Key & Peele Football Pre-Game Pump-Up Routine Video Will Get You Hyped For Another Season

73 more days till football is back.   "Play the game like it's the last game of your life."

England's "Come On Our Girls!" Soccer Banner is Enticing

If England insists then so be it.

Who am I to argue?

HT: SBNation

Josh Donaldson Sacrifices His Limbs With This Diving Grab into the Toronto Stands

I still am trying to figure out why the Oakland A's traded him to the Blue Jays for a bag of dog shit.

Michigan Coach Jim Harbaugh Goes Off The Map To Add a Zero Star French Canadian Player

Well if Michigan is ever going to catch up with Ohio State in football it will be because their zero star French Canadian player is better than the Buckeye's five star guy.

Listen I'm not here to shit on Jim Harbaugh or this frenchy named Benjamin St-Juste because clearly a shirtless Harbaugh would kick my ass.

I'm just kind of questioning Harbaugh's reasoning on taking a Canadian zero star player at this point.  They already have 18 commits for their class and 4 of those are rated 2 stars.  Basically if you know how to put on your pads you get rated a 2 star.  You can only give out so many scholarships (85 max on current roster) so I'm presuming either Harbaugh has an eye for talent unlike any other or he really thinks his team is going to suck donkey balls in 2015.

Harbaugh is a proven winner and Michigan is a storied football program but I'm starting to think there is a good reason why Michigan has only won one National Championship (split at that) in the past 80 years.  Farewell Michigan.  It was good knowing you.

No it wasn't.

This Mexican Weather Girl Yanet Garcia Will Keep You From Changing the Channel

You know how I know this country is going to hell?

We get Al Roker while Mexico gets Yanet Garcia.

Game.  Set.  Match.

Mexico clearly wins in the game of life when it comes to weather "personalities."

Atlanta Hawks Reveal New Uniforms and of course they Fucking Suck

Listen I'm an Atlanta sports fan so I can say this without hesitation: this is so typical of an Atlanta sports franchise move.  You have the best season in your history (getting swept in this Eastern Conference Finals!) and instead of riding the train in the right direction you pull an U turn and say "fuck it" lets change everything.  Take a look at these jersey abortions...

Atlanta sports are like this.  We just can't have nice things.  We had to add a completely unnecessary neon green to the uniform because some marketing genius thought it was cool.  We will also go ahead and run out GM Danny Ferry (turned around the franchise in less than 2 seasons) because he read out loud a scouting report in private that had "insensitive" remarks about Luol Deng who doesn't even play on the fucking team.

This uniform proves that Atlanta sports are cursed.  Cursed by morons.  Somewhere Maryland Terps officials are laughing out loud at these monstrosities.

Cubs Fan Catches Foul Ball While Holding a Baby and Feeding Him

Somebody needs to give Cubs fan Keith Hartley a contract!

Look at the concentration while Hartley is feeding his seven-month-old son in his left arm and yet manages to bare hand a foul ball while protecting his son from a possible ricochet.  Bravo Keith!  Bravo.

Hartley's catch was later overturned by MLB replay officials and deemed an out since Dodgers Adrian Gonzalez appeared to be ready to make the catch but you can't fault Hartley on this one.  All he is doing is watching a ball come directly towards him.  It's human nature to try to catch the ball and shield your son from it.

Hartley's catch of course went viral and his 15 minutes of fame are extending into today...

A few hundred texts and emails came his way. Interviews on morning shows on WGN-Ch. 9 and WMAQ-Ch. 5 and the “Eric and Kathy” radio show were completed. And appearances on “Inside Edition,” ESPN’s “Waddle and Silvy Show” and Dan Patrick’s radio show were on deck.

“It’s been nonstop,” Hartley said Wednesday morning. “I haven’t gotten much sleep over the course of the evening, but with a new baby, he prepared me for it. Not really a new thing.”

The only thing that would have made this viral video better is if Hartley was wearing a Krush Bryant shirt.   Oh well we can't all be perfect.

New CHINASTY Chicago Hockey Dynasty Shirt

It's kind of hard to imagine but after 10 years of making t-shirts this is our first hockey related shirt.

It's called CHINASTY and it celebrates Chicago's Dynasty of 3 Cups in only 6 years.

ORDER HERE!

SEC Championship Odds Per SI are an Interesting Debate

Sports Illustrated released their odds to win the SEC Championship.  It's always an interesting debate even when it's not the best conference in the nation.  Deep breath SEC Mouth Breathers.  I am only kidding.

It's only interesting in the South.

Alabama 5-2 Until someone knocks them off via miracle aka Auburn 2013 there is no reason not to have the Crimson Tide as the proverbial favorite.

