SORRY DUKE YOU LOSE!

Jon Scheyer had about as much chance of blocking Maryland PF freshman Jordan Williams on the break as he does of winning the ACC Player of the Year after Maryland won 79-72. With the win Maryland PG Greivis Vasquez clinched the ACC POY award and also the Terps are now tied with Duke for the ACC lead at 12-3 with both teams having one game left before the ACC tourney. The Comcast Center was electric last night on Senior Night as Vasquez went out in style with this incredible shot with the game on the line...


Vasquez will go down as one of the all-time greats in Terps history with Juan Dixon (in attendance), Len Bias, Steve Francis, Joe Smith, and Len Elmore. His #21 jersey should be retired and hung in the rafters. The Venezuelan product is practically a cult hero in College Park and he has a legit shot of leading Maryland to the Elite 8 if not further.

The loss by Duke probably costs them a #1 seed unless they can win the ACC Tourney next week. Right now you have to pencil in Syracuse, Kentucky, and Kansas as sure fire #1 seeds. Personally I think Kansas and Kentucky are heads and shoulders better than anybody else in the country when they are playing up to their capabilities. As a Maryland fan I would love to see the Terps challenge for another Final Four but as a realist there is no denying they would probably get crushed by KU and UK.

BASEBALL FREE AGENTS PSA

12 Angry Mascots has this stirring and very emotionally charged PSA on neglected baseball free agents still looking for a paycheck near you. With spring training underway (Orioles Josh Bell and Nick Markakis have both hit bombs today...hell yeah!) we can often forget about the older players whom are no longer wanted or neglected by GMs all over this great nation. It's up to you and I to make sure these players can survive without making millions of dollars for the first time in years, sometimes decades, to play a game we love so much. I beg of you to think of all the Nomars out there who can no longer do steroids freely without prejudice and now must live a life full of joints, tendons, and hamstrings crumbling as their baseball skills deteriorate with age. It's a shame. Give today.

TAYLOR MAYS IS VERY FAST...BUT HE STILL SUCKS

USC Safety Taylor Mays ran an official 4.43 forty today at the NFL combine which as you may know is extremely fast. In fact it's the 10th fastest time this year at the NFL combine and it's only a tenth of a second behind Golden Tate. And yet some cheesedick GM will draft Mays ahead of Golden in the first round come April despite the fact that Tate has completely owned him. Well at least we know Mays will be taking a pay cut in the NFL now that his USC days are over. Poor kid.

BRAZIL BANS PARIS HILTON BEER COMMERCIAL

According to the Associated Press this Devassa Beer commercial has been pulled from Brazil...

A sultry beer ad featuring the socialite has been pulled after consumer complaints and a watchdog agency's investigation.
An ad watchdog group, Conar, asked last week that the ad be removed, noting that regulations don't permit a beer commercial to treat women as overtly sensual objects. Brazil's Secretariat for Women's Affairs also said it had received complaints about the ad.

Holy shit! I thought America was a bunch of bitches when it came to risque advertisements getting banned but we can't even compete with Brazil in terms of all out vaginitis. Correct me if I'm wrong but this Paris Hilton commercial seems pretty tame right? I mean it's not like we can see her roast beef hanging out or anything. It's got to be something else. Maybe the Brazilians who are known for their curvy women just hate Paris because she is a disgusting whore tooth pick with blonde hair. Because if this is too sensual for Brazil then I don't ever want to visit their shithole destination filled with tropical beaches full of Reef Girls frolicking around looking for American dick to latch on. No sir. You lost a customer today Brazil.

CANADA HOCKEY WINS GOLD

Great game yesterday as Team Canada survived in OT to beat Team USA 3-2 in what was the pinnacle of a great Winter Olympics. Sure Canada won the last gold medal but overall we had the most medals with 37...a whooping 11 more than America's Hat. It feels good to beat down them down in their own country. I'm about 100% positive Obama made an executive decision to let Canada win in their most cherished sport in hockey. It's all those people got up there besides igloos, polar bears, Celine Dion, and socialized health care.

JASON KIDD MAKES MIKE WOODSON LOOK LIKE THE IDIOT WE ALL KNOW HE CAN BE

If you want to talk about how to play smart basketball then go no further than this Jason "Smack my bitch up" Kidd highlight from Friday night. Kidd not only had a remarkable triple-double with 19 points, 16 boards and 17 assists against the Hawks but he also made a heads up play late in the fourth quarter by taking advantage of the Atlanta Hawks main weakness: head coach Mike Woodson. Woodson must have thought he was Pete Carroll roaming the sidelines with the amount of slack the refs were giving him in terms of calls and on-field interference. Instead of ignoring Woodson's dumbass Kidd merely stuck out an arm while running into Woodson while he was out on the court. As you may know the coaches aren't allowed to be on the court while the game is being played thus Woodson drew the technical foul. In the fourth period. Cost them a point and possession late. Brilliant.

The Mavs eventually won in overtime 111-103 and proved to the rest of the world that Woodson may be the one person who can beat the Hawks come playoff time. Woodson of course looked like a complete jackass by arguing the call and yelling at Kidd. Players need to do this more often. Last year I couldn't help but notice how often Pete Carroll was literally 5-15 yards on the field during plays while yelling at the players and refs. My hope was Charlie Weis would notice this and call a play in his direction in order to take him out. Never happened but then again we know why Charlie didn't last past year 5 in his head coaching experience. I would have loved to see Pete The Cheat taken out by Golden on an out pattern.

ADAM BAZOOKA JONES SHIRT

Adam Jones is one of the upcoming young superstars in the game and deserves his own shirt. Coming off his first Gold Glove and All-Star appearance, the speedy Jones is known for blowing bubbles with his gum while snagging a fly or hitting a bomb into the bleachers. This is how he got his nickname of Bazooka Jones. Now you can wear the one and only Bazooka Jones 10 shirt for the low price of $17 from SportsCrack Tees.

CHUCK LIDDELL WORKS OUT IN THE NUDE

I agree it seems extremely gay to post a video here of MMA fighter Chuck Liddell butt naked working out but what saves this video is his girlfriend Heidi Northcott doing the same exact thing. So yeah, it's not all too bad to stare at right fellas?

Man card is safe for now.

Video HT: The Big Lead

MIKE MILBURY CALLS THE RUSSIANS "EUROTRASH"

NBC Announcer Mike Milbury better hope the Russian Mafia is heavily medicated with GLeeMONEX or they are going to have a personal vendetta against the a-hole. My jaw literally dropped when I heard this live yesterday. Did he really call the Russians "Eurotrash" as I shook my head? I thought I must have heard wrong but then to see Jeremy Roenick's broken jaw drop too and Mike Patrick ask him if he really said Eurotrash...I mean wow. I guess in America it's ok to show a luger die and call Russians Eurotrash but if you show one pierced nipple the whole country explodes.

