BRIAN KELLY THINKS THE IRISH STINK

I'm sure some if not most of these words spoken today by Brian Kelly will be used to motivate the Notre Dame football team but they are also very telling to the current state of the program. The program has stunk. The players have not been motivated.

Kelly at the very least has the understanding that to strap on the blue and gold on Saturdays is a privilege and something you have to fight for every day in practice. It's not something you are entitled to just because you currently hold a scholarship. Kelly is bringing back fond memories of Lou Holtz. Just listening to him speak makes me want to run through a gauntlet and tackle somebody, anybody wearing the opposite uniform. For the last 15 years Notre Dame football has been uninspired. I'm starting to get that feeling it will all change real quick.

The passion of Notre Dame football has been bottled too long. It's time for Kelly to show the boys how to shake it up and make it explode on game days through perfect practice. I'm a 100% on board and can not wait to see guys like Anthony McDonald, Zeke Motta, Jamoris Slaughter, Danny McCarthy, Manti Te'o, Kapron Lewis-Moore, Ethan Johnson, Darius Fleming and others on the defense to show the opposition what it feels like to experience snot bubbles once you fuck with the Irish.

Go Irish!

Video HT: IrishIllustrated.com

FLIP MURRAY WITH THE CIRCUS SHOT

Sad to say but this might be the most impressive play for the Chicago Bulls since Michael Jordan hit the game winner against the Jazz in the NBA Finals over 12 years ago.

Video HT: HotClicks

TOM VERDUCCI LIKENS THE JASON HEYWARD HYPE TO ALBERT PUJOLS

Just when you think you can't get enough of J-Hey hype this spring none other than Sports Illustrated's Tom Verducci throws some more gasoline on the fire as Heyward is his #1 reason he is looking forward to this MLB season...

“The Braves’ right fielder created the most spring training buzz since Albert Pujols tore up Cardinals camp in 2001. Which would you rather have when it comes to the NL Rookie of the Year Award: Heyward or the field? I’m not taking the field, not even a field that includes Strasburg and Chapman. Heyward seems like a lock for 20 home runs. Not so impressed by that number? The dude is 20 years old. Only 13 players have ever hit 20 homers at or before their age 20 season, and that includes only two 20/20 Club members in the past 31 years: a couple of guys named Ken Griffey Jr. and Alex Rodriguez.Forget the Fred McGriff comparisons; Heyward is far more athletic. Forget the Willie McCovey comparisons; McCovey was only a .270 career hitter. Forget the Willie Stargell comparisons; Stargell never walked even 90 times. Just let Heyward be who he will be, and enjoy a very unique player.”

Just from listening and reading the scouting reports on Heyward I think the player I would compare him to is Frank Thomas. Basically he sounds like the left handed version of The Big Hurt. Big athletic guy who resembles more football player than baseball and who has a great eye for the strike zone. I don't expect Heyward to be a 40 home run a season guy but I think he can be a consistent 25-35 home runs a year with an OBP of .400 plus. Future Hall of Famer in my mind. As Bobby Cox would say: "Go get em Kid!"

KATY PERRY SAYS "AHHHH"

WWTDD has this fascinating picture of Katy Perry saying hello to Tommy Lee. She seems like a nice girl.

THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T BET ON SPORTS

Lesson be learned kids. Once you make a bet on sports you are "going down" a slippery slope....a very dark one. Black to be exact.

ERIN ANDREWS DOES THE FOXTROT

These two just need to stop with the games and just release a sex tape. Seriously. The sexual tension is unreal. If Erin Andrews wants her career to go beyond ESPN she needs to strip down and start doing the horizontal shuffle in between the sheets on camera. It's the American way. You can do it Erin! It's all about making your dreams come true. Or mine. Whatever.

MONDAYS SUCK BUT THIS SHOULD CHEER YOU UP

HAPPY SLAPPY MONDAY! I went 0.0 on my Final Four picks and have absolutely no chance of even finishing in the top 15. Fuck it. We always have boobies!

THIS HOCKEY COACH HAS HULK LIKE TENDENCIES

Isn't it ironic the coach's name is Jim Playfair? With that kind of last name you know he has been getting shit his whole life. It comes with the territory. All those incessant chants from childhood he suppressed and bottled deep down in his soul finally exploded. In other words don't fuck with guys with a last name consisting of FAIR. You might unleash their inner demon. Just saying.

Video HT: Jeff

THE JASON HEYWARD AKA J-HEY KID ERA BEGINS

David O'Brien of the AJC was the first to report today that the Jason Heyward era in Atlanta is officially beginning on April 5th. Let the legend begin...

The date is March 26, 2010 and it’s one to remember. J-Hey Kid made it to the majors.

Jason Heyward was called into manager Bobby Cox’s office about 8:45 a.m. on Friday morning in Braves camp and told he would be on the Opening Day roster.

“I said ‘I’m delighted to tell you that you’re on the team, Jason, simply because it makes us a better team,’” a beaming Cox relayed Friday morning from the Braves dugout.

Heyward will be the Braves starting right fielder on Opening Day. As chipper as Cox sounded, Heyward was just as cool.

“Not surprised, not relieved,” Heyward said when asked for his reaction, after batting practice. “It’s just says ‘Let’s go.’ I’ve got less than a week’s time to get ready for the season.”

“It was cool,” Heyward said. “It was awesome. Never experienced it before. It won’t happen again. It was a great feeling.”

