buffalo on Saturday and then left the scene. Most people call it a hit-and-run but Marshawn was too high or drunk at the time to care so I would just call it happy time. No need to come down on a man when he is having his fun. By the way when did women get the right to cross the road anyways without getting permission from a man? I really don't even know what this world is coming to, next thing you are going to tell me is they have the right to vote.
The Daily Dump is SportsCrack's review of the day before today while sitting on the porcelain throne, sometimes painful, sometimes oh so sweet...
NBA -Paul Pierce either took a magical healing pill or was pulling a Kaiser Soze but whatever, it doesn't matter in the scheme of things as he helped the Celtics beat the Lakers in The Garden to take a 1-0 series lead. Kobe Bryant must have heard the "No means No" chants because clearly his game was off all night, finishing a 9 for 26 from the field. If the Lakers are going to win this series which I thought they would they can't afford to have off nights from Kobe.
Kevin Garnett put an exclamation point down late in the fourth quarter with this rim shaker...
MLB -Chipper Jones hit his 400th career bomband received a curtain call with the chants of "Chipper, Chipper" last night as the Braves came from behind to beat the Florida Marlins 7-5. Now batting a ridiculous .418, Chipper is making a serious case to be considered as one of the top 3B of all-time with Brooksie, Schmidty, and George Brett. The Braves will welcome in the Phillies tonight in very important 3 game series which will help decide who is the best team in the National League East.
-Manny Ramirez had 5 RBI's and a scuffle with teammate Kevin Youkilis in the dugout, but the real story was the bench clearing brawl. Started by Coco Crisp who for some reason decided to charge the mound on Tampa Bay pitcher James Shields who is obviously a bigger, stronger, and overall way better fighter than Coco. Just kidding, baseball players can't fight worth a shit, it's not in their DNA to land punches. Crisp got his ass kicked in the dog pile and will face at least a 4 game suspension along with Johnny Gomes from the Rays but hey, at least the Red Sox won right? Here is the fight in case you wanted to see punches not being landed...
Video HT: Barstool Sports I'm still trying to figure out why Manny and Youk got in a fight in the dugout. Manny must have stolen some of Youk's diggity dank but I have yet to get a solid confirmation or source.
-Cole Hamels shut out the Reds on a 3 hitter as the Phillies won for the 9th time in 11 games. Jay Bruce was held without a hit for the second consecutive game and Ken Griffey Jr. still remains at 599 career homeruns as the Reds continue to not win, a running theme for them the past decade or so.
NHL -The ratings for the Stanley Cup Finals were up to pre-lockout numbers as the NHL can finally rejoice because Americans show they actually do care about hockey. I'm not going to beat around the bush, the NHL is my favorite sport besides college football to watch in person. But watching it on television is difficult at times because the puck moves so fast and the NHL gets no pub from ESPN because they dropped them after the lockout. Hopefully for the sake of the game this gets the ball moving in the right direction and ESPN picks the NHL back up. I don't want to watch the fucking Spelling Bee or hear about the WNBA or care about Arena League Football. Give me some damn hockey ESPN!
NFL -D-Mac got paid big time with a 6 year, $60 million dollar contract from the Oakland Raiders. With the money he will now be able to feed all of his kids whom he thinks might be his kids when in fact he should just severe ties with the whole state of Arkansas. Don't let Arkansas bring you down D-Mac like they did for Bill Clinton.
-Some convicted steroid dealer named David Jacobs who gave up the names to a ton of NFL players to the NFL commissioner's office was found dead from gunshots yesterday in his Plano, Texas home. The moral of the story is never snitch or you will probably die kids. Now go have fun on those monkey bars in prison.
COLLEGE FOOTBALL -Do you smell what the Irish are cooking? Notre Dame picked up two big commitments in LB Dan Fox and OG Alex Bullard. More on this later as I wipe my mouth after going down on Charlie Weis for some how getting top notch recruits coming off a 3-9 season.
And yes, as Tim Beckham's facebook picture above clearly or kind of unclearly shows, the kid is going to get paid big-time. A five-tool shortstop out of Griffin HS in Georgia, Beckham has been compared to the Upton brothers but with the ability to stay at shortstop for the long term. My hope was the Rays would take Florida State catcher Buster Posey with the #1 pick but Posey's camp supposedly demanded a $12 million dollar signing bonus which is absolutely crazy. Of course the Rays were turned off especially when a high baseball draft pick has as much if not better chance of being a complete bust. The reason I wanted the Rays not to take Beckham was because I had my fingers crossed he would last till the Orioles picked 4th because the O's need middle infield prospects in their system badly.
