How did it take this long to get antiperspirant for your manbags? We got people to the fucking moon 40 years ago but we are just now coming up with a product to get rid of sweaty balls. Our priorities are so whacked these days. Living in Hotlanta means I could use FreshBalls a solid 9 months of the year. My suffering is now over and so can yours. Sweaty Balls are a thing of the past. God bless.
Video HT: HolyTaco
JLH has been playing the sweet, innocent girl for too long. It's time for her to grow up. It looks like she has finally grasped what it takes to make it "big" time in Hollywood: pole dancing. She needs to bring out her inner-Halle Berry and realize she isn't going to be nailing big movie roles without nailing some top notch producers and/or showing a little more skin. Berry took it all off for "Monster Ball" and won an Academy Award. Hewitt is now pole dancing on her show the "Ghost Whisperer" which is just a step to full frontal and an eventual sex tape. Do it for all the kids out there aka middle aged men.
Video HT: TheDailyFix
Buy one or two right now. It will make you feel better. Trust me. Chances of you getting laid are greatly improved while sporting the AFROS.
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Which really means I don't want to talk about it because honestly it hurts too much. She also doesn't want to hear from all the Charlie Weis apologists. Just look at her and enjoy your day...
Picture HT: WWTDD
Fast forward to the :37 second mark. His sentiments were how I felt watching the Notre Dame-Navy game this weekend. "What a bum!"
What is it with the Falcons and Virginia Tech head cases? DeAngelo Hall might be as dumb as Michael Vick. Shut your mouth and play the game the right way. You got cut because you suck balls. It wasn't personal. You sucked then and you still suck now. Your suckiness is all knowing. Hell, the Raiders thought you sucked and released you. You play on the Deadskins now. I'm so happy the Falcons don't have players like DeAngelo on their team anymore. The result is an actual team with winners.
This is a recent photograph of former MLB slugger/roid user Sammy Sosa and his new look: white. He has become the new King of Pop.
2 home losses to Navy the last 3 years will get you canned. I have officially ran out of excuses for Charlie Weis. I've always been a fan of the "give coaches five years to turn around a program" but it's clear as day that Notre Dame Football is just as mediocre as the day Weis took over for Ty Willingham.
From now on ND's athletic director Jack Swarbrick better be burning up the phone lines looking for replacements as soon as the Stanford games final whistle blows. Personally I think the best man for the job is Urban Meyer. Do I think it is realistic to get him? No, not really. He has a great job right now at Florida and will probably win his 3rd National Title in 4 years thus turning the Gators into a dynasty. Why would he want to leave? He wouldn't. So if you can't get the best you have to settle for one of the rest. Any of these coaches would be better than Charlie Weis: Gary Patterson (TCU head coach), Brian Kelly (Cincinnati head coach), Jon Gruden (Super Bowl winning HEAD coach and current MNF announcer), Mark Richt (yes, I said it, he would be a great representative for ND and he can recruit), or Paul Johnson (Georgia Tech head coach).
I've always wanted Weis to succeed because I think he is a good man and I know he busts his ass 24/7 to make Notre Dame football competitive. It's just simply not working. When you have elite Heisman caliber players on your roster (Jimmy Clausen, Golden Tate, and Michael Floyd) and you are still struggling to put points on the board against teams like Navy then you are what you are: over your head. A coach is always measured with wins or losses whether it is right or wrong. And right now the Fighting Irish are 16-20 in their last 3 seasons. Absolutely pathetic. Thanks for the memories Charlie. It's time to bring in a proven winner. Finally.
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I watched the series premiere last night of "The League" on FX Channel and I admit I haven't laughed so hard since I watched the latest "Curb Your Enthusiasm" on Monday night. "The League" is hysterical and worth the time. It comes on tonight on the FX Channel at 10:30, right after "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia." The show follows the lives of friends who are in a fantasy football league together. The cast is great and the writing as far as the pilot goes was outstanding. If you are a fan of Curb or Kenny Powers then I'm pretty sure you will enjoy "The League." Give it a shot tonight. If you don't enjoy it then clearly you are a communist who can't enjoy humor of any kind.
Our newest Sportscrack t-shirt is called "27 Titles Return To Glory" with the "Putting the Nasty Back in Dynasty" on the back. Please note how the 27 and DYNASTY are in pinstripes. We are taking preorders now, shirts will start shipping starting next week.
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Audrina Patridge is on the show. At least I think she is. Honestly I have no fucking clue. I stopped watching MTV when "Beavis and Butthead" was canceled. Any network dumb enough to cancel that show doesn't deserve my attention. Patridge on the other hand does deserve it...
Image HT: WWTDD
Holy Taco went to the Bahamas and boarded the Bud Light Party Cruise with one goal: to pick up girls with lines from the movie "Top Gun." The results varied...
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So this is what I have been doing wrong all these years. I always tend to use lines from "Silence of the Lambs." For some reason girls don't dig the line "it puts the lotion on it's skin or it gets the hose again!" I mean come on, it makes perfect sense ladies. You are on the beach getting sunburned. I'm offering you protection from the harmful UV rays. So just go ahead and get in my windowless van.