Auburn 15-4 Will Muschamp is going to have their defense playing the greatest it's ever been.  If not they will be fucked because their gimmicky spread offense is not going to be putting up 40 plus points a game.

Georgia 5-1 UGA is consistently the most overrated team in college football when it comes to preseason rankings.  The Dawgs might not have a QB worth a shit but they still got a roster full of NFL talent just ready to be under utilized by Mark Richt.

LSU 8-1  How is it all these teams in the SEC have so much talent but such shit QBs?  Seriously I think LSU has Taco's eskimo brother playing QB this season or whoever was that shitbird who took the field vs ND in the bowl game.

Ole Miss 8-1 I keep telling myself not to fall for this Ole Miss bullshit. I keep telling myself they are still the same God forsaken piss pot program they have always been.  But like a fresh faced 5 star recruit with thousands of dollars pilled up in front of him on a recruiting visit I am starting to think Ole Miss is the place for me.

Tennessee 8-1 Now this is just some kind of funny hick joke right?  I mean nobody actually believes Tennessee, who hasn't been good this century, can win the SEC right?  Someone has been drinking too much of that fine whiskey up there to think Rocky Top is anywhere close to be a top contender.

Arkansas 10-1 No joke I could actually see Arkansas make a run for a SEC Title this year.  They shut out LSU and Ole Miss last season and you know they can run the ball.

Missouri 12-1 Mizzou is the Rodney Dangerfields of the SEC.  They get absolutely no respect even though they are the 2x defending SEC East Champions.  What we have come to learn is the east really is dogshit these days.

Mississippi State 12-1 I can't believe this team was #1 in the country at one point last season.  Fucking Miss State #1 in the nation?  It's so fucking asinine to even think it especially when they lost 3 of their last 4 games and got absolutely throttled by Georgia Tech in the Orange Bowl.

Texas A&M 15-1 Unless Johnny Manziel decides to come back and quit rehab the Aggies are irrelevant.  Yeah they got a good coach and some talented offensive playmakers but unless they got 10 more Myles Garretts on defense they can't stop anybody.

Florida 18-1 Well the good news is Will Muschamp is no longer roaming the sidelines looking for someone to yell at.  Gator fans can also look forward to a cake September schedule.  But once October rolls around expect many, many losses.

South Carolina 25-1 This will be Steve Spurrier's final season and it won't be a pretty one.

Kentucky 75-1 Basketball school.

Vanderbilt 100-1 Nobody gives a shit.

Lebron James Gets Called a "Pussy Ass Bitch" By a Female Warriors Fan

You gotta respect Lebron's reaction to this.  He knows he's got Warriors fans balls, or in this case labia, in the palm of his hand and there is nothing they can do about it except shout vulgarities at him.  The only thing that would have made this video better is if the camera panned to the women and revealed it was one of Lebron's baby mamas.

Now lady do yourself a favor and buy this shirt.  You can't hear me?  Too fucking bad.  Lebron owns your ass and you need to be forgiven.

Lindsey Pelas Running Slow Motion Makes Hump Day Much More Bearable

Those warlocks are lethal.

Texas Softball Girl's Catcher Loves To Throw Elbows at the Plate

Who knew Texas softball could be so rough?

Look I could understand ignoring the first elbow she threw on the girl crossing home plate.  Maybe it was an accident and she didn't realize she was stepping into the runner.  I could fully rationalize it with how uncoordinated females can be at times whether it's putting makeup on in their car while driving or playing catcher.

But the second time?  Holy fuck I would have lost my shit.  Kudos to the base runner for somewhat remaining calm and not knocking the shit out of the catcher.   I would have walked onto the field, even if it was my own daughter who was the catcher, and pulled her out of the game or confronted the umpires and the opposing coach if it was my daughter's team who was on the receiving end.

But in all seriousness if you are Charlie Strong I think you make a few phone calls and signs this chick up as your new starting linebacker.  It couldn't hurt especially with the hurting the Fighting Irish are going to give them on September 5th.

This Nick Chubb Freshman Highlights Video Will Get you Pumped for 2015

Last season as a true freshman Georgia tailback Nick Chubb continued the tradition of Tailback U and replaced suspended Todd Gurley and arguably had the best season for a runningback in the last 8 games.  1547 yards and 14 TDs don't lie.  Could a 2000 yard season be on the docket for Chubb?  It's possible considering UGA and Mark Richt need to ride the Chubb Strong train if they got any legitimate shot at a SEC Title.

Prediction: Chubb runs for 1700 yards nearly breaking Herschel's record.  UGA comes close once again to a SEC Title only to "Georgia" a game against an inferior opponent.

