GERRY FAUST INTERVIEW

Interview conducted by Nick Ironside, an aspiring writer who also works for New Era Scouting.

1) Talk about your love for Notre Dame – how did it start and why is it still so strong?

Ever since I was a kid, playing CYO football in the fifth or sixth grade, I used to listen to Notre Dame on the radio. I had a great love for them, and also I used to watch them on Sunday morning when they had them on TV – the replays. And then when I was coaching at Moeller [high school], a lot of the kids I coached there went to Notre Dame; and they loved it. They were always treated right, and every one of those kids that went from Moeller to Notre Dame got their degree. And those were 26 student athletes, over a period of about 22 years. So that’s how I began to love Notre Dame, and they were my favorite team. My second two favorite teams were the Army and Navy teams – I used to listen to them and they used to play every year. One year I’d root for Army and the next year I’d root for Navy, but Notre Dame was my number one school.

2) You had the best high school football team in the country back in the ‘70’s at Moeller high school. Why was that team so successful?

Well four of our last five teams were national champs. We had such great tradition, we never had a real bad season, and we started out our first senior class in 1963, in a real tough league – a Catholic league and we were 9-1. That was our first varsity football team, and those kids sort of set the tone, and ever since that time we had nine undefeated seasons – and in two of the undefeated seasons we lost in the playoffs, and five other teams we went all the way. And two other teams went undefeated when there were not playoffs at that time – ’65-’69. Real playoffs didn’t start until ’72 or ’73. The reason we were so successful at Moeller was we starting tuning in that first year, and we didn’t make the young man play both ways. We asked them to play offense or defense, and for four years they would play on that side of the ball, and about 90% of them knew what the offense was, knew what the defense was, and they made very few mistakes.

3) How was the coaching change from high school to college different?

Recruiting is one thing that’s different, because you don’t recruit in high school, and at the college level you have to recruit hard and long – that’s one thing. The other thing is the speed difference and the size difference. It’s so dramatic of a change. The third thing is when I was coaching in the high school level we were spending our time preparing for the next game, where in college football you have to do it all day long, the practice and for games, because that’s all you do- football. At Moeller, when I was the athletic director things took a lot of time. At the college level the speed was so much faster, and since you had more time, the whole complexity of the game was more complicated. It’s a big jump from high school to college – even to play as well as to coach it. And I would think the same thing is from college to the pros.


4) How would you describe your tenure at Notre Dame on and off the field? How about at Moeller high school?

Well first at Moeller – it was unbelievable because we had such a great coaching staff, and we had great kids – everyone in the district wanted to come to Moeller high school. When I left Moeller we were undefeated on all three levels – our freshmen team was undefeated for two or three years, our sophomore team was undefeated – we had 220 kids playing football on all three levels. I would’ve never left Moeller except for Notre Dame – I loved Moeller, but going to Notre Dame was the dream of a lifetime, and my five years at Notre Dame we didn’t win as many games as I’d like to have seen us win, but I loved every minute of it. It’s a great place – the people that worked there, the professors, the groundskeepers – they go there because they love the University and it’s a great University, and with the Holy Cross priests and brothers – it didn’t come any better. So my five years at Notre Dame, even though we won more then we lost, we didn’t get the job done the way I felt we should’ve got it done, and so that’s why I stepped down. It was a great five years, and the pressure was tough. When you don’t win when you love a place, it makes it even a little tougher. But when people ask me would I do it again, the answer is without a doubt. Without even hesitating. Would I do things differently? Yes, I would. And I’d do a lot of things differently – The third thing is if the results had been the same would I have done it again? Yes. Because it was the five years where I got to live the dream. And I go back [to Notre Dame] all the time, and I go back to Moeller all the time, and ironically I’m down at Akron, so I go to Akron a lot too – to the University with the football and basketball coaches. But I go to five or six Notre Dame games a year, and I go to four or five Moeller games a year, and four or five Akron games a year. So the three places where I coached some, I’m still pretty close to all three places.

5) What advice would you give to coaches now who try and switch from high school to college?

I would tell them to research and take their time at hiring assistant coaches. Now don’t get me wrong, I had great coaches at Notre Dame, and they’ve done an excellent job. But one of the things I had at Moeller that I didn’t have at Notre Dame was cohesiveness. And I think when your staff come together, and being a rookie when I did it, I didn’t have that cohesiveness, and not everybody was on the same page. I think you have to be on the same page at any level of coaching. Same goals, same principles, same ideas, and loyalty.

6) What would you say are keys to recruiting football players?

Well first of all a lot of mistakes are made in recruiting because it’s hard to predict how the kid is going to progress in college, and being a part of your program – that’s the first thing. The second thing is you have to recruit where you have weaknesses, so you can create depth. Third thing is, you’ve got to recruit quality human beings. The kid could be a great football player, but maybe he’s a bum. It’s not worth the trouble and it causes you more trouble. And you’ve got to work hard at it. It’s not an easy job, and you have to be thorough. So I thought our recruiting was real good while I was there, and I think we had five really great years. We were able to close in on a lot of great kids and a lot of great athletes. And it paid off as the years went on, because coach Holtz molded them into the national championship football team a few years later.

7) What would you say to a recruit to get him to go to Notre Dame?

Well first of all, you have to know the family and you have to know the young man. Thirdly, you have to know what his goals are. Fourthly you have to let him know where he stands in terms of in the future of the program and where he fits in. And fifthly, you have to convince him that if he’s Catholic a Catholic education is important. If he’s academically very strong you have to convince him that he’s going to get the best education.

8) What is the moment you remember best at Notre Dame?

Everybody asks me that question, and most people think it’s running out of the tunnel for the first time – but that’s not it. The first day of spring football, I invited the community – the South Bend community to come and watch practice, and over 5,000 people came out there and we had to get the security, and the policemen to keep them back so we could practice. And it was a rainy, cold, windy day. I was working with the kickers and then the whole football team met at the gate, and started to run on the field, to do calisthenics warm ups, to loosen up. I wanted to be the first one over there, so I ran over across the field, and I could see the dome up there and I looked up to the heavens, and since it was my first day at Notre Dame in practice I thanked the good lord, and the blessed mother for giving me this great opportunity. And as soon as I did that, said “Dear lady, dear lord; thank you for this great opportunity,” the sun broke through the clouds and shined on the golden dome; the blessed mother.

Other Nick Ironside articles:

-Put on a higher platform(a look at USC recruit Matt Barkley)


-Russell Shepard Interview: Part II

25 YEARS LATER THE ORIOLES STILL BLOW

It has been a long and painful 25 years since the Baltimore Orioles last celebrated with the bubbly after defeating the Philadelphia Phillies to capture their third World Series title. Who knew at the time that Eddie Murray and Cal Ripken Jr. would both go on to have elite Hall of Fame careers while the Orioles as a franchise would begin a slide in which they would make only two more playoff appearances during the last quarter century. It's pathetic but at least in this picture we can see a time where mutton chops were in style and Ripken actually had some hair while both destroyed plenty of bottles of booze and ladies in the aftermath of a World Series title.

Baseball was so innocent at the time. Sure there was cocaine but they didn't have a bunch of roided up douchebags who lie in front of the public and they sure as hell did not start the season in stinkin Japan. And Peter Angelos was just some a-hole lawyer who never found an ambulance he didn't love to chase. And I was 4 years old slinging rocks on the playground. It has been way too long since baseball really mattered in Baltimore. The Orioles will more than likely be the worst team in all of baseball this season. And yet I will still order the MLB Extra Innings Package so I can watch them down here in Atlanta as much as I please.

Being this loyal to a team really sucks balls sometimes.

Sigh!

BASEBALL SEASON KICKS OFF

I understand Bud Selig and MLB going after the globalization of baseball to help with the marketing of the game but it still seems a little fucked up to me that the first official game of our past time was played in Japan at 6 am this morning. The Red Sox of course came back and beat the A's 6-5 behind a blown save from A's closer Huston Street who gave up a homer to Brandon Moss(minor leaguer) in the ninth inning while also losing the game in the tenth inning while giving up a two run double to Manny Ramirez(4 RBI's with 3 extra base hits, Manny is going to have a huge contract year).