Oh, and by the way the Americans better get their shit together. The Germans are gaining fast. Stop your crying Mancuso and your excuses Vonn. Buck up and win some more medals.

Video HT: Deadspin

MICHIGAN AND USC IN DEEP SHIT WITH NCAA?

If you have been following college football lately you know the NCAA is investigating both USC and Michigan for breaking the rules that every other major program tends to break....except for the shitty ones. Both of their fates belong in the NCAA hands now as we will learn within the next 2-3 months whether or not Michigan will get punished for making their players stop acting like pussies and practice or if USC will get slapped with a white glove across Tommy Trojan face for paying their "student-athletes" to lose to Stanford once again. I get this gut feeling nothing is going to come of it. I would love to see the NCAA come down and lay down the SMU on USC because those cocksuckers have been breaking compliance rules more often AD Mike Garrett cleaning up yet another dead hooker in Pete Carroll's office but they won't. USC is their golden ticket out west and Michigan honestly shouldn't be punished because I want to see DickRod in Ann Arbor as long as possible. I love seeing the Michigan faithful squirm in disgust as soon as Fraud-riguez appears on the tube.

This is how I see a potential meeting going down between the NCAA and SCUM...

ADMIRAL ACKBAR FOR OLE MISS MASCOT?

According to the AJC.com Ole Miss students are jumping on a Star Wars character as their next mascot....

The campaign for Admiral Ackbar is gaining Internet, if not intergalactic, steam.

Tuesday, Ole Miss students voted to find a new mascot to replace the abandoned Colonel Reb. A student committee to develop and propose a new mascot will be formed soon.

Ackbar, a member of the Mon Calamari species who led the Rebel Alliance ships into the Battle of Endor, appears to be the early favorite. He has more than 14,000 Facebook fans. Websites like notatrap.org -- "It's a trap!" was his famous line -- are promoting Ackbar's candidacy.

"Who wants a Colonel when you could have an Admiral?" the Web site asks, before launching into "The Story of Ole Miss Ackbar."

"A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away ... Admiral Ackbar received a deep space transmission of SEC coverage. He found that he couldn't stop watching everything from football to volleyball. One team stood out to him, the Ole Miss Rebels. He led the Galactic Rebellion, and he knew he needed to be with the Ole Miss Rebels. And so, he started the long trek to Oxford, Miss."

Personally I don't think Admiral Ackbar would be a good representation of Ole Miss. First off his skin isn't white pigmented and his racism meter would seriously fail since his tends to point towards intergalactic peace. He does look similar in appearance to former coach Ed Orgeron but I think they should just bring back Colonel Reb...

How many mascots besides UGA would get as much ass as Colonel Reb would if he came back to life? Yeah I know it's not PC to have some old racist bastard as your mascot but you don't see Notre Dame dropping the Fighting Irish because they hate the English.

SCOTT VAN PELT GETS PRANKED BY THE HOWARD STERN SHOW

It actually amazes me that Captain Janks from the Howard Stern Show could pull this shit on live air. Not only was he able to convince the ESPN producers he was recently released Eagles runningback Brian Westbrook but he got them to batch him in live on SportsCenter. Great job Captain Janks! The look on Van Pelt's face is gold. Just wondering out loud but does anybody actually watch SportsCenter anymore? With the internet and all the streaming videos of highlights plus all the blogs devoted to one's favorite teams it would seem that SportsCenter would be facing extinction. I guess it's a good thing they still have Tiger Woods to cover.

JULIA MANCUSO WINS ANOTHER SILVER

USA skier Julia Mancuso finished 2nd to a German this time and not Lindsay Vonn in the super-combined but the only reason why I ackowledge her silver medal is it gives me a reason to post pictures of the little Vixen. Here you go SportsCrack heads...

Lingerie shot...


Mancuso getting felt up in the hot tub...


She also likes to belly up to the bar with an ice cold Carlsberg...


Mancuso only turns her back to the smelly French...


She can kiss our Silver medals any day of the week...


She clearly loves to party and bring home the medals for the US of A. Give her a helping hand America...



And here is an interview she did with Digg in Whistler...

GREAT JOB FRENCHY

If you watched the Olympics yesterday you might have noticed all of the gnarly crashes by the women in the downhill skiing events. Nobody was seriously injured except the ego of this French fry...



Video HT: WWTDD

Yesterday was a great day in USA Winter Olympic history. Lindsay Vonn won the gold despite her injury while Shaun White and Shani Davis brought home the gold while dominating their respective sports. So far I have been glued to my recliner watching the Olympics nonstop...one of the main reasons why the blog posts have been scarce lately. They only come around once every 4 years fucktards so you might as well watch them and enjoy it. Right? Exactly.

USA! USA! USA!

I told you it wouldn't fit Lindsay!

THE FAT LADY DON'T FIT

I could literally watch this all day. Just seeing her chubby face stare at the wall like it's a 600 pound donut coming to eat her is simply priceless. They need to start doing this show for sports figures. First one up can be Lane Kiffin. The NCAA sends a wall in the shape of a snake. Make a network out of it.

PITCHERS AND CATCHERS REPORT TODAY

We can't have an initial report of pitchers and catchers reporting to Spring Training today with the absence of the George Brett shitting on himself video. It's as American as apple pies. Across camps in sunny Arizona and Florida the spectacle of mostly out of shape baseball players will stretch, shoot the shit, and warm up their bodies to get ready for Opening Day which is about 6 weeks from now.

Braves fans received some good news today when a MRI on Jair Jurrjens pitching shoulder revealed no structural damage and just minor inflammation. Braves Nation including myself were lighting the torches for GM Frank Wren for trading away Javier Vasquez to the Yankees for Tony Tarasco 2.0 because of the supposed surplus in quality starting pitchers the Braves had. You dodged this bullet Wren.

Orioles fans should be ready for an interesting season in which the once proud franchise will look to snap a 12 season losing record streak. The additions of Kevin Millwood and Mike Gonzalez should solidify a very young and talented pitching core while the signings of Miguel Tejada and Garrett Atkins could provide some more explosive offensive weapons to an offense that boosts All Stars Brian Roberts, Nick Markakis, Adam Jones and up and coming talents such as Matt Wieters and Nolan Reimold. In the toughest division when you face the Yankees, Red Sox and Rays (all top 5 teams overall in the Majors) 19 games each a winning record would be a major accomplishment considering the Orioles are still extremely young in starting pitchers. Brian Matusz, Brad Bergesen, and Chris Tillman all flashed looks of future greatness last year as rookies but will have bumps in the road much like the Atlanta Braves did in the late 80's with Tom Glavine, John Smoltz, and Steve Avery coming up.

