...I thought this particular spoof advertisement was really funny. Plus I needed the laugh after an organization which will remain nameless has threatened to sue me because I make dick for money and they don't want to be affiliated or even mentioned by Sportscrack.
Oh yeah, the organization is Floppy's R Us. They also make dicks for money and they like to screw with the little guys.
No worries though, their name will never be mentioned again. This I promise.
Via WWTDD via Splash News comes this photo of Olympic hero Michael Phelps walking through LAX airport with his new girlfriend who just happens to be a Las Vegas cocktease...sorry, I meant cocktail waitress. This is what 8 Gold medals will get you kids. Fame, money and STD's. God bless you Phelps.
Just a freshman at Heritage Hall in Oklahoma, Barry Sanders Jr. made varsity and ripped off this 64 yard touchdown run in the Oklahoma Class 2A State Semi-Finals.
We can all pretty much agree that Barry's dad is one of the greatest runningbacks of all-time. Hell, he probably is the best ever. He played on a lot of terrible Detroit Lions teams and yet made them somewhat respectable. That in itself should make him one of the greatest. But I worry about Junior. A lot of people including myself at times are going to expect the kid to be as good or perhaps become better than his dad. It's just not possible. Barry Sr. could do things on the football field only LT and Adrian Peterson could dream of doing.
Unfortunately for all of us the hype around this kid is going to be insane for the next decade. Rivals and Scout websites will be blowing smoke up our asses about how he has better vision than Senior and he is faster. He will be setup with unreal expectations because of his bloodlines. USC coach Pete Carroll will be handing over dead hooker after dead hooker in hopes of enticing Junior into the dark side of South Central. It's going to be sad really.
Pete Carroll will be humming "every single breath you take, every tackle you break, every single day, I will be watching you" as he jerks off to old Naked Gun clips of Nordberg...
To all the people who doubt Florida head coach Urban Meyer would ever leave Gainesville for South Bend please click on this link, pick the Urban Meyer interview on the scroll board, and fast forward it to the 6:30 mark. The interview is from yesterday with Jim Mandich of Sports Radio 560 WQAM.
I think it has become painfully clear that if Charlie Weis doesn't succeed to some level in 2009 (BCS Bowl game is a must especially with their weak schedule) then Urban Meyer will be the head football coach of Notre Dame in 2010. The perfect storm will happen because Tim Tebow will be finishing off his senior season and riding off into the choppy waters of NFL obscurity while Urban takes a deal at Notre Dame with the hopes of gaining a statue and becoming a legend at Notre Dame Stadium like his mentor in Lou Holtz.
Before you kick off your snow boots and enjoy a cold one feel free to join the 2nd annual Sportscrack Bowl Pick Em Contest. Whomever gets the most points at the end of the contest gets their choice of prizes.
Remember that you are only picking the winners of the bowl games and NOT betting against the spread. You will assign a point value to each bowl game in terms of your confidence level. For instance everybody with half a brain knows Florida is going to blow out Oklahoma in the BCS Title game so assign a ton of points to it.
If you have any questions feel free to email me at matt@sportscrack.com.
Beautiful Beer image above courtesy of Andrew Merriam.
Also, to anybody who won our weekly College Football Pick Em contest during the regular season, please email me at the same address and tell me which week you won along with your user name and we will arrange shipping you your free Sportscrack shirt. If you live in Canada then I'm sorry. No shipping across the border eh!
This deal is wrong on so many levels I figured I would let a guy, actually a great writer named Dave O'Brien who covers the Atlanta Braves for the AJC.com, break it down with this comparison in terms of dollars in what Sabathia will get in New York to what future Hall of Famer Greg Maddux made during his entire career....
Just consider, Sabathia will make more during this deal than Greg Maddux, who retired Monday, made during his entire, spectacular 23-year career. Maddux made about $154 million and won 355 games, recording 109 complete games and 3,371 strikeouts in 5,008-1/3 innings and 740 starts.
Sabathia, 28, has 117 career wins and 1,659 innings.
After going 17-10 with 251 strikeouts in 253 innings this season, he would have to average 16.5 wins and 223 innings for the next 15 seasons to match Maddux.
So congratulations go out to the New York Yankees to getting Sabathia. They give him the richest contract ever for a pitcher surpassing Johan Santana's deal from last offseason and now rely on him to get them a World Series ring. This despite pitching nearly 750 innings the past 3 years and his ever growing waist which will break down his body eventually. Oh yeah, they also offered him a deal reportedly worth more than $60 million more than the nearest competitor for Sabathia's services. In a shitty economy. Now that is smart baseball.