While this is a new season some things haven't changed since last season. Dice-K still looks like an overpaid imported bust. He pitched 5 innings in his homeland and walked 5 guys while laboring to throw consistent strikes with both his fastball and splitter. With the amount of money the Red Sox dished out to get the Japanese phenom he sure hasn't lived up to his hype.

JD Drew sat out the opening game in typical JD Drew fashion with a case of swollen vagina. Doctors confirmed it as lower back tightness which we all know is code for huge gaping vagina for Drew. I'm still shocked that redneck plays up in Boston.

In other baseball related news Jose Canseco hates Alex Rodriguez' guts according to JoeLavin.com and is throwing him under the bus in his latest steroid book, Vindicated: Big Names, Big Liars, and the Battle to Save Baseball....

Why all the hatred, you ask. Well, Canseco claims that A-Rod was trying to sleep with Canseco's wife. Apparently, even after Canseco had been nice enough to help A-Rod find a friendly steroids supplier, A-Rod kept calling Canseco's wife.

And, in case there's any further confusion about Canseco's true feelings, he ends the chapter by saying:

So A-Rod, if you're reading this book, and if I'm not getting through to you, let's get clear on one thing: I hate your fucking guts.

And since we all know Canseco has been one of the few guys who has been honest in order to make a buck off the steroid scandal I believe what he is saying. His "battle to save baseball" according to the title of his new book is bullshit. It's his battle to buy more douchebag Miami wearing fish net shirts for Canseco to show off his grotesques man tits. But yeah, Canseco hates A-Rod because he wanted to sleep with his wife...this season is going to be so entertaining.

PATRICK ROY'S SON IS A DICK

Wait till around the 1:30 mark when NHL Hall of Famer Patrick Roy's son, Jonathan, goes ape shit and decides to beat the hell out of the opposing goaltender. Quite a winner move there on Roy's part especially when the other goal tender had nothing to do with the fight and had no reason to fight back.

Can you say assault charges? You got to love the French Canadian announcers because they can make an all out hockey brawl sound like figure skating. Apparently Jonathan feels bad about giving the old #1 salute to the crowd also...

"I acted in an unacceptable way for an athlete. I gave the finger to the crowd and I used unacceptable words before TV cameras," Jonathan Roy said Monday at a news conference in Quebec City.

"I acted on the rush of the moment and frustration ... (but) I didn't have the right to act this way and I want to use this time to (apologize) to the Chicoutimi crowd and all those who heard those words on TV."

What people saw and heard, "that's not me. You will never see that side of (me) again," Roy said.

I think it is clear that Jonathan is a huge Michael Vick fan. French Canadians are weird.

Video HT: WithLeather

BACK FROM LAS VEGAS

I don't think you can ask for a more weird and crazy weekend in Vegas than a bachelor party during the opening weekend of March Madness. My whole body aches while I try to rid my body of gallons of booze and tears from getting my ass completely destroyed while shaking worse than Muhammad Ali holding the Olympic Torch. Vegas is a city, an environment, an experience which should only be allowed to happen once a year at the most but never mind I ignored this simple logic by spending 17 of the last 28 days there. Sincere thanks to all my buddies who showed up and reveled in the fact that I'm "the asshole" who is getting married. You guys know I have always been the asshole, it never took marriage to change that fact. So I'm sure some of your brackets are as fucked up as my liver right now. The Sportscrack Pool is alive and well and if you had Georgetown as your pick well then you look like the fucking asshole right now. I told you guys Roy Hibbert blows. Hibbert is softer than Charmin but like it is only good for whipping off shit and being thrown down the toilet, or in his case the Atlanta Hawks.

Less than a week till baseball starts. Thank God. As much as I love watching the NCAA tournament I am equally frustrated by CBS going back and forth between games while Greg Gumbel screws with my emotions. Just stick with one game on one channel please. You would think after years of doing it CBS would finally mature and get rid of the premature ejaculation that is their coverage. I guess not.

FUCK OFF CBS

Can they not stick with one fucking game on one fucking channel? Why do they keep switching games in between the five channels they have instead of just keeping one game throughout on the channel you pick? I'm seriously about to fly to New York and kick whoever is in charge of CBS Sports right in their junk for this constant flipping of games. I want to watch a game all the way through from beginning to end. I do not want Greg effing Gumbel telling us we are going out West to see who gives a shit in the final ten minutes when I am in the process of enjoying one game on the other coast.

FUCK YOU CBS, YOU GUYS ARE KILLING THIS FOR ME AND MILLIONS OF OTHERS YOU CORPORATE DOUCHEBAGS.

XAVIER WINS, COVERS SPREAD

Thank the lord on both accounts for the good of my sanity and my pool. I have Xavier in the Sweet 16 losing to Duke and for a moment there it looked like Georgia was again going to play the role of spoilers with a double digit lead in the second half. But Xavier came back and covered the 8.5 point spread thus I'm 3-0 so far in my picks with no upsets yet.

Time to go, bathroom break #482 calls.

FUCK CBS

They have 3 different channels in HD but yet none of the NCAA Tournament games so far are being broadcasted in actual HD. What the fuck CBS? It's the year 2008, I didn't spend good, hard earned (ha..not really) whore money for a big screen not to see it in the clearest high def as possible. Well so far Georgia is whooping Xavier's ass even though it's not even on TV here in Atlanta. Michigan State is up on Temple at the half and Kansas is destroying Portland State as expected.

Crack!! Beer #3 is going down while Beer #2 is being dispensed into the royal throne. They should really make the first day of the NCAA Tournament a national holiday. No one should have to work on a day like this.

NCAA TOURNAMENT UNDER WAY

CRACK!!goes the beer as I open my first of many, many empty souls of Bud Lights. As some of you know I work out of my house and luckily today I don't have to do shit besides take a shit, eat some Quizno's sammies, masturbate(already got that out of the way), and watch endless hours of NCAA hoops action across the nation. If you fuckers didn't get in your brackets in time for the Sportscrack pool well then I'm sorry but really stop emailing me. It's too late you lazy assholes. And if you are in the pool well then prepare yourselves to get kicked in the ass by upsets that make as much sense as a dick mole.

And the updates will come and go as I please as I watch these games all day. Tomorrow I am off with 7 other guys to Las Vegas for a weekend of booze, strippers, midgets, and donkey shows so don't expect too many updates as I will be way too hazy and confused to even think about getting near a stinkin computer.

And anybody who has to work today or tomorrow in a cramped office I feel really, really bad for you. Life is what you make of it so go out and marry a rich broad and live the easy life while you drink and fart in the comforts of your own home that somebody else paid for.

ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF ESPN'S LOVEFEST FOR ALL THINGS NORTHEAST

On the right is a screen shot from ESPN.com's MLB page captured by The Big Lead. Take a long look at it and tell me what you see. I know I am probably preaching to the choir here but I wonder if the WWL will ever recognize there are actual baseball teams outside of the Yankees, Red Sox, and Mets who play the game and deserve some media recognition. ESPN's lovefest with all things Northeast related especially when it comes to baseball coverage has forced people like myself to buy the MLB Extra Innings Package just to have the chance to watch other teams and players play. It often sickens me how much coverage and all-out BS love a guy like Derek Jeter gets whom I do respect as a player but does not compare skill-wise to a player like a Ichiro or a Vladimir on the West and less appreciated Coast.

And you can say the Yankees and Red Sox deserve the extensive coverage they receive because they are the two most polarizing teams but when the Atlanta Braves were dominating the National League for more than a decade it was still difficult to find highlights if any of their games on the WWL's SportsCenter. It's just disappointing to see how ESPN blows up players and teams from their region when they honestly don't deserve it.

Don't believe me, well, just wait to see how much ESPN fellate and over hype Boston College's Matt Ryan in their NFL Draft coverage.

TAMPA BAY RAYS FANS BRING A LITTLE PHILLY TO COLE HAMELS

This may come as news to 99.9% of sports fans including myself, but the Tampa Bay Rays(they dropped the Devil because of protests from Manta Rays) actually have fans who are passionate. Of course they are just learning how to heckle opposing players as demonstrated towards Phillies Cole Hamels in a spring training game today...