Either way it's a time to get excited about baseball. The winter is almost gone and spring will blossom soon. And Hall of Famer George Brett will be taking a dump in his pants near you.

Play Ball!


The above picture is of a Florida Marlins Mermaid. This picture alone should make all those Cuban refuges down there want to go and see a game.

BARRY MELROSE USES AN INTERESTING FACIAL CREAM

I always thought Canadians were a little off with their beady little eyes and their hockey sticks so it should come as no surprise with their preferred choice of facial cream: "Chicken shit!" Gotta love the honesty from Barry Melrose. I wonder if he uses Canadian geese shit for his hair? One can only hope. By the way the USA hockey team is up 1-0 on Switzerland after the first period. We are coming for you Canada! Your socialized health care stands no chance against our corrupt Insurance companies....EH!!

SOFTBALL GUYS ADMITS TO PERFORMANCE ENHANCING DRUG USE

An Exclusive, Emotional Interview with Softball Guy from JoeSportsFan.com on Vimeo.

LOVE ME SOME WINTER OLYMPICS

Winter Olympics AD courtesy of MacGsWorld


As you may know the Winter Olympics have officially started up in the great province of British Columbia and just taking a quick look around the sports blogosphere it sounds like most bloggers hate it. While it may be true these Winter Olympics don't involve their precious football, basketball, baseball, or soccer it would be wise to get your head out of your ass and watch it before shitting all over it.

Personally I love the Winter Olympics because we get to see athletes not named Lebron or Tiger grab all the headlines. If you can't enjoy watching the freestyle moguls where skiiers go speeding down a hilly slope that would shred Tiger Wood's labia into quarters then you are a fucking communist and you should be deported to Cuba quicker than you can say Fidel Castro. No but seriously the Winter Olympics are fun to watch. These athletes with the lone exception of curlers who are really just like Nascar Drivers (they couldn't cut it in real sports so they decided normal everyday activities like sweeping and driving a car was something which only a small portion of the population otherwise known as rednecks and ratards would appreciate) spend 4 years if not more in their lives preparing for one moment of glory. Some fail. Some triumph. Either way the competition drives them to unbelievable heights and with country pride at stake I don't see how you could not enjoy watching the Olympics.

Even sports that some may call stupid like figure skating are completely mesmerizing to watch. You try skating on a thin piece of ice in a leotard while be thrown up into the air in order to land a triple lutz-triple loop. It isn't that easy stud. I can't imagine the hours of training and dedication that went into it so I merely watch and root for the Americans to kick some ass. Oh yeah, there is also nothing wrong with being patriotic during the Olympics. It's one of the few times you can shout "USA USA USA" into someone's face without fear of being persecuted for being a douche.

So if you are bored of watching meaningless NBA games and waiting for March Madness to kick in please tune in to NBC and watch some Winter Olympics. Don't be a communist prick or a terrorist. Be American. Watch the Olympics. On NBC.

/blogpost sponsored by NBC.

DRINK LIKE A CHAMPION TODAY HOODS NOW ONLY $15

For a limited time only you can warm yourself up with a DRINK LIKE A CHAMPION TODAY hoodie for only $15. We only have a limited amount of them left so go ahead and buy one today before they are gone at this great price (regular price is $35).

THE WHO DAT REDNECKS ARE BACK DESTROYING TVS

Umm, I really don't have much to say. I always knew Saints fans had a screw loose. Must be all the bourbon down there and swamp land. If you ever thought the movie "WaterBoy" was full of stereotypes and racist innuendo well then obviously you haven't been to Louisiana. Wow.

Video HT: WithLeather

DREW ORLEANS WHO DAT NATION SHIRT

Since we have had a ton of requests for not only a Who Dat? shirt but also for Mr. New Orleans himself now we have made an executive decision to produce the DREW ORLEANS WHO DAT NATION SHIRT. These fantastic soft cotton t-shirts have a vintage look and feel to them and are exclusive designs of SportsCrack LLC. These shirts are UNLICENSED and have absolutely no affiliation with the NFL or their properties. This is just another shirt to show your Who Dat? pride with this classic Drew Orleans designed tee shirt. Get your shirt now in time for Mardi Gras!!!!

SPORTSCRACK STORE

WHO DAT? CHAMPS 2009 SHIRT

We have gotten a thousand requests to do this shirt so here you go New Orleans fanatics: WHO DAT? CHAMPS 2009 Shirt. For the low price of $17 you can display your Who Dat? pride with this exclusive tee shirt from SportsCrack. This is an UNLICENSED shirt and has absolutely no affiliation with the NFL or their properties. A portion of all t-shirt sales go to the American Cancer Society. Enjoy and be sure to spread the word.

SPORTSCRACK STORE

TRACY PORTER'S INTERCEPTION IN TECMO BOWL STYLE

Forget about Madden Football, Tecmo Bowl was the shit back in the day. Whether you used Bo Jackson or Walter Payton or Jerry Rice to score you ridiculous amounts of touchdowns or had LT (the real one and not the pussy who wears light blue these days) rushing off the end you could dominate. It was also the first fun football game to play competively against your friends on Nintendo. It's right up there with NHL 93 and Mario Brothers in terms of iconic sounds and images and gameplay.

BRIAN KELLY SHIRTS AND KELLY'S HEROES SHIRTS ARE NOW $10

For a limited time we have a sale going on for the new Brian Kelly Winning His Way Shirts and Kelly's Heroes. For only $10 you can get them in either green or navy. Be sure to order yours now before they are gone. First come first serve on these bad boys.

WHEN THE SAINTS GO MARCHING IN

As you know I'm not a Saints fan. In fact I don't like them at all. I'm an Atlanta Falcons fan and the Saints are their oldest and most storied rival (which really isn't much since most of both franchise is comprised of shit seasons) but I do enjoy watching celebration videos. One of these days I will get to be a part of it and I sure as hell won't be working the next day. More than likely I will be naked in a holding cell. Shivering. With a smile on my face. Anyways, here is a Saints celebration video...


Video HT: Deadspin

THE HIGH-FIVE HIT UP MIAMI

You can not have a Super Bowl without a high-five montage. So here you go, the high-five montage...

HIGH-FIVE SUPER BOWL! - watch more funny videos

THIS SUPER BOWL COMMERCIAL CAUGHT MY ATTENTION

Another shitty year of Super Bowl commercials was a disappointment but this one for TruTv made me laugh out loud only for the reason because little people are funny....