All this is moot and the Rays just picked up another excellent player in Beckham in what should be an extremely bright future for the organization with all the young talent currently playing on the big league level and tons waiting in the wings in the minors including last year's #1 pick in David Price. By the way Price has yet to give up a run so far in 3 starts in the minors.
The Red Wings closed out the Penguins last night despite a frantic final two minutes in which Pittsburgh gave the better team all it had. Clearly this year the Red Wings were the best team in the NHL so congratulations go out to their organization for winning their 11th Stanley Cup. Don't feel bad for the Penguins. They are really young and talented and more than likely could be hoisting Lord Stanley's Cup next year if they resign Marian Hossa. When you have players like Crosby, Malkin, Staal, and Fleury just to name a few you will get so sympathy from this Thrashers fan.
So what would you do with the Cup say if you had it for a day like Conn Smythe MVP Henrik Zetterberg? Personally I would drink some kind of booze out of it then probably dress it up in some sexy lingerie and make love to it then videotape it and sell it to the world and make millions of dollars. Sounds a lot like Jessica Simpson's dad right?
Here is the presentation folks of the greatest team trophy in all of sports...
And thank you goes out to the NHL and NBC for letting us bloggers put highlights of the final two minutes on the web without fear of them yanking because of some bullshit copyright issue. MLB and NFL won't let you even sniff their panties without yelling rape.
Does this shirt really need any explanation? If you have ever run into an orange, checker wearing toolbag who happens to be cross eyed then you know what it's like to play behind center during Saturdays in the fall in Knoxville. Show your distaste for this SEC rival by purchasing this one of a kind Sportscrack shirt by clicking here.
This is the third new shirt we have introduced this week with two more new editions coming up. Be sure to check back on our store page for great shirts at great prices.
My Bellsouth Internet service has been taking a 6 hour break, otherwise known as a stoner's break. Fortunately nobody has died yet but if they don't fix it soon it could get ugly, I'm talking Matamoros bike crash ugly.
Right now I'm just feeling a little ticked off but I'm about to go Boondock Saints style on this service...
Sticking with our plan to release a new shirt per day this week we are proud to introduce the TARHOLES shirt. This shirt is perfect for any gameday, tailgate, party, bar, fraternity or sorority, family gathering, gag gift...hell, the possibilities are endless. You will get an endless amount of laughs wearing this shirt as you show Chapel Hill and the UNC crew what you think about their precious Carolina blue.
Chances are you will get laid with it on too. The force is strong with this shirt and it is bound to create conversations that will eventually lead to you getting a promotion on the way to ruling the world while getting chuckles from friends and strangers.
I'm not going to lie to you, I'm going to the Notre Dame-UNC Tarholes football game in Chapel Hill this upcoming fall and I can guarantee you I will be wearing it while tailgating and visiting their bookstore.
You can purchase the shirt by clicking on this link. The shirt is $17 but the response it will receive upon viewing is priceless. Go ahead and show your true colors with this Tarholes shirt straight from Sportscrack.com.
Clearly one of the best linebackers in the NFL is not on steroids because he is making an appearance on the WWE and none of those guys juice. Fast forward to the 3:40 mark to see the San Diego Chargers linebacker cane one of the wrestlers...
Now that is clearly some good family entertainment.
The Daily Dump is SportsCrack's review of the day before today while sitting on the porcelain throne, sometimes painful, sometimes oh so sweet...
NHL -Don't ask me why but somehow the Pittsburgh Penguins got their asses dominated last night yet still won in triple overtime against the Detroit Red Wings to force a game 6 and send the crowd into a raging riot. Okay the riot never happened and the reason why the Penguins won was because goaltender Marc Andre Fleury had solid velcro in his glove last night. 55 saves the young goaltender turned in last night while Detroit punished and battered the Penguins all night yet still lost the game. The Detroit fans were chanting "We want the Cup!" but Fleury and Petr Sykora whom scored the winning goal decided they would have to settle for the 2 Girls 1 Cup version later on...