"One guy called me a cross between Casey Fossum and Shawn Camp," Hamels said, referring to two middling ex-Tampa Bay pitchers. "I thought that was kind of funny."

But the razzing wasn't limited to Rays fans. A few Phillies faithful also chimed in.

"They want to see what you're worth," Hamels said with a grin.

By chiming in the writer was being polite and misleading. He really meant to say the Phillies fans spit and urinated on the Ray fans while referring to them as vaginal openings or rectums for that matter. That is how you heckle Philly-style. Stupid Rays fans could never demonstrate that type of bat-shit crazy passion when it comes to all out doucheness. Plus it becomes mute when 90% of Rays fans would rather catch the early bird special at Outback and play bingo then watch a baseball game.

TERRELLE PRYOR'S 15 MINUTES FINALLY ENDS

Ohio State Buckeye fans can rejoice today while Michigan Wolverines fans can again wonder what in the hell they got themselves into with the Rich Rodriguez hiring as the look at me, no, don't look at me, okay, now look at me prima donna Terrelle Pryor committed to play for Jim Tressel and the Bucknuts.

The nation’s No. 1 football prospect, quarterback Terrelle Pryor, picked the Buckeyes today at Jeannette High School.

Thus ends a major recruiting battle between arch rivals Michigan and Ohio State – the top two schools that the 6-foot-6, 225-pound, dual-threat quarterback was reportedly considering.

Pryor was reportedly leaning toward Ohio State on Feb. 6 – National Signing Day – when he held a news conference to announce he was delaying his decision because he needed more time to make a choice.

Pryor could be the next Vince Young or he could be the next Ryan Perrilloux. It really is up to him. He could be a future great because he has exceptional talent and has the ability to take over games. But on the other hand he could be just another immature prep player who never grasps his talents and throws it away on strippers, guns, and Columbus herpes. We do know one thing for certain and that is we will get a chance to see Pryor get destroyed by a SEC defense in the BCS Title game within the next couple of years. But on the other hand we will get to see him destroy Michigan every year while West Virginia fans laugh and burn couches at DickRod's demise. Either way we all win.

RED SOX VOTE NOT TO PLAY FINAL EXHIBITION GAME, THEY ALSO HATE JAPAN

You know this is the kind of shit that happens when I decide to throw down good, hard earned hooker money on the Boston Red Sox to win the World Series this year. They have to start a fucking mutiny over going to Japan because their overpaid asses are getting paid $40,000 each in stipend pay for one week over seas while their coaches and trainers are not getting paid anything extra besides you know, their overpaid salary...

The Red Sox clubhouse was closed to reporters because of the dispute and the team had not taken the field for batting practice before its last scheduled spring training game in Florida against Toronto.

"We had an agreement," Curt Schilling, one of a handful of Red Sox players who talked with Major League Baseball on ground rules for the trip, told ESPN's Claire Smith.

"Some of the promises have already been taken away, now this," Schilling said. "As far as the players are concerned, [withholding the coaches' bonuses] can't happen."

''When we voted to go to Japan, that was not a unanimous vote,'' Lowell told the Globe, "but we did what our team wanted us to do for Major League Baseball. They promised us the moon and the stars, and then when we committed, they started pulling back. It's not just the coaches, it's the staff, the trainers, a lot of people are affected by this.

Why don't the players, you know the Red Sox players who's median salary last season was $3.5 million on a total payroll of $143 million, dish out some coin from their own deep pockets to help the coaches and the rest of the staff. These fucking multimillionaires are so stupid some times it just baffles me that I help pay for their salaries every year by denying myself good hooker spit and instead choose to chow down a $10 foot long dog while lubing it down with $7 Bud Lights to watch them gingerly jog down to first base on an infield grounder.

I'm sorry but you are not going to make me feel bad for coaches who sit on their asses and say "Back" or "Fuck off Manny that's my weed!" while picking their noses and wondering what massage parlor they are going to hit up after their snooze fest in Japan. Fuck, I will do it for free as long as you pay my plane ticket. Everyone knows the hooker spit over in Japan is top notch and Manny's weed is better than the Northern Light shit you got out West while on Spring Break in college. Let me be that nose picking, orgy loving massage paying overpaid fat coach squeezed in a baseball uniform while scratching my baseball nuts guy.

PLEASE LADIES MAKE THIS A TREND

Tampa's Tiffany Nicole May decided to break up a boring soccer, futbol, whatever the hell the rest of the world calls it by streaking and showing off her American assets and pride. Sure Tiffany could have gone nude streaking which would have made this video way more entertaining but my hope is that this video inspires other young ladies to sort of "up the ante" in all of sports. Ladies should be inspired by Tiffany's revolutionary act of "streaking" by exposing more of themselves and running out on those athletic fields all across America so I can get through another boring Atlanta Braves or Baltimore Orioles game this season. Instead of the 7th inning stretch we have the 5th inning streak sponsored by Howard Stern Radio. Strictly regulated to attractive looking females I nominate any of the Reef Girls as honorary streakers. Could you imagine a game being interrupted by something like this...

Now that is a world I would love to live in. So come on ladies, get out there and keep the Tiffany revolution alive and well by streaking this upcoming spring and summer at a ball field* near you.

*Presented by Sportscrack LLC

BS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE TO VOTERS TODAY

God bless The Onion for doing this video and one of our best and most lethal political readers Dan the Almighty for sending it to me...


And off the hot presses as we speak, or as MacG points out, Barack is Irish?...


Do you really want a Leprechaun answering the call?

I didn't think so.

TIPS FOR A SOBER ST. PATRICK'S DAY

SPITZER FOR EMPERORS CLUB VIP

NSFW by the way...

I consider myself pretty experienced and knowledgeable when it comes to sexual innuendo but I still have no idea what a Tony Danza is.

2008 NCAA TOURNAMENT ALL-PORNO NAME TEAM

TheDagger has their NCAA Tournament All-Porno name team up and I must say they are extremely lucky Lucious Pusey decided to take a pounding on the football field and not get penetrated playing basketball.

Third team:

G - Desire Gabou, Western Kentucky
G - LeKendric Longmire, Oregon
F - Luis Colon, Kansas State
F - Travis Lay, American
F - Lance Stemler, Indiana

Second team:

G - Dau Jok, Oklahoma
F - Taj Finger, Stanford
F - Gyno Pomare, San Diego
F - Surry Wood, UNC
C - Longar Longar, Oklahoma

And now for your starters:

G - Lee Cummard, BYU
G - Da'Veed Dildy, Stanford
G - Cam Long, George Mason
F - Wayne Chism, Tennessee
F - Alexis Wangmene, Texas

Personally I think my favorite name is Lee Cummard(pictured above accepting his award for best Cummard face) for BYU. It's always fun to make fun of a Mormon on St. Patty's Day. Those poor goofy white bastards are suppose to refrain from all alcohol. Interesting how I do not even have one Mormon friend. My motto is a friend should never come between you and your booze especially on this Christmas Day for alcoholics.

168 POINTS!!

The Seattle Supersonics should probably just pack their bags and move to Oklahoma City already after get destroyed by the Denver Nuggets yesterday 168-116.

Kenyon Martin couldn't believe the box score, so he doesn't expect anybody else to, either.

"A lot of people are going to think it's a misprint," Martin said. "A lot of people will think there's no way they scored that many points. It's unbelievable. There are no words for it."
Can't Stop, Won't Stop
It got ugly fast for the Sonics, who gave up 168 points to the Nuggets, the third-most in regulation in NBA history.

The Nuggets set NBA season highs for points in a half with 84 and points in a game with a 168-116 rout of the Seattle SuperSonics on Sunday night.

The Western Conference in the NBA is so ridiculously good that the Nuggets would not even make the playoffs if they started today despite have a .606 winning percentage. They might as well just take the Eastern Conference and put it down like Old Yeller because they really have no prayer of beating their Western counterparts in the Finals.

Oh yeah, in other related news the Houston Rockets have now won 22 straight despite my idiotic claim they were done and buried once Yao Ming went down with a stress fracture 3 weeks ago.