TRACY PORTER SEALS THE DEAL FOR N'AWLINS

Congratulations go out to the New Orleans Saints and their fans (the real ones from the Bayou, not the bandwagon ones) on their first Super Bowl victory last night over the Indianapolis Colts. The Saints dominated the game after the first quarter and deserved to win thanks to an almost perfect performance from Drew Brees who won the Super Bowl MVP (33 for 39 with a spike and a dropped pass) and had a great moment with his newborn son. Cornerback Tracy Porter sealed the victory last night with this electric pick 6 when he jumped the route and made Manning look like a choke artist again. The game for the most part lived up to the hype and minus the INT Manning and Brees had a classic duel that should go down in history.

Now that football season is over can we petition to have this game on Saturday night now? I know the tradition is to have it on Sundays but I think for most people who work it's awfully tough to get up on the following Monday after partying with your friends and family all night. Saturday night would be perfect. The parties would be crazy and I bet the ratings would be about the same if not better. Just a thought as I try to shake out this Super Bowl hangover.

DICKROD KEEPING IT REAL WITH DEMAR DORSEY RECRUITMENT

Demar Dorsey is not only the #2 rated prep safety in the nation going to Michigan but he has an outstanding past with an arrest for robbery with a deadly weapon as a 16 year old and burglary of a building as a 17 year old. But who gives a shit the boy can play some ball and will now be up in Ann Arbor wrecking havoc in the dorms. Lock up your Macbooks coeds. Here is what Michigan head football coach had to say in regards to the controversial new recruit's past history...

Theres nobody on this football team that weve signed that has a felony conviction ... Theres nobody on this football team we signed that has a misdemeanor conviction.

Ah, makes perfect sense now. No wonder Demar can run a 4.25 40 and have a vertical jump of almost 40 inches. Mofo has literally been running from the popo the past 3 years trying to earn a scholarship to get his edumakation up in Ann Arbor. Dorsey is so fast he has managed to escape a felony conviction. It's fantastic to see DickRod take in such an outstanding young gentlemen into his program and show him the right way to do things. Hell, it worked for him with PacMan and Chris Henry in West Virginia. Those kids went in as saints and left as popes with degrees in hand.

God bless DickRod and his kind heart.

I WANT TO STRANGLE YOU

You see the schmuck with the suit and tie standing behind the Atlanta Thrashers' bench? Yes, the same guy looking up at the jumbo tron with the same blank less expression as your grandfather who suffers from Alzheimer's. His name is Don Waddell. He is the general manager of the Thrashers. In fact he has been their GM ever since they fluttered to existence 11 years ago. The man with the "5 year plan" has as many playoff wins as you the reader. 0.0 in fact. He has let All-Star players go (Dany Heatley, Marc Savard, Marian Hossa) in the past because he either didn't want to pay them fair market value or because he is a fucking idiot who doesn't know how to run a professional hockey organization. I would say both.

And now he is going to trade away the face of the franchise. The one player who actually wants to win and stay in Atlanta but who also deserves to be paid fair market value for the superstar he is. I'm talking about Ilya Kovalchuk. Kovy as he is affectionately known to Thrashers' fans is about to leave the one franchise who couldn't put a cast around him to support his talents. Kovy is the greatest player to lace up the skates for the Thrashers and will probably be the last in Atlanta. The Atlanta Spirit Group (sounds like a Gay Pride Parade, not that there is anything wrong with that) is their collective group of donkey ass owners who would rather be cheap and sell a shitty product rather than invest and make a better product for fans to come watch. It makes sense to be constantly cheap when you are investing in a better future. The Thrashers are not. Waddell released this candid and rather frank statement about why he will now be trading Kovalchuk:

"Our goal from the start of this negotiating process was to sign Ilya Kovalchuk to a long-term contract," Waddell said in a statement. "During the process, Kovy affirmed his desire to be a Thrasher for life. We've spent several months exploring scenarios with Kovy and his agent to reach a mutually beneficial agreement and offered many lucrative packages in an attempt to meet his financial objectives. Unfortunately, we've reached an impasse and at this point he has declined all of our proposals and we can't reasonably go any higher.

"Ultimately, we offered Kovy more than $101 million over 12 years, which would have been the highest contract signed by an impending unrestricted free agent in the history of the league," Waddell said in the statement. "If accepted, this contract would have been the second-highest offer ever to any NHL player. We also met his desire to be the highest-paid player based on average annual salary with a separate offer of seven years at $10 million per year ($70 M). This offer is $0.5 million higher per year than any other player.

"If we went beyond these offers, we would not be able to retain the young players on our roster when it came time to sign them or invest in other top-tier players needed to assemble a truly competitive team. Therefore, we are aggressively exploring all of our options as we move forward," Waddell's statement said.

Notice the "if we went beyond these offers we would not be able to retain the young players on our roster" is one of the most laughable statements I have ever read. Waddell and the ASG have never ponied up the money to retain any of their young players and are doing the same with Kovy so why would that change now or in the future? If Waddell is so interested in investing in top-tier players like he says he is then he should have signed Kovy a long time ago. Last season would have been nice instead of waiting till the last moment to negotiate an extension.

If you read this blog you know that I usually side on the ownership's side rather than the players because if you have ever run a business you know how important your bottom line is. But the Thrashers are so poorly run and have been for 11 plus seasons that they are now getting rid of their best product and will conceivably settle for worse players in return for a guy who is the only reason you sell tickets in the first place. The die hard hockey fans will still show up but the casual fans who are looking to be entertained want to come into the building and watch Kovy. He is worth the price of admission. Without him the Thrashers are not worth anything now or in the future because players are not going to want to come to an organization that trades or lets their best players walk away when it comes to getting paid what they deserve. It's like the Thrashers are being run by the actual company GM and are expecting some miracle government grant to come in and save their sorry asses when they have nobody to blame but themselves.

The Thrashers should have given Kovy what he wanted. He is only 26 years old and is only getting better with age. He deserves the money because he sells tickets and is an exceptional talent that can not be replaced unless you are getting back an Ovechkin or a Crosby in exchange. That of course won't happen. The Oilers didn't get better when Gretzky left. The Bulls didn't get better when Jordan left. For this is one of many reasons why Waddell is making a huge mistake. And for this I want to strangle his fat fucking turkey head.

Good bye Kovy. You will be missed and you deserve better. Thanks for the memories from this die hard Thrashers fan.

YOUR DREARY THURSDAY AFTERNOON FLASH

I know most of you are stuck in the office today on this dreadful February Thursday (it's raining again here in Atlanta, I swear we are turning into Seattle) so I figured this video could brighten up your day. It's NSFW so be sure to send it to your boss or your sexy co-worker who keeps ignoring your advances. Trust me they love this shit.

#1 PROSPECT SEANTREL HENDERSON PICKS USC

Continuing the tradition and stealing another recruit at the last moment seems to be Lane Kiffin's m.o. I wish Seantrel nothing but sanctions and losses in South Central.

/bitter ND fan.