MLB -Chase Utley hit his 21st homerun as the Phillies held off the Reds 5-4 despite Jay Bruce Almighty connecting for his 3rd homerun. Utley now has a homer in 5 straight games and is looking like the early favorite to extend the Phillies streak of MVP awards to 3.
-John Smoltz returned from the DL to blow a save in the ninth against the Marlins but SS Yunel Escobar saved Smoltzie's ass by hitting a walk-off 2 run shot in the botton of the tenth. The Braves so far this season are Superman at home despite playing like little bitches on the road. That was a direct quote from Tim Hudson by the way.
-Carlos crazy fucker Zambrano won his 8th game of the season despite giving up 3 runs in the first because he let his bat do the talking. The crazy asshole had a triple along with 2 other hits and Jim Edmonds collected a couple of doubles and RBI's. I guess old man Edmonds still has it in him.
-David Ortiz was put on the DL with a partially torn sheath in his left wrist. I have no idea what a sheath is but it is probably connected to his Oger vaginal wall which doesn't allow him to fellate and probe Manny Ramirez as he wishes. I'm conflicted by this injury because I really like Big Papi but I hate all things Red Sox but I also have money on the Sox winning the World Series this year. Not to going to lie, money wins out on this one. I hope he comes back healthy.
NBA -The Finals start in 2 days between 2 teams I have never heard of so we got that going. Oh, the Pistons fired Flip Saunders because of his horrible regular season record of 176-70 with the Pistons and his inability to spoon feed that dipshit with the white circle on top of his head. If you ask me they should have got rid of Rasheed Wallace and not Saunders. Wallace needs a pacifier to quit his crying and his great timing of technicals which screw the Pistons at the most opportune time.
NFL
-The Denver Broncos released super potent sperm producer Travis Henry so he could embark on his life long dream of sperminating women across the entire 50 states during his playing career. The Broncos questioned his commitment to them while impregnating random women across the nation.
-Terrell Owens signed a contract with the Dallas Cowboys that makes him one of the richest wideouts in the league. The new contract should allow Owen's to pursue his dreams of sit ups in his driveway while fashioning a new set of skin tight body suits to be used during contract negotiations called "Le Baby Owens."
-In the redundancy department Odell Thurman got caught again in violation of the league's substance abuse program and will more than likely never play in the NFL again until the Cowboys or Raiders sign him. He faces an "indefinite suspension" which translates to at least a quarter of the season in NFL terms.
If you ever seem to wonder why I have a general dislike, or shall I say hate for pretty much every single human being who supports the Red Sox and the Yankees, well then watch these videos.
Anybody this chipper and annoying should just be killed or persecuted like the Tibetans...Wo Led Rox!...
Hmm, how about converting her to death by throwing her off the damn wall. I've heard she is the reigning Miss Red Sox winner because she can actually see her belly button and has a full, lice infested set of hair on top of her annoying head. This is very rare to find in Red Sox Nation.
It seems that even the cops in New York just love to break up any possible drunken doucheness debauchery going on at Yankee Stadium by of course ripping off a visiting team's fan hat and throwing it into the crowd. Although it was a Red Sox fan so I can't half blame the officer...
The fan was later torn to pieces and buried under the new Yankee Stadium as a barbaric art of sacrifice for the Johnny Damon curse.
And of course the Red Sox fans had to let Baltimore know this weekend how much they love Manny being Manny after hitting his 500th homerun by doing drunk flips off the dugout at Camden Yards. God, I really hate these Massholes. Win a couple of World Series in 88 years and all of a sudden you think you are God's gift to baseball...
I could seriously kill them all. Literally and not figuratively in case you were wondering.
When you hit a walk-off homerun and manage to hit above .500 in your first week in the Show while helping the Cincinnati Reds win 5 of 6 then you deserve some recognition. Jay Bruce is the Almighty and so we have decided to make a shirt to honor the young rookie out of Texas who is living up to his incredible hype of being the top rated prospect in the minors.
If you are a Reds or Bruce fan this is the perfect t-shirt to you!
The shirt is available now for $17 at BRUCE ALMIGHTY SHIRT and as always a portion of all our shirts sales goes to the American Cancer Society.
And oh yeah, you know you have made it big when Ryan Parker has made a song for you already...