Holy shit, the NBA really is growing on me this season. Either my brain is getting smaller(most likely) or David Stern is making the game "Fan"tastic once again with guys like Chris Paul, Kobe Bryant, and Lebron James duking it out for MVP honors.

JOIN THE SPORTSCRACK.COM TOURNAMENT POOL

It's that time of the year again to join the 3rd annual Sportscrack.com NCAA Tournament Pool.
We are giving away $75 worth of Sportscrack.com and/or Drinklikechampiontoday.com merchandise to the winner so be sure to sign up as quickly as possible to make sure you are included in the pool. Of course it is free to join so don't be a vagina a puss out on this one.

The winner will have their name plastered on Sportscrack for the world to see to enjoy an endless array of wealth, good luck, and love that will be boundless for years to come.

So click here to join the Sportscrack NCAA Tournament Pool.

I've already heard new UCLA head football coach Rick Neuheisel has like 5 different aliases on our group page. So invite as many people as possible so that dirty douchebag doesn't win it.

DICK VITALE FORGOT TO TAKE HIS MEDS

I am absolutely loving Bob Knight's expression on his face when Vitale starts spitting out his shit about Knight going back to Indiana. Vitale's enthusiasm is great but sometimes he needs to sit back, take one of his crazy pills with some Scotch, and then rethink what he is about to say before actually screaming it in front of millions of viewers.

Shine on you crazy diamond!

Video HT: AwfulAnnouncing

DUKE UNIVERSITY FLOPPING CAMP

Since the ACC tournament is up and going and despite the overall conference having a horrible season (seriously, Clemson is a fucking 3 seed but at least it's not Big Ten basketball) it is always fun to ridicule those fag floppers at Duke. Shane Battier was a master at the art of douche flopping and has passed on the tradition onto current Dukies such as Greg Paulus. Every time I see Paulus face on television I really just want to punch the guy. Something about him just really irritates me. He is basically the Dane Cook of college basketball. Anyways, you can catch the Duke flopping tonight against the Yellow Jackets of Georgia Tech. The spread is 11.5 in favor of the douchebag floppers but I'm calling the upset. Tech is playing good ball right now and will pull the shocker despite Duke going to the free throw stripe 20 more times because of the flopping.

Prediction: Georgia Tech 83 Duke 77

Via WithLeather via The Dagger via WeArethePostmen

FIGURE SKATING AT IT'S FINEST

The picture above is of a female Russian figure skater and the brilliant creator of millions of erections world wide who goes by the name of Anna Semenovich. Yes, her name is Semen-ovich. The Big Lead discovered these NSFW pictures of the lovely Anna who apparently isn't good enough for the Olympics but honestly who gives a shit? This girl would be a rating's boner magnet even if she was a horrible skater for NBC. We need this type of talent in the Olympics. If gay people can get their Brian Boitanos then us straight ugly dudes should be able to get our Anna Semenalloverher.

HIBBERT COULD HAVE BEEN A LOTTERY PICK

After watching a 7-footer completely blow ass yesterday against Villanova I wondered what would have become of Georgetown's Roy Hibbert life if he had decided to skip his senior season to play with hookers and hos in the NBA. See at this time last season Hibbert was being touted as the next great Georgetown center who was almost guaranteed to be a lottery pick(most pundits had him around the 6-11 pick) who would not only be enjoying millions in the bank but also enjoying a life of shitness on the court while laughing his ass off of it because of the money he stole.

Let's take a look at how the 7 foot 2 inch Hibbert did yesterday for the #1 seeded team in the Big East tournament in 14 excruciating minutes of play:
Points: 0
Free Throw Attempts: 0
Assists: 0
Rebounds: 4
Blocked Shots: 0
Turnovers: 4
Fouls: 5

You want to talk about a shitty performance well I think we can all safely assume Hibbert enjoyed one of his worst games of the season. But diving into his statistics this season you have to wonder why people are so enthralled by a big man who should for all intended purposes dominate the college game against smaller competition yet shows night in and out how much he really blows. Hibbert has never averaged over 6.9 rebounds a game in his four year college career. This is a 7-footer we are talking about who is a good 3-7 inches taller than most of the players on the court. Yet the guy can't rebound worth a shit. His 2.3 blocks per game are decent but nowhere near stellar compared to former Georgetown centers Dikembe Mutombo or Alonzo Mourning.

And you would think with the big man struggling so bad and fouling out early in the game that the Hoyas would really struggle to beat a tough Villanova team who are playing their hearts out trying to get in the Big Dance. Negative! Georgetown coasted to an easy 19 point victory despite Hibbert's all-out pathetic performance.

So this basically leaves Hibbert with one last chance to prove to everybody including himself that he is not as bad as his game displays on the court. Tonight against West Virginia in the Madison Square Garden he can live up to his hype and prove himself worthy of being drafted by dominating the paint against the Mountaineers. We can forget about lottery pick but the NBA is full of tall guys who suck balls yet collect millions on payday.

"Hibbert can be that guy," sighs a 5 foot 9 and 1/2 inch sports blogger who got cut from his freshman basketball team because he wasn't "big enough" for the game only to lead an eventual life full of boozing, cursing, and "accidental" masturbation bruises. And no I'm not bitter about giants collecting millions and banging random broads looking to steal their DNA so they can pay their bills because I have the greatest invention right at my finger tips....YouPorn.

WILL ARNETT IS GOING TO "LIVE FOREVER"

I had no clue Will Arnett could be this funny. This video will go down in infamy and is pretty much a sign we are all going to hell. They need to make a sequel for sure starring former New York Governor Eliot Spritzer. Never mind, I'm sure there is already a video out there called "Spritzer's Delight."

SPORTS REPORTER OF THE YEAR

Reporter Owned By Sled - Watch more free videos
Rob Leth of the Global Television Network in Toronto basically did a complete flip and completed his story all in one motion. I'm sorry but we just need to go out and give this guy a Television Emmy for best report of the year. Personally I would have been spitting up blood and booze from the night before and I sure as hell know that no ESPN reporter could pull off a botched segment like Leth did. Chris Berman would have had everybody fired and their families murdered for such a stunt to embarrass the "Great Swami."

Video HT: Deadspin

CAN YOU SAY ILLEGAL SLIDE?

The Tampa Bay Rays and New York Yankees got in a Spring Training brawl today over the intentionally "going for the manbags" slide by Shelley Duncan as pictured above on Akinori Iwamura. Of course this could not have been a dirty play by Duncan because he said just yesterday he would never take out somebody during Spring Training according to the Sun-Sentinel...

"No, not today," Duncan said. "Play the game hard all the time, but we don't believe that kind of stuff is right in spring training."

Okay, so maybe Iwamura must some off hand joke regarding Duncan's first name and how only a Shelley could blow this bad and play for a team named the "Yank"ees.

Fuck, Baseball just needs to start already as I am already getting tired of Jay Bilas commenting about how great the NCAA tournament is for the Cinderella teams and the pageantry of the whole tourney.

Castration picture courtesy of The Sporting Blog

99 WORDS FOR BOOBS

I think we can all say that the world would be a scary place without boobs. I prefer to use the word knockers most of the time or sometimes throw in funbags every once in a while. If you are offended by the boobs song then please leave because I loathe you already. I'm not very discriminating when it comes to knockers but I can say that I saw some of the nastiest big ones just recently in Vegas. At the Tennis Channel Open there was a spectator who just happened to be a porn star besides being an avid tennis fan. I'm not kidding here but I have never been so freaked out by a set of sweater puppets in my life. This Asian porn star who I believe goes by the name of Umi or Uni, something like that, had a couple of back breakers that both weighed over 15 pounds each. Scratch that, her name is Minka. You can find her by doing a google search. It was like two fat midgets hanging on for dear life. Her claim to fame is she has the third biggest rack in the world but is 1st among Asians. Good for her right. And apparently she wins 90% of her matches at the Darling Tennis Center in Vegas because some claim she has a Federer-like game while others think people don't feel like hitting the ball back to her because of her massive boobs. Seriously people, these things were gross beyond gross.