TIM TEBOW'S SUPER BOWL COMMERCIAL

Via WithLeather comes the Tim Tebow pro-life commercial which will certainly make women think things over before picking up that wire hanger and vacuum. Imagine a world without Tim Tebow. I know. It's too scary to even imagine.

CLOTHING DRIVE

If all these bull shit publicity whore celebrities really want me to donate some of my hard earned dough to the country of Haiti well then they can start offering up incentives like this...free Bud Light...

REX RYAN STILL TALKING THE SMACK

Awfully brave of Jet's coach Rex Ryan to talk some shit to the Miami crowd at an ultimate fighting competition. Talk about having some cajones. Half the crowd is either convicted felons or gang members. And no I'm not stereotyping ultimate fighting fans. I'm laying this on the whole city of Miami.

SHAUN WHITE TAKES ONE TO THE TOMATO CAN

I got to give the kid some credit. He took a vicious hit to the head which rocketed his helmet off about 50 feet in the air and yet he got up and shook it off. Bravo Shaun White. Bravo. If that were Ladainian Tomlinson on the half pipe he would have sat out the finals due to fatigue.

Oh yeah, the asshole in me came out when his helmet flew off. I couldn't help but laugh out loud. Something about seeing a red headed longhair take one in the noggin is funny.

I FOUND MY MIDDLE SCHOOL GIRLFRIEND ON FACEBOOK

If this video from the Wonder Cousins doesn't win a MTV Music Award then it will be a bigger sham than the Mormon religion. How can we get this video on MTV? Actually I don't even think they play music videos on that network. Instead it is should be called Jersey Shore 24/7.

LEBRON JAMES REJECTS THE NOTION OF KOBE AS THE BEST PLAYER

Give Lebron a supporting cast that Kobe has had his whole career and we would be talking about 3 rings easily on his fingers at this point. King James is hands down the best player in the NBA. Kobe is a great player too but Lebron has an all-around game that makes the players around him better. If Lebron had MJ's Scottie Pippen or Kobe's Shaq during their primes he would be considered right up there with Jordan as the best player to ever play the game. And as far as I know he doesn't rape women in Colorado...I think...

MONEYBALL MY ASS: A'S SIGN SHEETS

Oakland A's GM Billy Beane is known for his Moneyball philosophy which in general terms is finding bargain price players who have good OPS and WHIP stats. Not pitchers who are coming off elbow surgery. The A's signed former Brewer's ace Ben Sheets today to a one year contract for $10 million plus incentives when it appeared no other team was willing to go above 5-6 million for him in base. Granted I know the A's wanted a veteran starter to help bridge the gap to their young guys Brett Anderson, Dallas Braden, Gio Gonzalez and Trevor Cahill but it seems like they way overpaid for a starter who has had durability concerns all of his career. So what the fuck is Beane thinking on this one? Unless Sheets catches magic in a bottle there is no way he is going to pitch worthy of $10 million even if it's just a one year gamble. Seems like Beane is getting desperate out there in Oakland with the Mariners greatly improved and the Angels and Rangers both legitimate playoff contenders in 2010.

TERRANCE CODY PASSES THE EYE TEST

If you are an NFL GM how can you pass on Mount Cody? He looks like a D.C. hooker. For this reason alone it wouldn't surprise me to see Dan Snyder grab the big guy early in the 2nd round. Those boobs are mesmerizing and that belly button is deep enough to hold the holy grail.

HT: SI

BOBBY BOTTLESERVICE HAS SOME T-SHIRT IDEAS FOR US

I finally managed to watch "Jersey Shore" the other day so I could see what all the hype was about. It's fake right? Those can't be real people. Snookie and The Situation are clearly struggling comedians trying to make a name for themselves by acting like jackasses. I guess I get the fascination with the show because it's a train wreck waiting to happen but I don't really give a shit about the people on the show. It's not like one of them is Pedro and has AIDS. Next season if they can manage to get Nick Kroll (Bobby Bottleservice) as one of the cast members then I will give it another shot.

HEIDI MONTAG HOPES YOU ARE ENJOYING WORK

While you are sitting in your cubicle thinking of a way to poison your boss's coffee without anybody catching on you can enjoy these "candid" shots of reality star Heidi Montag doing some yoga with her new DDD breasts. I kinda feel bad for her because now every guy is just going to stare at her enormous jugs instead of her plastic face. I feel ya pain Heidi. Now you know how I feel when I go cycling on my training wheels with my bicycle shorts on. WWTDD has more pictures in case you were wondering...

REY MAUALUGA DIGS THE LITTLE PEOPLE

BARSTOOLSPORTS has this candid shot of former Condom linebacker Rey Maualuga groping some midget's boobs on a new recruiting tactic implemented by coaches Lane Kiffin and Ed Orgeron. The NCAA is looking into it. Not sure if grabbing little people funbags is a major or minor recruiting violation. I would say minor since they are smaller right?

HOLY MASOLI A THIEF?

GIVE ME ALL OF YOUR MACBOOKS AND GUITARS BEFORE I QUACK UP THE WHOLE PLACE!!!!

Rumors are swirling that Oregon Ducks starting QB Jeremiah Masoli is one of two football players accused of theft this weekend at a fraternity party in Eugene. Masoli and backup WR Garrett Embry are accused of stealing two Macbook Pro computers, a guitar, and a projector from Sigma Alpha Whogivesafuk as revenge for Embry being kicked out of a party earlier. Here is the juicy cover up part via the OUSportsDude:

UPDATE (10:00 PM): “KMTR is reporting that Masoli was named in the Eugene theft report, but police say he’s not a suspect.”

I don’t want Masoli to be guilty, but my source at the frat said they “are very big duck fans” and want to protect the program. Therefore I can’t fully believe the report that Masoli is not a suspect in the case. Just speculation, but they are going to try and save Masoli from any legal ramifications.

I know I’m sounding like a hater, but the fraternity has very good reasons to say Masoli is innocent and blame it wholly on Embry. Embry is the perfect scape goat: reputation as a trouble maker, connections with SAE and most importantly, NOT THE BEST PLAYER ON THE TEAM.

Damn, you know what this means right? Yep, Masoli is only going to get 11 pairs of free Nikes this offseason and 2 PS3 Consoles but with only one controller as punishment and will be required to attend at least 3 of his classes. This is what happens when you quack with the law Masoli in Eugene. They about to get strict on the starting quarterback for a potential top 10 team next year. (/shakes head in doubt)

Big ASS HT to TheBigLead for bringing this to our attention.

URBAN MEYER ISN'T GOING ANYWHERE

Sorry to have to kick you in the nuts SEC and Semenholes fans but The Pope Urban Meyer is coming back in case you didn't already know...

Florida football coach Urban Meyer met with the media at halftime of the Florida-South Carolina basketball game Saturday and said he plans to be coaching the Gators on the first day of spring practice.

