Baseball Porn: Andrelton Simmons Defensive Highlights

As an Atlanta Braves fan I sometimes take what 24-year-old Platinum Glove winner Andrelton Simmons does with his glove for granted.  "Simba" as he is affectionally called has the best glove, the best range, the best arm, and the best instincts by any major leaguer in the game today.  Simmons makes plays look so easy even when they clearly are not and he isn't a flashy me first guy like Yunel Escobar that he sometimes goes unnoticed.  He shouldn't.  Simmons is right up there with "The Wizard" Ozzie Smith for best defensive shortstop that I've ever seen play the game.  His highlights are baseball porn worthy and he's quick as a cat.  Simba is a rare breed who is worth the price of admission just to say you say him play.  Like watching Gretzky take the ice, MJ take the floor, and Montana break the huddle you know something special is going to happen when Simmons puts his Rawlings rawhide on his left hand.

Twins' Chris Colabello Hits HR For Mom on her Birthday

Talk about delivering the perfect birthday present for Mom.  Minnesota Twins' Chris Colabello does not disappoint.  The only problem is now Mom is going to be expecting bigger and better things every year.  Like you can't get anything better than a homer from your son right as the sideline reporter in interviewing you.  It's just not possible.  So next year when he delivers flowers and a kiss or whatever the fuck you give to your Mom on her birthday the look of disappointment in her eyes could be soul crushing.  Colabello might as well just cut his losses and become an Alaskan Ice Trucker.

Mike Trout Steals Bryce Harper's Thunder Once Again With Diving Catch

Ever since Bryce Harper graced the cover of Sports Illustrated at the age of 16 as the next sure fire superstar in making Mike Trout has taken it as his personal goal to steal all the thunder away from the Clown Question bro.  Not only has Trout been the best all-around player in the game without question (don't even fucking argue with me on this because you will make yourself look like a simpleton) his first two seasons and really it's fucking highway robbery he doesn't have two MVP awards to show for it but that is a discussion for another day.  The reason why Trout doesn't get the accolades or notoriety of a Harper is only because Bryce plays on a better team on the east coast.  That's it.  Trout is better at all facets of the game.  Speed, power, fielding, running, hitting, diving, smiling, spitting, farting you name it Trout does it better.  This doesn't make Harper a shitty player by any means.  That's not what the point of this post is.  I'm just saying Trout is like Superman and Harper is like Captain America.  Both are extraordinary but I will take the guy who can fly into fucking outer space over a guy with a shield any day.

Best NBA Bench Reactions

It's like watching black people react to a David Blaine magic trick.  The reaction is always funnier when they are running around in circles screaming and shouting "oh no you didn't!"  Every.  Single.  Time.

University of Arizona Knows How to Throw a Pool Party

I know what you are thinking...I went to the wrong damn school.  And you are right unless you went to Tuscon as an undergrad and enjoyed the epic pool parties.  Tuscon so hot right now.  Tuscon.  Bear Down bitches!

Video via BroBible

Meet ESPN's Newest It Girl: Britt McHenry

Mute the sound and take a gander at Britt McHenry, a new ESPN talent who will be reporting from her "home" base in Washington D.C.



Now before you slam McHenry as just another pretty face who can't do her job correctly keep in mind she has a Masters degree in journalism from one of the top schools in the nation in Northwestern.  Britt was also a fairly successful D1 soccer player in college and has been working her way up the ladder so to speak while working as a sports reporter and anchor at WJCA in Washington.  She temporarily took a job as a sideline reporter for the San Diego Padres but didn't feel the fit was right before going back to D.C.  Now she will be telling us the latest and greatest in regards to RG3, Bryce Harper, and John Wall among other stars in the D.C. Sports Market for ESPN.

She's got the SportsCrack stamp of approval.  I look forward to listening her talk about the Nats getting swept once again by the Braves in the near future.

Alexandria is a Chicago Fan, Looks a little like Kate Upton

If you are bored on this titillating Tuesday feel free to check out pictures of Alexandria Morgan over at The Chive.  She basically looks like a younger, hotter version of Kate Upton.  I'm surprised I didn't get struck by lightning after writing that but it must mean that God agrees because her God given talents are not of this world.  Feel free to follow her on Twitter if that's your stalking thing.

Brian Williams Raps "Gin and Juice"

Thank you Jimmy Fallon interns.  Without all of you this great Brian Williams mash up would not be possible.  Now keep working for FREE because some day you could be making as much as $30k coming out of college.

What Baseball On Acid Looks Like: The Gatorade Bryce Harper Commercial

Holy Panama City flashback time!  I feel like I just took some really high grade acid and just want the trip to stop.  Make it stop!  Bryce Harper is some kind of liquid trail demon mashing balls that turn into his face to the sweet rift of Welcome to the Jungle.  I don't give a shit if you hate Harper this commercial is legit.  No more clown questions bro!

Release the Kimbrel Shirts in Throwback Royal and Navy Now Available

Let's be completely honest here folks.  There is only one pitcher in the last 10 years who has made grown men look like babies swinging a wiffle ball bat.  Kimbrel is the closest thing to unhittable since that day long ago you thought you had a shot at the prom queen.  It's almost a crime on itself for us to have never made this shirt till today.  Now is your chance to #RELEASETHEKIMBREL with this classic Game Over shirt.  Comes in one of either THROWBACK ROYAL or TRADITIONAL NAVY.

