Meet ESPN's Newest It Girl: Britt McHenry

Mute the sound and take a gander at Britt McHenry, a new ESPN talent who will be reporting from her "home" base in Washington D.C.



Now before you slam McHenry as just another pretty face who can't do her job correctly keep in mind she has a Masters degree in journalism from one of the top schools in the nation in Northwestern.  Britt was also a fairly successful D1 soccer player in college and has been working her way up the ladder so to speak while working as a sports reporter and anchor at WJCA in Washington.  She temporarily took a job as a sideline reporter for the San Diego Padres but didn't feel the fit was right before going back to D.C.  Now she will be telling us the latest and greatest in regards to RG3, Bryce Harper, and John Wall among other stars in the D.C. Sports Market for ESPN.

She's got the SportsCrack stamp of approval.  I look forward to listening her talk about the Nats getting swept once again by the Braves in the near future.

Alexandria is a Chicago Fan, Looks a little like Kate Upton

If you are bored on this titillating Tuesday feel free to check out pictures of Alexandria Morgan over at The Chive.  She basically looks like a younger, hotter version of Kate Upton.  I'm surprised I didn't get struck by lightning after writing that but it must mean that God agrees because her God given talents are not of this world.  Feel free to follow her on Twitter if that's your stalking thing.

Brian Williams Raps "Gin and Juice"

Thank you Jimmy Fallon interns.  Without all of you this great Brian Williams mash up would not be possible.  Now keep working for FREE because some day you could be making as much as $30k coming out of college.

What Baseball On Acid Looks Like: The Gatorade Bryce Harper Commercial

Holy Panama City flashback time!  I feel like I just took some really high grade acid and just want the trip to stop.  Make it stop!  Bryce Harper is some kind of liquid trail demon mashing balls that turn into his face to the sweet rift of Welcome to the Jungle.  I don't give a shit if you hate Harper this commercial is legit.  No more clown questions bro!

Release the Kimbrel Shirts in Throwback Royal and Navy Now Available

Let's be completely honest here folks.  There is only one pitcher in the last 10 years who has made grown men look like babies swinging a wiffle ball bat.  Kimbrel is the closest thing to unhittable since that day long ago you thought you had a shot at the prom queen.  It's almost a crime on itself for us to have never made this shirt till today.  Now is your chance to #RELEASETHEKIMBREL with this classic Game Over shirt.  Comes in one of either THROWBACK ROYAL or TRADITIONAL NAVY.

This Jameis Winston Pre Spring Game Speech Gave Me Goosebumps

Chills running up and down my spine.  Jameis Winston won a Heisman Trophy and National Championship last season while avoiding those pesky rape charges at FSU because he knows how to articulate his passion for the game of football.  Famous Jameis aka Jaboo is from the sticks of Alabama but you would never know it by listening to him.  Jim Nantz better watch out for his Masters gig.  After Jameis manages to score the first ever negative Wonderlic he's going to use that mouth of his to secure broadcasting jobs after his motivational speech days are over.  I'm not even going to lie I had tears forming listening to Jaboo talk.

P.S- What the fuck did he say?

Bubba Watson Celebrated His Second Masters Win With a Trip to the Waffle House

Bubba Watson won his second Green Jacket in three years yesterday in Augusta but also managed to make a trip that many of us have made in the middle of the night: Waffle House.  At 1:30 AM to be exact.  I'm guessing there was some celebratory drinks before hand.  I know what you are thinking...where is their 2-year-old son who CBS pinned up there like Bubba and his wife were the parents of the year?  Well who do you think drove these drunk bastards and took the picture?  Yup the kid.  He's already pulling his weight in the Watson family.

P.S- I don't care how rich you are.  The Waffle House is still the best place to get a great breakfast.  I get the All-Star Special all the time.  Substitute hashbrowns for the grits, side of bacon, scrambled eggs, wheat toast, and a waffle of course.  Vanilla coke is the go-to drink.  Just made myself hungry talking about it.

Texas Tech Football Has A Dance Off, Head Coach Kliff Kingsbury Steals The Show With His Stanky Leg

Recruiting 101: Learn the stanky leg, do the stanky leg, make the video go viral.  Boom recruits sign on the dotted line.

Texas Tech head coach Kliff Kingsbury is a renegade innovator.  A man's man.  One stanky leg at a time.

Sign of the Apocalypse: The Duke Flop Has Now Infiltrated Boys League Basketball

Thanks Coach K.  Not only do you teach your overrated players how to pull a patented Shane Battier flop anytime someone penetrates the lane but now we got fucking kids taking dives like they play on the Italian National soccer team.  To be completely honest if I was a ref and saw this little punk pull this shit I would not only kick the kid out of the game but also the parents for raising an asshole.  Hey but that's just me.

Charles Barkley Says He Offered Dirk Nowitzki Money To Go To Auburn

Typical SEC scum move.  I love Charles Barkley and his honesty.  Just tells it like it is.  Yeah I offered German wunderkid Dirk Nowitzki a bunch of money to go to Auburn years ago...whatcha going to do about it?  Shit I don't even blame Barkley.  Have you seen Auburn play basketball?  They haven't been close to competitive since the mid-to-late 90's.

40 Years Ago Today: "There's a new home run champion of all time...and it's Henry Aaron"

I don't give a shit how many Barry Bonds hit.  Hank Aaron is still the all-time home run champion.

Good to see Derek Jeter Still Has His Fielding Range

Yeah Jeeeeets!

Oh shit.  He's old.  And slow.  And has the flexibility of a guy who just went through a colonoscopy.  Other than that Derek Jeter looks great.

Go Get Em Kid!