Heyward automatically makes the Braves a much better team on Opening Day. The Braves outfield last season was one of the worst in the majors when it came to offensive production. Jeff Francoeur was a disaster and shipped up to Flushing Toilet New York and Garrett Anderson was at best a streaky hitter playing his final days of his once distinguished career. With Heyward you get the most highly touted and hyped hitter to come up to the majors since A-Rod and Griffey Jr. As a 20 year old the 2009 Minor League Player of the Year will be expected to produce immediately. This is Bobby Cox's farewell season and the whole Braves organization is hoping to send Bobby off in style by making the playoffs. To make the playoffs the Braves will need to score a lot more runs then they did last season and The J-Hey Kid will be a major reason for or against them making it for the first time since 2005.

Either way Opening Day in Atlanta should be exciting. The Lovable Losers come to town in what should be a standing room only crowd at The Ted. The J-Hey Kid Era begins. Now that will put a smile on your face if you are a Bravos fan.

FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES

HT: Kevin

THE RANT WRITER

I never knew this guy wrote the Joe Namath "I wanna kiss you!" rant. I thought Namath was actually drunk that night. Amazing. The writer's name is Charlie Hoard and he might be my hero...

Gamechangers Ep. 1: The Rant Writer from Ty Burrell

JOSH SMITH BRINGS DOWN THE HOUSE

If you don't get chills then you are a fucking ra-tard. Josh Smith just broke the Orlando Magic's back with this slam. The playoffs are right around the corner. J-Smooth and company are going to the Finals. Fuck Lebron. Fuck Dwight Howard. And definitely fuck the Boston Celtics.

URBAN MEYER SEEMS TO BE DOING WELL

So much for Florida head coach Urban Meyer taking some time off to get himself better. Orlando Sentinel beat writer Jeremy Fowler touched a nerve with Meyer when he quoted Gators receiver Deonte Thompson on the differences between Tim Tebow at QB and the new guy, John Brantley:

"You never know with Tim," Thompson said. "You can bolt, you think he's running but he'll come up and pass it to you. You just have to be ready at all times. With Brantley, everything's with rhythm, time. You know what I mean, a real quarterback."

Apparently putting a quote that is more than likely out of context into a newspaper per verbatim is fighting words for Urban. You know what? I kind of like it. Don't get me wrong, Urban is an asshole for calling Fowler a "bad guy." But I believe his players (I was going to say student-athletes but this is big boy football in the SEC and students be damned) and their parents can respect Urban for sticking up and protecting their boys even when there is no evidence of attacking. Players want to play for a guy who has their back. Urban has their back....side. Sorry I couldn't resist the childhood humor.

Is Urban a dick? No doubt.

Is Urban a liar? For sure.

Is Urban a great coach? The best in college football in my opinion.

By the way was it just me or were you hoping Fowler would have a follow up question for Urban to completely blow his gasket. Something condenscending like this: "Urban what does your doctor think about you acting like a complete douchebag in front of the media?"

Here is hoping Fowler is one of the ten people who actually reads this blog and follows up with Urban. This video of Urbie's meltdown is why blogs were created. Thanks Urban!

ERIN ANDREWS ON DANCING WITH THE STARS

Is there any doubt that Maksim Chmerkovskiy has nailed Erin Andrews in every way possible by now? I mean that is the whole reason why you get on the show right? To nail your partner is priority one. Second priority is the fame involved in it. Sex wins. Always.

"Another valuable lesson for the kids. You are welcome."-Tiger Woods

I WONDER WHO TOLD TIM TEBOW TO STFU?

PROFOOTBALLTALK.COM has this great story from the Scouting Combine...

As we've mentioned once or twice, quarterback Tim Tebow's habit of openly expressing his religious beliefs could potentially rub folks the wrong way, especially in a locker room of grown men who choose to keep their beliefs to themselves, who don't share his beliefs at all, and/or who only want to hear "God bless" after they have sneezed.

We're told that Tebow already has gotten a taste of the resistance he might face at the next level.

At the Scouting Combine, the Wonderlic exam is administered to players in groups. The 12-minute test is preceded by some brief instructions and comments from the person administering the test.

Per a league source, after the person administering the test to Tebow's group had finished, Tebow made a request that the players bow their heads in prayer before taking the 50-question exam.

Said one of the other players in response: "Shut the f--k up." Others players in the room then laughed.

Now that is some funny shit. Listen, I understand some people have strong feelings about their religion. But don't bring your religion into sports and force it onto others. I always got uncomfortable right before a game when some of my teammates would ask me to join in a prayer. The thoughts that raced through my head go a little like this: "Dude, God doesn't give a shit about you or this team. Let's just play some damn ball!" But then of course I never had the balls to say this out loud because I'm a pussy. But whomever told Tebow to "Shut the fuck up!" deserves a pat on the back or at least a fist bump because they said exactly what all of us wanted to say but just didn't have the courage because of fears of religion persecution.

After all, just because the Bible is the greatest selling fiction book of all-time doesn't mean I'm going to start mapping my sports life around it.

MIKE HOLMGREN HATES JIMMY CLAUSEN

New Cleveland Browns GM Mike Holmgren is a huge fan of mustache rides but not Notre Dame quarterbacks. First he trades away Brady Quinn to the Denver Broncos and now he shits all over the notion of Jimmy Clausen being a Brown...

As for the second-ranked quarterback in the draft, Jimmy Clausen of Notre Dame, Holmgren was characteristically honest.

"I wish I liked him more," he said. "You know how you have a type of player that you like? It's not scientific. People like him a lot. He'll go high. But it would be hard for me [to take him]."