I don't know how I missed this the other night. Oh yeah, I don't watch much NBA Basketball or really pay attention to it unless it's playoff time or the Atlanta Hawks are involved. Anyways, my buddy Billy pointed out this clip to me of Boston Celtic's Glen Davis, aka Big Baby, losing it after Kevin Garnett got on to his teammates during the Celtics blow out victory over the Portland Trailblazers on Friday night.
What a pussy! I mean come on man, show some fucking dignity. Davis obviously has some personal issues to deal with and I will admit I have cried numerous times in the past but I had good reasons. Women and Notre Dame football can be really painful to the heart. A teammate bitching you out is no reason to cry. Charlie Weis coming back for a fifth season and/or catching a swift kick in the balls from a girlfriend because you say she looks a little chubby lately are perfectly good reasons to shed tears.
If Sean Avery is going to get suspended for 6 games for a sloppy seconds comment then I think the NBA needs to come down hard on Big Baby. 10 games minimum for crying on the bench. It's only fair since athletes are apparently not allowed to express their feelings.
I think we got a winner here. Christian Bale as John Connor is a perfect match. This film, with the right marketing could do Dark Knight numbers in the box office. If those motorcycles look familiar in the trailer then it's because they bring back memories of Batman's chopper so to speak.
There is no Arnold in this one from what I have heard. He is too busy terminating Prop 8 in California.
The same SNL guy who wrote "Dick in a Box" brings this dandy. Not as good as "Box" but "Jizzed in my Pants" is pretty catchy. If you look closely you will see a cameo by Justin Timberlake in the video. Also good to see Meadow get away from Turtle. This song will more than likely be heard at dance clubs all across the country now. If there are dance clubs still. I have no idea, I don't really go out anymore. My sponsor says it's not "conducive" to a healthy lifestyle. Whatever quitter.
Before his 9 catch, 200 yard, 2 touchdown performance on Monday Night against the Carolina Panthers the only thing Antonio Bryant could catch were pink slips from past employers for being a malcontent. Tonight he turned in a career performance in a losing effort but this catch has to be one of the prettiest catches I have ever seen live on television.
With the Panthers win it opens the door for the Atlanta Falcons to get back into the playoff hunt. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers fall to 9-4 with a trip to the Georgia Dome ahead this Sunday. If the Falcons can win on their homefield (NFC South is 24-2 on their home turf) then they will be tied with the Bucs at 9-5 and have a really good chance of winning out with Minnesota and St. Louis left on the schedule.
It should get interesting. Somewhere Michael Vick weeps.
Let me be not certainly the first but one of many to say the bowl matchups blow. Besides the BCS Title game the one game I am really looking forward to watching is the Poinsettia Bowl. Don't laugh. TCU is #11 in the BCS rankings and has a great defense and we all know Boise State who is #9 in the BCS can play with anybody. It's a shame these two programs got shafted into a bottom tier bowl game when they should be given the chance to play in higher payout one such as the BCS. December 23rd just doesn't sound like a date you want to be playing your bowl game on but whatever, the bowl system is corrupt.
I see for some reason the Gaytors are now 3 point UNDERDOGS to Oklahomo according to Vegas. Actually let me change my reaction. I'm completely shocked Tim Tebow would be considered an underdog in a game where he could tear apart a very suspect Sooners defense in the state of Florida. The Sooners are scoring at will but they have yet to face such an athletic and fast defense that the Gators have.
I would scoop up that 3 points and bet heavily for Florida. I'm sure that line has to change(another fucking month till they play) so if you have confidence in the Gators to beat the shit out of Oklahoma like I do right now then bet now.
I feel bad for the Texas Longhorns today. I also feel bad for Penn State, Utah, Boise State, Texas Tech and yes, even USC. All of these teams should be given a chance to play for a National Championship in a playoff system. It's a shame that two of these teams are undefeated(Utah and Boise State) and all the other ones have one loss but were not deemed worthy enough to play in a title game in which both Florida and Oklahoma have one huge L themselves this season.
What do you guys think about the matchups in the bowls? Are you excited? Could you care less and now look forward to watching the NFL where they actually play for a true champion?
At least the college presidents get off on the BCS games like John C Reilly gets off on customer satisfaction...
355 career wins and a career 3.12 ERA get Greg Maddux into the Hall of Fame as a first ballot. Oh yeah, his WHIP secured the first ballot. Ignore his wins and ERA because they don't matter as much as the stat of WHIP. Maddux was an under appreciated superstar pitcher. A pitching nerd in his own right, he won 4 straight Cy Youngs from 1992-95 for the Cubs and the Braves. He will no doubt go into Cooperstown wearing a Braves hat and will be the first "Atlanta" Brave to do so. Remember Hank played most of his career in Milwaukee. The Mad Dog was also in one of the best Nike commercials ever...
Chicks did the long ball. Stat nerds dig the WHIP.
Since I've somehow managed to go the whole week without mentioning the SEC Championship even though it's the biggest game of the year in college football and it's right down the street from my house I feel the need to give a prediction.