Playboy Model Nasia Jansen is Great at Doing Double Nunchucks

Ok we get it Nasia.  You are really good at flipping nunchucks around like Bruce Lee.  But what we really want to know since you are in a bikini and all is how fast can you make me a sandwich?  Because let's be honest here.  Besides the bedroom activities all we really care about is food and not some silly nunchucks Nasia.

Full disclosure this girl would kick my ass in less than 5 seconds with those nunchucks because the last thing I would be looking at is the actual nunchucks.

Joey Gallo Makes His MLB Debut Tonight and Here is a Little League Picture with Him and Bryce Harper

Way back in the day when me and @Bharper3407 were 8 and 9 years old! #TBT #moundvisit pic.twitter.com/Sgauqhap9P

— Joey Gallo (@JoeyGallo24) January 16, 2014

Joey Gallo makes his MLB debut tonight for the Texas Rangers and the highly ranked prospect has already played with a ballplayer you may have heard of: Bryce Harper.  Yup before they even had as much as a whisker on their balls they were playing Little League together in Las Vegas.

There must be some serious radioactive powers out there in Las Vegas because Kris Bryant is also from the area.  So you got three young guys with all plus plus power coming out of the same area.  Baseball might not be as entertaining as it was during the steroid era but you can't deny the young superstars coming up right now will make it must watch television for the next decade.

Help support SportsCrack by buying this official Krush Bryant Shirt!

So Yeah Family Guy Pretty Much Predicted Bruce Jenner Would Become A Woman

This Family Guy episode went live 6 years before Bruce Jenner revealed he was going to cut off his dick and balls and become Caitlyn.  I can kind of get how Seth McFarlane just throws random jokes at the wall hoping one might stick but he nailed the shit out of this one.  Which makes me wonder if McFarlane had some inside info back then because how in the hell would anyone predict the world's greatest athlete from the 70's would eventually become a female?  It's just too inconceivable.  It's almost as funny as ESPN deciding to give Jenner the Arthur Ashe Award because he decided to become a female.  I'm not exactly sure what is courageous about it but then again I've never wanted to slice off my manhood.  But that's just me and I guess I'm the weirdo now in this beautiful world.  That Kardashian family is the gift that just keeps on giving.

Atlanta Hawks Reveal New Logos

The new primary Atlanta Hawks logo was revealed today and I gotta say they did a great job.  Pictured above you can see it looks classy and sharp in design.  In other words they didn't fuck it up which is saying something considering they are still technically owned by a bunch of knuckle scrappers.

SportsCrack Official Grade on Primary Logo: A

But then the NBA has some stupid ass bylaw where one of the logos has to have a part of the basketball in it so the Hawks unleashed this fecal matter:

It looks like the Heat logo right?  Maybe since they got swept by Lebron and the Cavs they are trying to do some Jedi mind trick on Lebron with this logo thinking he may start passing the ball to them.

SportsCrack Official Grade on Secondary Logo: F

The Malik Zaire Era Begins Video Should Get You Fired UP

September 5th vs Texas can't get here fast enough.  Yes Notre Dame junior quarterback Malik Zaire only has one start under his belt but it was an electrifying one vs LSU in the Music City Bowl.  And to think Zaire basically only played in two games last year (USC and LSU) and he had nearly 200 yards rushing against some talented defenses.  Now imagine what Zaire will do this season for the Fighting Irish with a roster returning every offensive starter except tight end.

The 4 Horsemen 2015 Edition Irish Green Shirt is now available

CLICK HERE TO BUY the 2015 shirt version of the 4 Horsemen.  The ground and pound will be strong with all 4 of these horsemen running wild in 2015.

Order the exclusive 4 Horsemen shirt here.

Krush Bryant Chicago Shirt

This kid maybe just a Cub but he can KRUSH like a man.  Get this exclusive "KRUSH BRYANT" shirt only at SportsCrack.com

ORDER KRUSH BRYANT SHIRT HERE

Malik The Freak Gold Helmet Shirt

Introducing the brand new "Malik The Freak" Gold Helmet Shirt.  This 50/50 preshrunk soft navy shirt has a screen printed metallic gold original SportsCrack design on the front.  This is a limited edition, exclusive t-shirt only available at SportsCrack.com.

Order your Malik The Freak shirt today!

A portion of all sales goes to the American Cancer Society.

Phil Steele's Projected 2015 College Football AP Top 10

College Football guru Phil Steele released his projected AP Top 10 today and if you know anything about college football Steele knows pretty much everything about the sport.  So in other words this is going to be 99% accurate.  But since I'm an asshole I felt I needed to chime in with my thoughts.