Apparently Holmgren is in love with Sam Bradford but thinks he goes #1 to the Rams. I'm sorry but I don't see the fascination with Bradford. He's coming off surgery to his THROWING SHOULDER and played almost exclusively out of the shotgun at Oklahoma. The kid is going to take some time to recover from both. I have my doubts with Clausen too but I think at this point he is the safer bet. Jimmy may be an asshole but so are a lot of QB's. I met Joe Montana once on Notre Dame's campus and he seemed like a prick to me. But guess what? It doesn't matter because Montana won Super Bowls. I'm not saying Clausen is going to win big time in the NFL because God knows he didn't win shit at Notre Dame but the kid has an edge that Bradford doesn't. He's been through the shit and got hammered at ND for every little thing and still he put up an amazing season in 2009 without a consistent running game or pass protection.

But honestly who gives a shit. The Rams are going to take Sam Bradford at #1. Hilarious.

TIGER WOODS EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH ESPN

Well after watching this I think we can all safely assume that Tiger Woods is a victim of spousal abuse. Elin beats the shit out of him. Tiger is in denial. It's sad. Poor guy. No wonder he stuck his Buddhist dick in so many orifices...."GET IN THE HOLE!"

AL HORFORD SAYS "HOW'S MY SHIT TASTE TIM DUNCAN?"

The Atlanta Hawks clinced a playoff spot last night with a 114-109 victory over the San Antonio Spurs. Hawks power forward Al Horford made sure Timmy Duncan knew who's ass to kiss once the playoffs start. That is right folks. The Hawks are going to come out of the Eastern Conference this playoff season and take on either the Los Angeles Lakers or Denver Nuggets in the Finals How do I know this you ask? Because mother fuckers I got mad skillz at predicting future bball champions. Take for instance the NCAA Tournament. I had Kansas winning the whole thing. And last time I looked they were going to beat the shit out of Northern Iowa in the second round. Ain't no fucking way they lose to a bunch of pasty Iowa ballers.

So just go ahead and put your life savings on the Hawks. You earned it.

OBAMA REACTS TO HEALTH CARE REFORM

For $10 co-pay I can get a fat joint and some pot brownies and a sticker? DUDE, sign me up!

GOTTA LOVE MARCH MADNESS!

I mean how can you not love this shit? Unless of course you took Vandy to go to the Final 4 then you should be able to sit at the edge of your seat and enjoy it. My picks so far have sucked balls but the key is my one Final 4 team is still alive in Baylor. I don't know anybody who took Baylor so I'm riding their shit to help me win my pool.

TIGER WOODS IS A DIRTY TEXTER

South Park was fucking hilarious last night. They tackled the Tiger Woods issue right on. I mean how many of us guys would seriously go around fucking everything in sight if we had a shitload of money and fame? Not this guy I tell ya (wife breathes heavy on shoulder, chills creep up spine).

Anywho, since all of us "normal" guys are angels I thought we could take a look at some of the dirt Tiger spews on his Blackberry, or Blasianberry as I call it. Here is just some of the sext messages Tiger Woods sent to porn star Josyln James before he got caught....