Fucking loudmouth chowderheads go down quickly when drunk. Hopefully this becomes a time honored tradition where some douchebag Red Sox wannabe fan get leveled by security as soon as they say "Wicked" or "Pissah" or whatever retard language they use while pawking their caw.
I know, like all the men out there who decided to stop using their penis a long time ago I am soooo super excited about Sex and the City coming out. Seriously, if you go to this movie and have a functional penis please just kill yourself because I already hate you.
And yes, I would soooo be Samantha because I love to have angry sex with men half my age.
"Honestly it's a shame that I've got to go out and hit .400 for two months to make an All-Star team," Jones said. "It's kind of depressing to me because I've had — to me — what I think are some pretty good first halves, what I think is a pretty good career, and I haven't made an All-Star team since '01. ... But I'll take it. Got to make a splash to get people's attention? Got to make a splash."
Dude, stop being such a fucking meathead and appreciate the recognition you are receiving this year. Sure you are one of the most underrated players in the past 20 years but some of that has to do with your ability to stay injured for periods of time. Listen Chipper, I want to really like you but when you say shit like this it makes you look like a spoiled athlete who doesn't appreciate the greater things in life. Like knocking up random Hooters waitresses.
-Albert Pujols wants his recognition too! Only he lets his bat do the talking while playing through injuries as he proved yesterday with his 13th HR in leading the surprising Cardinals to a 3-2 win over the Astros. King Albert is top 10 in almost every single important offensive category except illegitimate kids. Chipper clearly is leading.
-Rays closer Troy Percival was put on the DL for a sore hamstring (translation: pussy) and will surely cost Fantasy geeks points while he lets his swollen vagina heal. Dan Wheeler appears to be a candidate to replace him as closer along with 3 other guys I have never heard of or want to speak of. The Rays are still in first place by the way with an average attendance less than 15,000 watching this home games in the Tropicana. I guess the Florida trailer trash have not caught Ray's fever yet.
NBA -So you have the game in hand, all you have to do is run off the clock by holding on to the ball but the spread is 7.5 points and you are only winning by 5. What do you do? Apparently if you are Lakers forward Sasha Vujacic you shoot the god damn ball unless you want to be missing one of your fingers as Awful Announcing points out...
How dare Doug Collins question Vujacic for shooting the ball! Being a degenerate gambler on a regular basis I feel for Vujacic. And yes, I would give him a handshake full of Benjamins right now if I could. Vegas baby, Vegas!
NFL -Okay Bears fans, you can stop holding your breath now. Brian Urlacher plans to attend the Bears minicamp today. There was thought he might hold out of mandatory football activities with the team because he wanted to renegotiate his contract but then he realized he already signed one in 2003 for $57 million for nine years. Funny how those things just work themselves out.
NHL -Vancouver Canucks rookie defenseman Luc Bourdon died yesterday after he crashed his motorcycle into a tractor trailer near his hometown in Shippagan, New Brunswick. Sportscrack sends our deepest sympathy and prayers out to the Bourdon family and the Canucks organization. 21 years old is way too young to die.
COLLEGE FOOTBALL -SEC coaches voted 9-3 to approve an early signing period for recruits. Of course Urban Meyer doesn't approve because he loves to poach other team's recruits. I like the idea of an early signing period and hope the NCAA will approve it. Too many times kids and their parents are getting paid or given gifts to switch commitments. This way they can just get their money and gifts before Christmas. Remember, it's all about the kids.
If you love beer, wings, rock n rock then I have the perfect festival for you this weekend in Marietta, GA. It's called the River Wing N' Rock Fest sponsored by Gas South and it's at the Marietta Square and it's completely FREE. Expect plenty of babes, brews, sun, killer music, great chicken wings from the finest Atlanta restaurants and of course the finest Sportscrack and Drink Like A Champion Today shirts at the huge Festival.
Yes, we will be representing ourselves at this wonderful festival.
Feel free to get drunk and fat with us this Saturday, May 31st or spread the word as we kick off the summer with a bang at the 3rd Annual Wing N' Rock Festival at Marietta Square.
And just to make this completely clear it is a FREE event and there will be plenty of cold beer with great wings. If you don't come you might as well hand your panties to your significant other because there really is no reason for you to walk this planet.