1. Ohio State - No argument here.  The Buckeyes are the clear cut #1 team in the country with the majority of their team coming back from a National Title.  They got the best coach in the country (Urban>Nick) and their schedule is the biggest cupcake you will ever see.  Top to bottom only Bama rivals them in terms of overall talent in the nation.

2. TCU - The Horned Frogs got a ton of street cred last year by destroying Ole Miss in the Peach Bowl to complete a one loss season in which they probably should have been included in the playoff if it wasn't for their stupid ass conference commissioner.  With Boykin back along with a great head coach and a chip on their shoulder I expect TCU to make the playoffs this season.

3. Alabama - Bama got gang raped by the Big Ten last year in the playoffs.  Let that sink in for a bit.  The once mighty SEC and their Goliath of a team in Bama got destroyed by Ohio State.  The Big Ten was arguable the worst conference last season yet they owned the SEC in the bowl games.  It doesn't matter now since you know Nick Saban will have the Crimson Tide ready to defend their own SEC Title.  Who will be the QB?

4. Baylor - While we have no legitimate argument for the top 3 here with Baylor is where we see the flaw.  No more Bryce Petty is a big concern.  He's been their offense the past 3 seasons.  Baylor is a finesse team much like Oregon.  I don't necessarily double down on finesse teams when it comes to big boy football.

5. Oregon - Overrated.  They gotta replace Heisman Trophy winner Marcus Mariota, their left tackle, and defensive standouts on all three levels.  They should be ranked around 10 but the pollsters will only see the fact they were in the national championship game last year.

6. Michigan St - Believe it or not Sparty might be a tad underrated even at 6.  Connor Cook is back at QB and should put up Heisman Trophy numbers as a senior.  They get Oregon at home and should be the only team who can beat Ohio State this year in the Big Ten.

7. USC - Although I'm a self admitted USC hater I would have no problem with USC this high if Pete Carroll was still coaching them.  The problem is Steve Sarkisian is on the sidelines and he's good for at least 3 losses.  The Trojans have a ton of returning talent but still gotta replace their best offensive and defensive player from last season.

8. Florida State - Getting Everett Golson to transfer in is a huge addition for the Seminoles.  When Golson is on he's a top 10 QB in the nation.  The problem is he turns the ball over a ton.  I think having FSU this high this early is a bit premature since they are replacing the majority of their starters and they are really young at a lot of positions.  But I wouldn't be shocked to see FSU in the playoffs this year despite the roster turnover because they have a ton of elite talent waiting to take over.

9. Auburn - This is clearly the Will Muschamp effect because Auburn looked terrible in the 2nd half of last season.  Malzahn will have the offense rolling but can Muschamp turn around a defense in one season?  It's possible but I think the Tigers should be more in the 15-25 range.

10. Georgia - Year in and year out Mark Richt and his team have proven to be consistently overrated going into the season.  This year might not be any different if they can't find a QB.  With Golson picking FSU the Dawgs need to put in all of their chips for Braxton Miller.  It's a huge gamble considering Miller's shoulder is still not even close to 100% but do you really want to see Brice Ramsey fucking up what could potentially be a great UGA season?

Female Anchor Wishing Everyone a Happy "Dry Hump Day"

You gotta love the guy on the left.  His reaction once her words "Dry Hump Day" went from his brain and finally traveled down to his other head was "OH!"  Yes indeed.

Everett Golson Transferring from Notre Dame

Just when you think Notre Dame Football could finally avoid a major distraction in the offseason they throw you a curveball.  Although not a complete shock news broke today that starting QB Everett Golson will indeed transfer out of the program and finish his collegiate playing career somewhere else.

Golson released a statement on his transfer to Bruce Feldman of Fox Sports....

Everett Golson informed Brian Kelly Thursday morning that he is transferring out of Notre Dame. Golson explained his decision to FOX Sports Thursday in a statement. 

"After much thought, prayer and discussion with my family, I have decided that it is in my best interest to graduate from Notre Dame and transfer to another school effective immediately," Golson said.

"I would like to thank everyone at Notre Dame for the opportunity to compete at the highest level of college football, but most importantly to obtain my degree from one of the finest universities in the country. To all the Fighting Irish fans I want to thank you for your support over the past four years and let you know I truly love Notre Dame! To my former teammates, who I will miss tremendously, I wish much success in the future and will be your biggest fan from afar.

"I will have no further comment at this time and ask that you respect my time as I figure out this life changing moment. God has a plan for each of us and I ask for your prayers as I move forward in this new journey in my life!"