Tiger:Sent: 11: 08 PM 08/23/2009:
I like when you do that to me
Tiger:Sent: 11:11 PM 08/23/2009:
Ditto sexy
Tiger:Sent: 04:06 PM 08/28/2009:
I want to be deep inside you
Tiger:Sent: 04:10 PM 08/28/2009:
Maybe in two weeks in chicago
Tiger:Sent: 03:19 PM 08/29/2009:
I need that so bad
Tiger:Sent: 03;29 PM 08/29/2009:
Now:)
Tiger:Sent: 03:30 PM 08/29/2009:
Me to. I would wear you out
Tiger:Sent: 03:32 PM 08/29/2009:
I have no idea. I would love to have the ability to make you sore
Tiger:Sent: 03:35 PM 08/29/2009:
In a week. I will try to wear you out
Tiger:Sent: 03:36 PM 08/29/2009:
After i cum you better start sucking my cock to get it hard
Tiger:Sent: 03:37 PM 08/29/2009:
Do you ever hook up with other guys or girls
Tiger:Sent: 03:41 PM 08/29/2009:
You didnt answer the question
Tiger:Sent: 03:43 PM 08/29/2009:
Ok. I would like to have a threesome with you and another girl you trust
Tiger:Sent: 03:48 PM 08/29/2009:
Does that excite you at all or no
Tiger:Sent: 03:52 PM 08/29/2009:
God girl. You better want to take care of me
Tiger:Sent: 03:56 PM 08/29/2009:
You do. Need more of it
Tiger:Sent: 03:59 PM 08/29/2009:
of you
Tiger:Sent: 04"02 PM 08/29/2009:
I want to treat you rough. Throw you around, spank and slap you
Tiger:Sent: 04:06 PM 08/29/2009:
Slap your face. Treat you like a dirty little whore. Put my cock in your ass and then shove it down your throat
Tiger:Sent: 04:07 PM 08/29/2009:
You are my fucking whore
Tiger:Sent: 04:08 PM 08/29/2009:
Hold you down while i choke you and Fuck that ass that i own
Tiger:Sent: 04:10 PM 08/29/2009:
Then im going to tell you to shut the Fuck up while i slap your face and pull your hair for making noise
Tiger:Sent: 04:21 PM 08/29/2009:
Where do you want to be bitten
Tiger:Sent: 04:24 PM 08/29/2009:
Ok. Now your talking. Whatever i want. You are mine
Tiger:Sent: 04:39 PM 08/29/2009:
Whatever else turns you on
Tiger:Sent: 04:43 PM 08/29/2009:
You tell me what you like
Tiger:Sent: 04:48 PM 08/29/2009:
You are. Always will be. Don't trust people
Tiger:Sent: 04:48 PM 08/29/2009:
But you still have not told me what turns you on
Tiger:Sent: 04:53 PM 08/29/2009:
I know you have tried every positing imaginable but what turns you on besides a dp
Tiger:Sent: 5:00 PM 08/29/2009:
I really do want to be rough with you. Slap you around
Tiger:Sent: 05:12 PM 08/29/2009:
For years. And punish you for not seeing me more
Tiger:Sent: 05:15 PM 08/29/2009:
I want you to beg for my cock. Kiss you all over to convince me to let you have it in your mouth
Tiger:Sent: 05:18 PM 08/29/2009:
We will see how bad you want me
Tiger:Sent: 05:26 PM 08/29/2009:
Next time i see you, you better beg and if you don't do it right i will slap, spank, bite and fuck you till mercy
Tiger:Sent: 09:20 AM 09/03/2009:
Was playing sexy
Tiger:Sent: 04:17 AM 09/04/2009:
Maybe you can fly out to chicage on monday night and leave early wed
Tiger:Sent: 04:23 AM 09/04/2009:
I land at 930 or 10 monday night
Tiger:Sent: 11:57 AM 09/04/2009:
Great. What time so you land
Tiger:Sent: 12:06 PM 09/04/2009:
I land at the earliest at 8 and the latest will be 10
Tiger:Sent: 12:08 PM 09/04/2009:
Midway
Tiger:Sent: 01:42 AM 09/07/2009:
I cant wait to see you as well. What time do you land again
Tiger:Sent: 03:15 AM 09/07/2009:
You are going to be headed to the hyatt lodge. 2815 jorie blvd oak brook, il 60523. Phone 630 990 5800
Tiger:Sent: 11:38 AM 09/07/2009:
Did you get my text with all the info
Tiger:Sent: 11:41 AM 09/07/2009:
I will text you the room number when i get there. Im still in boston
Tiger:Sent: 11:43 AM 09/07/2009:
I have to check in to get the room
Tiger:Sent: 11:44 AM 09/07/2009:
I should get there before you anyways
Tiger:Sent: 12:27 PM 09/07/2009:
In about 3 hours
Tiger:Sent: 12:30 PM 09/07/2009:
I will be there before you for sure
Tiger:Sent: 12:35 PM 09/07/2009:
You just make sure you take care of me when you get here
Tiger:Sent: 06:28 PM 09/07/2009:
Great
Tiger:Sent: 06:30 PM 09/07/2009:
Let me know when your about 20 out i will order dinner. And what would you like to eat
Tiger:Sent: 06:33 PM 09/07/2009:
I am pretty tired after today. I am going to go to sleep early
Tiger:Sent: 06:53 PM 09/07/2009:
How close are you
Tiger:Sent: 07:09 PM 09/07/2009:
What do you want to eat
Tiger:Sent: 07:10 PM 09/07/2009:
Anything simple
Tiger:Sent: 07:12 PM 09/07/2009:
No turkey unless it's a club sandwich
Tiger:Sent: 07:32 PM 09/07/2009:
How close
Tiger:Sent: 07:38 PM 09/07/2009:
Head to the elevators and go to 334. Thats your room. The door will be open with the dead bolt. I have to get back here to wait for the food. Im in room 358.
Tiger:Sent: 07:42 PM 09/07/2009:
Let me know when you are in the room. Food just got here
Tiger:Sent: 07:47 PM 09/07/2009:
Sweet. Dont come down here yet. Lots of people in the hall. I will let you know when it clears
Tiger:Sent: 08:16 PM 09/07/2009:
Are you close to being ready
Tiger:Sent; 08:32 PM 09/07/2009:
Come on down. Its quiet here in the hall now
Tiger:Sent: 08:35 PM 09/07/2009:
There is a room service cart in my hall. Be careful
Tiger:Sent: 08:35 PM 09/07/2009:
Room358
Tiger:Sent: 09:59 PM 09/07/2009:
Make it ok
Tiger:Sent: 10:01 PM 09/07/2009:
Ok. Lights out. Good night sexy
Tiger:Sent: 08:49 AM 09/08/2009:
Hope you slept as good as i did. I just woke up which is un heard of
Tiger:Sent: 10:23 AM 09/08/2009:
So when can i have that ass again
Tiger:Sent: 12:40 PM 09/08/2009:
I will be back in a couple hours
Tiger:Sent: 12:42 PM 09/08/2009:
I have to leave for an appearance at 430 but i will be back at 730 for dinner and lots of dessert with you. How about a quickie before i go:)
Tiger:Sent: 01:28 PM 09/08/2009:
Have you ever had a golden shower done to you
Tiger:Sent: 01:29 PM 09/08/2009:
Just morbid curiosity
Tiger:Sent: 01:30 PM 09/08/2009:
Really. You. You have done just about everything havent you
Tiger:Sent: 01:32 PM 09/08/2009:
Never done it. I think i would get stage freight
Tiger:Sent: 02:28 PM 09/08/2009:
Maybe
Tiger:Sent: 03:38 PM 09/08/2009:
I will be over in 10mins
Tiger:Sent: 03:40 PM 09/08/2009:
Why dont you come over here now instead
Tiger:Sent: 03:41 PM 09/08/2009:
Enter thru room 360. Its next door
Tiger:Sent: 03:42 PM 09/08/2009:
Hurry so i come in that ass
Tiger:Sent: 03:54 PM 09/08/2009:
Let me know when you leave your room
Tiger:Sent: 07:32 PM 09/08/2009:
You felt amazing to baby. How much was your flight by the way
Tiger:Sent: 07:35 PM 09/08/2009:
Having a few issues at home. Might be a little later before i see you tonight
Tiger:Sent: 07:39 PM 09/08/2009:
Parent hood melt down:)
Tiger:Sent: 08:01 PM 09/08/2009:
How much was your flight
Tiger:Sent: 05:03 AM 09/09/2009:
Shit i fell back to sleep. just woke up. I have to leave in about 15 mins. I tee off at 700
Tiger:Sent: 07:43 PM 09/09/2009:
Great thing is we have a life time of this
Tiger:Sent: 05:44 AM 10/01/2009:
I know that. Thats why i wont do that.
Tiger:Sent: 06:02 PM 10/01/2009:
Baby im not going anywhere or doing anything. You please me like no other has or ever will. I'm not losing that. You have to understand people love to tal
Tiger:Sent: 06:02 PM 10/01/2009:
k about me. sometimes its good and sometimes its bad. I have learned to just roll with it no matter how much it upsets me when its not true. My life is a
Tiger:Sent: 06:02 PM 10/01/2009:
fish bowl
Tiger:Sent: 10:40 AM 10/04/2009:
Guys from dubai. Investors. So my agent being suggested that we go back to my room at the mansion for lunch. He doesnt know about us, obviously
Tiger:Sent: 11:31 AM 10/04/2009:
This has been a total shit trip. Im sorry i fucked up last night. And this shit. We will get it right next time so we can spend more time together.
Tiger:Sent: 12:06 PM 10/04/2009:
Oh my god. If they were with me. You would have ruined everything
Tiger:Sent: 12:07 PM 10/04/2009:
I told you. Oh my god. I cant believe what just happened
Tiger:Sent: 12:08 PM 10/04/2009:
Don't Fucking talk to me. You almost just ruined my whole life. If my agent and these guys would have seen you there, Fuck