No bigger than D's ladies. Absolutely not a size bigger. It should be the law and the doctor who performed her surgery should be banned for life. Boobs have limits too.

MASCOT FIGHT AT THE SUMMIT CHAMPIONSHIP

Apparently there was a Summit League Championship game last night between IUPUI and Oral Roberts and although 99% of Americans could give a shit about both of those schools basketball teams they do match up well in the mascot department...

Damn, college is so tame compared to when I was in school. Back then we would go to strip bars and slam JD and Golden Grain and absolutely never go to some boring ass college basketball game. Community college sure was fun.

Video HT: WithLeather via other blogs

BACK FROM VEGAS

Well, I got in this morning at 5:30 am in Atlanta from a two week hiatus to Las Vegas with what I believe is either a hernia or ulcers. Seriously fuckers, I'm going to the good doctor tomorrow to check it out and make sure it doesn't screw with my alcoholism or chronic masturbation schedule. We wouldn't want that would we? I know this blog has been seriously lagging this past month but at least not much has been going on.

Sure we have the bat shit crazy signings in the NFL and some great NBA Action going on but other than that we are just waiting for March Madness and baseball to finally start. I know this may sound like a bunch of horseshit but when in Vegas I actually enjoy watching NBA games. Of course I have money riding on the games like any other degenerate but the Western Conference is more entertaining than a midget muttering the words "Life is Short" while doing shots of Jack Daniels. So I guess I am kind of promising you some more posts here for your entertainment. Hopefully the doc won't put me out of commission tomorrow and I can resume my daily piss and moan posts with occasional racial jokes while throwing in some sports knowledge. Just some though. What do you think this is a sports blog?

And don't even ask how much I came back down from Vegas. Anybody who goes or roots for Davidson can suck a fart out of my ass too by the way. If those fuckers would have covered the 17 point spread yesterday against a horrible Elon team I would have come back from Vegas with a vengeance. Now I am just hungover and tired...and ready to go back next week!

Viva Las Vegas and Viva La Sportscrack.

Beer of the Week

Red Stripe is a Jamaican delight in a weird shaped bottle. I consider it somewhat underrated in the simple fact that I don\'t look to get it but when I see it I usually buy it and drink it and never feel unsatisfied.

I would have to give it an 8 on the Fairchild beer scale. Best when consumed on a tropical beach or at home with all your buddies.

Inch away from being a multimillionaire

Fear and loathing here in Vegas playing Wheel of Fortune progressive slots, I just missed being able to call myself a millionaire by an inch. A fucking inch. I got the first two Wheel of Fortunes on the roll but then the third one fell below the faithful line.

The jackpot would have been over 6.6 million.

I guess God had different plans for me.

Asshole.

Gambling causing ulcers

Maybe it\'s the high alcohol volume per hour or just the high stake sports gambling that is causing my ulcers but it won\'t get in the way of a few parlays tonight. After Maryland fucked me the other night I need to come back.
So for the good of my sanity and health I need both Duke and Villanova to win, the Redwings and Stars to pull out victories, the Warriors and Magic to cover their spreads, and SMU to lose by 21 or less against Memphis. You can do it fuckers!

Goodbye Brett Favre

With the retirement of Brett Favre today we say good bye to the last great 90's quarterback. Thinking back on his accomplishments I would have to say he is one of the top 5 QB's to play in the NFL.

Not quite in the Johnny Unitas, Joe Montana, or John Elway crowd but right behind in the Dan Marino and Tom Brady QB category. Have fun hunting Brett, you will be missed.

Falcons again make questionable call

There is a reason why the Atlanta Falcons have never had back-to-back winning seasons in their 42 years of existence. Yesterday they decided to pass on the chance to draft the great D-Mac and instead opted for a career back up in RB Michael Turner. I like Turner, don't get me wrong, but McFadden is going to be an absolute stud in the NFL.

The Falcons and 49ers are in an all out battle for questionable personnel decisions. Don't be surprised if the Falcons win it by drafting Matt Ryan.

Brady Quinn for DeAngelo Hall

This trade needs to happen. The Browns get their lockdown corner while the Falcons get their future franchise quarterback.

Beer of the Week

Fat Tire is brewed in Fort Collins, Colorado by the New Belgium Brewing Company. Only available in the West, Fat Tire is one of the best microbrewed beers out there. On the Fairchild beer scale I would give it a solid 9. I could drink at least a couple of six packs of this delicious beer after a hard day of work.

VANDY UPSETS TENNESSEE

And you have to love the passion the Vanderbilt students display during the games...


So much for Tennessee being the #1 team in the country.

Video HT: AwfulAnnouncing

REGGIE BUSH GIVES THE HEISMAN TO INVESTIGATORS

No, he hasn't given away his Heisman quite yet, but it is not looking good for Reggie Bush when it comes to the court of public appearance.

Reggie Bush failed to show up for a scheduled deposition on Monday, the latest twist in the civil lawsuit against the former Heisman Trophy winner who allegedly accepted cash and gifts from sports marketers during his sophomore and junior seasons at Southern California.

"He literally ran from his deposition," said Brian Watkins, the attorney for sports marketer Lloyd Lake, who is suing Bush.

Watkins said he received a fax from one of Bush's attorneys saying the New Orleans Saints' running back wouldn't be coming.

We know that Bush is pretty much guilty beyond a reasonable doubt in at least one department when it comes to the ladies:


I think the NCAA should grow some balls and strip away the Trojan's wins during the Bush period to at least get them to start talking. Bush, his family, his lawyers, and USC are rightfully and logically not going to say shit to hurt themselves unless someone threatens them with forfeits and stripping away his Heisman Trophy. Like the steroid era I'm tired of people dragging this garbage out and not confessing to doing what they did wrong. Everyone knows that MLB players were using performance enhancers just like everyone knows Bush took a lot of money while playing ball at USC.

Bush could at least gain some respect back, albeit a little, by just saying he fucked up and got greedy and took gifts and money like a lot of us would in his situation. He also could have avoided all this by cutting and weaving by giving Lloyd Lake his money back a long time ago. In other words Bush is an idiot. A rich one who could turn out to be like Michael Vick when all is said and done.


FUSC Shirt available for purchase at this link.

GOOD BYE MARIAN HOSSA, THRASHERS TRADE STAR TO PITTSBURGH

The Atlanta Thrashers officially hit the last nail in the 2008 season coffin when they traded eventual unrestricted free agent forwards Marian Hossa and Pascal Dupuis to the Pittsburgh Penguins for Colby Armstrong, Erik Christiansen, Angelo Esposito and a 2008 1st round draft pick. Usually I would be piss as a fan to lose a player with the skills of a Hossa but I think this is the best deal the Atlanta Thrashers franchise could get considering the circumstances.

Hossa was not going to resign with the Thrashers plain and simple. Him and his agent's stiff armed GM/head coach Don Waddell all season and last offseason when talks of an extension came up on the Thrasher's part. To get a guy like Armstrong in Atlanta is a huge plus because he is still young(25) and is a gritty tough player who could really blossom in Atlanta playing with a player like Ilya Kovalchuk. I'm really looking forward to seeing Armstrong lay down the lumber when somebody comes after Kovy. Something like this will suffice...


Or maybe another hit like this on Jeff Carter...


Yes, I can get used to seeing this from a team like the Thrashers that has always been considered "soft" by most NHL pundits. Christensen is another young winger(24) who also should continue to mature and thrive with more playing time in Atlanta. The center is unbelievable when it comes to shootouts. Take a look...


The Thrashers also picked up a young kid in Esposito who is playing in the minors after being drafted in the first round last year by the Pengiuns. Esposito was considered a steal last year at pick #20 when many scouts and GM's had him pegged for a top 5 pick. At only 19 he will probably be playing with the Chicago Wolves of the AHL starting next season unless he impresses in camp and makes the Thrashers roster.

The Thrashers picking up a first round pick is huge considering they traded all theirs away last year when picking up veterans to make a playoff push. In the end this was a great trade for the Thrashers and in all likelihood saves Don Waddell's ass for at least this offseason. The Thrashers will also have plenty of cap room with Hossa now gone and could make a bid for a big-time free agent this offseason.