FSU and Notre Dame Joust In Rain Delay Baseball Game

I've always said you can really get to know your fellow teammates during a rain delay.  Last week Notre Dame and FSU had an extended one in Tallahassee and squared off in hijinks to one up one another.  Gotta love the old Catholics vs Criminoles battles.  The only thing it was missing was Jameis sacrificing a young lady in distress.

Riots at UCONN

I don't think I will ever understand the mentality behind rioting after your school or team wins a championship.  Breaking shit to celebrate seems counterproductive but hey that's just me.  Can we get confirmation that Storrs, Connecticut is still a city and not a raging fireball of chaos?

PS - Is the guy shooting this VINE the owner of the car?  Why else would you be like NO NO NO then YES YES YES?  Rioters gonna riot.  The voice sounds identical to a South Park character.

Shabazzketball Destroyed My Bracket, Can Now Eat

"The Hungry Huskies...this is what happens when you ban us!"

Truer words have never been spoken.  Final Four Most Outstanding Player Shabazz Napier is not only a two-time champion for the UCONN Huskies but is now a mouthpiece for the plighted and malnourished student-athlete that the NCAA preys upon.  Poor guy goes to "bed starving" while the rest of college students eat $50 filet mignons and their fancy sides that they find in between their microbrew soaked suede couches.  I feel bad for guys like Napier.  Not only does he get his tuition paid for but he also has to put up with all of his free room and board and books and free tutoring and free five course meals and women and free travel and clothes and future NBA millions while "starving."  It's a hard knock life for Napier and he shows he is true warrior in every fashion.



In conclusion fuck guys like Shabazz Napier.  Not because he is bitching about "starving" but because he completely ruined my bracket.  I had UCONN losing in the first round.  Napier put them on his back and said F that guy and his stupid office bracket.  I gotta eat!

Congrats to UCONN for winning the title.  It was much deserved.  I enjoyed all 45 minutes of the tournament I actually watched. Now we can focus on more important things like baseball and hockey before football finally comes back.

Gene Chizik Not Thrilled With Daughter's Prom Date Picture Goes Viral

My daughter is only 3 years old but already I can identify with former Auburn head coach Gene Chizik in this awesome prom date photo bomb.  The classic "look at this fucking guy" who's about to violate my little angel pose.  It's always a good time to clean the gun right before her date comes over in my opinion.  You answer the door all nonchalantly.  Gun in one hand.  Fist in the other.  Let's all make smart decisions here and get this every father's dreaded nightmare over with as cleanly as possible.

For Some Reason These Paulina Gretzky Photos Have Pissed Off The LPGA

Lighten up ladies.  It's not too often we guys have some eye candy to look at on the Women's Tour.

Oh wait she doesn't play on the LPGA?

Doesn't matter.  Now get back in the kitchen and make me some pancakes.

David Ross Recreates "Major League" on 25th Anniversary

Damn now I feel old.  Real old.  Major League was my go-to movie for 3 summers.  Back in the days of Blockbuster and Turtles you had to get these things called VHS tapes kids.  Major League was the best.  It was right up there with Revenge of the Nerds.  I can recite every line.  Back then we didn't even have internet, DVRs, or cell phones or any of that shit you take for granted these days so when you got a movie as gold as Major League you held on to it and watched it endlessly because what the fuck else were going to do?

Kudos to David Ross doing a spot on Lou Brown.  The Pedro Cerrano impression though was minor league at best and how do you not have an impression of Eddie Harris "Are you trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?"  It's the best line of the movie...

Artie Lange Kidnaps Pete Rose

The Tony Perez shit story is laugh out funny.  Priceless.

The Masters Thoughts With Will Ferrell

The keychains out of the Eisenhower Tree is marketing genius.  Will Ferrell just gets it.  He understands the Masters unlike any of us.  Corndogs, fast food, and Ryan Seacrest would make the Masters a perfect golf tournament.  Hopefully Billy Payne is listening.

Florida State New Logo is Climax Worthy

This new FSU logo has been confirmed by TomahawkNation and it's not bad at all.  Seminoles fans are of course in full meltdown mode after seeing it but it looks like the Chief is enjoying some satisfaction. 

I dig it.  The Chief looks younger, faster, has teeth, and more climax-worthy.

Here is the old logo which looked like some blind grandpa looking for his dentures in between the couch cushions:

Duke Recruit Grayson Allen Dunks Over a Player, I Already Hate the Kid

Sorry but it's in my DNA to never ever like a Duke player.  Was this dunk impressive?  Yes.  Do white guys with hops like Brent Barry make my marbles tingle?  Of course.  But Grayson Allen will play his college hoops in Durham for Coach K and for that reason alone I already can't stand the kid.  My Maryland blood boils with the thought of Grayson learning the patented Duke flop.

PS - I was kinda hoping he did the Don Baylor stanky leg when he landed.  I never wish injury on any player besides Duke Basketball guy, Michigan and USC football guy, Yankees guy, and Saints guy.

Don Baylor Breaks His Femur Catching Ceremonial First Pitch from Vlad

Mike Trout's face says it all.  Holy shit!  I was watching this live last night and tweeted about it.  I've never seen an injury like this.  Angels' hitting coach Don Baylor broke his fucking femur catching a 1st pitch from another baseball great in Vlad Guerrero.  His leg literally snaps like a twig and forms a pretzel.  At first I thought Baylor was doing his Stanky Leg Dance or maybe he had dead leg like I get when I take a really long shit.  Nope.  Broken femur.  The biggest damn bone in the leg.  Get well Baylor.  We salute you here at SportsCRACK!

PS - Baylor is a boss.  You tell me another person who would just try to walk off a broken femur.  That is Superman shit strength.