WHAT IS PROTOCOL?

Is it okay to just mail it in the rest of the day, go down to the local watering hole, and get piss drunk on St. Patty's?

I have no problem doing it since I work for myself but I'm wondering what the 9-5 working folk do on this holiday. Since we got the start of March Madness (letter from the NCAA is on the way as we type to cease and desist all references to March Madness) tomorrow I figure most sports fans will decide to pull the "I got chlamydia from a girl last night and I can't come into work" excuse so they can watch it. I guess if you were smart you would have saved those vacation days for this week. There is the lesson kids. Always plan ahead if you want to get drunk and watch sports without fear of losing one's job.

SPORTSCRACK MARCH MADNESS POOL

Our annual SPORTSCRACK MARCH MADNESS POOL is open and free to everyone. Winner gets $50 in SPORTSCRACK.COM merchandise.

Go to funofficepools.com , click JOIN A POOL at the top, pick March Madness 10 under Pool Type, type in SPORTSCRACK MARCH MADNESS POOL in all caps for the Pool Name, there is no password, and then your selection name.

Good luck!

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY! HAVE YOU SEEN THE LEPRECHAUN?

Shit never gets old. I've seen the "Leprechaun in Mobile" Youtube video probably 21,325,432 times and I still crack up every single time. Why change tradition right? I hope everybody has a very drunk and safe St. Patty's Day. Stay away from the green beer and stick with the Jameson, Guinness, and Smithwick.

Go Irish!

5'11 TREY STARKS HAS SOME SERIOUS HOPS

DEADSPIN caught our eyes on this ridiculous dunk in a high school game in Missouri featuring Trey Starks. The Hillcrest High School superstar has been known to elevate over opponents while taking into the paint. Check out this coast-to-coast throwdown...

I love the guy in the stands who just runs out of the gym in excitement after the dunk. Talk about an adrenaline rush. I probably would have shit my pants if I saw this in person.

GOOD HOUSEKEEPING TIP FROM ADRIANNE CURRY

1. ALWAYS COOK AND CLEAN ASS OUT



WWTDD has this Twitter picture of Adrianne Curry (I think she is one of those reality TV whores but I'm not positive) preparing a nice meal for her husband. Lucky bastard.

I got nothing. These tears do all of my explaining.

ASHLEY JUDD DOES A SHITTY JOHN WALL DANCE IMPERSONATION

I know what you are saying: "Fuck it! She can sit on my face and do whatever the hell she wants to do!"

And yes, I agree.

I filled out my bracket last night and right now I got Kansas, Syracuse, Kentucky and Baylor in my Final 4. I know I am probably going to regret the Syracuse and Baylor picks as I could see both of them not even making the sweet 16 but I'm going to stick with my gut feeling. I got Kansas winning the whole thing. I've watched a lot more college basketball this season and even followed it more and I can say without a doubt that Kansas is the best team in the country. They got athleticism, experience, great front court, great back court, great coaching and a storied history. Granted they got put into the toughest bracket by far but then again you got to beat the best to be considered the best.

Kansas will win it all. Throw your defaulted mortgage on it.

BRADY QUINN SURVIVES SHITHOLE CLEVELAND

Yesterday was an early Christmas present for QB Brady Quinn as he learned his days in the Cleveland Browns organization were over. The Browns traded their former first round pick to Denver for fullback Peyton Hillis, a 2011 sixth-round draft pick and a conditional pick in 2012. This could possible be a career rejuvenation move for Brady.