“I’m going to have a series of tests in February to try to figure this thing out,” Meyer said. “I have to take some time off. I’ve been instructed to by my bride and my boss. I have to change some things. That’s obvious.”

Asked if the tests would be for his heart or for stress, Meyer said, “yes and yes.”

Meyer said he has cut way back on his travel during recruiting.

“They don’t want me traveling,” he said. “I did most of my traveling before the bowl game. I keep hearing about this time off. I tried it for a day and a half. That didn’t work out.”

Seriously why wouldn't Urban come back? They have the #1 class in the nation right now just waiting to get into Gainesville and start building another legacy now that Tim Tebow is gone. They have 3 guys who are 5 star defensive lineman in the class alone. Why the hell would Urban just leave? Because of his health and family? Get the fuck out of here. The guy is an admitted perfectionist who is still steaming from losing the SEC Championship to Alabama. He will take a little time off once he gets his recruiting class signed but you know he will be back in Gainesville giving Eskimo kisses as soon as spring rolls around.

I feel bad for all my friends who are die hard Georgia fans. They know they can't beat Florida with Urban there. It's the exact opposite feeling of how Notre Dame fans felt when the news broke of Pete Carroll leaving. Rejoice. Thankful that the Poodle would no longer bark on the sidelines while consistently beating the shit out of Notre Dame over and over. Georgia fans thought Urban was gone but it was all just a sad illusion. It's demoralizing to think UGA will struggle to compete with their fiercest rival for the next five years because most of the alumni are putting out thousands of dollars just to get tickets to see a vastly inferior product to the one residing in Gainesville currently. It shouldn't have to be this way because Georgia has talent but Urban Meyer is clearly head and shoulders above anybody not named Nick Saban in the college coaching ranks right now.

Urban is going to be at Florida till he dies. Trust me on this. If not just ask his wife Shelley. She knows it.

PRICELESS AUDIO OF BRETT FAVRE'S INTERCEPTION

Talk about shitting away the game yesterday. The Vikings did everything possible to hand the game over to the New Orleans Saints including 3 crucial fumbles combined from Adrian Peterson and Percy Harvin but those paled in comparison to this final Brett Favre pass. Oh the gunslinger just had to throw across his body with less than a minute to go and the Vikings only needing a field goal to go to the first Super Bowl in decades.

The sound of disgust in the Viking's booth is immortal. Click here to listen. It's fitting that Favre's third retirement ends with an INT. You know he will be back now. He isn't going to leave like that. Damn. I was hoping we wouldn't have to talk about him anymore after this season.

PRINCE IS TRYING TO GET ME TO ROOT AGAINST THE VIKINGS

Listen Prince, I want to root for the Minnesota Vikings tomorrow because of my genuine distaste for the New Orleans Saints. As a Falcon's fan we were raised to not even mention the name Saints. We called them the Aint's. Those cajun speaking toolbags have been our arch nemesis for 30 plus years and there is no way I will ever root for them to win even if they had to suffer through Hurricane Katrina and Drew Brees mullet combover much less his Frank Beamer growth on the side of his face. Plus they got that cheating a-hole in Reggie Bush. No way will I ever root for the Aint's. With that being said why the fuck did you put out this garbage song Prince? You are better than this. I will choose to remember Purple Rain and those two twins in your videos that you probably banged harder than a Mexican at a construction site. It's already hard to root for the Vikings with Brett Favre leading them so you don't need to fuck it up for me anymore Prince. You just embarrassed Jared Allen for Christ's sake. You know how impossible that is? The guy rocks the mullet and jorts with pride but shakes his head in disgust with this garbage "Purple and Gold" song. Leave the gay fight songs to the Tennessee Volunteers. After all it's all they got now with Lame Kiffin bullshitting in South Central.

Thank you and God Bless!

Prediction: Vikings 35 Saints 24

FANTASTIC START TO THE WEEKEND

I've been having writer's block all fucking day, actually all week, and have been trying to think of something to write about worth a shit. So I start writing about college football recruiting because I figured it would be somewhat interesting with it less than two weeks away and everybody on the messageboards freaking out about where teenagers are going to be spending their next 3-5 years in college. Unfortunately the article went to shit because I hear two massive cleaning trucks causing a Haiti in my neighborhood. I look outside and figured the county finally stepped up to the plate and decided to clean our roads of all the leaves and debris left over from fall. Shit if I was wrong. Instead there is dog shit, literally, flung all over the streets and driveways. Awesome! Nothing like going outside to step into some recycled shit. It's like a retarded monkey by the name of Dick Ebersol ran around the neighborhood and decided to fling his pooh around and see what sticks. So I guess I should start a telethon or something for my neighborhood. Haiti doesn't have anything on us. Doesn't anybody know how I can contact Bono? I'm sure he could come up with a catchy tune about "The shit stained streets of Courtland Oaks Drive!" At least I'm not trying to sell the SportsCrack mansion any more. Property values just went to shit again.

(I thought you would enjoy the picture of soft serve more than actual pooh)

QUICK THOUGHTS ON MEL KIPER'S MOCK FIRST ROUND

I know it's still 3-4 months away from the NFL Draft but I figured what the hell? We don't have anything better to do than to take a look at the king of NFL mock drafts right now in Mel Kiper with baseball still a couple of months away and the NFL conference championship games this weekend.