Well it's obvious I hate to see Golson leave I must admit I'm very excited to see Malik Zaire at QB.  Zaire is basically a left handed version of Golson but he's quicker and doesn't quite have the touch on intermediate passes like Golson does.  Zaire looked outstanding in his one spot start vs LSU in the Music City Bowl.  With 18 of 21 starters back Notre Dame should be a top 10 team.

Rumors of where Golson could end up at include but are not limited to LSU, Texas, South Carolina and Florida.

Floyd Mayweather Punch-Out

I'm still not sure why anybody is pissed the Floyd Mayweather-PacMan fight on Saturday night was boring?  Have you not seen the first 47 "fights" MoneyMan participated in?  Mayweather may be undefeated and the ultimate bad guy but he is the most boring boxer I can ever remember watching.  I'm not saying he's a shitty boxer.  In fact he's a great tactical boxer.  He doesn't get hit and he lands a very high percentage of jabs.  The problem is he doesn't want to knock out guys because he doesn't have to.  He just wants to rack up the points and collect his $150 million.  If you paid $100 to watch the shitshow I don't feel bad for you.  You knew going in this was an overhyped, overpriced fight featuring two guys way past their prime.  In the end all you did was solidify Mayweather and his bankroll.

2015 Final NFL Mock Draft

1. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Jameis Winston, QB, Florida State  
   
