For the HELL OF IT: MINKA KELLY
Friday, February 18, 2011
Blake Griffin's First Half Dunks
Blake Griffin is the most exciting player to watch since Lebron James made his debut straight out of high school. I would argue Griffin is bringing back nonchalant fans like myself who haven't really paid too much attention to the NBA since some guy named Michael Jordan was winning rings in Chicago. The video above is from Deadspin and it chronicles every single one of his 140 dunks so far in the NBA.
Oh by the way the rumor is for tomorrow's slam dunk contest in Los Angeles Griffin will be jumping over...get this...a Bentley. With a major celebrity of some sort throwing the pass from inside the car and out the sunroof. If this happens it will be the greatest YouTube dunk in the history of YouTube dunks.
Stan Musial did what in the Navy?
Stan Musial missed a season in his prime in order to suck cock in the Navy? Talk about sucking it up and taking one for your country. Stan the Man is a true American hero.
Video via Hot Clicks
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Operation: Destroy Toomer's Corner
I fucking knew Nick Saban was up to his old tricks. Disgraceful.
I can't help but laugh at Gene Chizik going ape shit. Sorry Auburn fans but this is hilarious.
Miguel Cabrera likes to party
Detroit Tigers first baseman apparently likes the booze a little too much. Cabrera was arrested last night for DUI after registering a staggering 0.26 BAC (.08 is the legal limit) with a bottle of James Buchanan Scotch in his car. The bottle wasn't just sitting there in the backseat when the officer approached Cabrera. He was fucking swigging from it! The officer then told Cabrera to follow his orders and Miggy responded in classic athlete style:" Do you know who I am, you don't know anything about my problems!"
This is Cabrera's second arrest due to alcohol problems. In 2009 he was arrested after getting in a fight with his wife when he was shitfaced smack dab in the middle of the season. Come on Cabrera. Everybody knows you get drunk during the offseason. It's ballplayer 101. Spring Training just started and you get caught doing a Tony Larussa? No doubt his punishment will be Jim Leyland cigarette burns to his forearms.
The Tigers don't need any more distractions from Cabrera. In fact they might want to just unload his alcohol problems on the Atlanta Braves. I'm thinking a Brooks Conrad and Kenshin Kawakami gets it done. Maybe throw in some Maker's Mark and a Pontiac to sweeten the honey pot for Detroit. Sounds fair to me.
Auburn's Toomer's Corner poisoning should piss of ALL college football fans
One of the great things about college football that separates it from the NFL is the traditions each school has. Whether it be Howard's Rock at Clemson or Touchdown Jesus at Notre Dame or The Grove at Ole Miss each one of those certain traditions is dear and very prideful for the alums and fans of those certain schools. It's the traditions that help identify the school and is passed on from generation to generation. Unfortunately some Bammer asshole named "Al from Dadeville" has poisoned and will eventually kill one of Auburn's best traditions: Toomer's Corner.
Toomer's Corner are the majestic live oaks at the intersection of Magnolia and College streets in Auburn, AL. The oaks are over 130 years old and they mark the transition from downtown Auburn to the university campus. They were named after Toomer's Drug Store which has been a landmark for the town. It has become a tradition to roll the massive oaks after a big win for Auburn. Most recently the trees were rolled when Auburn won the BCS National Championship in January. Unfortunately those trees are now poisoned by one deranged fan.
"Al from Dadeville" called into the Paul Finebaum show and laid claim to poisoning the trees with a large quantity of Spike 80DF (tebuthiuron) on January 27th. "Al" who is no doubt deranged claimed he did it in retaliation for the posting of pictures showing Auburn fans rolling Toomer's Corner after the death of Alabama's iconic coach Bear Bryant in 1983 as well as photos of Cam Newton's #2 jersey placed on the Bear Bryant statue during the 2010 season. Auburn officials immediately tested the soil at Toomer's Corner and did find lethal doses of Spike 80DF. Yesterday it was confirmed the oaks could not be saved. They are slowly dying and eventually the tradition that is Toomer's Corner will go with it.
As a college football fan this should really piss you off even if you are not a fan of Auburn. I honestly could not imagine a Trojans fan going to Notre Dame and defacing Touchdown Jesus or torching the grotto. What if a Florida fan went to Sanford Stadium and poisoned UGA and the shrubs? Could you imagine how infuriated you would become if this happened? Rivalries are great for college football but when a fan like "Al" takes it to a poisoning and killing live things level then it has just gone way too far.
This morning "Al from Dadeville" was arrested. His name is Harvey Almorn Updyke, Jr. and you would think this was probably some idiot teenager who did it. Wrong. Harvey is an unemployed 62 year old man. He is being charged with a Class C felony of criminal mischief and if convicted he could serve 1-10 years in prison. A 62 year old man? What a fucking loser.