Team Player Pos. College

1. St. Louis Ndamukong Suh DT Nebraska

2. Detroit Gerald McCoy DT Oklahoma

3. Tampa Bay Eric Berry S Tennessee

4. Washington Sam Bradford QB Oklahoma

5. Kansas City Russell Okung OT Oklahoma State

6. Seattle Derrick Morgan DE Georgia Tech

7. Cleveland Joe Haden CB Florida

8. Oakland Anthony Davis OT Rutgers

9. Buffalo Jimmy Clausen QB Notre Dame

10. Denver Dez Bryant WR Oklahoma State

11. Jacksonville Jason Pierre-Paul DE South Florida

12. Miami Rolando McClain LB Alabama

13. San Francisco Trent Williams OT Oklahoma

14. Seattle C.J. Spiller RB Clemson

15. N.Y. Giants Carlos Dunlap DE Florida

16. San Francisco Earl Thomas S Texas

17. Tennessee Everson Griffen DE USC

18. Pittsburgh Brian Bulaga OT Iowa

19. Atlanta Sergio Kindle LB Texas

20. Houston Brian Price DT UCLA

21. Cincinnati Aaron Hernandez TE Florida

22. New England Ricky Sapp LB Clemson

23. Green Bay Taylor Mays S USC

24. Philadelphia Navorro Bowman LB Penn State

25. Baltimore Jermaine Gresham TE Oklahoma

26. Arizona Dan Williams DT Tennessee

27. Dallas Bruce Campbell OT Maryland

28. San Diego Jonathan Dwyer RB Georgia Tech

29. N.Y. Jets Golden Tate WR Notre Dame

30. Minnesota Patrick Robinson CB Florida State

31. New Orleans Jared Odrick DT Penn State

32. Indianapolis Brandon Graham DE Michigan

I completely agree with his first 3 picks of Suh, McCoy, and Berry. You honestly can't go wrong with any of those guys and I believe those are your safest first round draft picks although I do have some doubts about Gerald McCoy in comparison to Suh and Berry. His pick of Sam Bradford at #4 with the Redskins is a bit puzzling. If the Redskins go QB I think they pick the best player in Jimmy Clausen. Bradford is coming off a bad shoulder injury and while he put up some amazing numbers at Oklahoma he had a hard time recognizing defenses especially when they had delay blitzes. Clausen on the other hand played his whole junior season with broken ligaments in his big toe on his planting foot and is the most accurate QB in the draft. He endured 3 years of playing in a pro-style offense under Charlie Weis and matured into a leader this past season. I have my doubts about Clausen being a great NFL QB because of his mobility and pocket presence but in terms of arm strength, accuracy, and the ability to lead teams to come from behind victories I would have to take him over Bradford. Clausen is the safer bet in my opinion.

The Seahawks taking Derrick Morgan of Georgia Tech doesn't make a lot of sense to me. The Seahawks need a QB (Hasselbeck is done) and I believe they will take one of either Bradford or Clausen if available. I've watched a lot of Georgia Tech football and while I think Morgan will be a good pro he does take plays off and there is no way I would take him that high in the draft. Mid to late first round would make more sense. Joe Haden to Cleveland is a good pick and he is without a doubt the best cover corner in this draft. I would love to see Haden in a Falcon's uniform this year but there is no way he slips down to #19. Speaking of the Falcons I like the pick of Sergio Kindle. Falcons have a need at outside linebacker and Kindle could be a beast in the NFL when he isn't smashing cars into apartments.

Kiper has the Bengals taking the first tight end in the draft at #21 in Aaron Hernandez. This would be great news for the Baltimore Ravens because then they could draft the better tight end in my opinion with Jermaine Gresham of Oklahoma at #25. Hernandez and Gresham will both be solid tight ends in the NFL but I like Gresham's height advantage (at 6'6 he has a 4 inch advantage on Hernandez) especially in the red zone.

My man Golden Tate would be a steal for the New York Jets at #29. Golden is a Steve Smith/Hines Ward clone and would be a perfect fit with the Jets. He could step in and run some wildcat while being a great slot receiver for Sanchise to throw to. He also is a hell of a punt returner and he is one of the hardest guys to tackle one on one in this draft.

No Tim Tebow or Colt McCoy in the first round which makes sense. Both guys played in a spread offense in college with tons of talent around them and they will both need time to develop their games for the NFL. I do think one or maybe both of them can play in the NFL and prove their skeptics wrong. Tebow has to work on his mechanics (too big of a windup) and if QB doesn't work out the guy would make a hell of a Wildcat/H-Back/Tight end in my opinion. Colt doesn't have the greatest of arm strength but he is extremely accurate with his throws. Give him some time and he can eat you up much like Sam Bradford.

The Colts are getting a steal if Brandon Graham of Michigan lasts till the end of the first round. Personally I think he is better than Morgan, or at least he was in college when I watched him play, and would be an excellent compliment now as well as an eventual replacement for Dwight Freeney down the road.

Looking at the USC guys I can't argue with Everson Griffen at #17 with the Titans. The guy is a freak and if he can stay healthy he could bring back memories of Jevon Kearse in Nashville. Taylor Mays at #23 with the Packers could be a bust. For all the hype he received in college the guy didn't produce a lot. Sure he can lay out people with hits and all that but his coverage skills blow and his tackling is average.

So what are your thoughts? Any sleepers we should consider as steals or guys you think will be absolute busts? I want to hear it so go ahead and leave some comments. In English is preferable.

BRADY QUINN AND JIMMY CLAUSEN AUTOGRAPH NOTRE DAME FOOTBALL

This is a one of a kind piece for the die hard Notre Dame football fan. You can not find this anywhere else besides SportsCrack.com. In fact it's the only one. I got it priced at $225 so it's first come, first serve on this incredible football. The white panel is full sized and stitched. The flawless autographs of Brady Quinn and Jimmy Clausen both pop on this pristine football.

Order it now and check out our STORE this month as we unveil some more collectors items including Derek Jeter, Golden Tate, Reggie Bush, Ken Griffey Jr. and others at well below market value.

LANE KIFFIN IS NOT A GOOD DRIVER

I can't help but stare in amazement to this .gif that LSUfreek created. Outstanding job. This has Michael Bay written all over it.

THE BUFFALO BILLS ARE JOKING RIGHT?

Seriously Bills? Just move to fucking Toronto already and stop bothering us with this Chan Gailey BS...

ORCHARD PARK, N.Y. -- Chan Gailey was hired by the Buffalo Bills on Tuesday, getting a second chance to prove himself as an NFL coach and inheriting a team that has missed the playoffs for 10 straight years.

Gailey was introduced by general manager Buddy Nix at a new conference which ended a two-month search to replace Dick Jauron, who was fired in November. Gailey takes over a team that finished 6-10 and becomes the Bills' fifth coach since Marv Levy retired after the 1997 season.

Yeah I know that nobody with a pulse wants the job but getting Chan Gailey is on par with settling for Monique on prom night. Nobody fucking wins and all you do is embarrass yourself. Except I'm pretty sure Gailey shaves his legs.

COACH PETE CARROLL NOT BEING FUNNY SKIT

I didn't laugh one time. And who is the douchebag fan and why does he keep getting roles in Hollywood? His humor escapes me. He just yells. Pow! Pow! Cataline Wine Mixer! Pow! In the face! Pow! He is a new version of Dane Cook without the potholes.

MIKE GREENBERG AND ESPN ARE RACISTS

Not really but I'm sure they won't be able to live this down after Mike and Mike's host Mike Greenberg let a little slip of the tongue on live air yesterday...

Now I demand all the people who are too lazy to get real jobs to go picket in front of ESPN Headquarters in Bristol, CT immediately. Now, now, now!!!! ESPN has a dream of taking away your freedom to not work and get paid for it and everyone deserves an apology from them. Oh wait, Greenberg issued an apology. Here it is:

I just came home from the Knicks game and found out about the mess that was created by my garbling a sentence on our show this morning; I apologize for not addressing it sooner.

And I'm sorry that my talking too fast - and slurring my words - might have given people who don't know our show the wrong impression about us, and about me.