SI writer Albert Chen has an excellent article detailing the struggles Texas Rangers outfielder Josh Hamilton has gone through in his past with drugs and alcohol to reach the Triple Crown threat he is presently in the major leagues. I've said it before but after you learn the whole story behind Hamilton and his constant battle to stay sober and clean it is nearly impossible not to root for the kid. He can rake with the best of them and it's great to see someone else in the Majors beat crack other than Otis Nixon. Sorry, I had to get that little jab in there on my man Otis. Read the story if you get the chance and if the Texas Rangers ever visit a park near you make sure you buy a ticket just to watch Hamilton take batting practice and interact with the fans. Everyone should have a soft spot for a guy trying to redeem himself.
The Daily Dump is SportsCrack's review of the day before today while sitting on the porcelain throne, sometimes painful, sometimes oh so sweet...
MLB -Erik Bedard showed his ace stuff last night shutting out the Red Sox for seven innings before Brandon Morrow(future stud closer) came into the 8th and blew 100 mph fastballs past Dustin Pedroia. I actually caught the last few innings and was blown away, literally, how nasty Morrow is out of their pen. He should be their closer over J. J. Putz. His curveball is filthy and his fastball is electric. Who knew a 1-0 game could be this exciting?
-The Braves lost outfielder Matt Diaz to a partial tear to a knee ligament which will leave him sidelined for at least 4 weeks. The Braves activated Rafael Soriano, presumably the closer now, to fill in Diaz spot on the roster. The Brewers beat the Braves 1-0 in what seemed like an extremely boring game opposite of the Red Sox-Mariners game.
-Ken Rosenthal of Fox Sports has some interesting trade scenarios for impending free agent pitcher C. C. Sabathia. He thinks the Indians need a slugger in their lineup because they can't score worth a shit this year and recommends either Adam Dunn, Mark Teixeira, Pat Burrell, or Bobby Abreu as possible trade bait for Sabathia because all of them are free agents too. The Braves wouldn't trade Teixeira for Sabathia because he provides Chipper with great protection and it isn't a coincidence that he has been having the best stretch of his career since they put him in front of Tex. I could see the Burrell trade working but the Phillies would have to add some sweetener (prospect) to the deal because Burrell straight up isn't worth a Sabathia. The Indians wouldn't trade with the Yankees for obvious reasons and I'm not sure the Reds have the balls to trade Adam Dunn yet.
NBA -The Celtics beat the Pistons to go up in the series 3-2. Ray Allen finally woke up from his slump and scored 29 points to help protect Boston's homecourt. The series switches to Detroit tomorrow night. Expect at least 8 deaths in Motown before tipoff.
NHL -There you go Penguins! Sidney Crosby scored two goals and Marian Hossa put away his tampon and added two assists as the Penguins beat the Red Wings 3-2 in Game 3. Now that the Penguins got some pucks past Chris Osgood it should give them a boost of confidence and perhaps make this Finals interesting. We will see.
Doug Collins. Seriously? Bulls GM John Paxson and chairman Jerry Reinsdorf both think he can help teach the young guys how to play smart basketball and get them back to the playoffs winning championships. I think he took the job because they won the #1 pick and got tired of telling us on TNT about "Me and Michael" Jordan and how they could have done this and that.
Dan Quinn, a former linebacker/crazy person at Notre Dame during the Lou Holtz era apparently has an ax to grind. He let us know that not only did Holtz and others eff him over on his potentially great career as a pile jumper but that he has a great invention called soap water that make you delusional and psychotic all at the same time.
Actually, I had tried some of the soap water last year. It had a label on it: "ND Football 2007." I wouldn't recommend trying it again.
Dan apparently took way too many hits to the head and I'm not sure what he means by going face to face with Frank Stams in the shower. Sounds a little homo erotic there Danny! To fill you in Quinn got suspended from Notre Dame during his days of riding the pine when he was accused of sexual assault and tested positive for steroids. He later went on to sue the University and you can find a ton of his quotes in the book Tarnished Dome which incorrectly details Notre Dame football during the late 80's.
In essence he epitomizes winner in every sarcastic sense of the definition.
No one in the States would let the singer throw out the first pitch in their ballpark unless she performed The National Anthem. Thus we get the great first pitch she delivers in Japan. She has an arm that rivals Juan Pierre.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall's Kristen Bell needs her some Chris Osgood.