This Jameis Winston Pre Spring Game Speech Gave Me Goosebumps

Chills running up and down my spine.  Jameis Winston won a Heisman Trophy and National Championship last season while avoiding those pesky rape charges at FSU because he knows how to articulate his passion for the game of football.  Famous Jameis aka Jaboo is from the sticks of Alabama but you would never know it by listening to him.  Jim Nantz better watch out for his Masters gig.  After Jameis manages to score the first ever negative Wonderlic he's going to use that mouth of his to secure broadcasting jobs after his motivational speech days are over.  I'm not even going to lie I had tears forming listening to Jaboo talk.

P.S- What the fuck did he say?

Bubba Watson Celebrated His Second Masters Win With a Trip to the Waffle House

Bubba Watson won his second Green Jacket in three years yesterday in Augusta but also managed to make a trip that many of us have made in the middle of the night: Waffle House.  At 1:30 AM to be exact.  I'm guessing there was some celebratory drinks before hand.  I know what you are thinking...where is their 2-year-old son who CBS pinned up there like Bubba and his wife were the parents of the year?  Well who do you think drove these drunk bastards and took the picture?  Yup the kid.  He's already pulling his weight in the Watson family.

P.S- I don't care how rich you are.  The Waffle House is still the best place to get a great breakfast.  I get the All-Star Special all the time.  Substitute hashbrowns for the grits, side of bacon, scrambled eggs, wheat toast, and a waffle of course.  Vanilla coke is the go-to drink.  Just made myself hungry talking about it.

Texas Tech Football Has A Dance Off, Head Coach Kliff Kingsbury Steals The Show With His Stanky Leg

Recruiting 101: Learn the stanky leg, do the stanky leg, make the video go viral.  Boom recruits sign on the dotted line.

Texas Tech head coach Kliff Kingsbury is a renegade innovator.  A man's man.  One stanky leg at a time.

Sign of the Apocalypse: The Duke Flop Has Now Infiltrated Boys League Basketball

Thanks Coach K.  Not only do you teach your overrated players how to pull a patented Shane Battier flop anytime someone penetrates the lane but now we got fucking kids taking dives like they play on the Italian National soccer team.  To be completely honest if I was a ref and saw this little punk pull this shit I would not only kick the kid out of the game but also the parents for raising an asshole.  Hey but that's just me.

Charles Barkley Says He Offered Dirk Nowitzki Money To Go To Auburn

Typical SEC scum move.  I love Charles Barkley and his honesty.  Just tells it like it is.  Yeah I offered German wunderkid Dirk Nowitzki a bunch of money to go to Auburn years ago...whatcha going to do about it?  Shit I don't even blame Barkley.  Have you seen Auburn play basketball?  They haven't been close to competitive since the mid-to-late 90's.

40 Years Ago Today: "There's a new home run champion of all time...and it's Henry Aaron"

I don't give a shit how many Barry Bonds hit.  Hank Aaron is still the all-time home run champion.

Good to see Derek Jeter Still Has His Fielding Range

Yeah Jeeeeets!

Oh shit.  He's old.  And slow.  And has the flexibility of a guy who just went through a colonoscopy.  Other than that Derek Jeter looks great.

Go Get Em Kid!

FSU and Notre Dame Joust In Rain Delay Baseball Game

I've always said you can really get to know your fellow teammates during a rain delay.  Last week Notre Dame and FSU had an extended one in Tallahassee and squared off in hijinks to one up one another.  Gotta love the old Catholics vs Criminoles battles.  The only thing it was missing was Jameis sacrificing a young lady in distress.

Riots at UCONN

I don't think I will ever understand the mentality behind rioting after your school or team wins a championship.  Breaking shit to celebrate seems counterproductive but hey that's just me.  Can we get confirmation that Storrs, Connecticut is still a city and not a raging fireball of chaos?

PS - Is the guy shooting this VINE the owner of the car?  Why else would you be like NO NO NO then YES YES YES?  Rioters gonna riot.  The voice sounds identical to a South Park character.

Shabazzketball Destroyed My Bracket, Can Now Eat

"The Hungry Huskies...this is what happens when you ban us!"

Truer words have never been spoken.  Final Four Most Outstanding Player Shabazz Napier is not only a two-time champion for the UCONN Huskies but is now a mouthpiece for the plighted and malnourished student-athlete that the NCAA preys upon.  Poor guy goes to "bed starving" while the rest of college students eat $50 filet mignons and their fancy sides that they find in between their microbrew soaked suede couches.  I feel bad for guys like Napier.  Not only does he get his tuition paid for but he also has to put up with all of his free room and board and books and free tutoring and free five course meals and women and free travel and clothes and future NBA millions while "starving."  It's a hard knock life for Napier and he shows he is true warrior in every fashion.



In conclusion fuck guys like Shabazz Napier.  Not because he is bitching about "starving" but because he completely ruined my bracket.  I had UCONN losing in the first round.  Napier put them on his back and said F that guy and his stupid office bracket.  I gotta eat!

Congrats to UCONN for winning the title.  It was much deserved.  I enjoyed all 45 minutes of the tournament I actually watched. Now we can focus on more important things like baseball and hockey before football finally comes back.