2014 MLB Season Predictions

Ahhh Opening Day is finally here.  It's about fucking time.  No offense to basketball fan but since football ended in early February I've been counting down the days till America's past time.  Baseball makes the nuts tingle.  The crack of the bat.  The smell of tobacco spit.  The A-Rod suspension.  Nuts tingle just thinking of it.

Here are my division predictions.  If you got a problem with it you can reach me by email at matt@idontgiveafuck.com.

AL EAST

1.  Orioles - From top to bottom they have the best lineup in all of baseball once Manny Machado comes back in April.  The additions of Nelson Cruz and David Lough add power and speed.  They have the best defense and the pitching depth is finally there for them to contend for a World Series.

2.  Rays - Tampa might not have a huge payroll like the Yankees and Red Sox but they got a ton of pitching and it should help them win a Wild Card.  Joe Maddon will get this team to 92 wins.

3.  Red Sox - The defending World Series Champs are coming off an improbable magical season but have huge question marks at SS and CF.  Their starting rotation should once again be very good but I think their bullpen will falter a good bit.  One can't expect Koji Uehera to again put up a once in a century stat line.

4.  Yankees - The Yankees dished out a billion dollars or so it seems in the offseason to free agents Tanaka, Ellsbury, Beltran and McCann and on paper it looks like it should make a major improvement to the roster.  The problem is the youngest regular starter is McCann and he isn't a spring chicken.  Jeter is in his final season.  Mo is gone.  CC has cancer.  In another division I could see taking the Yankees to make the playoffs but the AL East is too tough.

5.  Blue Jays - Their rotation is borderline horrid.  Unless some young guys step up I don't see them winning 80 plus games.  Stick with the hockey.

AL CENTRAL

1.  Royals - Don't laugh.  The Royals are the real deal.  They got a bunch of young players hitting their prime years and they play great defense.  With the Tigers faltering a little bit I like Kansas City to make the playoffs for the first time since the 1980's.

2.  Indians - The Tribe are coming off one of their best seasons in nearly a decade and appear to be getting better.  If they had a couple of more arms I would take them over the Royals.  Would not surprise me at all to see the Indians win the division.

3.  Tigers - I know I'm going to get some shit with this prediction but the Tigers could be in serious trouble.  No Fister or Fielder plus they have had some devastating injuries in Spring Training.  Verlander is questionable and their bullpen looks like a train wreck waiting to happen just on paper.

4.  White Sox - Avisail Garcia and Jose Abreu have future super star potential written all over their bodies but the rest of the Sox roster looks questionable at best.  In a couple of years the SouthSide team could be a serious contender.  Not this year though.  They will be shitty.

5.  Twins - How's that Joe Mauer contract treating you?  The Twinkies are a mess.  Good luck not losing 90.

AL WEST

1.  Angels - They got the best player in the game in Mike Trout and I expect big bounce back seasons from Pujols and Hamilton.  The key is their rotation and I think it will be one of the best in the West.

2.  A's - Oakland is a lot like the Rays.  They have great clubhouse chemistry and seem to try harder than other teams by hustling and playing great defense.  I see them stealing a Wild Card from the Indians and Red Sox in the last weekend of the season.

3.  Rangers - Texas reminds me a lot of Detroit.  Too many injuries and question marks at certain positions make them vulnerable.  With that being said it wouldn't surprise me at all to see them win the division if their rotation gets healthy.

4.  Astros - There really is no good reason why I have them not picked for last in this division other than I think they play the underdog role to their advantage all season.

5.  Mariners - One month into the season they will be regretting the Robinson Cano signing.

NL EAST

1.  Nationals - I'm taking the Nats over the Braves because of their rotation.  Plus their bullpen should be strong.  Bryce Harper will put up MVP numbers.

2.  Braves - Ton of question marks with the rotation losing Medlen, Beachy, and Huddy.  Minor is injured and Ervin Santana should be ready soon but I see them struggling out of the gate.  Braves have the best bullpen in the majors and their lineup is the best in the division which will help secure a Wild Card spot

3.  Marlins - No offense other than Stanton but their pitching has the potential to be the best in the division.

4.  Mets - No Miracle in these guys as they are headed for a sixth straight losing season.  The good news is they don't finish in the cellar...

5.  Phillies -  I see the potential for a 100 loss season.  They are old.  New manager.  They are already bickering.  Let's see how many sellouts they have with shitty baseball in Philly.

NL CENTRAL

1.  Cardinals - From top to bottom in their roster they have the 2nd best team in the NL behind the Dodgers.  I think they win the Central easily by 8 plus games.

2.  Reds - Losing Choo hurts but I think Billy Hamilton will be one of the better stories to follow all season as he goes for over 100 stolen bases for the first time in decades.

3.  Pirates - McClutch is coming off a MVP season and the Pirates broke their consecutive losing season streak by making the playoffs.  Unfortunately I'm not ecstatic about their starting rotation.  Too young.

4.  Brewers - I expect Ryan Braun to be booed excessively on the road.  Other than that I have no expectations for the Brew Crew.

5.  Cubs - Sorry Lovable Losers you still have a couple of more seasons before I can even consider you guys close to being good.

NL WEST

1.  Dodgers - The team with the highest payroll is also the best team in baseball.  Anything less than a World Series Title is a disappointment.  The pressure could crush them.

2.  Giants - They will win the Wild Card because they got a tremendous amount of pitching.  Other than Posey and Sandoval their lineup looks questionable.

3.  DBacks -  Any team with Martin Prado on the roster is a team I can pull for.

4.  Padres - They got a lot of young potential stars in their lineup.  Chase Headley is in his contract year which means he will put up huge numbers because money is very important.  Makes sense right?