   Forget about the rape and stealing crabs and shouting obscene vulgarities towards women because obviously the Bucs have and are willing to wager their franchise on Jameis.  Winston is the best QB in this draft.  I believe that.  He's either going to be the next Ben Roethlisberger or Jamarcus Russell.
2. Tennessee Titans – Marcus Mariota, QB, Oregon
   The Flyin' Hawaiian is a saint on and off the field but does he have the leadership skills to be an effective NFL QB?  I look at Mariota and see a system QB.  Seriously when was the last time an Oregon player made an impact at the next level?  Keep thinking.
3. Jacksonville Jaguars – Amari Cooper, WR, AlabamaThe Jaguars want to surround QB Blake Bortles with the most weapons in the NFL.  It's why they are going to do the dumb thing and pass on a bigger need on defense and take the best WR in the class.   Cooper may become a stud but WR don't win you many football games.
4. Oakland Raiders – Leonard Williams, DT, USCI was tempted to have the Raiders select another WR in Kevin White here because as you know they are the Raiders and they almost always pick the fast, shiny new object.  But instead I got them going with one of the safer picks in the draft in Williams.  He's a Raiders fan and he's from USC.  A match made in hell.  The Raiders hit a HR last year with Khalil Mack by the way.
5. Washington – Dante Fowler Jr., OLB, FloridaIf Fowler falls this far the Redskins got the steal of the draft even if it's a top 5 pick.  Fowler is the best player in this draft in my opinion.  I think he makes an immediate impact like Khalil Mack made last year for the Raiders.
6. New York Jets – Randy Gregory, OLB, NebraskaI want to see the Jets draft Gregory just because he is the biggest enigma in the draft.  The Jets love to cause controversy and a lot of scouts think Gregory might be the best talent in this draft but he's got the most unsavory reputation off the field.  What better place for him to mature then under the bright lights of the Big Apple?
7. Chicago Bears – Shane Ray, OLB, MissouriThe Bears need pass rushers.  Shit they need a lot of things.  Ray despite the marijuana arrest can get to the QB.  I see a lot of mocks having him drop out of the 1st because of marijuana.  It's crazy talk.  If Jameis can rape and steal and still go #1 overall there is no reason to think Ray's stock has fallen because of a little weed.
8. Atlanta Falcons – Todd Gurley, RB, GeorgiaFalcons fans are going to either laugh or cry at this pick because the Falcons have much bigger needs than RB but you still have to remember that Thomas Dimitroff has a seat in the draft room.  Gurley without the knee injury would have been a top 5 pick even though RBs are considered interchangeable in today's NFL.  He's the best talent to come out at that position since Adrian Peterson was beating the shit out of his kid.  And as a Falcons fan I want to see this pick be made because it would be so polarizing to the whole fan base.  One side would love it because he went to UGA while another would lose their shit because the Falcons need help on the defensive side of the ball especially in the front 7.
9. New York Giants – Brandon Scherff, OT, IowaNot much to say here other than the Giants need someone to protect Eli.  Scherff seems to be graded the best in a weak class of tackles.
10. St. Louis Rams – Kevin White, WR, West VirginiaThe Rams love wide outs from Morgantown and I must admit I like Kevin White a lot.  And other than that the Rams suck donkey dick so this pick will help seal a top 5 pick for next year before they move to Los Angeles.
11. Minnesota Vikings –  DeVante Parker, WR, Louisville Teddy Bridgewater gets back his favorite target from college.  I like Bridgewater's game and I think Parker will be an excellent player in the NFL.
12. Cleveland Browns – Vic Beasley, OLB, ClemsonThe Browns are trying to trade up to get the next great NFL QB failure in Mariota but if they don't I got them taking the work out wonder from Clemson.
13. New Orleans Saints – Trae Waynes, CB, Michigan StateThe Saints need help at corner and Waynes seems to be the safest bet here.  Gotta hand it to Sparty they know how to produce corners.
14. Miami Dolphins – Marcus Peters, CB, Washington The Dolphins would love to get another WR target for Ryan Tannehill and could go with one of the many second tier college ones but instead decide to go defense.  With the Suh signing you might as well make sure you got someone who can cover since the front 4 should be stout.
15. San Francisco 49ers – Arik Armstead, DE, OregonThe 49ers would love to team up Armstead on the opposite side of Aldon Smith.  They get their wish granted.
16. Houston Texans – Bud Dupree, OLB, Kentucky When in doubt go defense with speed.  Dupree could be a steal here for the Texans who continue to load up on that side of the ball.
17. San Diego Chargers – Andrus Peat, OT, StanfordThe Chargers might be taking a QB here if they trade away Philip Rivers as rumored.  If they don't I got them taking someone who can protect Rivers on either one of his sides.
18. Kansas City Chiefs – La’el Collins, OG, LSUYes this guy might have had something to do with murdering his pregnant ex-girlfriend but boy oh boy can he block.  He's worth the PR nightmare.
19. Cleveland Browns (from Buffalo) –  Dorial Green-Beckham, WR, Missouri 
    The Browns have to make this pick.  DGB needs to be partying with Johnny Football and Josh Gordon.  This must happen.  It's so Cleveland it hurts.
20. Philadelphia Eagles – Danny Shelton, DT, WashingtonI was awfully tempted to have Chip Kelly take Melvin Gordon here.  But the Eagles have gone so far off the radar this offseason I think they actually might make a prudent decision for once and take the big DT from Washington.  "Why would they do that?" you ask...I have no fucking clue but I gotta respect the mad genius that is Chip Kelly.
21. Cincinnati Bengals – Cameron Erving, C, Florida StateWith no pass rushers on their board left they go with the next safe bet: protect Andy Dalton's ginger soulless ass.  Erving will work.
22. Pittsburgh Steelers – Kevin Johnson, CB, Wake ForestThe Steelers need secondary help.  And I guess this guy from Wake Forest can help.  Honestly I have no clue who this guy is but I saw he is highly rated so there you go.
23. Detroit Lions – Malcolm Brown, DT, TexasThe Lions lost Suh and Fairley and need interior help to team up with new addition Haloti Ngata.  Brown is the best DT left on the board at this point although I could see them taking undersized Eddie Goldman here.
24. Arizona Cardinals – Melvin Gordon, RB, WisconsinI know you don't take RBs in the first round but the Cardinals don't have shit at that position.  Gordon is probably a product of his college system but the fucker ran for like a million yards last year for Wisconsin and so far has graded out well through all the workouts.  In other words he is worth the risk here.
25. Carolina Panthers – Ereck Flowers, OT, MiamiIt's either going to be Flowers or D.J Humphries here to help protect Cam Newton.  I did the educational thing and flipped a coin.  It landed on Flowers.  Congrats Carolina.
26. Baltimore Ravens – Ronald Darby, CB, FSUThe Ravens hit on their picks like 90% of the time so watch out for Darby.  He will probably turn into the next Darrelle Revis.
27. Dallas Cowboys – Eddie Goldman, DT, FSUWhat is wrong with me?  Another Criminole gets picked.  The Cowgirls get a guy who can plug the middle while also chasing down RBs.
28. Denver Broncos – D.J. Humphries, OT, FloridaHumphries can step in right away and start at right tackle and help protect Peyton Manning for at least one more season.
29. Indianapolis Colts – Landon Collins, S, AlabamaThe Colts need help at safety and despite all the mocks saying Collins won't be a 1st round pick anymore I think they take a chance on yet another Nick Saban defensive back product.
30. Green Bay Packers – Shaq Thompson, OLB, WashingtonI absolutely love this pick.  Thompson could be the best defensive player not named Dante Fowler in this draft.  He's still raw but the guy is a play maker.  Reminds me a lot of Anthony Barr when he came out last year out of UCLA.
31. New Orleans Saints (from Seattle) – Eric Kendricks, ILB, UCLAThe Saints are a train wreck right now so they need a leader for the middle of their defense.  Kendricks can help provide that if the Saints decide to go defense instead of another target for Drew Brees.
32. New England Patriots – Eli Harold, OLB, VirginiaThe Patriots will probably trade down out of this pick but if they don't they take the best defensive player left on the board.  