The long suffering is over for you Yankees fans out there. Now you can know that when A-Roid makes out with himself in front of the mirror he is doing it as a World Champion. Actually the only two players I feel some what happy for is Derek Jeter, Mariano Rivera and Jorge Posada. Both are homegrown products who never left the Yankees (unlike Andy Pettitte) and remained loyal to Mr. Steinbrenner despite the fact that they brought in douchebags like Mark Teixeira and A-Hole. All is right in the baseball world today. The Yankees bought themselves another World Series. And here I was laughing when they spent over $430 million during the offseason while moving into a $1.3 billion stadium and thought to myself "God I hope they fail miserably again like 2008!" I guess the joke is on me. Mark this down as another win for Wal-Mart.
Her name is Jennifer Cooper Utley and she met Chase at UCLA where they were both attending. Let's just say Chase aka The Greaser hit a home run with this Megan Fox look alike...
"Smells like vagina in here! Smells like fresh vagina in here." Sounds like something Pete Carroll would say to his team before charging the field. In all seriousness I think I watched one of these videos in high school before starting my job as Photo Technician at Eckerd's Drug Store. It basically said sexual harrassment is if an ugly person hits on someone out of their league. No worries for me mate. Working in the photo lab was one of the greatest jobs. I could see everybody's pictures and blow them up to 8x10 if I felt like blackmailing people. We would get naughty pictures of couples, spring break pictures of girls making out, and of course the always entertaining drunk prank pictures. Those were the days back in my beat up Nissan 200SX, making $7 a hour, and not worrying about bills, mortgages, lawyers, STD's. The world was much simpler back then. The Yankees still sucked at baseball and Notre Dame was just starting to suck at football thanks to the transition to Satan, I mean Bob Davie.
But forget about all that. This should cheer us all up right guys?... 
This is actually a brilliant commercial for Reebok on so many levels. The first level is appealing to men of course. We like to look at asses, it's in our DNA. The second level is it appeals to women because no matter what they say all women are jealous of other women with nice rears. It's on par with guys being jealous of Peter North or John Holmes. The third level is as a marketing tool for Reebok. In our ultra conservative minds this type of commercial can be seen as extremely sexual or controversial. Anything that is sexy or controversial usually sells.
With that being said they should have picked Kim Kardashian as the model. Seriously. Everybody in the free world would know what a Reebok Easytone is by now if her rump was selling them.
Via WithLeather via HotClicks
Daddy likey? The New York Post wins the prize for most original cover for this Pedro Martinez as a baby photoshop. I didn't have rooting interest in this game tonight but after seeing this I really hope the Phillies and Pedro stick it to the Yankees tonight. It's too bad the game is on tonight since I'm going to have to miss at least an inning with Modern Family on ABC. No worries since World Series games on FOX take about 5 hours to complete.
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1. FLORIDA GATORS-These eye gouging assholes stay at #1 till somebody comes up and beats their ass. It hasn't happened since September 2008 to Ole Miss and I can't see it happening anytime soon unless Bama plays one hell of a game in Atlanta.
2. TEXAS LONGHORNS-Texas proved me wrong last week by destroying Okie State in Stillwater. They are the real deal and it looks like they will be playing in the BCS Championship if Colt McCoy stays healthy.
3. ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE-They got lucky against Tennessee but had last week off to get their shit together and prepare for LSU this week. It wouldn't shock me if LSU pulled the upset.
4. TCU HORNED FROGS-I am going to suck on their proverbial tit till they lose one. I think of all the teams who are undefeated they could hang best with the top 3. Their defense is outstanding and if they go undefeated I would have no problem seeing them in the BCS Championship game.
5. CINCINNATI BEARCATS-They keep winning. Even without QB Tony Pike their backup, Zach Collaros, has done an excellent job with 7 TD passes and 2 rushing TDs. The path to 12-0 isn't far off especially considering they play in the worst BCS conference but I have this feeling they are going to slip up somewhere whether it be West Virginia or Pitt.
6. IOWA HAWKEYES-The Hawkeyes know how to win some ugly games. They are sitting at 9-0 for the first time ever and have games remaining with Northwestern, Ohio State, and Minnesota. All are very winnable but I have a feeling they will lose in Columbus.
7. BOISE STATE BRONCOS-Remember people that they beat Oregon. They won, not Oregon. How anybody has Oregon ranked ahead of the Broncos needs to have their heads checked. I know Boise State's schedule is about as tough as Georgia's defense but they should not be dropped below the Ducks unless they lose.
8. OREGON DUCKS-I thoroughly enjoyed seeing the Mighty Ducks beat the living piss out of the Trojans and Pete Carroll Saturday night. The Ducks now sit in the driver's seat for the PAC-10 title and Rose Bowl berth. But watch out for a trip to Stanford this week. Could be a huge letdown game.
9. GEORGIA TECH YELLOW JACKETS-Nesbitt and Dwyer are running fools and they will not let the Yellow Jackets lose another ACC game against Wake Forest and Duke. You can pencil them in for the ACC Championship. The question is can they win out and make a BCS Bowl for the first time? My eight ball says "outlook good."
10. PENN STATE NITTANY LIONS-If the JoePa's beat Ohio State this weekend then they have a great chance of winning out and at the very least making a BCS Bowl game at-large. Whoever wins this week will get the invite to the Fiesta Bowl in my opinion.
ON THE OUTSIDE: LSU Tigers, Pittsburgh Panthers, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, USC Trojans, Ohio State Buckeyes, Miami Hurricanes