5.  Rockies - Don't worry Colorado fans.  Your baseball team may suck but at least your microbrews are plentiful and the Broncos seasons will be kicking off in only 5 months.

AL AWARDS
AL MVP - Mike Trout
AL CY YOUNG - Yu Darvish
AL ROOKIE OF THE YEAR - Masahiro Tanaka
COMEBACK PLAYER - Josh Hamilton
MANAGER OF THE YEAR - Buck Showalter

NL AWARDS

NL MVP - Freddie Freeman

NL CY YOUNG - Jose Hernandez

NL ROOKIE OF THE YEAR - Billy Hamilton

COMEBACK PLAYER - Ryan Braun

MANAGER OF THE YEAR - Don Mattingly

WORLD SERIES PREDICTION

In a rematch of the 1966 Classic the Baltimore Orioles beat the Los Angeles Dodgers  in 6 games to win their first title since 1983.

Kentucky Fan in Recliner Reacts to Game Winning Aaron Harrison Shot

Is it just me or does it feel like every Kentucky basketball fan is somehow related to one another?  I'm not saying they are inbred but yeah they are.  Kentucky basketball fan is almost as funny as their #8 seed in the tournament.

Hockey Fight Between Kevan Miller and Travis Moen With Jerry Lawler Doing the Blow-By-Blow

I know it will piss off all the basketball nut jobs who come on here but it needs to be said: hockey is a million times more entertaining than hoops.  WWE's Jerry Lawler doing the ringside treatment is fucking hilarious.  I watched this Bruins vs Canadiens game from start-to-finish which ended the Bruins' 12-game winning streak in a sudden death shootout.  It was electric in Boston.  God I miss hockey.

Glass-Pounding Hockey Fan Takes a Canadian Facial

The hockey Gods were kind in Montreal.  Women you see need to know their place and those are clearly the kitchen and the bedroom, not front row in a NHL game in Montreal.  This female Canuck took a hard heater right off the boards that would make Pamela Anderson flashback to her Tommy Lee boat cruising days.  Honk!

Johnny Manziel Can Do 360-Degree Dunks

Johnny Football is less than 6 feet tall.  Come to think of it he's actually about the same height as I am.  But that is where the similarities end.  Manziel has hops.  I can barely touch the fucking net on a good day.  Manziel can do 360-degree dunks with his size 15 clown shoes.  I can drink beer 360 days of the year in my size 10.5 shoes.  Johnny is about to be a multi millionaire in the NFL.  I'm about to take a shit in my pants because I ate too much pizza last night.  Two peas in a pod.

Beware of The Thong Hunter Patrick Willis

Watch out ladies in thongs.  San Francisco All-Pro linebacker Patrick Willis is going Down Under in Australia's Bondi Beach according to TMZ searching for some thongs to destroy.  By the picture you can tell Willis approaches the ladies with the same grit and determination he does with a running back coming over the middle.  Seek and destroy for the Thong Hunter.

Aroldis Chapman Takes a Terrifying Line Drive off His Face, Breaks Multiple Bones

Ouch.  The Cuban Missile took a brutal line drive straight to his kisser last night from the bat of Royals catcher Salvador Perez in the 6th inning.  The terrifying baseball liner caused multiple fractured bones around Aroldis Chapman's left eye and nose.  Fingers are crossed for Chapman to make a speedy recovery.  I got to be honest I don't think I could recover mentally from the trauma of taking one to the face like this.  The spring training game was immediately cancelled and now the Reds are forced to look at their closer situation while scrambling to find a solution less than two weeks till Opening Day.

Umpire Nick Rose Takes A Line Drive Right in the Dick and Balls

Spring Training is not just for the players.  It's also huge for the umpires in prepping them for a grueling season of farting, spitting, and starting fights.  Or in this case with umpire Nick Rose it's prep for taking a line drive to the "bat and balls" so to speak.  Hopefully he's wearing a cup but the way he went down like a Duke defender in the lane I'm seriously doubting it.

It's Not Officially St. Patrick's Day Without the Leprechaun in Alabama Video

The special Leprechaun flute will no doubt catch a crackhead in Mobile, AL.  If that dude was smart he would patent and trademark the special Leprechaun flute.  Then he can get his own reality show with his family all while becoming the next ghetto Duck Dynasty success story.

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Apparently The Irish Rocked Los Angeles this Morning With an Earthquake

March 17th is the one day of the year everybody is Irish.  This morning in Los Angeles it managed to scare the green out of them with this instant classic live footage of KTLA news anchors freaking out.  The woman of course handled it like a pro.  The guy on the other hand no doubt pissed all over himself.  It's what you get for not wearing green!  Who the hell wears pink on St. Paddy's?  Someone get that guy a diaper and some beer.

Here is a Great New Tailgating Game Called "Stupid"

Clearly this new tailgating game needs three things: A) massive amounts of alcohol  and B) at least two drunk assholes and C) a pigskin.  The good thing is my buddy Rob is proficient in all three of these traits for the tailgating game called "Stupid."  As Rob shows in the video it takes a very brave or drunk individual to put a beer on top of their head while letting the other participant hurdle a football at their noggin for shits and giggles.  One can only hope this game catches on in the South as a form of natural selection for what Charles Darwin dreamt so merrily about.

Charles Barkley Falling Asleep on Inside The NBA Tells You All You Need To Know About The State of Basketball

Honestly who can blame Charles Barkley?  The NBA has not been interesting for this mid 30's guy since the late 90's.  And yeah I know Lebron James is the greatest thing since MJ but it still doesn't interest me.  The fundamentals are awful.  If you took the best players from the 80's and 90's in their prime they would destroy the best players right now in the league.  It's all you need to know.  And don't even start with me on college basketball.  It's unwatchable.  I'm not going to claim basketball is dead but it is the one sport that has gotten progressively worse when every other sport is overall better in terms of talent, coaching, and execution.