WATCHOUT PEOPLE, ANOTHER RUSSIAN IN OUR NATION'S CAPITAL

About ten minutes ago I honestly had no idea Sergei Federov was still playing NHL hockey. I figured Anna Kournikova had him locked away with a ball gag in some cellar down in Miami. But never the less I have come to find out he isn't Anna's gimp anymore but is instead a brand new/dried up fading Vodka of a player now playing on the Washington Capitals.

February 26, TSN: The Columbus Blue Jackets have traded centre Sergei Fedorov to the Washington Capitals for prospect Theo Ruth.
Fedorov is in the final year of a five-year, $40 million contract and will become an unrestricted free agent this summer.

He has 469 goals and 663 assists in 17 seasons in the NHL.

The speedy Russian had a career-high 56 goals and 120 points for the Detroit Red Wings in 1993-94, when he won the Hart Trophy as the league's MVP.

He now becomes the fourth winger from the USSR on the Capitals joining the likes of Alexander Ovechkin, Alexander Semin, and Viktor Kozlov. I guess we have a new "Cold War" on the ice now so to speak and it should be entertaining to see how they all play together. Not nearly as entertaining though as an Anna K leaked sex tape which the whole world has been waiting for the past decade. Seriously Anna, do the world a favor and make your beautiful self newsworthy again. At least do it for all the teenage boys/lonely bloggers out there who have nothing better to do.

HOUSTON HAS A MAJOR PROBLEM NOW

The Houston Rockets have been hotter than Britney Spears chlamydia lately winning 12 straight with Yao Ming taking over in the process by averaging over 22 points and providing stellar defense while pushing Houston to 7th in the Western Conference. But all the good news took a turn for the worse today when learning Ming is out for the rest of the season with chlamydia...just kidding, he has never come in contact with Britney, he has a stress fracture in his left foot.

Yao has a stress fracture in his left foot that likely will require season-ending surgery. Houston Rockets general manager Daryl Morey announced the decision on Tuesday.

The Rockets' team physician said that the injury usually requires four months to heal if it isn't treated surgically. If it's treated surgically, recovery time is from three to four months.

"This is unbelievable," Rockets owner Les Alexander told KRIV-TV in Houston. "This is the most heart-breaking. This is the worst I've felt."

Granted I don't follow too much NBA Basketball because it gets in the way of my yoga class but were the Rockets really a contender out in the ridiculously difficult Western Conference? I mean sure if they were in the Eastern Conference they would probably be a #1 seed but the Western has the likes of the Lakers, Spurs, Mavericks, and Suns who would all dominate and destroy any of those vaginal sores of teams out East. Personally if I were a Houston fan I would blame all of this on Roger Clemens who just happened to arrive at Astros Spring Training camp the same day Ming goes down with a stress fracture. I bet some injections in the ass would help cure a troublesome stress fracture for the big guy. But Rocket doesn't know anything about that, we will have to ask Debbie Clemens for advice.

MANNY RAMIREZ HAS 6 TOES

Do they test athletes for extra toes? I ask because clearly this is an advantage for Boston Red Sox outfielder Manny Ramirez when it comes to hitting. Next thing we are going to find out is Derek Jeter has a vagina for an anus. Seriously, Jeter is always puckering his ass out in the batter's box and it isn't to hit the low outside hard one if you know what I mean.

Picture HT: The always hilarious Boston sportsbar talk of BarstoolSports

ATLANTA BRAVES WEAR KANGAROO TESTICLES FOR GOOD LUCK

According to Dave O'Brien of the AJC, Atlanta Braves reliever Phil Stockman whom is a native Aussie has a good luck charm hidden in his pants...yes...kangaroo testicles. Australian people are so fucking weird! First they face plant streaking on horse tracks for their bachelor parties and now they use Roo Balls as good luck charms. According to Aussies kangaroo testicles bring good luck. Apparently Stockman has given a set of testicles to teammates Tim Hudson and Mike Hampton:

So Braves reliever Phil Stockman, a good bloke if I’ve ever met one, gave starting pitchers Tim Hudson and Mike Hampton each a pair of kangaroo testicles on a key chain. And told them to rub them before each start.

Hudson’s “charm” was hanging in his locker last I checked.

I'm not sure how I would react if somebody gave me a pair of testicles and told me I needed them for good luck. I would probably tell them my set of hairbags has worked just fine for years of internet porn, thank you very much.

NOW THAT IS A BACHELOR PARTY

As some of you may know I'm getting married in a couple of months(holy shit, I'm getting married!!) and my bachelor party will be in Las Vegas. Hopefully it turns out half as entertaining as this guy's drunk fest.

I think I will pass on the grass burns on the weiner...ouch!

I can't believe he was charged with "offensive conduct." Are you shitting me? What he did should be considered noble and dignified for a society needing a laugh here or there.

Video HT: WithLeather via SportingBlog

JIMMY KIMMEL: I'M FUKIN BEN AFFLECK

Now that ex-girlfriend Sarah Silverman is fukin Matt Damon it was up to Jimmy Kimmel to one up her in the jealous sexual revenge game. And boy did he ever...

This video is wrong in so many ways but totally hilarious. Nice touch on Brad Pitt as the FedEx guy and Harrison Ford as..well...being Harrison Ford.

UCLA'S RUSSELL WESTBROOK WITH THE FACIAL

I've been watching a lot of college basketball lately and I think UCLA is the team other than Tennessee that is impressing me the most right now. Oh wait, Louisville is coming on really strong too and I have a good feeling all three of those teams will at least make the Elite Eight come tourney time. But you have to love UCLA's athleticism especially with a guard like Westbrook who can penetrate the lanes and give facials-obvious porn reference.

Video HT: AwfulAnnouncing

BARACK OBAMA STRIKES THE HEISMAN POSE

It's fairly easy to get my vote when it comes to elections. Don't support any New York team, be a lover not hater of booze and the general principles that come along with them, and show some sort of admiration for College Football. Well, yesterday Barack Obama did his Heisman pose at the University of Texas which pretty much raps up the election for him. Once you do the pose it is 100% guarantee you will win, it's been scientifically proven by that no talent assclown named Desmond Howard.

And if you are still wondering if Hillary Clinton, aka Satan's daughter, has a chance at winning the Texas primary, well, this picture should pretty much set those dreams or nightmares to rest...

Obama is going to Hook 'Em.

HT: Deadspin

BEER OF THE WEEK

You know I've been running back and forth from South Florida to Atlanta these past couple of weeks while dealing Columbian bam bam and trying to get rid of this annoying crotch rash when I decided that nothing goes better with the aforementioned then a few pints of the cold frosty sweet nectar of God I call NewCastle Brown Ale. In fact I think I have downed at least 4 dozen of my favorite beer in the past 10-14 days alone. Sure I have mixed in some Bud Light or Miller Light here or there but I have been pretty much on a NewCastle kick. On the Fairchild Beer scale it gets an overwhelming 10. It is the unquestioned king of beers in my mind. Potential downfalls of drinking 12 packs like I do include bloating and a nice little Charlie Weis FUPA I seem to be developing.

Anyways, go out and drink at least one today after you buy a Mega Millions ticket with hopes of grandeur. And if you don't win the lottery don't sweat it, at least you enjoyed a great beer to finish off the work week.

But yeah, it will get you fat and unattractive which has never been a problem for me since I was born that way...

ANOTHER KIDD ON THE WAY

The picture above is of Hope Dworaczyk, a model(cheap lingerie one I'm guessing) who Dallas Maverick's point guard Jason Kidd has been banging for a while now. And by banging I mean sperminating the lovely lady according to the New York Post.

January 10, 2008 -- NEW Jersey Net Jason Kidd is having another kid. A year after his messy split from wife Joumana Kidd, sources told The Post's Hasani Gittens that Kidd's "model" girlfriend, Hope Dworaczyk, is expecting. "Hope, Jason and their parents all celebrated her pregnancy announcement at Sabor Latin Bistro in Edgewater Sunday night," said the insider. "Since Hope started showing, she has stopped sitting courtside."