The Florida Gators as you probably know come in extremely hot having ripped off blowout after blowout since the tough loss at home to Ole Miss. The X factor in this game for the Gators is Percy Harvin. Will he play is the question? He has a nagging ankle which could either prevent him from playing or limit his Madden-like moves and acceleration(not likely because he is Superhuman as is Tim Tebow). The Gators are 10 point favorites despite playing an Alabama team which has the better defense.
Defense usually wins championships and with big boy Terrance Cody on the line Bama has been able to control the line of scrimmage. Vegas seems to think it will be a blowout but I don't see it that way. Bama can play tough, hard nosed football and will look to control the clock and the line of scrimmage. They have already dominated one top ten team in the Georgia Dome with Clemson at the beginning of the season. Granted Clemson wound up with Dabo Swinney at the end of the year as their head coach. Now that I think about it Alabama has basically been an integral part of 4 head coaches losing their jobs so far. First Tommy Bowden. After that is was Phil Fulmer. Then Sylvester Croom. And finally last week they somehow managed Auburn into thinking Tommy Tuberville wasn't right for them. Auburn officials are morons by the way. So could this be the last game we see Urban Meyer at Florida with an upset in the making? (My ND heart and soul hope so)
NOPE. Florida wins a close one(so take Bama with the points) to advance to the BCS Title game to face the Oklahoma Sooners who will dismantle Mizzou. Remember people, Tebow always gets what he wants...
For at least the next 9 years of his aging life O.J. Simpson, USC Trojans hero, will spend time in jail giving his best Heisman Trophy stiff arm to many sexual predators who will in turn admire his starfish. O.J., the esteemed wife beater and murderer, finally got caught and in a classic way got the key thrown away by stealing his own shit. It was good knowing you Nordberg but unfortunately your time has come to leave this place called society...
In light of the Juice going to the can so to speak we are going to lower the cost of our O.J. SHIRT TO $10. It only seems right to honor the fallen USC TROJAN hero who no doubt was inspiration for the future Reggie Bush's and Todd Marinovich's of the cardinal and gold. You surely won't be missed Simpson.
Rutger's Jordan Brooks might want to get those dreadlocks cut off. Honestly I don't know why more football players don't make these kind of tackles. Isn't the dreadlocks considered part of the uniform nowadays so it's not a penalty if you grab them?
I once had dreadlocks but then I decided I needed to clean it up because of the excessive dingleberrys.
With Rutgers beating the shit out of Louisville last night it pretty much secured a bowl game for Notre Dame in the lovely Texas Bowl against the Rice Owls. Can't wait to watch that on the NFL Network! And yes, I am scared of Rice.
-The recent trade between the Atlanta Braves and Chicago White Sox has me confused. So the Braves are willing to give up top notch prospects for Javier Vasquez but not Jake Peavy? Vasquez is 33 years old and is on the way down the spiral staircase of his career. He was 12-16 with a 4.67 ERA last season for a pretty good White Sox club. White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen, crazy asshole that he is, stated that Vasquez was simply not a big game pitcher. The Braves need to figure out a plan and stick with it. Trading Tyler Flowers (a catcher who was going to be blocked by Brian McCann but could play first or third) was stupid. You could have gotten more for Flowers. He hit 12 homeruns in 20 games in the Arizona Fall League. He is coming into his own and is young. Vasquez is neither. Now apparently the Braves are willing to offer A.J. Burnett a 5 year contract. Burnett is a really good pitcher but the guy has proven he can't pitch a whole season(with the exception of last year). Getting rid of Mike Hampton was smart but acquiring too high priced question marks in Vasquez and Burnett is neither logical nor frugal. Braves GM Frank Wren is way over his head. Either stick with the youth you have coming up in the next few seasons or go all out. None of this nitpicking shit.
-The St. Louis Cardinals acquired SS Khalil Greene for two relief pitchers according to various reports that I am too lazy to link to right now. If this is true then this is a great buy low trade for the Cardinals. Greene was awful last year for the Padres with the bat but his glove is gold and in 2007 he hit 27 homeruns along with 44 doubles at the cavernous PetCo Park. Getting out of San Diego is just what he needed and I think he will have a good season in St. Louis. He is a free agent after the 2009 season so if he has a really good year he could earn Type A or B status and if the Cardinals lose him they still gain a draft pick. Solid trade for the Cardinals here without much risk. These are the type of trades I wish the Orioles would make. They need a shortstop more than any other MLB club but were not willing to give up young lefty Garrett Olson for Greene. It could come back to bite them in the ass as I doubt Olson will ever have much success in the bigs and Greene would mash at Camden Yards.