ESPN is going to continue to push basketball upon us but anyone with half a brain can see it's shit right now.  Put lipstick on the pig all you want but we all know it's still smelly swine underneath.

Video via the awesome blog Awful Announcing

Now Available for Pre Order: Tight eND U Shirt

Now available for pre order is our exclusive TIGHT END U shirt.  Bigger.  Faster.  Stronger.  

Get ready for football season with this classic Tight eND U shirt.

Brian Kelly Tweets A Model of the New Notre Dame Stadium

Campus Crossroads project is a game changer. I had to share this pic. Best model I've seen. #GoIrish pic.twitter.com/ejPji7W49h
— Brian Kelly (@CoachBrianKelly) March 6, 2014

The detail in this tiny Notre Dame model stadium is impeccable.  Right down to the pasty white crowd.  It looks like field turf too.

Nevada's Deonte Burton With The Dunk of the Year Against Boise State

Deonte Burton is 6'1.  The Boise State defender is 6'9.  Burton straight posterized a dude who is almost a foot taller.  BEAST!

Ken Griffey Jr Apparently is Not a Fan of ESPN or Linda Cohn or Upper Deck...

Ken Griffey Jr had one of the most natural, beautiful swings and played the game of baseball with a big kid's smile on his face throughout his Hall of Fame career.  But Griffey's ESPN interview/Upper Deck Promo with Linda Cohn was delivered to the complete opposite field of natural and smiles.  Junior flat out looked pissed off to even be on TV.  I'm not sure what exactly happened before Griffey went live on-air to make him so curt with Cohn but like myself I think he's still trying to figure out who the Yellow King is in True Detective.

It's obvious after episode 7 who the Yellow King is Griffey.  In fact he's been in Seattle the whole time.

Now stop being an asshole and put a smile on your face Griffey.  I got a shoebox full of '89 Upper Deck rookie cards that was suppose to pay for my new liver by now.

NHL Ref Gets Sucker Punched

The lesson to be learned here kids is to always keep your head on a swivel.  Also karma is a bitch because we all know, even the ref here, that stripes probably had it coming to him.

Exclusive Picture of Matthew McConaughey and Leo DiCaprio having lunch today

Gotta feel for old Leo here.  Matthew McConaughey completely cuckholded with this power move at lunch with his new friend Oscar.  McConaughey is on a roll now after his winning performance in "Dallas Buyers Club" and his brilliant performance as Rust Cohle on HBO's True Detective.  

Wooderson is L-I-V-I-N!

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT.

P.S.- It's complete BS that Dicaprio doesn't have an Oscar win already.  He should have won it for his brilliant performance as Johnny Depp's retarded brother in "What's Eating Gilbert Grape?"  This is what pisses me off about the Oscars.  How does Val Kilmer not even get a nomination for his work as Doc Holliday or Jim Morrison?  Absofuckinglutely makes no sense.

Brian Kelly Post Practice Media Session Has High Praise for Everett Golson

By nearly all accounts returning redshirt junior QB Everett Golson looked sharp today in practice after taking nearly a year off due to an academic suspension.  Golson worked with noted quarterback guru coach George Whitfield during his suspension and you could tell by his practice videos that they paid off.  Golson's throwing motion is a lot more compact and now that he is using the laces (he didn't before) he's getting a tighter spiral with more accuracy hitting his receivers in stride.  Golson has also put on 15 pounds and he looks a lot more physical.

I know it's only spring practice but with Notre Dame returning a top 5 offensive line unit along with multiple playmakers at every skill position it should be expected that Golson puts up Heisman Trophy discussion numbers.  Golson has all the tools and as a redshirt freshman he took Notre Dame to the BCS Championship Game while playing admirably against a loaded Bama squad.  He should only be better this year.

Prediction: Golson throws for over 3000 yards with 25 TDs through the air.  He also runs for 300 plus yards and 6 TDs while leading the Fighting Irish to a 10-2 regular season.

Be sure to check out Irish Illustrated for more up-to-date practice videos.

Josh Reddick Has Already Made The Catch of the Year

Oakland A's outfielder Josh Reddick has already wrapped up the MLB catch of the year and it happened in his first spring training game.  In case you were wondering that is a 10 foot wall he scales to rob Michael Morse of a homer.   And to top it off he made a similar catch later in the game against Morse.  It may be early but Reddick is already in midseason SpiderMan shape.

Olympian Leryn Franco is Good at Working Out

Do you remember javelin thrower Leryn Franco?  Apparently she has competed in 3 Summer Olympics for Paraguay while not modeling on the side.  I tend to get her mixed up with tennis player Sania Mirza but nevertheless Franco is the one who is really, really good at working out.  Basically she is another one of the Lolo Jones/Danica Patrick/Anna Kournikova molds.  You know girls who don't win shit but look great in the process.

Ravens Safety Matt Elam Works At The Finish Line in the Offseason

Baltimore Raven's starting rookie safety Matt Elam made solid footing in his inaugural season in the NFL.  He also made a solid income after signing a $6 million plus contract for 4 years.  But the money and the fame hasn't stopped him from going back to school at the University of Florida to finish his degree and working at the local Finish Line for a little extra cash on the side according to the Baltimore Sun...

Elam told the Ravens' team website that he was going back to school in part because of his mother.

“One reason I’m going back is my mom. I promised her I was going to go back,” Elam said.