See, it obviously must be true since the New York Post is such a genuine, truthful and honest publication. Never mind the obvious technical print mistake which claims Kidd is still a Net. This just goes to show you that no matter how ugly your mug may be you can win the affection of a model as long as you make millions and beat your baby mommas like Kidd has done for all these years.

Cheers to you Kidd. And yes, this will be my once a year NBA regular season post in case you were wondering.

JEFF FRANCOEUR WILL QUIT BASEBALL TONIGHT

Okay Braves fans, put down the tomahawk and don't get your panties in a bunch, but if star right fielder Jeff Francoeur wins the $270 million in the Mega Millions Jackpot tonight he will decide to trade in his baseball cleats for golf ones.

Braves outfielder JEFF FRANCOEUR, whose new wife Catie bought him a ticket last week, would "play golf the rest of my life."

And quit baseball?

"Quit baseball," he said Friday morning from Braves spring training camp in Florida. "Believe it."

You know, I have also daydreamed about what I would do if I had the winning lottery ticket. I'm sure I would give a lot of it to charity, something like the Michael Vick fund. Actually, the first thing on my list is to put a contract out on a certain owner residing in a brick warehouse in Baltimore. I don't want to know how it gets done or how messy it gets, I just want to know that it in fact happens for my well being and the millions of others who have suffered these tragic 10 years of horrific baseball.

And if they ever came after me I don't speaka no Englisha...


God I hope I win tonight.

2008 WORLD SERIES VEGAS ODDS

Sportsinteraction.com has their updated 2008 World Series Odds up and running now that the Orioles traded their ace in Erik Bedard and replaced him with Steve TrashCell. And no, that is not a typo. Here are the odds with some lazy incoherent comments from me:

BOSTON RED SOX AT 4.5 TO 1...Even with Curt Schilling down for more than likely the season with shoulder problems stemming from a bloody ego I still think they have to be the favorites because God loves Boston. The Patriots did win the SuperBowl right?

NEW YORK YANKEES AT 5.5 TO 1...The Yankees didn't improve an already old roster but I'm sure the Steinbrenners have some Cuban hot shot locked up in a cellar under Yankee Stadium ready to make his mark. Either that or some of Johnny Damon's weed.

DETROIT TIGERS AT 7 TO 1...Their lineup is filthy with Miguel Cabrera and Edgar Renteria added to an already potent batting order. Renteria could be batting eighth this year for heaven's sake. Tigers have a way better chance of winning with their lineup and pitching than the Yankees in my humble opinion.

NEW YORK METS AT 7.5 TO 1...The Mets shit the bed down the stretch last year but added Johan Santana who should at the very least contend for the Cy Young. If the pitching comes through they should be the favorites to win the NL East.

ANAHEIM ANGELS AT 10 TO 1...When Vladimir Guerrero learns to speak some English then we can talk about the Angels seriously contending for the World Series. Dude, amigo, ese, whatever, you have been over here for 15 years learn some fucking English homie.

CLEVELAND INDIANS AT 12 TO 1...Not that C.C Sabathia has won his Cy Young he is due to fall off the face of the year starting in 3, 2, 1...I would have liked to have seen the Indians add something in the outfield to help Grady Sizemore. The Tigers will be too tough for the Tribe.

CHICAGO CUBS AT 12 TO 1...Umm, yeah, so it's been a 100 years since the last time the Cubs won a World Series. Why not make it another 100 while we are at it? If they trade for Brian Roberts I like their lineup a lot but if they don't and keep Soriano in the leadoff role they will again be irrelevant.

LOS ANGELES DODGERS AT 14 TO 1...I hate to say it but I really like where the Dodgers are going right now. They picked up the booger picker to fill out the lineup card and added Andruw Jones to shag flies and hit long towering balls out of Chavez Ravine. They have a young, up and coming nucleus of Matt Kemp, James Loney, Russell Martin, Andre Ethier, Chin-Lung Hu(Hello O's, make a trade for this kid), Delwyn Young, and a shitload of young pitchers who should have them contending soon. The Dodgers are my sleeper pick this season.

PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES AT 14 TO 1...I like Philly's lineup a lot but I feel the opposite regarding their starting pitching and relievers. Cole Hamels is a stud but other than him they really don't have a lot. Kyle Kendrick will be a good one but Adam Eaton, Jamie Moyer, and Brett Myers are average to what the hell is that smell starters these days. Ryan Howard should be a happy man now that he got his 10 million in arbitration but I wonder if his contract issues will become a distraction this season.

ARIZONA D'BACKS AT 20 TO 1...Webb and Haren at the top of the rotation might be the best in the NL. If Randy Johnson can come back, a big if, the D'Backs are more legit contenders than the Mets in my opinion. Like the Dodgers they have a ton of up and coming stars on the rise and don't be surprised if Justin Upton has a huge year in right field. I would have no problem throwing money on this team this season especially at these long odds.

COLORADO ROCKIES AT 20 TO 1...How did Troy Tulowitzki not win the ROY? The guy was amazing all season, played an incredible shortstop and yet Ryan Braun takes the award despite looking like Stevie Wonder trying to field balls at third. The Rockies were a Cinderella team in 2007 going an incredible 14-1 down the stretch to squeeze into the playoffs and eventually get smacked by the Sox in the World Series. I think the Dodgers and D'Backs are going to be too tough this season in their own division.

SEATTLE MARINERS AT 25 TO 1...Erik Bedard and Felix Hernandez are going to be an excellent starting tandem in the AL West. They should clean up against the A's and Rangers but the Mariners don't have enough talent to compete with the Red Sox, Yankees, Tigers, Angels, Indians of the American League. Plus Ichiro thinks his corner outfielders suck.

TORONTO BLUE JAYS AT 25 TO 1...If the Blue Jays decide to add Barry Bonds then they have a chance at competing. I'm actually being serious. I hate the fucking guy but he could really help out Toronto this season. They just don't have enough to compete with the Sox or Yankees at this point even with a healthy Roy Halladay and AJ Burnett.

ST. LOUIS CARDINALS AT 28 TO 1...Besides Albert Pujols the Cardinals have a bunch of question marks and even Pujols could become one with his elbow problems. The Cardinals need to rebuild badly and need to unload some dead weight this season while letting young guys like Colby Rasmus learn the game at the big league level. They have absolutely no chance of competing this year.

SAN DIEGO PADRES AT 28 TO 1...The Padres will have the pitching which should keep them competitive for the most part this season. But an outfield of Jim Edmonds, Brian Giles, and Scott Hairston has to be one of the worst in the major leagues. Their division is too tough but with Chris Young and Jake Peavy at the top of the rotation you never know.

MILWAUKEE BREWERS AT 33 TO 1...I look at the Brewers lineup and I see a competitive if not a very talented team in 2008. It's time for a guy like Rickie Weeks to step up his game like Prince Fielder and J.J. Hardy did last season. This team could surprise people especially playing in a horrible division but relying on Ben Sheets to finish out a season is like waiting for Britney Spears at a custody hearing.

ATLANTA BRAVES AT 33 TO 1...Man, how the mighty have fallen. The Braves seem to be a team with no direction right now. Last season they traded their farm system to get Mark Teixeira(even though he won't resign with Atlanta) but then traded away one of their best players in Edgar Renteria, let Andruw Jones walk away without a clear plan to feel his void, and then brought in an aging Tom Glavine even though they needed somebody much better at this stage if they want to compete. I expect a huge season from Jeff Francoeur(MVP numbers) but I don't think it will be enough to compete with the Mets or Phillies.

CHICAGO WHITE SOX AT 33 TO 1...I really like the additions of Carlos Quentin and Nick Swisher to the outfield along with getting a real good shortstop in Orland Cabrera. The bullpen needed to be upgraded and it was with Scott Linebrink and Octavio Dotel now pitching on the South Side. Ozzie Guillen has worked magic before and it would not be an entirely wasted 10 bucks to throw on this team at this time.

HOUSTON ASTROS AT 40 TO 1...Miguel Tejada was a good addition and a definite upgrade over Adam Everett. The Astros have a good lineup and should be able to score a lot of runs. In the NL Central they can compete for the division but not for a World Series this year.