-Some guy named Rick Sund is the new GM for the Atlanta Hawks. Exciting news here in Atlanta as this is sure to boost ticket sales through the roof. I'm sure Hawks fans will jump for joy once they hear about the former Seattle Sonics GM whom was fired for a shitty job performance which included leading the Sonics to the dungeon of the NBA is now their new GM. See, sex dungeons are cool and hip. The NBA cellar dungeon not so much. The Hawks will never learn.
"It was like $2,000. That's it," Rose said in the interview. "And it didn't change -- because I know you're going to say, Well betting's all about pitching and stuff like that -- I didn't care who was pitching for me or who was pitching for the opposition. I just made it easy for the guys making the bets and just bet this much every game and that's the way we did it."
Will Rose just go away already. He has been banned from the game since 1989 and nothing he confesses now will change. Face it Pete, you are an asshole who will never get in the Hall of Fame. Say it to yourself ten straight times, or better yet write it down so it registers and start doing new things outside of trying to persuade people you are not an asshole.
-Trev Alberts thinks Notre Dame football is going to return to...oh fuck...don't say it...okay...glory(sigh) this season because Charlie Weis isn't an idiot and the Fighting Irish finally have some talent with experience.
Um, how about I go out on a limb and say Notre Dame wins a minimum of 9 games this season. Can I get Sprint to videotape me while sitting on my roof overlooking Atlanta? And yes, ND will win 9 games and be back in a significant bowl so everyone else in the country can be pissed because ND sells out and their favorite college team doesn't.
-Young starlet Kristen Bell wants to lick Detroit Red Wings goaltender Chris Osgood from head to toe while sipping Fruity Pebbles from his baby arm. Good for her. Actually, great for Chris Osgood! It's just a matter of time before Osgood dumps his wife faster than Lance Armstrong dumped Sheryl Crow once he found out she had cancer. To each it's own.
-Tennis player Ashley Hawkmyload is going to pose for Playboy. No reason for us to buy a Playboy since the internet gives us free access to these things but I'm sure some lonely tennis fan is stringing his racquet while fiddling with his mustache while crying to himself "Now I can know what lies underneath it all Ashley!" Yep, tennis fans are sick and demented only because Bud Collins scares the shit out of me. Fucking clown pants and his sweaty bald head!
Ahhh, the good old days when you could punch somebody for taking your juice box and not worry about going to jail for it. I actually chuckled when I saw this clip because I was involved with a similar incident when I was about 12 years old playing little league baseball. We were slapping hands with the other team after the game and then next thing you know some little asshat on the other team shoves some panties into my teammate buddy's face. Well, needless to say it set me off pretty good and I pummeled the kid after I tackled him to the ground. Of course I got suspended for a couple of games but I will never forget the expression on the kid's face when I beat the shit out of him. Priceless. Damn, I really miss Little League. And to come to think of it I never fully understood why the kid shoved some panties into someone else's face. It must have been a gay ritual or something absolutely bizarre in which my childish mind could never comprehend in my Nintendo playing years.
True story by the way. Somewhere some idiot parent is watching this and reasoning with themselves to bring a gun to a Little League game just in case something like this happens to their child. The name of the parent is Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue by the way.
See, soccer is such a beautiful game until you look at it up close and see it will never be taken seriously here in the States till they get rid of bad teeth and offsides. And seriously, who the fuck eats at Burger King anymore? I don't think I've even touched something from Butt King in at least 5 years.
The Daily Dump is SportsCrack's review of the day before today while sitting on the porcelain throne, sometimes painful, sometimes oh so sweet...
MLB -"Jay Bruce is a god." "Finally, a savior for the Reds." "He is the greatest player to play in the last 50 years." These were all heard last night in Cincy as Bruce Almighty had a perfect major league debut going 3-3 with 2 walks, a stolen base, and a couple of RBI's. Throw in a few standing ovations for the rookie before his first MLB hit and you could see the makings of a legend as soon as he stepped onto the field.
"It's so much the same as the minors," said Bruce, who was batting .364 in Triple-A. "They've just got bigger stands, more fans and better uniforms."
But Bruce forgot to mention the much better looking women with the huge breasts. Rookie mistake. He will learn.