What's less clear is why a multimillionaire needs an entry-level retail job ... unless you remember that Elam also saved more than $200,000 by not hiring an agent last summer. A 30 percent in-store discount doesn't sound like much, either, until you consider just how many pairs of $100 shoes an NFL player can afford.

I gotta give credit to Elam.  You don't hear these kind of stories too often especially in the NFL.  For every Ray Rice knocking out his fiance they're hopefully ten Matt Elams in the locker room.

Team USA Hockey vs Canada Today at Noon....Let's Win This Shit!

No more excuses.  We owe Canada for the 2010 Winter Olympics and stealing our gold medal on their home turf.  It's our time.  They may live and die with hockey but we own them now.  Oshie, Kane, and Kessel will all light the lamp today.

USA wins 4-2.

USA!  USA!  USA!

Olympic Figure Skating Farts

It's a damn good thing the Mexicans aren't involved with figure skating.  Sochi would have exploded by now.

This Dog Can Hang With Me Any Day, Takes Dump On Soccer Field

Man's best friend just perfectly summed up my feelings toward soccer by taking a gigantic shit on it.  Ironically this was the most exciting thing to happen to soccer since Pele.

2014 NFL Mock Draft 2.0

We are still a couple of months away from the actual NFL draft but with the NFL Combine coming up I figured it would be fun to do a mock before we see all the official player measurables and times come in.

1. Houston - Johnny Manziel. The Texans have to draft a QB and what better way to bring back some fans then by drafting Johnny Football. He may not be tall but as Russell Wilson proved a couple of weeks ago his skills are enough to lead a team to the Super Bowl.

2. St. Louis - Jadeveon Clowney. Yes I know the Rams have two studs at defensive end already but Clowney is too much of a talent to pass up.

3. Jacksonville - Blake Bortles. The Jags will get either one of Johnny Football or Bortles. Bortles is the guy for now.

4. Cleveland - Teddy Bridgewater. It wouldn't shock me to see the Browns trade up to get one of either Bortles or Johnny Football but if they don't I got them going Teddy here.

5. Oakland - Jake Matthews. The Raiders could also trade up to get a potential franchise QB but instead take a potential All-Pro left tackle in Matthews.

6. Atlanta - Anthony Barr. The Falcons need elite talent who can rush the QB. Barr fits the bill perfectly.

7. Tampa Bay - Sammy Watkins. It will be too tempting for the Buccaneers to pass on a game changing wideout.

8. Minnesota - Derek Carr. He's a project but his upside is tremendous.

9. Buffalo - Khalil Mack. The Buffalo U product won't have to travel far.

10. Detroit - Mike Evans. Detroit loves receivers in the first round.

11. Tennessee - Craig Robinson. I'm not sure why teams are so fascinated with this left tackle but he's projected to go top 10 on a lot of boards.

12. New York Giants - Zach Martin. The Giants need help up front. Martin can play either tackle or guard.

13. St. Louis - Taylor Lewan. The Rams decide to protect Sam Bradford with this roid head. 

14. Chicago - Haha Clinton-Dix. The Bears need help in the secondary. Someone like Clinton-Dix who can actually tackle should help.

15. Pittsburgh - Timmy Jernigan. I think Jernigan has All-Pro potential at DT.

16. Dallas - Louis Nix. The Cowboys needs a run stuffer who can take on two linemen. Irish Chocolate can do both.

17. Baltimore - Marqise Lee. Flacco needs more weapons to throw to and Lee is good enough to start right away.

18. New York Jets - Eric Ebron. Scouts love this North Carolina tight end and I know he is good but I think this will be the first reach pick in the draft.

19. Miami - CJ Mosley. Inside linebackers tend to be hit or miss in the first round. Dolphins hope Mosley fills a need.

20. Arizona - Aaron Donald. A little undersized Donald has the motor to succeed in the NFL at defensive tackle.

21. Green Bay - Justin Gilbert. The first corner to come off the board.

22. Philadelphia - Darqueze Dennard. The Eagles need help in the secondary. This Michigan State product brings swagger to the back end.

23. Kansas City - Kony Ealy. The Chiefs could use another pass-rusher and the Mizzou product has an ability to put pressure on the QB.

24. Cincinnati - Ra'Shede Hageman. The Bengals can team up Hageman with Geno Atkins to make a lethal combo inside.

25. San Diego - Jason Verrett. Chargers defense needs corners bad and Verrett is the best leftover. 

26. Cleveland - Cyrus Kouandijo. The Browns will be looking to protect Bridgewater or whomever they trade up and get.

27. New Orleans - Stephon Tuitt. The Saints are looking for players who can make their secondary look better. Well a pass rusher can help alleviate some of the pressure on the secondary by getting to the QB.

28. Carolina - David Yankey. Cam Newton needs better protection. Yankey can play either tackle or guard.

29. New England - Jace Amaro. Patriots need help at tight end and Amaro is the best one available.

30. San Francisco - Odell Beckham. 49ers are looking for long term answers at wide out.

31. Denver - Dee Ford. We all saw how poorly the Broncos did getting to the QB in the SuperBowl. 

32. Seattle - Antonio Richardson. This Vols left tackle will help protect RussellMania.

Farewell to The Captain #2 Shirts and Hoodies Now Available!

As you know I'm not the biggest Yankees fan in the world.  In fact I've loathed them since conception. But I sure as hell respect Derek Jeter for his career both on and off the field.  The guy got more top quality ass (talking legit 10's not 7's) than any player in any sport and he's done it right by not getting tied down with one chick.  He's waiting till after his playing days are over to get hitched.  Gotta respect the game from Jeter.  You also gotta respect these awesome The Captain shirts and hoodies.  Admit you love them!

Get these classic "The Captain" Farewell t-shirts and hoodies today!  Don't be a dick...show your love for the biracial angel!