The Browns are one of the worst run sports franchises for the past...oh...let's say 50 years. They have never made it to a Super Bowl and their most memorable moment in franchise history is that of John Elway's The Drive in the 1986 AFC Championship. They drafted Brady Quinn with hopes the local kid who grew up a Brown's fan would help rescue a team who has no idea how to build a winner. Instead of giving Brady the keys to the offense they sat him on the bench during his first season as Derek Anderson had a Pro Bowl season.

Quinn came from a pro-set offense at Notre Dame under Charlie Weis and yet was never given a chance to sink or swim within the Cleveland offense. Part of it was his own undoing (rookie contract holdout and inconsistency when he played) but then you look at other franchises like the Jets, Ravens, and Colts and could you imagine those 3 teams not playing Sanchez, Flacco and Manning much at all in their first 3 seasons because of some inconsistent playing? We all know the QB is the face of the organization but what if the Colts gave up on Peyton Manning because he threw a billion interceptions his first two seasons? Mark Sanchez had 20 interceptions and a worse passer rating than Brady Quinn this year but you don't hear people talking about him being a bust. Why is that? Because both of these teams went all in with their quarterbacks. They gave them the keys to their Ferrari and said we are going to win or lose this race with you.

The Browns never gave Brady Quinn a legit chance. He had 12 starts over 3 seasons to prove his worth to Cleveland. An organization full of losers doesn't deserve Brady.

Now in Denver he will get the chance to start all over with a team that has won Super Bowls in the past. Coach Josh McDaniels will give Brady a chance to compete with incumbent starter Kyle Orton in an offense with dynamic playmakers in Brandon Marshall and Knowshon Moreno. Hopefully the Broncos will give him a full season to prove he can be a franchise quarterback. Orton will be a free agent after the 2010 season so look for Quinn to start in 2011. For the love of God give him the keys, take off the restrictor plate and let us see what kind of Bronco power Quinn can produce.

BUSTER OLNEY MIGHT BE A RA-TARD

I'm not even sure why I am putting this up other than to prove how fucking mentally challenged some of ESPN's most respectable reporters are these days. Buster Olney is reporting the Phillies organization are having internal discussions on trading Ryan Howard for Albert Pujols. Umm...yeah...let that soak in for a while after you read this....

according to sources, an idea has been kicked around the Phillies' organization internally, with discussions about proposing a swap of slugger Ryan Howard for St. Louis superstar Albert Pujols....The logic for a Howard for Pujols swap, as discussed within the Phillies' organization, could fall along these lines: Pujols, 30 years old, is eligible for free agency after the 2011 season, and early conversations about a contract extension have not led to any long-term deal. The expectation within baseball is that Pujols may ask for a deal that would rival, in annual value, the record-setting 10-year, $275 million deal that Alex Rodriguez negotiated with the Yankees in fall 2007.

Of course Phillies GM Ruben Amaro came out firing yesterday calling it "LIES" and stating it specifically three times in one sentence. Where Buster Olney has the cajones to report this garbage and not get reprimanded is beyond me. Olney used to be a well respected baseball journalist who fought to get the inside scoop but this scoop he has is pure bull shit.

First of all there is no way the Phillies would ever offer just Ryan Howard for Albert MVPujols. The Phillies organization is not dumb enough to think Howard alone could complete the deal. You would honestly have to throw in an Utley or a Roy Halladay to even make the Cardinals not immediately hang up the phone as soon as the name "Albert Pujols" was mentioned. Second of all this trade is never going to happen because Pujols isn't leaving the Cardinals. He will resign in the next year or two before his contract is up. The Cardinals run a classy organization and there is absolutely no way they will let a once in a lifetime player like Pujols walk away.

But thanks for reporting a complete garbage rumor Buster. It got me talking about baseball and mentioning the 4 letter word of "ESPN" which I'm sure the Disney executives love. Now go do some reporting on the Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees and leave the rest of baseball alone.

The Big Lead has this great locker room speech from former Texas Tech head coach Mike Leach after his Red Raiders team played Baylor. I love how he addresses some of the players who feel like they are entitled to something just because they won in the past. I would love to play for Mike Leach. He doesn't settle for average. He requests 100% all the time and if you are Craig James son then you can sit your ass in a fucking closet and suck your thumb till Daddy comes to the rescue. Some Athletic Director needs to hire this guy asap. Leach made Texas Tech a winner. The Red Raiders were fucking awful before Leach started throwing F bombs at players. I hope somebody in the PAC 10 grabs him so he can lay it on FUSC every year.

I hope Brian Kelly brings this type of attitude to Notre Dame. Too many players on ND's squad think they have some type of entitlement because they wear the blue and gold on Saturdays. Bull shit. You gotta earn your jersey and my sincere hope is Brian Kelly completely rips apart the team in Spring practice and makes them bleed to earn the right to wear a jersey and run out of that tunnel with passion.

EVAN TURNER PUTS FINAL NAIL INTO MICHIGAN'S COFFIN

Ohio State's Evan Turner might have just clinched Naismith Player of the Year honors with this shot. Not only does he help the Buckeyes survive a battle against their arch rival Michigan but he also keeps Ohio State in play for a #1 seed if they win the Big Ten Tournament.