-The Giants are close to signing SS Edgar Renteria to a 2 year deal reportedly worth $18.5 million. Curious move here for the Giants. They have a young shortstop in Emmanuel Burriss who looks like he can play. In 95 games last year he held his own during his rookie year and managed a .357 on base percentage. Renteria is of course a former All-Star and could be a great addition. The guy can still play and he needed to get out of Detroit. It could become interesting to see what the Giants do with Burriss now. Trade bait for the Orioles?
-The Red Sox gave AL MVP(haha) Dustin Pedrioa a 6 year, $40.5 million dollar contract extension. Good move by the Red Sox. Pedrioa is still young and will be productive for at least the next 3-4 years and you got him signed to below market value in terms of value.
-Still no movement or much talks in regards to the big free agents. You have to wonder how these players are going to get huge contracts when the economy is doing so bad right now. I know a lot of people talk that it shouldn't effect baseball salaries but honestly how could it not? Less people will be attending the games because they simply can't afford it. This has to drive down salaries. Plus more companies are cutting down advertising budgets and one of the first to go will be ballpark and television ad campaigns. Of course none of this matters to the agents. Agents like Scott Boras will still insist the game has never been stronger in terms of revenue and the ballplayers he represent are better than Babe Ruth and Walter Johnson combined. It's true, he has the 300 page book to prove it statistically.
I'm interested in knowing what you guys think about the transactions so far in the slow Hot Stove season. It should heat up next week as the GM Winter Meetings will be held so hopefully there is more news and substantial rumors to be reported. As always if you are looking for the most up to date news on MLB trades and rumors go to Tim Dierkes MLBTRADERUMORS.COM site. It's better than any site out there including ESPN or SI and it's completely free.
You know after the winter Olympics are over we usually don't hear about the "athletes" unless they get caught soliciting a prostitute or holding up a liquor store. It's good to see US skier Bode Miller getting back to his training regimen using some new tactics such as boxing. You know boxing is great for cardio. Also the masseuses are must for any professional athlete.
And Vagisil is awesome for feminine itching. After all "When you're thinking feminine itch, you're thinking Bode Miller."
Our esteemed colleague over at HotSECPoon wonders if Layla Kiffin is Poon worthy. Even at 8 1/2 months pregnant I would say the best thing Tennessee got out of the hire of Lane Kiffin was the wife Layla. Sure Lane could recruit with the best of them at USC but he will have one hell of a job in the SEC conference competing to get kids up in Knoxville. It ain't no Hollywood. Anyways, check out the video linked below to see how uncomfortable Lane looks when they want to get a picture of his pregnant wife. It's almost like he wants to kill the leering guy who suggests it. More than likely it's the Athletic Director. Check it out and tell me what you think... Blinkx Video: Meet Layla Kiffin, Lane Kiffin's Wife
You know, I could write a novel on my thoughts about this whole "schematic advantage" and the "no excuses" and the "6-6 is just not good enough" comments Charlie Weis made in the past and then completed the order with a delivery of bullshit blowout losses on the side. But I'm not going to do it. It just makes me more mad and the wife and dogs are already getting tired of my constant twitch and cursing at random strangers whenever they smile in delight because I still wear my Notre Dame gear out in public.
Hey, I'm a fan till I die and my loyalty stays strong with my teams. So yesterday when I heard word that Charlie Weis was going to be brought back after compiling the most losses in Notre Dame history in back-to-back seasons with 15 I started to feel a little sick. Maybe they were just buying time for the right coach to be available(Urban Meyer, Urban Meyer, please let it be Urban Meyer!) or saving money for the ludicrous buyout it would have taken to fire him (I thought ND was a good business school?) after giving him a ten year extension during his first fucking season but...oh shit...not feeling well...must stop talking about it....
Why didn't anybody tell me...(throws up more)...that Charlie Weis was full of shit?
"I am really happy to be back in Calgary, I love Canada. I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don't know what that's about. Enjoy the game tonight."
Sean Avery of the Dallas Stars made this wonderful comment in regards to Calgary Flames Dion Phaneuf dating Avery's ex-girlfriend Elisha Cuthbert. The NHL and Gary Bettman went down on Avery yesterday much like Cuthbert used to and suspended him indefinitely for those comments.
Can't a guy speak his mind?
Those Canadians aren't as liberal as I thought they were. Hey, I know, Avery is a dickhead for making those statements to the press but damn, you have to admit it was a pretty good burn on his part. I would have made the same comments about my ex-girlfriends but luckily they have never figured out how to get out of the well. My love never dies ladies.
Now that is entertainment. Sean Avery is going to bring back the NHL game to the mainstream masses with his mouth and Gary Bettman is an idiot for suspending him for the comment. Let the players settle it on the ice. It's hockey Bettman, not some pussy sport like golf or soccer.
Bettman is just jealous of Avery's sloppy seconds...