TJ Oshie Scores on 4 of 6 Shootout Goals To Beat Russia!

In what was the best hockey game I've watched from start to finish USA's TJ Oshie became an American Fucking Legend with 4 shootout goals to beat Russia 3-2 this morning.  In a back and forth spirited game in Sochi in front of Putin the Americans showed their resiliency by never backing down and sacrificing limbs by blocking a tremendous amount of shots from Russian stars Ilya Kovalchuk and Alexander Ovechkin.



Oshie will forever live in hockey folklore with his clutch shootout goals.  International rules allow teams to send out the same shooter if they want and Oshie got the call today.  Silky smooth with calm hands Oshie showed why he was the pick to click by delivering in front of a hostile Russian crowd.  Speaking of delivering check out Oshie's wife Lauren.  Oshie is already a legend off the ice apparently.

Almost forgot what it was like going out on a Saturday night 🙆 @OSH74 pic.twitter.com/EU42dM8VZA

— lauren cosgrove (@laurencosgrove3) January 13, 2014

SportsCrack's New St. Patrick's Day Drink Like A Champion Today Shirt and Hoodie Are a Must Have

Before you know it St. Paddy's will be here and you don't want to be the only chump without the perfect Irish Green Drink Like A Champion Today Shamrock Shirt.  And just in case it's too cold for you we came out with an Irish Green Hoodie version of it.  These Drink Like A Champion St. Patrick's Day shirts also make the perfect gift for any husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, soul mate, drinking mate, etc.  No excuses just get one today!

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According to The Onion The Sochi Olympic Village is One Giant Orgy Where Athletes Live, Train, and Fuck Each Other

Olympic Village Tour: See Where The Athletes Live, Train And Fuck Each Other

Admit it that you thought Russia was as cold hearted as Putin's puckered asshole.  Now we see it's just one giant fuckfest in Sochi according to The Onion.  Poor Lolo Jones must be as nervous as a virgin in a prison rodeo.

Jon Stewart Dives Into The Whole Michael Sam Coming Out of the Closet Story

The Daily Show
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,The Daily Show on Facebook

I honestly think the best part of Missouri's defensive end Michael Sam coming out and stating he is gay before the NFL Draft is the media's desperate attempt to make it a bigger story than what it actually is.  The media is searching frantically to find any NFL player or executive or fan or sports figure who doesn't agree with Sam's lifestyle so they can show us that the American public is still intolerant of gay people.  And so far they haven't come up with shit.  You know why?  Because it's 2014 and nobody gives a shit if you are gay.  In sports the two things that matters is if you are good enough to play and are you going to help my team win.  And it's obvious Sam, the SEC defensive player of the year, is really good at football and helped Mizzou to their best season ever.  So nobody gives a shit if Sam is gay except the media or someone else trying to push a certain agenda.  God bless Michael Sam for coming out and God Bless America!

Blake Griffin With Back-to-Back Windmill Dunks

Dominique Wilkins nods in approval.

USC Celebrates After Signing Adoree' Jackson

This video just shows how the once mighty powerhouse USC Trojans have fallen to the wayside in the PAC-12.  Yes getting Adoree' Jackson is a huge pickup.  Jackson is the #1 prospect in California after all.   But the fact that the Trojans staff are celebrating like school children and giving high fives while shouting "LET'S GO!" in what should have been a formality signing is sad and kind of pathetic.  He's a 5'9 defensive back.  Chances of Adoree' personally winning you some games is slim at that position.  But kudos goes to new coach Steve Sarkisian and the Trojans staff in securing Jackson who should help immediately for the 5th or 6th best team in the PAC-12.

One of the Worst Officiating Calls Ever: Kyle Lowry Called For Offensive and Technical Fouls on Fade Away 3-Point Shot

Seriously what the fuck was the ref looking at?  Did he think Toronto Raptor's Kyle Lowry was trying to trip up the defender?  It just makes no sense why he would be called for an offensive foul and then to top it off he gets a technical for running away and not arguing it.  The NBA is fucking terrible.  It's all flopping and bull shit calls like this.

Also it's baffling how the head coach, the player, and his teammates didn't go ape shit when this call was made.  It just goes to show you they care more about the zeroes in their paycheck then the principle of winning.

Rumor Going Around Phil Knight Wants To Turn The Denver Broncos Uniform Into Oregon of the NFL

Via Reddit comes news of Nike's Phil Knight wanting to turn the Denver Broncos uniform into the  Oregon Ducks of the NFL.  I've also heard a good possibility the Broncos new helmet will be made and designed by HydroGraphics who do the Oregon and Notre Dame helmets.

Anyways to make this post actually worth your time reading it, I too saw the rumors yesterday about your team possibly being in the market for new uniforms. I called up my buddy and asked him if there was any truth to the rumors. Here's what he had to say:

Yes, you are getting new uniforms

This has been in the making since Nike took over

Until this past Sunday's events, Orange was to be the primary

Orange is no longer the primary as of Monday morning and Nike has been green lit to test a new color scheme

The Uniforms have a deadline of the 2015 Draft

This is the longest uniform project Nike has ever undertaken, and just like in 97 the Broncos will be given a template completely unique to them, not even Oregon will have this template for a couple years

A new logo is in the works

Phil Knight wants the Broncos to become the Oregon of the NFL. The team holds a special place in his heart as the first football team to let Nike have complete control over a design.

So there you have it Denver. Official news should come out around the beginning of next season. Nike is going to hype up this reveal big time.

EDIT: This is starting to get big time attention so I've deleted my source from this post to protect him. He assures me nothing I've shared violates his NDA, as I have revealed no official colors, themes, or uniform features.