Harvey has stolen the future memories of the many generations of Auburn fans who would have rolled Toomer's Corner in celebration. In a way he has taken away the identity of the university. Those memories of Toomer's Corner will be gone with the next generation. It's unfortunate a 62 year old redneck like Harvey can poison and destroy those memories. Hopefully with all traditions such as Toomer's Corner something can be done to resuscitate it. Auburn can't let Toomer's Corner disappear because of a Bammer. It must be replaced. Auburn Nation is hurting right now and hopefully the fans and alumni take the high road and don't try to retaliate. Don't be like Harvey. Let the team take out their frustrations at the next Iron Bowl. It's what Toomer's Corner would have wanted.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Brooklyn Decker SI Swimsuit 2011 Video
Yesterday we had the pictures of Brooklyn Decker and today we have the actual video of her. Isn't it crazy to see her in moving form? It's almost like she is real. I got to say she looks a hell of a lot better on the beach then she does in my cellar with electric tape over her mouth. It's amazing how unsexy a sex slave can look these days. They don't make them like they used to.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
An extremely rare soccer post: Wayne Rooney's bicycle kick goal
I've gotten a few shout outs from some SportsCrack heads out there about this unbelievable goal from Wayne Rooney. Not too shabby coming from a bloody Limey such as Rooney. Apparently it was the game winner vs. Manchester City. Awesome. Now wake me up when the World Cup starts.
The Serene Branson Remix Video
Those dickheads at CBS have pulled all the original footage of Serene Branson mucking up her live Grammy report from YouTube so we are left with the one and only "Serene Branson Remix Video." The Shebot was trying to communicate to us and clearly her batteries were dying. Fucking Duracells.
Video via WarmingGlow
Brooklyn Decker Sports Illustrated 2011 photos
I posted these pictures because I need the traffic and I was starting to feel bad for Brooklyn Decker. The girl is obviously hurting for publicity right now.
For more photos go to SI.com
Would Albert Pujols really pull a Lebron?
As you probably know Albert Pujols will be a free agent after the 2011 season. He is the greatest right handed hitter of the past 50 years. Maybe ever. And yes he deserves a shitload of money. But would he really leave the only franchise he has ever played for and a city that absolutely loves him for more money from say the Chicago Cubs?
I hope not.
First and foremost I have no horse in this race. I'm not a St. Louis Cardinals fan. I'm a baseball fan. I have paid money on numerous occasions just to see Pujols play in Turner Field. I love the way he plays the game and I honestly think he is underrated in a way. People still talk about Bonds or A-Rod as being the best player of their generation. Negative. Pujols is by far the best player in baseball. No questions asked. But would the best player in the game pull a Lebron James and ditch the city and fans who have given him nothing but love and admiration for most of his career?
Yes.
Pujols supposedly wants a 10-year deal worth $300 million. He is currently 31 years old so he is already technically past his prime. With PEDs gone from the game (except in Canada) you can no longer expect an aging slugger to hit 40 plus homers in a season in their 35-40 age years like Pujols did in his mid 20's. So is Pujols worth $300 million realistically? Absolutely not. But I do believe he is worth $30 million a season right now. Especially to the Cardinals and their franchise.
Personally I don't want to see Pujols pull a Lebron and ditch St. Louis. I like seeing great players start and finish their careers in one city. The Cardinals are owned by the Busch family. I'm sure they can afford to give Albert what he wants. But Albert and his agent need to be realistic. If he did get a $300 million dollar deal from St. Louis or any team minus the Yankees and Red Sox it would seriously cripple the team's ability to compete by affording other players on the roster. Pujols is a team player from what I have seen. He plays hurt and he has carried a lineup with little protection throughout his entire career in the arch city. But if he really wants this massive deal and is willing to leave St. Louis because they won't give it to him then he is as big of a dick as Lebron.
The solution to all of this is a 5-year deal for $150 million. It's fair for both sides. Pujols deserves $30 million a season and St. Louis should give it to him. But he doesn't deserve anything past 5 years in my opinion. He won't be crushing the ball as much and he will lose significant bat speed by his mid 30's. It's not up for discussion because it's a fact of life. Whether or not Albert is willing to take such a deal is up for discussion. And if he isn't then I would be disappointed because all along it was just about the money.
In a way it would make him worse than Lebron. We will find out by noon tomorrow either way since Pujols set a deadline to make a deal done before shutting it down till after the season. If you thought Cleveland was bad with fans burning Lebron jerseys after he decided to leave for sunny Miami you can only imagine the carnage that would be left behind if Pujols left to sign for the Cubs.