Right now I got Kansas and Kentucky as the only legit #1 seeds in the tournament. Even if they lose this weekend they still get #1 seeds. No argument there. Syracuse is a big time stretch in my opinion. Losers of two straight I think if West Virginia wins the Big East tourney then they should steal the #1 seed from Cuse. The other #1 I guess will go to Duke if they win the ACC Tournament. The ACC blows balls this year.

The smart money goes on either Kansas or Kentucky winning the whole enchilada. They are clearly the most talented and both have coaches with plenty of NCAA Tourney experience. I'm a betting man so I'm taking Kansas. Cole Aldrich is a force in the paint and Sherron Collins and Xavier Henry are extremely hard to defend. Plus Calipari of Kentucky always finds a way to fuck up a sure win (like 2 years ago against Kansas).

ZACH GALIFIANAKIS KILLS THE SNL MONOLOGUE

I watch as much Saturday Night Live these days as I watch WNBA. In fact I found out both still exist recently. Good for them. Comedian Zach what's his beard absolutely killed it the other night during his monologue with some old material from his stand up days. WarmingGlow thinks it's amazing. I think it's boneriffic. Either way you are a winner after watching it.

CALLED IT IN SICK TODAY

Which is kind of weird when you work by yourself. See I don't have any co-workers per say unless you count my dogs. My dogs are like those lazy mother fuckers in the opposite cubicle next to you who just sit around and lick their balls while begging for food. It pisses me off too. Dogs are just like co-workers. I'm pretty positive co-workers love to eat their own shit and fart at the absolute worst moment. For instance the other day I tried getting to second base with a beautiful lady only to be fart blocked by one of Soco's deadly blasts. Yes, I named my dog after a liquor. And yes, I know too much Soco can give you the farts. Hence the name. Anyways, I called in sick today because I got a bad case of the broners...

Rob Corddry Has A Broner from Rob Corddry

Hey, if you are reading this blog then I feel sorry for you. If you want me to stop feeling bad for you then buy one of our cool SportsCrack shirts. For instance we are only 9 days away from St. Patrick's Day so what better shirt to wear then this new sweet ass Irish one which will surely get you laid...or arrested....

EXCLUSIVE VIDEO OF THE BEN ROETHLISBERGER ASSAULT

"I GET OLDER...THEY STAY THE SAME AGE!"

Case closed. Big Ben is fucked.

NOT A GOOD WEEK FOR QB'S IN GEORGIA WITH NAMES ENDING IN BERGER

By now you have heard about Ben Roethlisberger little sexual mishap in Milledgeville, GA (I had no fucking clue where Milledgeville was till two days ago and apparently I only live about a hour away from the city...go figure) which would make him a two strike offender in the land of forced love. What you may not know is while Big Ben high tailed it out of the Christian bible beating state of GA after pulling a Roethlisberger (it's a new noun replacing sexual assault in the dictionary) he managed to hire Atlanta's lawyer to the guilty sports stars in Ed Harland. If you don't know who Harland is well then take a look at these clients whom he represented in the past...








Harland has managed to get Ray Lewis off for murder. He got Dany Heatley off for vehicular homicide. He got Jamal Lewis the bare minimum time in jail for facilitating a cocaine deal. Garland also managed to get Pacman Jones a misdemeanor for paralyzing a bouncer at a Las Vegas strip club. The point is if you are going to kill someone or Roethlisberger a girl whether it be intentional or not then you go hire Garland. Garland is the modern day Johnny Cochran. He gets innocent until proven guilty sports stars slap on the wrists and will probably manage to get the mayor of Milledgeville to publish an apology note to Big Ben for his town's misunderstanding of the Roethlisberger rules.

In other Georgia quarterback news involving small towns we have the arrest of potential starting QB for the BullDawgs in Zach Mettenberger. Another QB with a last name ending in -berger was dumb enough to go partying in the podunk town of Remerton (seriously I have never heard of these places before and have lived in Georgia pretty much all my life) and managed to get arrested for what 95.9% of us get arrested for: being a drunk idiot. Mettenberger is expected to compete with Aaron Murray and Logan Gray in Spring Practice for the vacant starting QB job leftover by the Ginger Ninja. Actually maybe I should replace the word is with was because there is a good chance it might be a two man race after this arrest. Mettenberger was arrested while on Spring Break at a bar called Flip Flops at 1:39 AM on Sunday. Wait a second. What the fuck. A QB in the SEC is on spring break in fucking Remerton? Of all the places I have gone for spring break I believe the last place I would ever think of going is Remerton. Come to think of it Mettenberger deserved to get arrested for having bad taste. Come on man. Panama City is a short drive away. Easy girls, booze, STD's, and general lack of the po-po runs rampant down in PC. These kids have so much to learn.

PRESIDENTIAL REUNION

Funny or Die's Presidential Reunion from Will Ferrell

HA! If only it were this simple. By the way, Jim Carrey does a damn good job of mimicking Ronald Reagan. For a second there I thought I was watching "Knute Rockne All American." I really need to stop drinking bourbon in the morning.

THE JASON HEYWARD "J-HEY KID" SHIRT

This J-Hey Kid shirt was inspired from the new kid on the block down in the ATL. "The J-Hey Kid" is the #1 prospect in all of baseball and we figured he deserved his own shirt from SportsCrack Tees. If you are a Bravos fan or a baseball fan for that matter then this is the perfect tee shirt for yourself and/or girlfriend, wife, life partner, mistress, etc. I know one thing is for sure is that I will be rocking out in this "J-Hey Kid" shirt on Opening Day at The Ted when the Braves take on the Scrubs.