-Hawk-ing one up eh? You have to love the drama that is created by the New York press. In one of the most entertaining games of the season, the Orioles and Yankees combined for 9 home runs while the O's twice came back from 4 run deficits to tie the game and eventually won it in the 11th with a walk-off single from pinch hitter Alex Cintron. Kevin MIIILLLLAAAARRRR!!! hit two bombs into the left centerfield stands and Brian Roberts made a spectacular stab of an Alex Rodriguez liner with the bases loaded to start a huge double play. Yankees starter Ian Kennedy was again horrible with his location and is now on the disabled list because in all honesty he doesn't deserve to play in the majors yet. He blows actually. The Yankees will try to salvage a game in the series as the notorious Orioles killer Andy Pettitte takes the hill tonight against Jeremy Guthrie.
-Josh Hamilton for MVP?The recovering heroin addict hit a grand slam and finished the night with 5 RBI's to give himself a major league leading 58 RBI's, 12 more than anybody else in both leagues in helping the surprising Texas Rangers to a 12-6 win over the Tampa Bay Rays. Right now I would have to say the 27 year old is by far the leading MVP candidate as he is on a pace to drive in 176 runs despite playing with a heavily taped left thumb that would cause considerable discomfort to most players. Hamilton isn't most players. He is the type of player everyone with a heart should root for because of his ability to beat the demons inside his head and kick aside a life threatening drug habit. And just a reminder that Hamilton was traded during the offseason for Cy Young candidate Edinson Volquez to make room for Jay Bruce. Strange how things work out for both the clubs and the players.
-Ervin Santana bounced back from consecutive losses to throw a complete game 3 hitter against the Detroit Tigers in a 3-2 win. The pitching duel between Santana and Jeremy Bonderman was a good one and the Tigers squandered a 2 run lead in the eighth inning with a wild pitch to Vladimir Guerrero and an RBI single by Garrett Anderson tying the game. Gary Matthews completed the comeback win with a RBI single with two outs in the 9th. Things have only gotten worse in Detroit as Gary Sheffield was put on the DL with a strained oblique and Carlos Guillen is now playing DH after a switch from 3B because of a horrible case of hemorrhoids. I shit you not.
NBA You make the call...
Video HT: AwfulAnnouncing If you thought NBA ref Joey Crawford made the right call by not making one you are either a Lakers fan or had money riding on them. On the other hand if you think the no foul call was bullshit you are more than likely rooting for the Spurs. I thought there was a foul by Derek Fischer on Brent Barry on the play but Barry didn't sell it. See, in today's NBA game you have to flop or act like you are being castrated in order to draw a foul. Barry the veteran should have known this. The Lakers are now up 3-1 in the series as they go back to Los Angeles. The NBA will get it's wish as the Lakers will advance to the NBA Finals with a game 5 victory. Mark it down. And hopefully somebody castrates Ginobli, Duncan, and Parker. Actually Parker has already been since he married that stupid attention whore. I can't remember her name but I think she plays thirdbase for the Rays.
NFL -As far as I know nobody got arrested or killed by an NFL player. All in all a message Commissioner Roger Goodell approves of while stroking his feline while counting his millions...
NHL -The Red Wings traveled to Pittsburgh yesterday while waiting to destroy the Penguins tonight in Mellon Arena in Game 3 of the Stanley Cup Finals on NBC. I really have nothing else to say except Malkin and Hossa need to get their heads out of their asses and live up to their All-Star playing ability. Fuckers! This of course has nothing to do with me betting on the Penguins to win the damn series. Assholes!
COLLEGE FOOTBALL -Tony Barnhart points out that Alabama coach Nick Saban is still pissed off about "the Nick Saban rule." The rule was created by the NCAA to keep head coaches off the road in May to do recruiting evaluations because Saban was supposedly breaking some rule.
“I understand why they did it,” Saban said. “It was because everybody was paranoid about what everybody else is doing. I got turned in all kind of times because I was supposedly doing this and that and I wasn’t doing it. I was just watching practice and evaluating players, which is part of our job.”
College footall is all about paranoia. We live for it. Everybody else is cheating except our favorite college team. These are things we rationalize in our heads everyday as we stalk our favorite players on MySpace and Facebook. Deal with it Saban!