I feel horrible about that, because nothing could be further away from who I am and what our show is about.

I would never say anything like that, not in public, or in private, or in the silence of my own mind, and neither would anyone associated with our show, and I'm very sorry that my stumble this morning gave so many people the opposite impression.

Damn, I was hoping to see pitch forks and torches tearing up the World Wide Leader. It was my dream.

RUNAWAY LANE MUSIC VIDEO

Video HT: Blick

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MONIQUE WINS GOLDEN GLOBE, SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF PENISES EVERYWHERE

I was bored last night and was up late watching Taboo on the NatGeo Channel and they were talking about drugs and prostitution being two of the most socially untolerated topics in our world. I'm sorry but they ain't got nothing on Monique's legs. Those things howl at the night waiting to eat their young. The guy with her has to be fucked up in the head. It's one thing to be a chubby chaser but the Wolverine legs are just completely frowned upon...


I'm going to go brush my teeth now and bathe in some vinegar while I cry myself to passing out for posting these pictures.


WWTDD

URBAN MEYER PULLS THE RELIGION CARD ON RECRUIT

Since it is Martin Luther King Day I figured it was sort of appropriate to show you how a certain coach who wears Gator's colors can present "I have a dream" pitch to stud defensive tackles. From GamecockCentral.com Blog comes this interesting story of Florida head coach Urban Meyer pulling the old religion/God card on Philly DT Shariff Floyd right before Floyd was set to pick Ohio State and instead went with the Gators:

“Sharrif was really confused and put a call into Coach Meyer. When they spoke Coach Meyer told him that he had a ‘dream’ the night before, and that Coach Meyer saw himself on the sideline coaching Sharrif. Told him that is was a "message from God that I should come back and coach, as I guess if it’s my time to die, I'd rather die on the sidelines coaching you than anywhere else in the world.

"Sharrif talked to us the next day and said Ohio State is great and all, but Coach Meyer said he would DIE for me. That's pretty intense. From that day on Sharrif mainly kept to himself. But that was the turning point in my eyes."

Now that is how you recruit 5 star players to your school folks. A couple of years ago I probably would have been pissed off after reading this but you know what, I think Urban actually believes the shit he spews. I can't be mad at him for it because I would hope my favorite coach (Brian Kelly) would pull out the "hey, we have Jesus Christ praying on our library you will come to Notre Dame Shariff!" tactic because if it fucking works then well...it fucking works. High school kids are stupid anyways. I used to drop acid back in the day and think I could sing Pink Floyd songs better than Roger Waters or David Gilmour. The prison guards clearly thought otherwise.

So yeah, Urban Meyer talks to God seems perfectly reasonable to a high school kid. Why do you think so many of those idiots join FCA? Probably the free donuts. Ahhh...donuts!

JIMMY KIMMEL KILLS ON JAY LENO

I will be the first to admit I don't even watch these late night tv shows regularly. With that being said I do know who is funny and who is not. Jimmy Kimmel and Conan O'brien are smart, witty, and funny. Jay Leno is the exact opposite. Jimmy Fallon is a hyperactive kid that everybody feels sorry for and I guess for some reason they decided to employ him. Fallon seems like a nice kid. Leno seems like a dick.

The point being is dick's usually win out in the end over the nice guy. Conan is leaving and Leno is replacing him. Leno pulled a Kiffin. Great to see Kimmel put Leno in his place. The shitter. Period.

CHEAT ON! IN LANE WE TRUST SHIRT

We got another new design inspired by an old face back in a familiar place. Continuing the Tradition of winning at all costs comes our brand new "CHEAT ON! IN LANE WE TRU$T" shirt. This vintage feel and look soft cotton tee shirt is sure to be the hit at any tailgate party or hanging out with your friends. It's definitely a conversation starter as anyone can attest to who has worn our shirts in the past.

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MUSCHAMP AND CALHOUN REJECT VOLS, CUTCLIFFE NEXT?

Texas defensive coordinator Will Muschamp and Air Force head coach Troy Calhoun both turned down lucrative offers from Tennessee AD Michael Hamilton to become the Vol's new head coach according to multiple reports. Muschamp apparently is content with being the coach-in-waiting at Texas and Calhoun loves the weather in Colorado. Moving along in their search the next guy who appears to be on the radar is current Duke head coach David Cutcliffe.

Cutcliffe was the offensive coordinator for Tennessee twice under the Phil Fulmer regime and had success at Ole Miss as a head coach leading them to a Cotton Bowl victory with Eli Manning under center. Cutcliffe's claim to fame is coaching both Eli and Peyton while in college. To say Tennessee would be ecstatic with this hire would be on par with me sitting through a marathon of American Idol episodes without throwing my beer at the television and cursing at God for ever creating a show so awful. Vol's Nation want a sexy hire and Cutcliffe just isn't it.

The best candidate I can think of off the top of my head is Temple's Al Golden. Golden can recruit and with the best of them which he showed at Virginia when he was a defensive coordinator and led Temple to a 9 win season this year and their first bowl game in 30 years. The guy can flat out coach but he is supposedly the hot name to replace JoePa at his alma mater Penn State when he either stops coaching or croaks.

So Tennessee fans should prepare themselves for Cutcliffe. Trust me it could be worse. Just prepare yourselves for 8 to 9 win seasons max in the near future.

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LANE KIFFIN DOES A HELL OF A BILL CLINTON IMPRESSION

"I did not have contact with those recruits!"

Whatever makes you sleep better at night buddy. Have you ever seen an introductory press conference more heated and questioned? This is going to be a marriage of hell for USC and Lane Kiffin. Fantastic.

WHILE YOU ARE BITCHING AND MOANING ABOUT WORK

This black lab is having the time of his life chasing melons down in Brazil with model Nicole Bahls(WWTDD.com). Lucky fucking dog. Not only can it lick it's own balls and shit where ever he damn well pleases but he gets the opportunity to play "catch" with Nicole. I just showed my dog Soco these pictures. He farted a balloon full of jealousy and disgust.

BEST FAILS OF 2009

Best Fails of 2009 - watch more funny videos

I completely lost my shit when the guy fell in the grave. Do you help or just laugh or cry in horror? I laughed.

MATT KEMP'S MATCH.COM COMMERCIAL

Could you imagine living the life that Matt Kemp has presented in front of him? I'm not gay as far as I know but the guy is a good looking dude who is young, rich, plays centerfield for the Los Angeles Dodgers and is literally smack dab in the middle of a valley full of excellent Hollywood tail. Of course he is banging Rihanna. Why wouldn't he? If I were him I would be out nailing every single female till my dick fell off. Fortunately for myself I'm not nearly as pretty or rich as Matt Kemp. Fuck.

Go ahead and grab all the Pop star ass you want Matt...