THE J-HEY KID SHIRT ONLY $17

SORRY DUKE YOU LOSE!

Jon Scheyer had about as much chance of blocking Maryland PF freshman Jordan Williams on the break as he does of winning the ACC Player of the Year after Maryland won 79-72. With the win Maryland PG Greivis Vasquez clinched the ACC POY award and also the Terps are now tied with Duke for the ACC lead at 12-3 with both teams having one game left before the ACC tourney. The Comcast Center was electric last night on Senior Night as Vasquez went out in style with this incredible shot with the game on the line...


Vasquez will go down as one of the all-time greats in Terps history with Juan Dixon (in attendance), Len Bias, Steve Francis, Joe Smith, and Len Elmore. His #21 jersey should be retired and hung in the rafters. The Venezuelan product is practically a cult hero in College Park and he has a legit shot of leading Maryland to the Elite 8 if not further.

The loss by Duke probably costs them a #1 seed unless they can win the ACC Tourney next week. Right now you have to pencil in Syracuse, Kentucky, and Kansas as sure fire #1 seeds. Personally I think Kansas and Kentucky are heads and shoulders better than anybody else in the country when they are playing up to their capabilities. As a Maryland fan I would love to see the Terps challenge for another Final Four but as a realist there is no denying they would probably get crushed by KU and UK.

BASEBALL FREE AGENTS PSA

12 Angry Mascots has this stirring and very emotionally charged PSA on neglected baseball free agents still looking for a paycheck near you. With spring training underway (Orioles Josh Bell and Nick Markakis have both hit bombs today...hell yeah!) we can often forget about the older players whom are no longer wanted or neglected by GMs all over this great nation. It's up to you and I to make sure these players can survive without making millions of dollars for the first time in years, sometimes decades, to play a game we love so much. I beg of you to think of all the Nomars out there who can no longer do steroids freely without prejudice and now must live a life full of joints, tendons, and hamstrings crumbling as their baseball skills deteriorate with age. It's a shame. Give today.

TAYLOR MAYS IS VERY FAST...BUT HE STILL SUCKS

USC Safety Taylor Mays ran an official 4.43 forty today at the NFL combine which as you may know is extremely fast. In fact it's the 10th fastest time this year at the NFL combine and it's only a tenth of a second behind Golden Tate. And yet some cheesedick GM will draft Mays ahead of Golden in the first round come April despite the fact that Tate has completely owned him. Well at least we know Mays will be taking a pay cut in the NFL now that his USC days are over. Poor kid.

BRAZIL BANS PARIS HILTON BEER COMMERCIAL

According to the Associated Press this Devassa Beer commercial has been pulled from Brazil...

A sultry beer ad featuring the socialite has been pulled after consumer complaints and a watchdog agency's investigation.
An ad watchdog group, Conar, asked last week that the ad be removed, noting that regulations don't permit a beer commercial to treat women as overtly sensual objects. Brazil's Secretariat for Women's Affairs also said it had received complaints about the ad.

Holy shit! I thought America was a bunch of bitches when it came to risque advertisements getting banned but we can't even compete with Brazil in terms of all out vaginitis. Correct me if I'm wrong but this Paris Hilton commercial seems pretty tame right? I mean it's not like we can see her roast beef hanging out or anything. It's got to be something else. Maybe the Brazilians who are known for their curvy women just hate Paris because she is a disgusting whore tooth pick with blonde hair. Because if this is too sensual for Brazil then I don't ever want to visit their shithole destination filled with tropical beaches full of Reef Girls frolicking around looking for American dick to latch on. No sir. You lost a customer today Brazil.

CANADA HOCKEY WINS GOLD

Great game yesterday as Team Canada survived in OT to beat Team USA 3-2 in what was the pinnacle of a great Winter Olympics. Sure Canada won the last gold medal but overall we had the most medals with 37...a whooping 11 more than America's Hat. It feels good to beat down them down in their own country. I'm about 100% positive Obama made an executive decision to let Canada win in their most cherished sport in hockey. It's all those people got up there besides igloos, polar bears, Celine Dion, and socialized health care.

JASON KIDD MAKES MIKE WOODSON LOOK LIKE THE IDIOT WE ALL KNOW HE CAN BE

If you want to talk about how to play smart basketball then go no further than this Jason "Smack my bitch up" Kidd highlight from Friday night. Kidd not only had a remarkable triple-double with 19 points, 16 boards and 17 assists against the Hawks but he also made a heads up play late in the fourth quarter by taking advantage of the Atlanta Hawks main weakness: head coach Mike Woodson. Woodson must have thought he was Pete Carroll roaming the sidelines with the amount of slack the refs were giving him in terms of calls and on-field interference. Instead of ignoring Woodson's dumbass Kidd merely stuck out an arm while running into Woodson while he was out on the court. As you may know the coaches aren't allowed to be on the court while the game is being played thus Woodson drew the technical foul. In the fourth period. Cost them a point and possession late. Brilliant.

The Mavs eventually won in overtime 111-103 and proved to the rest of the world that Woodson may be the one person who can beat the Hawks come playoff time. Woodson of course looked like a complete jackass by arguing the call and yelling at Kidd. Players need to do this more often. Last year I couldn't help but notice how often Pete Carroll was literally 5-15 yards on the field during plays while yelling at the players and refs. My hope was Charlie Weis would notice this and call a play in his direction in order to take him out. Never happened but then again we know why Charlie didn't last past year 5 in his head coaching experience. I would have loved to see Pete The Cheat taken out by Golden on an out pattern.