What's it going to be Pujols? Hero or villain? The baseball world awaits.
Irina Shayk is the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Cover Girl
Honestly I don't think I've opened a Swimsuit issue for at least a decade. Shit it might be since high school. I mean what is the point? Since the internet has come around and porn is free I don't get why people want to look at models in swimsuits. But with that ringing endorsement here is 25-year old Russian model Irina Shayk on the cover of SI. She is currently dating soccer player Cristiano Ronaldo. Good for her. If the modeling thing doesn't work out for her then she can always fall back on Ronaldo's money. I mean look at what happened to last year's cover model in Brooklyn Decker. She fell off the face of the planet soon after the cover hit newstands. In fact I'm pretty sure she is blowing dudes for meth as I type this.
With that thought in the back of your head take a look at these Irina videos....
Charlie Sheen talks to the Dan Patrick Show
Charlie Sheen sounds like a guy's guy. He hates AA. I hate AA. He loves blow. I do blow. He smacks around women. I...wait a fucking second. Ok maybe we aren't just alike. I would love to see Sheen recover and get the help he needs. I mean it must totally suck to be such a mess that your everyday activities including sex with porn stars, drugs, alcohol, and making a shitload of money. Poor guy. I sure hope he recovers and finds his higher power.
Oh and by the way if you haven't listened to the Dan Patrick Show you can't call yourself a human being much less a sports fan. Patrick's show is funny as shit and his quick wit makes it easy listening. Plus the guy has made a bigger name for himself since he left the 4 letter network. You can listen to his show at DanPatrick.com. I know it may be hard for some of you drunks to remember so I will say it again. Listen to DanPatrick.com. He is your higher power.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Valentine's Day Special
Valentine's Day Special - watch more funny videos
The second song is perfect. If you are like me you have a friend who is obviously gay yet somehow still got married to cover up the fact he loves to taste the cock. I'm not judging. I just want you to stop putting roofies in my beer when we hang out. Happy Valentine's Day!
FUAUTOCORRECT.COM
Yeah that's not one of those text messages you want to be exchanging with your Mom.
Check out more at FUAUTOCORRECT.com
Sign of the Apocalypse: Idiots spending $119 to get Michael Vick's autograph in Atlanta of all places
This is why Atlanta gets a bad rap as a sports town. Former Atlanta Falcon and puppy killer Michael Vick is still a piece of shit but because he can throw a ball far and run real fast idiots still want to dish out money for his autograph. I love how the lady starts crying. Bitch Michael Vick doesn't give two shits about you. If you were a dog he would piss on you and electrocute you. I also love the guy who tries to rationalize Vick's behavior that landed him in jail. Yep, child rapists and murderers get less jail time than Vick. Yeah that makes a lot of fucking sense. I honestly can't even fathom how big of a fucking loser you have to be to stand in line and pay $119 for Vick's autograph. Also you could tell how much Vick was enjoying meeting his fans. Look at that huge smile on his face. Yes sir he is the people's champion if I have ever seen one.
Pitchers and Catchers report to Spring Training. You know what that means? Yes, time to make fun of Yankees fans.
You may remember Yankees Super fan Michael LaPayower from last season when he did that brilliant Katy Perry remix-style Yankees song. I'm disappointed Michael. First off the choice in music. The "Rocky" theme belongs to the city of Philadelphia. So already you are telling me you are a closet Phillies fan. Second we need to hear more of your voice. It speaks for a generation of Yankees fans out there. You represent them. Show some fucking pride for Jeter and A-Rod and get their numbers tattooed on the small of your back. That's what true Yankees fans do. It's okay though. Spring Training is just starting. I expect you to be in top condition come April though. More videos to show your love for the Yankees. Make my job easier.
Here is the brilliant Yankees Land video from 2010. How this didn't win a Grammy I will never know.
Serene Branson nails her Grammy report
Next time Serene you might want to stop eating the peanut butter sandwiches before you go on-air. Be a little more professional will ya!
Apparently she had a small stroke. I'm calling bull shit. She fucked up with her one chance of reporting a live story. I don't feel bad for Serene. With the dawn of the YouTube era she is going to be more famous than Katie Kouric by next week. Book it!
Speaking of Grammy Awards, why do so many people give a rat's ass about it? Last night it was a bitching fest on Facebook about how so and so didn't win and this person sucked and blah blah. Dude it's fucking music. No respectful musician gives a shit about a Grammy. Milli fucking Vanilli won a Grammy.
In conclusion: award shows are stupid and the people who follow them are probably the same idiots who attend church because they think it will send them to heaven. God bless all of you but I really know all of you are going to hell. Sweet dreams.
Video via BarStoolSports
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