MINNESOTA TWINS AT 40 TO 1...Their chances left as soon as Johan Santana put on a Met's uniform. They should have gotten a lot more for him or just kept him and tried to compete this year in my opinion.

OAKLAND A'S AT 50 TO 1...Billy Beane says they are rebuilding and I believe him. They have no chance whatsoever of competing this year or perhaps next year.

TEXAS RANGERS AT 50 TO 1...The Rangers always seem like a team without a clear plan. If they want to compete in the future they need to unload guys like Kevin Millwood and Michael Young during the season and pick up some good if not elite prospects. They have no chance of competing this year or next.

CINCINNATI REDS AT 66 TO 1...As I have said before the NL Central is up for grabs. The Reds do have some up and coming players with Jay Bruce, Joey Votto, Homer Bailey, and Johnny Cueto all ready to make contributions this season. They might as well trade Griffey if he is healthy and hitting and get something in return for the future. No chance of a World Series but a chance to compete in the NL Central.

SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS AT 75 TO 1...The Giants are going to be very, very bad ball club this season playing in the best division in baseball.

WASHINGTON NATIONALS AT 100 TO 1...Wait a second, when did Washington get a team?

FLORIDA MARLINS AT 100 TO 1...They are either rebuilding or winning a World Series. No in between. This year they are obviously rebuilding.

PITTSBURGH PIRATES AT 150 TO 1...This team again looks like complete shit on paper.

KANSAS CITY ROYALS AT 150 TO 1...They are going to win the World Series...in the year 2054 as the Carolina Bulls.

TAMPA BAY RAYS AT 200 TO 1...The Rays are not going to be this bad this season. In fact I could see them competing and staying around .500 ball all season. They have so much elite young talent that it eventually needs to start winning games. This season should be the start.

BALTIMORE ORIOLES AT 200 TO 1...Obviously they are rebuilding 10 years too late but at least they have a future nucleus in place with studs such as Nick Markakis, Adam Jones, Matt Wieters, and Billy Rowell ready to contribute and star for the next 5-10 years. The only thing the O's will be competing for this season is the #1 pick in the draft.

TOSKALA WITH THE ENORMOUS..UMM, OKAY

I found this little gem of a hockey highlight over at AwfulAnnouncing. It comes from the Toronto Maple Leafs game against the Columbus Blue Jackets a couple of nights ago in which Toronto's goalie Vesa Toskala makes a great save but apparently the announcer Don Taylor has something a little more veiny on his mind...

Unless Peter North or Ron Jeremy stepped into the booth I have no earthly idea why Taylor would be so interested in another man's privates. I'm sure years of counseling should have helped debunked his fascination with dicks but in Taylor's case it can come up at the worst time. In fact I rooted up a video of Taylor in elementary school, only back then he had a Jew fro....

ICHIRO ISN'T A KANSAS CITY FAN

I'm a huge baseball fan and yet I've never had the chance to watch the great Ichiro play in person. But that will change this season as the Mariners make a trip to Turner Field in June for a 3 game weekend set. I still have my fingers crossed of seeing a Bedard vs. Smoltz matchup or even a King Felix vs. Tim Hudson game. But anyways, the real point of going is to see Ichiro roam centerfield in sticky Hotlanta. The fucking guy can do it all and is the true definition of a "five tool player." That and the all you can eat and drink beer specials they have at Turner Field. I really can't wait to see how many beers I consume with my buds in order to justify paying $60 for beer and food. The all you can consume special might be the best deal in all of sports. Hell, in New York City $60 bucks gets you a dog, fries, a punch in the gut, people ignoring you as you wallow in pain and perhaps an eight ounce beer.

I hate to see what Ichiro thinks of Atlanta after playing in the robust humidity of June after watching this comment he made to Bob Costas about the lovely Kansas City...

"Hotter than two rats in a fucking wool sock." I really love Ichiro.

NICK MARKAKIS IS A HONEY BEAR

Okay, I will be the first to admit I have a serious man crush on Baltimore Orioles right fielder Nick Markakis because as we all know Cal Ripken isn't coming out of that dugout anymore. But I can't wait to see newly acquired Adam Jones batting in front of Nick the Stick in the future. The motto for Orioles baseball this year is "This is Birdland" when in fact it should be "This is what ten years too late of rebuilding can do for you." At least the Orioles finally have a plan now with new GM Andy MacPhail.

And yes, Markakis is a honey bear with big fucking paws who will kill Yankees, Red Sox, Blue Jays, and even Rays for years to come.

FRANK THOMAS PILLOW FIGHTS

The Big Hurt is a sure fire first ballot Hall of Famer and one of only a few guys who we suspect never took steroids or HGH(shit, if Thomas did roids he would have hit 70 plus HR's a year with his eye and swing). But I tell you what, you do not mess with the Big Hurt when it comes to pillow fighting.

When it comes to filming a pillow biting commercial I'm sure "pals" Roger Clemens and Andy Pettitte will get first dibs.

ACC BASKETBALL CAN BE BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH

Or make it Maryland Terps basketball for that matter. Not only did the Terrapins blow a big second half lead against the Virginia Tech Hokies at home, a game they desperately needed to win to secure a NCAA Tourney Berth, but they also forced Hokies guard Dorenzo Hudson into vomiting macaroni and Gatorade all over the free throw line.

The Sporting Blog managed to find the video. No truth to the rumor Hudson lost his lunch when hearing about Gary Williams graduation rate at Maryland which has been extremely putrid since 1997.

ST LOUIS CARDINAL FANS LOVE THE KIDS

Those St. Louis Cardinal fans sure are a classy bunch. As much ass-kissing and self-fellating the whole Cardinal nation wants to give itself every year by saying "We are the best baseball fans in the world" we counter it by offering up videos as the one above demonstrates that they are no better than New York or even Philly fans. In fact the only other difference between those fan bases besides the Midwestern accent is the enormous amounts of mullets and camouflage that is on display every home game in Busch Stadium. And since St. Louis is basically in the middle of the country with nothing else around it besides manure and a cool looking arch it has a tendency to attract all forms of rednecks from around the likes of Indiana, Kentucky, Iowa, and the mecca of Arkansas. Trust me, I've been to St. Louis and I do think it is a great baseball city. But like all cities with a loyal fan base you have the same jerk offs who cuss at kids because they got in the way of videotaping Albert Pujols.

Here are some pictures from JoeSportsfan.com of the lovely Cardinal fans...












Sorry, I tried to find some pictures of some hot St. Louis poon but understandably they don't attend baseball games in Busch Stadium with this collection of handsome lookers on display every home game. But at least they are a classy bunch up there.

Tom Cruise is a Cock-Block 2

PUNK'D BY BRETT MYERS

Early word on the street is Phillies pitcher Brett Myers tried to pull this prank on his wife but it involved a solid punch to her chops after the punking and the media didn't find it very funny. But when it involves fellow teammate and pitcher Kyle Kendrick being traded to Japan..well, it's a little funnier than wife beating...

Video HT: WithLeather via CrashburnAlley

SORRY EVERYBODY

I've been out of town for the past two weeks sweating my balls off in South Florida working a tennis tournament and haven't had much of a chance to get on the computer. So the light posting is going to stop for at least the next few weeks as I dive into this upcoming baseball season and even some NCAA hoop talk as we get near March Madness.

I still can't get over this dunk by Gerald Green even though I have no clue who he is but this dunk should go down in history...

SI SWIMSUIT ISSUE RELEASED

I know I'm a day late but I figured what the hell, we might as well talk about the release of the SI Swimsuit Issue. Seriously, does anybody really buy this crap anymore now that internet porn has been around for over a decade? What is the point? Of course I used to use my fair time studying the articles back in middle school but I really don't remember looking into it much once I hit high school. It was all Playboys and SheMales over 50 by then. I'm kidding of course...it was SheMales over 40. Anyways, to feel like I'm reaching out to my audience in some way other than making drunk comments or laughing while I fart I figured I would show this clip from Late Night with David Letterman. Marissa Miller was on to show off her "assets" and let us know she is the new covergirl. In other words she does a lot of blow and makes herself vomit as soon as the thought of a cheeseburger creeps into her hollow brain...