Ray Lewis Gives An Emotional Speech About The Baltimore Riots

Ray Lewis is the greatest middle linebacker of all-time and his football speeches are epic.   The former Baltimore Raven delivered a great one this morning to all the idiots out there in Baltimore who are deciding to riot and tear up their great city.  Stop being assholes!  If Ray Lewis can get away with murder (yes "allegedly" but we all know he did it wink wink) than what are you people rioting for?  I was just in Baltimore a month ago.  It was another awesome experience in the Charm City granted it was snowing.  I lived and worked in Baltimore.  I love the Orioles, the crabs, the people, the history and the Inner Harbor.  I even named my son Camden because of the ballpark.  But all of these asshole rioters aren't doing it for Freddie Gray and "justice."  They are breaking shit, stealing shit, and hurting people and local businesses because they are ASSHOLES.  Yes I'm sure some of the cops are probably assholes too but the rioters are just a bunch of herd mentality retards.  And if you are going to be an asshole or a retard at least be a funny one.  They are not.  Instead they have caused two postponements of Orioles games including tonight's affair with the Chicago White Sox which was suppose to be nationally televised on MLB TV.  Now I can't watch one of my favorite players in Jeff Samardzija hurl against my Orioles because a bunch of assholes are mad at the cops.  And the even shittier part is there were some peaceful protests in Baltimore but now it's all being overshadowed because of these assholes who want to break shit and cause anarchy.  Go home.  Drink some Colt 45.  Calm the fuck down so I can get on my life by watching the Orioles win another AL East crown.

Oh yeah and don't piss off Ray Lewis anymore.  You don't want to see Ray mad.

Patriots Head Coach Bill Belichick Has Found His New Tight End: Chrissy Teigen

Bill Belichick is practically burning a hole into swimsuit model Chrissy Teigen's dress.  Good lord old man settle down.  Such a creeper move but also an ultimate power move by Belichick that I can't help but respect it.  Yeah he may have coached his team to 4 Super Bowl rings but he knows the most valuable tight end on that stage is not Gronk.  It's right there in front of him.  Pulling him in like a black hole in outer space.

Inside Amy Schumer's Parody of Friday Night Lights is Hilarious

Clear eyes, full hearts, don't rape.

I just finished Netflix binging the whole "Friday Night Lights" series last week so this particular "Inside Amy Schumer" Football Town Nights spoke volumes to me.  It hit me like the Steubenville HS Football rape case but in a non sexual assault covered up by a football obsessed town way.  Rape culture is never funny unless you have a fellow Towson University alum in Schumer doing a spot on Tami Taylor impression with the wine and the spin after sipping a glass.

Cheers to you Schumer!  It's not often you see a real life Cabbage Patch kid make fun of rape culture but she did it.  She really did.

Cubs Fans Know How To Catch a Ball With Their Beer

The Cubs may have not won a World Series since 1908 but don't tell their fans about it.  They are too busy catching foul balls with their suds.  I can't think of anything better than a dirty baseball in my beer and then chugging it like a lunatic.  Actually I can think of a million things but when you have 6 generations of fans who know nothing but losing you can't blame the Bleacher Bums for settling with baseball beer.

Kevin Pillar Climbs The Toronto Outfield Wall To Rob a Homer

I think we found the new Spiderman.  Toronto Blue Jays outfielder Kevin Pillar proves that even white men can jump while robbing a black man, Tampa Bay 2B Tim Beckham, of a home run.  Not bad for a guy I've never heard of before.  Are we sure this isn't Kevin Millar?

Nolan Arenado Makes The MLB Catch Of The Year

Colorado Rockies third baseman Nolan Arenado has won two Gold Gloves in his first two seasons.  Well you can put him down for another.  While running full speed, Arenado sacrificed his body and his career with this incredible catch going into the tarp.  And this wasn't some lightly hitting the tarp action.  This was a full knock-your-shoes off collision between Arenado and the tarp.  He's lucky he didn't break any bones.  With MLB making home plate collisions illegal this is the closest thing we are going to get to NFL type hitting.  Bravo Arenado.

New Spring College Football Preseason Top 25

With most universities having their spring football games completed last week and this week I felt it was time to put out a 2015 Preseason Top 25.  This of course could change drastically with injuries, transfers, coaching changes, suspensions, and incoming freshmen making an impact.  Shit last season we all threw Ohio State in the recycling bin when QB Braxton Miller went down with an injury and they won the whole fucking thing.  So take this top 25 Preseason College Football with a tiny grain of salt...