Personally I love the idea.  I wish my Atlanta Falcons were doing something like this.  What do you think about new uniforms only for the Denver Broncos next season?

Marshawn Lynch's SuperBowl Parade Included a Fan's Fireball Whiskey

Now that is what we call "Beast Mode."  If Seattle Seahawks RB Marshawn Lynch wants his Fireball Whiskey then you sure as hell better give it to him.  Cops estimated over 700,000 people showed up for the victory parade yesterday in Seattle and Marshawn with all of his infinite talents spotted the one dude who had Fireball in the crowd.  Moving duck boat be damned if Marshawn wants his Fireball then Marshawn is going to get it.

Via LarryBrownSports

Not Sure Why This Carl's Jr Big Sausage Breakfast SuperBowl Commercial Was Banned

Who doesn't love sausage?  I guess those prudes who run network TV is the answer.

National Signing Day Special #GoldenArmy14 Shirts Only $6

Get the one and only #GoldenArmy14 shirt for only $6.  It comes in both a cotton version and a performance gym shirt.  Also all Tailgate Like A Champion shirts are $6 too.

Jared Lorenzen aka The Pillsbury Throwboy Still Has His Scrambling Ability

Holy blast from the past.  We all remember portly Jared Lorenzen from his playing days at Kentucky where he threw for over 10,000 yards and 78 touchdowns during his illustrious college career but I had no clue this guy was even alive let alone playing "professional" football.

The highlight above is from this past weekend with the Northern Kentucky River Monsters.  Lorenzen is now 320 pounds of gridiron God of donuts but still has his patented scrambling eggs of moves with him.  The Pillsbury Throwboy as he is affectionally called can still hot dog it on the field despite his little T-Rex arms.  I'm impressed.  And hungry.

Via BarStoolSports

Naked Seahawks Fan Shows His Legion of Boom on Live Seattle TV News

Not even going to lie...if one of my teams won a championship I would have my cock and balls  flopping out everywhere.  Just straight cockslapping reporters on live air if it actually happened.  Fortunately for you none of my favorite teams are that close to a championship.

Still waiting for some female nudie Seahawks shots.  Make it happen Seattle.

Richard Sherman's 30/30 Mockumentary By Frank Caliendo Was Hysterical

Comedian Frank Caliendo nailed every single impersonation in this Richard Sherman mockumentary.  The impersonations of Jon Gruden and Jim Harbaugh are comedy gold.  I could feel tears forming.  Chris Berman waving his hands and muttering like he has a peanut butter sandwich in his mouth is spot on.  George Bush's "Dijon" Sanders is also a favorite.  Shit this whole sketch is classic.  Caliendo brought his 98 mph heat with a back breaking curveball to this one.

Speaking of heat how about you do yourself a favor and get the shirt that's turned into rock star status now that the Seahawks have captured their first Super Bowl: Russell Mania.

Wing Bowl 22 in Philly Was Full of Fights

Philadelphia had it's annual Wing Bowl yesterday and if you have ever wondered what an insane asylum would look like without security or medication then here you go.  Just a bunch of wild animals going crazy.  White trash mucking it up in the stands while contestants below eat chicken wings for a grand prize of $22,000.  The winner was a 120 pound mom of 4 who managed to eat a staggering World Record of 363 wings.  Her kids must be so proud.  Full disclosure the Wing Bowl was 4 times more entertaining than the shitty Super Bowl last night.  What a shitstorm that game was in East Rutherford.

Failed Joe Buck Super Bowl Promo is Spot On

Joe Buck's Failed Super Bowl Promo from Funny Or Die      

You gotta give credit where credit is due: at least Joe Buck can laugh at himself.  Nothing is worse than some pompous a-hole who can't take a joke.

Katie Nolan Slams Rick Reilly for being Rick Reilly

Bravo to Fox Sports 1 Katie Nolan for sticking up for colleague Regis Philbin.  ESPN's Rick Reilly despite enormous odds has somehow managed to make himself look like an even bigger douche bag by slamming TV icon Philbin for his work on Fox Sports 1.  Why would he do such a thing?  I have no fucking clue but what I do know is Nolan is moving up quickly on the "SportsCaster" ladder.  Combining good looks with smarts and a voice that is neither annoying or whiny while clearly presentable is going to do wonders for Nolan.  In other words we are huge fans of her.

TV Azteca Host Mariana Gonzalez Crushed Super Bowl Media Day With See-Through Dress

Amo mi trabajo! #MediaDay #SuperBowlXLVIII pic.twitter.com/hiWtw8YoBV
— Mariana Gonzalez (@marianagzze) January 28, 2014

Sorry Erin Andrews.  Mariana Gonzalez just threw down the gauntlet with this white see-through dress.  Game.  Set.  Match.

By the way if you look closely you can see Jay Glazer jacking it to Mariana in the background.  True story.  Oh wait that's just me.  Carry on.

This Brings Back Some Memories: Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Cover GIF

Before the internet was around there were two things for adolescent boys to look forward to getting in the mail: Victoria Secret's catalog and the SI Swimsuit Edition.  They both had the hottest super models in there.  From SpankBank material with Elle MacPherson, Stephanie Seymour, and Kathy Ireland among others just showing off enough skin to let a young boy's mind race to what could be.  These days kids have it so easy.  Anyways this Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Cover GIF is basically a jerkoff time machine.  So many memories.

Via BarStoolSports

The NFL Bad Lip Reading is Back and it's Hilarious

I know I sound like a school girl but these NFL Bad Lip Reading videos make me giggle.  They probably didn't have enough time but it would have great if they had Richard Sherman's meltdown on there.  Nevertheless it's a great job.