1. Ohio State 
2. TCU
3. Alabama
4. Oregon
5. Baylor
6. Michigan State
7. Clemson
8. Florida State
9. Notre Dame
10. Georgia Tech
11. Oklahoma
12. Stanford
13. Auburn
14. Arizona
15. LSU
16. Georgia
17. Arizona State
18. Missouri
19. Mississippi
20. Boise State
21. UCLA
22. USC
23. Wisconsin
24. Kansas State
25. Arkansas

Some thoughts: With returning QBs and a lot of depth on both lines of the ball Ohio State and TCU are clearly the top 2 teams in the nation.  They are almost interchangeable but I put the Buckeyes first because of Urban Meyer and because they are the returning champs.  Of course TCU could have won the playoffs last year if the committee got them in but that is another argument.  Honestly the only reason why I have Bama and Oregon so high is because of their recent success.  I think both programs could be due for big let down seasons.  It kills me to put Michigan State so high but other than Ohio State I don't see anybody on their schedule beating them and QB Connor Cook should have a Heisman worthy season.  I got 4 straight ACC teams finishing out the top 10 in Clemson, FSU, Notre Dame and Georgia Tech.  ND returns the most starters while Clemson and FSU return the most talent.  Tech has Justin Thomas back and run an offense that is very hard to game plan against.  I'm not sold on either USC, Georgia, or UCLA as top 10 preseason teams as most prognosticators are.  UGA and UCLA have unproven commodities behind center and USC has Steve Sarkisian as their coach.  Stanford is due to bounce back in a big way.  I could see them winning the PAC 12 and I might regret having them ranked outside of the top 10.  One could also make a case that Arkansas, yes the Razorbacks, might be the best team in the SEC West this year and I got them barely in the top 25.

Tiger Woods Is Full Of Shit, Says a Hand Bone Popped Out but He Fixed It

Come on Eldrick.  We aren't your ex-wife.  You honestly think we are going to believe a bone popped out of your hand and you just "put it back in it's place?"  You must think we work at the local Huddle House.

Tiger shot a 73 yesterday.  He finished The Masters at -5 which is a hell of a lot better than I thought he would going into Augusta.  He did have some incredible vintage Tiger shots that gave you a glimmer of hope he could pull something off.  But he was awful off the tees all weekend.  I think he only hit about 15% of his fairways.

Of course Jordan Spieth stole the show tying a Masters record (and Tiger one of course) finishing at -18 and was the first golfer since Raymond Floyd in 1976 to lead all four rounds.  Spieth is only 21 years old and last year finished 2nd in his first ever appearance in Augusta.  The kid is legit and him and Rory McIlroy could build a classic rivalry for the next 20 plus years.

In other words Tiger may bring in more viewers but the game of golf is in great hands with some young superstars.

Jaylon Smith: Be Afraid Texas, Be Very Afraid

Come September 5th the Texas Longhorns are going to wish they never scheduled a home-and-home series vs Notre Dame.  Junior linebacker Jaylon Smith has been cross training at multiple linebacker spots and has been a raving tackling lunatic during the spring.  The returning All-American linebacker will surely win the Butkus, Bednarik, and whatever other defensive award you can name in 2015 because it's his season to shine.  If you thought Manti Te'o and his imaginary girlfriend was a special story in 2012 just wait for this fall when the Predator comes a knocking.

I want to say I feel bad for Charlie Strong and the whole state of Texas but they know what they are entering at Notre Dame Stadium.  A world of hurt, blood, tears and dreams crushed.  Bevo, it's what's for dinner.

True Detective Has a New Trailer

Listen nothing will beat Woody and Wooderson in the first season of True Detective but this new tease or trailer or what ever the fuck you want to call it looks down right ball tingly.  An all star cast of Rachel McAdams, Vince Vaughn, Colin Farrell, and Taylor Kitsch aka Tim Riggins should belt out some memorable scenes with the premiere on HBO slated for June 21st.  I cancelled my HBO subscription after the first season concluded but now it's time to fire up a free 3 months promo come June just so I can wet my tv viewing whistle.

This Should Be A New Reality Show: Drunk Girl Avoiding Highway Traffic

Good lord lady.  Can you be any more drunk?  You gotta love the dudes who are actually risking their lives on the highway for this black out drunk girl with the hopes of somehow bringing her home and getting her another Bill Cosby special.  The video starts off with her taking a mean piss right in the middle of the highway, pulling up her pants, and then playing chicken while stumbling in her high heels across San Diego traffic at 1:45 am.  If this was some dude or fat chick she would be splattered all over the highway like a Walking Dead zombie.  Instead she got a DUI and will probably have a new reality show.  God bless America and hot drunk chicks.